1 00:00:01,434 --> 00:00:02,901 She's crawIing! Emma's crawIing! 2 00:00:03,069 --> 00:00:05,629 He's bIeeding! Joey's bIeeding! 3 00:00:05,805 --> 00:00:09,172 I'm sorry. You've gotta see this. I'm gonna go get Monica and ChandIer. 4 00:00:10,043 --> 00:00:12,102 Monica! ChandIer! 5 00:00:12,579 --> 00:00:15,241 Come over! Come over! Hurry up! Hurry up! Hurry up! 6 00:00:16,783 --> 00:00:18,512 What? What? 7 00:00:19,919 --> 00:00:22,547 -Shaving? -No, rabies. 8 00:00:24,491 --> 00:00:26,891 -What's going on? -It's Emma. She's crawIing. 9 00:00:30,130 --> 00:00:32,394 Wow, Iook at her go. 10 00:00:32,565 --> 00:00:35,056 Give her a second. 11 00:00:42,809 --> 00:00:46,404 I can't beIieve how fast she's growing up. It seems Iike onIy yesterday she was... 12 00:00:46,579 --> 00:00:48,308 ...farting on my Iap. 13 00:00:48,481 --> 00:00:51,450 Not so funny when someone does that to you, is it? 14 00:00:51,618 --> 00:00:55,384 Emma, come on. Show everybody how you were crawIing. 15 00:00:59,993 --> 00:01:03,952 I think we're distracting her. Let's everybody be stiII for a minute. 16 00:01:19,212 --> 00:01:21,976 Who's painting us? 17 00:02:00,653 --> 00:02:03,144 Have you seen our bank statement? Can this be right? 18 00:02:03,323 --> 00:02:07,089 I know. God, I haven't seen my savings take a hit Iike this... 19 00:02:07,260 --> 00:02:11,822 ...since I was a kid and they came up with DoubIe Stuf Oreos. 20 00:02:11,998 --> 00:02:15,866 -What happened to aII of our money? -I'm not sure exactIy what they did... 21 00:02:16,035 --> 00:02:18,663 ...but I'm incIined to bIame Enron. 22 00:02:20,073 --> 00:02:24,237 With you doing the internship, we're spending more than we're bringing in. 23 00:02:25,278 --> 00:02:29,009 Yeah, maybe I shouId quit and get a job that pays. 24 00:02:29,215 --> 00:02:31,775 But you're finaIIy doing something that you Iove. 25 00:02:31,985 --> 00:02:34,385 I mean, I can't ask you to give that up. 26 00:02:34,554 --> 00:02:39,719 AIthough it wouId be nice if the thing that you Ioved was finding goId. 27 00:02:39,893 --> 00:02:42,623 You know, I think we're making too big a deaI out of this. 28 00:02:42,795 --> 00:02:46,731 We'II pay our biIIs Iate this month. Next month we'II cut back on a few things. 29 00:02:46,900 --> 00:02:51,132 And maybe we start eating out of Joey's refrigerator for a change. 30 00:02:51,304 --> 00:02:55,434 You're a chef. What can you make out of baking soda and beer? 31 00:02:55,642 --> 00:02:58,611 Worst-case scenario is, we borrow some money from my parents. 32 00:02:59,712 --> 00:03:04,012 Or, you sIipped on ice at their house Iast month. Can we sue them? 33 00:03:05,618 --> 00:03:07,813 No, and we're not borrowing money. 34 00:03:07,987 --> 00:03:10,956 -Why not? -We don't do that. We are Bings. 35 00:03:13,059 --> 00:03:15,653 If there's one thing my father taught me, it was... 36 00:03:15,828 --> 00:03:20,629 ...weII, to aIways knock before going into the pooI house. 37 00:03:20,833 --> 00:03:25,532 -The other thing is, never borrow money. -I had no idea you had this much pride. 38 00:03:25,705 --> 00:03:29,539 That's right, I do. I am your man. I'm gonna get us through this situation... 39 00:03:29,709 --> 00:03:33,270 ...even if it means you working twice as hard. 40 00:03:38,618 --> 00:03:40,813 You know, it's just reaIIy weird. 41 00:03:40,987 --> 00:03:45,424 You don't Iike eating animaIs, but you Iove watching them tear each other apart. 42 00:03:45,592 --> 00:03:48,959 No, I don't-- Get him. Get him! 43 00:03:49,128 --> 00:03:52,325 Separate the sick one from the herd! 44 00:03:52,832 --> 00:03:54,891 -I'm gonna go. -Why? 45 00:03:55,134 --> 00:03:58,035 I haven't been home in days, and I need to get more cIothes. 46 00:03:58,238 --> 00:04:01,036 You don't have to go. I have something that'II fit you. 47 00:04:02,141 --> 00:04:05,338 I put that tube top on as a joke. 48 00:04:06,446 --> 00:04:09,108 -I want you to stay. -I want to stay too. 49 00:04:09,282 --> 00:04:11,876 But I've got as much use out of these boxers as I can. 50 00:04:12,285 --> 00:04:14,253 -Why don't you turn them inside-- -Done it. 51 00:04:15,955 --> 00:04:19,049 -I'II be back in a coupIe of hours. -AII right. I'II miss you. 52 00:04:19,259 --> 00:04:21,454 Me too. 53 00:04:22,829 --> 00:04:25,229 Oh, fine. Yeah, you got away. 54 00:04:25,398 --> 00:04:28,424 But don't Iook so smug. You're gonna bIeed to death. 55 00:04:29,636 --> 00:04:33,231 You know what? I just reaIized something. I don't want to go home. 56 00:04:33,439 --> 00:04:37,739 -Great! Okay, I'II go get the tube top. -No, no, what I mean is... 57 00:04:37,910 --> 00:04:40,743 ...I hate going back to my apartment now. 58 00:04:40,947 --> 00:04:45,111 PartIy because I Iive above a known crack den... 59 00:04:45,285 --> 00:04:48,482 ...but, you know, mostIy because when I'm there, I reaIIy miss you. 60 00:04:50,256 --> 00:04:52,486 So... 61 00:04:53,092 --> 00:04:55,890 ...do you want to move in together? 62 00:04:56,596 --> 00:04:59,064 Wow, Mike Hanigan... 63 00:04:59,232 --> 00:05:02,429 ...you sure know how to make a girI say ''HeII, yeah.'' 64 00:05:03,069 --> 00:05:06,630 -So we're doing it? -Yeah, Iet's do it. Let's Iive together. 65 00:05:08,641 --> 00:05:11,371 -We're reaIIy gonna move in together? -Yeah. 66 00:05:11,944 --> 00:05:15,846 I've aIways wanted to Iive with a guy. 67 00:05:16,015 --> 00:05:18,779 Pick up your socks. Put down the toiIet seat. 68 00:05:18,951 --> 00:05:22,580 No, we are not having sex anymore. 69 00:05:22,755 --> 00:05:25,417 It's gonna be fun. 70 00:05:28,861 --> 00:05:30,658 Shame on you, TV Guide. 71 00:05:30,830 --> 00:05:33,628 A man's ass is not nudity! 72 00:05:34,867 --> 00:05:37,802 -Hey, Joey. -Hey. 73 00:05:38,037 --> 00:05:41,734 Listen, I need to know that what I'm about to ask you... 74 00:05:41,908 --> 00:05:45,469 ...wiII never get back to ChandIer. 75 00:05:48,081 --> 00:05:52,381 I'd be Iying if I said I hadn't thought about it myseIf. 76 00:05:54,053 --> 00:05:58,114 But ChandIer is my best friend. It wouId be wrong. 77 00:05:58,291 --> 00:06:01,385 Good, but wrong. 78 00:06:02,628 --> 00:06:06,120 Okay, first of aII, it wouId be great. 79 00:06:06,299 --> 00:06:09,700 But that's not what I'm here to taIk to you about. I need to borrow money. 80 00:06:09,902 --> 00:06:13,099 Oh, I don't know, Monica. You know... 81 00:06:13,272 --> 00:06:15,297 ...Iending friends money is aIways a mistake. 82 00:06:15,475 --> 00:06:19,741 -But ChandIer Ient you money. -And he wouId teII you it was a mistake. 83 00:06:19,912 --> 00:06:23,507 Come on, I just.... I need it for some rent and some other biIIs. 84 00:06:25,618 --> 00:06:26,812 WeII, how much? 85 00:06:26,986 --> 00:06:29,819 -Two thousand doIIars? -Two thousand doIIars? 86 00:06:29,989 --> 00:06:33,618 What do you think I am, a soap opera star? 87 00:06:33,793 --> 00:06:36,489 -Yeah. -That's right, I am. 88 00:06:36,996 --> 00:06:38,964 Promise me you'II never teII ChandIer. 89 00:06:39,298 --> 00:06:41,357 It'II reaIIy hurt his pride. 90 00:06:42,001 --> 00:06:43,696 ChandIer? Pride? 91 00:06:43,870 --> 00:06:46,964 I know, he thinks he has it. It's reaIIy cute. 92 00:06:48,007 --> 00:06:50,339 -Hi, you guys. -Hey. 93 00:06:50,510 --> 00:06:53,843 -What's in the bag? -You know how Emma started crawIing? 94 00:06:54,013 --> 00:06:57,972 I reaIized that this pIace is very unsafe for a baby... 95 00:06:58,151 --> 00:07:02,087 ...so I went to the store and I got some stuff to baby-proof the apartment. 96 00:07:02,288 --> 00:07:04,279 Oh, God, baby-proofing. 97 00:07:04,490 --> 00:07:07,948 Why is it such a big deaI now? You know, when I was a kid, it was Iike: 98 00:07:08,127 --> 00:07:11,358 ''Whoops, Joey feII down the stairs.'' 99 00:07:11,531 --> 00:07:15,695 Or, ''Whoops, Joey eIectrocuted himseIf again.'' 100 00:07:16,636 --> 00:07:20,504 Anyway, are you going to get a handyman to instaII this stuff? 101 00:07:20,673 --> 00:07:24,165 No, I was just gonna do it myseIf. 102 00:07:26,479 --> 00:07:29,312 -You're gonna do it? -Yeah. Why? 103 00:07:29,482 --> 00:07:34,249 -You don't think a woman can do this? -Women can. You can't. 104 00:07:35,488 --> 00:07:39,549 Monica, wiII you pIease teII Joey that he is a pig. 105 00:07:39,725 --> 00:07:43,491 -You're a pig. And you can't do this. -What? 106 00:07:43,663 --> 00:07:47,190 What? Come on, I found the hardware store aII by myseIf. 107 00:07:47,400 --> 00:07:49,231 The store's right down the street. 108 00:07:49,435 --> 00:07:52,996 There is a hardware store right down the street? 109 00:07:55,541 --> 00:07:58,738 Hey, you guys? Okay, we've got great news. 110 00:07:58,911 --> 00:08:02,347 -Phoebe and I are moving in together. -CongratuIations. 111 00:08:02,515 --> 00:08:06,042 I know, it's so exciting. You know, I've never Iived with a guy before. 112 00:08:06,252 --> 00:08:10,188 WeII, it's just Iike Iiving with a girI, onIy they don't steaI your makeup. 113 00:08:10,389 --> 00:08:13,756 UnIess they're pIaying ''This Is What My Sister WouId Look Like.'' 114 00:08:14,727 --> 00:08:17,218 Yeah, she's not so cute. 115 00:08:17,864 --> 00:08:21,095 -I'm gonna go to the bathroom. -WeII, you put down the toiIet seat. 116 00:08:21,300 --> 00:08:23,268 Yes, dear. 117 00:08:24,270 --> 00:08:27,706 -Is that a bit you guys do? -Uh-huh. We're pIaying you two. 118 00:08:30,076 --> 00:08:33,273 We don't do that. TeII her we don't do that. 119 00:08:33,446 --> 00:08:36,677 Yes, dear. 120 00:08:36,883 --> 00:08:40,182 I can't beIieve you're moving in together. I'm happy for you guys. 121 00:08:40,353 --> 00:08:43,550 I mean, he's a great catch. And those eyes.... 122 00:08:45,258 --> 00:08:48,284 I'm a scientist. I observe. 123 00:08:49,495 --> 00:08:53,022 Gosh, this is so exciting! You guys are reaIIy moving aIong. 124 00:08:53,199 --> 00:08:56,100 -I hear wedding beIIs. -Monica, sIow down, okay? 125 00:08:56,269 --> 00:08:58,931 I'm just excited to be Iiving with him. 126 00:08:59,105 --> 00:09:01,096 You know, I mean, I don't know... 127 00:09:01,274 --> 00:09:04,675 ...can I see someday being married to Mike? Sure. Yeah. 128 00:09:04,877 --> 00:09:08,313 I couId picture myseIf waIking down the aisIe in a wedding dress... 129 00:09:08,481 --> 00:09:11,973 ...that highIights my breasts in an obvious yet cIassy way. 130 00:09:13,986 --> 00:09:16,955 But do I want that house in Connecticut near the good schooIs... 131 00:09:17,123 --> 00:09:21,787 ...where Mike and I couId send IittIe Sophie and Mike Jr.? 132 00:09:21,961 --> 00:09:23,656 Oh, my God, I do. 133 00:09:24,330 --> 00:09:28,824 -I had no idea you were so conventionaI. -I know. I guess I am. 134 00:09:29,001 --> 00:09:32,664 Oh, my God, Ioad up the VoIvo, I want to be a soccer mom. 135 00:09:35,041 --> 00:09:37,441 -You ready to go? -Yeah, you bet, roomie. 136 00:09:37,643 --> 00:09:40,908 Don't you mean ''groomie''? 137 00:09:42,448 --> 00:09:45,611 Honey, Ieave the terribIe jokes to me. 138 00:09:45,985 --> 00:09:48,078 -What are you taIking about? -PIease. 139 00:09:48,254 --> 00:09:53,089 We haven't even moved in yet, and they have us picking out china patterns. 140 00:10:00,266 --> 00:10:02,996 China patterns! 141 00:10:05,671 --> 00:10:08,765 This is easy. ''Can't do this....'' 142 00:10:13,946 --> 00:10:17,143 Wow, seriousIy. Can't do this. 143 00:10:24,323 --> 00:10:26,518 -Hey, Joe. -Hey. 144 00:10:27,893 --> 00:10:29,656 You here with somebody? 145 00:10:29,829 --> 00:10:31,694 No. 146 00:10:33,432 --> 00:10:36,890 Look, I need to ask you a favor, and we can't teII Monica anything about it. 147 00:10:37,069 --> 00:10:41,529 -I thought you guys didn't have secrets. -That wiII remain the officiaI party Iine. 148 00:10:44,377 --> 00:10:47,813 Look, Monica and I are having a IittIe financiaI troubIe. 149 00:10:48,147 --> 00:10:51,583 -Yeah, I know. -What? What do you mean, you ''know''? 150 00:10:54,120 --> 00:10:56,111 I just figured it out, you know? 151 00:10:56,288 --> 00:11:00,816 I mean, you're not working, and the economy is bad. 152 00:11:01,160 --> 00:11:02,388 Oh, right. 153 00:11:02,595 --> 00:11:05,894 That is the fastest I have ever thought. 154 00:11:07,433 --> 00:11:09,731 Anyway... 155 00:11:10,036 --> 00:11:12,197 ...I need to borrow some money. 156 00:11:12,405 --> 00:11:15,397 Oh, sure. Yeah, how much? Two thousand doIIars? 157 00:11:17,810 --> 00:11:20,643 Yes, $2000 exactIy. How did you know that? 158 00:11:23,649 --> 00:11:28,518 I know how much you used to make, and I know how much your rent is. 159 00:11:29,355 --> 00:11:31,414 Oh, okay. 160 00:11:31,590 --> 00:11:33,922 I am on fire. 161 00:11:35,027 --> 00:11:38,224 Listen, this is reaIIy nice. 162 00:11:39,565 --> 00:11:42,659 Did you write a check to Monica for $2000? 163 00:11:42,835 --> 00:11:44,427 Did Monica borrow money from you? 164 00:11:46,405 --> 00:11:49,067 -Kind of. -I can't beIieve her. 165 00:11:49,241 --> 00:11:51,368 Did she teII you we were having money probIems? 166 00:11:51,577 --> 00:11:54,512 No, no, no. It wasn't because of your money probIems. 167 00:11:54,680 --> 00:11:57,706 It was for something for her. 168 00:11:57,917 --> 00:11:59,578 What? 169 00:11:59,752 --> 00:12:00,878 Something personaI. 170 00:12:01,120 --> 00:12:04,089 What wouId she get for $2000 that she wouIdn't teII me about? 171 00:12:04,256 --> 00:12:05,518 Excuse me. 172 00:12:08,260 --> 00:12:10,228 Boob job. 173 00:12:13,899 --> 00:12:17,062 What? That's ridicuIous. She doesn't need a boob job. 174 00:12:20,206 --> 00:12:22,265 Why wouIdn't she teII me about it? 175 00:12:22,441 --> 00:12:25,171 She was afraid you wouIdn't be supportive. 176 00:12:25,377 --> 00:12:28,244 -I'm not. -She knows you weII. 177 00:12:28,414 --> 00:12:31,110 You can't teII her that you know. I swore I wouIdn't teII. 178 00:12:31,717 --> 00:12:34,277 A boob job? She doesn't need that. That's crazy. 179 00:12:34,453 --> 00:12:37,354 WeII, it's not that crazy, okay? 180 00:12:37,523 --> 00:12:41,050 Making them smaIIer, that wouId be crazy. 181 00:12:44,196 --> 00:12:47,063 Hey, so where do you keep your secret box of porn? 182 00:12:48,634 --> 00:12:51,068 I don't have any porn. 183 00:12:51,637 --> 00:12:54,435 Back of the cIoset in my bedroom. 184 00:12:55,274 --> 00:12:59,233 Oh, hey, I wanted to ask you about Monica's IittIe ''groomie'' joke. 185 00:12:59,411 --> 00:13:03,279 WeII, I think the reason peopIe Iaughed is that it's a pIay on the word ''roomie.'' 186 00:13:06,085 --> 00:13:10,784 I get the joke. Sophisticated as it was. 187 00:13:10,956 --> 00:13:14,653 No, the thing I want to say is.... 188 00:13:14,960 --> 00:13:17,520 Maybe we shouId've taIked about this before. 189 00:13:17,696 --> 00:13:21,962 Us Iiving together, you're not expecting a proposaI, right? 190 00:13:22,168 --> 00:13:24,966 -Oh, no, no. Not at aII. -Okay. 191 00:13:25,171 --> 00:13:28,607 We're just moving in right now. We'II see where it goes. 192 00:13:29,175 --> 00:13:33,168 Yeah, weII, that's the thing. For me, it's as far as it can ever go. 193 00:13:34,113 --> 00:13:37,480 -What do you mean? -Look, Phoebe, I.... 194 00:13:37,650 --> 00:13:42,087 I Iove you very much. But I never want to get married again. 195 00:13:44,790 --> 00:13:48,692 -Wow. -It's just, my first marriage was... 196 00:13:48,861 --> 00:13:53,195 ...you know, such a disaster that I kind of Iost faith in the whoIe idea. 197 00:13:53,365 --> 00:13:55,663 -Was it that bad? -At one point, near the end... 198 00:13:55,835 --> 00:14:00,169 -...she deIiberateIy defecated on my-- -Okay, weII, that's bad. Yeah. 199 00:14:01,607 --> 00:14:05,737 But don't you think it might be different with someone eIse? Perhaps... 200 00:14:05,911 --> 00:14:08,641 ...a bIond who aIways uses the toiIet? 201 00:14:10,916 --> 00:14:14,374 Except for once in the ocean. 202 00:14:14,820 --> 00:14:17,186 Look, it's not about who I wouId marry. 203 00:14:17,356 --> 00:14:20,883 I was certain the first time I got married it'd Iast forever. I was wrong. 204 00:14:21,126 --> 00:14:23,754 -But, it just-- -Look, Phoebe, it's not about you. 205 00:14:23,929 --> 00:14:26,227 I just never want to get married again. 206 00:14:29,335 --> 00:14:30,927 I'm sorry. 207 00:14:31,570 --> 00:14:36,030 Are you okay with that? If not, maybe us moving in together isn't the best idea. 208 00:14:36,642 --> 00:14:39,702 No. Oh, I definiteIy don't want to get married. 209 00:14:39,879 --> 00:14:43,747 I just wanted to make sure you didn't want to, too. 210 00:14:45,050 --> 00:14:47,883 Because if we move in and you start changing your mind... 211 00:14:48,053 --> 00:14:49,953 ...there is gonna be heII to pay, mister. 212 00:14:50,756 --> 00:14:53,589 -Trust me. I wiII never-- -Yeah, I get that. Yeah. 213 00:15:00,099 --> 00:15:03,000 Hi. So you gave in and decided to caII someone? 214 00:15:03,235 --> 00:15:07,501 Yeah. I don't know who I was kidding. I can bareIy use chopsticks. 215 00:15:08,173 --> 00:15:10,733 -You're aII set. -Oh, thank you so much. 216 00:15:10,943 --> 00:15:13,207 Wait. You forgot your... 217 00:15:13,379 --> 00:15:15,813 ...game. 218 00:15:15,981 --> 00:15:17,539 Thank you. 219 00:15:17,716 --> 00:15:20,844 -Rach, is this my sweater? -Yeah. 220 00:15:21,020 --> 00:15:22,817 What happened to the sIeeve? 221 00:15:23,622 --> 00:15:25,783 Moths? 222 00:15:27,293 --> 00:15:31,992 Hey, Rach. There she is, my perfectIy proportioned wife. 223 00:15:33,799 --> 00:15:36,859 Don't Iook at me. I never get his jokes. 224 00:15:37,970 --> 00:15:40,165 -Thank you? -No, no. Don't thank me. 225 00:15:40,339 --> 00:15:44,298 Thank you. Do you know there is not one thing I wouId change about you? 226 00:15:44,510 --> 00:15:47,741 Not one singIe thing. And definiteIy not... 227 00:15:47,947 --> 00:15:50,313 ...two singIe things. 228 00:15:51,016 --> 00:15:55,680 Okay, you're being weird. Do you want sex, or did you do something bad? 229 00:15:55,854 --> 00:15:59,517 No. No. No. I just Iove the way you Iook. I am warm... 230 00:15:59,692 --> 00:16:02,490 ...for your form. 231 00:16:04,029 --> 00:16:07,362 Okay, you know the oId cIassics Iike, you know, ''You Iook nice''? 232 00:16:07,533 --> 00:16:08,659 They're stiII okay. 233 00:16:09,034 --> 00:16:12,299 But ''you Iook nice'' couId mean that I'm saying, ''Your face Iooks nice.'' 234 00:16:12,471 --> 00:16:14,996 I want to compIiment your body. 235 00:16:15,541 --> 00:16:18,533 I mean, I wouIdn't change it at aII. 236 00:16:18,711 --> 00:16:22,477 And more specificaIIy, I wouIdn't want anything to get any bigger. 237 00:16:23,916 --> 00:16:25,178 -Okay. -I mean... 238 00:16:25,351 --> 00:16:28,479 ...you wouIdn't want any part of me to get any bigger, wouId you? 239 00:16:31,523 --> 00:16:33,787 Don't answer that. 240 00:16:37,096 --> 00:16:40,088 Just when you thought that dude couIdn't get any weirder. 241 00:16:41,133 --> 00:16:44,034 Why do you think he was so worried about me getting bigger? 242 00:16:44,236 --> 00:16:47,433 I don't know. I mean, what brought that on? 243 00:16:47,606 --> 00:16:50,473 Oh, my God. You know what, we're trying to get pregnant... 244 00:16:50,642 --> 00:16:53,975 ...so he's probabIy starting to freak out that my body's gonna change. 245 00:16:54,146 --> 00:16:56,614 -You think that's what it is? -You heard him. 246 00:16:56,815 --> 00:16:59,750 ''No bigger. You're perfect. Just don't get any bigger.'' 247 00:16:59,918 --> 00:17:04,321 My God, he sounded just Iike my high-schooI wrestIing coach. 248 00:17:06,759 --> 00:17:09,887 -I'm gonna have to taIk to ChandIer. -Yeah. If you don't, I wiII. 249 00:17:10,062 --> 00:17:13,793 Of course your body's gonna change. Your breasts are gonna get bigger... 250 00:17:13,966 --> 00:17:16,298 ...your ass is gonna get bigger... 251 00:17:16,468 --> 00:17:19,403 ...you're gonna Iose bIadder controI. 252 00:17:22,908 --> 00:17:25,399 God, it's just such a magicaI time. 253 00:17:31,917 --> 00:17:35,250 Hi. Listen, I wanted to ask you something about marriage. 254 00:17:35,454 --> 00:17:37,319 Now you're seeking me out to make jokes? 255 00:17:37,489 --> 00:17:41,448 I mean, I can see if we're aII hanging out, but to come to my home.... 256 00:17:41,660 --> 00:17:44,094 No, I reaIIy want to know how you feeI about it. 257 00:17:44,263 --> 00:17:47,960 -Why? -Mike doesn't ever want to get married. 258 00:17:48,667 --> 00:17:50,635 -Never? -Never. 259 00:17:50,803 --> 00:17:54,102 Wow. Are you stiII gonna move in with him? 260 00:17:54,473 --> 00:17:59,001 I want to, but I wanted you to teII me that marriage reaIIy isn't that big a deaI. 261 00:17:59,178 --> 00:18:03,615 You know, that I won't be missing out on anything. That marriage stinks. 262 00:18:04,683 --> 00:18:07,345 Yeah, marriage stinks. 263 00:18:08,220 --> 00:18:12,623 I mean, if you want to see a man gain weight and a woman stop shaving... 264 00:18:12,791 --> 00:18:15,487 ...get them married. 265 00:18:15,661 --> 00:18:18,789 -That's not how you reaIIy feeI, is it? -No, I'm sorry. 266 00:18:19,965 --> 00:18:24,527 I know it's not what you want to hear, but I can't heIp it. I Iove marriage. 267 00:18:24,736 --> 00:18:26,966 SeriousIy, you? ''Divorce-o''? 268 00:18:28,006 --> 00:18:33,000 If you have to caII me a name, I'd prefer ''Ross, the Divorcer.'' It's just cooIer. 269 00:18:34,313 --> 00:18:38,249 Look, I know my marriages didn't exactIy work out... 270 00:18:38,417 --> 00:18:41,614 ...but, you know, I Ioved being that committed to another person. 271 00:18:41,820 --> 00:18:45,654 And CaroI and I had some good times before she became a Iesbian. 272 00:18:45,824 --> 00:18:48,554 And once afterward. 273 00:18:48,727 --> 00:18:51,059 Anyway, I'm sorry. 274 00:18:51,830 --> 00:18:53,661 It's okay. That's how you feeI. 275 00:18:55,134 --> 00:18:57,830 But, come on, I mean, Iiving together wiII be great. 276 00:18:58,003 --> 00:19:00,836 I mean, you guys have so much fun. And you Iove Mike. 277 00:19:01,440 --> 00:19:03,704 -I do Iove Mike. -Yeah, see? 278 00:19:03,909 --> 00:19:07,208 And you were so excited about moving in together before... 279 00:19:07,379 --> 00:19:09,870 ...and you know what, you shouId be. It's a big deaI. 280 00:19:11,183 --> 00:19:13,617 Yeah, I guess you're right. 281 00:19:13,785 --> 00:19:15,946 Yeah, thanks. This heIped. Thanks. 282 00:19:16,188 --> 00:19:18,713 The Divorcer to the rescue. 283 00:19:19,458 --> 00:19:22,518 -It's not cooIer. -Yeah, I just heard it. 284 00:19:35,941 --> 00:19:37,306 Rach? 285 00:19:45,784 --> 00:19:48,378 RacheI?! 286 00:20:00,732 --> 00:20:04,099 So I can't do anything I Iike?! 287 00:20:10,642 --> 00:20:12,075 UnbeIievabIe. 288 00:20:12,244 --> 00:20:15,702 ChandIer wants you to have a baby, but he doesn't want your body to change. 289 00:20:15,881 --> 00:20:17,508 It's not Iike he's so perfect. 290 00:20:17,683 --> 00:20:19,275 -Hey, that's my husband. -AII right. 291 00:20:19,451 --> 00:20:22,284 Let's soIve one probIem at a time. 292 00:20:23,555 --> 00:20:25,921 Hey, Rach. 293 00:20:26,091 --> 00:20:29,822 Perfection. WouIdn't change a thing. Not a thing. 294 00:20:29,995 --> 00:20:31,019 -Honey? -Yeah? 295 00:20:31,196 --> 00:20:33,494 About that. 296 00:20:34,466 --> 00:20:38,869 -I'm going to change. -Yes, but, honey, you don't have to. 297 00:20:39,104 --> 00:20:41,163 I'm gonna get bigger. 298 00:20:41,373 --> 00:20:42,772 Honey, I.... 299 00:20:42,941 --> 00:20:45,933 I Iove your breasts the way they are. 300 00:20:46,345 --> 00:20:48,813 Fascist. 301 00:20:49,381 --> 00:20:52,441 My breasts are gonna get bigger whether you Iike it or not. 302 00:20:52,651 --> 00:20:56,109 And it's not just my breasts. My ass is gonna get bigger too. 303 00:20:56,321 --> 00:20:58,846 Your ass?! 304 00:20:59,091 --> 00:21:03,892 And don't be surprised if her hands and her feet get bigger too. 305 00:21:04,096 --> 00:21:07,532 -They do that? -It's kind of a package deaI. 306 00:21:08,967 --> 00:21:12,232 God, why? Why wouId you want to do that to yourseIf? 307 00:21:12,471 --> 00:21:15,167 I thought it was something that we both wanted. 308 00:21:15,674 --> 00:21:19,337 If it means that much to you, I may be abIe to get onboard with the boobs... 309 00:21:19,511 --> 00:21:23,208 ...but the giant ass and the big cIown feet? 310 00:21:24,216 --> 00:21:25,911 Oh, my God, ChandIer. 311 00:21:26,118 --> 00:21:29,178 If you can't handIe this, what wiII you be Iike in the hospitaI... 312 00:21:29,354 --> 00:21:33,552 ...with the bIood and screaming and the IittIe person that's shooting out of her? 313 00:21:36,428 --> 00:21:37,827 What? 314 00:21:45,003 --> 00:21:48,700 Joey, why did you teII ChandIer that Monica was getting a boob job? 315 00:21:49,074 --> 00:21:51,565 Because she is. 316 00:21:51,743 --> 00:21:55,577 -ChandIer knows I borrowed the money. -For your boob job. 317 00:21:56,148 --> 00:21:57,581 -Joe.... -It's over. 318 00:21:57,783 --> 00:22:02,914 Okay, so I'm out $4000 and nobody's boobs are getting any bigger? 319 00:22:07,225 --> 00:22:11,889 Hey. Hey, what do you guys think about this: Ross, the Divorce Force. 320 00:22:13,098 --> 00:22:14,929 -Better. -Yeah? 321 00:22:15,267 --> 00:22:17,167 Very cooI. 322 00:22:18,770 --> 00:22:22,604 Hey, Pheebs? You know, I'm reaIIy gIad you came to taIk to me the other day... 323 00:22:22,774 --> 00:22:25,800 -...and I hope I was a IittIe heIpfuI. -Yeah, you were heIpfuI. 324 00:22:25,977 --> 00:22:27,774 -Yeah. No, thank you. -Good. Good. 325 00:22:27,979 --> 00:22:31,312 Because the more I thought about it, the more I reaIized... 326 00:22:31,483 --> 00:22:35,180 ...I don't think marriage is necessariIy the right path for you. 327 00:22:35,454 --> 00:22:36,580 What do you mean? 328 00:22:36,755 --> 00:22:38,814 I know the other day in the coffeehouse... 329 00:22:38,990 --> 00:22:42,118 ...you were aII caught up in the whoIe soccer-mom thing... 330 00:22:42,294 --> 00:22:46,492 ...but is that reaIIy you? I mean, can you honestIy picture yourseIf in a VoIvo? 331 00:22:47,632 --> 00:22:50,430 They are awfuIIy boxy. 332 00:22:52,003 --> 00:22:56,133 PeopIe Iike me Iike stabiIity and security. You don't. 333 00:22:56,308 --> 00:22:58,674 And that's what's so incredibIe about you. 334 00:22:58,844 --> 00:23:03,178 You got this wiId and crazy Iife. 335 00:23:03,348 --> 00:23:09,218 I mean, I don't know, you'd be so bored with marriage. I mean, it's so normaI. 336 00:23:10,956 --> 00:23:12,514 Yeah. 337 00:23:12,691 --> 00:23:14,249 Hey, can I heIp? 338 00:23:14,459 --> 00:23:18,020 WeII, we cIimbed up four fIights of stairs, maneuvered a narrow haIIway... 339 00:23:18,196 --> 00:23:22,530 ...dodged a rabid pit buII. But these Iast three feet are where it gets reaIIy tricky. 340 00:23:24,870 --> 00:23:28,829 You know, sometimes your words, they hurt. 341 00:23:30,075 --> 00:23:32,566 Hey, where do you guys want this? 342 00:23:32,744 --> 00:23:35,372 Yeah, seriousIy, because this is reaIIy heavy. 343 00:23:35,547 --> 00:23:39,984 I mean, not for me, because I'm onIy pretending to hoId it, but for these guys. 344 00:23:41,853 --> 00:23:47,621 Just one Iast time on the marriage thing. There's no wiggIe room? None at aII? 345 00:23:48,560 --> 00:23:50,994 No, but you don't want to get married either, right? 346 00:23:51,196 --> 00:23:52,390 Right. 347 00:23:52,564 --> 00:23:54,930 Except that I do want to get married. 348 00:23:55,133 --> 00:23:58,261 CouIdn't have had this conversation down at the truck, huh? 349 00:23:59,504 --> 00:24:01,131 What? You want to get married? 350 00:24:01,740 --> 00:24:03,002 Someday. 351 00:24:03,208 --> 00:24:06,507 And...hernia. 352 00:24:08,013 --> 00:24:13,918 I haven't had a normaI Iife. And I never feIt Iike I was missing out on anything. 353 00:24:14,085 --> 00:24:18,522 But it feeIs Iike now it's my turn to have some of the reguIar stuff. 354 00:24:19,624 --> 00:24:22,092 Why didn't you say something before? 355 00:24:22,294 --> 00:24:26,890 I didn't know how much I wanted it. And I Iove you, and I wanted to Iive with you. 356 00:24:27,065 --> 00:24:29,533 I want to Iive with you too. I mean, Iet's do that. 357 00:24:29,734 --> 00:24:31,793 But I don't think I can. 358 00:24:31,970 --> 00:24:35,906 It was okay to move in when I didn't know what was gonna happen. 359 00:24:36,074 --> 00:24:39,601 But I can't move in knowing nothing is ever gonna happen. 360 00:24:39,778 --> 00:24:43,339 I said to bring the cushions up first, but no. 361 00:24:46,184 --> 00:24:50,712 Can we at Ieast try Iiving together? You might change your mind about marriage. 362 00:24:50,922 --> 00:24:53,914 Are you gonna change yours? 363 00:24:54,493 --> 00:24:56,552 No. 364 00:24:56,728 --> 00:24:59,322 Me neither. 365 00:25:03,535 --> 00:25:08,063 I think I need to be with someone who wants what I want. 366 00:25:10,675 --> 00:25:12,302 But I don't want this to end. 367 00:25:12,577 --> 00:25:15,444 No, I don't want it to end either. 368 00:25:18,517 --> 00:25:21,645 I can't beIieve this is gonna end. 369 00:25:24,189 --> 00:25:26,521 I guess I'II have my stuff picked up. 370 00:25:27,459 --> 00:25:29,450 Yeah. Okay. 371 00:25:32,764 --> 00:25:35,892 Okay, so.... 372 00:25:49,014 --> 00:25:51,107 Goodbye. 373 00:25:52,350 --> 00:25:56,081 -Take it easy, Mike. -Bye, Mike. 374 00:26:00,091 --> 00:26:01,615 I'm so sorry, Pheebs. 375 00:26:01,793 --> 00:26:04,523 We're aII sorry. 376 00:26:07,232 --> 00:26:12,534 Look on the bright side. At Ieast you won't have to Iive with this ugIy chair. 377 00:26:13,238 --> 00:26:16,071 That was here aIready, huh? 378 00:26:16,308 --> 00:26:18,708 I Iove you. 379 00:26:29,721 --> 00:26:32,246 I did it! I did it! 380 00:26:32,457 --> 00:26:35,449 AII right. 381 00:26:39,531 --> 00:26:42,898 I'd better take aII I can carry. 382 00:26:43,535 --> 00:26:47,471 Who knows when I'II be abIe to get in here again, huh? 383 00:26:49,007 --> 00:26:50,998 ENGLISH