1
00:00:03,203 --> 00:00:05,569
Oh, that feels so good.

2
00:00:05,739 --> 00:00:09,607
Oh, lucky me.
Coffee and a live sex show.

3
00:00:09,909 --> 00:00:11,467
-l'm sorry, what?
-l'm sorry.

4
00:00:11,678 --> 00:00:15,239
-Nothing. l was just reading to Emma.
-From <i>Cosmo</i>?

5
00:00:17,283 --> 00:00:19,774
Yeah. Yeah, it's:

6
00:00:19,953 --> 00:00:22,945
''Climax Your Way to Better Skin.''

7
00:00:23,990 --> 00:00:27,289
So l have to go shopping today,
which is my least favorite thing.

8
00:00:27,460 --> 00:00:29,621
l'm so bad at picking out clothes.

9
00:00:29,796 --> 00:00:33,960
So you need someone who knows
fashion to tell you what looks good.

10
00:00:34,134 --> 00:00:36,159
Not me. Not me. Not me.

11
00:00:36,336 --> 00:00:39,100
-Oh, hey, Rach?
-Yeah?

12
00:00:39,739 --> 00:00:42,970
-Maybe you could take Charlie shopping?
-Oh, well....

13
00:00:43,143 --> 00:00:45,543
-l'm sure you have better things to do.
-You kidding?

14
00:00:45,745 --> 00:00:48,441
Rachel loves to shop,
and she has great taste.

15
00:00:48,615 --> 00:00:51,846
She's the one that taught me not
to wear white after Labor Day...

16
00:00:52,018 --> 00:00:56,512
...and to always, always, always put
on underwear when trying on clothes.

17
00:00:58,324 --> 00:01:01,020
lf you have the time,
l'd really appreciate the help.

18
00:01:01,194 --> 00:01:03,458
Okay. Yeah, let's shop.

19
00:01:03,630 --> 00:01:08,192
Okay, you are gonna come back
with some very classy clothes.

20
00:01:08,368 --> 00:01:10,632
And some slutty lingerie. Slutty!

21
00:01:12,372 --> 00:01:15,364
Okay, great. All right, bye.

22
00:01:15,542 --> 00:01:17,635
Pain in the ass!

23
00:01:17,844 --> 00:01:21,541
-That's off, right?
-What's the matter, Pheebs?

24
00:01:21,714 --> 00:01:25,844
Mike's sister just invited me to
a party tonight and he's gonna be there.

25
00:01:26,019 --> 00:01:30,547
She was like, ''Don't worry. l asked him
and he's totally okay with seeing you.''

26
00:01:30,723 --> 00:01:34,591
So now l have to go so he'll think
that l'm totally okay with seeing him.

27
00:01:34,761 --> 00:01:37,594
-Which you're not. You're hung up on him.
-Exactly.

28
00:01:37,764 --> 00:01:41,200
You want him to eat his heart out,
so you have to look fabulous.

29
00:01:41,367 --> 00:01:43,835
l didn't even think about that.

30
00:01:44,337 --> 00:01:46,532
Sexual politics!

31
00:01:47,040 --> 00:01:49,770
Pheebs, l'm taking Charlie shopping.

32
00:01:49,943 --> 00:01:53,140
-Come and l'll help you find something.
-That'd be great.

33
00:01:53,346 --> 00:01:58,875
Oh, isn't that nice? The three of you,
trying on slutty lingerie together.

34
00:01:59,819 --> 00:02:04,222
-That's not what we're gonna do.
-Why'd you ruin it? Who was l hurting?

35
00:02:55,808 --> 00:02:59,244
Fortunately, she has
a very pretty face.

36
00:03:03,550 --> 00:03:09,284
l still can't believe this. My uterus
is an inhospitable environment?

37
00:03:09,455 --> 00:03:12,185
l've always tried so hard
to be a good hostess.

38
00:03:13,092 --> 00:03:15,253
l can't believe my sperm
have low motility.

39
00:03:15,461 --> 00:03:20,091
While l was growing up, they sure
seemed to be in a hurry to get places.

40
00:03:20,733 --> 00:03:21,995
-Hi there.
-Hi.

41
00:03:22,168 --> 00:03:25,228
l'm sorry there wasn't better news
from your tests last week...

42
00:03:25,405 --> 00:03:28,169
...but l wanted to talk to you
about your options.

43
00:03:28,341 --> 00:03:29,365
Okay.

44
00:03:29,542 --> 00:03:33,603
Even though your chances of conceiving
through natural means aren't great...

45
00:03:33,780 --> 00:03:36,408
...you never know,
so keep having sex on a regular basis.

46
00:03:36,583 --> 00:03:38,608
Oh, damn it!

47
00:03:40,119 --> 00:03:43,919
Don't worry.
After a while, you'll tune it out.

48
00:03:44,591 --> 00:03:48,425
Given your situation, the options
with the greatest chances for success...

49
00:03:48,595 --> 00:03:52,656
...would be surrogacy
or insemination using a sperm donor.

50
00:03:55,768 --> 00:04:00,034
lf you feel that neither of those is
right for you, you could always adopt.

51
00:04:00,206 --> 00:04:01,867
ls that a hint?

52
00:04:02,041 --> 00:04:07,707
Because we love you, Dr. Connelly,
but we don't want you to be our child.

53
00:04:12,185 --> 00:04:15,018
Wow! Talk about
an inhospitable environment.

54
00:04:16,823 --> 00:04:21,123
Hi. Okay, you ready to go pick up
Phoebe and go shopping?

55
00:04:21,294 --> 00:04:23,922
-Let's do it.
-All right, have a good time.

56
00:04:24,430 --> 00:04:26,660
Not gonna find any clothes in there.

57
00:04:27,967 --> 00:04:29,195
-Hey, you guys.
-Hi.

58
00:04:29,369 --> 00:04:34,306
Guess who's up for keynote speaker
at the National Paleontology Conference?

59
00:04:34,474 --> 00:04:36,203
-Chris Bailey?
-Yeah, right.

60
00:04:36,376 --> 00:04:40,972
When was the last time he made
a submission deadline for an abstract?

61
00:04:44,884 --> 00:04:46,215
Why are you laughing?

62
00:04:46,386 --> 00:04:50,015
Just seeing what it'd be like
to be a paleontologist.

63
00:04:50,390 --> 00:04:51,823
lt's fun. Yeah.

64
00:04:52,992 --> 00:04:54,653
So you're up for keynote speaker?

65
00:04:54,827 --> 00:04:56,590
-Who's deciding?
-Professor Sherman.

66
00:04:56,763 --> 00:05:00,255
-l'm meeting with him today.
-He's a pretty tough guy to impress.

67
00:05:00,466 --> 00:05:02,559
l think l know how to dazzle him.

68
00:05:02,735 --> 00:05:06,694
You're not gonna to do
a magic trick, are you?

69
00:05:07,373 --> 00:05:09,068
No.

70
00:05:17,417 --> 00:05:19,942
-Hey, guys.
-l want to ask you something.

71
00:05:20,119 --> 00:05:23,350
l may get to speak
at this paleontology convention.

72
00:05:23,523 --> 00:05:26,959
lf l do, l'd love for you guys
to come and hear me.

73
00:05:27,126 --> 00:05:32,223
l think l can safely say that we all have
family issues, work and/or are sick.

74
00:05:33,700 --> 00:05:35,759
-lt's in Barbados.
-But you come first.

75
00:05:35,935 --> 00:05:37,425
l'm there.

76
00:05:37,804 --> 00:05:41,797
-l don't know Ross, l'm not feeling too--
-Barbados is in the Caribbean, Joe.

77
00:05:41,974 --> 00:05:43,771
Why didn't anybody say so?

78
00:05:45,011 --> 00:05:46,478
-See you later.
-Okay, bye.

79
00:05:46,646 --> 00:05:49,114
-Bye. See you.
-Bye.

80
00:05:51,117 --> 00:05:54,780
-So how did it go at the fertility clinic?
-Not as much fun as last time.

81
00:05:54,954 --> 00:05:58,412
Apparently, you only get porn
if you're giving a sperm sample.

82
00:05:59,659 --> 00:06:01,126
So, what did the doctor say?

83
00:06:01,294 --> 00:06:04,991
There's surrogacy, but Monica's dreamt
her whole life of carrying a child...

84
00:06:05,164 --> 00:06:09,100
...and she just felt that watching
a surrogate would be too hard for her.

85
00:06:09,268 --> 00:06:11,463
-So you're ruling out surrogacy?
-Yeah.

86
00:06:11,637 --> 00:06:13,628
So l don't have to learn
what that means?

87
00:06:14,941 --> 00:06:17,876
Aside from adoption, the only
other choice is insemination...

88
00:06:18,077 --> 00:06:20,102
...so we're talking about sperm donors.

89
00:06:20,279 --> 00:06:23,976
Enough said. l'm there for you, man.
Where is she, upstairs?

90
00:06:25,852 --> 00:06:29,288
Your long-standing offer to have sex
with my wife is appreciated.

91
00:06:29,455 --> 00:06:33,221
-But l think l'll pass.
-So how do you feel about all this?

92
00:06:33,393 --> 00:06:38,387
l wish there was an easier way for us
to have a child, but there isn't one.

93
00:06:38,798 --> 00:06:42,359
Come on, Ross, be a good guy.
Step up and do it.

94
00:06:43,503 --> 00:06:44,993
What?

95
00:06:47,006 --> 00:06:50,032
What?! No!
l'm not gonna give them Ben!

96
00:06:54,747 --> 00:06:59,275
The data we're receiving
from MRl scans and DNA testing...

97
00:06:59,452 --> 00:07:01,511
...of these fossils are staggering.

98
00:07:02,889 --> 00:07:06,086
l mean, we've been accepting
Leakey's dates as a given.

99
00:07:06,259 --> 00:07:09,353
But if they're off
by even a 1 00,000 years or so...

100
00:07:09,529 --> 00:07:13,363
...then you can just throw
most of our assumptions...

101
00:07:13,533 --> 00:07:15,797
...you know, right in the trash.

102
00:07:15,968 --> 00:07:20,064
So, what l'm saying is....

103
00:07:20,339 --> 00:07:22,068
ls that....

104
00:07:22,375 --> 00:07:27,074
ls that repercussions could be huge.

105
00:07:27,246 --> 00:07:30,977
l mean, not just in paleontology,
but if you think about it...

106
00:07:31,150 --> 00:07:35,382
...in evolutionary biology,
genetics, geology.

107
00:07:35,555 --> 00:07:38,149
l mean, truly, the mind boggles.

108
00:07:42,161 --> 00:07:44,652
Well, that's not what you want.

109
00:07:49,635 --> 00:07:52,229
-lncentive for Men?
-l'll take some of that.

110
00:07:52,405 --> 00:07:54,066
-Pheebs, that's for men.
-l know.

111
00:07:54,240 --> 00:07:55,832
When l go to the party later...

112
00:07:56,008 --> 00:08:00,001
...Mike will know l'm over him
because l'll smell like another guy.

113
00:08:02,315 --> 00:08:03,543
Okay.

114
00:08:03,916 --> 00:08:07,010
Oh, good, l'm dating
a Russian cabdriver.

115
00:08:07,753 --> 00:08:11,450
Seriously, does anyone buy this?
l smell like beets.

116
00:08:13,659 --> 00:08:18,028
l really like those jackets with the
shoulder pads in them. Where are those?

117
00:08:18,197 --> 00:08:21,428
On Melanie Griffith in <i>Working Girl</i>.

118
00:08:22,635 --> 00:08:25,297
l think what you want is over here.

119
00:08:25,638 --> 00:08:28,300
See, l told you l needed someone.

120
00:08:28,474 --> 00:08:31,841
By the way, as a thank you,
l would really love to take you out.

121
00:08:32,011 --> 00:08:35,276
-Really?
-Joey and l are going to a movie tonight.

122
00:08:35,448 --> 00:08:37,678
-You want to come?
-Oh, l can't.

123
00:08:38,317 --> 00:08:40,842
Because l've seen them.

124
00:08:43,122 --> 00:08:45,556
You've seen all the movies?

125
00:08:45,725 --> 00:08:49,024
Yeah. l'm a big fan.

126
00:08:49,328 --> 00:08:50,659
Of the movies.

127
00:08:50,830 --> 00:08:52,957
You know, motion pictures.

128
00:08:53,132 --> 00:08:54,497
The talkies.

129
00:08:56,502 --> 00:08:58,902
Rach, will you come with me
to a dressing room?

130
00:08:59,071 --> 00:09:00,129
-Sure.
-Okay.

131
00:09:00,306 --> 00:09:02,206
Maybe we could do something else.

132
00:09:02,375 --> 00:09:06,835
You know, that depends on what it is.
l've done a lot of stuff.

133
00:09:15,788 --> 00:09:18,985
So, what were you doing out there?
Do you not like Charlie?

134
00:09:19,158 --> 00:09:23,094
She's okay. l don't know, l just don't
get a really good vibe from her.

135
00:09:23,262 --> 00:09:25,594
-Why?
-l don't know.

136
00:09:25,765 --> 00:09:30,896
You know, just the way
she waltzed in here all smart...

137
00:09:31,237 --> 00:09:32,727
...and tall, you know...

138
00:09:32,905 --> 00:09:36,397
...and just swept Joey off his feet.
Nobody else has a chance.

139
00:09:36,909 --> 00:09:40,640
-Who else?
-Anybody.

140
00:09:40,913 --> 00:09:43,780
You. Me.

141
00:09:44,016 --> 00:09:46,280
You know, Monica's mom.

142
00:09:48,588 --> 00:09:50,078
You like Joey?!

143
00:09:50,256 --> 00:09:51,484
Phoebe!

144
00:09:51,657 --> 00:09:55,889
All right, look, l do.
l have a little thing for him. Just--

145
00:09:56,662 --> 00:09:58,687
-Oh, my God.
-lt's just physical.

146
00:09:58,864 --> 00:10:03,301
l have it totally under control, okay?
lt's just when l see them together...

147
00:10:03,502 --> 00:10:06,630
...sometimes, l just get a little jealous.

148
00:10:06,806 --> 00:10:10,469
Wow. lsn't that ironic
that he liked you, and now you like--?

149
00:10:10,643 --> 00:10:12,133
l get it!

150
00:10:13,412 --> 00:10:15,573
All right, as long
as it's under control.

151
00:10:15,748 --> 00:10:18,774
You can't do anything about it.
He's already dating her.

152
00:10:18,951 --> 00:10:21,419
She is a nice person.
That wouldn't be right.

153
00:10:21,587 --> 00:10:24,112
l know, l know.
So it's just not a big deal.

154
00:10:24,290 --> 00:10:26,554
-So can we keep this between us?
-Sure.

155
00:10:26,726 --> 00:10:30,822
Great, because l gotta get out of here.
The smell of beets is killing me.

156
00:10:36,569 --> 00:10:39,936
Any chance Charlie has a deaf twin?

157
00:10:45,311 --> 00:10:46,505
-Hi, honey.
-Hey.

158
00:10:46,679 --> 00:10:49,739
l brought a friend home for dinner.
This is Zack from work.

159
00:10:49,915 --> 00:10:53,214
Oh, of course. lt's so nice
to see you again, Zack.

160
00:10:53,386 --> 00:10:56,048
-You too.
-You guys haven't actually met before.

161
00:10:56,222 --> 00:10:58,087
But, boy, you're both polite.

162
00:10:58,257 --> 00:11:00,248
Have a seat. l'll get you a beer.

163
00:11:00,426 --> 00:11:01,723
-l got it.
-Thanks.

164
00:11:05,264 --> 00:11:09,030
-So Zack's pretty nice, huh?
-Yeah, l guess.

165
00:11:09,669 --> 00:11:13,298
So how would you like to have a baby
that's half yours and half his?

166
00:11:17,243 --> 00:11:18,301
Excuse me?

167
00:11:18,477 --> 00:11:21,935
We're talking about sperm donors,
and Zack may be the guy.

168
00:11:22,114 --> 00:11:27,142
Look. He's intelligent, he's healthy,
he's athletic. l mean, he's sperm-tastic!

169
00:11:29,288 --> 00:11:33,054
Chandler, this is crazy.
Well, what did you even say to him?

170
00:11:33,225 --> 00:11:36,524
''Come up. Meet my wife.
Give us your sperm.''

171
00:11:37,163 --> 00:11:40,394
l invited him to dinner so you'd get
a chance to get to know him.

172
00:11:40,599 --> 00:11:43,830
With a sperm bank, you never
meet the guy, get to check him out.

173
00:11:44,003 --> 00:11:46,403
-Chandler!
-l'm telling you, he's great.

174
00:11:46,605 --> 00:11:50,735
l mean, even if my sperm worked fine,
l think he'd be the way to go.

175
00:11:52,178 --> 00:11:54,203
l'm not going to be a part of this.

176
00:11:54,380 --> 00:11:58,714
You can't bring some random guy home
and expect him to be our sperm donor.

177
00:11:58,884 --> 00:12:00,715
Okay.

178
00:12:01,921 --> 00:12:03,616
-Zack?
-Thanks.

179
00:12:04,223 --> 00:12:07,158
Do you have a coaster?
l don't want to make a ring.

180
00:12:07,326 --> 00:12:09,487
Tell me about yourself, Zack.

181
00:12:12,732 --> 00:12:16,327
Oh, God, do you think she heard?
lt'd be so bad if she heard.

182
00:12:16,502 --> 00:12:20,563
Maybe she didn't hear. l'll go into that
dressing room and talk. You stay here.

183
00:12:20,740 --> 00:12:22,708
-See if you can hear me.
-Okay, great.

184
00:12:25,611 --> 00:12:28,910
Oh, thank God,
l can't hear a word that you're saying.

185
00:12:29,081 --> 00:12:33,711
-l didn't say anything yet.
-Well, get back in there and talk.

186
00:12:35,054 --> 00:12:36,078
l'm Rachel.

187
00:12:36,255 --> 00:12:40,055
lt's so annoying when l put Emma
on the phone to talk with my friends.

188
00:12:40,493 --> 00:12:42,188
What?

189
00:12:42,361 --> 00:12:45,125
Well, some things are just hard
to say to your face.

190
00:12:46,599 --> 00:12:50,626
Okay, well, l heard that.
Which means that she heard it too.

191
00:12:51,103 --> 00:12:54,766
-We have a problem.
-Oh, what are we gonna do?

192
00:12:54,940 --> 00:12:56,771
Just be honest with her.

193
00:12:57,209 --> 00:12:58,733
Oh, my God!

194
00:12:58,911 --> 00:13:01,243
lt is annoying when parents
put babies on the phone.

195
00:13:01,413 --> 00:13:03,404
All right, enough out of you!

196
00:13:06,318 --> 00:13:07,876
Thank you.

197
00:13:14,193 --> 00:13:17,890
Where did l go wrong? This is good stuff.

198
00:13:26,071 --> 00:13:29,837
-Hello?
-l need to talk to Charlie. ls she there?

199
00:13:30,009 --> 00:13:32,773
No, she went shopping with Rachel.
Why? What's up?

200
00:13:32,945 --> 00:13:36,904
l'm meeting with Professor Sherman
about my being the keynote speaker.

201
00:13:37,082 --> 00:13:39,448
-How's it going?
-lt could be better.

202
00:13:42,254 --> 00:13:43,744
He fell asleep.

203
00:13:43,923 --> 00:13:46,915
What? But l already bought
my ticket to Bermuda!

204
00:13:48,360 --> 00:13:51,124
-Barbados.
-Fine, l'll rent a car and drive.

205
00:13:52,865 --> 00:13:54,492
You have to get that job.

206
00:13:54,667 --> 00:13:56,965
What am l supposed to do?
He's out cold.

207
00:13:57,136 --> 00:13:59,832
ln fact, he was just talking
in his sleep before...

208
00:14:00,005 --> 00:14:04,374
...and evidently he wants someone
named Fran to ''spank him harder.''

209
00:14:05,511 --> 00:14:07,843
-Well, just wake him up.
-l can't.

210
00:14:08,013 --> 00:14:12,575
lf he realizes that l'm the one who
put him to sleep, l won't get the job.

211
00:14:12,751 --> 00:14:13,945
<i>That's a tough one.</i>

212
00:14:14,119 --> 00:14:17,145
Oh, wait a minute.
This happened to me before.

213
00:14:17,323 --> 00:14:22,556
Yeah, l was auditioning for a play,
and the producer fell asleep. l--

214
00:14:22,728 --> 00:14:24,855
No, wait a minute.

215
00:14:25,030 --> 00:14:26,588
lt was me who fell asleep.

216
00:14:27,499 --> 00:14:31,663
l mean, hey, Shakespeare, how about
a chase scene once in a while?

217
00:14:34,773 --> 00:14:38,334
-Hey, guys, dinner's ready.
-l'm gonna go wash up first.

218
00:14:38,510 --> 00:14:39,977
Thanks.

219
00:14:42,615 --> 00:14:47,382
What do you think? l want his genes
for my kid. Those eyes, those cheekbones.

220
00:14:47,786 --> 00:14:51,119
Okay, there's enthusiastic,
and there's just plain gay.

221
00:14:53,092 --> 00:14:55,424
-You don't like him.
-l think he's fine.

222
00:14:55,594 --> 00:14:57,858
But we don't know
anything real about him.

223
00:14:58,030 --> 00:15:02,364
-l wish we could get more information.
-All right, just follow my lead.

224
00:15:03,135 --> 00:15:06,696
-You guys have a great place here.
-Thanks. l'm crazy about our place.

225
00:15:06,872 --> 00:15:08,635
Hey, speaking of crazy...

226
00:15:10,276 --> 00:15:13,768
...do you have a history
of mental illness in the family?

227
00:15:14,546 --> 00:15:19,313
No. Although, l did have an uncle
who voted for Dukakis.

228
00:15:19,919 --> 00:15:22,911
That's really not the kind of thing
we're looking for.

229
00:15:24,556 --> 00:15:26,524
Okay.

230
00:15:26,825 --> 00:15:29,794
So tell me, how'd you guys meet?

231
00:15:29,962 --> 00:15:33,261
Oh, friends first, drunk in London,
you know the story.

232
00:15:33,432 --> 00:15:35,127
l've got a better question for you:

233
00:15:35,634 --> 00:15:38,831
Do you or any of your blood relatives
have diabetes?

234
00:15:41,106 --> 00:15:42,334
No.

235
00:15:42,741 --> 00:15:46,302
Heart disease? Alzheimer's? Gout?

236
00:15:48,614 --> 00:15:51,344
You guys don't have people
for dinner a lot, huh?

237
00:15:51,850 --> 00:15:53,909
We're just making conversation.

238
00:15:54,086 --> 00:15:57,522
Yeah, well, okay.
l heard a joke today. lt's pretty funny.

239
00:15:57,690 --> 00:16:00,454
You know what's not funny?
Male pattern baldness.

240
00:16:04,330 --> 00:16:07,822
You guys have shown a lot of interest
in me tonight, and l'm flattered...

241
00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:10,298
...and quite frankly, a little frightened.

242
00:16:10,869 --> 00:16:12,769
Can we just talk about something else?

243
00:16:12,938 --> 00:16:14,337
-Sure.
-All right.

244
00:16:15,140 --> 00:16:16,368
This ravioli's delicious.

245
00:16:16,608 --> 00:16:20,806
l notice you're enjoying that ravioli
with a beautiful set of teeth.

246
00:16:20,980 --> 00:16:22,845
Did you have braces as a child?

247
00:16:23,115 --> 00:16:25,481
-No, l didn't.
-Yes!

248
00:16:28,520 --> 00:16:31,011
We're teeth people, Zack.

249
00:16:36,028 --> 00:16:39,520
Let's just do it. Let's just go
over there and see if she heard.

250
00:16:39,698 --> 00:16:41,427
-Good plan.
-Okay.

251
00:16:41,867 --> 00:16:45,530
-What? Where are you going?
-Oh, l'm sorry, Rachel.

252
00:16:45,704 --> 00:16:49,037
l don't have time
for your childish games, okay?

253
00:16:49,208 --> 00:16:51,642
l still have to find something
incredible to wear...

254
00:16:51,810 --> 00:16:54,973
...so l can beat Mike
at ''Who's More Over Who'' !

255
00:17:01,653 --> 00:17:04,087
-Where have you been?
-Trying on clothes.

256
00:17:04,256 --> 00:17:09,091
Oh, really? ln the dressing room?
Well, that's so weird.

257
00:17:09,261 --> 00:17:14,528
Phoebe and l were in the dressing room.
Gosh, it's just such a small world.

258
00:17:14,700 --> 00:17:17,225
Rachel, l heard you
two guys whispering.

259
00:17:17,403 --> 00:17:20,531
Oh, God, you did, you heard.
Okay, look, let me explain.

260
00:17:20,706 --> 00:17:22,697
There's nothing to explain.
l heard you.

261
00:17:22,875 --> 00:17:24,866
Phoebe likes Joey.

262
00:17:29,181 --> 00:17:30,876
Yeah.

263
00:17:32,284 --> 00:17:35,082
l don't understand it.
l mean, Phoebe likes Joey...

264
00:17:35,254 --> 00:17:38,189
...and then she's here to buy a dress
to impress another guy?

265
00:17:38,357 --> 00:17:43,158
Yeah, that's Phoebe. That's Phoebe.
You know, she just wants them all.

266
00:17:43,328 --> 00:17:46,195
lt's, like, she's nympho.

267
00:17:47,733 --> 00:17:49,030
-Wow!
-Yeah.

268
00:17:49,201 --> 00:17:53,035
You know, by the way, l heard you
tell her not to do anything.

269
00:17:53,205 --> 00:17:57,539
Thanks for sticking up for me.
God, you are such a nice person.

270
00:17:58,777 --> 00:18:00,768
l try.

271
00:18:37,916 --> 00:18:42,979
Oh, my God, you really want me
to be the keynote speaker?

272
00:18:43,822 --> 00:18:45,619
Thank you!

273
00:18:47,893 --> 00:18:49,588
You're welcome.

274
00:19:02,274 --> 00:19:04,265
Wow! You look...

275
00:19:05,210 --> 00:19:07,440
...stop-eating hot!

276
00:19:09,014 --> 00:19:11,744
Which is like the highest level
of hotness.

277
00:19:11,917 --> 00:19:16,251
Okay, are you sure? Because l am
really dreading going to this party.

278
00:19:16,421 --> 00:19:17,445
Then don't go.

279
00:19:17,623 --> 00:19:21,354
Mike knows l'm coming. lf l don't show up,
he'll think it's because of him...

280
00:19:21,527 --> 00:19:26,328
...and then l'm gonna lose face.
That's a very serious thing in my culture.

281
00:19:27,366 --> 00:19:31,962
All right, then you go to that party,
and you pretend to be over Mike.

282
00:19:32,137 --> 00:19:35,664
Afterward, you come to my place
and l'll get you good and drunk.

283
00:19:35,841 --> 00:19:37,604
You got it. Okay.

284
00:19:37,776 --> 00:19:40,301
But not on the wine
that you made, okay?

285
00:19:40,479 --> 00:19:44,381
Because l just don't want to go back
to the emergency room.

286
00:19:47,619 --> 00:19:50,452
l'm sorry,
l don't seem to have enough cash.

287
00:19:50,956 --> 00:19:52,583
You would accept rubles, would you?

288
00:19:52,758 --> 00:19:57,161
This is a hundred-thousand-ruble note,
which is worth approximately...

289
00:19:57,329 --> 00:19:59,092
...nothing.

290
00:20:00,866 --> 00:20:03,300
-David?
-Phoebe! Hi.

291
00:20:03,468 --> 00:20:05,902
-Oh, my God!
-Hi.

292
00:20:06,572 --> 00:20:08,904
Wow! You look unbelievable.

293
00:20:09,074 --> 00:20:10,803
Oh, yeah, well....

294
00:20:13,078 --> 00:20:14,443
What are you doing here?

295
00:20:14,613 --> 00:20:17,582
Well, l'm back from Minsk.
Permanently.

296
00:20:17,749 --> 00:20:18,943
Well, what happened?

297
00:20:19,117 --> 00:20:20,948
Remember how l was trying
to achieve...

298
00:20:21,119 --> 00:20:23,986
...the positronic distillation
of subatomic particles?

299
00:20:24,156 --> 00:20:25,623
Yeah.

300
00:20:25,791 --> 00:20:29,318
Well, after eight years of research,
l discovered...

301
00:20:29,494 --> 00:20:31,985
...that it can't be done.

302
00:20:32,364 --> 00:20:33,831
-Oh, l'm sorry.
-lt's all right.

303
00:20:33,999 --> 00:20:36,331
This kind of thing happens
all the time in science.

304
00:20:36,501 --> 00:20:40,801
To people who base eight years of research
on a typo in a scientific journal.

305
00:20:41,373 --> 00:20:42,601
Well...

306
00:20:43,308 --> 00:20:46,004
...great that you're back. How are you?

307
00:20:46,178 --> 00:20:48,078
-Good. Good. Life is good.
-Good.

308
00:20:48,247 --> 00:20:50,613
Well, l'm seeing someone.

309
00:20:52,317 --> 00:20:53,807
-Good for you.
-Yeah.

310
00:20:53,986 --> 00:20:58,355
She's also a scientist,
so she's very smart and pretty and....

311
00:20:58,557 --> 00:21:00,991
lt's actually because of you
that we're together.

312
00:21:01,159 --> 00:21:04,026
l mean, l saw what you had
with that Mike guy...

313
00:21:04,196 --> 00:21:06,289
...and l just said, ''Boy, l want that.''

314
00:21:06,932 --> 00:21:09,799
-Mike and l broke up.
-You're kidding me.

315
00:21:09,968 --> 00:21:14,098
Because l'm not seeing anybody.
l just totally made that up.

316
00:21:14,273 --> 00:21:16,298
-Really?
-l don't know why, l'm sorry.

317
00:21:16,475 --> 00:21:19,103
l guess l just didn't want
to lose face.

318
00:21:19,378 --> 00:21:21,505
l understand.

319
00:21:21,947 --> 00:21:25,110
Yeah. Okay. So then, okay....

320
00:21:25,284 --> 00:21:29,186
So we're both living in New York,
not seeing anyone.

321
00:21:29,354 --> 00:21:31,618
-That's so not like us.
-Yeah, l know.

322
00:21:31,790 --> 00:21:36,318
Well, this is probably a stupid question,
seeing that you look like that...

323
00:21:36,495 --> 00:21:39,362
...but do you have someplace
that you need to be right now?

324
00:21:39,531 --> 00:21:41,055
Well....

325
00:21:41,867 --> 00:21:43,494
No.

326
00:21:44,803 --> 00:21:47,829
-Well, do you want to get a drink?
-l'd love to.

327
00:21:48,006 --> 00:21:49,974
-Great.
-Okay.

328
00:21:52,811 --> 00:21:54,972
Do you smell beets?

329
00:21:55,147 --> 00:21:57,877
All right, stay upwind of me.

330
00:22:00,118 --> 00:22:03,849
Hey, there's Phoebe.
ls that Mike she's with?

331
00:22:04,389 --> 00:22:06,550
No, that's David.

332
00:22:06,725 --> 00:22:09,489
There's a third guy?

333
00:22:09,928 --> 00:22:13,159
Tip of the iceberg.

334
00:22:15,934 --> 00:22:17,424
l'm gonna take off now.

335
00:22:17,636 --> 00:22:20,161
You're gonna let me go home,
aren't you?

336
00:22:20,639 --> 00:22:22,698
Sure you don't want to stay
a little longer?

337
00:22:22,874 --> 00:22:25,001
No, l should get home.
l'm kind of tired.

338
00:22:25,177 --> 00:22:26,872
Are you always tired?

339
00:22:27,045 --> 00:22:29,912
Because that could be
a sign of clinical depression.

340
00:22:30,582 --> 00:22:34,382
No, it's tiring to figure out the age
at which all my grandparents died.

341
00:22:36,355 --> 00:22:38,346
-l'll see you tomorrow.
-Okay.

342
00:22:38,523 --> 00:22:40,150
Bye.

343
00:22:41,026 --> 00:22:43,187
l think we found our sperm.

344
00:22:44,196 --> 00:22:45,720
He does seem pretty perfect.

345
00:22:45,897 --> 00:22:48,263
Yeah? You think so?
Should l ask him?

346
00:22:50,936 --> 00:22:51,960
No.

347
00:22:52,170 --> 00:22:54,764
Why not? Just because his
great-grandmother was obese?

348
00:22:54,940 --> 00:22:57,602
Our kid's gonna get that
from you anyway.

349
00:22:59,911 --> 00:23:01,936
No, that's not it.

350
00:23:02,114 --> 00:23:06,574
lt's just that when we were asking him
all those questions before...

351
00:23:06,752 --> 00:23:11,655
...l just realized l don't care if he
is the most perfect guy in the world.

352
00:23:11,823 --> 00:23:15,486
-He's not you.
-Yeah, he's better!

353
00:23:17,129 --> 00:23:19,324
No, he's not.

354
00:23:19,498 --> 00:23:23,832
lf l can't get pregnant with you, then
l don't want to get pregnant by him...

355
00:23:24,002 --> 00:23:25,594
...or anyone else.

356
00:23:26,972 --> 00:23:30,464
-Really? Are you sure?
-Yeah, l'm sure.

357
00:23:30,642 --> 00:23:33,076
Thank God, because l
don't wanna do this either.

358
00:23:33,245 --> 00:23:36,442
l was just doing it because l thought
that was what you wanted.

359
00:23:36,615 --> 00:23:40,210
l'm the husband.
l'm supposed to bring the sperm.

360
00:23:41,319 --> 00:23:42,946
That is so sweet.

361
00:23:43,855 --> 00:23:45,220
l love you.

362
00:23:48,827 --> 00:23:50,954
So you know this leaves us with....

363
00:23:51,630 --> 00:23:53,427
Adoption.

364
00:23:53,732 --> 00:23:55,461
How do you feel about that?

365
00:23:56,935 --> 00:23:59,529
l think l feel okay about it.

366
00:23:59,938 --> 00:24:03,374
Actually, l think l feel
really good about it.

367
00:24:04,476 --> 00:24:05,966
Me too.

368
00:24:06,144 --> 00:24:10,478
l wanna find a baby that needs a home,
and l wanna raise it with you.

369
00:24:10,649 --> 00:24:14,346
And l wanna mess it up
in our own specific way.

370
00:24:16,021 --> 00:24:19,388
So this is it?
We're really gonna adopt?

371
00:24:20,091 --> 00:24:21,456
Yeah.

372
00:24:21,960 --> 00:24:26,226
-Oh, my God! We're gonna be parents!
-We are gonna be great parents.

373
00:24:26,398 --> 00:24:27,660
And it could be soon.

374
00:24:27,833 --> 00:24:30,996
l mean, think about it.
Right now, somewhere out there...

375
00:24:31,403 --> 00:24:33,837
...our baby could be being conceived.

376
00:24:34,005 --> 00:24:38,533
Wait. lf we're lucky,
and we're really, really, really quiet...

377
00:24:38,710 --> 00:24:42,373
...we may be able to hear
the sound of a condom breaking.

378
00:24:48,053 --> 00:24:49,145
Hey, Zack.

379
00:24:49,321 --> 00:24:51,482
Hey, Chandler.

380
00:24:51,656 --> 00:24:53,487
l wanted to apologize for last night.

381
00:24:53,658 --> 00:24:56,024
l got the feeling
we made you uncomfortable.

382
00:24:56,194 --> 00:24:57,354
-No, you didn't.
-Really?

383
00:24:57,529 --> 00:24:59,224
No, you did.

384
00:24:59,397 --> 00:25:02,059
My wife and l have
some boundary issues.

385
00:25:02,267 --> 00:25:04,360
Sometimes we ask
inappropriate questions.

386
00:25:04,536 --> 00:25:06,128
We're working on it.

387
00:25:06,304 --> 00:25:09,637
-Here are the boards for Friday's pitch.
-Thank you.

388
00:25:11,877 --> 00:25:15,574
You wouldn't know if Jeanette's planning
on keeping her baby, would you?

389
00:25:18,717 --> 00:25:20,708
[ENGLlSH]