1 00:00:54,947 --> 00:00:57,507 Ohh. Twenty-three hours of O.R. 2 00:00:57,617 --> 00:01:00,177 So? Twenty-three hours. 3 00:01:00,286 --> 00:01:02,516 It's not like we were in there all day. 4 00:01:02,622 --> 00:01:05,182 I feel like Dorian Gray's picture. 5 00:01:05,291 --> 00:01:07,589 Does anyone mind if I relax to some Beethoven? 6 00:01:07,693 --> 00:01:09,661 - Yes, I'm sick of him. - Not tonight. 7 00:01:09,762 --> 00:01:11,696 - All righty, since you insist. - [Classical] 8 00:01:11,797 --> 00:01:14,095 Well, at least he had the decency to ask. 9 00:01:14,200 --> 00:01:17,067 My body is so tired it's suing me for running a sweatshop. 10 00:01:17,169 --> 00:01:19,694 - [Continues] - Why am I wide awake? 11 00:01:19,805 --> 00:01:21,705 Shh. 12 00:01:21,807 --> 00:01:23,900 I know. Perhaps a brisk walk. 13 00:01:24,010 --> 00:01:27,673 Again? How am I supposed to get any sleep with you climbing the furniture all the time? 14 00:01:27,780 --> 00:01:29,680 It helps me unwind. 15 00:01:29,782 --> 00:01:31,682 I picked this up from Truman. 16 00:01:31,784 --> 00:01:34,719 He does it all around the Oval Office whenever they're shampooing the rug. 17 00:01:34,820 --> 00:01:37,288 I am living in a giant crib. 18 00:01:37,390 --> 00:01:39,324 Damn it! 19 00:01:39,425 --> 00:01:41,757 I can't get my mind off that baby-faced corporal. 20 00:01:41,861 --> 00:01:45,729 Six hours rebuilding his only kidney... I'll bet I didn't do him any good at all. 21 00:01:45,831 --> 00:01:47,924 Beej, don't agonize. You did the best you could. 22 00:01:48,034 --> 00:01:49,934 Now it's up to the boys in Taegu. 23 00:01:50,036 --> 00:01:52,300 I'm gonna go over to Radar's office and make a call... 24 00:01:52,405 --> 00:01:55,806 - see if they've got him on that new dialysis machine yet. - Relax. He just got there. 25 00:01:55,908 --> 00:01:58,570 - Give 'em some time. - Will you climb down before I get the flyswatter? 26 00:01:58,678 --> 00:02:01,704 A man can't even roam the walls of his own castle! 27 00:02:01,814 --> 00:02:05,375 Charles, I was in here last night, I saw that new surgical journal. 28 00:02:05,484 --> 00:02:08,078 - Anything on urology? - Hey. Clean socks. 29 00:02:08,187 --> 00:02:10,621 - Aha! - That's it! Finito.! 30 00:02:10,723 --> 00:02:14,159 Get back! Back! I am sick of both of you! 31 00:02:14,260 --> 00:02:16,228 We've been cooped up together for a month. 32 00:02:16,329 --> 00:02:19,389 O.R. To Mess Tent to here. O.R. To Mess Tent to here. 33 00:02:19,498 --> 00:02:22,092 - Charles, are you mad at us? - [Screams] 34 00:02:23,602 --> 00:02:26,162 - Shut up, Beethoven, ya hack! - [Stops] 35 00:02:26,272 --> 00:02:30,208 - Boy, this is serious. - Turning on his only friend. 36 00:02:30,309 --> 00:02:32,277 You know what we need? 37 00:02:32,378 --> 00:02:34,778 - We need to get thrown out of Rosie's bar. - Ah. 38 00:02:34,880 --> 00:02:37,542 Have a few thousand drinks, propose to a girl or two. 39 00:02:37,650 --> 00:02:40,744 Staring into a pair of soft eyes wouldn't do you a bit of harm, Charles. 40 00:02:40,853 --> 00:02:44,448 - Not to mention what it would do for me. - All right, I believe I will. 41 00:02:44,557 --> 00:02:48,618 - Okay. - If you two stay here! 42 00:02:50,229 --> 00:02:52,754 - Fine. You need a binge more than we do. Go. - Go. 43 00:02:52,865 --> 00:02:56,232 - Flatten a marine for us. - Gentlemen. 44 00:02:57,636 --> 00:02:59,729 Well, now it's just you and me... 45 00:03:00,773 --> 00:03:03,367 again. 46 00:03:03,476 --> 00:03:05,444 [Screams] 47 00:03:05,544 --> 00:03:07,944 [Singing] 48 00:03:17,790 --> 00:03:21,419 Thank you, thank you, thank you. You're a great group. 49 00:03:21,527 --> 00:03:25,520 - Rosie, uh, the pipes are dry. - Free drinks on the house if you don't sing anymore. 50 00:03:25,631 --> 00:03:29,294 Ah. No wonder Sophie Tucker never plays this room. 51 00:03:32,371 --> 00:03:34,362 Do you mind if I join you? 52 00:03:34,473 --> 00:03:36,839 Oh, you got an affair you want me to sing at, right? 53 00:03:38,844 --> 00:03:40,835 L... I couldn't help but notice something. 54 00:03:40,946 --> 00:03:44,404 - You're wearing a dress. - I made it. Why shouldn't I wear it? 55 00:03:44,517 --> 00:03:47,645 [Chuckles] Oh. Oh, you are really a gas. 56 00:03:47,753 --> 00:03:50,654 Corporal Max Klinger, Section Eight, First Class. 57 00:03:50,756 --> 00:03:54,487 Lieutenant Deborah Clark, 8063rd MASH. Call me Debbie. 58 00:03:54,593 --> 00:03:57,357 Debbie. That's a very exotic handle. 59 00:03:57,463 --> 00:04:00,398 Hey, how'd you like me to take you to Paris? 60 00:04:00,499 --> 00:04:03,935 - Really? - Sure, I'll just ask the colonel for a six-month pass. 61 00:04:04,036 --> 00:04:07,972 Don't laugh. It'll be the most reasonable request I've ever made. 62 00:04:08,074 --> 00:04:11,942 You know, this may be kind of sudden, you being in women's clothes and all... 63 00:04:12,044 --> 00:04:13,944 but I think I'm in love. 64 00:04:14,046 --> 00:04:16,514 Hey, wait till you get to know me. 65 00:04:16,615 --> 00:04:18,583 [Chattering] 66 00:04:26,092 --> 00:04:28,788 The joint is jumpin' now. What are you drinking, big boy? 67 00:04:28,894 --> 00:04:31,488 Do you have a wine... list? 68 00:04:31,597 --> 00:04:33,895 Huh? Lucky we have wine. 69 00:04:33,999 --> 00:04:36,058 - All right. Bring me your finest. - Comin' up. 70 00:04:36,168 --> 00:04:38,636 Bottle of seedless red for number five. 71 00:04:40,272 --> 00:04:42,240 Dandy. 72 00:04:46,512 --> 00:04:50,209 Can I... help you? 73 00:04:50,316 --> 00:04:52,841 - Want to buy me a burger? - Beg your pardon? 74 00:04:52,952 --> 00:04:55,420 Usually I ask for a drink, but I'm starved. 75 00:04:55,521 --> 00:04:58,081 Ah. Oh, I see. 76 00:04:58,190 --> 00:05:00,715 I buy you a burger, then we dance, then we drink... 77 00:05:00,826 --> 00:05:03,659 then we go over to your modest little place for a nightcap. 78 00:05:03,762 --> 00:05:06,925 Oh, we can skip the dancing, but I can sure use the burger. 79 00:05:07,032 --> 00:05:10,934 Sorry, Miss, uh, uh... 80 00:05:11,036 --> 00:05:14,836 Wimpy, but I'm not in need of someone like... 81 00:05:14,940 --> 00:05:18,034 Well, that is to say, I'm not looking for... 82 00:05:19,712 --> 00:05:21,680 Thanks, but no thanks. 83 00:05:21,780 --> 00:05:24,078 Come on. Don't be a fuddy-duddy. 84 00:05:24,183 --> 00:05:26,174 [Chuckles] Here's a dollar. 85 00:05:26,285 --> 00:05:29,254 Buy yourself that burger. All the way. 86 00:05:29,355 --> 00:05:31,346 Thanks, Joe. 87 00:05:31,457 --> 00:05:34,517 Hey, listen, it's up to you. The nights around here are very long. 88 00:05:34,627 --> 00:05:36,595 It helps to have some company. 89 00:05:36,695 --> 00:05:38,754 Burger. 90 00:05:43,402 --> 00:05:45,370 Let it breathe for a while. 91 00:05:52,845 --> 00:05:55,313 [Ballad] 92 00:05:55,414 --> 00:05:57,382 [Woman Laughing] 93 00:06:04,857 --> 00:06:06,825 Shall we dance? 94 00:06:06,926 --> 00:06:10,259 Well, I thought you were gonna sleep through the whole morning. 95 00:06:10,362 --> 00:06:13,559 - It's 6:30 already. - I know. You stopped snoring at 6:00. 96 00:06:13,666 --> 00:06:15,600 Charles never made it back last night, huh? 97 00:06:15,701 --> 00:06:18,602 No, and I'd be happy for him if I wasn't so jealous. 98 00:06:18,704 --> 00:06:21,468 At least one of us was with somebody interesting for a change. 99 00:06:21,574 --> 00:06:24,600 - Well! - I must have read through this thing a hundred times. 100 00:06:24,710 --> 00:06:28,908 - A hundred and five. - I should have spent more time checking that renal artery. 101 00:06:29,014 --> 00:06:32,814 Will you cut it out.! Compulsive obsessive... that's what you are. 102 00:06:32,918 --> 00:06:35,819 Hamlet was a pile of giggles compared to you. 103 00:06:35,921 --> 00:06:38,481 Every time you have a borderline case, you go through this. 104 00:06:38,591 --> 00:06:40,752 - Close him up already. - I'm concerned. Do you mind? 105 00:06:40,859 --> 00:06:41,951 - Yes. - Why? 106 00:06:42,061 --> 00:06:43,585 Because you're driving me crazy. 107 00:06:43,696 --> 00:06:46,927 I'm obsessive? Did you ever watch yourself brush your teeth? 108 00:06:47,032 --> 00:06:49,830 - What? - Each tooth, up and down, 10 times. 109 00:06:49,935 --> 00:06:52,665 - Same rhythm, 10 times. - How do you know? 110 00:06:52,771 --> 00:06:54,932 I watch you do it every morning and every night. 111 00:06:55,040 --> 00:06:56,940 Can't you go across once? Just once? 112 00:06:57,042 --> 00:06:59,943 I was taught to brush my teeth this way. 113 00:07:00,045 --> 00:07:02,843 - Boy. No wonder Charles can't stand you. - [Knock On Door] 114 00:07:02,948 --> 00:07:07,112 Good morning, sirs. The sun is up, and it's a hap-hap-happy day. 115 00:07:07,219 --> 00:07:09,346 No admittance without a cloud over your head. 116 00:07:09,455 --> 00:07:11,650 Feast your eyes on a hap-hap-happy man. 117 00:07:11,757 --> 00:07:13,691 Knock-knock-knock it off, Klinger. 118 00:07:13,792 --> 00:07:16,454 She thinks I'm outrageous. She thinks I'm unique. 119 00:07:16,562 --> 00:07:18,462 - She likes me. - She who? 120 00:07:18,564 --> 00:07:21,089 Nurse Clark over at the 8063rd. Debbie. 121 00:07:21,200 --> 00:07:25,967 Who'd ever think a kid from the streets ofToledo would wind up meeting a girl named Debbie? 122 00:07:26,071 --> 00:07:29,472 Could be love, gents. Oh, I almost forgot. You got a message from Taegu. 123 00:07:29,575 --> 00:07:32,567 Doesn't sound like that guy on the kidney machine is in too good a shape. 124 00:07:32,678 --> 00:07:34,578 Damn. He's bleeding from the shunt. 125 00:07:34,680 --> 00:07:37,274 I knew with all those transfusions there'd be clotting problems. 126 00:07:37,383 --> 00:07:39,578 - Here we go again. - Good morning, gentlemen. 127 00:07:39,685 --> 00:07:42,813 - Max. - You're a little late for curfew, Charles. 128 00:07:42,921 --> 00:07:45,651 Hey, Major, that was some hot dish I saw you with last night. 129 00:07:45,758 --> 00:07:48,556 - Whoo! - You were with a dish, Klinger. 130 00:07:48,661 --> 00:07:51,129 - I was with a lady. - Of the evening. 131 00:07:51,230 --> 00:07:54,199 Ohh, you rascal, spending your allowance like that. 132 00:07:54,300 --> 00:07:56,791 [Chuckles] Out of the gutter, Pierce. 133 00:07:56,902 --> 00:07:59,928 Sooni, the charming woman with whom you saw me last night... 134 00:08:00,039 --> 00:08:03,440 happens to be a member of one of Korea's oldest and most aristocratic families. 135 00:08:03,542 --> 00:08:06,136 Whatever you say, Major. Whoo! 136 00:08:06,245 --> 00:08:09,510 Charles, what is so tough about admitting you went out and had a good time? 137 00:08:09,615 --> 00:08:11,742 We couldn't think any less of you than we already do. 138 00:08:11,850 --> 00:08:17,311 Pierce, do I seem the sort that would associate with a common trollop? 139 00:08:17,423 --> 00:08:20,290 Before you speak your gamy mind, the answer is no. 140 00:08:20,392 --> 00:08:22,792 I'm just worried. You might not be good enough for her. 141 00:08:22,895 --> 00:08:25,693 [Chuckles] Max, old man... 142 00:08:25,798 --> 00:08:28,699 what are the chances of my browsing through your dress collection? 143 00:08:28,801 --> 00:08:32,237 Major, if the cause is love, you can have anything you want... wholesale. 144 00:08:32,338 --> 00:08:34,636 - Max, you are a gentleman and a lady. - Come on. 145 00:08:34,740 --> 00:08:36,867 - Ah. - Two peas in a pod. 146 00:08:38,877 --> 00:08:40,777 Will you put that down. 147 00:08:40,879 --> 00:08:43,575 - Why don't you buzz off? - I'd love to. Where am I gonna go? 148 00:08:43,682 --> 00:08:47,880 Ah, good evening, sirs. Let me say just two words... meat loaf. 149 00:08:47,986 --> 00:08:52,286 Very tempting. I sampled a piece myself this evening, and you'll notice I'm still vertical. 150 00:08:52,391 --> 00:08:54,382 Is he wearing a Class "A" uniform? 151 00:08:54,493 --> 00:08:57,326 Let's see. Ugly color, 40 years out of style, fits like a tent... 152 00:08:57,429 --> 00:08:59,329 Yeah, that's a Class "A" all right. 153 00:08:59,431 --> 00:09:02,764 Excuse the deviation, Colonel, but I have a little rendezvous later... 154 00:09:02,868 --> 00:09:05,268 and we promised each other to dress in something kinky. 155 00:09:05,371 --> 00:09:07,430 Klinger, I take my hat off to ya. 156 00:09:07,539 --> 00:09:09,837 You're always comin' up with another loony tune. 157 00:09:09,942 --> 00:09:13,400 [Laughs] A Class "A" uniform. 158 00:09:13,512 --> 00:09:15,673 Sooni, you look ravishing. 159 00:09:15,781 --> 00:09:19,774 I don't like this dress. With all these buttons, it take forever to get out of it. 160 00:09:19,885 --> 00:09:24,185 Let's save that talk for home, shall we? 161 00:09:25,591 --> 00:09:27,559 You sure are a bashful bozo. 162 00:09:29,294 --> 00:09:32,889 Hey, you got good eats here. Thanks for bringing me. 163 00:09:32,998 --> 00:09:36,161 Don't thank me. It was your idea. 164 00:09:38,337 --> 00:09:41,636 Pudding on meat loaf. [Chuckles] 165 00:09:41,740 --> 00:09:43,640 - Charming. - Mmm. 166 00:09:43,742 --> 00:09:45,903 Sooni, look. 167 00:09:46,011 --> 00:09:49,344 This is the way you hold your fork, eh? 168 00:09:49,448 --> 00:09:52,781 That's the way you hold your fork. I hold mine like this. 169 00:09:52,885 --> 00:09:54,819 Oh. [Chuckles] 170 00:09:57,556 --> 00:09:59,524 - Hi there. - Hello. 171 00:09:59,625 --> 00:10:03,152 - Fun day in post-op? - Mm-hmm. Loving every minute of it. 172 00:10:03,262 --> 00:10:05,753 - What time do you relieve me? - 9:00. 173 00:10:05,864 --> 00:10:08,526 - Good, I can use the sleep. - Mm-hmm. 174 00:10:10,068 --> 00:10:13,037 Do you have to do that? 175 00:10:13,138 --> 00:10:16,073 - What is it now? - Sniffing your food like a stray dog. 176 00:10:16,175 --> 00:10:19,042 - It's more disgusting than the food itself. - Oh, it annoys you, huh? 177 00:10:19,144 --> 00:10:21,044 No, it makes me sick. 178 00:10:21,146 --> 00:10:24,081 It's all the same food. You've eaten it a hundred thousand times already. 179 00:10:24,183 --> 00:10:26,242 Why do you insist on smelling it? 180 00:10:26,351 --> 00:10:28,842 - Because it's a little habit I can't break. - Mmm. 181 00:10:28,954 --> 00:10:31,855 Kind of like the way you constantly comb your cheesy-looking mustache. 182 00:10:31,957 --> 00:10:34,050 Sure, that's you. A little constructive criticism... 183 00:10:34,159 --> 00:10:36,059 right away you go for a man's upper lip. 184 00:10:36,161 --> 00:10:39,597 Let me tell you something, Mr. Clean. It's no fun living with you night and day... 185 00:10:39,698 --> 00:10:42,633 because you, bunky, are one solid six-foot mass... 186 00:10:42,734 --> 00:10:45,168 of annoying, hair-curling little habits. 187 00:10:45,270 --> 00:10:47,261 - Oh? - There's one. 188 00:10:47,372 --> 00:10:49,340 [Chuckles] That's my favorite. 189 00:10:49,441 --> 00:10:52,877 The "Gosh, you're so amusing" smirk. It drives me up a wall. 190 00:10:52,978 --> 00:10:54,946 Does it? 191 00:10:55,047 --> 00:10:56,947 Yeah. 192 00:10:57,049 --> 00:11:00,576 - Just be in post-op at 9:00, Fido. - [Growls] 193 00:11:00,686 --> 00:11:04,087 - Spin and win. Spin and win. - [Woman Laughing] 194 00:11:04,189 --> 00:11:07,090 Everyone benefits when we play bingo. 195 00:11:07,192 --> 00:11:09,319 Uh, N-42. 196 00:11:09,428 --> 00:11:11,328 - [Man] I got it. - Nazareth. 197 00:11:11,430 --> 00:11:14,558 - Nazareth 42. - Is N-45 close enough? 198 00:11:14,666 --> 00:11:18,124 Nothing like a relaxing game of bingo to frustrate the bejeebers out of you. 199 00:11:18,237 --> 00:11:20,171 Oh, Colonel, this was a wonderful idea. 200 00:11:20,272 --> 00:11:22,206 After all we've gone through in O.R. Lately... 201 00:11:22,307 --> 00:11:24,775 it's good to have something competitive to break the tension. 202 00:11:24,877 --> 00:11:28,244 - Oh, clam it, Margaret. You've won every game. - Yes, I have. 203 00:11:28,347 --> 00:11:31,612 I'd like to remind everyone to stick around for the jackpot game. 204 00:11:31,717 --> 00:11:35,517 First one to get their numbers in the sign of a cross wins a cash bonanza. 205 00:11:35,621 --> 00:11:37,589 I'm glued to my chair. 206 00:11:37,689 --> 00:11:40,351 - Next number. L-19. - L-19. 207 00:11:40,459 --> 00:11:43,519 - Isaiah 19. - [Potter] Aw, poop. 208 00:11:43,629 --> 00:11:47,793 Wait a minute. I got it. Okay, Margaret, I'm breathing down your alabaster neck. 209 00:11:47,900 --> 00:11:49,800 - Excuse me. It's 9:30. - Oh, yeah. Right. 210 00:11:49,902 --> 00:11:52,700 I just need one more number. Give me a second. Let's go, Father. 211 00:11:52,804 --> 00:11:56,262 I wouldn't want to take you away from anything important. You might win a dollar and a half. 212 00:11:56,375 --> 00:11:58,741 G-57. Huh. 213 00:11:58,844 --> 00:12:00,744 Let's see. Who haven't we used yet? 214 00:12:00,846 --> 00:12:03,144 - Oh, Gabriel. Gabriel 57. - [All Murmuring] 215 00:12:03,248 --> 00:12:05,944 It's two dollars. And what's the difference? 216 00:12:06,051 --> 00:12:08,815 Could you two hold it down? I can't hear myself losing. 217 00:12:08,921 --> 00:12:11,549 You're so damn competitive, you can't walk out on a penny-ante bingo game. 218 00:12:11,657 --> 00:12:13,557 That's it. I've had it with you. 219 00:12:13,659 --> 00:12:17,186 I don't walk right. I don't eat right. I don't even brush my teeth right. 220 00:12:17,296 --> 00:12:19,196 Well, excuse me for living, pal. 221 00:12:19,298 --> 00:12:21,596 G-52. 222 00:12:21,700 --> 00:12:25,067 Uh... Oh, no. We can't use him. 223 00:12:25,170 --> 00:12:28,230 Uh... Gosh 52. 224 00:12:28,340 --> 00:12:32,208 I wish I could find a miserable existence somewhere else... preferably without you. 225 00:12:32,311 --> 00:12:35,838 Let me save you the trouble. I've been living with you long enough. I'm moving out. 226 00:12:35,948 --> 00:12:38,007 - The sooner the better, friend. - Shh! 227 00:12:38,116 --> 00:12:40,084 - Fine! - Fine. 228 00:12:40,185 --> 00:12:42,153 - B-4. - [Margaret] Bingo.! 229 00:12:42,254 --> 00:12:44,222 Ah, for cryin' out loud! 230 00:12:50,395 --> 00:12:52,955 Here we are. 231 00:12:53,065 --> 00:12:55,727 - Hey, this is not bad. - [Chuckles] 232 00:12:55,834 --> 00:12:59,270 Let's just say it beats your alternative. 233 00:12:59,371 --> 00:13:02,238 - My what? - The back of the truck. 234 00:13:03,976 --> 00:13:09,107 Oh, how I wish we were in Tokyo where we could have some privacy. 235 00:13:09,214 --> 00:13:11,978 What's the problem? We can just grab a couple of blankets and... 236 00:13:12,084 --> 00:13:15,144 Sooni, please, don't kill the moment. 237 00:13:15,253 --> 00:13:19,451 You're with me now. Your past is behind you. 238 00:13:19,558 --> 00:13:22,152 Okay, it's your dime, poopsy. 239 00:13:22,260 --> 00:13:24,228 Poop... 240 00:13:24,329 --> 00:13:26,854 Have you ever heard Tchaikovsky? 241 00:13:26,965 --> 00:13:29,399 Yeah, I think I heard it at Rosie's bar. 242 00:13:29,501 --> 00:13:31,992 [Laughs] I'm sure you didn't. 243 00:13:32,104 --> 00:13:36,734 This is the Serenade for Strings in "C" Major, opus 48. 244 00:13:36,842 --> 00:13:39,402 Such stuff as dreams are made on. 245 00:13:39,511 --> 00:13:42,480 - [Classical] - [Humming Along] 246 00:13:47,352 --> 00:13:49,377 Isn't that beautiful? 247 00:13:49,488 --> 00:13:54,858 - Eh. - Oh, listen to the sweet anguish in this music, the yearning. 248 00:13:54,960 --> 00:13:56,860 Hey, you keep any "C" rations here? 249 00:13:56,962 --> 00:13:58,953 I can sure go for some franks and beans. 250 00:13:59,064 --> 00:14:02,761 Sooni, please listen to the music. 251 00:14:02,868 --> 00:14:05,359 It would mean so much to me if we could share this. 252 00:14:06,571 --> 00:14:08,539 Can I get out of this dumb dress? 253 00:14:08,640 --> 00:14:12,041 Five minutes, please. 254 00:14:12,144 --> 00:14:15,875 When are we gonna have a few laughs? I'm getting bored. 255 00:14:15,981 --> 00:14:18,347 Getting bored? 256 00:14:18,450 --> 00:14:22,648 Oh, if only you weren't so incredibly lovely. 257 00:14:22,754 --> 00:14:25,655 Here we are... a one-room suite for the sweet. 258 00:14:25,757 --> 00:14:28,055 [Debbie] Wait a minute. What's that music? 259 00:14:28,160 --> 00:14:30,890 - Holiday for Strings. - Serenade for St... 260 00:14:33,331 --> 00:14:36,198 Who's here? Hello? 261 00:14:38,303 --> 00:14:41,033 - Hello. - Oh, Major. 262 00:14:41,139 --> 00:14:43,699 Don't you know about putting the clothes hanger on the door? 263 00:14:43,809 --> 00:14:45,743 We've been using that signal for years. 264 00:14:45,844 --> 00:14:48,608 Hey, what is this? We are here first. 265 00:14:48,714 --> 00:14:50,705 Just leaving, Klinger. 266 00:14:50,816 --> 00:14:53,182 No, no, no, Major. We can go somewhere else. 267 00:14:53,285 --> 00:14:56,777 - Yeah, the truck outside's good. - Come, my little lotus blossom. 268 00:14:56,888 --> 00:15:00,016 Wait a minute. You gonna let this monkey push you around? 269 00:15:00,125 --> 00:15:03,424 - Pull rank on him. - Let's go. [Murmurs] 270 00:15:03,528 --> 00:15:06,326 Nice meeting you, Miss Lotus Blossom. 271 00:15:06,431 --> 00:15:09,161 By the way, Klinger, Sooni just loves the dress. 272 00:15:09,267 --> 00:15:11,235 I do not. 273 00:15:16,908 --> 00:15:19,172 How's it sound, Doc? 274 00:15:19,277 --> 00:15:21,177 - Doc? - Huh? 275 00:15:21,279 --> 00:15:23,179 Oh, your heart sounds great. 276 00:15:23,281 --> 00:15:25,909 Add a clarinet and a bass, you could, uh, play bar mitzvahs. 277 00:15:26,017 --> 00:15:29,384 - Something eating you? - No, I'm fine. 278 00:15:31,490 --> 00:15:33,856 Really, I'm okay. 279 00:15:33,959 --> 00:15:35,950 It's something between my bunkmate and me. 280 00:15:36,061 --> 00:15:37,756 That stinker. 281 00:15:37,863 --> 00:15:40,889 Boy, you can live right next to a guy and still not know him. 282 00:15:40,999 --> 00:15:44,799 He's the most compulsive person I ever met, and he doesn't like the way I brush my teeth. 283 00:15:44,903 --> 00:15:47,463 - Hey, Doc. - What? 284 00:15:48,406 --> 00:15:50,874 Oh. Sorry. 285 00:15:50,976 --> 00:15:52,944 [Air Hissing] 286 00:15:56,181 --> 00:15:58,547 Your pressure's fine. Maybe you should check mine. 287 00:15:58,650 --> 00:16:01,551 - Maybe you should get a little rest. - Thanks, Doc. 288 00:16:05,557 --> 00:16:08,492 Hey, uh, Able. Is Radar back from R & Ryet? 289 00:16:08,593 --> 00:16:11,824 - Not till Thursday. - All right, if you need me, I'll be living in his office. 290 00:16:11,930 --> 00:16:14,524 Aw, Hawkeye, why don't you just go back to the Swamp? 291 00:16:14,633 --> 00:16:16,760 Too crowded. 292 00:16:16,868 --> 00:16:20,770 You know, it's just like in the movies. 293 00:16:22,174 --> 00:16:25,632 Two star-crossed lovers alone at night. 294 00:16:25,744 --> 00:16:28,975 A shimmering moon, a gentle breeze... 295 00:16:29,080 --> 00:16:31,947 The pungent aroma of a cheap cigar. 296 00:16:32,050 --> 00:16:34,518 Oh. I'm sorry. 297 00:16:35,787 --> 00:16:38,312 Debbie. My Debbie. 298 00:16:39,424 --> 00:16:41,392 It's a miracle. 299 00:16:41,493 --> 00:16:43,927 For the past 24 hours, I've been happy. 300 00:16:44,029 --> 00:16:47,465 Deliriously happy. And here. 301 00:16:47,566 --> 00:16:50,592 Before yesterday, I was just another guy in a dress... 302 00:16:50,702 --> 00:16:54,433 and now I'm Prince Charming and John Agar all rolled into one. 303 00:16:55,574 --> 00:16:57,542 Oh. 304 00:17:01,279 --> 00:17:03,679 I'd like to have those lips on a little charm bracelet. 305 00:17:03,782 --> 00:17:05,841 Oh, Max. 306 00:17:05,951 --> 00:17:08,010 You say the strangest things. 307 00:17:08,119 --> 00:17:11,213 Whenever I look at you, one thought keeps racing through my mind. 308 00:17:11,323 --> 00:17:13,553 - Good. - Toledo. 309 00:17:13,658 --> 00:17:17,617 - Huh? - Yeah. Toledo, Ohio. 310 00:17:17,729 --> 00:17:20,323 I'm gonna make it back there. I know that now. 311 00:17:20,432 --> 00:17:24,698 Debbie, I got a lot of plans. I'm gonna take my G.I. Bill and learn a trade. 312 00:17:24,803 --> 00:17:28,500 And if that doesn't work, my Uncle Ahmed can always buy me a job at city hall. 313 00:17:28,607 --> 00:17:30,973 - And then you know what I'm gonna do? - What? 314 00:17:31,076 --> 00:17:34,534 I'm gonna buy the house where I was born and live there the rest of my life. 315 00:17:34,646 --> 00:17:36,978 Sounds swell, Max. 316 00:17:37,082 --> 00:17:40,176 1215 Michigan Street. That'll be our address. 317 00:17:40,285 --> 00:17:44,244 - I beg your pardon? - Just Debbie and me and baby makes three. 318 00:17:44,356 --> 00:17:46,256 Oh, whoa. No. 319 00:17:46,358 --> 00:17:49,327 Oh, wrong song, Max. You're jumpin' the gun here. 320 00:17:49,427 --> 00:17:51,588 I mean, it's... it's fun being with you. 321 00:17:51,696 --> 00:17:54,631 No... You're a real kick... 322 00:17:54,733 --> 00:17:57,861 but, uh, I'm not interested in a lifetime. 323 00:17:57,969 --> 00:18:01,063 I don't understand. I thought we had something here. 324 00:18:01,172 --> 00:18:04,903 - We do. We have now. - That's it? 325 00:18:05,010 --> 00:18:07,376 That's an awful lot in a place like this. 326 00:18:07,479 --> 00:18:10,073 - But I thought... - Max... 327 00:18:10,181 --> 00:18:13,082 little blue heavens and picket fences may be your dreams... 328 00:18:13,184 --> 00:18:15,118 but it's not mine. 329 00:18:15,220 --> 00:18:17,654 Oh. 330 00:18:17,756 --> 00:18:20,020 I get it. 331 00:18:20,125 --> 00:18:23,788 We were having such a good time, I didn't know it was just a good time. 332 00:18:25,263 --> 00:18:27,493 Well, it still can be. 333 00:18:29,334 --> 00:18:31,268 Nah. 334 00:18:31,369 --> 00:18:33,303 I'm not that kind of a guy. 335 00:18:33,405 --> 00:18:35,930 - [Chattering] - "She walks in beauty... 336 00:18:36,041 --> 00:18:39,943 "like the night of cloudless climes and starry skies; 337 00:18:40,045 --> 00:18:42,536 "and all that's best of dark and bright... 338 00:18:42,647 --> 00:18:46,447 meet in her aspect and her eyes." 339 00:18:47,886 --> 00:18:50,787 Well, my dear, what do you think of it? 340 00:18:50,889 --> 00:18:53,619 The meat is stale, and the bun is burned. 341 00:18:53,725 --> 00:18:55,716 Boy, that Rosie get away with murder. 342 00:18:55,827 --> 00:18:59,490 The poem. I was talking about the poem. 343 00:18:59,597 --> 00:19:01,963 Talk, talk. All talk. 344 00:19:02,067 --> 00:19:04,001 I want some action. 345 00:19:04,102 --> 00:19:06,366 I have so much to give. 346 00:19:06,471 --> 00:19:08,939 Why can't you just pay attention? 347 00:19:09,040 --> 00:19:12,771 What you got to give I can get from a sleeping pill. 348 00:19:12,877 --> 00:19:17,371 Sooni, if we're going to be together... 349 00:19:17,482 --> 00:19:20,315 you've got to do some things that I like to do. 350 00:19:20,418 --> 00:19:23,945 - Now, one more poem. - Forget it, skinhead. 351 00:19:25,557 --> 00:19:28,856 - I insist. - You insist nothing. 352 00:19:28,960 --> 00:19:32,054 I've had it with you. You are too weird. 353 00:19:32,163 --> 00:19:35,894 - Now, Sooni... - I'm not gonna do any more of the crazy things with you. 354 00:19:36,001 --> 00:19:39,334 Will you lower your voice, please? 355 00:19:39,437 --> 00:19:42,270 Why do you have to make me into some kind of high-class broad? 356 00:19:42,374 --> 00:19:46,333 I only wanted to enrich you, give you something special. 357 00:19:46,444 --> 00:19:49,777 What? Lousy music and poetry? 358 00:19:49,881 --> 00:19:52,543 Go rhyme yourself. I'm just a working girl. 359 00:19:52,650 --> 00:19:56,017 If I pull that stuff on some G.I., I'm out on my butt. 360 00:19:56,121 --> 00:19:59,215 Wait, Sooni, please stay. 361 00:19:59,324 --> 00:20:02,384 I'll... leave you alone. 362 00:20:02,494 --> 00:20:05,793 No, Charlie. I will leave you alone. 363 00:20:05,897 --> 00:20:07,865 S... 364 00:20:14,339 --> 00:20:17,934 - You better off. - Ah? Really? 365 00:20:18,043 --> 00:20:20,011 So is she. 366 00:20:20,145 --> 00:20:22,204 [Phone Ringing] 367 00:20:22,313 --> 00:20:24,747 [Groans] 368 00:20:27,652 --> 00:20:30,143 Hello. MASH 4-O-something-something... 369 00:20:30,255 --> 00:20:33,281 and you got a lot of nerve calling in the middle of the night. 370 00:20:34,426 --> 00:20:36,417 All right, all right. What's the story? 371 00:20:39,264 --> 00:20:41,164 Ah. 372 00:20:41,266 --> 00:20:43,530 Yeah. Uh-huh. 373 00:20:45,603 --> 00:20:47,571 What? Really? 374 00:20:48,940 --> 00:20:50,874 That's great. 375 00:20:50,975 --> 00:20:52,909 [Cackles] That's good. 376 00:20:53,011 --> 00:20:55,605 No, no, no. I'll do it. I'll do it. No problem. 377 00:20:55,713 --> 00:20:58,341 Hey, listen, thanks for calling. 378 00:20:58,450 --> 00:21:00,475 [Cackling] 379 00:21:01,719 --> 00:21:04,950 Hey, Beej, wake up! Hey, hey! Wake up! Beej! 380 00:21:05,056 --> 00:21:07,456 What? What? Oh, it's you. 381 00:21:07,559 --> 00:21:10,619 - Whatever you want, take it. It's yours. - I got news. Dateline: Taegu. 382 00:21:10,728 --> 00:21:13,162 Your kidney patient is off the machine, and he's responding. 383 00:21:13,264 --> 00:21:16,233 - You're kidding. You mean it? - I just got a call from Cohen, the specialist. 384 00:21:16,334 --> 00:21:19,701 He says it's too early to tell for sure, but he thinks he's gonna be okay. 385 00:21:19,804 --> 00:21:21,704 - Yeah? Yeah? - Yeah! Yeah! 386 00:21:21,806 --> 00:21:23,706 Oh! We did it! We did it! 387 00:21:23,808 --> 00:21:26,106 - I knew it! He's gonna make it! - You see? 388 00:21:26,211 --> 00:21:28,873 - I told you.! You were worried. - Oh, Hawkeye! 389 00:21:28,980 --> 00:21:32,438 - Am I the greatest surgeon in Korea? - In the world! 390 00:21:32,550 --> 00:21:34,780 Ohh, Hawk! He made it! 391 00:21:34,886 --> 00:21:37,047 - Yeah, I heard. [Laughing] - [Laughing] 392 00:21:37,155 --> 00:21:39,055 Oh. 393 00:21:39,157 --> 00:21:42,649 Hey, this doesn't seem right for two guys who hate each other as much as we do. 394 00:21:42,760 --> 00:21:46,218 You might as well move back in. Especially since we'll be celebrating for a month. 395 00:21:46,331 --> 00:21:48,492 A month? Oh, no. Oh, no. 396 00:21:48,600 --> 00:21:51,797 No. No, I think your walking on the furniture's liable to drive me nuts. 397 00:21:51,903 --> 00:21:53,962 I can't help it. It's one of my problems. 398 00:21:54,072 --> 00:21:56,006 - Hey. - [Laughing] 399 00:21:56,107 --> 00:21:58,041 - Congratulations. - Come on. I can't stand you sober. 400 00:21:58,143 --> 00:22:00,077 Oh, darling. I missed you too. 401 00:22:00,178 --> 00:22:03,511 Gentlemen, may I have your attention please? 402 00:22:03,615 --> 00:22:06,413 - I am home early. Why is none of your business. - [Glasses Clinking] 403 00:22:06,518 --> 00:22:10,045 So, before you ask, don't. Gee, I've enjoyed our little chat. 404 00:22:10,155 --> 00:22:13,090 - Good night. - [BJ.] She threw you over, huh? 405 00:22:13,191 --> 00:22:15,921 Over and out. 406 00:22:16,027 --> 00:22:20,862 This evening, I learned, much to my chagrin, that Sooni is nothing more than a... 407 00:22:20,965 --> 00:22:22,933 a camp follower. 408 00:22:23,034 --> 00:22:25,764 Well, don't be hasty, Charles. Fifth impressions can deceive you. 409 00:22:25,870 --> 00:22:27,963 I was only deceiving myself. 410 00:22:29,174 --> 00:22:32,143 How could I have been so blind and stupid? 411 00:22:32,243 --> 00:22:34,177 - And human. - Touché. 412 00:22:34,279 --> 00:22:37,009 Charles, you needed somebody. We all do occasionally. 413 00:22:37,115 --> 00:22:39,583 - It wasn't such a big mistake. - Come on, Charles. 414 00:22:39,684 --> 00:22:41,618 Join the rest of us fools. 415 00:22:42,887 --> 00:22:46,288 "It is better to have loved and lost... 416 00:22:46,391 --> 00:22:49,758 than never to have..." Oh, give me a drink. 417 00:22:52,397 --> 00:22:54,365 Heyo. 418 00:22:57,802 --> 00:23:03,502 [Singing Drunkenly] 419 00:23:11,015 --> 00:23:13,813 There ought to be a cover in here, and he ought to be under it. 420 00:23:13,918 --> 00:23:17,081 - It's a good thing we're numb already. - Oh, what a beating. 421 00:23:17,188 --> 00:23:19,122 - [Chuckles] - Rosie. 422 00:23:19,224 --> 00:23:22,625 - [Singing Continues] - A beating? 423 00:23:22,727 --> 00:23:24,957 - Yeah. - I think it's beautiful. 424 00:23:25,063 --> 00:23:27,429 - [Scoffs] - I do. 425 00:23:27,532 --> 00:23:31,024 [Singing Continues] 426 00:23:31,135 --> 00:23:33,626 Gentlemen, excuse me. 427 00:23:33,738 --> 00:23:36,206 Don't go yet, Charles. It'll be over soon. 428 00:23:41,212 --> 00:23:44,943 [Singing]