1 00:00:56,682 --> 00:00:59,674 Last call for coffee 'fore it hardens. 2 00:00:59,785 --> 00:01:01,685 Thank you, Jeeves. 3 00:01:01,787 --> 00:01:04,255 Just pour it on a towel and apply it to my face. 4 00:01:04,357 --> 00:01:06,484 How long were we in there, Radar? 5 00:01:06,592 --> 00:01:08,492 Seven hours and 41 men, sir. 6 00:01:08,594 --> 00:01:12,621 12 of whom I will operate on again and again in my dreams. 7 00:01:12,732 --> 00:01:14,700 You think we got troubles? 8 00:01:14,800 --> 00:01:18,258 - Peg burned a batch of strawberry jam and ruined the stove. - This rotten war. 9 00:01:18,371 --> 00:01:21,966 My mom makes jam all the time. She puts something special in it so it won't burn. 10 00:01:22,074 --> 00:01:25,043 - Find out what she does. I'll write Peg. - Please phone. 11 00:01:25,144 --> 00:01:29,012 - I cannot endure the suspense. - Mildred's a whiz at preserves. 12 00:01:29,115 --> 00:01:33,347 She puts up a kumquat-huckleberry combo that is so delicious... 13 00:01:33,452 --> 00:01:35,420 it makes you wish you were a slice of bread. 14 00:01:35,521 --> 00:01:39,150 Maybe you could get Mrs. Potter to send me the recipe. Peg can use all the help she can get. 15 00:01:39,258 --> 00:01:42,694 - Here. Make it simple. Have Peg write Mildred direct. - Ah. 16 00:01:42,795 --> 00:01:44,922 - Yeah. She can write my mom too. - Now we're cookin'. 17 00:01:45,031 --> 00:01:50,333 - While all you Dagwoods write to Blondie, I'm going to bed. - [Radar Sighs] 18 00:01:50,436 --> 00:01:55,203 A little thing like Peg making contact with Radar's mom and Potter's wife... I'm wide awake. 19 00:01:55,308 --> 00:01:57,242 Yeah. They'll get to know each other and then... 20 00:01:57,343 --> 00:02:01,370 someday if we ever have a reunion, they won't have to wear red carnations. 21 00:02:01,480 --> 00:02:04,005 I'll wear one, though, 'cause I think Charles is gonna forget me. 22 00:02:04,116 --> 00:02:07,415 Thank you. I wouldn't want to ignore the wrong person. 23 00:02:07,520 --> 00:02:10,683 I can just see all of us 10 years from now sitting at a reunion. 24 00:02:10,790 --> 00:02:15,818 Yeah. The war's been over for a month. We've all got gray hair. 25 00:02:15,928 --> 00:02:20,024 - Charles has his in a box. - Wait a minute. 26 00:02:20,132 --> 00:02:24,967 Why wait 10 years? Why not avoid the rush and have a reunion now? 27 00:02:25,071 --> 00:02:29,508 I realize I'm tired, but why do we need a reunion if we're all sitting in the same room? 28 00:02:29,608 --> 00:02:33,442 No, no. Not us, our families. 29 00:02:33,546 --> 00:02:36,344 We get 'em together from all over the States... 30 00:02:36,449 --> 00:02:38,747 Oh, this is great. 31 00:02:38,851 --> 00:02:42,116 They come to New York or some place, have this big dinner, and we could... 32 00:02:42,221 --> 00:02:47,181 This is terrific! They can have pictures of us, enlargements at every place setting. 33 00:02:47,293 --> 00:02:51,320 - Except for Charles. We don't wanna spoil their appetite. - Ah, ha-ha-ha. 34 00:02:51,430 --> 00:02:55,389 All we have to do is get 'em together by mail. In a month or so they'll be sitting around... 35 00:02:55,501 --> 00:02:58,937 laughing and swappin' stories about how much they miss us and cryin' their eyes out. 36 00:02:59,038 --> 00:03:03,771 - Sounds like a wonderful evening. - What are we waiting for? Here. Drop a line to your dad. 37 00:03:03,876 --> 00:03:08,279 - You realize what time it is? It's a quarter to dead. - Here. 38 00:03:08,381 --> 00:03:11,475 You too, Charles. It won't be any good unless everybody does it. 39 00:03:11,584 --> 00:03:16,715 Don't be absurd. My parents have accumulated huge amounts of wherewithal... 40 00:03:16,822 --> 00:03:20,588 for the express purpose of associating exclusively with their own kind. 41 00:03:20,693 --> 00:03:23,355 Good night. Oh, and shut up. 42 00:03:23,462 --> 00:03:26,431 I'll work him over later. Now, how are you doin'? 43 00:03:26,532 --> 00:03:32,129 Look, I don't wanna disappoint you, Beej, but my father hasn't left Crabapple Cove in 40 years. 44 00:03:32,238 --> 00:03:34,206 Most of his patients he delivered himself. 45 00:03:34,306 --> 00:03:36,706 He's too protective to leave them, even for a couple of days. 46 00:03:36,809 --> 00:03:40,973 Yo! Before you sirs go to sleep, wake up. The Chinese have broken through the lines. 47 00:03:41,080 --> 00:03:43,810 - Everybody's pullin' back, and we're buggin' out of here. - No, no, no, no. 48 00:03:43,916 --> 00:03:47,317 I'm not goin' anywhere. I'm gonna lie right here with a detour sign on my back. 49 00:03:47,420 --> 00:03:50,321 Come on, Hawkeye. Geez, we gotta get all the wounded out. 50 00:03:50,423 --> 00:03:52,687 We gotta load the equipment in the trucks and everything! 51 00:03:52,792 --> 00:03:55,693 - Geez. Come on, Major! - What? Where are we going? 52 00:03:55,795 --> 00:03:58,764 - Colonel Potter still hasn't found it on the map. - Oh. There. 53 00:03:58,864 --> 00:04:02,300 Why don't they just issue us Chinese uniforms so we can get some sleep? 54 00:04:02,401 --> 00:04:04,392 Radar, when you write your mother about the jam... 55 00:04:04,503 --> 00:04:06,937 tell her we're organizing this big party for all our relatives. 56 00:04:07,039 --> 00:04:10,566 - What's the matter with you guys? We're buggin' out of here. - Yeah. Good. 57 00:04:10,676 --> 00:04:13,577 Listen. They'll all get together in New York and have this big dinner. 58 00:04:13,679 --> 00:04:16,011 I don't believe it! The Chinese are comin'! 59 00:04:16,115 --> 00:04:18,447 - Then we better order more food. - Will you let your mother know? 60 00:04:18,551 --> 00:04:21,349 - I will if you'll move it! - Deal. 61 00:04:21,454 --> 00:04:24,617 Boy. Things I gotta go through to organize a simple party. 62 00:04:24,757 --> 00:04:27,555 This one's next! 63 00:04:27,660 --> 00:04:31,027 - What do you think, Father? This reunion's a great idea, isn't it? - Yes. 64 00:04:31,130 --> 00:04:35,499 The warmth, the mutual support... why, it would be just wonderful for them to get together. 65 00:04:35,601 --> 00:04:38,035 Suppose you could spring your sister from the convent for a weekend? 66 00:04:38,137 --> 00:04:40,105 For this, no problem. 67 00:04:40,206 --> 00:04:43,767 If you like, she could bring along her saxophone and provide a little musical entertainment. 68 00:04:43,876 --> 00:04:47,403 - She really wails on "Stardust." - She's got the gig. 69 00:04:47,513 --> 00:04:50,107 - Davis. - I can't believe this.! 70 00:04:50,216 --> 00:04:54,949 The only two vein graft clamps in the unit, and they're tossed in here like ordinary junk! 71 00:04:55,054 --> 00:04:57,113 - So, what do you think, Margaret? - About what? 72 00:04:57,223 --> 00:05:00,021 - The family reunion? - Oh. Sounds fine. 73 00:05:00,126 --> 00:05:03,095 Look. I want this equipment sorted carefully. 74 00:05:03,195 --> 00:05:06,187 And hurry! The Chinese'll be here by dawn! 75 00:05:06,298 --> 00:05:09,734 - You think they'll come? - Of course they will. They just broke through the lines. 76 00:05:09,835 --> 00:05:12,269 - Your parents... to the reunion. - I doubt it. 77 00:05:12,371 --> 00:05:14,896 - You just said it was a great idea. - I'm trying to pack. 78 00:05:15,007 --> 00:05:18,306 - Why won't they come? They'd love it, wouldn't they? - I don't know. Maybe. 79 00:05:18,410 --> 00:05:20,810 - I don't know. - So write 'em. See what they say. 80 00:05:20,913 --> 00:05:23,677 - Do you mind if I finish packing first? - No. No. Of course not. 81 00:05:23,782 --> 00:05:26,945 - Thank you. - Look, Captain, my folks won't go to this party. 82 00:05:27,052 --> 00:05:30,351 It's not their kind of thing. Throw me those cabbages, will you? 83 00:05:30,456 --> 00:05:33,914 - Phew, the green ones. - You worried they'll find out you wear women's clothes? 84 00:05:34,026 --> 00:05:36,961 Are you kidding? My uncle got out of World War II this way. 85 00:05:37,062 --> 00:05:40,691 Keeps sending me pieces of his wardrobe. What love that man has for me. 86 00:05:40,799 --> 00:05:43,359 What's the problem? Your folks are warm people. They'd love to meet our relatives. 87 00:05:43,469 --> 00:05:48,099 Look. They don't speak English. And I guarantee you nobody there speaks Arabic... 88 00:05:48,207 --> 00:05:50,175 which leaves eating and smiling at each other. 89 00:05:50,276 --> 00:05:53,768 - They must know someone who speaks both. - Yeah, my Uncle Abdul. 90 00:05:53,879 --> 00:05:56,939 So, invite him along. He can translate for the Winchesters too. 91 00:05:57,049 --> 00:06:00,450 - Well, maybe. - No "maybe." You're down for a "yes." 92 00:06:00,553 --> 00:06:04,080 Klinger, you're gonna have to come up with 200 pounds of chipped ice, pronto. 93 00:06:04,190 --> 00:06:06,420 - Colonel... - 200 pounds? What am I, a glacier? 94 00:06:06,525 --> 00:06:09,858 - Just make sure those whole blood containers are packed with it. - Uh, Colonel... 95 00:06:09,962 --> 00:06:12,590 I got this great idea: A reunion, all our folks back home. 96 00:06:12,698 --> 00:06:16,862 I heard. Mildred'll love it. Now get into post-op. Those boys have to be the first out. 97 00:06:16,969 --> 00:06:18,994 - On my way. - Ice. I want ice. 98 00:06:19,104 --> 00:06:21,072 I'm not your waiter, but I'll see what I can do. 99 00:06:21,173 --> 00:06:23,835 Be sure to keep his spine immobile. 100 00:06:23,943 --> 00:06:25,968 One good bump on the road, it's bye-bye backbone. 101 00:06:26,078 --> 00:06:29,047 Maybe you can strap him to that board and sling it like a hammock. 102 00:06:29,148 --> 00:06:32,982 - He'll sway, but he won't bounce. - Yeah. Good. With any luck, he'll only get carsick. 103 00:06:42,962 --> 00:06:44,930 - How'd we do, son? - Huh? Oh, pretty good. 104 00:06:45,030 --> 00:06:47,999 - Just some light damage. A couple of bottles of plasma broke. - Uh-huh. 105 00:06:48,100 --> 00:06:51,968 - And some bourbon ones too. - What do you mean, "light damage"? Watch it! 106 00:06:52,071 --> 00:06:56,167 - Radar, get some more lanterns on this path. We got enough broken bones. - Yes, sir. 107 00:06:56,275 --> 00:06:58,903 Okay. Get him out of here. Take him inside. 108 00:06:59,011 --> 00:07:01,775 - No leg reflex. His cord may have been damaged. - You had to move him. 109 00:07:01,880 --> 00:07:04,747 - There was no choice. - Just what he needed... a ride through the countryside. 110 00:07:04,850 --> 00:07:09,150 - He's still alive. If it weren't for you, he would have died. - Yeah. Some favor I did him. 111 00:07:09,255 --> 00:07:12,713 Ah. What wonderful memories this conjures up. 112 00:07:12,825 --> 00:07:16,261 When I was in premed, I worked part-time for a moving company. 113 00:07:16,362 --> 00:07:20,594 I could pack a 30-piece set of china in 10 minutes flat... 114 00:07:20,699 --> 00:07:23,793 less, if they didn't mind having a 60-piece set. 115 00:07:25,838 --> 00:07:28,238 I seem to be doing a solo here. 116 00:07:30,142 --> 00:07:32,235 - You wanna help with this? - Huh? 117 00:07:32,344 --> 00:07:35,973 - I never learned how to make hospital corners. - Oh, yeah. 118 00:07:37,850 --> 00:07:41,547 - Boy, I'm just radiant, aren't I? - Well, look... 119 00:07:41,654 --> 00:07:43,849 it's hard moving into a new neighborhood. 120 00:07:43,956 --> 00:07:48,154 Especially if you're a kid with a damaged cord... new cripple on the block. 121 00:07:51,297 --> 00:07:54,164 - What about the Hunnicutt Hoedown? - [Sighs] 122 00:07:54,266 --> 00:07:58,498 - Why don't you concentrate on the reunion for a while? - Come on. Who's kidding who? 123 00:07:58,604 --> 00:08:02,096 All we got is a definite possibility of a firm "maybe." 124 00:08:02,207 --> 00:08:04,675 - What happened to the life of the party? - What party? 125 00:08:04,777 --> 00:08:08,213 So far, Charles is an absolute "no," Klinger and Margaret are a "we'll see"... 126 00:08:08,314 --> 00:08:10,282 and you're a confirmed "I doubt it." 127 00:08:12,217 --> 00:08:16,085 - You sorta care a lot about this thing, don't you? - I don't care about anything. 128 00:08:17,890 --> 00:08:19,858 Well, I think I'll go check out the neighborhood. 129 00:08:19,958 --> 00:08:23,587 You know, find out where the supermarket is, see if there's a good dry cleaners. 130 00:08:23,696 --> 00:08:25,596 It's always exiting the first day. 131 00:08:25,698 --> 00:08:28,098 Father, what do you think of purgatory so far? 132 00:08:28,200 --> 00:08:32,136 I don't know about us, but these eggs have certainly been through hell. 133 00:08:32,237 --> 00:08:34,535 - Morning, Major. - Morning, sir. Morning, Father. 134 00:08:34,640 --> 00:08:39,168 - All the wounded get tucked in? - They're all fine, except for Captain Hunnicutt's patient. 135 00:08:39,278 --> 00:08:44,739 Yeah. I had Radar call Tokyo. The neurosurgeon will be waiting for him at the 121 st tomorrow. 136 00:08:44,850 --> 00:08:48,047 Good morning, pilgrims. I wonder if we might have a brief town meeting? 137 00:08:48,153 --> 00:08:51,350 - A what kind of meeting? - I'll handle this. You just take the minutes. 138 00:08:51,457 --> 00:08:53,448 Care to join us, Captain Standoff-ish? 139 00:08:53,559 --> 00:08:58,087 Well, make it fast, sir. I'm working on a barbecue for lunch: Rack of Spam. 140 00:08:58,197 --> 00:09:00,222 Huh. Fly à la mode for dessert. 141 00:09:00,332 --> 00:09:04,428 I'll be brief. At this moment, B.J. Is sitting in his spacious new quarters... 142 00:09:04,536 --> 00:09:06,731 with a depression that goes right through the floor. 143 00:09:06,839 --> 00:09:10,070 We'll ship his spinal case out of here tomorrow. That's the best we can do. 144 00:09:10,175 --> 00:09:13,611 - That's only half his problem. - Oh, not that ridiculous party again. 145 00:09:13,712 --> 00:09:18,615 Spoken like a true weak link, Charles. Now look, folks. This party is very important to B.J. 146 00:09:18,717 --> 00:09:20,708 He's already got a patient who can't feel anything. 147 00:09:20,819 --> 00:09:22,810 He doesn't need friends who can't feel either. 148 00:09:22,921 --> 00:09:24,889 Pass out the paper and pencils, Radar. 149 00:09:24,990 --> 00:09:28,926 - "With fly à la mode for dessert." - Memorize the rest, huh? 150 00:09:29,027 --> 00:09:32,963 - Captain, my folks won't come! - [Potter] Not if you don't ask 'em, they won't. 151 00:09:33,065 --> 00:09:38,162 Look, it's very easy. Let me show you how. Watch. "Dear Dad..." 152 00:09:38,270 --> 00:09:41,137 - [Klinger, Margaret And Charles Protesting] - Write! 153 00:09:44,143 --> 00:09:48,477 Colonel, I love what you've done with this room... and in just three endless weeks. 154 00:09:48,580 --> 00:09:50,810 Yeah. Now, if the mail would just find us... 155 00:09:50,916 --> 00:09:53,350 this canvas cottage would be real homey. 156 00:09:53,452 --> 00:09:56,444 - [Phone Rings] - At least someone knows where we are. 157 00:09:56,555 --> 00:10:00,116 4077 Gypsies. Colonel Potter? 158 00:10:00,225 --> 00:10:03,558 Oh, yeah. The short, gray-haired guy with the earring. One minute. 159 00:10:03,662 --> 00:10:05,653 - General Imbrie. - Gimme that. 160 00:10:06,799 --> 00:10:09,734 General, how nice of you to call. 161 00:10:09,835 --> 00:10:12,099 Yeah. The place is really takin' shape. 162 00:10:14,706 --> 00:10:17,334 Well, General, I appreciate your calling me in person. 163 00:10:17,443 --> 00:10:19,843 If someone else told me that, I wouldn't believe it. 164 00:10:19,945 --> 00:10:23,711 No, sir. [Chuckles] No apology is necessary. 165 00:10:23,816 --> 00:10:26,842 [Inhales] Good-bye. 166 00:10:26,952 --> 00:10:29,113 - [Slams Handset] - I don't believe it! 167 00:10:29,221 --> 00:10:32,987 - I do. What are we in for now? - We have to move back. We're buggin' out again. 168 00:10:33,091 --> 00:10:36,652 Why don't they just issue us a calliope? We can travel from town to town. 169 00:10:36,762 --> 00:10:40,596 The front shifted again. They retook that same, tiny piece of land. 170 00:10:40,699 --> 00:10:42,599 It's back to square one. 171 00:10:42,701 --> 00:10:45,135 Sirs, I guess they found us. The first mail's here. 172 00:10:45,237 --> 00:10:47,364 We'll read it later. We're buggin' out. Let's move. 173 00:10:47,473 --> 00:10:52,137 "I love the idea of a party. It sounds great, Francis. '"[Laughs] 174 00:10:52,244 --> 00:10:57,272 - I love that. "Francis." - You wouldn't expect a sister to call her brother "Father." 175 00:10:57,382 --> 00:11:02,376 "Just tell me the date, and I'll be there with starch in my wimple and a song in my sax." 176 00:11:02,488 --> 00:11:04,456 - [All Laugh] - "Love, Sis." 177 00:11:04,556 --> 00:11:09,425 - Well, the band is set. - I doubt that there'll be a doctor in the house. 178 00:11:11,663 --> 00:11:14,894 "Dear Ben, I'm delighted at the prospect of meeting... 179 00:11:15,000 --> 00:11:17,901 "the wives and parents of the people you work with... 180 00:11:18,003 --> 00:11:22,997 "and a little disappointed that you wouldn't think I'd drop everything to be there. 181 00:11:23,108 --> 00:11:25,599 "You're right. I am sort of particular about the bodies... 182 00:11:25,711 --> 00:11:28,339 "of all these souls I brought into the world... 183 00:11:30,716 --> 00:11:35,085 "but I guess I'm more partial to the son I brought into this world. 184 00:11:35,187 --> 00:11:37,451 I'll be there with bells on." 185 00:11:39,825 --> 00:11:42,817 It's funny. I always thought his patients came first. 186 00:11:42,928 --> 00:11:45,453 How about you, Major? Aren't you gonna read your letter? 187 00:11:45,564 --> 00:11:50,331 - I already know what the answer is. - So did I. Come on. Take a peek. 188 00:11:50,435 --> 00:11:54,166 - I've been trying to avoid this from the start. - [Paper Rustling] 189 00:11:54,273 --> 00:11:57,367 My parents have been separated for over a year. 190 00:11:57,476 --> 00:12:00,036 They're not gonna want to face all those people together. 191 00:12:00,145 --> 00:12:03,080 I'm sorry, Margaret. I didn't know that. 192 00:12:03,181 --> 00:12:06,480 - [Banging] - What is it with these bumps? You're a priest, not a stripper. 193 00:12:06,585 --> 00:12:11,215 Sorry, Hawkeye. I know there's a road among these potholes somewhere. 194 00:12:14,326 --> 00:12:16,294 What'd they say, Margaret? 195 00:12:18,430 --> 00:12:21,228 Well, they say... 196 00:12:21,333 --> 00:12:25,531 they certainly can put aside their differences for one weekend... [Sniffles] 197 00:12:25,637 --> 00:12:28,128 And that I mean more to them than anything. 198 00:12:29,241 --> 00:12:31,209 Parents. 199 00:12:31,310 --> 00:12:34,905 Just when you got 'em pegged, they turn around and show you how much they love you. 200 00:12:35,013 --> 00:12:37,914 - [Bangs] - [Potter Yelps] 201 00:12:38,016 --> 00:12:41,782 - Go! Ride 'em, cowboy! - [Laughing] Ah, what does she say, Colonel? 202 00:12:41,887 --> 00:12:45,584 She couldn't be more tickled if she swallowed a feather duster. 203 00:12:45,691 --> 00:12:48,785 "Ellie Whitsett's even makin' me a new dress, Sherm. 204 00:12:48,894 --> 00:12:51,488 I'm trading her banjo lessons for it." 205 00:12:51,597 --> 00:12:53,895 - Mildred picks a hell of a banjo. - Oh, yeah? 206 00:12:53,999 --> 00:12:57,400 Say, she and Father Mulcahy's sister could get together and... 207 00:12:57,502 --> 00:13:00,062 Of course, I don't think Mildred knows any popular stuff. 208 00:13:00,172 --> 00:13:03,471 - She plays mostly classical banjo. - Mm. 209 00:13:03,575 --> 00:13:06,237 - How 'bout you? You want me to read yours for you? - Nah. 210 00:13:06,345 --> 00:13:09,678 - You wouldn't be able to. It's in Arabic. - Oh. 211 00:13:09,781 --> 00:13:12,147 Sure is a pretty-lookin' language. 212 00:13:12,250 --> 00:13:15,549 - [Yelps] Keep your grimy hands on the wheel! - Ooh! 213 00:13:15,654 --> 00:13:19,954 Look, I'm sorry, Major. The tires won't stay on the road. 214 00:13:20,058 --> 00:13:24,358 - What did my mom have to say? - Only if you keep your eyes straight ahead. 215 00:13:24,463 --> 00:13:26,590 - Okay. - All right. 216 00:13:26,698 --> 00:13:28,666 "Dear Walter..." [Scoffs] 217 00:13:28,767 --> 00:13:34,262 - "Your Uncle Ed and me were real excited about the get-together..." - Huh! 218 00:13:34,373 --> 00:13:37,638 - "We love the whole 'idear."' - Hey, that's great. 219 00:13:37,743 --> 00:13:42,077 Lord, this grammar is atrocious. First of all, it should be, "Your Uncle Ed and I... 220 00:13:42,180 --> 00:13:44,444 are very excited" or "terribly excited." 221 00:13:44,549 --> 00:13:47,040 We won't even discuss "idear." 222 00:13:47,152 --> 00:13:50,178 You don't have to translate for me. That's how she talks when she writes. 223 00:13:50,288 --> 00:13:54,247 - Uh, anyway, they "intends to come." - Gee, isn't that terrific? 224 00:13:54,359 --> 00:13:57,817 - Uh, what else did she say? - Well, there's something here of a personal nature... 225 00:13:57,929 --> 00:14:01,126 having to do with the sexual antics of one of your farm animals. 226 00:14:01,233 --> 00:14:03,963 [Laughing] That's Randy. He's our goat. 227 00:14:04,069 --> 00:14:07,368 Apparently he tried to "kiss a turkey." 228 00:14:07,472 --> 00:14:12,307 - Uh, Major, maybe you better put that letter in my pocket. - I think that's best. 229 00:14:12,411 --> 00:14:14,402 - What do your parents say? - Uh, well... 230 00:14:14,513 --> 00:14:18,449 I'm sure they can't top Randy, but this should be good for a laugh. 231 00:14:18,550 --> 00:14:21,485 Try not to take any of this personally, Corporal. 232 00:14:23,622 --> 00:14:27,251 I do not believe my eyes. 233 00:14:27,359 --> 00:14:30,522 "We thought it might be an interesting experience to attend"! 234 00:14:30,629 --> 00:14:33,723 - They're going. They're actually going! - [Laughs] 235 00:14:33,832 --> 00:14:37,529 "Certainly not much to keep us in Palm Beach this season. The weather is vile. 236 00:14:37,636 --> 00:14:41,697 "Chaz and Buffy Sprinsock have been blotto since the day we got here. 237 00:14:41,807 --> 00:14:43,707 "We do think we ought to meet the families... 238 00:14:43,809 --> 00:14:48,337 of those who are right now the most important people in your life"! 239 00:14:48,447 --> 00:14:51,780 - I do not believe this. Corporal. - What? 240 00:14:51,883 --> 00:14:53,180 - Corporal! - What? What? What? 241 00:14:53,285 --> 00:14:54,843 - Look out! - [Yells] 242 00:14:55,954 --> 00:14:57,922 Sorry, sir. 243 00:14:58,023 --> 00:15:01,481 - Captain, we just got a signal from the truck behind us. - Yeah? 244 00:15:01,593 --> 00:15:06,929 They've been passing the news all up and down the convoy. They want to go. Your party's on. 245 00:15:07,032 --> 00:15:09,728 - You're kidding? Hey! - [Laughs] 246 00:15:09,868 --> 00:15:11,802 Kellye, set up that sling right away. 247 00:15:11,903 --> 00:15:14,895 All right, folks. I know we're up to our knees in disaster here... 248 00:15:15,006 --> 00:15:18,965 but back home we've got armfuls of relatives just waiting to celebrate for us. 249 00:15:19,077 --> 00:15:20,977 All we have to do is set a date. 250 00:15:21,079 --> 00:15:24,105 The most appropriate one I can think of is Valentine's Day, February 14th. 251 00:15:24,216 --> 00:15:28,710 - Valentine's Day? Delightful. They can all meet in a garage in Chicago. - [Radar] Sir? 252 00:15:28,820 --> 00:15:33,655 Sir, the 121 st Evac just called, and Dr. Monroe up there just operated on your spinal patient. 253 00:15:33,759 --> 00:15:35,784 - Is he all right? - Better than all right. He's terrific. 254 00:15:35,894 --> 00:15:39,694 Doctor says in a couple months he ought to be able to feel the fuzz on a picture of a peach. 255 00:15:39,798 --> 00:15:43,962 - Ya-ha-ha-hoo! - Be quiet. You're coming right through this man's heart. 256 00:15:44,069 --> 00:15:47,334 I'm not gonna be quiet, Charles. I'm gonna howl! I'm gonna celebrate! 257 00:15:47,439 --> 00:15:51,102 I'm gonna bay at the moon, and so is everybody else around here! We've got a date... 258 00:15:51,209 --> 00:15:53,109 February 14th! 259 00:15:53,211 --> 00:15:56,647 - February 14th is impossible. - [Others Groaning, Protesting] 260 00:15:56,748 --> 00:15:59,546 No. I was willing to go along with this cheap sentimentality... 261 00:15:59,651 --> 00:16:02,085 because my parents were mildly interested... 262 00:16:02,187 --> 00:16:05,156 but I'm sorry to tell you that my father must attend a meeting... 263 00:16:05,257 --> 00:16:08,055 of the Board of Overseers at Harvard on that weekend... 264 00:16:08,160 --> 00:16:13,154 - and it's out of the question for them to attend. [Laughs] - [Others Chattering] 265 00:16:13,265 --> 00:16:18,293 How about another weekend? What about the weekend of the 21 st? Anybody can't make it the 21 st? 266 00:16:18,403 --> 00:16:21,566 - [Others Chattering, Affirming] - Oh, no, no, no, no. Wait a minute. 267 00:16:21,673 --> 00:16:26,337 The finals of the Davenport Midwinter Cattle Competition are on the 20th and the 21 st. 268 00:16:26,444 --> 00:16:32,246 - My mom and Uncle Ed are entering Edna's calf, so they have to go. - [Chattering, Questioning] 269 00:16:32,350 --> 00:16:35,046 She's just a baby calf. You don't expect her to go by herself? 270 00:16:35,153 --> 00:16:38,247 You're gonna hold up our reunion because of a dumb cow? 271 00:16:38,356 --> 00:16:41,689 Hey, listen. This is my reunion too. And Edna's calf is not dumb. 272 00:16:41,793 --> 00:16:44,762 All right. Let's not get into personalities. 273 00:16:44,863 --> 00:16:47,661 How about March 1 st? That's a nice round number. 274 00:16:47,766 --> 00:16:51,566 - Anybody have any problem with March 1 st? - [Chattering, Affirming] 275 00:16:51,670 --> 00:16:54,161 - All right. That's settled. March 1 st is it. - [Strikes Table] 276 00:16:54,272 --> 00:16:59,073 - Uh, I'm afraid March 1 st is out of the question. - [Chattering, Protesting] 277 00:16:59,177 --> 00:17:01,702 Un-Unfortunately, my sister's basketball team... 278 00:17:01,813 --> 00:17:03,781 at the convent won first place in their division. 279 00:17:03,882 --> 00:17:05,941 - Terrific. - On March 1 st, she'll be... 280 00:17:06,051 --> 00:17:08,781 knocking them out at the play-offs with her fade-away hook. 281 00:17:08,887 --> 00:17:12,482 - She could be named Most Valuable Sister. - [Others Affirming] 282 00:17:12,591 --> 00:17:17,153 - This is dragging out longer than the war. What about March 8th? - [Chatter] 283 00:17:17,262 --> 00:17:21,255 Nope, nope, nope, nope. Our grandson Corey has his birthday on the 7 th. 284 00:17:21,366 --> 00:17:23,698 Mildred'll be in St. Louis that weekend. 285 00:17:23,802 --> 00:17:28,762 - This'll be the big number five for him. That's half a decade. - [Chattering, Arguing] 286 00:17:28,874 --> 00:17:34,176 - Folks, folks, we're running low on March. How about the 15th? - [Chattering, Affirming] 287 00:17:34,279 --> 00:17:36,839 - Okay. All right. The ides have it. - No, no, no, no. 288 00:17:36,948 --> 00:17:40,076 - Et tu, "Brutess'"? - My father meets with his old regiment... 289 00:17:40,185 --> 00:17:42,278 annually every third Monday in March. 290 00:17:42,387 --> 00:17:47,484 - They've been doing it for 30 years. He refuses to miss it. - [Chattering, Groaning] 291 00:17:47,592 --> 00:17:52,052 - Let's push it up again. How about Halloween, 1960? - [Chattering] 292 00:17:52,163 --> 00:17:55,462 Listen. Does anybody have any objection to March 21 st? 293 00:17:55,567 --> 00:18:00,869 - I don't know how to say this, but March 21 st is impossible. - [Chattering, Protesting] 294 00:18:00,972 --> 00:18:03,964 That's the weekend Peg takes the exam for her real estate broker's license. 295 00:18:04,075 --> 00:18:08,569 She's been studying for it for a long time. I just can't ask her to drop it. 296 00:18:08,680 --> 00:18:13,379 All right. All right. Before you get out the rope, she sent me a list of alternative dates. 297 00:18:13,485 --> 00:18:17,182 The next weekend is clear for her. That would be March 28th. Check your lists. 298 00:18:17,289 --> 00:18:20,452 Does anybody have a problem on March 28th? 299 00:18:23,028 --> 00:18:25,462 You mean we're in? 300 00:18:25,563 --> 00:18:28,896 - Bingo! - [All Cheering, Chattering] 301 00:18:29,000 --> 00:18:32,800 All right. All right. Now, in 15 minutes, we meet out in front of the signpost. 302 00:18:32,904 --> 00:18:35,702 We'll take a picture that they can blow up big as life... 303 00:18:35,807 --> 00:18:38,867 everybody with a big, cheesy grin pointing toward home. 304 00:18:38,977 --> 00:18:44,040 Then, on March 28th, the people we love will get together for one gigantic hug! 305 00:18:44,149 --> 00:18:49,348 [Others Cheering, Hooting] 306 00:18:49,454 --> 00:18:52,651 [Scatting] You're not actually gonna wear that, are you? 307 00:18:52,757 --> 00:18:56,921 I didn't come all the way to Korea to have my picture taken in a soldier suit. 308 00:18:57,028 --> 00:19:00,122 We gotta take that picture someplace else... anywhere but the signpost. 309 00:19:00,231 --> 00:19:03,689 - What do you mean? - Klinger, the signpost shows our families how much we miss 'em... 310 00:19:03,802 --> 00:19:05,963 how far we are from where we really wanna be. 311 00:19:06,071 --> 00:19:08,437 - All right, then, my parents can't come! - What? 312 00:19:08,540 --> 00:19:11,532 [B.J.] Wait a minute. Why? 313 00:19:11,643 --> 00:19:14,976 - It's my mother. She doesn't know I'm here. - Doesn't know you're in Korea? 314 00:19:15,080 --> 00:19:18,481 She thinks I'm in New Jersey. I told her I was at Fort Dix. 315 00:19:18,583 --> 00:19:21,984 I didn't want her to worry. Every day she'd wake up with the fear I was gonna die. 316 00:19:22,087 --> 00:19:24,385 All this time she thought you were in New Jersey? 317 00:19:24,489 --> 00:19:28,050 She doesn't speak English. All she knows is what the family tells her. 318 00:19:28,159 --> 00:19:31,686 When I was stationed at Fort Dix, I took almost a hundred snapshots of myself. 319 00:19:31,796 --> 00:19:35,163 I've been sending 'em to her every month: Me at the Fort Dix motor pool... 320 00:19:35,266 --> 00:19:39,327 me peeling Fort Dix potatoes, me getting thrown out of the Fort Dix Officers Club. 321 00:19:39,437 --> 00:19:42,406 Wait a minute. Klinger, I think I know a way around this. 322 00:19:48,446 --> 00:19:50,812 [Thinking] At long last it's in your hands, Peg. 323 00:19:50,915 --> 00:19:54,942 On March 28th, I'll be picturing you in Manhattan at the Pierre Hotel. 324 00:19:55,053 --> 00:19:56,953 Have a great time. 325 00:19:57,055 --> 00:20:01,822 Just make sure nobody says the word "Korea" when they're standing next to Mrs. Klinger. 326 00:20:01,926 --> 00:20:05,692 Hug each other for us, the way we wish we could be hugging you ourselves. 327 00:20:05,797 --> 00:20:08,231 I love you very much. 328 00:20:08,400 --> 00:20:10,925 [Hawkeye] Margaret, rib spreader. A chest full of shrapnel. 329 00:20:11,036 --> 00:20:12,936 How's that for a present from the Easter Bunny? 330 00:20:13,038 --> 00:20:15,598 Sirs and everybody, I got a whole bunch of letters here... 331 00:20:15,707 --> 00:20:19,438 - and they're all on stationery from the Pierre Hotel. - [Cheering] 332 00:20:19,544 --> 00:20:22,308 - Read one out loud, Radar. - Who's first? 333 00:20:22,414 --> 00:20:25,611 We owe this moment to B.J. Why don't you read Peg's first? Is that okay? 334 00:20:25,717 --> 00:20:27,947 That is so okay like you can't believe. 335 00:20:29,754 --> 00:20:32,484 - "My Darling..." - We know you like him, Radar. Read the letter. 336 00:20:32,590 --> 00:20:34,820 Aw, come on. 337 00:20:34,926 --> 00:20:38,828 "It's 4:00 in the morning, and the party just broke up a few minutes ago. 338 00:20:38,930 --> 00:20:41,125 "No one wanted it to end. 339 00:20:41,232 --> 00:20:44,258 "We hugged and hung onto each other by the elevators for hours... 340 00:20:44,369 --> 00:20:46,269 "before we finally said good night. 341 00:20:46,371 --> 00:20:51,536 "We love you and miss you so much. We felt as if we'd known one another all our lives. 342 00:20:51,643 --> 00:20:57,309 "Everyone had the most wonderful time. Mr. And Mrs. Winchester were the hit of the party. 343 00:20:57,415 --> 00:21:00,111 "We all cleared the dance floor when they did the Charleston... 344 00:21:00,218 --> 00:21:02,550 "with Radar's mother and Uncle Ed.! 345 00:21:02,654 --> 00:21:06,784 "In fact, the Winchesters were so taken with the O'Reillys... 346 00:21:06,891 --> 00:21:11,328 "that they invited Radar and his family to visit them at their house on the Cape... 347 00:21:11,429 --> 00:21:13,488 the first summer he gets home from Korea." 348 00:21:13,598 --> 00:21:15,623 - Holy cow! - [Laughing] 349 00:21:15,733 --> 00:21:19,499 Hunnicutt, you're to blame for this. 350 00:21:19,604 --> 00:21:21,799 "Father Mulcahy's Sister Angelica... 351 00:21:21,906 --> 00:21:24,136 "had thejointjumping with her saxophone. 352 00:21:24,242 --> 00:21:27,336 "Margaret Houlihan's mother and father had a wonderful time. 353 00:21:27,445 --> 00:21:29,709 "They danced the whole evening together. 354 00:21:29,814 --> 00:21:33,341 "Hawkeye's father took a real shine to Mrs. Potter. 355 00:21:33,451 --> 00:21:38,320 They danced all the waltzes together and even had a go at the Lindy once or twice. '" 356 00:21:38,423 --> 00:21:41,358 [Potter] pierce, if your father is anything like you... 357 00:21:41,459 --> 00:21:45,054 we're gonna have to have a long, long talk about this. 358 00:21:45,163 --> 00:21:48,690 "I guess the most touching moment was when I saw Mrs. Klinger... 359 00:21:48,800 --> 00:21:51,769 "looking at the picture of all of you under the Fort Dix sign. 360 00:21:51,870 --> 00:21:53,861 "There were tears in her eyes... 361 00:21:53,972 --> 00:21:58,204 "when she told me through her brother Abdul that you didn't have to bother. 362 00:21:58,309 --> 00:22:01,574 "She'd known all along that her son was really in Korea. 363 00:22:01,679 --> 00:22:05,911 "But she wouldn't let on, because she didn't want him to worry about her... 364 00:22:06,017 --> 00:22:07,917 so you'd better not tell Klinger. '" 365 00:22:08,019 --> 00:22:10,852 Ooh. Gee. I'm sorry. I guess I shouldn't have read that part. 366 00:22:11,956 --> 00:22:13,856 That's okay, kid. 367 00:22:13,958 --> 00:22:16,950 Boy, I could never fool her on anything. 368 00:22:17,061 --> 00:22:18,722 - Hey, Klinger. - Yeah? 369 00:22:18,830 --> 00:22:21,526 Welcome to Korea. 370 00:22:21,633 --> 00:22:23,863 "Tomorrow, we're all gonna have lunch at the Automat." 371 00:22:23,968 --> 00:22:26,766 - Oh, wow! I always wanted to do that. - [Chuckles] 372 00:22:26,871 --> 00:22:29,601 "And then to a Broadway musical. And then..." 373 00:22:29,707 --> 00:22:33,268 Hey, listen to this! "The hotel is treating us to a good-bye dinner." 374 00:22:33,378 --> 00:22:35,278 - Hey. - [Gleeful Commotion] 375 00:22:35,380 --> 00:22:37,541 "The maître d' says there'll be flowers on every table..." 376 00:22:40,218 --> 00:22:43,051 I gotta hand it to me. That was some idea I had. 377 00:22:43,154 --> 00:22:45,622 I wonder if they give a Nobel Prize for parties. 378 00:22:45,723 --> 00:22:47,623 Um, oh, excuse me, sirs. 379 00:22:47,725 --> 00:22:51,456 I just need to, uh, talk to Major Winchester just for a minute. 380 00:22:51,563 --> 00:22:54,794 - Is that okay with you, Major? - Be brief and be gone. 381 00:22:55,967 --> 00:22:59,061 Yeah. Well, um, I was just thinking... 382 00:22:59,170 --> 00:23:02,571 You know, there's a lot of talk now about the peace talks... 383 00:23:02,674 --> 00:23:06,906 and, uh, gee, you know if they should declare peace around May orJune... 384 00:23:07,011 --> 00:23:10,572 well, you know, that's, uh, my first summer after the war. 385 00:23:10,682 --> 00:23:12,582 Mm. So? 386 00:23:12,684 --> 00:23:16,882 Well, so, uh, maybe we should start planning about you and me and our families... 387 00:23:16,988 --> 00:23:19,422 getting together at the Cape of Cod. 388 00:23:19,524 --> 00:23:22,254 - What? - Absolutely! 389 00:23:22,360 --> 00:23:25,761 Let's work this out. Radar, how many rooms will you need? 390 00:23:25,863 --> 00:23:28,423 Oh, well, I think my mother should have a room of her own. 391 00:23:28,533 --> 00:23:31,991 But, uh, my Uncle Ed and me could share one. Or I could sleep on a couch or something. 392 00:23:32,103 --> 00:23:35,095 Is there anything they can bring, Charles? Extra blankets? Pots and pans? 393 00:23:35,206 --> 00:23:36,764 - Bathing suits. - Of course. 394 00:23:36,874 --> 00:23:38,774 And towels? You have enough towels, Charles? 395 00:23:38,876 --> 00:23:40,776 Sure. We could bring extra towels. That's no problem. 396 00:23:40,878 --> 00:23:43,608 Bring anything you want. 397 00:23:43,715 --> 00:23:45,979 Bring your goat. 398 00:23:46,084 --> 00:23:49,611 Makes no difference to me, 'cause I shan't be there. 399 00:23:49,721 --> 00:23:52,189 I'm turning myself in to the Chinese.