1 00:01:01,153 --> 00:01:03,883 [Potter Singing Western Song] 2 00:01:05,658 --> 00:01:08,286 [Singing Continues] 3 00:01:24,977 --> 00:01:26,877 Howdy-do, stranger? 4 00:01:26,979 --> 00:01:29,072 I do fine, sir. Do you know you're late? 5 00:01:29,181 --> 00:01:33,413 You worry too much, Radar. That's probably why you're so good at your job. 6 00:01:33,519 --> 00:01:36,113 Probably, sir. But you did say you'd be back at noon. 7 00:01:36,222 --> 00:01:38,918 That was four hours ago, and now it's 4:00. 8 00:01:39,025 --> 00:01:41,858 Yeah. I totally forgot. Isn't it wonderful? 9 00:01:41,961 --> 00:01:45,988 Radar, there's a special feeling you get when you're alone with your horse. 10 00:01:46,098 --> 00:01:49,795 Just the two of ya, cut off from the world with nobody to bother ya. 11 00:01:49,902 --> 00:01:52,302 I know, sir. I get the same feeling with my skunk. 12 00:01:52,405 --> 00:01:55,374 Radar, give us a hand, will ya? 13 00:01:58,611 --> 00:02:00,602 There we go. 14 00:02:00,713 --> 00:02:04,740 Uh, before you say anything, Mrs. Potter made these for me. 15 00:02:04,850 --> 00:02:07,580 - Now what do you think of'em? - Thanks for the warning, sir. 16 00:02:07,687 --> 00:02:09,746 Would you like her to send you a pair? 17 00:02:09,855 --> 00:02:12,255 Uh, can she make the same thing in white? 18 00:02:12,358 --> 00:02:15,191 It's a rare treat to share your underwear with a friend. 19 00:02:15,294 --> 00:02:18,525 You're welcome, sir. Sir, it's Cho Pak and his daughter for the laundry. 20 00:02:18,631 --> 00:02:21,566 - Wunderbar. Come on in, folks. - Come on in. 21 00:02:22,902 --> 00:02:24,802 - Good day, Colonel. - Indeed it is. 22 00:02:24,904 --> 00:02:27,270 And how's Mr. Pak today, Mr. Pak? 23 00:02:29,075 --> 00:02:31,373 Right. I'll get to the point. 24 00:02:31,477 --> 00:02:35,971 This is a special order. I'd like your father to clean my riding britches. 25 00:02:36,082 --> 00:02:39,415 No starch. The saddle is bad enough. 26 00:02:39,518 --> 00:02:42,282 [Speaking Korean] 27 00:02:42,388 --> 00:02:45,118 - What did he say? - I don't know. Let me find out, sir. 28 00:02:45,224 --> 00:02:47,283 Excuse me. What did he say? 29 00:02:47,393 --> 00:02:51,989 It's not important, Colonel. We make sure no starch. Colonel, he meant nothing. 30 00:02:52,098 --> 00:02:54,999 When was the last time your father was examined by a doctor? 31 00:02:55,101 --> 00:02:58,366 Long time ago. When he was in army, maybe. 32 00:02:58,471 --> 00:03:01,133 I'd sure like to give him a thorough physical. 33 00:03:01,240 --> 00:03:03,367 [Speaking Korean] 34 00:03:03,476 --> 00:03:06,138 - [Korean] - He says no, sir. 35 00:03:06,245 --> 00:03:09,339 Forgive the way my father act. 36 00:03:09,448 --> 00:03:12,884 Please understand that he was once a proud officer in cavalry. 37 00:03:12,985 --> 00:03:15,010 Is that so? 38 00:03:15,121 --> 00:03:18,090 He feels that to come here as a laundryman is a great disgrace. 39 00:03:18,190 --> 00:03:23,093 No apologies necessary. But do have him come in and see me for an examination soon. 40 00:03:23,195 --> 00:03:28,098 Colonel very kind. Don't worry. No starch in riding pants. 41 00:03:28,200 --> 00:03:30,862 [Laughs] He's cavalry. He knows. 42 00:03:30,970 --> 00:03:32,870 Let me get the door. 43 00:03:34,407 --> 00:03:36,705 He's a "sir," sir. [Chuckles] 44 00:03:36,809 --> 00:03:39,642 Gee, I never knew Mr. Pak was an officer before. 45 00:03:39,745 --> 00:03:42,111 He fought Russians long time ago. 46 00:03:42,214 --> 00:03:45,047 He saved many villages. He was very famous. 47 00:03:45,151 --> 00:03:47,779 Wow. I wish you'd tell him how proud I am to know him. 48 00:03:47,887 --> 00:03:49,787 It's a real honor just knowing him. 49 00:03:49,889 --> 00:03:52,790 Mr. Pak, do you think maybe you could do an undershirt of mine? 50 00:03:52,892 --> 00:03:54,792 - [Korean] - He says no. 51 00:04:00,266 --> 00:04:03,394 - All right. How much? - Don't you ever knock? 52 00:04:05,137 --> 00:04:07,401 - [Knocks] - Come in. 53 00:04:07,506 --> 00:04:10,066 - How much, Colonel? - What are you talking about, Klinger? 54 00:04:10,176 --> 00:04:12,076 Please. Let's cut the chin music, sir. 55 00:04:12,178 --> 00:04:14,078 Every man has his price. How much? 56 00:04:14,180 --> 00:04:16,648 Oh, I see. Now it's bribery. 57 00:04:16,749 --> 00:04:19,081 That's an ugly word for it, sir. Ugly but fitting. 58 00:04:19,185 --> 00:04:22,245 Klinger, I'm getting a vision. 59 00:04:22,354 --> 00:04:27,257 Ahhh, a corporal digging an endless latrine. 60 00:04:27,359 --> 00:04:29,793 I'll be brief, sir. Greed, sir. 61 00:04:29,895 --> 00:04:32,523 It's greed, not faith, that moves mountains. 62 00:04:32,631 --> 00:04:35,896 It was greed that moved my uncle into a cushy job on the Toledo City Council. 63 00:04:36,001 --> 00:04:39,300 - Get out of here, Klinger. - You think I'm talking peanuts, don't you? 64 00:04:39,405 --> 00:04:42,636 - How does $100 sound? - Like peanuts. 65 00:04:42,741 --> 00:04:46,438 That's just starters, sir. Let's talk a thousand, 5,000. 66 00:04:46,545 --> 00:04:48,172 Let's talk door. 67 00:04:48,280 --> 00:04:51,909 It'll require a little overtime, but $10,000. 68 00:04:52,017 --> 00:04:54,747 - Ten thousand? - There it is. 69 00:04:54,854 --> 00:04:56,788 The chink in your armor. Your price. 70 00:04:56,889 --> 00:04:59,881 - Get. - Your words say no, but your eyes say yes. 71 00:04:59,992 --> 00:05:02,825 - And my boot says... - Going but not gone. 72 00:05:02,928 --> 00:05:06,261 I'll be back... sir. 73 00:05:06,432 --> 00:05:09,162 Nothing like a nice hot shower with ice-cold water. 74 00:05:09,268 --> 00:05:11,293 - A sensual pinnacle. - A religious experience. 75 00:05:11,403 --> 00:05:13,428 - Let's do it more often. - How about next November? 76 00:05:13,539 --> 00:05:15,439 - It's a date. - Good evening, captains. 77 00:05:15,541 --> 00:05:17,771 You look much thinner with that crust off your bodies. 78 00:05:17,877 --> 00:05:20,846 [Hawkeye] A compliment like that, the least I can do is scrub your back. 79 00:05:20,946 --> 00:05:23,346 - Forget it... again. - I won't even peek. 80 00:05:23,449 --> 00:05:25,747 I'll stand in front of you and reach behind. 81 00:05:25,851 --> 00:05:29,082 - I'll go along to make sure he doesn't miss a spot. - Go wash out your minds! 82 00:05:29,188 --> 00:05:31,088 Religious fanatic! 83 00:05:33,792 --> 00:05:37,125 [Margaret Singing Military Song] 84 00:05:56,615 --> 00:05:59,049 [Screams] 85 00:05:59,151 --> 00:06:02,587 - [Screaming Continues] - Hey, ho, ho, ho! 86 00:06:02,688 --> 00:06:04,713 - Whoa! Take it easy! - Easy, easy, kid! Easy! 87 00:06:04,823 --> 00:06:06,723 - Don't hurt us. - Come here. 88 00:06:06,825 --> 00:06:09,385 He looked at me! Hold him! He saw my body! 89 00:06:09,495 --> 00:06:11,690 - So he got lucky. - Margaret, he's just a kid. 90 00:06:11,797 --> 00:06:14,766 - He's still trying to figure out what he saw. - Why was he in my shower? 91 00:06:14,867 --> 00:06:17,062 - Isn't it obvious? - Not to me. 92 00:06:17,169 --> 00:06:19,899 - He's a spy! - Oh, right. A peeping Commie. 93 00:06:20,005 --> 00:06:22,667 - Margaret, will you take it easy? We'll get to the bottom of this. - Or that. 94 00:06:22,775 --> 00:06:25,801 - I'm wearing a towel! - Oh, I hadn't noticed. 95 00:06:25,911 --> 00:06:29,278 - [Cheering, Whistling] - All right. Okay, okay, everybody. 96 00:06:29,381 --> 00:06:32,612 Break it up. This is just between the major and her peeper. 97 00:06:32,718 --> 00:06:35,710 - Let's all go home. - If he took any pictures, we'll see everybody gets a copy. 98 00:06:35,821 --> 00:06:37,721 Not for me, thanks. 99 00:06:37,823 --> 00:06:39,984 Hey, take it easy! We're the good guys. 100 00:06:40,092 --> 00:06:41,992 Show him the picture of your daughter again. 101 00:06:42,094 --> 00:06:43,994 - You wanted to see me? - No, no, no, no, no. 102 00:06:44,096 --> 00:06:47,065 - Yes. Radar, we fished this guy out of Major Houlihan's shower. - Wow! 103 00:06:47,166 --> 00:06:49,600 - You know him? - No, but he's sure got guts. 104 00:06:49,702 --> 00:06:52,364 [Speaking Korean] 105 00:06:53,939 --> 00:06:57,238 - [Korean] - I just don't understand this younger generation. 106 00:06:57,343 --> 00:07:00,107 - We don't speak the same language. - Does he understand English? 107 00:07:00,212 --> 00:07:02,806 - I'll find out. Do you understand English? - Yes. 108 00:07:02,915 --> 00:07:05,748 - Yes. - I'm so glad Radar showed up. 109 00:07:05,851 --> 00:07:08,046 - What's your name? - Ham. 110 00:07:08,153 --> 00:07:10,553 - Ham. - What are you doing here? 111 00:07:10,656 --> 00:07:12,954 - I was just gonna ask him that! - Will you be quiet. 112 00:07:13,058 --> 00:07:14,958 I come from village downriver. 113 00:07:15,060 --> 00:07:16,960 - No, no, no. It's all right. - It's okay. 114 00:07:17,062 --> 00:07:19,394 Oh, swell. You've opened a clinic in my living room. 115 00:07:19,498 --> 00:07:21,625 - We'll be right with you. - You were saying, Ham? 116 00:07:21,734 --> 00:07:24,396 Last night our army come to my village... 117 00:07:24,503 --> 00:07:27,097 force men into trucks to become soldiers. 118 00:07:27,206 --> 00:07:32,007 Why, that's barbaric! At least in America, a draftee gets a letter of greetings. 119 00:07:32,111 --> 00:07:35,808 These R.O.K. Soldiers are pretty rough. They take who they want. 120 00:07:35,914 --> 00:07:38,974 I see them take my friends. I run away. 121 00:07:39,084 --> 00:07:43,578 - Why didn't I think of that? - It was wrong to run, but I was afraid. 122 00:07:43,689 --> 00:07:45,919 Ham, what you did was perfectly understandable. 123 00:07:46,025 --> 00:07:48,425 No, not right. I should be a soldier. 124 00:07:48,527 --> 00:07:52,429 I should be with my friends, but I'm afraid. I don't know. 125 00:07:52,531 --> 00:07:55,728 They're gonna be looking for him, sirs. That's for sure. 126 00:07:55,834 --> 00:07:58,735 What the hell is this? Rounding up young kids in the middle of the night? 127 00:07:58,837 --> 00:08:01,101 That's what we're supposed to be fighting against. 128 00:08:01,206 --> 00:08:03,970 - Why don't we? - Hold it, hold it! 129 00:08:04,076 --> 00:08:08,274 You're not gonna do something noble and inconvenient like hiding him here, are you? 130 00:08:08,380 --> 00:08:10,280 - Hey! - Hey, Charles! 131 00:08:10,382 --> 00:08:12,282 Thank you! Wonderful idea! 132 00:08:12,451 --> 00:08:14,942 Cigars? Cigarettes? Candy? Gum? 133 00:08:15,054 --> 00:08:17,079 - Pack of gum. - New or used? 134 00:08:17,189 --> 00:08:19,214 - Used gum? - Hey, it's got a wrapper on it. 135 00:08:19,325 --> 00:08:21,452 However, I personally recommend the new. 136 00:08:21,560 --> 00:08:23,460 - That'll be a dollar. - Forget it. 137 00:08:23,562 --> 00:08:26,122 If you're so hard up for dough, why not try a dime a dance? 138 00:08:26,231 --> 00:08:29,359 Or even better... A dime and you won't dance. [Laughs] 139 00:08:29,468 --> 00:08:32,995 You better look out, or they'll be puttin' dimes on your eyes. 140 00:08:33,105 --> 00:08:35,300 You're giving the club a bad name, Hairy Mary. 141 00:08:35,407 --> 00:08:40,310 I'm warning you, Zale. Shut up, or as soon as I'm on my break, I'll clobber you. 142 00:08:40,412 --> 00:08:43,210 Ooh, I'm all a-tremble. 143 00:08:43,315 --> 00:08:45,408 Hey, welcome to the club, gents. 144 00:08:45,517 --> 00:08:47,542 Can I check your hats and coats? 145 00:08:47,653 --> 00:08:50,451 - We don't seem to be wearing any. - I'll rent you some. Cheap. 146 00:08:50,556 --> 00:08:53,354 - Just the manic we were looking for. - Something for that dandruff? 147 00:08:53,459 --> 00:08:56,257 - We want to talk to you. - Are you interested in my one-cent sale? 148 00:08:56,362 --> 00:08:59,126 - I'm selling pennies a quarter each. - We want to talk to you. 149 00:08:59,231 --> 00:09:01,597 - All right. Talk fast. I'm on overtime. - This is Ham. 150 00:09:01,700 --> 00:09:05,500 We're hiding him from the Korean Conscription Unit. We need your special talents. 151 00:09:05,604 --> 00:09:08,505 - Now that's a worthy cause. - He needs a disguise. 152 00:09:08,607 --> 00:09:10,598 Ah. Stand up, kid. 153 00:09:10,709 --> 00:09:14,406 Size nine, junior miss. I got just the number. 154 00:09:14,513 --> 00:09:17,573 A peasant skirt and blouse. He'll look like a million bucks. 155 00:09:17,683 --> 00:09:19,674 - But it's yours for 75. - Seventy-five dollars? 156 00:09:19,785 --> 00:09:22,515 - That's with matching shoes and babushka. - Twenty. 157 00:09:22,621 --> 00:09:25,715 Deal. Now do me a favor. Smile. 158 00:09:25,824 --> 00:09:28,156 A little snapshot to memorialize... 159 00:09:28,260 --> 00:09:30,421 your beautiful evening on the town. 160 00:09:30,529 --> 00:09:32,520 That'll be nine dollars for the original. 161 00:09:32,631 --> 00:09:34,724 Duplicates two dollars each, four if they come out. 162 00:09:34,833 --> 00:09:38,064 - I don't want anybody to know I was in this place. - Wait a minute, guys. 163 00:09:38,170 --> 00:09:40,263 Hey, Klinger, you really wanna raise some money? 164 00:09:40,372 --> 00:09:43,102 Rent your nose to the army as a warehouse. 165 00:09:43,208 --> 00:09:45,802 I do believe he's taken that extra step. 166 00:09:45,911 --> 00:09:48,379 - Would you gentlemen excuse me? - Of course. 167 00:09:48,480 --> 00:09:49,947 [Yells] 168 00:09:50,048 --> 00:09:53,017 I knew you were riding today, sir, so I got this. 169 00:09:53,118 --> 00:09:55,518 - Thank you, son. - It's for Sophie. 170 00:09:55,621 --> 00:09:59,148 Oh. I'll wipe it off before I give it to her. 171 00:09:59,258 --> 00:10:01,783 Ah! A little flea market, eh, Klinger? 172 00:10:01,894 --> 00:10:04,624 No, sir. I cleaned every item personally. 173 00:10:04,730 --> 00:10:07,290 Wonderful choice, sir. That is very you. 174 00:10:07,399 --> 00:10:09,890 I can let you have that for a song... a $30 song. 175 00:10:10,002 --> 00:10:12,937 Don't even hum it. You're gonna need a pistol with those prices. 176 00:10:13,038 --> 00:10:15,404 Colonel, the more I earn, the bigger your bribe. 177 00:10:15,507 --> 00:10:18,203 - Give you a nickel for it. - Joke away, sir... 178 00:10:18,310 --> 00:10:20,778 but I'll be having the last laugh when you sign that discharge. 179 00:10:20,879 --> 00:10:24,280 - [Duck Squeaking] - Don't touch the merchandise unless you intend to buy. 180 00:10:24,383 --> 00:10:25,611 What's this? 181 00:10:25,717 --> 00:10:27,116 - A truss. - Oh, ick! 182 00:10:27,219 --> 00:10:30,120 Klinger, move your casbah out of my camp. 183 00:10:30,255 --> 00:10:33,486 All right. If you're low on cash, I'll open you a charge account. 184 00:10:33,592 --> 00:10:36,356 - Let's go, son. - I can have it deducted from your pay. 185 00:10:36,462 --> 00:10:38,589 - Who'd wanna buy a truss? - Never mind, Radar. 186 00:10:38,697 --> 00:10:40,597 Oh, my! 187 00:10:42,401 --> 00:10:44,301 Hey, what happened here? 188 00:10:44,403 --> 00:10:47,804 - Sophie! - Where is she? Holy cow! Sophie! 189 00:10:47,906 --> 00:10:50,739 - [Whistles] Come on, girl! - She must've bolted. 190 00:10:50,843 --> 00:10:52,743 She wouldn't leave you. Somebody took her! 191 00:10:52,845 --> 00:10:55,609 No. Nothing's been touched. All my riding gear's here. 192 00:10:55,714 --> 00:10:58,615 She was right here last night when I came out... 193 00:10:58,717 --> 00:11:03,120 Oh, no! I must've left the gate open! Oh, geez! It's my fault! 194 00:11:03,222 --> 00:11:06,089 - No, no, no, it isn't, son. - It is! Oh, yes, it is, sir. 195 00:11:06,191 --> 00:11:09,251 You can bust me to private, court-martial me, not talk to me... 196 00:11:09,361 --> 00:11:13,127 No, Radar, listen! I came out here last night to take a look at her. 197 00:11:13,232 --> 00:11:17,066 - It was my fault! I must've done it. - Oh, thank goodness! 198 00:11:17,169 --> 00:11:20,195 Whew! Oh, geez, I'm sorry, sir. I know you feel bad enough already. 199 00:11:20,305 --> 00:11:23,399 - Call "l" Corps, Radar. - Choppers! Good idea. We'll find her, sir. 200 00:11:23,509 --> 00:11:27,946 If Sophie's around here, I'm gonna find her. Sophie! 201 00:11:28,046 --> 00:11:30,173 Aw, Sophie. 202 00:11:33,399 --> 00:11:37,802 Yeah. She's got brown eyes, brown hair, yellow teeth... 203 00:11:37,904 --> 00:11:40,270 and her coat's brown too. 204 00:11:41,975 --> 00:11:45,467 Of course it's a horse! What do you think I've been talking about? 205 00:11:45,578 --> 00:11:49,639 Hey, listen. This is serious. She's out there, and you could hit her with one of your guns. 206 00:11:49,749 --> 00:11:52,843 So you better keep your eyes on your horizon, fella! Yeah. Thanks. 207 00:11:52,952 --> 00:11:55,682 Colonel, did ya see her? Did you find her? 208 00:11:55,788 --> 00:11:57,813 I guess you didn't find her, huh? 209 00:11:57,924 --> 00:11:59,824 Well, listen, sir. Don't worry. 210 00:11:59,926 --> 00:12:04,522 We'll look again tomorrow. Every unit in this sector is keepin' an eye open for her. 211 00:12:04,631 --> 00:12:07,065 One field spotter thought he spotted her in the field... 212 00:12:07,166 --> 00:12:09,293 but it was just another field spotter. 213 00:12:09,402 --> 00:12:11,802 We'll track her down eventually, sir. 214 00:12:11,905 --> 00:12:14,169 Sir? Don't give up hope, Colonel. 215 00:12:14,274 --> 00:12:17,209 There's no hope to give up, son. We looked everywhere. 216 00:12:17,310 --> 00:12:21,872 I don't know what happened or where she is, but I know where she isn't. 217 00:12:21,981 --> 00:12:24,006 Wanna join me? 218 00:12:24,117 --> 00:12:27,985 Oh, uh, no. That, uh... Sure. 219 00:12:28,087 --> 00:12:30,419 I'm gonna miss that girl. 220 00:12:30,523 --> 00:12:32,423 Oh, I know you are, sir. 221 00:12:32,525 --> 00:12:36,723 Every once in a while, a horseman comes across an animal that's special... 222 00:12:36,829 --> 00:12:39,923 one that knows you better than you know yourself. 223 00:12:40,033 --> 00:12:43,059 Sophie gave me a lot of pleasure... 224 00:12:43,169 --> 00:12:45,694 and I do believe she liked me. 225 00:12:45,805 --> 00:12:48,535 Oh, I know she did, sir. 226 00:12:48,641 --> 00:12:50,541 To absent friends. 227 00:12:55,214 --> 00:12:58,479 You know, we got... [Hiccups, Gasps] 228 00:12:58,584 --> 00:13:00,848 Easy, son. I don't want to lose you too. 229 00:13:00,987 --> 00:13:04,753 [Man On Speaker] Attention all personnel. Attention all personnel. 230 00:13:04,857 --> 00:13:08,918 The South Korean Mobile Army Recruiting Office has just entered the camp. 231 00:13:09,028 --> 00:13:10,928 Uncle Syngman wants you. 232 00:13:12,465 --> 00:13:15,832 - I cannot wear a dress. - It's either this or an R.O.K. Uniform. 233 00:13:15,935 --> 00:13:18,529 And you got about 12 seconds to make up your mind. 234 00:13:22,608 --> 00:13:25,133 No, here. Over here. 235 00:13:30,350 --> 00:13:32,250 [Knocking] 236 00:13:32,352 --> 00:13:34,752 - Yes? - Entrez. 237 00:13:34,854 --> 00:13:39,450 Good evening, gentlemen. Pardon the intrusion, but we are looking for escaped draftees. 238 00:13:39,559 --> 00:13:41,618 Don't worry about us. We've already been caught. 239 00:13:41,728 --> 00:13:44,219 Have you seen any such draftees? 240 00:13:44,330 --> 00:13:47,595 Gee, not that I know of. Do they have any distinguishing marks? 241 00:13:47,700 --> 00:13:50,567 Like fallen arches? Severe trembling? Self-inflicted wounds? 242 00:13:50,670 --> 00:13:55,698 You are funny man. A regular Bob Hope. 243 00:13:55,808 --> 00:14:00,711 But seriously, folks, the only draftees we get here arrive by ambulance. 244 00:14:00,813 --> 00:14:02,644 Interesting, huh? 245 00:14:02,749 --> 00:14:06,378 This is a model of an alcoholic's digestive system. 246 00:14:06,486 --> 00:14:08,647 - See, we're doctors. - [Snaps Fingers] 247 00:14:10,423 --> 00:14:14,325 - Who is this, please? - That's an associate of ours, Dr. Van Winkle. 248 00:14:14,427 --> 00:14:17,123 - He's sleeping off the war. - You wake him, please. 249 00:14:17,230 --> 00:14:21,564 - I'd love to, but he's got another 19 years to go. - I beg your pardon? 250 00:14:21,667 --> 00:14:25,763 Look. That's the surgeon we share this tent with, Major Winchester... 251 00:14:25,872 --> 00:14:27,931 and we're not disturbing him. 252 00:14:28,041 --> 00:14:29,941 He just came out of 25 hours of surgery. 253 00:14:30,043 --> 00:14:32,307 It took 40 minutes to pry the scalpel out of his hand. 254 00:14:32,412 --> 00:14:34,642 - You wake him, please. - Sorry, fella. 255 00:14:34,747 --> 00:14:37,648 You want him up, you gotta get a note from Col. Potter. 256 00:14:37,750 --> 00:14:40,583 [Speaking Korean] 257 00:14:40,686 --> 00:14:44,486 All right. Thank you for your cooperation. 258 00:14:44,590 --> 00:14:47,923 - Anytime. - Don't be strangers. 259 00:14:48,027 --> 00:14:52,760 Well, it's Korean roundup time. Yippee-yi-yo-ki-yay. 260 00:14:52,865 --> 00:14:55,425 Uh, get along, little doggie. Get along. 261 00:14:55,535 --> 00:14:57,435 Get along yourself. I live here. 262 00:14:57,537 --> 00:14:59,732 You live here? Who are you, sir? 263 00:14:59,839 --> 00:15:03,070 Well, not that it's any of your business, but I am Major Ch... 264 00:15:03,176 --> 00:15:05,701 Hello. Major Charles Emerson Win... 265 00:15:05,812 --> 00:15:08,872 - [Clearing Throat] - Winchester III! 266 00:15:08,981 --> 00:15:11,279 - He's lying! Get outta here, you liar! - What? 267 00:15:11,384 --> 00:15:13,375 If you are the surgeon Winchester... 268 00:15:13,486 --> 00:15:17,718 - "lf'? - Then who is that? 269 00:15:17,824 --> 00:15:21,692 - [Groans] - Thanks for stopping by. Your timing is perfect. 270 00:15:21,794 --> 00:15:26,561 Why, you lascivious boors. 271 00:15:26,666 --> 00:15:29,396 You, you creeps! 272 00:15:29,502 --> 00:15:33,734 How dare you bring one of your trollops in here and put her in my bed! 273 00:15:33,840 --> 00:15:38,140 I am sick of your collegiate capers. Remove this doxy immediately. 274 00:15:38,244 --> 00:15:42,408 - [Both Laughing] - Bob Hope. 275 00:15:42,515 --> 00:15:45,348 Now you've had your little joke. Now would you mind leaving? 276 00:15:45,451 --> 00:15:48,750 I knew you sly boots were hiding somebody. 277 00:15:48,855 --> 00:15:52,120 - Can't get one by you. - [Laughing] 278 00:15:52,225 --> 00:15:54,318 [Chattering] 279 00:15:54,427 --> 00:15:57,396 - Charles, you really came through for us. - Thank you, Charles. 280 00:15:57,497 --> 00:16:01,228 - You're entirely welcome. Get him out of my bed! - Shh, shh, shh! 281 00:16:03,669 --> 00:16:05,569 Sophie! 282 00:16:07,039 --> 00:16:09,269 Colonel Potter, it's Sophie! 283 00:16:09,375 --> 00:16:11,400 - Who is that guy? - [Radar] That's Cho pak. 284 00:16:11,511 --> 00:16:15,072 - [BJ.] The laundryman? - Yeah, but a long time ago he used to be a colonel. 285 00:16:15,181 --> 00:16:17,274 Very brave soldier. 286 00:16:17,383 --> 00:16:21,285 My grandfather tell me many times how he saved my village. 287 00:16:21,387 --> 00:16:24,948 Sophie! Who the hell is riding her? 288 00:16:25,057 --> 00:16:27,025 It's Mr. Pak. 289 00:16:27,126 --> 00:16:29,959 What are you doing on my horse? 290 00:16:30,062 --> 00:16:33,964 Do you mind telling me what in the blazes he's doing on my horse? 291 00:16:34,066 --> 00:16:37,263 Colonel, please do not be angry. My father means no harm. 292 00:16:37,370 --> 00:16:40,737 Neither do I. I don't understand. 293 00:16:40,840 --> 00:16:45,777 He wears his uniform... field colonel in army. 294 00:16:45,878 --> 00:16:48,369 Riding horse makes him forget humiliation... 295 00:16:48,481 --> 00:16:53,248 and remember days of glory when he was honored and respected as you are. 296 00:16:53,352 --> 00:16:56,082 I think I get the picture. 297 00:16:59,158 --> 00:17:01,888 Well, Sophie, you don't seem the worse for wear. 298 00:17:01,994 --> 00:17:04,155 In fact, I've never seen you look better. 299 00:17:04,263 --> 00:17:08,359 I will tell him to give back horse now. Very sorry. 300 00:17:10,636 --> 00:17:14,003 [Speaking Korean] 301 00:17:19,612 --> 00:17:22,103 [Continues In Korean] 302 00:17:30,022 --> 00:17:32,286 [Sighs] 303 00:17:38,831 --> 00:17:40,731 Thank you. 304 00:17:49,075 --> 00:17:50,975 Just a moment, please. 305 00:17:51,077 --> 00:17:54,979 [Korean] 306 00:18:00,386 --> 00:18:04,948 This horse means as much to me as any animal I've ever owned. 307 00:18:05,057 --> 00:18:07,685 But she means more to your father. 308 00:18:07,793 --> 00:18:11,456 - I would like him to have her. - No, you cannot... 309 00:18:11,564 --> 00:18:15,398 No. I want to. Tell your father. 310 00:18:19,071 --> 00:18:22,734 [Korean] 311 00:18:38,524 --> 00:18:41,015 Good-bye, girl. 312 00:18:41,127 --> 00:18:43,652 You take care of each other. 313 00:18:44,997 --> 00:18:46,897 Colonel very generous. 314 00:18:46,999 --> 00:18:50,765 My father never will forget, or will I. 315 00:19:10,089 --> 00:19:11,989 Colonel? 316 00:19:14,160 --> 00:19:17,789 Um, that's the best thing I ever saw anybody do, ever. 317 00:19:22,168 --> 00:19:24,068 I'll be in my tent. 318 00:19:31,010 --> 00:19:33,308 All right. I give up. What are you doing? 319 00:19:33,412 --> 00:19:35,403 If you're eloping, you forgot the girl. 320 00:19:35,514 --> 00:19:38,574 - I'm going to be with my friends where I belong. - With your friends? 321 00:19:38,684 --> 00:19:42,450 - In the army. - What brought this on? 322 00:19:42,555 --> 00:19:46,457 Cho Pak was brave soldier. Saved my people long time ago. 323 00:19:46,559 --> 00:19:49,426 Ham, wait a minute. You don't owe anybody anything. 324 00:19:49,528 --> 00:19:53,055 He wasn't afraid. He did not run away and leave his friends to fight. 325 00:19:53,165 --> 00:19:55,429 - I was wrong to run. - Oh, no, no, no, no. 326 00:19:55,534 --> 00:19:58,935 You're 16 years old. You got a right to grow up before they take you away. 327 00:19:59,038 --> 00:20:02,098 - Must go now. - Ham, you've lived right in the middle of this war. 328 00:20:02,208 --> 00:20:05,143 You know what it's like out there. 329 00:20:05,244 --> 00:20:07,144 Wait! Hey, wait a minute! 330 00:20:07,246 --> 00:20:10,545 - Damn it! - Look, let's call the M.P.s. 331 00:20:10,649 --> 00:20:13,243 They'll arrest him for trespassing, jaywalking, anything. 332 00:20:13,352 --> 00:20:15,547 - Maybe they can detain him... - Hawk, he's gone. 333 00:20:18,691 --> 00:20:20,784 Excuse me, sir. Are you busy? 334 00:20:20,893 --> 00:20:23,123 Since when would that make any difference? 335 00:20:23,229 --> 00:20:26,960 I just wanted to say, sir, that your gesture towards that old Korean gentleman... 336 00:20:27,066 --> 00:20:30,126 was the most generous act it's ever been my privilege to witness. 337 00:20:30,236 --> 00:20:34,002 And I was wondering if you received that envelope I slipped under your door. 338 00:20:34,106 --> 00:20:38,805 Sure did. A promissory note for $5,000. That's a big promise. 339 00:20:38,911 --> 00:20:42,813 Which I'm well on my way to keeping. You'll be able to fill that corral with horses. 340 00:20:42,915 --> 00:20:45,145 Then this is an official bribe? 341 00:20:45,251 --> 00:20:47,685 Yes, sir. Even notarized it myself. 342 00:20:47,787 --> 00:20:51,814 - Well, son, you better start packing. - Sir, I'm on my way. 343 00:20:51,924 --> 00:20:55,655 - Right. You're on your way to 20 work-filled years at Leavenworth. - What? 344 00:20:55,761 --> 00:20:59,026 That's the official army door prize for bribing an officer. 345 00:20:59,131 --> 00:21:02,931 - You're not serious, sir? - I'm not? Read the travel brochure. 346 00:21:03,035 --> 00:21:07,938 "Twenty years. Leavenworth." This is silly, sir. It's just a misunderstanding. 347 00:21:08,040 --> 00:21:10,770 I would never think of bribing an officer. 348 00:21:10,876 --> 00:21:13,037 How about 10 bucks to forget the whole thing? 349 00:21:13,145 --> 00:21:15,943 - Colonel? Sir, outside. You gotta come see this. - Just a minute, Radar. 350 00:21:16,048 --> 00:21:17,948 No, sir. Now, sir. Come quick. 351 00:21:18,050 --> 00:21:21,508 - When I get back, you and your 10 bucks better be gone. - We were never here, sir. 352 00:21:26,725 --> 00:21:30,491 - What's this? - Colonel, my father died during the night. 353 00:21:31,730 --> 00:21:35,632 His last hours the happiest ones because of you. 354 00:21:35,734 --> 00:21:40,364 He left with honor, with pride and with dignity. 355 00:21:46,345 --> 00:21:49,007 [Whinnying] 356 00:21:50,316 --> 00:21:52,341 Come on, Sophie. 357 00:21:56,255 --> 00:21:59,156 [Slurring] Hey, Sherman, old buddy! 358 00:21:59,258 --> 00:22:02,091 Park it right here. Park it right here. Let me buy you a drink. 359 00:22:02,194 --> 00:22:04,685 I appreciate it, son, but no thanks. 360 00:22:04,797 --> 00:22:07,698 Nonsense. I'm "liquordating" my corporation... 361 00:22:07,800 --> 00:22:11,463 and who deserves one more than the man who put me out of business? 362 00:22:11,570 --> 00:22:14,767 Klinger, I can feel your hook dangling under my nose. Pass. 363 00:22:14,874 --> 00:22:17,809 You got me all wrong, sir. 364 00:22:17,910 --> 00:22:21,175 This is pure kindness, 100 proof. 365 00:22:21,280 --> 00:22:23,373 I'll tell you what. Let me buy you one. 366 00:22:23,482 --> 00:22:26,474 Whatever you say. If that's what you want. 367 00:22:26,585 --> 00:22:30,851 Uh, Klinger, could you loan me that 10 bucks?