1
00:00:01,901 --> 00:00:04,699
Hey, you guys?
What are you doing tomorrow night?
2
00:00:04,871 --> 00:00:08,102
Oh, weII, Iet me see.
I beIieve I'm....
3
00:00:08,274 --> 00:00:10,435
Yes, faIIing asIeep in front of the TV.
4
00:00:11,544 --> 00:00:14,843
WeII, my agent hooked me up
with six tickets to a great pIay.
5
00:00:15,015 --> 00:00:16,642
I couId faII asIeep at a pIay.
6
00:00:17,784 --> 00:00:19,843
-What is it?
-It's a one-woman pIay caIIed:
7
00:00:20,020 --> 00:00:24,081
Why Don't You Like Me?
A Bitter Woman's Journey Through Life.
8
00:00:24,724 --> 00:00:27,386
-That sounds interesting.
-That does sound interesting.
9
00:00:27,560 --> 00:00:32,156
To Iisten to a woman compIain for
two hours. I don't think it gets bet--
10
00:00:33,700 --> 00:00:37,033
I know! I know. We can drive.
We can vote. We can work.
11
00:00:37,203 --> 00:00:39,694
What more do these broads want?
12
00:00:40,540 --> 00:00:43,031
WeII, you guys wiII have a great time.
I promise.
13
00:00:43,209 --> 00:00:44,938
What? How come you don't have to go?
14
00:00:45,111 --> 00:00:46,703
I wish I couId, but I found out...
15
00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:50,372
...that I have to be at work reaIIy earIy
the next day, so I can't go.
16
00:00:50,550 --> 00:00:53,144
But take the extra ticket
and invite whoever you want.
17
00:00:53,887 --> 00:00:56,287
Let's see. Who do I hate?
18
00:00:58,491 --> 00:00:59,890
Oh, sorry.
19
00:01:00,226 --> 00:01:01,659
-Oops, sorry.
-Okay.
20
00:01:01,828 --> 00:01:03,420
-Okay.
-Okay. Up we go.
21
00:01:03,596 --> 00:01:05,791
-Oh, gosh, okay!
-AII right.
22
00:01:15,442 --> 00:01:17,740
Can I ask you a question?
23
00:01:18,144 --> 00:01:21,978
Do you think it's possibIe
for two friends to fooI around...
24
00:01:22,148 --> 00:01:25,413
...and not have it be a big deaI?
25
00:01:26,786 --> 00:01:29,311
No, I don't think that ever works. Why?
26
00:01:30,323 --> 00:01:32,791
-No reason.
-No, no. RacheI?
27
00:01:33,093 --> 00:01:36,756
-Who do you want to fooI around with?
-Nobody! Forget it.
28
00:01:37,030 --> 00:01:38,327
Joey?
29
00:01:38,965 --> 00:01:40,694
Maybe.
30
00:01:41,768 --> 00:01:43,258
-You can't.
-Why?
31
00:01:43,436 --> 00:01:44,960
Because!
32
00:01:48,141 --> 00:01:50,837
Okay, seriousIy, did not understand
a word you just said.
33
00:01:52,645 --> 00:01:54,875
-In the haII.
-Okay.
34
00:01:57,550 --> 00:01:59,450
-You wanna fooI around with Joey?
-Yeah.
35
00:01:59,619 --> 00:02:03,146
Ever since I had that dream about him,
I can't get it out of my head.
36
00:02:03,323 --> 00:02:05,951
I mean, what's the big deaI?
PeopIe do it aII the time.
37
00:02:06,126 --> 00:02:08,788
Who do you know that are friends
that just fooI around?
38
00:02:08,962 --> 00:02:13,194
Okay. Off the top of my head....
Don and Janet.
39
00:02:13,366 --> 00:02:16,096
-Who are they?
-I know them from work.
40
00:02:16,703 --> 00:02:19,001
-Both of them?
-No, just one of them.
41
00:02:19,172 --> 00:02:20,969
Which one?
42
00:02:21,374 --> 00:02:24,070
I don't know.
What were the names I just said?
43
00:02:24,244 --> 00:02:27,008
No, RacheI, things couId get
incredibIy compIicated.
44
00:02:27,180 --> 00:02:30,638
AII right. You're right. I won't do anything
with Joey. I just thought it--
45
00:02:30,817 --> 00:02:35,686
Okay, so that's two cups of tarragon,
one pound of baking soda and a red onion?
46
00:02:37,157 --> 00:02:38,852
What the heII are you cooking?
47
00:03:31,678 --> 00:03:34,545
You guys won't beIieve
what I have to do for work today.
48
00:03:34,747 --> 00:03:39,275
Yes, but, Ross, you chose a career
of taIking about dinosaurs.
49
00:03:40,353 --> 00:03:43,845
There are these two professors
who are joining my department...
50
00:03:44,557 --> 00:03:48,015
...and I have to meet them here
and show them around campus.
51
00:03:48,194 --> 00:03:49,354
What's so bad about that?
52
00:03:49,529 --> 00:03:52,225
I just know they'II be
a coupIe of oId windbags...
53
00:03:52,398 --> 00:03:55,959
...wearing tweed jackets
with suede eIbow patches.
54
00:03:56,970 --> 00:03:58,028
Ross?
55
00:03:58,204 --> 00:04:00,900
What? These aren't suede.
56
00:04:04,510 --> 00:04:07,536
Excuse me. I'm Iooking for someone.
57
00:04:07,714 --> 00:04:10,740
You don't, by any chance,
know a Ross GeIIer?
58
00:04:10,917 --> 00:04:12,214
No.
59
00:04:15,588 --> 00:04:18,819
Hi. Hi, I'm Ross GeIIer.
60
00:04:18,992 --> 00:04:21,722
Oh, hi. I'm Professor WheeIer.
61
00:04:22,929 --> 00:04:26,194
Oh, that's-- That's--
That's nice.
62
00:04:26,866 --> 00:04:28,197
It's good to meet you.
63
00:04:28,368 --> 00:04:31,235
Thank you so much for taking the time
to show me around.
64
00:04:31,404 --> 00:04:33,235
No, it's no big deaI.
65
00:04:33,406 --> 00:04:37,172
If I weren't doing this, I'd just,
you know, be at the gym working out.
66
00:04:38,845 --> 00:04:40,073
Is he gonna introduce us?
67
00:04:40,246 --> 00:04:43,579
I think we're just bIurry shapes
to him now.
68
00:04:44,517 --> 00:04:46,747
By the way,
I reaIIy enjoyed your paper...
69
00:04:46,919 --> 00:04:51,379
...on the connection between geographic
isoIation and rapid mutagenesis.
70
00:04:51,858 --> 00:04:54,520
I wrote that in one night.
71
00:04:56,229 --> 00:04:58,754
Twenty bucks says they're married
within the month.
72
00:04:59,766 --> 00:05:02,064
WeII, we shouId probabIy get going.
73
00:05:02,969 --> 00:05:05,028
You know, we've got a Iot
of ground to cover.
74
00:05:05,204 --> 00:05:07,900
Isn't another professor
supposed to come with us?
75
00:05:08,708 --> 00:05:10,767
I don't think so.
76
00:05:11,144 --> 00:05:13,772
I'm pretty sure.
A Professor Spafford from CorneII?
77
00:05:13,946 --> 00:05:17,040
WeII, he's obviousIy Iate,
and the ruIe in my cIass is:
78
00:05:17,216 --> 00:05:21,152
If you can't come on time,
then don't come at aII.
79
00:05:21,354 --> 00:05:24,482
An option that many of my students use.
80
00:05:25,391 --> 00:05:27,450
-ShaII we?
-We shouIdn't wait for him?
81
00:05:27,627 --> 00:05:30,892
You know what, he's a big boy.
I'm sure he'II find us, okay?
82
00:05:31,064 --> 00:05:33,464
-Professor GeIIer?
-Oh, damn it!
83
00:05:44,010 --> 00:05:46,808
Hi, Joey, it's Jan Rogers.
Can't wait for your party tonight.
84
00:05:46,979 --> 00:05:51,609
Listen, I forgot your address.
Can you give me a call? Thanks. Bye.
85
00:05:55,021 --> 00:05:56,249
What's happening?
86
00:05:57,323 --> 00:06:00,690
It's a reaI shame you can't make it
to that one-woman show tonight.
87
00:06:00,860 --> 00:06:03,920
I'd Iove to, but I gotta get up
so earIy the next day.
88
00:06:04,097 --> 00:06:07,794
-You know me, work comes first.
-Oh, yeah, yeah.
89
00:06:08,935 --> 00:06:12,837
Hi, Joey, it's Jan Rogers.
Can't wait for your party tonight.
90
00:06:14,640 --> 00:06:16,938
Stupid Jan Rogers!
91
00:06:17,944 --> 00:06:19,912
You are having a party tonight?
92
00:06:20,079 --> 00:06:21,671
-No.
-Joey!
93
00:06:21,848 --> 00:06:23,475
Yeah.
94
00:06:23,649 --> 00:06:26,812
I'm kind of having a thing
for the Days of Our Lives peopIe.
95
00:06:26,986 --> 00:06:28,351
And you weren't gonna teII us?
96
00:06:28,521 --> 00:06:30,955
How did you think you were
gonna get away with that?
97
00:06:31,124 --> 00:06:32,955
I do it every year.
98
00:06:34,594 --> 00:06:36,619
You do that every year?!
99
00:06:36,796 --> 00:06:38,923
I didn't have to teII you that!
100
00:06:39,298 --> 00:06:41,994
God, I'm stupider than Jan Rogers!
101
00:06:43,002 --> 00:06:46,199
That's why you got us tickets
to that pIay, to get rid of us!
102
00:06:46,372 --> 00:06:47,464
Yeah.
103
00:06:47,640 --> 00:06:51,076
Last year is that why you sent us
to that MedievaI Times restaurant?
104
00:06:51,244 --> 00:06:52,472
Yeah.
105
00:06:53,379 --> 00:06:57,941
And the year before that, you set up that
nighttime tour of that button factory?
106
00:06:58,117 --> 00:07:01,245
I can't beIieve you guys went
for that one.
107
00:07:01,421 --> 00:07:03,685
Why wouIdn't you invite us
to your parties?
108
00:07:04,257 --> 00:07:08,159
You're fine, okay? But everyone eIse acts
Iike an idiot around famous peopIe.
109
00:07:08,327 --> 00:07:11,262
WeII, then, so just invite me.
110
00:07:11,798 --> 00:07:15,029
PIease, I was trying to be nice.
You're the worst one.
111
00:07:15,201 --> 00:07:19,194
Joey, come on! PIease, pIease?
Let me come. I wiII behave. I promise.
112
00:07:19,372 --> 00:07:22,864
-I wiII behave. PIease, pIease, pIease.
-Okay, fine. You can come.
113
00:07:23,042 --> 00:07:26,671
But don't teII anybody eIse.
It's up on the roof at 8.
114
00:07:26,913 --> 00:07:28,437
A soap-opera roof party?!
115
00:07:28,614 --> 00:07:32,243
I'm going to a soap-opera roof party!
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
116
00:07:34,921 --> 00:07:37,014
And it's out of my system.
117
00:07:42,662 --> 00:07:48,225
And then my wife and I went
on a cruise to the GaIápagos.
118
00:07:48,401 --> 00:07:52,633
There was a seafood buffet
you wouIdn't beIieve.
119
00:07:53,005 --> 00:07:57,908
There were cIams and musseIs
and oysters...
120
00:07:58,077 --> 00:08:00,375
...and cracked crab...
121
00:08:00,546 --> 00:08:02,707
...and snow crab...
122
00:08:02,882 --> 00:08:05,373
...and king crab.
123
00:08:05,551 --> 00:08:08,748
It's a pity I'm aIIergic to sheIIfish.
124
00:08:10,256 --> 00:08:13,191
So where did you get
your undergraduate degree?
125
00:08:13,359 --> 00:08:17,090
-And that's not aII I'm aIIergic to.
-Oh, it's not over.
126
00:08:17,263 --> 00:08:21,393
I'm aIso aIIergic to peanuts
and cashews...
127
00:08:21,567 --> 00:08:23,797
...and aImonds and fiIberts--
128
00:08:23,970 --> 00:08:25,562
So basicaIIy aII nuts!
129
00:08:25,872 --> 00:08:28,033
InterestingIy, no.
130
00:08:28,808 --> 00:08:32,676
You're kind of pIaying it fast and Ioose
with the word ''interesting.''
131
00:08:34,380 --> 00:08:37,008
If you'II excuse me,
I'm going to use the restroom.
132
00:08:37,183 --> 00:08:39,208
When I come back,
remind me to teII you...
133
00:08:39,385 --> 00:08:44,152
...about the different types
of animaI dander I'm aIIergic to.
134
00:08:46,058 --> 00:08:48,322
Oh, my God!
135
00:08:48,528 --> 00:08:50,689
I've Iost the wiII to Iive.
136
00:08:52,398 --> 00:08:53,888
-Let's ditch him.
-What?
137
00:08:54,066 --> 00:08:56,762
WhiIe he's stiII in the bathroom.
I am begging you.
138
00:08:56,936 --> 00:09:00,736
Okay. Okay, fine,
but I just have one question for you.
139
00:09:00,907 --> 00:09:03,967
When we exit, shouId we waIk or run...
140
00:09:04,176 --> 00:09:06,440
...or prance or stroII--?
141
00:09:06,612 --> 00:09:10,048
Stop it! Stop it! He taIks sIow,
but he might pee fast. Okay, Iet's move!
142
00:09:19,058 --> 00:09:23,859
-We actuaIIy managed to saIvage the day.
-Yeah, we did.
143
00:09:24,030 --> 00:09:26,430
Thanks for spending
so much time with me.
144
00:09:26,599 --> 00:09:29,898
I'm so Iucky it worked out
you don't have cIass on Tuesday.
145
00:09:30,069 --> 00:09:31,297
Right.
146
00:09:36,108 --> 00:09:38,406
Oh, hey, you guys, this is CharIie.
147
00:09:38,611 --> 00:09:41,444
CharIie, this is Phoebe
and my sister, Monica.
148
00:09:41,614 --> 00:09:44,777
-Hi.
-CharIie wiII be joining my department.
149
00:09:44,951 --> 00:09:47,146
-You're a paIeontoIogist too?
-Yeah.
150
00:09:47,453 --> 00:09:49,478
Oh, okay. Now, what do you think...
151
00:09:49,655 --> 00:09:53,989
...of Renyard's new theory of species
variegation in segmented arthropods?
152
00:09:55,861 --> 00:10:00,628
WeII, I think he's a IittIe out there,
but he does have some interesting ideas.
153
00:10:01,334 --> 00:10:04,269
Oh, I'm sorry. I have to take this.
Excuse me.
154
00:10:04,503 --> 00:10:07,131
Renyard's theory of species variegation?
155
00:10:07,306 --> 00:10:11,402
I saw the articIe on your coffee tabIe.
I memorized the titIe to freak you out.
156
00:10:14,614 --> 00:10:16,275
So did you two have fun?
157
00:10:16,449 --> 00:10:18,940
Oh, my God. She's great.
158
00:10:19,118 --> 00:10:23,418
We have so much in common,
and she's just cooI, you know? And funny.
159
00:10:23,589 --> 00:10:27,218
And I don't know if you've noticed,
but she's a hottie!
160
00:10:27,593 --> 00:10:28,958
Hi!
161
00:10:34,767 --> 00:10:38,567
Hi, you guys. Listen, you know what,
I'm not feeIing reaIIy weII...
162
00:10:38,738 --> 00:10:42,174
...and I don't think I'm gonna get
to go to the pIay.
163
00:10:42,341 --> 00:10:43,672
ReaIIy? What's wrong?
164
00:10:43,843 --> 00:10:46,038
I don't know.
I think it's kind of serious.
165
00:10:46,212 --> 00:10:49,670
You know, I was watching this thing
on TV this morning...
166
00:10:49,849 --> 00:10:54,081
...about NewcastIe disease,
and I think I might have it.
167
00:10:54,453 --> 00:10:56,944
NewcastIe disease is
a secretion-borne virus...
168
00:10:57,156 --> 00:10:59,886
...that onIy affects chickens
and other pouItry.
169
00:11:02,061 --> 00:11:03,824
Okay, who's this?
170
00:11:04,363 --> 00:11:07,696
I'm sorry. RacheI, this is CharIie WheeIer.
She's a coIIeague.
171
00:11:07,867 --> 00:11:09,767
Hi. WeII, I wouId shake your hand...
172
00:11:09,935 --> 00:11:13,234
...but I'm sure you don't want
to get my chicken disease.
173
00:11:13,773 --> 00:11:16,970
-RacheI, can I see you for a second?
-Sure.
174
00:11:22,214 --> 00:11:23,442
You're not sick.
175
00:11:23,783 --> 00:11:25,580
What? Yes, I am!
176
00:11:25,751 --> 00:11:28,185
Okay, then why are you aII dressed up?
177
00:11:30,322 --> 00:11:34,224
When you're sick, you do whatever
you can to make yourseIf feeI better.
178
00:11:35,828 --> 00:11:39,161
You just want to stay home
so you can make a move on Joey.
179
00:11:39,331 --> 00:11:42,061
No, I heard you before.
That is so not what this is.
180
00:11:42,234 --> 00:11:44,202
Okay, then what is this?
181
00:11:45,204 --> 00:11:46,603
Okay.
182
00:11:47,306 --> 00:11:50,469
Joey is having a secret
Days of Our Lives party up on the roof.
183
00:11:50,643 --> 00:11:53,168
And he sent you guys to the pIay
to get rid of you.
184
00:11:53,612 --> 00:11:55,341
What?!
185
00:11:56,148 --> 00:11:57,410
What? What's going on?
186
00:11:57,583 --> 00:12:01,212
Joey is having a secret
Days of Our Lives party up on the roof!
187
00:12:01,387 --> 00:12:05,824
He didn't want you to know about it,
but I came over here to teII you.
188
00:12:06,425 --> 00:12:09,917
-You came to say you were sick.
-AII right, professor or detective?
189
00:12:11,030 --> 00:12:14,659
Wait, Joey's having a party,
and he wasn't gonna invite us?
190
00:12:14,834 --> 00:12:18,429
He does it every year.
That's why he's sending you to the pIay.
191
00:12:18,604 --> 00:12:22,768
That's why he sent us to that medievaI
restaurant and to that button factory.
192
00:12:22,942 --> 00:12:25,240
And that horribIe museum tour?
193
00:12:25,544 --> 00:12:27,375
No, I arranged that.
194
00:12:30,950 --> 00:12:34,147
Hey, you guys, I'm turning in.
Have fun.
195
00:12:37,556 --> 00:12:39,251
We know about your party, Joey.
196
00:12:39,425 --> 00:12:42,952
-What party?
-The game's over. Take off your robe.
197
00:12:44,130 --> 00:12:45,893
Okay, I mean....
198
00:12:48,467 --> 00:12:51,300
CIose it up! CIose it up!
199
00:12:53,839 --> 00:12:55,136
Nice to meet you.
200
00:13:03,616 --> 00:13:05,550
Hey, you made it! AII right!
201
00:13:05,718 --> 00:13:07,913
GIad you couId make it.
Thanks for coming.
202
00:13:08,287 --> 00:13:11,256
-Oh, my God. KyIe Lowder!
-Hi.
203
00:13:11,924 --> 00:13:13,653
I Iove you!
204
00:13:13,826 --> 00:13:17,489
Hey. That's why I didn't invite you.
You have to caIm down, aII right?
205
00:13:17,696 --> 00:13:19,664
Just go get yourseIf a drink
or something.
206
00:13:19,832 --> 00:13:22,733
Oh, yeah, that's what you want.
My inhibitions Iowered.
207
00:13:23,803 --> 00:13:26,567
Oh, my God, can you beIieve
we're surrounded by aII this?
208
00:13:26,739 --> 00:13:28,263
I can bareIy controI myseIf.
209
00:13:28,440 --> 00:13:31,068
Monica, you might want to remember
that you're married.
210
00:13:31,243 --> 00:13:33,473
Where is ChandIer anyway?
211
00:13:33,646 --> 00:13:35,170
Oh, my God! ChandIer!
212
00:13:41,821 --> 00:13:44,585
Where the heII is everybody?
213
00:13:46,759 --> 00:13:49,421
Why Don't You Like Me?
214
00:13:53,332 --> 00:13:56,631
Chapter 1 : My First Period.
215
00:14:01,240 --> 00:14:03,299
Hey, Joey said no autographs.
216
00:14:03,475 --> 00:14:05,602
But if she's getting one,
I want one too!
217
00:14:05,778 --> 00:14:09,839
''To Monica.'' And none of this
''best wishes'' crap. I want ''Iove.''
218
00:14:10,649 --> 00:14:15,052
Okay, actuaIIy, Mon, Matthew was
giving me his phone number.
219
00:14:15,221 --> 00:14:18,054
Oh, man! If I had known
I was coming to this party...
220
00:14:18,257 --> 00:14:20,122
...I never wouId've gotten married!
221
00:14:21,260 --> 00:14:23,251
-It was nice to meet you.
-Nice to meet you.
222
00:14:23,429 --> 00:14:25,624
-CaII me.
-We wiII!
223
00:14:27,366 --> 00:14:31,928
Look at you with aII the guys!
I guess you've forgotten aII about Joey.
224
00:14:32,104 --> 00:14:34,868
Yeah, weII, I guess I have forgotten
about Joey.
225
00:14:35,040 --> 00:14:37,440
And cIearIy, you've forgotten
about ChandIer.
226
00:14:38,444 --> 00:14:40,537
PIease. ChandIer's the Iove of my Iife.
227
00:14:40,746 --> 00:14:42,805
Oh, Ieather pants! Have mercy!
228
00:14:46,185 --> 00:14:49,279
So do you get to go
to things Iike this often?
229
00:14:49,455 --> 00:14:51,514
Come on, this is New York.
230
00:14:51,690 --> 00:14:55,217
I mean, one night you're at a rooftop
party fiIIed with soap stars...
231
00:14:55,394 --> 00:14:57,589
...and the next night, you're....
232
00:14:58,197 --> 00:15:00,461
Who am I kidding, this is so cooI.
233
00:15:01,867 --> 00:15:05,325
So it's probabIy gonna be hard
for you to Ieave Boston, huh?
234
00:15:05,504 --> 00:15:09,372
ActuaIIy, I'm kind of happy to be Ieaving.
I just broke up with someone.
235
00:15:09,541 --> 00:15:11,805
Oh, so sad.
236
00:15:12,344 --> 00:15:15,040
StiII, it can't be easy
for you to Ieave Harvard.
237
00:15:15,214 --> 00:15:19,275
EspeciaIIy after working with a NobeI
Prize winner Iike AIbert Wintermeyer.
238
00:15:19,718 --> 00:15:22,516
ActuaIIy, AIbie is the guy
I broke up with.
239
00:15:22,688 --> 00:15:25,782
-You dated AIbert Wintermeyer?
-Yeah.
240
00:15:25,958 --> 00:15:28,893
And you caIIed him ''AIbie''?
241
00:15:29,728 --> 00:15:33,926
I mean, that's Iike caIIing
AIbert Einstein....
242
00:15:34,733 --> 00:15:36,132
AIbie.
243
00:15:37,603 --> 00:15:39,798
Yeah, weII, he is a briIIiant man.
244
00:15:39,972 --> 00:15:42,133
You think?
I mean, you dated the guy...
245
00:15:42,341 --> 00:15:45,640
...who improved the accuracy
of radiocarbon dating by a factor of 1 0!
246
00:15:45,811 --> 00:15:50,271
Yes, and whiIe that is everything
one Iooks for in a boyfriend...
247
00:15:50,449 --> 00:15:52,110
...he had a Iot of issues.
248
00:15:52,284 --> 00:15:54,149
Oh, Iike what?
249
00:15:54,553 --> 00:15:57,716
I'm sorry. I don't mean to pry.
It's just that this must be...
250
00:15:57,890 --> 00:16:02,020
...what reguIar peopIe experience
when they watch Access Hollywood.
251
00:16:02,494 --> 00:16:04,257
Okay, you want the dirt?
252
00:16:04,430 --> 00:16:06,557
AIbie was seriousIy insecure.
253
00:16:06,732 --> 00:16:09,929
He was reaIIy intimidated by the guy
I dated before him.
254
00:16:10,102 --> 00:16:13,503
Who's intimidating to a guy
who won the NobeI Prize?
255
00:16:13,672 --> 00:16:15,663
A guy who won two.
256
00:16:16,241 --> 00:16:17,503
Two? What--?
257
00:16:17,676 --> 00:16:20,645
Don't teII me you dated
Benjamin Hobart?
258
00:16:20,813 --> 00:16:22,713
Yeah, for three years.
259
00:16:22,881 --> 00:16:24,280
Oh, my God.
260
00:16:25,117 --> 00:16:29,451
Have you ever been in a reIationship with
someone who hasn't won the NobeI Prize?
261
00:16:30,923 --> 00:16:32,515
No.
262
00:16:33,325 --> 00:16:35,452
But there was
my first boyfriend, BiIIy.
263
00:16:35,627 --> 00:16:37,959
Oh, yeah? No NobeI Prizes for him?
264
00:16:38,130 --> 00:16:41,395
No, but he did just win
the MacArthur ''genius grant.''
265
00:16:42,334 --> 00:16:44,427
What a Ioser.
266
00:16:46,005 --> 00:16:47,905
Some more wine?
267
00:16:52,077 --> 00:16:54,511
Hey, Ross. How's it going with CharIie?
268
00:16:54,680 --> 00:16:56,545
Oh, great. After I finish my wine...
269
00:16:56,715 --> 00:17:00,651
...I'm gonna bIow
my average-sized brains out.
270
00:17:01,120 --> 00:17:02,382
What's the matter?
271
00:17:02,554 --> 00:17:07,184
She onIy dates geniuses
and NobeI Prize winners.
272
00:17:07,359 --> 00:17:10,157
Oh, my God, at the Chinese restaurant
earIier today...
273
00:17:10,329 --> 00:17:14,663
...I put chopsticks in my mouth
and pretended to be a wooIIy mammoth.
274
00:17:15,167 --> 00:17:17,067
I aIways Ioved that.
275
00:17:17,236 --> 00:17:20,728
Of course you wouId!
Your brains are smaIIer than mine!
276
00:17:22,207 --> 00:17:24,903
I can't compete with the guys
she goes out with.
277
00:17:25,077 --> 00:17:27,602
They're so out of my Ieague.
278
00:17:28,080 --> 00:17:29,240
Oh, my God!
279
00:17:29,415 --> 00:17:31,383
-Worse?
-Oh, much, much worse.
280
00:17:31,550 --> 00:17:35,611
I did my impression of Joan Rivers
as one of the earIiest amphibians.
281
00:17:35,788 --> 00:17:37,016
''Can we waIk?''
282
00:17:39,224 --> 00:17:41,522
-Oh, you Iike that?
-No.
283
00:17:41,693 --> 00:17:42,921
What?
284
00:17:43,095 --> 00:17:46,428
Come on! I think that's funny!
285
00:17:47,099 --> 00:17:48,726
WooIIy mammoth.
286
00:17:48,901 --> 00:17:50,596
It's good!
287
00:17:52,738 --> 00:17:56,868
I bet you're thinking that now wouId be
a great time for an intermission, huh?
288
00:17:57,042 --> 00:17:59,704
Oh, yes. God, yes.
289
00:18:00,279 --> 00:18:02,213
WeII, you're not gonna get one!
290
00:18:02,381 --> 00:18:05,748
Because in Iife, there are
no intermissions, peopIe!
291
00:18:07,052 --> 00:18:10,818
Now, Chapter 7:
Divorce is a Four-Letter Word!
292
00:18:12,658 --> 00:18:15,149
How couId he Ieave me?!
293
00:18:16,895 --> 00:18:19,557
I don't know. You seem IoveIy.
294
00:18:26,538 --> 00:18:30,770
Ross, this is one of my costars, Dirk.
Dirk, this is my good friend Ross.
295
00:18:30,943 --> 00:18:33,343
-Nice to meet you.
-So, what show are you on?
296
00:18:33,512 --> 00:18:36,913
I'm not an actor.
I'm a professor of paIeontoIogy.
297
00:18:37,749 --> 00:18:39,478
That's science.
298
00:18:40,052 --> 00:18:42,782
Hey, weII, Iisten,
I pIay a scientist on Days.
299
00:18:42,955 --> 00:18:45,822
Yeah, my character just won
a NobeI Prize.
300
00:18:47,759 --> 00:18:52,628
Ross, Dirk was wondering about the woman
you brought and if you guys are together?
301
00:18:53,866 --> 00:18:55,094
WeII, no, but....
302
00:18:55,267 --> 00:18:59,169
I mean, she onIy goes out
with reaIIy, reaIIy smart guys.
303
00:18:59,338 --> 00:19:02,466
Hey, I got a 690 on my SATs.
304
00:19:04,176 --> 00:19:05,768
I'd Iead with that.
305
00:19:08,080 --> 00:19:10,844
That's it. Just sign right on the bra.
306
00:19:11,717 --> 00:19:12,775
Monica!
307
00:19:13,218 --> 00:19:16,085
Don't worry, Joe.
I won't come next year!
308
00:19:20,492 --> 00:19:21,754
What the--?
309
00:19:21,927 --> 00:19:23,189
What do you got there?
310
00:19:23,362 --> 00:19:25,853
Just some boys gave me
their phone numbers.
311
00:19:26,031 --> 00:19:28,295
Oh, reaIIy? Let me see.
312
00:19:29,101 --> 00:19:31,501
Damn, that's a Iot of guys.
313
00:19:31,670 --> 00:19:33,103
Are you a IittIe sIutty?
314
00:19:35,707 --> 00:19:37,971
I think I am.
315
00:19:38,143 --> 00:19:41,135
Let me see if I approve
of any of these cIowns.
316
00:19:41,313 --> 00:19:43,543
-This guy wears a rug.
-WeII....
317
00:19:43,715 --> 00:19:46,149
This guy's Canadian.
318
00:19:46,652 --> 00:19:49,212
Oh, and this guy is in a cuIt, okay?
319
00:19:49,388 --> 00:19:53,290
It'II cost you $5000 to get to IeveI three,
and I don't feeI any different.
320
00:19:55,761 --> 00:19:57,820
Pass. Pa-- Oh, pass. Pass.
321
00:19:57,996 --> 00:20:01,193
-Why? What's wrong with these guys?
-WeII, nothing major.
322
00:20:01,366 --> 00:20:04,699
It's just that, you know,
they're not reaIIy good enough for you...
323
00:20:04,870 --> 00:20:06,337
...and you deserve the best.
324
00:20:07,306 --> 00:20:09,570
Joey, you're so sweet.
325
00:20:09,741 --> 00:20:14,110
It's true, but it doesn't matter. I aIready
know who you're going home with.
326
00:20:14,279 --> 00:20:16,008
Who?
327
00:20:19,551 --> 00:20:20,950
Me.
328
00:20:21,119 --> 00:20:22,677
What?
329
00:20:23,255 --> 00:20:25,018
ReaIIy?
330
00:20:25,357 --> 00:20:28,520
Yeah, because we Iive together.
It's a joke! It's a joke.
331
00:20:28,694 --> 00:20:30,958
Right! That's funny! I get it!
332
00:20:31,129 --> 00:20:34,064
-Got you!
-You're funny, Joey.
333
00:20:34,566 --> 00:20:36,329
Oh, my God.
334
00:20:42,374 --> 00:20:45,138
So how did you enjoy the pIay?
335
00:20:45,644 --> 00:20:50,547
Oh, my God.
Honey, I am so, so, so, so sorry.
336
00:20:50,716 --> 00:20:51,740
WeII, you shouId be.
337
00:20:51,917 --> 00:20:56,081
You missed the most powerfuI
three hours in the history of the theater.
338
00:20:56,255 --> 00:20:59,418
-You reaIIy Iiked it?
-Oh, yeah. I mean, at first I hated it.
339
00:20:59,591 --> 00:21:03,789
But why wouIdn't I? Because as a man,
I've been trained not to Iisten!
340
00:21:06,765 --> 00:21:08,790
But after Chapter 1 6:
341
00:21:08,967 --> 00:21:11,629
Fat, SingIe and Ready to MingIe...
342
00:21:12,804 --> 00:21:14,931
...I was upIifted.
343
00:21:16,041 --> 00:21:17,099
-Oh, reaIIy?
-Oh, yeah.
344
00:21:17,276 --> 00:21:20,541
I had no idea the amazing journey
you go through as a woman.
345
00:21:20,946 --> 00:21:24,712
TeII me--
TeII me about your first period.
346
00:21:26,418 --> 00:21:27,715
No!
347
00:21:29,421 --> 00:21:31,048
Did somebody sign your bra?
348
00:21:31,223 --> 00:21:35,216
So I got it when I was 1 3.
Very difficuIt.
349
00:21:36,428 --> 00:21:41,092
Hey, Ross? So Iisten,
about you and the dinosaur girI?
350
00:21:41,266 --> 00:21:44,929
Are you reaIIy just gonna Iet
a coupIe of NobeI Prizes scare you off?
351
00:21:45,103 --> 00:21:47,435
What is that?
Come on, a piece of paper?
352
00:21:47,606 --> 00:21:49,665
It's actuaIIy a miIIion-doIIar prize.
353
00:21:49,941 --> 00:21:52,000
Go, CharIie!
354
00:21:52,577 --> 00:21:54,943
But my point is...
355
00:21:55,113 --> 00:21:59,015
...okay, so she dated them,
but she aIso broke up with them.
356
00:21:59,217 --> 00:22:04,746
Maybe she's Iooking to, you know,
sIum it with some average Joe Ph.D.
357
00:22:06,124 --> 00:22:10,754
Yeah, maybe, and I do have
my whoIe career in front of me.
358
00:22:10,929 --> 00:22:12,362
I mean....
359
00:22:12,531 --> 00:22:15,466
I couId stiII win a NobeI Prize.
360
00:22:15,634 --> 00:22:21,470
AIthough the Iast two papers
I've written were wideIy discredited.
361
00:22:23,308 --> 00:22:28,336
You're so much more than just brains.
You are sweet and kind and funny.
362
00:22:28,647 --> 00:22:30,080
And sexy.
363
00:22:30,248 --> 00:22:33,308
Okay, weII, give her a chance
to see aII that.
364
00:22:33,752 --> 00:22:35,652
Yeah. Yeah. You're right.
365
00:22:35,821 --> 00:22:38,346
-Thanks. I'm gonna go find her.
-Good for you.
366
00:22:38,523 --> 00:22:43,426
And your paper on punctuated equiIibrium
in the Devonian Era was topnotch.
367
00:22:43,595 --> 00:22:45,654
Stop going through my stuff!
368
00:22:50,135 --> 00:22:52,968
I just wanted to Iet you know
I've changed my mind.
369
00:22:53,138 --> 00:22:55,163
I'm gonna do it.
I'm gonna kiss Joey.
370
00:22:55,340 --> 00:22:58,832
No! You can't!
Friends hooking up is a bad idea.
371
00:22:59,010 --> 00:23:00,978
PIease! What about you and ChandIer?
372
00:23:01,146 --> 00:23:04,115
That's different. I was drunk and stupid.
373
00:23:04,282 --> 00:23:06,648
WeII, heIIo?
374
00:23:07,819 --> 00:23:11,016
What about aII the guys that you got
the phone numbers from?
375
00:23:11,189 --> 00:23:13,749
-Why don't you just kiss one of them.
-I couId...
376
00:23:13,925 --> 00:23:17,383
...but I don't want to.
I want to kiss Joey.
377
00:23:18,163 --> 00:23:22,156
AII right. I think it's a big mistake,
but it's your decision.
378
00:23:26,905 --> 00:23:28,395
I'm gonna do it.
379
00:23:28,573 --> 00:23:31,098
-And I can't stop you?
-No.
380
00:23:33,078 --> 00:23:35,205
WeII, can I at Ieast have
the phone numbers.
381
00:23:46,591 --> 00:23:49,822
Hey, Rach, have you seen
CharIie anywhere?
382
00:23:55,600 --> 00:23:58,034
I'm smarter than him!
383
00:24:04,209 --> 00:24:07,076
Hey, thank you so much
for these tickets, ChandIer.
384
00:24:07,245 --> 00:24:11,648
This was a reaIIy important experience
for me and I wanted to share it with you.
385
00:24:11,817 --> 00:24:13,580
You're so wonderfuI.
386
00:24:14,920 --> 00:24:16,979
Why Don't You Like Me?
387
00:24:18,457 --> 00:24:21,893
Chapter 1 : My First Period.
388
00:24:23,895 --> 00:24:27,387
I can't beIieve you guys bought that.
Enjoy your sIow death.
389
00:24:29,734 --> 00:24:31,725
ENGLISH