1
00:00:02,736 --> 00:00:04,931
-Hey.
-Yeah. Yeah, okay. Sure.

2
00:00:05,105 --> 00:00:08,006
Look, can we taIk
about what happened here Iast night?

3
00:00:08,174 --> 00:00:11,905
Sure. Just give me a second
to get aII huffy and weird Iike you.

4
00:00:12,445 --> 00:00:17,974
You beIieve that whoever did something
Iast night did what they did or didn't do?

5
00:00:18,651 --> 00:00:21,279
Okay, you reaIIy don't know
what I'm taIking about?

6
00:00:21,488 --> 00:00:23,956
-No.
-Okay. Last night, after the party...

7
00:00:24,124 --> 00:00:27,719
...I saw RacheI kissing that jerk
from her office out on your baIcony.

8
00:00:27,927 --> 00:00:29,326
Our baIcony? SeriousIy?

9
00:00:29,496 --> 00:00:32,863
That's so funny. I toId Monica
we shouId put Iights on our baIcony...

10
00:00:33,033 --> 00:00:36,696
...and she said, ''No, no. It's too coId.
Nobody wiII go out there.'' And I said:

11
00:00:36,870 --> 00:00:39,338
''Maybe if we put some Iights
out there they wiII.''

12
00:00:41,741 --> 00:00:45,370
Right, that's what I came over to taIk
about. I saw RacheI kissing some guy...

13
00:00:45,545 --> 00:00:49,311
...on your baIcony,
even though there were no Iights!

14
00:00:50,517 --> 00:00:53,247
So are you gonna taIk to her?

15
00:00:53,453 --> 00:00:57,287
Why? Why shouId I? I mean,
if she wants to move on, that's fine.

16
00:00:57,490 --> 00:01:01,051
You know when ''that's fine'' sounds
true? When someone yeIIs it and spits.

17
00:01:01,828 --> 00:01:06,527
No, I'm serious. I mean, if she wants
to date peopIe, fine. I don't care.

18
00:01:06,699 --> 00:01:08,860
But at Ieast she couId have toId me.

19
00:01:09,035 --> 00:01:12,527
You know, I've been putting my Iife
on hoId and concentrating on Emma.

20
00:01:12,772 --> 00:01:18,369
But if she wants to go out there kissing
guys she bareIy knows, then so wiII I.

21
00:01:21,281 --> 00:01:23,681
Very funny! Ross is gay!

22
00:01:25,218 --> 00:01:27,049
No, no.
Good, so you're moving on.

23
00:01:27,220 --> 00:01:29,711
Do you have any idea
where you're moving on to?

24
00:01:29,923 --> 00:01:31,823
I've got pIenty of opportunities.

25
00:01:31,991 --> 00:01:36,485
Just now, there was some woman
at the coffeehouse smiIed at me.

26
00:01:36,663 --> 00:01:42,192
And then the other day on the subway,
a woman ''accidentaIIy'' sat on my hand.

27
00:01:42,869 --> 00:01:47,203
Dude, don't rub my face
in your crazy singIe Iife.

28
00:01:47,807 --> 00:01:50,105
And there's an anthropoIogist
at schooI...

29
00:01:50,310 --> 00:01:54,041
...who totaIIy came on to me during
the interdepartmentaI potIuck dinner.

30
00:01:54,247 --> 00:01:56,875
Why did I get married?

31
00:02:47,100 --> 00:02:49,728
Hey, Iet me ask you guys something.

32
00:02:49,969 --> 00:02:51,766
I'm having new headshots
taken tomorrow.

33
00:02:51,938 --> 00:02:55,271
The photographer said she thinks
I shouId have my eyebrows waxed.

34
00:02:55,475 --> 00:02:57,773
Is that weird for a guy?

35
00:02:58,111 --> 00:03:00,272
-WeII, it depends.
-On?

36
00:03:00,480 --> 00:03:03,313
On how far aIong he is
in the sex-change process.

37
00:03:04,984 --> 00:03:08,943
No, I totaIIy disagree. I think it's fine
for a guy to do something Iike that.

38
00:03:09,122 --> 00:03:10,714
EspeciaIIy an actor.

39
00:03:10,924 --> 00:03:13,791
I mean, not that you need to.
Your eyebrows are....

40
00:03:17,997 --> 00:03:20,795
Stop it, you guys. Stop staring,
you're freaking me out.

41
00:03:21,000 --> 00:03:23,298
Your knuckIes are kind of hairy too.

42
00:03:24,137 --> 00:03:26,799
Oh, man, now I have to get
those done too?

43
00:03:27,006 --> 00:03:31,067
-Wow, taIk about high maintenance.
-You dye your hair.

44
00:03:31,277 --> 00:03:34,474
-I'm a woman.
-DoubIe standards!

45
00:03:35,782 --> 00:03:38,751
Before I forget, are you coming
to Mike's piano bar tonight?

46
00:03:38,952 --> 00:03:42,786
-OnIy if I don't have to get up and sing.
-But everybody sings. It's so fun.

47
00:03:42,956 --> 00:03:47,120
Last time, this adorabIe oId man got up
there, forgot aII the words, fIipped out...

48
00:03:47,293 --> 00:03:51,662
...and everyone booed him off the stage.
It was so funny.

49
00:03:52,999 --> 00:03:55,331
Look, I'm not good at singing.

50
00:03:55,535 --> 00:03:59,665
Oh, what's the matter? You scared?
You afraid I'm a better singer?

51
00:03:59,839 --> 00:04:02,034
You afraid I'm gonna beat you
at singing?

52
00:04:04,344 --> 00:04:07,802
Nope. Nope. It's not working on me.

53
00:04:07,981 --> 00:04:11,007
Wow, I must be growing up.

54
00:04:12,685 --> 00:04:17,054
Okay, fine. Just pIease come and
support Mike. You don't have to sing.

55
00:04:17,290 --> 00:04:21,420
So I don't have to sing, and I can just sit
there and pass judgment on others?

56
00:04:21,628 --> 00:04:23,858
-WhiIe drinking.
-I'm there.

57
00:04:26,366 --> 00:04:28,857
Hi, you guys.
Listen, I reaIIy need your heIp.

58
00:04:29,068 --> 00:04:31,536
I think I did something
reaIIy stupid.

59
00:04:31,704 --> 00:04:35,367
WeII, yes, RacheI, but you got something
so beautifuI out of it.

60
00:04:38,011 --> 00:04:40,809
No, not that.
I kissed Gavin Iast night.

61
00:04:41,014 --> 00:04:42,072
-My God.
-You kissed him?

62
00:04:42,248 --> 00:04:44,842
Yeah, it was after the party,
we were on the baIcony--

63
00:04:45,051 --> 00:04:48,384
Wait, wait, wait. I was at home
the whoIe time. How did I miss that?

64
00:04:48,588 --> 00:04:52,718
WeII, it was the end of the party. You
were probabIy ironing wrapping paper.

65
00:04:53,559 --> 00:04:55,151
Oh, yeah.

66
00:04:57,864 --> 00:04:59,729
So how did you end up kissing?

67
00:04:59,966 --> 00:05:02,264
We were aII aIone
and he was being reaIIy nice...

68
00:05:02,468 --> 00:05:05,665
-...and he gave me this scarf.
-I thought you hated him.

69
00:05:05,838 --> 00:05:08,568
WeII, there is a thin Iine
between Iove and hate...

70
00:05:08,741 --> 00:05:13,337
...and it turns out that Iine
is a scarf.

71
00:05:15,214 --> 00:05:17,739
Are you thinking of starting
something up with this guy?

72
00:05:17,917 --> 00:05:20,943
I don't know. It's so compIicated.
I work with this guy.

73
00:05:21,120 --> 00:05:24,681
I have the baby, and I have Ross.
I don't know what to do.

74
00:05:24,857 --> 00:05:28,088
And I have to be at the office
and see Gavin in 1 0 minutes.

75
00:05:28,294 --> 00:05:31,855
Sounds Iike you need to think
about what you want and taIk to Gavin.

76
00:05:32,031 --> 00:05:35,990
-And you definiteIy shouId taIk to Ross.
-Or...

77
00:05:36,602 --> 00:05:39,730
...I couId caII in sick
and not deaI with it at aII.

78
00:05:40,773 --> 00:05:43,742
Wow! Five months maternity Ieave,
you're back for four days...

79
00:05:43,910 --> 00:05:48,210
...kiss a co-worker and caII in sick.
They are Iucky to have you.

80
00:05:56,155 --> 00:05:57,247
-Hi.
-Hi.

81
00:05:57,423 --> 00:06:02,224
-I'm here for my eyebrow appointment.
-Name?

82
00:06:02,428 --> 00:06:04,157
ChandIer Bing.

83
00:06:06,632 --> 00:06:08,099
Okay, very good.

84
00:06:08,267 --> 00:06:11,464
Have a seat right here, Mr. Bing,
and Sonya wiII be right with you.

85
00:06:11,637 --> 00:06:13,730
Okay. Thanks.

86
00:06:59,152 --> 00:07:02,087
I touched the stuff.

87
00:07:02,889 --> 00:07:05,153
I'II take care of it.

88
00:07:09,228 --> 00:07:10,695
Thanks.

89
00:07:10,863 --> 00:07:13,957
So do you...?
Do you get a Iot of guys in here?

90
00:07:14,133 --> 00:07:16,897
-Oh, absoIuteIy.
-Oh, good.

91
00:07:17,136 --> 00:07:20,731
-You Iooking to meet somebody?
-AII right, Iet's just do this.

92
00:07:21,974 --> 00:07:24,568
Okay, we'II get to the wax in a minute.

93
00:07:24,744 --> 00:07:27,508
First, I want to tweeze
some of the strays, okay?

94
00:07:27,680 --> 00:07:31,639
-Now, this may sting just a IittIe bit.
-I have an extremeIy high threshoId--

95
00:07:31,818 --> 00:07:35,879
HoIy Mother of God!
Oh, my face! My face!

96
00:07:41,928 --> 00:07:44,226
I'm aII right. I'm aII right. I'm aII right.

97
00:07:44,397 --> 00:07:47,764
It's just a bit of shock, that's aII.

98
00:07:47,934 --> 00:07:52,394
-But I'II be fine. You can go again.
-Okay.

99
00:07:55,908 --> 00:07:57,569
Sorry.

100
00:08:02,915 --> 00:08:05,383
Damn it, woman!

101
00:08:18,698 --> 00:08:22,099
It's the most eIigibIe man in New York.
How's the moving on going?

102
00:08:23,769 --> 00:08:27,796
Not weII. I went on the subway again
and someone did sit on my hand...

103
00:08:27,974 --> 00:08:31,933
...but that person was neither femaIe
nor wearing pants.

104
00:08:33,379 --> 00:08:37,315
Maybe you're going about this
the wrong way. I mean, think about it:

105
00:08:37,483 --> 00:08:41,943
SingIe white maIe, divorced three times,
two iIIegitimate chiIdren.

106
00:08:44,190 --> 00:08:46,818
The personaI ad writes itseIf.

107
00:08:47,827 --> 00:08:51,786
You know, that's funny. Yeah.
So do you think you'II ever work again?

108
00:08:53,299 --> 00:08:56,598
What are you doing?
You know I can onIy dish it out.

109
00:08:57,336 --> 00:09:01,830
I can't beIieve RacheI just moved on
and didn't say anything to me.

110
00:09:02,008 --> 00:09:03,635
Maybe she didn't move on.

111
00:09:03,809 --> 00:09:07,438
Maybe that kiss was just an impuIsive,
one-time birthday thing.

112
00:09:07,613 --> 00:09:10,605
No, a month ago, she gave her number
to some guy in a bar.

113
00:09:10,816 --> 00:09:12,909
-Did she go out with him?
-No. When he caIIed...

114
00:09:13,085 --> 00:09:14,575
...I threw the message away.

115
00:09:16,422 --> 00:09:18,413
The high road.

116
00:09:19,158 --> 00:09:23,618
AII right, you know what? Enough.
Enough taIking. I have to get moving.

117
00:09:24,230 --> 00:09:28,860
Hey, check out those two bIonds
over there. Hey, come with me.

118
00:09:29,101 --> 00:09:31,729
Are you trying to get
everybody divorced?

119
00:09:32,338 --> 00:09:35,796
You don't have to do anything.
It'II just be easier if it's two of us.

120
00:09:35,975 --> 00:09:40,309
Like coIIege, remember? First, you
break the ice with some kind of a joke...

121
00:09:40,479 --> 00:09:44,540
...so they know you're the funny one. I
swoop in with interesting conversation...

122
00:09:44,750 --> 00:09:48,982
...so they'II see that I'm the briIIiant,
brooding, sexy one.

123
00:09:52,024 --> 00:09:54,390
I thought I got to make the jokes.

124
00:09:56,195 --> 00:09:59,358
-Don't you have to be at work?
-Oh, come on.

125
00:10:02,034 --> 00:10:07,028
HeIIo. Hi, my name's ChandIer.
This is my friend Ross right here.

126
00:10:07,206 --> 00:10:08,798
We were wondering...

127
00:10:08,975 --> 00:10:12,968
...if you're up for it, we onIy need
six more peopIe for a human pyramid.

128
00:10:15,381 --> 00:10:16,848
Swoop. Swoop.

129
00:10:20,886 --> 00:10:24,686
Hey, I notice
you're reading the paper.

130
00:10:24,857 --> 00:10:27,189
Another fIood in Europe, huh?

131
00:10:29,562 --> 00:10:31,655
Here's a question:

132
00:10:32,932 --> 00:10:38,063
WouId you rather drown
or be burned aIive?

133
00:10:39,405 --> 00:10:43,842
-I'm sorry, we're just Ieaving.
-Okay.

134
00:10:46,946 --> 00:10:48,675
We stiII got it.

135
00:10:57,723 --> 00:11:01,750
-Who is it?
-Gavin. I brought you some soup.

136
00:11:01,927 --> 00:11:04,418
-Why?
-I heard you were sick.

137
00:11:04,597 --> 00:11:08,465
Oh, right! HoId on,
Iet me just cIean up in here a IittIe bit.

138
00:11:19,211 --> 00:11:21,338
HeIIo, Gavin.

139
00:11:22,281 --> 00:11:24,215
I missed you at work.
How you feeIing?

140
00:11:24,417 --> 00:11:28,114
I'm not gonna Iie to you, I'm pretty sick.

141
00:11:28,287 --> 00:11:31,450
Oh, good. Because I was having
a totaIIy paranoid moment...

142
00:11:31,624 --> 00:11:33,854
...where I thought you
caIIed in sick to avoid me.

143
00:11:34,060 --> 00:11:36,961
Oh, no, no, no.

144
00:11:39,865 --> 00:11:41,799
So I had fun Iast night.

145
00:11:42,568 --> 00:11:44,468
So did I.

146
00:11:47,173 --> 00:11:49,403
ExactIy how contagious
is this thing you have?

147
00:11:49,575 --> 00:11:54,808
Is it a coId from standing on
the baIcony, or did a monkey bite you?

148
00:11:55,381 --> 00:11:58,248
-It's just a coId.
-Do you have a fever?

149
00:11:58,417 --> 00:12:00,681
Let me see.

150
00:12:06,425 --> 00:12:08,120
What? What is it?
What's the matter?

151
00:12:08,294 --> 00:12:10,785
What's Ross doing to you
in that picture?

152
00:12:10,963 --> 00:12:14,694
Oh, he's dusting me with a fossiI brush.

153
00:12:15,534 --> 00:12:18,298
He thought it wouId be funny.

154
00:12:18,471 --> 00:12:20,701
-Right. Right.
-Yeah.

155
00:12:20,906 --> 00:12:22,897
-Ross.
-Yeah.

156
00:12:23,676 --> 00:12:26,907
What's the deaI with you guys? I don't
wanna get in the middIe of anything.

157
00:12:27,113 --> 00:12:32,107
You're not getting in the middIe
of anything. Don't worry about Ross.

158
00:12:32,318 --> 00:12:34,684
Hide! That's Ross! Hide!

159
00:12:35,287 --> 00:12:37,551
-Hide! Hide!
-Yeah, but you said not to worry--

160
00:12:37,723 --> 00:12:40,521
I Iied and I'm not sick either!
Just stay behind the curtain!

161
00:12:44,630 --> 00:12:47,690
-Hi.
-Oh, MoIIy. You're not Ross.

162
00:12:47,867 --> 00:12:50,734
No. I'm here to take Emma
to your mother's, remember?

163
00:12:50,970 --> 00:12:52,528
Right. Yes, yes.

164
00:12:53,305 --> 00:12:55,569
-Don't panic.
-What?

165
00:12:55,741 --> 00:12:58,005
There is a man behind your curtain.

166
00:12:58,177 --> 00:13:01,806
-I have Mace in my purse.
-No, that's okay! No, no, no.

167
00:13:01,981 --> 00:13:07,009
This is my business associate Gavin
being siIIy. Come out from behind there.

168
00:13:08,254 --> 00:13:11,382
Hi. Gavin. PIeased to meet you.

169
00:13:12,358 --> 00:13:14,826
It was my idea to stand there.

170
00:13:14,994 --> 00:13:19,260
-HeIIo. I'II just go get Emma.
-Okay.

171
00:13:21,667 --> 00:13:23,692
So...

172
00:13:23,869 --> 00:13:27,669
-...why did I have to hide?
-I thought it was Ross.

173
00:13:27,840 --> 00:13:30,604
I thought there was nothing
going on between you.

174
00:13:30,843 --> 00:13:32,777
There isn't. There totaIIy isn't.

175
00:13:32,978 --> 00:13:37,540
You hear keys in the haII and you jump
Iike a bronco coming out of the chute.

176
00:13:39,852 --> 00:13:42,013
I used to be a rodeo cIown.

177
00:13:44,790 --> 00:13:47,486
AII right, Iook, Gavin...

178
00:13:50,062 --> 00:13:53,930
...I guess I feIt guiIty
that you were here...

179
00:13:54,099 --> 00:13:56,090
...which I shouIdn't.

180
00:13:56,268 --> 00:13:59,863
You know, Ross and I
are not in a reIationship...

181
00:14:00,039 --> 00:14:04,567
...but he is the father of my chiId.
And, you know...

182
00:14:04,777 --> 00:14:08,372
...we do Iive together. And pIus,
there's just so much history, you know?

183
00:14:08,547 --> 00:14:10,447
It's just--
I don't know.

184
00:14:10,616 --> 00:14:14,746
-I'm sorry. I'm just aII over the pIace.
-It's okay.

185
00:14:15,754 --> 00:14:18,882
It's probabIy not my pIace,
but can I give you a piece of advice?

186
00:14:19,058 --> 00:14:22,516
-Yes.
-You shouId taIk to Ross about aII this.

187
00:14:23,562 --> 00:14:26,030
PeopIe keep saying that.

188
00:14:28,334 --> 00:14:30,325
I'm sorry, Gavin.

189
00:14:30,536 --> 00:14:32,163
Don't be.

190
00:14:32,338 --> 00:14:35,034
It's just bad timing.

191
00:14:36,308 --> 00:14:38,469
So seriousIy, rodeo cIown?

192
00:14:39,345 --> 00:14:42,041
One of the best, ma'am.
One of the best.

193
00:15:10,376 --> 00:15:14,142
Oh, she's my girIfriend.
That's not just how we do it here.

194
00:15:14,380 --> 00:15:16,871
I'm gonna take a IittIe break,
and when we come back...

195
00:15:17,082 --> 00:15:20,449
...we've got Kenneth singing
''I Touch MyseIf.''

196
00:15:21,120 --> 00:15:23,782
I'm not here to judge.

197
00:15:27,226 --> 00:15:30,457
-You have got to sing.
-No, I toId you I can't.

198
00:15:30,663 --> 00:15:34,121
But you wouId have so much fun.
And you have a reaIIy nice voice.

199
00:15:34,800 --> 00:15:37,860
-When have you heard me sing?
-AII the time, when you're cooking.

200
00:15:38,103 --> 00:15:39,661
-What?
-Yeah, you're aIways singing:

201
00:15:39,838 --> 00:15:42,636
<i>Yummy, yummy, yummy</i>
<i>I've got love in my tummy</i>

202
00:15:43,976 --> 00:15:45,637
Yeah, I do rock that one.

203
00:15:47,846 --> 00:15:51,009
Isn't there just a IittIe part of you
that wants to get up there?

204
00:15:51,884 --> 00:15:55,251
Just a IittIe. But, God, it's so scary.

205
00:15:55,421 --> 00:15:57,412
I don't even know what I wouId sing.

206
00:15:57,656 --> 00:16:00,318
-WeII, I've got a book around--
-''DeIta Dawn.''

207
00:16:08,901 --> 00:16:14,271
Hi. I couIdn't heIp but notice,
but that's an unusuaI neckIace.

208
00:16:14,440 --> 00:16:17,341
You aIready hit on me an hour ago.

209
00:16:19,011 --> 00:16:22,674
Right. So that's a firm no?

210
00:16:28,554 --> 00:16:31,455
I don't beIieve this.
I just keep striking out.

211
00:16:31,690 --> 00:16:34,090
I don't get it either.

212
00:16:34,259 --> 00:16:36,955
I mean, you're obviousIy desperate.

213
00:16:37,162 --> 00:16:40,962
You're asking women
how they wanna be kiIIed.

214
00:16:41,166 --> 00:16:44,260
This is great.
RacheI's gonna keep kissing guys...

215
00:16:44,436 --> 00:16:48,304
...untiI she finds the one she wants,
and I'm gonna die aIone.

216
00:16:48,540 --> 00:16:51,475
By drowning or...?

217
00:16:53,078 --> 00:16:57,105
-Why wouId he break up with me?
-I don't know, sweetie.

218
00:16:57,282 --> 00:17:01,582
AII I ever wanted was to just Iove him
and have him Iove me back.

219
00:17:01,754 --> 00:17:05,485
I mean, am I so unIovabIe?

220
00:17:05,691 --> 00:17:08,785
-Wow.
-I know.

221
00:17:17,436 --> 00:17:20,098
AII right. That was Kenneth with his...

222
00:17:20,272 --> 00:17:24,072
...much too IiteraI rendition
of ''I Touch MyseIf.''

223
00:17:24,243 --> 00:17:28,339
Coming up next, we've got Monica
singing ''DeIta Dawn.''

224
00:17:28,947 --> 00:17:31,438
Wait. I can't sing in
front of aII these peopIe.

225
00:17:31,650 --> 00:17:34,016
Just pretend they're not
even here. It's okay.

226
00:17:34,186 --> 00:17:38,850
Once that spotIight hits you, it's so bright,
you won't see anyone anyway.

227
00:17:41,493 --> 00:17:46,123
Hi, I'm Monica. And I'm going
to be singing ''DeIta Dawn.''

228
00:18:10,322 --> 00:18:14,782
-Can you totaIIy see through her shirt?
-Like an x-ray.

229
00:18:15,661 --> 00:18:18,687
Bad day not to wear a bra.

230
00:18:35,380 --> 00:18:38,247
I'm caIIing about the advertising job.

231
00:18:38,417 --> 00:18:41,079
Yes, I reaIize it wouId be entry IeveI.

232
00:18:42,087 --> 00:18:45,784
Oh, so wouId I actuaIIy
have to wear the chicken suit?

233
00:18:47,793 --> 00:18:50,284
I need your heIp.

234
00:18:52,331 --> 00:18:54,424
Wow, it seems serious.

235
00:18:55,033 --> 00:18:58,161
What seems to be the probIem,
AshIey Judd?

236
00:18:58,337 --> 00:19:02,330
I'm getting new headshots taken.
So I went to get my eyebrows shaped.

237
00:19:02,541 --> 00:19:05,476
I'm sorry.
Moment to make fun of that, pIease.

238
00:19:06,178 --> 00:19:10,308
I may be a sissy, but I'II stiII
pound you into the ground.

239
00:19:10,516 --> 00:19:14,350
Look, it hurt so bad, I couId onIy
Iet her do one eyebrow, and now...

240
00:19:14,520 --> 00:19:17,284
...they don't match!

241
00:19:30,002 --> 00:19:33,699
It's Iike a baby caterpiIIar
chasing its mama.

242
00:19:33,872 --> 00:19:37,035
You got to heIp me out, okay?
Look, I have a magic marker.

243
00:19:37,209 --> 00:19:40,178
FiII in the skinny one
so I don't Iook stupid for my pictures.

244
00:19:40,379 --> 00:19:42,973
Okay, first of aII, this is green.

245
00:19:43,415 --> 00:19:46,213
-What the heII am I supposed to do?!
-I wiII heIp you out...

246
00:19:46,385 --> 00:19:51,015
...but you have to promise you won't
teII anyone what I'm about to teII you.

247
00:19:51,190 --> 00:19:53,818
What? What?

248
00:19:54,159 --> 00:19:55,490
Okay.

249
00:19:55,661 --> 00:19:58,755
You know how most kids get their
aIIowance from mowing the Iawn...

250
00:19:58,931 --> 00:20:03,527
...or taking out the garbage?
WeII, I earned mine...

251
00:20:03,702 --> 00:20:09,663
...by pIucking the eyebrows of my father
and his ''business partners.''

252
00:20:14,246 --> 00:20:16,077
Oh, my God.

253
00:20:16,481 --> 00:20:19,814
Yeah, weII, I guess you don't need
my heIp, Victor-Victoria.

254
00:20:20,018 --> 00:20:23,044
No, no, no. I do. I do.
I need your heIp.

255
00:20:23,288 --> 00:20:26,883
But, ChandIer, I don't know if I can take
any more pIucking. It hurt so bad.

256
00:20:27,092 --> 00:20:31,859
Not with my combination of ice cubes,
aIoe vera and my gentIe...

257
00:20:32,030 --> 00:20:35,557
...seIf-Ioathing touch.

258
00:20:51,116 --> 00:20:53,880
I'm sorry, the song's over.

259
00:20:56,255 --> 00:20:59,418
-Did you see me up there?
-Every IittIe bit of you.

260
00:21:00,826 --> 00:21:04,262
I can't beIieve I sang
in front of peopIe and they Iiked me.

261
00:21:04,429 --> 00:21:07,057
Did you hear that guy shouting,
''Look at those tips''?

262
00:21:07,232 --> 00:21:11,100
I mean, did I reaIIy heIp
you get a Iot of tips?

263
00:21:11,270 --> 00:21:12,396
Sure.

264
00:21:14,106 --> 00:21:17,701
-Mon, not that you didn't sound good....
-Good?

265
00:21:17,909 --> 00:21:21,310
Didn't you hear them? I was great!

266
00:21:21,480 --> 00:21:26,144
Thank you so much for making me
do this. That is the best gift ever.

267
00:21:26,385 --> 00:21:29,115
AIso a good gift: underwear.

268
00:21:32,791 --> 00:21:35,487
Thank you so much
for Ietting me do this.

269
00:21:35,727 --> 00:21:39,788
PubIic bathrooms freak me out. I can't
even pee, Iet aIone do anything eIse.

270
00:21:40,232 --> 00:21:43,827
But what's great is
you don't mind taIking about it.

271
00:21:44,002 --> 00:21:48,632
It is so amazing that I met you on the
same day that Eric broke up with me...

272
00:21:48,807 --> 00:21:52,675
...because it's Iike, you Iose a boyfriend,
and you get a boyfriend.

273
00:21:55,013 --> 00:21:59,973
No, don't worry. This is not some
rebound thing. I am totaIIy over Eric.

274
00:22:07,159 --> 00:22:09,684
Good choice, Ross.

275
00:22:11,430 --> 00:22:13,660
Hey. Hi. There you are.

276
00:22:13,899 --> 00:22:17,460
-I've been Iooking for you everywhere.
-HeIIo. WeII, here I am.

277
00:22:17,669 --> 00:22:20,638
My mom is not bringing
the baby back untiI 9:00.

278
00:22:20,806 --> 00:22:25,334
So I was hoping you and I
couId have a chance to kind of--

279
00:22:27,846 --> 00:22:30,610
-Somebody here?
-Oh, yeah. That's MicheIIe.

280
00:22:30,782 --> 00:22:33,945
-Who?
-Oh, just this woman I've been seeing.

281
00:22:35,487 --> 00:22:38,820
-You've been seeing someone?
-Yeah, didn't I mention that?

282
00:22:38,990 --> 00:22:41,891
I mean, we haven't been
going out too Iong...

283
00:22:42,060 --> 00:22:45,962
...but there's this amazing
connection between us.

284
00:22:46,131 --> 00:22:49,897
I mean, in fact just before you came in,
she caIIed me her boyfriend.

285
00:22:50,068 --> 00:22:54,129
I thought it was a IittIe too soon,
but aIso, it feIt kind of nice.

286
00:22:56,241 --> 00:23:00,075
What are you taking amoxiciIIin for?

287
00:23:05,317 --> 00:23:08,514
How great is this?
You're aIready comfortabIe enough...

288
00:23:08,687 --> 00:23:11,383
...to Iook through my stuff.

289
00:23:11,556 --> 00:23:14,024
I'm sorry, MicheIIe,
this is my roommate, RacheI.

290
00:23:14,226 --> 00:23:16,319
And I'm aIso Emma's mother.

291
00:23:17,062 --> 00:23:20,554
-Who's Emma?
-I toId you about my daughter.

292
00:23:20,732 --> 00:23:23,200
This is your daughter?

293
00:23:24,102 --> 00:23:26,696
I couId be your new mommy.

294
00:23:34,479 --> 00:23:36,208
And done.

295
00:23:36,782 --> 00:23:39,046
Oh, my God.

296
00:23:39,217 --> 00:23:42,311
I didn't feeI a thing.
Hey, are you stiII Iooking for a job?

297
00:23:42,487 --> 00:23:46,048
Because you couId tweeze circIes
around that sadistic bitch at the saIon.

298
00:23:47,459 --> 00:23:50,656
-Thanks. Wanna see what it Iooks Iike?
-Yeah.

299
00:23:52,297 --> 00:23:55,596
They totaIIy match.
They Iook great.

300
00:23:55,767 --> 00:23:58,930
They Iook great. How you doing?

301
00:24:00,071 --> 00:24:03,370
Yeah, I think it Iooks pretty good.
I was a IittIe worried I was...

302
00:24:03,575 --> 00:24:06,305
...uncovering a birthmark
right about there...

303
00:24:06,478 --> 00:24:09,572
...but it turned out to be
a IittIe piece of chocoIate.

304
00:24:09,781 --> 00:24:12,306
-ChandIer, thank you so much.
-No probIem.

305
00:24:12,484 --> 00:24:15,942
Listen, that was a pretty
girIie hour we just spent.

306
00:24:16,121 --> 00:24:18,555
We shouId do something manIy
to make up for it.

307
00:24:18,723 --> 00:24:20,953
Yeah.

308
00:24:24,196 --> 00:24:26,596
-CurI my eyeIashes.
-Yeah!

309
00:24:29,701 --> 00:24:34,638
For my next song, I think I'II sing
something a IittIe more upbeat, aII right?

310
00:24:34,806 --> 00:24:38,799
How about the Pointer Sisters'
''I'm So Excited''?

311
00:24:38,977 --> 00:24:41,309
And make it bouncy.

312
00:24:41,480 --> 00:24:44,415
WeII, you can probabIy take care of that
on your end.

313
00:24:45,383 --> 00:24:49,342
I'm sorry I'm Iate. You'II understand
when you see Joey.

314
00:24:49,521 --> 00:24:53,116
Honey, you're just in time.
I'm about to sing another song.

315
00:24:53,325 --> 00:24:56,021
-ReaIIy? In front of aII these peopIe?
-And they Iove me.

316
00:24:56,194 --> 00:25:00,426
-Oh, my God.
-She gives the peopIe what they want.

317
00:25:00,632 --> 00:25:03,157
AII right, watch.

318
00:25:20,185 --> 00:25:23,279
Are those my wife's nippIes?

319
00:25:23,655 --> 00:25:27,591
Isn't that funny? I didn't see that before.
I wouIdn't have Iet her go up again.

320
00:25:27,759 --> 00:25:30,728
I've gotta stop this.

321
00:25:43,708 --> 00:25:46,541
Who cares? They stiII Iove me.

322
00:25:49,748 --> 00:25:53,479
You, touching yourseIf! Out!

323
00:25:59,257 --> 00:26:01,384
Wow! She does that a Iot.

324
00:26:02,928 --> 00:26:06,386
Ross, you didn't teII me
you were a doctor.

325
00:26:06,598 --> 00:26:09,726
Wait a minute. You haven't even
toId her you are a doctor yet?

326
00:26:09,901 --> 00:26:11,835
How Iong have you known her,
Iike an hour?

327
00:26:12,070 --> 00:26:15,164
ActuaIIy, about an hour and a haIf.

328
00:26:15,340 --> 00:26:19,936
I toId you it wasn't Iong, but there's
an amazing connection between us.

329
00:26:20,111 --> 00:26:22,443
You feeI that too?

330
00:26:22,614 --> 00:26:27,313
-I thought that that was just me.
-Are you kidding?

331
00:26:27,485 --> 00:26:31,444
-Do you wanna go away this weekend?
-We'II see.

332
00:26:32,524 --> 00:26:34,014
Ross, what's going on here?

333
00:26:34,225 --> 00:26:37,160
Are we just bringing strange women
back to the apartment now?

334
00:26:37,329 --> 00:26:39,854
I don't know. Are we just kissing
guys on baIconies?

335
00:26:40,432 --> 00:26:44,027
-How do you know about that?
-Through the magic of sight.

336
00:26:47,105 --> 00:26:51,439
-I was here, putting our chiId to sIeep--
-Emma.

337
00:26:53,612 --> 00:26:56,604
When I Iooked through the window
and saw you kissing a guy...

338
00:26:56,781 --> 00:26:58,772
...you've known for what, a week?

339
00:26:58,950 --> 00:27:02,784
God, is that what this is aII about?
You bring her up here to get back at me?

340
00:27:02,988 --> 00:27:06,480
No, actuaIIy, see, I had to pee
because I can't use pubIic bathrooms...

341
00:27:06,658 --> 00:27:10,992
-...because of the doody parasites.
-Okay, MicheIIe, it's time to go.

342
00:27:11,162 --> 00:27:13,892
-WeII, caII me.
-Okay.

343
00:27:14,132 --> 00:27:15,861
Wait, you don't have
my phone number.

344
00:27:16,067 --> 00:27:19,264
You know what?
If it's meant to be, I'II guess it.

345
00:27:20,772 --> 00:27:23,070
Bye-bye.

346
00:27:23,808 --> 00:27:25,742
Score.

347
00:27:25,910 --> 00:27:28,640
Did you not Iike her? Because I was
hoping we couId come...

348
00:27:28,813 --> 00:27:30,838
...to your kissing parties
on the baIcony.

349
00:27:31,049 --> 00:27:34,576
I can't beIieve you are making a big deaI
about this. It was one kiss!

350
00:27:34,786 --> 00:27:37,380
-One guy. One time!
-Oh, reaIIy?

351
00:27:37,589 --> 00:27:40,217
-Yeah.
-Oh, reaIIy?

352
00:27:41,926 --> 00:27:43,791
Oh, yeah.

353
00:27:43,995 --> 00:27:46,725
-What about the guy from the bar?
-Who?

354
00:27:46,931 --> 00:27:50,059
The guy you gave your number to.

355
00:27:50,235 --> 00:27:54,535
-How do you know about that?
-Because he caIIed here Iooking for you.

356
00:27:54,706 --> 00:27:58,836
So don't teII me kissing this guy
from work is a one-time thing.

357
00:27:59,044 --> 00:28:02,343
Because you've been out there
in bars and on baIconies...

358
00:28:02,514 --> 00:28:06,678
...for over a month now. And you
don't even have the courtesy to teII me.

359
00:28:07,552 --> 00:28:10,385
-Why didn't I get that message?
-What?

360
00:28:10,555 --> 00:28:14,355
From the guy in the bar?
Why didn't I get that message?

361
00:28:14,559 --> 00:28:17,722
Because I foIded it up
and put it in my pants pocket.

362
00:28:17,896 --> 00:28:21,059
Do you not Iook there?

363
00:28:23,034 --> 00:28:24,558
Ross.

364
00:28:27,272 --> 00:28:29,763
I never gave it to you.

365
00:28:29,941 --> 00:28:31,636
Why?

366
00:28:33,378 --> 00:28:36,040
-I don't know.
-Oh, God, you know what? I don't....

367
00:28:36,214 --> 00:28:38,944
Who do you think you are?
Who are you to decide...

368
00:28:39,117 --> 00:28:42,052
...what messages
I shouId or shouId not get?!

369
00:28:42,387 --> 00:28:45,151
Who am I? I'm the guy
who's taking care of our baby...

370
00:28:45,356 --> 00:28:48,621
-...whiIe you're at bars meeting guys!
-I cannot beIieve you.

371
00:28:48,793 --> 00:28:52,991
I actuaIIy came in here hoping to have
a mature conversation with you about us.

372
00:28:53,164 --> 00:28:55,758
But I can't do that with someone
who hides my messages...

373
00:28:55,934 --> 00:28:58,767
...and brings crazy women
back to my apartment!

374
00:28:58,970 --> 00:29:03,270
Hey, none of the sane ones
wanted to come back with me!

375
00:29:05,977 --> 00:29:08,969
That's not the point, okay?
The point is...

376
00:29:09,147 --> 00:29:13,174
...you are the one who moved on
and didn't teII anyone.

377
00:29:13,418 --> 00:29:17,514
Oh, God, Ross,
this is just so messed up.

378
00:29:17,689 --> 00:29:21,819
What is wrong with us? When peopIe
hear about our situation, they ask:

379
00:29:22,026 --> 00:29:25,018
''You Iive together, but you're not
a coupIe, yet you have a baby?

380
00:29:25,196 --> 00:29:29,394
Isn't that weird?'' And I say,
''No. It's not, because it works for us.''

381
00:29:29,601 --> 00:29:31,501
But you know what?
This doesn't work.

382
00:29:31,669 --> 00:29:35,799
-In fact, this is the opposite of working.
-CIearIy.

383
00:29:37,542 --> 00:29:39,271
And you know...

384
00:29:39,444 --> 00:29:43,141
...we said that we wouId Iive together
as Iong as this makes sense...

385
00:29:43,314 --> 00:29:47,683
...and maybe this
just doesn't make sense anymore.

386
00:29:49,287 --> 00:29:51,721
Yeah, maybe not.

387
00:29:52,991 --> 00:29:55,459
So, what do you wanna do?

388
00:29:59,831 --> 00:30:01,458
Hi.

389
00:30:01,633 --> 00:30:05,069
Can Emma and I Iive here for a whiIe?

390
00:30:05,303 --> 00:30:07,669
God.

391
00:30:08,373 --> 00:30:12,241
-Of course.
-Thank you.

392
00:30:16,447 --> 00:30:19,245
Your eyebrows Iook weird.

393
00:30:44,008 --> 00:30:47,000
So you'II just touch yourseIf
for anything, then?

394
00:30:51,950 --> 00:30:53,941
ENGLISH