1 00:00:54,447 --> 00:00:57,416 I bid one club. Did you hear that, Pierce? 2 00:00:57,516 --> 00:00:59,450 I know what that means. You wanna know what I got. 3 00:00:59,552 --> 00:01:01,577 - Pierce. - Reading from left to right, I have... 4 00:01:01,687 --> 00:01:05,646 - Winchester, get a deck and start warming up. - I can play from here. 5 00:01:05,758 --> 00:01:11,162 - Your bid, Mr. Pak. - One club to me. I bid one no-trump. 6 00:01:11,264 --> 00:01:13,164 [Speaking Korean, Chuckles] 7 00:01:13,266 --> 00:01:16,326 - Well, you got 'em on the run now, Pierce. - Your bid, swifty. 8 00:01:16,435 --> 00:01:19,233 I'm reminded of a story. You've probably heard it. 9 00:01:19,338 --> 00:01:24,503 The king and queen of this country were playing golf with five clubs. 10 00:01:24,610 --> 00:01:29,809 Their son, Jack, remarked how strange it was that they only had two hearts between them. 11 00:01:29,916 --> 00:01:33,249 And just then, his sister, Little Deucey, and her dog, Trey... 12 00:01:33,352 --> 00:01:37,311 started singing... [Show Tune] 13 00:01:37,423 --> 00:01:41,223 Whereupon the whole family beat her to death and buried her with two spades. 14 00:01:41,327 --> 00:01:43,818 - Did you get it? - Everybody did. 15 00:01:43,930 --> 00:01:47,889 - Well, I didn't. What do I bid? - [All] Two clubs. 16 00:01:48,000 --> 00:01:52,232 No prompting, please. I bid two clubs. 17 00:01:52,338 --> 00:01:55,307 [Man On p.A.] Attention all personnel. Ambulances on their way. 18 00:01:55,408 --> 00:01:58,206 Maintenance crews remove all drunks from the middle of the road. 19 00:01:58,311 --> 00:02:00,939 You guys are lucky. We had a grand slam going. 20 00:02:01,047 --> 00:02:03,845 - We got one coming. - Bridge night. It never fails. 21 00:02:03,950 --> 00:02:07,681 Until next week, gentlemen. Same time, different partners. 22 00:02:09,956 --> 00:02:14,416 - [Chattering] - Shrapnel in his thigh. Superficial. 23 00:02:14,527 --> 00:02:17,325 Doc, could you check on my friend Elverson over there? He's hit bad. 24 00:02:17,430 --> 00:02:19,898 Sure. We always take requests. 25 00:02:22,535 --> 00:02:27,063 Look at this. He could start his own scrapyard. I'll take him first. 26 00:02:27,173 --> 00:02:30,939 Unconscious. Pupils fixed and fairly dilated. 27 00:02:31,043 --> 00:02:32,943 - No sense wasting time on him. - Wait. What? 28 00:02:33,045 --> 00:02:35,673 Wait a second. Wait a minute. Let me see that. 29 00:02:38,551 --> 00:02:40,951 Charles, he shows some pupil reaction. 30 00:02:41,053 --> 00:02:45,183 Could be a subdural hematoma. It's worth putting in a bur hole. 31 00:02:45,291 --> 00:02:47,759 I'll take him first. Put him ahead of him. 32 00:02:47,860 --> 00:02:52,820 Pierce, you can drill until you hit oil. 33 00:02:52,932 --> 00:02:55,298 - It will do no good. - Thanks for the encouragement. 34 00:02:55,401 --> 00:02:58,529 - O.R. And step on it. - How dare you contradict me! 35 00:02:58,637 --> 00:03:00,764 Hey, hold it. He's a Commie. That's North Korean. 36 00:03:00,873 --> 00:03:03,034 - What's he doing ahead of my buddy? - Dying. 37 00:03:03,142 --> 00:03:07,602 That... person has no right to go into O.R. First, particularly ahead of one of ours. 38 00:03:07,713 --> 00:03:10,273 Charles, when they come in here, the uniforms come off. 39 00:03:10,383 --> 00:03:12,408 We can save him if we get him in there right now. 40 00:03:12,518 --> 00:03:15,783 What's going on here? That gook tried to kill us, and now you're gonna save him? 41 00:03:15,888 --> 00:03:17,879 Yeah, the whole thing's ridiculous, isn't it? 42 00:03:17,990 --> 00:03:19,890 [O.R. Chatter] 43 00:03:19,992 --> 00:03:22,961 Wipe. Keep that suction up. 44 00:03:24,997 --> 00:03:26,862 Somebody fix this damn light so I can see. 45 00:03:26,966 --> 00:03:30,925 Is it possible, Pierce, that your two-hour detour into North Korea... 46 00:03:31,037 --> 00:03:33,631 has vitiated your efficiency with other patients? 47 00:03:33,739 --> 00:03:36,867 - Quiet, Winchester. - Shoehorn a little tight, Achilles? 48 00:03:36,976 --> 00:03:39,968 I don't usually take sides, but quiet, Winchester. 49 00:03:40,079 --> 00:03:42,377 Lucky you. You'll be at Captain Hunnicutt's table. 50 00:03:42,481 --> 00:03:45,450 Steady nerves. Great hands. And best of all, he's a surgeon. 51 00:03:45,551 --> 00:03:48,987 - Anybody but that Commie lover. - Paging Dr. Pierce. 52 00:03:49,088 --> 00:03:52,251 Good to see you again, comrade. 53 00:03:52,358 --> 00:03:54,986 - Not letting him work on our boys, are you? - Put him under, Margaret. 54 00:03:55,094 --> 00:03:57,187 Okay. Just close your eyes and breathe deep. 55 00:03:57,296 --> 00:04:01,062 - Hey. My buddy better not die on account of you. - Keep that thing over him. 56 00:04:01,167 --> 00:04:03,328 I'm trying to, Doctor, but he's got an awfully big mouth. 57 00:04:03,436 --> 00:04:05,904 You guys are so high and mighty. You sit back here. 58 00:04:06,005 --> 00:04:08,838 - You're playing God. You don't care. - Somebody shut him up. 59 00:04:08,941 --> 00:04:12,934 Yeah, shut me up. Go ahead. So I won't tell anybody how you save your gook friends! 60 00:04:13,045 --> 00:04:15,775 - Hold that. Hey! - Pierce! 61 00:04:15,881 --> 00:04:17,781 I don't have to take that kind of garbage. 62 00:04:17,883 --> 00:04:19,976 Now shut your mouth before I come over and clamp it shut! 63 00:04:20,086 --> 00:04:21,747 Pierce, get back there. 64 00:04:21,854 --> 00:04:24,789 Put him under already. Hawk, what's the matter with you? Get back in your corner. 65 00:04:24,890 --> 00:04:26,755 Pierce, there goes your Good Conduct Medal. 66 00:04:31,964 --> 00:04:33,932 Aw, pony pucks. 67 00:04:34,033 --> 00:04:37,002 Don't you knock when you enter a room? 68 00:04:37,103 --> 00:04:40,368 - Flagg, how did you get in here? - That's classified. 69 00:04:40,473 --> 00:04:42,771 - Radar! - Yes, sir? 70 00:04:42,875 --> 00:04:46,504 - Hey! I was just sitting... How did you get in here? - Not from above. 71 00:04:46,612 --> 00:04:50,241 Let's talk about your camp, Potter. 72 00:04:50,349 --> 00:04:52,840 And don't play dumb. You're not as good at it as I am. 73 00:04:52,952 --> 00:04:55,477 What is it this time, Flagg? Fluoride in the soup? 74 00:04:55,588 --> 00:04:59,046 - I think I'd better leave. - Freeze, Mr. Vatican. Nobody goes till I do and I never do. 75 00:05:00,826 --> 00:05:05,525 You've got a wounded North Korean officer here, and you failed to report it. 76 00:05:05,631 --> 00:05:09,692 - Oh, no, no. We did report it. - You mean I worked over my informant for the fun of it? 77 00:05:09,802 --> 00:05:13,169 - Oh, my Lord! - Good cover, but who are you? 78 00:05:13,272 --> 00:05:16,036 Never mind. I'll get to you in a minute. You... get out. 79 00:05:16,142 --> 00:05:19,839 - Thank you, sir. - I understand your Captain Pierce... 80 00:05:19,945 --> 00:05:23,244 - saved that pinko's miserable skin. - Not to mention his life. 81 00:05:23,349 --> 00:05:26,876 And that was his big mistake. Now I wanna question both of them. 82 00:05:26,986 --> 00:05:31,116 Flagg, you don't go near anyone without my permission. 83 00:05:31,223 --> 00:05:35,523 - What's this? - Your permission. 84 00:05:35,628 --> 00:05:39,758 - Right. - I'll be around. So will you. 85 00:05:41,634 --> 00:05:44,603 Quick, who sang "Toora, Loora, Loora" in Going My Way? 86 00:05:44,703 --> 00:05:47,672 - Uh, Bing and Barry. - Okay. 87 00:05:47,773 --> 00:05:50,571 You're clear... for now. 88 00:05:53,779 --> 00:05:56,748 Well, that's counterintelligence if I ever saw it. 89 00:05:59,418 --> 00:06:01,386 How's that patient I almost put in the hospital? 90 00:06:01,487 --> 00:06:04,945 - Fine. You can't talk to him. - I won't even raise my voice. 91 00:06:05,057 --> 00:06:08,515 I know. You want to apologize for yelling at him, for being unprofessional. 92 00:06:08,627 --> 00:06:12,427 - It'll just cause trouble. - You have a lot of faith in me, don't you? 93 00:06:12,531 --> 00:06:15,193 Better let me tell him for you. My thermostat's set lower than yours. 94 00:06:15,301 --> 00:06:18,930 - In other words, I can't handle myself? - I thought I just said that. 95 00:06:19,038 --> 00:06:22,496 - Must be wonderful being as perfect as you. - I didn't say that. 96 00:06:22,608 --> 00:06:25,543 I just mean it wasn't necessary for you to have blown up at him the way you did. 97 00:06:25,644 --> 00:06:27,976 Sure. You would've gone over and thanked him for the kind words. 98 00:06:28,080 --> 00:06:30,378 You want me to apologize for being more rational than you are? 99 00:06:30,482 --> 00:06:34,578 [Long Exhale] Excuse me. I feel a tantrum coming on. 100 00:06:37,289 --> 00:06:39,257 - Pierce. - [Gasps] 101 00:06:39,358 --> 00:06:41,656 I'm gonna give you a chance. Why did you do it? 102 00:06:41,760 --> 00:06:44,058 - Oh, I don't know. Why does anybody do it? - Now you've done it. 103 00:06:44,163 --> 00:06:47,132 Well, you'll have to clean it up. I'm in a hurry. 104 00:06:47,233 --> 00:06:52,364 I've got you dead to rights, Ivan. You saved that Commie crumb-bum. Why? 105 00:06:52,471 --> 00:06:56,271 - Well, it was something to do. Besides, he was dying. - I'm on to you, Pierce. 106 00:06:56,375 --> 00:07:00,334 Now you took a yellow Red before a white American, which is pretty pinko. 107 00:07:00,446 --> 00:07:03,415 - You're even boring in technicolor. - You're a Communist dupe. 108 00:07:03,515 --> 00:07:06,882 I've waited a long time for this. You're mine. Your butt is in my sling. 109 00:07:06,986 --> 00:07:08,954 All right. Take me, I'm yours. 110 00:07:09,054 --> 00:07:11,522 I knew it. You're one of those too. 111 00:07:11,624 --> 00:07:15,082 When I dig up the proof, real or otherwise, that you're the traitor I know you are... 112 00:07:15,194 --> 00:07:17,321 then I'll know it and you'll know it too. 113 00:07:17,429 --> 00:07:20,660 It was nice talking to you again. 114 00:07:20,766 --> 00:07:23,394 What is this? It looks like quicksand. 115 00:07:23,502 --> 00:07:26,960 It is. A fly just walked on it and sank. 116 00:07:27,072 --> 00:07:30,041 - I threw it a noodle, but it was too late. - Gentlemen. 117 00:07:30,142 --> 00:07:33,771 - May I join you? - You can't charm your way back into my heart, Charles. 118 00:07:33,879 --> 00:07:35,813 - Have a seat. - Always the peacemaker. 119 00:07:35,914 --> 00:07:37,882 Pierce, I see no point in holding a grudge. 120 00:07:37,983 --> 00:07:41,282 As chief surgeon you did what you felt was best. 121 00:07:41,387 --> 00:07:45,847 - I can appreciate your motives. - Well, thank you, Charles. For that, I'll give you my food. 122 00:07:45,958 --> 00:07:49,018 If he'll swallow his pride, he'll swallow anything. 123 00:07:49,128 --> 00:07:53,258 You know, you probably were right to take the North Korean over the American. 124 00:07:53,365 --> 00:07:56,823 If the North Korean had died, you would merely have been a fool. 125 00:07:56,935 --> 00:07:59,563 If the American had died, you would have been a scoundrel. 126 00:07:59,672 --> 00:08:01,902 Since they both lived, you are the lucky stiff. 127 00:08:02,007 --> 00:08:04,407 - Up, Charles. - Mm? 128 00:08:04,510 --> 00:08:07,968 Get up. Up, over and out. 129 00:08:08,080 --> 00:08:11,982 I have had a long, miserable day and the last thing I need is your Boston bull. 130 00:08:12,084 --> 00:08:15,178 - So beat it! - And this is how you accept an apology? 131 00:08:15,287 --> 00:08:17,983 Out! Out! 132 00:08:18,090 --> 00:08:21,218 Wanna go over and make up with that guy in post-op now? 133 00:08:25,097 --> 00:08:27,565 [Flagg] Major? 134 00:08:27,666 --> 00:08:29,964 Major. 135 00:08:31,236 --> 00:08:34,797 Not funny, whoever you are. 136 00:08:34,907 --> 00:08:38,206 Whoever I am is me, Colonel Flagg. 137 00:08:38,310 --> 00:08:40,210 Hello. Good-bye. 138 00:08:40,312 --> 00:08:42,780 Hold it, Major. Don't make me make you listen to this. 139 00:08:42,881 --> 00:08:47,841 - Aren't you the tyrant. - I've got a proposition. 140 00:08:52,391 --> 00:08:55,519 Pierce is hiding something. 141 00:08:55,627 --> 00:08:58,095 Find out what it is, and name your price. 142 00:08:58,197 --> 00:09:03,658 One, you cannot afford my price, and two, what are you talking about? 143 00:09:03,769 --> 00:09:05,760 Don't kid with me. I have no sense of humor. 144 00:09:05,871 --> 00:09:07,998 You could've fooled me. 145 00:09:08,107 --> 00:09:11,736 Pierce is the rottenest apple in this sleazy barrel. 146 00:09:11,844 --> 00:09:13,744 I've always thought he was a Communist sympathizer... 147 00:09:13,846 --> 00:09:17,475 and this business with the North Korean proves that he's a Comm-symp or worse. 148 00:09:19,318 --> 00:09:22,617 Problem is I don't have the proof. 149 00:09:22,721 --> 00:09:25,019 You're his bunky, get it. 150 00:09:25,124 --> 00:09:28,093 For a man with no sense of humor, you are awfully funny. 151 00:09:29,595 --> 00:09:33,725 Do you believe that I can break your leg with this finger? 152 00:09:33,832 --> 00:09:36,460 Strangely enough, l-l-I do. 153 00:09:36,568 --> 00:09:38,866 Bright boy. 154 00:09:38,971 --> 00:09:43,601 Uh, Colonel, the very notion of Pierce being a spy... 155 00:09:43,709 --> 00:09:47,839 let alone a sympathizer, is absurd. 156 00:09:47,946 --> 00:09:51,347 Pierce has a big mouth; he's always butting into other people's business... 157 00:09:51,450 --> 00:09:54,248 but that makes him obnoxious, not a spy. 158 00:09:54,353 --> 00:09:56,821 Doesn't wash. I'm obnoxious and I'm a spy. 159 00:09:56,922 --> 00:09:59,550 - Touché. - Someone's coming. See who it is. 160 00:10:04,029 --> 00:10:08,659 Just a couple of nurses. They appear to be American. Shall we... tail them? 161 00:10:10,269 --> 00:10:13,727 Colonel? Col... Colonel? 162 00:10:15,941 --> 00:10:18,239 Shh. 163 00:10:18,343 --> 00:10:21,574 Of course... 164 00:10:21,680 --> 00:10:24,148 you are undercover. 165 00:10:24,249 --> 00:10:29,016 I've checked up on you. Fact: You want out of Korea. 166 00:10:29,121 --> 00:10:31,021 Fact: Everybody does. 167 00:10:31,123 --> 00:10:32,988 Cooperate with me and I'll get you out. 168 00:10:33,091 --> 00:10:35,992 Thank you, Tin Man. I'll get to Tokyo on my own. 169 00:10:36,094 --> 00:10:39,495 - I meant to Boston. - Mass... Massachusetts? 170 00:10:39,598 --> 00:10:44,058 Ft. Devens, 9:00 to 5:00. Make that 4:30. 171 00:10:44,169 --> 00:10:46,069 And then it's home every evening to Wellesley... 172 00:10:46,171 --> 00:10:50,164 where you still live with your mom and dad and your sister Honorrhea. 173 00:10:50,275 --> 00:10:53,972 - That's Honoria, and how did you know... - It's my business. 174 00:10:54,079 --> 00:10:57,537 - In or out? - Boston. 175 00:10:57,649 --> 00:11:01,415 Well, I guarantee you that Pierce is no spy... 176 00:11:01,520 --> 00:11:06,150 but if all you want are a couple of his innocent letters... why not? 177 00:11:06,258 --> 00:11:10,217 Winchester, you're a real American... so far. 178 00:11:10,329 --> 00:11:14,459 It's a pleasure doing business with you. 179 00:11:14,566 --> 00:11:18,525 I'm going to talk to Colonel Potter now about getting you better quarters. 180 00:11:21,073 --> 00:11:23,041 [Man] See you later. 181 00:11:43,929 --> 00:11:45,829 What is that? 182 00:11:49,001 --> 00:11:50,969 Pierce. 183 00:11:52,571 --> 00:11:54,869 How do people... 184 00:11:58,277 --> 00:12:00,245 Eureka! 185 00:12:08,720 --> 00:12:11,245 "Dearest Hawkeye, That idyllic weekend in Bangor"... 186 00:12:11,356 --> 00:12:13,654 [Chuckles] "Cozy fireplace, fur rug... 187 00:12:13,759 --> 00:12:17,388 warm hands, warm bodies drawing ever closer..." 188 00:12:17,496 --> 00:12:19,396 - Charles. - Pierce. 189 00:12:19,498 --> 00:12:21,966 - Pierce! [Nervous Chuckle] - A love letter? 190 00:12:22,067 --> 00:12:24,695 This? No, it's just financial stuff. 191 00:12:24,803 --> 00:12:28,933 Right. A love letter. Testing, one, two, three. Testing. 192 00:12:29,041 --> 00:12:30,941 Calling all cars. Come in, Dick Tracy. 193 00:12:31,043 --> 00:12:34,342 Don't do that for my benefit, Pierce. I'm already convinced that you are mad. 194 00:12:34,446 --> 00:12:36,573 Not mad, justifiably paranoid. 195 00:12:36,682 --> 00:12:38,980 It's called the "Flagg Syndrome." 196 00:12:39,084 --> 00:12:42,053 Whenever that guy shows up around here, I start looking for hidden microphones. 197 00:12:42,154 --> 00:12:44,782 Aren't you exaggerating just a wee bit? 198 00:12:44,890 --> 00:12:47,450 He may be a mite overzealous, but he's no Mata Hari. 199 00:12:47,559 --> 00:12:50,289 That guy would turn in his own mother for passing along a recipe. 200 00:12:50,395 --> 00:12:53,956 - Don't like the fella, do you? - I've never been too fond of a guy who would bring you... 201 00:12:54,066 --> 00:12:57,900 a wounded prisoner and beg you to fix him up, so he could take him out and shoot him. 202 00:12:58,003 --> 00:13:02,133 - That bad, hmm? - I don't see anything here. 203 00:13:02,240 --> 00:13:05,539 I think I'll go sing Carmenin the latrine. The echo will kill him. 204 00:13:05,644 --> 00:13:07,771 [Laughs] 205 00:13:10,816 --> 00:13:12,875 Hey, Doc, can I talk to you? 206 00:13:12,985 --> 00:13:15,453 I wouldn't be surprised. From what I hear, I'm really a terrific guy. 207 00:13:15,554 --> 00:13:20,355 Hey, listen, when I'm evac-ed tomorrow, I want you to fix it so my buddy goes with me. 208 00:13:20,459 --> 00:13:23,758 Basgall, I can fix anything from flat tires to poodles. But that's out of my hands. 209 00:13:23,862 --> 00:13:27,161 - He's Hawkeye Pierce's patient. - That's what I'm worried about. See... 210 00:13:27,265 --> 00:13:30,257 I want him taken care of by someone who's gonna take care of him. 211 00:13:30,369 --> 00:13:32,997 Look, whether you like it or not, Pierce saved your friend's life. 212 00:13:33,105 --> 00:13:36,541 Oh, sure... when he got around to it. Thanks to my pushing him. 213 00:13:36,642 --> 00:13:38,542 [Exhales] Basgall, listen to me. 214 00:13:38,644 --> 00:13:41,772 Captain Pierce is just about the best surgeon we've got in this place. 215 00:13:41,880 --> 00:13:45,839 What he says is right for Elverson is right. You're going to have to believe that. 216 00:13:45,951 --> 00:13:48,852 You guys all stick together, don't ya? 217 00:13:55,460 --> 00:13:59,760 - Lights out, soldier. - Hey, wait a minute. That's my line. 218 00:13:59,865 --> 00:14:02,834 Don't you know these things are bad for you? 219 00:14:02,934 --> 00:14:05,232 Oh, that poor cigar. 220 00:14:19,017 --> 00:14:20,917 Winchester, you're 12 seconds late. 221 00:14:21,019 --> 00:14:23,817 Oh, Colonel Flagg. Sorry, didn't recognize you without your garbage can. 222 00:14:23,922 --> 00:14:26,220 - Don't you have a dark one for evening? - Did you bring me something? 223 00:14:26,324 --> 00:14:28,224 Yes, I did. My resignation. 224 00:14:28,326 --> 00:14:31,295 I will criticize Pierce. I will ridicule him. I will even humiliate him... 225 00:14:31,396 --> 00:14:34,365 - but I will not spy on him. - You won't do it? 226 00:14:34,466 --> 00:14:36,400 - Gad, what intuition. - Then he's your friend? 227 00:14:36,501 --> 00:14:40,301 Friend? I have no friends in Asia. Only in Newport. 228 00:14:40,405 --> 00:14:42,100 A few in Martha's Vineyard. 229 00:14:42,207 --> 00:14:45,335 Winchester, you don't seem to recognize the gravity of this situation. 230 00:14:45,444 --> 00:14:48,413 At this point, if Pierce is tried and you haven't proven noncomplicity with him... 231 00:14:48,513 --> 00:14:51,004 by complying with me, you'll be tried for complicity with him. 232 00:14:51,116 --> 00:14:53,914 - You wouldn't dare. - You'll just disappear. 233 00:14:54,019 --> 00:14:57,819 Ten years from now, Mummy will be sitting in Newport trying to remember who you were. 234 00:14:57,923 --> 00:15:00,084 No more Boston. No more chowder. No more Red Sox. 235 00:15:00,192 --> 00:15:03,821 - Who cares about the Red Sox? - No more money. 236 00:15:03,929 --> 00:15:07,387 - I believe you'd do it. - For laughs. 237 00:15:07,499 --> 00:15:12,300 All right. I'll try and find you something, and I hope you choke on it. 238 00:15:12,404 --> 00:15:16,670 You're a real weasel. I knew I could count on you. 239 00:15:17,976 --> 00:15:19,944 Come in. 240 00:15:21,613 --> 00:15:24,377 No, you don't understand, Basgall. We're supposed to make the rounds. 241 00:15:24,483 --> 00:15:26,951 I won't beat around the bush, Doc. 242 00:15:27,052 --> 00:15:31,682 Either Elverson is evac-ed with me tomorrow, or I put you away now. 243 00:15:31,790 --> 00:15:35,726 - You make your choice. - Um, I gotta warn you. 244 00:15:35,827 --> 00:15:37,795 I'm very bad at snap decisions. 245 00:15:37,896 --> 00:15:40,387 How about a third alternative? Your going back to bed leaps to mind. 246 00:15:40,499 --> 00:15:43,468 - I'm not kidding! - [Mutters] 247 00:15:43,568 --> 00:15:45,900 I don't want you around him. 248 00:15:46,004 --> 00:15:48,472 Look, I've talked to you doctor to patient. 249 00:15:48,573 --> 00:15:52,669 Now I'm going to ask you nicely, captain to corporal. Get back to post-op before we're both sorry. 250 00:15:52,778 --> 00:15:57,408 What do I have to do to convince you? 251 00:15:57,516 --> 00:16:02,715 You don't care about us. If you did, you would've taken him ahead of that North Korean. 252 00:16:02,821 --> 00:16:06,120 Now this time, we're gonna do it my way and quick! 253 00:16:06,224 --> 00:16:10,854 Basgall! What the hell do you think you're doing? I oughta break your neck! 254 00:16:10,962 --> 00:16:13,430 Beej, hold it! Hold it! 255 00:16:13,532 --> 00:16:16,831 - Basgall, I'm sorry. - I want out of here. 256 00:16:16,935 --> 00:16:20,894 - Here. Here, let me help you. - No! I'll make it by myself. 257 00:16:21,006 --> 00:16:24,464 - Hey, Goldman. Get him to post-op. - Yes, sir. 258 00:16:28,079 --> 00:16:30,707 [Blows Out Forcefully] 259 00:16:30,816 --> 00:16:33,944 Well. [Exhales Loudly] 260 00:16:34,052 --> 00:16:37,852 - I notice I don't practice what I preach. - Yeah, and thank you. 261 00:16:38,023 --> 00:16:41,925 Major, how's the North Korean doing? 262 00:16:42,027 --> 00:16:46,487 Well, his condition is stable, but I'm afraid he's still not out of danger. 263 00:16:46,598 --> 00:16:48,532 In other words, he could answer some questions? 264 00:16:48,633 --> 00:16:52,763 Colonel, much as I admire your work... 265 00:16:52,871 --> 00:16:54,771 I'm afraid I cannot let you bother him. 266 00:16:54,873 --> 00:16:57,398 Doctor, I don't need your permission. 267 00:16:57,509 --> 00:17:01,377 Sometime we must talk about your toilet training. 268 00:17:05,083 --> 00:17:09,452 Look at him. Resting comfortably in an American cot. 269 00:17:09,554 --> 00:17:11,317 By all rights, he should be dead. 270 00:17:11,423 --> 00:17:15,120 Well, we... [Short Chuckle] Can't lose them all. 271 00:17:19,164 --> 00:17:23,123 All right, Red Rover. Lie at attention. 272 00:17:24,169 --> 00:17:26,467 Start taking notes, four-eyes. 273 00:17:26,571 --> 00:17:29,870 We'll start with something simple. 274 00:17:29,975 --> 00:17:34,844 Name, troop number, infantry division and where they're located. 275 00:17:36,681 --> 00:17:38,649 I don't think he understands you, sir. 276 00:17:38,750 --> 00:17:40,809 He understands. They all do. 277 00:17:41,920 --> 00:17:44,718 All right, comrade. 278 00:17:44,823 --> 00:17:47,621 Here's the story. 279 00:17:47,726 --> 00:17:53,187 You give me what I need... I'll give you what you need. 280 00:17:53,298 --> 00:17:56,529 Hey! Now wait just a minute! 281 00:17:56,635 --> 00:17:58,603 Hey, listen, I don't care who you are. 282 00:17:58,703 --> 00:18:01,001 You can't... You can't come in here threatening someone's blood. 283 00:18:01,106 --> 00:18:05,065 - Who's gonna stop me? - Well, uh, some-somebody. 284 00:18:05,176 --> 00:18:09,135 Why don't you just shoo, Corporal? I'll handle this. 285 00:18:09,247 --> 00:18:11,545 Yes, sir. Boy! 286 00:18:11,650 --> 00:18:17,350 We would all appreciate it, Colonel, if you just stuck to thumbscrews. 287 00:18:18,757 --> 00:18:21,726 Hello. What have we here? 288 00:18:21,826 --> 00:18:24,795 That's for me... whatever it is. 289 00:18:24,896 --> 00:18:29,196 Perhaps it's a note from his superiors excusing him from further questioning. 290 00:18:29,301 --> 00:18:32,099 It's a diagram of a camp. 291 00:18:32,203 --> 00:18:34,330 Looks like this camp. 292 00:18:34,439 --> 00:18:37,067 Looks like this camp. 293 00:18:37,175 --> 00:18:41,043 There's a circle around my quarters. 294 00:18:41,146 --> 00:18:43,080 Pierce's quarters. 295 00:18:43,181 --> 00:18:46,639 Ah-so. A little rendezvous. 296 00:18:46,751 --> 00:18:48,719 What's this at the bottom? 297 00:18:48,820 --> 00:18:51,789 A circle with two arrows in it. 298 00:18:53,625 --> 00:18:55,923 A... clock. 299 00:18:56,027 --> 00:18:58,154 A clock. 300 00:19:00,098 --> 00:19:02,066 10:00. 301 00:19:04,135 --> 00:19:06,603 10:00. 302 00:19:06,705 --> 00:19:11,005 Yes, I think I can fit that into my schedule. 303 00:19:11,109 --> 00:19:13,009 Not a word about this, you understand? 304 00:19:13,111 --> 00:19:16,410 Who, me? I work for you, remember? 305 00:19:21,386 --> 00:19:24,355 Talk about your nerve. He's even setting out refreshments. 306 00:19:24,456 --> 00:19:26,686 Probably every stinking spy in the area will be here. 307 00:19:26,791 --> 00:19:29,089 Is that the guy we nab? 308 00:19:29,194 --> 00:19:31,662 You just arrest everybody who goes in that tent... 309 00:19:32,731 --> 00:19:34,631 except us. 310 00:19:36,034 --> 00:19:38,798 [Whistling] Hello there. 311 00:19:38,903 --> 00:19:42,361 - Get down. - Hmm? 312 00:19:42,474 --> 00:19:47,070 Oh, I see. You're staking out. Ha-ha-ha. 313 00:19:47,178 --> 00:19:49,976 What fun! [Laughs] 314 00:19:50,081 --> 00:19:51,946 - Winchester, there's no room. - Yes, there is. 315 00:19:52,050 --> 00:19:54,177 - Let me tuck around here. - Be careful. 316 00:19:59,224 --> 00:20:02,318 [Flagg] The guests of dishonor. Ever seen them before? 317 00:20:02,427 --> 00:20:05,225 Yes, come to think of it, I have. A number of times. 318 00:20:05,330 --> 00:20:07,264 - You know their names? - [Jeep Drives Away] 319 00:20:07,365 --> 00:20:09,993 No, we've never been formally introduced. 320 00:20:10,101 --> 00:20:12,262 Why don't we call them Mr. "X" and Mr. "Y"? 321 00:20:12,370 --> 00:20:16,773 - [Flagg] It doesn't matter. They won't need names for long. - They're sitting down. 322 00:20:16,875 --> 00:20:20,333 - All right. I'm convinced. - [Cocks Gun] 323 00:20:20,445 --> 00:20:23,414 Let's move in. Hold it. 324 00:20:23,515 --> 00:20:26,973 - Wh... It's Colonel Potter. - Caramba. 325 00:20:27,085 --> 00:20:30,543 Mr. Big himself. The fish stinks from the head down. 326 00:20:30,655 --> 00:20:33,624 I don't believe it. 327 00:20:33,725 --> 00:20:36,353 We... We better wait and see if MacArthur shows up. 328 00:20:36,461 --> 00:20:38,588 After tonight... 329 00:20:38,696 --> 00:20:41,927 every kid in America will wish he were me. 330 00:20:42,033 --> 00:20:44,160 Move out. 331 00:20:44,269 --> 00:20:47,067 Watch it you two. You're asking for big trouble tonight. 332 00:20:47,172 --> 00:20:50,972 - [Chuckling] - All right. Cards up, and drop those hands. 333 00:20:51,076 --> 00:20:53,704 - What the Sam Hill? - I was going to ask who was dummy. 334 00:20:53,812 --> 00:20:55,939 - Grab those cards. It's evidence. - [Speaking Korean] 335 00:20:56,047 --> 00:20:57,708 - Speak English. - I'll speak English. 336 00:20:57,816 --> 00:21:00,614 - What is this idiocy about? - Your spy ring. 337 00:21:00,718 --> 00:21:03,346 - Spy ring? - Very clever. 338 00:21:03,455 --> 00:21:06,447 Hiding under a house of cards while you plot the overthrow of the free world. 339 00:21:06,558 --> 00:21:10,085 He's got us, guys. We might as well confess. I'm Joe Stalin. 340 00:21:10,195 --> 00:21:12,891 Mao Tse-tung, Marshall Tito and you already know Lenin. 341 00:21:12,997 --> 00:21:15,056 What can I say? We couldn't get a room in the Kremlin. 342 00:21:15,166 --> 00:21:18,966 Oh, I'm sorry, Pierce. Didn't know you had company. 343 00:21:19,070 --> 00:21:21,038 Colonel Potter, we go now. 344 00:21:21,139 --> 00:21:24,631 Freeze, friend. This piece has a hair trigger, and I've got an itchy finger. 345 00:21:24,742 --> 00:21:27,711 Flagg, put that thing down. I don't know how your nimble brain... 346 00:21:27,812 --> 00:21:32,374 cooked up this goofy plot, but you just bought yourself a peck of trouble. 347 00:21:32,484 --> 00:21:36,477 - Says the ringleader. - Do you have any idea who these two gentlemen are? 348 00:21:36,588 --> 00:21:39,216 I'll get to that when I'm ready. 349 00:21:39,324 --> 00:21:41,792 All right. Who are you? 350 00:21:41,893 --> 00:21:45,260 - I am Doo Pak. - The Mayor of Ouijongbu. 351 00:21:45,363 --> 00:21:48,594 And this is his baby brother, Hung Pak, Chief of Police. 352 00:21:48,700 --> 00:21:52,864 Oh, that's right. I remember now. That's who they are. 353 00:21:52,971 --> 00:21:55,462 Colonel, I think you've made a little mistake. 354 00:21:55,573 --> 00:21:57,040 I never make little mistakes. 355 00:21:57,142 --> 00:22:00,339 You're gonna lose your magic decoder ring for this one, Flagg. 356 00:22:00,445 --> 00:22:02,913 Sorry, folks. Let's go. 357 00:22:03,014 --> 00:22:07,508 We should've known. Another one of Colonel Flagg's red herrings. 358 00:22:07,619 --> 00:22:11,020 It doesn't add up. I mean, that map. The evidence. 359 00:22:11,122 --> 00:22:14,751 You of all people should know never to trust a North Korean. 360 00:22:14,859 --> 00:22:18,226 Flagg, you'll pay for this, right through your twitchy nose. 361 00:22:18,329 --> 00:22:22,527 I got a lot of big contacts at "l" Corps. They'll fix your wagon. 362 00:22:22,634 --> 00:22:27,196 I see it now. This is bigger than all of you. 363 00:22:27,305 --> 00:22:31,264 This is a major conspiracy, and I'll get to the bottom of this... 364 00:22:31,376 --> 00:22:33,367 even if I have to go right to the top. 365 00:22:33,478 --> 00:22:36,276 - [Potter] Flagg, you nut! - Colonel, now's our chance. Switch decks. 366 00:22:36,381 --> 00:22:38,645 Get a light on! 367 00:22:41,186 --> 00:22:43,484 - He's gone. - I don't think he was ever here. 368 00:22:43,588 --> 00:22:46,716 - Just a bad dream we all had. - My apologies to both of you. 369 00:22:46,824 --> 00:22:49,793 Can you imagine that rube thinking we were a spy ring? 370 00:22:49,894 --> 00:22:53,591 - [Chuckles] - Charles, you didn't have anything to do with this? 371 00:22:53,698 --> 00:22:56,394 Me? Not a chance. Wouldn't waste my time. 372 00:22:56,501 --> 00:23:00,460 Unless, of course, I could get a good laugh out of it. [Snickering] 373 00:23:00,572 --> 00:23:03,564 You did! You set him up! [Laughing] 374 00:23:03,675 --> 00:23:07,771 - I don't get it. - The major will explain while he plays. 375 00:23:07,879 --> 00:23:10,677 - While he plays? - That's right, Pierce. 376 00:23:10,782 --> 00:23:14,741 - I want a partner with something up his sleeve. - Thank you, Colonel. 377 00:23:14,852 --> 00:23:19,482 [Clears Throat] Gentlemen, it was an amazing story. 378 00:23:19,591 --> 00:23:22,992 The moment I set eyes on Colonel Flagg, I knew what had to be done. 379 00:23:23,094 --> 00:23:26,393 I had to find his weak spot. I did. Right above his neck. 380 00:23:29,934 --> 00:23:33,392 - I'm telling you, BJ. Works for me every time. - I guess it's worth a try. 381 00:23:33,504 --> 00:23:36,473 There's nothing so relaxing as whomping the daylights out of something. 382 00:23:36,574 --> 00:23:38,872 Better some thing than some one. 383 00:23:38,977 --> 00:23:42,310 It's easy once you get the rhythm. There, go ahead. Try it. 384 00:23:42,413 --> 00:23:45,712 - Okay. - [Air Hissing] 385 00:23:46,751 --> 00:23:48,719 Oh, gee, I'm sorry, Father. 386 00:23:48,820 --> 00:23:52,449 That's all right. Maybe you should try needlepoint.