1
00:00:53,479 --> 00:00:55,777
[O.R. Chatter]

2
00:01:08,527 --> 00:01:11,052
[Indistinct Chatter]

3
00:01:11,163 --> 00:01:14,360
Bigelow? Give Lovett
another unit of whole blood...

4
00:01:14,467 --> 00:01:17,368
- and keep your eye on that drainage, okay?
- Yes, Doctor.

5
00:01:17,470 --> 00:01:19,597
- Do you get off at dawn?
- Yes, Doctor.

6
00:01:19,705 --> 00:01:22,265
Same here. You wanna meet in
the supply tent and take stock of each other?

7
00:01:22,375 --> 00:01:25,606
- Absolutely not, Doctor.
- A simple "yes" would've sufficed.

8
00:01:25,711 --> 00:01:27,838
- Hey, Hawk?
- Yes?

9
00:01:27,947 --> 00:01:32,043
Give me a hand here, will ya?
Hold this tension.

10
00:01:32,151 --> 00:01:34,881
When are you gonna learn
to pull your own weight around here?

11
00:01:34,987 --> 00:01:37,888
Just be a second.
He used to work on a chain gang.

12
00:01:37,990 --> 00:01:39,855
[Explosion]

13
00:01:39,959 --> 00:01:42,792
- Shelling?
- Couldn't be. The angels are bowling.

14
00:01:42,895 --> 00:01:45,455
Sounded like one
of our 105s.

15
00:01:45,564 --> 00:01:47,964
- [Explosion]
- How do you know?

16
00:01:48,067 --> 00:01:50,399
- I'm in the army.
- [Explosions Continue]

17
00:01:51,837 --> 00:01:53,532
That one's coming
from the other direction.

18
00:01:53,639 --> 00:01:56,733
Great. We're in a cross fire.
Hurry up.

19
00:01:56,842 --> 00:01:58,707
[All Chattering]

20
00:01:58,811 --> 00:02:01,473
All right. Take it easy.
I'm sure they don't mean it.

21
00:02:01,580 --> 00:02:04,981
- We're safe as long as they keep aiming at us.
- How about some coffee?

22
00:02:05,084 --> 00:02:07,814
- Good idea. I'm getting sleepy.
- [Explosion]

23
00:02:07,920 --> 00:02:11,253
- Nothing to worry about. Happens all the time.
- Yeah, this'll all blow over.

24
00:02:11,357 --> 00:02:13,689
Reassuring.
Very reassuring.

25
00:02:13,793 --> 00:02:16,193
- What the hell's going on?
- And from every direction.

26
00:02:16,295 --> 00:02:18,695
Shut up, both of you.
I'm trying to raise "l" Corps.

27
00:02:18,798 --> 00:02:21,358
- Should we tell him he doesn't
have a phone in his hand?
- You don't have a phone.

28
00:02:21,467 --> 00:02:24,095
[Klinger Shouting]
Hello? "I'"Corps? Just a second.!

29
00:02:24,203 --> 00:02:26,433
- Here, sir.
- You got room for two more?

30
00:02:26,539 --> 00:02:28,439
No. I'm wearing a full skirt.

31
00:02:28,541 --> 00:02:32,409
Hello. Colonel Sherman Potter.
Get me the Artillery Fire Direction Center.

32
00:02:32,511 --> 00:02:36,413
- [Explosions Continuing]
- Yeah, I guess you could call this an emergency!

33
00:02:36,515 --> 00:02:40,178
- We surrender already!
- If I had a stick with
a white handkerchief, I'd show them.

34
00:02:40,286 --> 00:02:43,187
- Maybe if we stood on the roof
and put up our hands.
- Hello, Major?

35
00:02:43,289 --> 00:02:45,689
Colonel Sherman Potter,
MASH 4077.

36
00:02:45,791 --> 00:02:50,057
Stop the shelling! Stop it! Stop it!
You gotta reason with them.

37
00:02:50,162 --> 00:02:54,724
Colonel, we're running three
different battles here. I don't have time to chat.

38
00:02:54,834 --> 00:02:56,825
You're where? Ouijongbu?

39
00:02:56,936 --> 00:03:01,066
Yes! We're engaging a Chinese battery
two miles south.

40
00:03:01,173 --> 00:03:03,107
You're what? You can't be.

41
00:03:03,209 --> 00:03:06,872
4077 th MASH
is 12 miles to the east.

42
00:03:06,979 --> 00:03:11,348
In your hat. We were there
for two days three weeks ago.

43
00:03:11,450 --> 00:03:15,409
'Cause we're mobile, that's why.
What do you think the big "M" stands for?

44
00:03:15,521 --> 00:03:20,481
Did you forget to file your DOA-63/ A,
notifying H.Q. About that?

45
00:03:20,593 --> 00:03:24,893
Major... and I'm using that title
for the moment... we are in your line of fire!

46
00:03:24,997 --> 00:03:29,559
- Tell him money is no object.
- Let's assume you made a mistake
and you are out there.

47
00:03:29,668 --> 00:03:33,263
According to procedure,
I need to know you're you.

48
00:03:33,372 --> 00:03:37,069
Authenticate a Victor Zulu
according to the S.O.I.

49
00:03:37,176 --> 00:03:39,736
- Klinger, where's the code book?
- It's not under here.

50
00:03:39,845 --> 00:03:44,043
- Find it. Find it.
- [Explosions Continue]

51
00:03:44,150 --> 00:03:47,881
Radar's got nothing in here but National
Geographics about Tahiti and New Guinea.

52
00:03:47,987 --> 00:03:51,013
Yeah? Take 'em back
to the Swamp.

53
00:03:51,123 --> 00:03:54,183
- What about "Signal Operating Instructions"?
- S.O.I.! That's it!

54
00:03:54,293 --> 00:03:56,261
[Loud Explosion]

55
00:03:56,362 --> 00:03:59,024
Victor..."Victor Mature.

56
00:03:59,131 --> 00:04:01,361
Victor Zulu."
Victor Zulu.

57
00:04:01,467 --> 00:04:04,698
And I respond, uh,
"Eskimo Pie."

58
00:04:04,804 --> 00:04:08,001
Sorry.
That is incorrect.

59
00:04:08,107 --> 00:04:12,203
Obviously, you have
a superseded code book, Colonel Potter...

60
00:04:12,311 --> 00:04:14,438
if that's who you are.

61
00:04:14,547 --> 00:04:17,744
What do you mean, "if that's who you are"?
Look, you dunderhead.

62
00:04:17,850 --> 00:04:21,081
I'm me! But I'm not gonna
be me much longer...

63
00:04:21,187 --> 00:04:23,849
if you don't squirt the battle
in another direction!

64
00:04:23,956 --> 00:04:26,857
I'm sorry, Colonel. Without
the proper authorization response...

65
00:04:26,959 --> 00:04:29,359
we have no way
of knowing who you are.

66
00:04:29,462 --> 00:04:33,660
If you are one of us,
get out of there; you're in danger.

67
00:04:33,766 --> 00:04:36,166
And if you're one of them...

68
00:04:36,268 --> 00:04:41,205
stay right where you are,
and we'll get to you, comrade.

69
00:04:41,307 --> 00:04:44,037
[Explosions Continue]

70
00:04:44,143 --> 00:04:46,043
He thinks I'm Chinese.

71
00:04:46,145 --> 00:04:49,808
- I don't see it myself.
- Why don't we call the people
doing the actual shooting?

72
00:04:49,915 --> 00:04:53,146
- That could be anybody.
- This whole thing is probably
over somebody's wife.

73
00:04:53,252 --> 00:04:56,619
I'll call General Imbrie.
He knows my voice. He'll identify me.

74
00:04:56,722 --> 00:04:59,623
[Klinger] I'm way ahead of you,
Colonel. There's only one thing wrong.

75
00:04:59,725 --> 00:05:02,888
- The phone's kaput.
- [All Complaining]

76
00:05:02,995 --> 00:05:05,725
We gotta do something.
We're sitting in a future crater.

77
00:05:05,831 --> 00:05:09,858
- A senior staff meeting in
the Mess Tent in five minutes.
- Last one there is a dead duck.

78
00:05:09,969 --> 00:05:12,437
- I'm coming with you!
- [Loud Explosion]

79
00:05:12,538 --> 00:05:15,006
Then again,
why do you need me?

80
00:05:15,107 --> 00:05:18,008
Well, folks, the way I see it,
we're in the middle of a boxing ring...

81
00:05:18,110 --> 00:05:20,169
between two
blindfolded fighters.

82
00:05:20,279 --> 00:05:24,909
What you are saying, Colonel, in your
inimitably folksy style, is that we are doomed.

83
00:05:25,017 --> 00:05:28,680
- It sounded so much better when he said it.
- [Loud Explosion]

84
00:05:28,787 --> 00:05:31,756
- Now there's a wicked left hook.
- Sorry I'm late.

85
00:05:31,857 --> 00:05:34,257
I forgot where I'd put my steel pot.

86
00:05:34,360 --> 00:05:37,989
Then I remembered I used it
to plant azaleas. It still smells of mulch.

87
00:05:38,097 --> 00:05:41,260
But, as they say,
any pot in a storm.

88
00:05:41,367 --> 00:05:45,269
What a wonderful pun. You can
replant those azaleas on my grave.

89
00:05:45,371 --> 00:05:47,430
Oh, I'm sure He'll protect us.

90
00:05:47,540 --> 00:05:49,940
- Here, Father. Sit by me.
- Thank you.

91
00:05:50,042 --> 00:05:53,034
- Padre, I was just saying
our situation looks desperate...
- Right.

92
00:05:53,145 --> 00:05:55,045
- But not hopeless.
- Wrong.

93
00:05:55,147 --> 00:05:58,275
Apparently, neither side
knows we're here.

94
00:05:58,384 --> 00:06:01,876
A major move under these conditions
would be more dangerous than staying...

95
00:06:01,987 --> 00:06:03,978
but there's no time
to dig bunkers.

96
00:06:04,089 --> 00:06:05,750
Now tell us the bad news.

97
00:06:05,858 --> 00:06:08,554
I've done some checking,
and we do have an alternative.

98
00:06:08,661 --> 00:06:11,892
- Dig a hole and come up in Kansas.
- Actually, you're not far off.

99
00:06:11,997 --> 00:06:14,557
- California?
- About a half mile west of here...

100
00:06:14,667 --> 00:06:18,296
there's an abandoned cave that
the North Koreans used as an aid station.

101
00:06:18,404 --> 00:06:20,565
A cave? There must be
a better place than a cave.

102
00:06:20,673 --> 00:06:23,403
- I think it's a brilliant idea. Let's go.
- We'll be under some cover.

103
00:06:23,509 --> 00:06:25,477
- Exactly. Let's go!
- Wait a minute.

104
00:06:25,578 --> 00:06:28,445
- We can't get everybody in there.
- I believe we can.

105
00:06:28,547 --> 00:06:32,483
It'll be a tight fit, but if we just take
the bare necessities, we should make it.

106
00:06:32,585 --> 00:06:36,419
- We'll enter according to rank, sir. Let's go.
- Just a second.

107
00:06:36,522 --> 00:06:40,185
- You want to move patients
to a damp cave with no heat?
- We'll take a few space heaters.

108
00:06:40,292 --> 00:06:44,160
Just moving them is risky. I got a chest case
in there, just came out of O.R.

109
00:06:44,263 --> 00:06:46,493
Fine. You stay here
with your patient.

110
00:06:46,599 --> 00:06:49,124
I'm sure he'll be very grateful
when the shells start falling around you.

111
00:06:49,235 --> 00:06:52,830
Hold it. Listen.

112
00:06:52,938 --> 00:06:55,771
There. See? They stopped.
No problem. We stay here.

113
00:06:55,874 --> 00:06:57,933
- [Loud Explosion]
- That's it. We move.

114
00:06:58,043 --> 00:07:00,204
- [All Chattering]
- [Hawkeye] Wait a second...

115
00:07:00,312 --> 00:07:04,043
[Margaret] Take out the I.V. Before you
load him up. It's gonna be crowded in there.

116
00:07:04,149 --> 00:07:07,710
Kellye? Come on. If we miss this ride,
we'll have to thumb.

117
00:07:07,820 --> 00:07:11,221
Doctor? There's still a fair amount
of bloody drainage.

118
00:07:11,323 --> 00:07:13,883
Could be a small bleeder.
I'll check him on the bus.

119
00:07:13,993 --> 00:07:17,622
Enjoy the ride, kid! It's the only way to see
Korea. Help you across the street, ma'am?

120
00:07:17,730 --> 00:07:20,130
I'm used to it. I got my family
through nine evictions.

121
00:07:20,232 --> 00:07:22,132
This neighborhood's
certainly falling apart.

122
00:07:22,234 --> 00:07:25,897
Wait a minute. Put him down.
I'm losing tension.

123
00:07:26,005 --> 00:07:30,169
Easy. We'll get you out of here. We're gonna
have to rig up something so he can travel.

124
00:07:30,276 --> 00:07:33,302
- Doc...
- Just take it easy, O'Malley. We're working on it.

125
00:07:33,412 --> 00:07:36,472
- How about a couple of crutches?
- Not for a couple of months.

126
00:07:36,582 --> 00:07:39,142
You could set 'em on either side
and use it as a splint.

127
00:07:39,251 --> 00:07:42,709
Then tie the ends together, use it
as a fulcrum, and then adjust the tension.

128
00:07:42,821 --> 00:07:45,221
Yeah. Yeah,
that should work.

129
00:07:45,324 --> 00:07:48,816
Sort of like a Thomas splint. You're really
something. Is there anything you don't know?

130
00:07:48,927 --> 00:07:50,554
Yeah, how to duck.

131
00:07:50,663 --> 00:07:53,393
[Explosions Continue]

132
00:07:53,499 --> 00:07:57,026
- Is that it?
- Yeah, unless we left the bathtub running.

133
00:07:57,136 --> 00:08:00,663
I've been thinking. It might be worth it to
leave somebody here to keep an eye on the place.

134
00:08:00,773 --> 00:08:03,606
These caves have been around
for centuries. They're perfectly safe.

135
00:08:03,709 --> 00:08:07,941
It wouldn't be any trouble. I'll surround myself
with sandbags, say "Who goes there?" a lot.

136
00:08:08,047 --> 00:08:10,675
We're going to the cave.
Get on.

137
00:08:10,783 --> 00:08:13,047
- [Explosions Continue]
- Transfer, please.

138
00:08:15,587 --> 00:08:17,555
All right, Klinger.
Turn it over.

139
00:08:17,656 --> 00:08:20,955
You mind if I put the top up, sir?
It might deflect the shells.

140
00:08:21,060 --> 00:08:24,325
- Nah, it's too nice an evening.
- Wagons ho!

141
00:08:24,430 --> 00:08:27,627
- [Engine Starts]
- Wait! Stop! Klinger, stop that jeep!

142
00:08:27,733 --> 00:08:30,793
- Where do you think you're going?
- He was about to leave without you, sad sack.

143
00:08:30,903 --> 00:08:32,803
Drop that junk and get in.

144
00:08:32,905 --> 00:08:37,035
Junk? These are my barest necessities.
I'm not leaving without them.

145
00:08:37,142 --> 00:08:39,702
- Drive on, Klinger.
- Klinger!

146
00:08:39,812 --> 00:08:41,803
Wait!

147
00:08:42,848 --> 00:08:44,816
Aaah!

148
00:08:57,363 --> 00:08:59,490
[Distant Explosions]

149
00:09:01,367 --> 00:09:03,597
[Margaret]
Come on.! Come on.! Let's go.! Hurry.!

150
00:09:03,702 --> 00:09:07,934
- Let's go.! Let's go.! Step it up, huh?
- Be careful.

151
00:09:08,040 --> 00:09:10,406
Okay. Go.

152
00:09:10,509 --> 00:09:12,841
Extra blankets
for every patient.

153
00:09:12,945 --> 00:09:17,006
It's all rock here,
and everything's wet.

154
00:09:18,283 --> 00:09:21,480
There you go.
Got it, got it.

155
00:09:21,587 --> 00:09:25,455
Oh, yeah, there's home.
Just how I pictured it... a vine-covered hole.

156
00:09:25,557 --> 00:09:28,355
- How's it doing, O'Malley?
- Feels fine. Not much pain.

157
00:09:28,460 --> 00:09:31,190
Lucky for him
he was around to help himself.

158
00:09:31,296 --> 00:09:33,764
It looks awfully low in there.

159
00:09:33,866 --> 00:09:36,198
Come on. I need help
setting up a pulley inside.

160
00:09:36,301 --> 00:09:38,861
- I'll stay out here and direct traffic.
- You okay?

161
00:09:38,971 --> 00:09:41,030
I'm fine.
Why do you ask?

162
00:09:41,140 --> 00:09:43,700
- I've just never seen you this brave before.
- No, I'm fine, really.

163
00:09:43,809 --> 00:09:46,107
Save me a stalagmite.

164
00:09:46,211 --> 00:09:48,577
- Anything left out here?
- Just me.

165
00:09:48,680 --> 00:09:51,808
Before I go in, I demand
you send out a patrol to rescue my wardrobe.

166
00:09:51,917 --> 00:09:55,819
Into the cave
with the rest of the bats.

167
00:09:55,921 --> 00:09:59,118
- All right, Pierce. Everyone's in. Let's go.
- Uh-huh.

168
00:10:01,593 --> 00:10:03,993
[Explosions Continue]

169
00:10:05,697 --> 00:10:07,688
Here I am, going in.

170
00:10:09,902 --> 00:10:12,769
And here I am, coming out.

171
00:10:12,871 --> 00:10:16,671
- Pierce, what are you doin'?
- Do you have anything in a larger size?

172
00:10:16,775 --> 00:10:19,676
Son, I don't know what's gotten into you,
but as your commander...

173
00:10:19,778 --> 00:10:22,508
I can't go in until you go in,
so in you go.

174
00:10:22,614 --> 00:10:26,516
I don't think so. I don't breathe too well
in there. Know what I mean?

175
00:10:26,618 --> 00:10:28,245
Claustrophobia?

176
00:10:28,353 --> 00:10:31,754
[Exhales]
Ever since I was a kid.

177
00:10:31,857 --> 00:10:34,758
People used to think I kept my clothes
in a pile because I was a slob.

178
00:10:34,860 --> 00:10:37,920
It's just that I couldn't step
into a walk-in closet.

179
00:10:38,030 --> 00:10:40,760
I know there's plenty of air in there
and the walls aren't gonna cave in...

180
00:10:40,866 --> 00:10:43,835
but that's what's gonna happen,
so let's just forget it.

181
00:10:43,936 --> 00:10:47,235
I wish I'd known before, but I don't know
what else we could've done.

182
00:10:47,339 --> 00:10:49,569
What else was there to do?
I couldn't jeopardize the unit...

183
00:10:49,675 --> 00:10:51,939
on account of my stupid fears,
which happen to be real.

184
00:10:52,044 --> 00:10:55,445
Easy now. Nobody's gonna
force you to do what you can't do.

185
00:10:55,547 --> 00:10:59,108
If you have to stay outside, then keep close
to the entrance, where it's a little safer.

186
00:10:59,218 --> 00:11:00,913
- All right?
- All right.

187
00:11:01,019 --> 00:11:02,919
- All right.
- All right.

188
00:11:03,021 --> 00:11:04,921
[Explosions Continue]

189
00:11:22,174 --> 00:11:24,074
[Incoming Shells]

190
00:11:24,176 --> 00:11:26,474
[Loud Explosion]

191
00:11:29,515 --> 00:11:31,745
Hi, honey! I'm home!

192
00:11:34,820 --> 00:11:37,220
[Explosions Continue]

193
00:11:37,322 --> 00:11:40,120
Hello. Just stay calm.

194
00:11:40,225 --> 00:11:42,125
Everybody make room
for each other.

195
00:11:42,227 --> 00:11:46,220
Breathe slowly.
Save some air for the next person.

196
00:11:46,331 --> 00:11:48,458
I'm sure there's plenty
for everybody.

197
00:11:51,470 --> 00:11:53,870
Don't panic just 'cause
the walls are closing in.

198
00:11:53,972 --> 00:11:56,031
Make a hole.
Comin' through.

199
00:11:56,141 --> 00:11:59,042
Hello, Hawkeye.
Kind of cozy, isn't it? Excuse me.

200
00:11:59,144 --> 00:12:02,204
- Father, whatever you're going out for, I'll get it.
- I wasn't going out.

201
00:12:02,314 --> 00:12:05,306
- I'll get it anyway.
- [Potter] Make room. Make room.

202
00:12:05,417 --> 00:12:08,648
Oh, you made it inside. Proud of you.
How're you holding up?

203
00:12:08,754 --> 00:12:11,484
- Fine. Great. Fantastic. Get me outta here.
- What's the matter?

204
00:12:11,590 --> 00:12:14,115
- He's got a little claustrophobia.
- Oh, dear.

205
00:12:14,226 --> 00:12:16,160
Well, you shouldn't be here.

206
00:12:16,261 --> 00:12:19,230
Father, you have a real grasp of the obvious.
May I be excused?

207
00:12:19,331 --> 00:12:22,129
- Right. Comin' through!
- Right. Let him through!

208
00:12:22,234 --> 00:12:25,294
I'm gettin' out
and goin' for coffee!

209
00:12:25,404 --> 00:12:28,862
- [Explosions Continue]
- Easy, son. Easy.

210
00:12:28,974 --> 00:12:32,705
- We need a sentry here anyway.
- It'll be all right, Hawkeye.

211
00:12:32,811 --> 00:12:36,042
If you'd like to talk about it,
I'm working down at the other end.

212
00:12:36,148 --> 00:12:40,744
- Uh... Oh, well.
- Right now I just need a little room, okay?

213
00:12:42,788 --> 00:12:45,256
Ah-ha.

214
00:12:45,357 --> 00:12:47,188
Nice of the North Koreans
to leave us this hook.

215
00:12:47,292 --> 00:12:50,227
- They probably used it for the same thing.
- Don't be silly.

216
00:12:50,329 --> 00:12:54,390
They used it to hang themselves
after spending an hour in here.

217
00:12:54,499 --> 00:12:56,433
This cave is a terrible idea.

218
00:12:56,535 --> 00:12:59,629
One direct hit on the entrance,
we'll be sealed in here for eternity.

219
00:12:59,738 --> 00:13:01,729
A little louder,
you could start a stampede.

220
00:13:01,840 --> 00:13:04,400
- I haven't even mentioned the dampness.
- Don't.

221
00:13:04,509 --> 00:13:06,909
Oh, sure.
You don't have sinus trouble.

222
00:13:07,012 --> 00:13:09,537
I hope you're not subject
to pneumonia, because that's next.

223
00:13:09,648 --> 00:13:12,242
When they finally find our skeletons,
they won't be able to tell who's who...

224
00:13:12,351 --> 00:13:14,581
because the dog tags
will all be rusted over.

225
00:13:14,686 --> 00:13:17,678
Listen, Gloom Hilda, will you keep it down.
There are a lot of frightened people here.

226
00:13:17,789 --> 00:13:21,850
And I'm one of them,
so I will say what I please.

227
00:13:21,960 --> 00:13:24,155
I don't think you need
the other sandbag.

228
00:13:24,262 --> 00:13:26,162
- What?
- The second sandbag...

229
00:13:26,264 --> 00:13:28,164
it's too much weight.

230
00:13:28,266 --> 00:13:31,997
I checked the X-ray. I want more tension
on the leg. The weight is perfect.

231
00:13:32,104 --> 00:13:34,231
Fine. Fine. Brilliant.

232
00:13:34,339 --> 00:13:37,797
Too bad it's all academic.
We're gonna be buried in here anyway.

233
00:13:37,909 --> 00:13:41,208
I know we're in kind of a tough spot
here. Nerves are a little raw.

234
00:13:41,313 --> 00:13:43,213
People are kind of anxious.

235
00:13:43,315 --> 00:13:46,716
Make one more doomsday remark,
you're gonna need splints for all your teeth.

236
00:13:46,818 --> 00:13:51,448
To answer you in your own
dead-end parlance, "Youse and whom else?"

237
00:13:51,556 --> 00:13:55,014
- Just "mese."
- You know, these modern caves
have terrific acoustics.

238
00:13:55,127 --> 00:13:58,585
You can hear everything
10 times. So shut up.

239
00:14:01,867 --> 00:14:05,268
- I still say this cave is a terrible idea.
- [Potter] I heard that.

240
00:14:08,340 --> 00:14:10,808
[Explosions Continue]

241
00:14:17,416 --> 00:14:20,874
- Hi, Lovett.
- Where did they get you?

242
00:14:20,986 --> 00:14:23,784
Don't talk like that
to your blood bank.

243
00:14:23,889 --> 00:14:26,551
How do my corpuscles feel,
by the way? Warm, I bet.

244
00:14:26,658 --> 00:14:29,718
- I'm a warm-blooded guy. My desert heritage.
- How much do I need?

245
00:14:29,828 --> 00:14:32,422
Don't worry.
Whatever it is, I can spare it.

246
00:14:32,531 --> 00:14:34,761
Besides, there's more
where I came from.

247
00:14:34,866 --> 00:14:37,426
Father Mulcahy and Major Winchester
have the same type blood as me...

248
00:14:37,536 --> 00:14:41,165
except one's a little purer
and one's a little bluer.

249
00:14:41,273 --> 00:14:43,173
How's it going, Klinger?

250
00:14:43,275 --> 00:14:46,244
I was just telling Lovett here that
you and me have the same blood type.

251
00:14:46,344 --> 00:14:48,835
That is not funny, Klinger.

252
00:14:48,947 --> 00:14:51,245
It's in the records.

253
00:14:51,349 --> 00:14:55,410
Ironic, huh? Us two,
brothers under the skin?

254
00:14:55,520 --> 00:14:59,718
That's as demoralizing a thought
as I have ever encountered.

255
00:14:59,825 --> 00:15:02,419
Klinger, stop talking
to the patient, please.

256
00:15:02,527 --> 00:15:06,725
It's bad enough he has to have you
in his veins, let alone his ears.

257
00:15:08,600 --> 00:15:10,500
[Quietly]
Some brother.

258
00:15:10,602 --> 00:15:13,162
[Winchester]
I heard that.

259
00:15:13,271 --> 00:15:15,501
[Explosions Continue]

260
00:15:17,442 --> 00:15:20,969
- Where are you going?
- Down to the corner
to buy a paper and a larger room.

261
00:15:21,079 --> 00:15:23,309
No, no, no.
Stay here. Come on.

262
00:15:23,415 --> 00:15:25,610
I'll sit with you.

263
00:15:29,354 --> 00:15:31,652
- Do you believe in reincarnation?
- What?

264
00:15:31,757 --> 00:15:35,488
Looking in there makes me think of
all the things I wouldn't want to come back as...

265
00:15:35,594 --> 00:15:38,256
a snail, an oyster, a turtle.

266
00:15:38,363 --> 00:15:40,490
[Chuckles]
Can you imagine me as a turtle?

267
00:15:40,599 --> 00:15:43,124
Afraid to get
into my own shell.

268
00:15:43,235 --> 00:15:47,695
I'd die of embarrassment, all the other turtles
laughing at me in my underwear.

269
00:15:47,806 --> 00:15:50,366
[Sighs] I wish I was strong
and brave like you.

270
00:15:50,475 --> 00:15:52,375
Ha! That's a laugh.

271
00:15:52,477 --> 00:15:55,105
As much as you want to get out of this cave,
that's how much I want to stay in.

272
00:15:55,213 --> 00:15:57,181
Oh? You like suffocation?

273
00:15:57,282 --> 00:15:59,273
With you, it's closed-in places.

274
00:15:59,384 --> 00:16:01,284
With me, it's loud noises.

275
00:16:01,386 --> 00:16:03,513
I've always been oversensitive
to them.

276
00:16:03,622 --> 00:16:07,649
- Trains, a car backfiring...
- [Loud Explosion]

277
00:16:07,759 --> 00:16:10,887
Shellfire. I hate shellfire.

278
00:16:10,996 --> 00:16:14,397
- So, naturally, you joined the army.
- To be a nurse.

279
00:16:14,499 --> 00:16:17,491
Every time a shell goes off, I have to
practically nail my feet to the floor...

280
00:16:17,602 --> 00:16:19,900
to keep myself
from running away.

281
00:16:20,005 --> 00:16:22,906
- [Loud Explosion]
- Don't worry about that. That wasn't close.

282
00:16:23,008 --> 00:16:25,408
- [Louder Explosion]
- Now, that's close.

283
00:16:25,510 --> 00:16:28,911
I can't leave you two
in the backseat of anything.

284
00:16:29,014 --> 00:16:32,575
We're just sitting under the rockets' red glare,
sharing our favorite unreasonable fears.

285
00:16:32,684 --> 00:16:34,652
I see it hasn't helped.

286
00:16:34,753 --> 00:16:37,984
- This probably won't either, but at least it's warm.
- Here.

287
00:16:38,089 --> 00:16:41,024
- Thanks.
- This is every nightmare I've ever had coming true.

288
00:16:41,126 --> 00:16:43,060
The shelling can't last much longer.

289
00:16:43,161 --> 00:16:45,220
- We'll be out of here soon.
- What do you mean?

290
00:16:45,330 --> 00:16:48,231
There's all that surplus ammo
from World War II they haven't used yet.

291
00:16:48,333 --> 00:16:51,393
- I don't know how much more of this I can stand.
- You'll stand it as long as I do.

292
00:16:51,503 --> 00:16:53,767
Thank heavens none of us
has to stand it alone.

293
00:16:53,872 --> 00:16:57,000
I know, and that's a great comfort,
as long as I'm sitting near an opening.

294
00:16:57,108 --> 00:17:00,407
Hawkeye, Private Lovett's
blood pressure's dropping.

295
00:17:00,512 --> 00:17:04,448
- Stay put. I'll get it.
- Thanks.

296
00:17:04,549 --> 00:17:07,211
No. Wait a minute. I'm a doctor,
and he's my patient. Let me try.

297
00:17:07,319 --> 00:17:09,844
- A-Are you sure?
- Of course not.

298
00:17:11,356 --> 00:17:13,950
Stay with me,
but not too close.

299
00:17:19,464 --> 00:17:21,864
You don't feel it, do you?

300
00:17:21,967 --> 00:17:23,867
Pulse rapid.

301
00:17:23,969 --> 00:17:26,301
Skin clammy.

302
00:17:26,404 --> 00:17:29,202
I don't know who's whiter...
him or me.

303
00:17:30,408 --> 00:17:32,376
Excuse me.

304
00:17:39,251 --> 00:17:42,311
- Hawk, we're gonna have to go back in.
- But it's dark in there.

305
00:17:42,420 --> 00:17:45,719
Yeah, I know. He's bleeding
into his belly. It's out of control.

306
00:17:45,824 --> 00:17:47,758
[Panting]

307
00:17:47,859 --> 00:17:51,488
- Oh!
- Pump the rest of that blood in, fast.

308
00:17:51,596 --> 00:17:53,723
Hawk, I'll take care of it.

309
00:17:53,832 --> 00:17:56,562
It's gonna be awfully tough finding
a bleeder at the bottom of that well...

310
00:17:56,668 --> 00:17:58,932
with no generator, no suction...

311
00:17:59,037 --> 00:18:01,528
and, as an extra added attraction,
no anesthesia.

312
00:18:01,640 --> 00:18:04,108
I know. But I know
a place where we got all that stuff.

313
00:18:04,209 --> 00:18:06,677
- So do I. I'm the closest one to it.
- Are you sure?

314
00:18:06,778 --> 00:18:09,440
- You're not exactly yourself.
- I will be as long as I stay out of there.

315
00:18:09,547 --> 00:18:12,277
- At least I'll have something real to be afraid of.
- You know best.

316
00:18:12,384 --> 00:18:15,353
- I'll tell Potter.
- I'm gonna need one of your nurses.

317
00:18:15,453 --> 00:18:18,354
- I'll get my helmet.
- Margaret, stay here. It's a lot quieter.

318
00:18:18,456 --> 00:18:22,392
I know, I know. I'm crazy
and I'll probably never forgive myself.

319
00:18:22,494 --> 00:18:26,225
But I'm also the head nurse. And I'll
be damned if I'll send someone else out there...

320
00:18:26,331 --> 00:18:28,390
to face what terrifies me.

321
00:18:28,500 --> 00:18:32,493
You're a better nurse
than I am, Gunga Din.

322
00:18:32,604 --> 00:18:34,765
- [Loud Explosions]
- [Sighs]

323
00:18:37,008 --> 00:18:39,738
Keep those headlights off,
and don't rush to get back there.

324
00:18:39,844 --> 00:18:43,143
Above all, if the shelling
gets too close, pull off the road.

325
00:18:43,248 --> 00:18:45,478
Don't tell me. Tell Margaret.
She's driving.

326
00:18:45,583 --> 00:18:48,074
Not too fast. I want
to read the Burma Shave signs.

327
00:18:48,186 --> 00:18:50,746
Good luck to both of you.
What you're doing takes a lot of guts.

328
00:18:50,855 --> 00:18:52,755
- And no brains.
- Don't pick up any hitchhikers.

329
00:18:52,857 --> 00:18:57,726
- Can we just get outta here?
- Thanks for a wonderful evening.
We'll have you over real soon.

330
00:19:00,265 --> 00:19:03,598
Remember, keep the helmets on
and the lights off.

331
00:19:03,702 --> 00:19:05,636
Be careful.

332
00:19:07,405 --> 00:19:10,033
[Distant Explosion]

333
00:19:12,143 --> 00:19:15,340
- More suction. I can't see.
- Suction.

334
00:19:15,447 --> 00:19:17,847
[Incoming Shell,
Loud Explosion]

335
00:19:17,949 --> 00:19:22,147
- Sounds like they're getting closer.
- Keep that suction coming.

336
00:19:22,253 --> 00:19:24,881
- [Explosion]
- I swear they're getting closer.

337
00:19:24,990 --> 00:19:28,551
- I think I found the bleeder. Retractor.
- Retractor.

338
00:19:28,660 --> 00:19:31,788
You're doing fine.
Now, just let go of it.

339
00:19:31,896 --> 00:19:33,955
Okay. Pull that back.

340
00:19:34,065 --> 00:19:37,057
You know, with Klinger
and Mulcahy's blood in him...

341
00:19:37,168 --> 00:19:40,433
this kid'll wake up
singing "Ave Maria" in Lebanese.

342
00:19:42,173 --> 00:19:45,870
That was supposed to be funny.
You're not helping me by not laughing.

343
00:19:45,977 --> 00:19:48,775
- There's nothing funny about any of this.
- All right. Okay, okay.

344
00:19:48,880 --> 00:19:51,906
Let's try something else...
a game... 20 Questions.

345
00:19:52,017 --> 00:19:53,917
- You're crazy.
- No. It works.

346
00:19:54,019 --> 00:19:56,817
My father used to play that with us
when we went on family drives.

347
00:19:56,921 --> 00:19:58,980
Kept our minds
off throwing up.

348
00:19:59,090 --> 00:20:03,754
Okay. You think of somebody famous,
living or dead, and I have to guess who it is.

349
00:20:03,862 --> 00:20:05,762
I can't play any games.

350
00:20:05,864 --> 00:20:08,697
- Think of somebody.
- Winston Churchill.

351
00:20:08,800 --> 00:20:12,702
Don't tell me. Think of somebody else,
and keep it to yourself.

352
00:20:12,804 --> 00:20:14,601
[Explosion]

353
00:20:14,706 --> 00:20:16,606
- You got somebody?
- No.

354
00:20:16,708 --> 00:20:19,700
Well, get somebody. Boy,
you are really lousy at this game.

355
00:20:19,811 --> 00:20:22,541
- All right, all right. I'm ready.
- Okay.

356
00:20:22,647 --> 00:20:24,945
Now, first question.

357
00:20:25,050 --> 00:20:27,450
- Are you busy Saturday night?
- [Sighs] What?

358
00:20:27,552 --> 00:20:29,543
I guess that rules me out.

359
00:20:29,654 --> 00:20:31,918
- [Loud Explosion]
- [Screams]

360
00:20:32,023 --> 00:20:35,481
- Is he a she, or is she a he?
- She's a woman.

361
00:20:35,593 --> 00:20:38,084
All right. It's either
Eleanor Roosevelt or Marilyn Monroe.

362
00:20:38,196 --> 00:20:40,926
- This is stupid.
- [Explosion]

363
00:20:41,032 --> 00:20:43,000
Stop! Give me another question.

364
00:20:43,101 --> 00:20:45,035
- Is she living or dead?
- [Explosion]

365
00:20:45,136 --> 00:20:48,333
That's a dumb question.
Is she vegetable or mineral?

366
00:20:48,440 --> 00:20:50,840
- Are you gonna play or not?
- All right, all right.

367
00:20:50,942 --> 00:20:54,605
- She's dead.
- Dead. Uh, uh, more than a hundred years?

368
00:20:54,712 --> 00:20:56,612
- Yes.
- 500?

369
00:20:56,714 --> 00:20:58,614
- Yes.
- Boy, she must look awful.

370
00:20:58,716 --> 00:21:00,616
Is she married?

371
00:21:00,718 --> 00:21:02,913
- Wait a minute.
- Separated?

372
00:21:03,021 --> 00:21:05,785
- No, shh! Listen.
- Come on, Margaret. We're doing so well.

373
00:21:05,890 --> 00:21:08,586
No, no. Listen.

374
00:21:08,693 --> 00:21:11,287
It's stopped.
The shelling's stopped.

375
00:21:12,831 --> 00:21:16,494
Hold on. They may just be
reloading the cotton in their ears.

376
00:21:16,601 --> 00:21:18,796
No, no, no. It's over.

377
00:21:18,903 --> 00:21:21,337
We made it.

378
00:21:21,439 --> 00:21:23,339
Boy, we are really brave.

379
00:21:23,441 --> 00:21:27,775
Yeah. Well, let's just
keep thinking that. [Panting]

380
00:21:27,879 --> 00:21:30,279
Um...

381
00:21:30,381 --> 00:21:32,440
Joan of Arc.

382
00:21:32,550 --> 00:21:34,450
How did you know?

383
00:21:34,552 --> 00:21:38,352
It's easy. Who else would you be
thinking of in the last five minutes?

384
00:21:38,456 --> 00:21:40,424
[Both Laughing]

385
00:21:42,527 --> 00:21:44,893
[Vehicle Approaching]

386
00:21:47,632 --> 00:21:49,759
[Brakes Squeal]

387
00:21:51,269 --> 00:21:54,466
[Potter] Look for pierce and Houlihan.
Careful, careful.!

388
00:21:54,572 --> 00:21:56,472
[All Chattering]

389
00:21:56,574 --> 00:22:00,704
- Easy through the doorway.
- Sir, there's life, barely.

390
00:22:00,812 --> 00:22:04,646
- I don't know about them, but he's okay.
- Aw, let 'em sleep.

391
00:22:04,749 --> 00:22:06,740
They deserve it.

392
00:22:06,851 --> 00:22:09,319
[Chatter Continues]

393
00:22:13,024 --> 00:22:15,686
- They're home.
- Oh, good.

394
00:22:15,793 --> 00:22:18,523
- We better help.
- [Hawkeye] Right.

395
00:22:18,630 --> 00:22:20,621
[Moans]