1
00:00:03,069 --> 00:00:06,835
lt's so weird. How did Joey
end up kissing Charlie last night?

2
00:00:07,007 --> 00:00:11,171
-l thought you'd end up kissing Charlie.
-l thought l'd end up kissing Charlie too.

3
00:00:11,344 --> 00:00:13,175
But surprise!

4
00:00:14,414 --> 00:00:16,882
l missed most of the party.

5
00:00:17,050 --> 00:00:18,449
Charlie's a girl, right?

6
00:00:19,586 --> 00:00:24,023
Yeah, she's this new professor
in my department that l did not kiss.

7
00:00:24,557 --> 00:00:28,926
l don't know why Joey had to kiss her.
Of all the girls at the party, God!

8
00:00:30,263 --> 00:00:34,393
-Why do you care so much?
-Yes, Rachel. Why do you care so much?

9
00:00:37,537 --> 00:00:42,372
Because Ross is the father of my child.

10
00:00:42,542 --> 00:00:46,740
You know, and l want him
to hook up with lots of women.

11
00:00:47,180 --> 00:00:52,049
All l'm saying is, l don't think that Joey
and Charlie have anything in common.

12
00:00:52,218 --> 00:00:56,382
l don't know. They seemed to have
a shared interest in each other's tonsils.

13
00:00:56,823 --> 00:01:01,260
Wow. Joey and a professor.
Can you imagine if they had kids?

14
00:01:01,428 --> 00:01:03,896
And if the kids got her intelligence...

15
00:01:04,064 --> 00:01:07,056
...and Joey's raw sexual magnetism...

16
00:01:07,233 --> 00:01:09,633
...those nerds would get laid!

17
00:01:11,504 --> 00:01:14,940
All right. So, Ross, you're
okay with all this? l mean....

18
00:01:15,108 --> 00:01:18,202
lt's no big deal.
l just met her. l'm fine with it.

19
00:01:21,281 --> 00:01:23,909
God, l forgot how hot she was.

20
00:01:24,617 --> 00:01:26,881
l'm gonna get some more coffee.

21
00:01:27,053 --> 00:01:29,988
-Oh, you know, l'll come with you.
-Okay.

22
00:01:31,057 --> 00:01:35,460
-So a professor, huh?
-Yeah. She is cool. And she's so smart.

23
00:01:35,628 --> 00:01:38,495
Her mind is totally acrimonious.

24
00:01:44,003 --> 00:01:46,733
Guess that's not how she used it.

25
00:01:48,641 --> 00:01:51,132
l feel like l owe you an explanation.

26
00:01:51,311 --> 00:01:55,304
l don't ordinarily go around
kissing guys at parties.

27
00:01:55,482 --> 00:01:56,949
l'm....

28
00:01:57,484 --> 00:02:01,511
Well, l'm kind of embarrassed.
l really hope you don't think less of me.

29
00:02:01,721 --> 00:02:04,246
Think less of you? No.
l don't think less of you.

30
00:02:04,424 --> 00:02:07,257
l mean, you saw someone you liked
and you kissed them.

31
00:02:07,427 --> 00:02:10,794
Those people who like someone
and don't kiss them...

32
00:02:10,964 --> 00:02:14,798
...those people are stupid.
l hate those people.

33
00:02:15,235 --> 00:02:17,294
Actually, l'm a little surprised at myself.

34
00:02:17,470 --> 00:02:20,667
l mean, Joey's so different
from the guys l usually date.

35
00:02:20,840 --> 00:02:24,003
They're all professors, intellectuals.
Paleontologists mostly.

36
00:02:24,177 --> 00:02:27,146
-You know, very cerebral--
-Yeah, l know the type.

37
00:02:27,547 --> 00:02:31,984
lf we want to grab a bite before work,
we'd better get acrimonious.

38
00:02:34,287 --> 00:02:37,256
No? Am l getting close?

39
00:03:28,942 --> 00:03:29,966
-Hey!
-Hi.

40
00:03:30,176 --> 00:03:32,610
Hey, you guys.
Look what l just got.

41
00:03:33,947 --> 00:03:37,144
Oh, wow! l love those!
Where did you get them?

42
00:03:37,317 --> 00:03:42,254
l bought them off eBay. They used
to belong to the late Shania Twain.

43
00:03:45,258 --> 00:03:47,692
Phoebe, Shania Twain is still alive.

44
00:03:48,628 --> 00:03:50,459
Oh, then l overpaid.

45
00:03:53,233 --> 00:03:54,427
Hey, what's this?

46
00:03:54,601 --> 00:03:57,729
Oh, it's a gift certificate
to this new spa in SoHo.

47
00:03:57,904 --> 00:04:01,670
You can't show Phoebe this.
She hates those corporate massage chains.

48
00:04:02,242 --> 00:04:04,437
What, now l can't get a massage?

49
00:04:04,611 --> 00:04:07,978
There are so many things
that she disapproves of.

50
00:04:08,147 --> 00:04:11,275
l can't eat veal. l can't wear fur.

51
00:04:11,451 --> 00:04:13,851
l can't go hunting.

52
00:04:14,854 --> 00:04:18,312
-Do you want to go hunting?
-l would like to have the option.

53
00:04:20,426 --> 00:04:23,122
What's that? Hey, Rachel?

54
00:04:23,296 --> 00:04:25,025
No, you can't go there!

55
00:04:25,198 --> 00:04:27,792
You know how l feel about
these big massage places.

56
00:04:27,967 --> 00:04:30,435
They're putting people like me
out of business.

57
00:04:30,603 --> 00:04:32,901
She wants to go hunting too!

58
00:04:36,542 --> 00:04:38,635
Phoebe, come on,
l don't want to waste it.

59
00:04:38,811 --> 00:04:41,041
lt would be like throwing
away 1 00 bucks.

60
00:04:41,214 --> 00:04:44,206
Okay, this is not about the money. Okay?

61
00:04:44,384 --> 00:04:47,581
lt's about corporate greed
destroying our hearts...

62
00:04:47,754 --> 00:04:50,917
...and leaving us hollow shells.

63
00:04:52,258 --> 00:04:54,886
l don't care about any of that.

64
00:04:56,963 --> 00:05:01,593
Well, do you care about friendship?
l feel really strongly about this.

65
00:05:01,801 --> 00:05:05,498
Please don't use this gift certificate.
l'm asking you as a friend.

66
00:05:05,738 --> 00:05:09,765
Oh, not as a friend. Phoebe!

67
00:05:10,710 --> 00:05:11,938
Fine. l won't use it.

68
00:05:12,111 --> 00:05:14,045
-Promise?
-l promise.

69
00:05:14,247 --> 00:05:17,808
-Thank you.
-Well, l am going hunting.

70
00:05:23,690 --> 00:05:26,090
Hey, honey. l missed you today.

71
00:05:26,292 --> 00:05:28,783
-Oh, yeah?
-Yeah. Hey.

72
00:05:29,529 --> 00:05:34,364
-What do you wanna do tonight?
-Oh, well, maybe we could....

73
00:05:43,976 --> 00:05:47,468
Okay, trying to turn me on
by making a mess?

74
00:05:47,680 --> 00:05:49,238
Know your audience.

75
00:05:50,883 --> 00:05:54,182
Besides, tomorrow we're doing
those fertility tests.

76
00:05:54,354 --> 00:05:57,346
Until then, you need to keep
your tadpoles in the tank.

77
00:05:58,825 --> 00:06:00,918
Do we really need to take those tests?

78
00:06:01,094 --> 00:06:03,085
l don't like the words they use,
you know?

79
00:06:03,262 --> 00:06:07,858
They're so clinical.
This is a pee-pee, that's a hoo-hoo.

80
00:06:09,001 --> 00:06:11,094
We've been trying
to have a baby for a year.

81
00:06:11,270 --> 00:06:14,171
l think it's a good idea
to find out if everything's okay.

82
00:06:14,340 --> 00:06:18,401
-Just a few routine tests.
-But l don't want to do it in a cup.

83
00:06:18,978 --> 00:06:23,074
-What is the big deal?
-lt's weird! You're in a doctor's office.

84
00:06:23,249 --> 00:06:25,581
lt's not okay to do it
in a doctor's office...

85
00:06:25,752 --> 00:06:29,153
...but it is okay to do it in
a parked car behind a Taco Bell?

86
00:06:32,024 --> 00:06:35,653
l cannot believe Ross told you that.

87
00:06:36,229 --> 00:06:40,188
And in my defense, it was a Wendy's.

88
00:06:40,500 --> 00:06:43,094
Look, l don't want to do
these tests either.

89
00:06:43,269 --> 00:06:45,601
But l really do think
it's a good idea.

90
00:06:45,772 --> 00:06:48,138
l'm sure a doctor's office
can't be worse...

91
00:06:48,307 --> 00:06:51,572
...than on a class trip
to the Hershey factory.

92
00:06:52,078 --> 00:06:54,569
Oh, yeah! Rachel talks too!

93
00:07:01,721 --> 00:07:05,020
Who says wine has to cost
more than milk?

94
00:07:10,963 --> 00:07:11,987
-Hey!
-Hi.

95
00:07:12,231 --> 00:07:14,358
-Come on in. How are you?
-l'm good.

96
00:07:14,534 --> 00:07:17,298
-Can l offer you a drink?
-Please.

97
00:07:17,470 --> 00:07:19,665
l have been crazed all day.

98
00:07:19,839 --> 00:07:23,036
l had a meeting with the dean,
my syllabus for summer school's due...

99
00:07:23,242 --> 00:07:25,335
...and l'm writing the foreword
for a book.

100
00:07:25,511 --> 00:07:30,107
l had a pretty hectic day at work too.
Today l had to open a door and go:

101
00:07:32,518 --> 00:07:34,486
So l am just so excited to be here.

102
00:07:34,654 --> 00:07:37,885
-l can't wait to explore the city.
-lf you need a tour guide....

103
00:07:38,057 --> 00:07:40,491
Oh, you mean it?
That would be so fun.

104
00:07:40,660 --> 00:07:44,687
Oh, yeah, definitely. Definitely. Okay.
What do you want to see first?

105
00:07:44,864 --> 00:07:49,028
We could go see the Kronos Quartet
at Avery Fisher Hall.

106
00:07:52,638 --> 00:07:53,866
Okay.

107
00:07:54,040 --> 00:07:58,033
There's a collection of Walt Whitman
letters on display at the public library.

108
00:07:58,311 --> 00:08:00,176
l know.

109
00:08:01,581 --> 00:08:05,847
-But first, l have to see the Met.
-Okay, let me stop you right there.

110
00:08:06,018 --> 00:08:08,987
The Mets suck, okay?

111
00:08:10,890 --> 00:08:13,290
You wanna see the Yankees.

112
00:08:13,459 --> 00:08:16,155
No. No, not the Mets.
The Met. Singular.

113
00:08:16,329 --> 00:08:18,763
Which one? They all suck.

114
00:08:19,499 --> 00:08:21,057
The museum.

115
00:08:22,835 --> 00:08:24,860
l don't think so.

116
00:08:30,710 --> 00:08:34,009
-Hi there.
-Hello. Welcome to Lavender Day Spa.

117
00:08:34,180 --> 00:08:36,045
How may l help you?

118
00:08:36,883 --> 00:08:40,683
Hi. l have a massage appointment
under Rachel Greene.

119
00:08:40,853 --> 00:08:45,654
-Okay.
-And here is my gift certificate.

120
00:08:47,193 --> 00:08:52,062
-This has been torn up.
-And taped back together.

121
00:08:53,332 --> 00:08:56,824
Okay. Well, l'll call you as soon
as your massage therapist is ready.

122
00:08:57,003 --> 00:08:59,563
-Okay.
-Have a seat through the glass doors.

123
00:09:00,006 --> 00:09:03,999
-Through the glass doors.
-Through the glass doors.

124
00:09:05,177 --> 00:09:06,576
All righty then.

125
00:09:14,353 --> 00:09:17,117
Phoebe, your next client's
in the waiting room.

126
00:09:17,323 --> 00:09:20,724
Do we have to talk like that
when they're not around?

127
00:09:23,863 --> 00:09:25,524
Oh, no. No, no.

128
00:09:26,132 --> 00:09:29,727
Listen, is there someone
who can fill in for me?

129
00:09:29,936 --> 00:09:33,269
-Sorry. Everyone is booked.
-That woman can't know l work here.

130
00:09:33,439 --> 00:09:35,964
She's a friend of mine
and l made this big stink...

131
00:09:36,142 --> 00:09:38,269
...about how awful
these massage chains are.

132
00:09:38,444 --> 00:09:42,073
-Then why do you work here?
-Because it's good money.

133
00:09:42,548 --> 00:09:44,243
But that doesn't change the fact...

134
00:09:44,417 --> 00:09:47,614
...that this is an evil,
bloodsucking corporate machine.

135
00:09:48,220 --> 00:09:51,383
Well, l think this is a great place
to work.

136
00:09:53,125 --> 00:09:55,889
Okay, are they listening?

137
00:09:59,665 --> 00:10:01,292
-Ross. Hey.
-Hi.

138
00:10:01,467 --> 00:10:04,595
l need to talk to you about Charlie.

139
00:10:04,804 --> 00:10:07,272
Oh, do you? Do you really?

140
00:10:07,840 --> 00:10:10,308
Yeah, l'm kind of having
a little problem.

141
00:10:10,643 --> 00:10:15,478
Look, if you don't know what the word
''acrimonious'' means, just don't use it.

142
00:10:16,349 --> 00:10:18,010
Look, you know Charlie, right?

143
00:10:18,184 --> 00:10:22,143
-She's cool, funny, her body is so--
-Get to the problem.

144
00:10:22,321 --> 00:10:26,758
Right. She's just so much smarter
than all the girls l've ever dated.

145
00:10:26,959 --> 00:10:28,859
Combined.

146
00:10:29,028 --> 00:10:33,897
You know? And l just--
l don't want her to think l'm stupid.

147
00:10:36,869 --> 00:10:39,337
Are you wearing two belts?

148
00:10:40,873 --> 00:10:43,205
Hey, what do you know?

149
00:10:47,747 --> 00:10:50,875
You were saying you didn't want
to seem stupid.

150
00:10:51,050 --> 00:10:54,611
Well, she wants to go
to all these cultural places...

151
00:10:54,787 --> 00:10:59,053
...and l don't know how to talk about
that stuff. You gotta help me out.

152
00:10:59,225 --> 00:11:02,194
l don't want to get involved
in your guys' relationship.

153
00:11:02,361 --> 00:11:05,455
Oh, dude, please. Come on,
you're the smartest person l know.

154
00:11:05,631 --> 00:11:09,761
And l really like this girl, okay?
l don't want to lose her.

155
00:11:13,272 --> 00:11:14,466
-Fine.
-Thanks.

156
00:11:14,640 --> 00:11:16,471
Okay. Let's see.

157
00:11:16,642 --> 00:11:20,510
-Oh, you should take her to the Met.
-The Mets.

158
00:11:21,647 --> 00:11:25,640
No, no, no. The Met.
The Metropolitan Museum of Art.

159
00:11:27,286 --> 00:11:29,618
Oh, that's what she meant.

160
00:11:29,789 --> 00:11:33,281
lf they're gonna shorten it, they
should call it the ''Muse,'' you know?

161
00:11:33,459 --> 00:11:36,223
Short for ''museum''
and avoid all the confusion.

162
00:11:37,563 --> 00:11:43,433
Yeah, most days the place is packed
with confused, angry baseball fans.

163
00:11:43,602 --> 00:11:46,469
Okay. All right,
so l'll take her to the Met.

164
00:11:46,639 --> 00:11:52,600
Yeah. Okay. There's this great
rare bookstore on Madison Avenue.

165
00:11:53,112 --> 00:11:55,239
You know what?
She loves architecture.

166
00:11:55,414 --> 00:11:58,975
You should take a walk down Fifth
to the St. Patrick's Cathedral.

167
00:11:59,151 --> 00:12:02,848
And there, there's this great
little pastry shop that she'd love.

168
00:12:03,055 --> 00:12:05,649
Jeez. Sounds like you
should be going on this date.

169
00:12:06,258 --> 00:12:07,987
But l'm not.

170
00:12:09,261 --> 00:12:11,752
-And you know what--?
-Okay, slow down.

171
00:12:11,931 --> 00:12:15,162
You're going way too fast.
Okay? Just go back to the Met.

172
00:12:15,334 --> 00:12:18,030
So you gotta tell me exactly
what to do there.

173
00:12:18,204 --> 00:12:20,695
When you walk into the museum,
take a right, okay?

174
00:12:20,873 --> 00:12:22,465
That's the antiquities wing.

175
00:12:22,641 --> 00:12:25,940
Ancient Egypt, Mesopotamia,
up to the Byzantine Empire.

176
00:12:28,881 --> 00:12:32,715
Okay. So l walk in the door
and make a right.

177
00:12:45,698 --> 00:12:48,690
l have a weird feeling about
this place. How do l know...

178
00:12:48,868 --> 00:12:52,895
...they won't secretly videotape me
and put it all over the lnternet?

179
00:12:54,340 --> 00:12:58,504
Because, honey, and l mean this
in the sweetest way possible...

180
00:12:58,677 --> 00:13:01,145
...nobody's gonna wanna watch that.

181
00:13:02,681 --> 00:13:04,410
Mr. Bing? Here you are.

182
00:13:04,617 --> 00:13:07,586
Go into that room and deposit
your specimen into the container.

183
00:13:07,753 --> 00:13:09,220
Deposit my specimen?

184
00:13:09,388 --> 00:13:12,915
l usually have to call a 900 number
for that kind of talk.

185
00:13:17,163 --> 00:13:19,063
Thanks. Got it.

186
00:13:19,832 --> 00:13:22,164
All right. Honey, my tests
are down the hall.

187
00:13:22,334 --> 00:13:25,531
-Are you sure you're gonna be okay?
-Yeah, l guess.

188
00:13:25,704 --> 00:13:28,571
Look, l know this is embarrassing,
but nobody cares.

189
00:13:28,741 --> 00:13:31,539
No one here even knows you.

190
00:13:32,945 --> 00:13:36,938
Oh, my God!

191
00:13:40,219 --> 00:13:41,447
Oh, come on!

192
00:13:49,094 --> 00:13:51,324
How great is this?

193
00:13:51,530 --> 00:13:54,465
We're probably fertile. Let's go home.

194
00:13:57,236 --> 00:13:58,726
Why are you here?

195
00:13:58,904 --> 00:14:02,203
Sid and l are trying again
and we had trouble last time--

196
00:14:02,374 --> 00:14:06,208
No, no, no. l mean, why?
Why is she here?

197
00:14:06,579 --> 00:14:11,073
Oh, someone's a little cranky today
because they have to do it in a cup.

198
00:14:11,250 --> 00:14:13,844
Oh, they gave you the kiddie size.

199
00:14:16,722 --> 00:14:18,587
What?

200
00:14:21,393 --> 00:14:25,887
This was fun. But l've got
an invasive vaginal exam to get to.

201
00:14:27,366 --> 00:14:30,961
l'd love to stay
but l've got a hot date.

202
00:14:31,136 --> 00:14:35,232
Please go. Just let me know
if you need a hand.

203
00:14:40,512 --> 00:14:43,242
l think it just fell off.

204
00:14:48,754 --> 00:14:50,881
Hello, <i>ja</i>.

205
00:14:52,524 --> 00:14:55,254
lt's time for your massage, <i>ja</i>?

206
00:14:55,427 --> 00:14:57,486
Put your face in the hole.

207
00:15:00,032 --> 00:15:03,365
A Swedish massage
from a real Swedish person.

208
00:15:03,535 --> 00:15:06,299
Okay, then l'm Swedish.

209
00:15:08,440 --> 00:15:10,806
So, what's your name?

210
00:15:10,976 --> 00:15:13,774
lt's a normal Swedish name.

211
00:15:13,946 --> 00:15:15,607
lkea.

212
00:15:17,416 --> 00:15:20,442
-Wow. What an interesting name.
-Yeah.

213
00:15:20,619 --> 00:15:23,816
-You know, l--
-Time for your scalp massage.

214
00:15:25,791 --> 00:15:28,783
Wow. l really love your--

215
00:15:30,930 --> 00:15:34,730
-ls something wrong?
-No, it's just....

216
00:15:34,934 --> 00:15:36,993
lt just feels so good...

217
00:15:37,169 --> 00:15:38,966
...lkea.

218
00:15:40,005 --> 00:15:44,169
Hey, say, you'll know this.
What's the capital of Sweden?

219
00:15:45,644 --> 00:15:47,077
Stockholm.

220
00:15:47,513 --> 00:15:50,141
Damn. l wish l knew
if that was right.

221
00:15:52,184 --> 00:15:56,143
Note the painterly lines
and subtle impasto on this canvas.

222
00:15:56,522 --> 00:15:59,047
Monet painted quickly,
and usually outdoors...

223
00:15:59,224 --> 00:16:03,388
...as his elusive subject was light itself.

224
00:16:05,331 --> 00:16:08,858
Now, do you have any idea
what you just said?

225
00:16:11,837 --> 00:16:15,967
No, no. My mouth says the words,
my brain is thinking ''monster trucks.''

226
00:16:18,377 --> 00:16:20,504
Now, remember,
when you get to the museum...

227
00:16:20,679 --> 00:16:24,672
...Monet is not spelled M-O-N-A-Y.
l just--

228
00:16:24,850 --> 00:16:29,378
-l wrote that out phonetically for you.
-Phonetically?

229
00:16:30,255 --> 00:16:33,691
Yeah, that means--
We just don't have time for this.

230
00:16:33,859 --> 00:16:38,558
l gotta say, l'm really impressed you
were able to memorize all this so quickly.

231
00:16:39,031 --> 00:16:41,295
l'm an actor.
l can memorize anything.

232
00:16:41,533 --> 00:16:43,091
Last week on <i>Days</i>, l had to say:

233
00:16:43,268 --> 00:16:45,600
''Frontal temporal zygomatic craniotomy.''

234
00:16:45,771 --> 00:16:49,730
-Wow. What does that mean?
-No idea.

235
00:16:49,908 --> 00:16:53,275
But the guy l said it to
dies in the next scene...

236
00:16:53,445 --> 00:16:56,380
...so l guess it means,
''You'll get eaten by a bear.''

237
00:17:00,285 --> 00:17:01,809
Okay.

238
00:17:02,621 --> 00:17:05,613
-So let's move on to the Renaissance.
-Okay.

239
00:17:06,625 --> 00:17:09,116
Caravaggio uses chiaroscuro here...

240
00:17:09,294 --> 00:17:12,388
...to highlight the anguish
of the central figure.

241
00:17:12,564 --> 00:17:14,293
Touch it. lt's really bumpy.

242
00:17:15,768 --> 00:17:20,330
No, no, no. No ad-libbing.
And, dude, you can't touch the paintings.

243
00:17:20,539 --> 00:17:21,767
-Come on.
-No. No!

244
00:17:32,918 --> 00:17:34,943
My specimen's in the room.

245
00:17:35,120 --> 00:17:39,352
l just want to thank whoever knocked
on the door while l was in there.

246
00:17:39,558 --> 00:17:41,651
Really helped speed the process along.

247
00:17:44,696 --> 00:17:47,358
Janice, you're not gone?

248
00:17:48,600 --> 00:17:49,862
Sid is still in his room.

249
00:17:50,069 --> 00:17:54,438
l don't allow porn at home,
so this is like a vacation for him.

250
00:17:55,841 --> 00:17:58,639
So did you do it?
Did you make your deposit?

251
00:17:58,811 --> 00:18:03,111
-Yeah. The hard part's over.
-That's not the hard part, honey.

252
00:18:04,416 --> 00:18:06,816
No, there's talking to you,
but Monica's coming out.

253
00:18:06,985 --> 00:18:08,475
And we're gonna go soon.

254
00:18:09,154 --> 00:18:10,314
Chandler.

255
00:18:10,489 --> 00:18:14,050
The hard part's what comes next.
Aren't you worried about the results?

256
00:18:14,226 --> 00:18:18,959
l mean, oh, when Sid and l did this
last time, my God, l was a mess.

257
00:18:20,666 --> 00:18:23,134
l haven't even thought
about the results.

258
00:18:23,302 --> 00:18:25,634
l just assumed everything
would be okay.

259
00:18:25,804 --> 00:18:28,102
Well, you know what? lt probably is.

260
00:18:28,273 --> 00:18:29,740
But what if it's not okay?

261
00:18:29,908 --> 00:18:33,105
l mean, what if there's a reason
we can't have a baby?

262
00:18:33,278 --> 00:18:36,611
Chandler. Look, you and Monica
are meant to have children.

263
00:18:36,782 --> 00:18:38,841
l'm sure it's gonna be just fine.

264
00:18:40,452 --> 00:18:45,754
Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Thanks. l can't
believe l didn't even think of that.

265
00:18:45,924 --> 00:18:50,520
l guess l was so worried about
having to come here and do that.

266
00:18:50,696 --> 00:18:53,028
You can do it
in a Taco Bell parking lot...

267
00:18:53,198 --> 00:18:55,689
...but you can't do it
at a doctor's office?

268
00:18:58,036 --> 00:19:00,300
lt was a Wendy's!

269
00:19:09,982 --> 00:19:14,783
And that's the Swedish national anthem.
Thank you for asking.

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00:19:15,988 --> 00:19:18,320
Wow, lkea.

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00:19:18,991 --> 00:19:21,391
What a rich culture.

272
00:19:21,560 --> 00:19:24,324
You know what?
l have a friend who's a masseuse.

273
00:19:24,496 --> 00:19:28,227
-Oh? <i>Ja, ja</i>?
-<i>Ja</i>. She's not very good, though.

274
00:19:33,672 --> 00:19:37,199
-And why do you think that is?
-l don't know.

275
00:19:37,376 --> 00:19:40,573
Maybe it's because she's got
such callousy fingers...

276
00:19:40,779 --> 00:19:43,407
...from playing crummy guitar.

277
00:19:51,223 --> 00:19:55,023
Or maybe she has trouble
loosening your knots...

278
00:19:55,194 --> 00:19:58,652
...because you're such
a high-maintenance tight-ass.

279
00:19:58,830 --> 00:20:00,593
-Phoebe!
-You know it's me?

280
00:20:00,799 --> 00:20:03,029
Well, for like a half an hour!

281
00:20:03,202 --> 00:20:06,035
Man, you can lie about Sweden!

282
00:20:07,606 --> 00:20:09,233
How can you come here?

283
00:20:09,408 --> 00:20:12,935
-Why didn't you tell me you work here?
-l don't have to tell you everything!

284
00:20:13,111 --> 00:20:16,603
You do if you're gonna make me feel
guilty for getting a free massage.

285
00:20:16,949 --> 00:20:19,042
Tip's not included.

286
00:20:20,552 --> 00:20:22,884
Why did you lie to me
about working here?

287
00:20:23,055 --> 00:20:27,355
Because l was ashamed, okay?
l sold out for the cash.

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00:20:27,526 --> 00:20:32,759
And they give me benefits, like medical
and dental and a four-oh-wunk.

289
00:20:38,070 --> 00:20:42,939
But, you know, you pay a price.
Now l'm this corporate stooge...

290
00:20:43,108 --> 00:20:45,406
...and punching a clock...

291
00:20:45,577 --> 00:20:47,442
...and paying taxes!

292
00:20:48,347 --> 00:20:51,248
Phoebe, honey,
if you hate it so much...

293
00:20:51,416 --> 00:20:55,147
...you should walk out there
right now and quit.

294
00:20:55,454 --> 00:20:57,945
Be true to what you believe in.

295
00:20:58,123 --> 00:21:01,752
Honey, you have principles,
and l so admire that.

296
00:21:01,927 --> 00:21:04,122
l don't have any.

297
00:21:05,897 --> 00:21:08,889
You know what? You're right.
l am gonna quit.

298
00:21:09,067 --> 00:21:12,798
-lt's time l took my life back.
-Good for you, Pheebs.

299
00:21:16,074 --> 00:21:20,909
lf you guys have microphones in
there too, l didn't mean any of that.

300
00:21:21,580 --> 00:21:23,445
l love you.

301
00:21:26,151 --> 00:21:30,588
Got you! Die! Die! Die!

302
00:21:31,690 --> 00:21:35,990
Respectfully, Professor R. Geller.

303
00:21:37,095 --> 00:21:38,426
-Hey.
-Hi.

304
00:21:38,597 --> 00:21:40,497
Hey, how was the Met?

305
00:21:40,666 --> 00:21:42,759
The museum was amazing.

306
00:21:42,934 --> 00:21:45,300
Yeah, Joey really knows his art, huh?

307
00:21:45,470 --> 00:21:47,631
Not so much, no.

308
00:21:47,806 --> 00:21:50,502
He had clearly memorized
all this stuff to say...

309
00:21:50,676 --> 00:21:53,440
...and some of it didn't
even make any sense.

310
00:21:54,212 --> 00:21:55,975
-What do you mean?
-Well, for one...

311
00:21:56,148 --> 00:21:59,117
...he was talking about paintings
that were nowhere around.

312
00:22:01,920 --> 00:22:06,448
Wait a minute. When you guys walked
into the Met, did you go to the right?

313
00:22:06,625 --> 00:22:10,561
-No. No, we went to the left.
-Oh, Joey, Joey, Joey.

314
00:22:12,931 --> 00:22:16,492
Still, it seems like you guys
are having a great time together.

315
00:22:17,235 --> 00:22:19,999
Yeah. Yeah, it's fun.

316
00:22:22,240 --> 00:22:23,298
What?

317
00:22:25,077 --> 00:22:26,977
Actually, Joey's your friend...

318
00:22:27,145 --> 00:22:29,739
...and you don't know me that well.
lt'd be weird.

319
00:22:30,082 --> 00:22:32,812
Well, l mean, a little.
But no, what? Go on.

320
00:22:32,984 --> 00:22:34,008
Well....

321
00:22:35,153 --> 00:22:38,748
l'm thinking that maybe Joey
isn't the right guy for me right now.

322
00:22:38,957 --> 00:22:42,154
You know, maybe l should
be with someone...

323
00:22:44,196 --> 00:22:47,962
...l have more in common with.
You know what l mean?

324
00:22:49,267 --> 00:22:50,859
Yeah.

325
00:22:53,372 --> 00:22:55,863
Yeah, but you know what?

326
00:22:57,008 --> 00:23:00,034
l think you should give Joey a chance.

327
00:23:00,212 --> 00:23:02,043
l mean, he's a great guy.

328
00:23:02,214 --> 00:23:04,774
And sure, he doesn't know
that much about art...

329
00:23:04,983 --> 00:23:07,679
...but you can always talk about
that with someone else.

330
00:23:07,853 --> 00:23:10,083
-l guess that's true.
-lf you think about it...

331
00:23:10,288 --> 00:23:14,418
...he memorized all that stuff because
he thought it was important to you.

332
00:23:14,593 --> 00:23:17,289
You know, that's the kind of guy
Joey is.

333
00:23:17,496 --> 00:23:20,021
He is very sweet.

334
00:23:20,198 --> 00:23:21,859
Plus, he is hot!

335
00:23:23,201 --> 00:23:26,693
That was gonna be my next argument.

336
00:23:29,040 --> 00:23:31,099
-You ready?
-Yeah. Let's go.

337
00:23:31,276 --> 00:23:32,300
Wow!

338
00:23:34,079 --> 00:23:36,240
-Thanks, Ross.
-Yeah.

339
00:23:37,416 --> 00:23:41,045
Hey, Ross. That art stuff worked.
You hooked me up.

340
00:23:42,821 --> 00:23:44,118
Glad l could help, man.

341
00:23:44,322 --> 00:23:48,383
Some of the stuff wasn't where you said
it would be, but l made it work.

342
00:23:58,670 --> 00:24:02,902
lt is not okay that l'm aroused
by this now.

343
00:24:06,545 --> 00:24:07,569
Hello?

344
00:24:08,079 --> 00:24:11,048
Oh. Hi, Dr. Connelly.

345
00:24:11,416 --> 00:24:13,782
No. Well, she's not here...

346
00:24:13,952 --> 00:24:15,476
...but l can tell her.

347
00:24:15,654 --> 00:24:18,418
Should l be sitting down for this?

348
00:24:33,705 --> 00:24:36,299
Well, so, what does that mean?

349
00:24:41,179 --> 00:24:43,545
Okay. Okay, thank you.

350
00:24:43,715 --> 00:24:45,342
Thanks.

351
00:24:51,656 --> 00:24:53,123
Hey, sweetie.

352
00:24:54,025 --> 00:24:55,515
Dr. Connelly just called.

353
00:24:55,694 --> 00:24:58,026
With good news?
Of course it's not good news.

354
00:24:58,196 --> 00:25:00,027
You said, ''Dr. Connelly just called.''

355
00:25:00,198 --> 00:25:03,224
lf it was good, you'd have said,
''Dr. Connelly just called!''

356
00:25:03,401 --> 00:25:05,562
So, what is it? ls it...?

357
00:25:05,737 --> 00:25:09,798
ls there a problem? ls there
a problem with me, or with you?

358
00:25:11,543 --> 00:25:13,738
Actually, it's both of us.

359
00:25:15,146 --> 00:25:16,670
What?

360
00:25:16,848 --> 00:25:20,011
Apparently, my sperm
have low motility...

361
00:25:20,185 --> 00:25:25,054
...and you have
an inhospitable environment.

362
00:25:33,231 --> 00:25:35,324
Well, what does that mean?

363
00:25:35,534 --> 00:25:39,026
lt means that my guys won't
get off their Barcaloungers...

364
00:25:39,204 --> 00:25:42,901
...and you have a uterus that is
prepared to kill the ones that do.

365
00:25:45,710 --> 00:25:47,940
-lt means--
-Wait, Chandler.

366
00:25:52,217 --> 00:25:55,050
lt means that we can keep trying...

367
00:25:55,687 --> 00:25:59,384
...but there's a good chance
this may never happen for us.

368
00:26:05,096 --> 00:26:07,064
Oh, my God.

369
00:26:09,200 --> 00:26:10,861
l'm sorry.

370
00:26:11,436 --> 00:26:13,267
l'm sorry too.

371
00:26:16,942 --> 00:26:18,307
Well...

372
00:26:18,877 --> 00:26:21,869
...we're gonna figure this out.

373
00:26:24,916 --> 00:26:26,679
l know.

374
00:26:42,334 --> 00:26:46,134
-Good morning, Phoebe.
-Good morning, receptionist.

375
00:26:46,304 --> 00:26:49,831
Here's your schedule for the day.
Your first client is in Room 1 .

376
00:26:50,575 --> 00:26:54,272
''Rachel Greene.''
Son of a bitch! She came back?

377
00:27:02,454 --> 00:27:05,821
Are you ready
for your Scottish massage?

378
00:27:06,157 --> 00:27:08,421
Put your face in the hole, lassie!

379
00:27:10,929 --> 00:27:12,920
[ENGLlSH]