1
00:00:04,704 --> 00:00:07,172
Hey, hon? WouId you heIp me
get the pIates down?

2
00:00:07,340 --> 00:00:10,468
Hey, here's an idea. Why don't
we use our wedding china today?

3
00:00:11,211 --> 00:00:14,578
Or we couId save them
for a fancy speciaI occasion.

4
00:00:14,814 --> 00:00:18,079
How about this:
You couId treat me Iike I'm an equaI...

5
00:00:18,251 --> 00:00:21,948
...or taIk down to me
Iike I'm a chiId.

6
00:00:22,689 --> 00:00:26,420
No, I just think we shouId save our china
for something reaIIy speciaI.

7
00:00:26,593 --> 00:00:28,925
Like if the queen of EngIand
comes over.

8
00:00:29,496 --> 00:00:32,488
Honey, she keeps canceIing on us.
Take the hint.

9
00:00:33,566 --> 00:00:35,659
What if something breaks?
They're expensive.

10
00:00:35,869 --> 00:00:38,895
What is the point of having them
if we never use them?

11
00:00:39,072 --> 00:00:42,041
Okay. But if something breaks
and then the queen comes over....

12
00:00:42,242 --> 00:00:45,871
-I wiII expIain it to her.
-Like I'd Iet you taIk to the queen.

13
00:00:47,781 --> 00:00:50,807
Wow, the parade is reaIIy good this year.

14
00:00:50,984 --> 00:00:53,782
Man, those horses can crap.

15
00:00:54,454 --> 00:00:56,945
<i>Next up is a marching band</i>
<i>from Muskogee, Oklahoma.</i>

16
00:00:57,123 --> 00:01:00,251
Muskogee?
That's Iike four hours from TuIsa!

17
00:01:02,429 --> 00:01:03,691
Y'aII Iook great!

18
00:01:04,164 --> 00:01:05,654
That's right, I said ''y'aII!''

19
00:01:07,100 --> 00:01:10,001
<i>Here's the float with the stars</i>
<i>of the popular daytime soap...</i>

20
00:01:10,236 --> 00:01:12,363
...Days of Our Lives.

21
00:01:15,575 --> 00:01:17,736
Oh, my God!

22
00:01:17,911 --> 00:01:21,779
Aren't you one of the stars of the
popuIar daytime soap <i>Days of our Lives</i>?

23
00:01:21,981 --> 00:01:24,950
I forgot! I'm supposed to be there!

24
00:01:26,252 --> 00:01:29,983
I can't beIieve I forgot! I usuaIIy write
stuff Iike this down on my arm!

25
00:01:32,926 --> 00:01:35,520
Stupid Iong sIeeves!

26
00:01:36,930 --> 00:01:39,797
-What are you gonna do?
-I'II come up with a good reason...

27
00:01:39,966 --> 00:01:41,524
...why I wasn't there.

28
00:01:41,701 --> 00:01:44,499
The producers are gonna be mad.
They sat us down and said:

29
00:01:44,671 --> 00:01:49,699
''Everyone has to be there, 6 a.m. sharp.
That means you, Tribbiani.''

30
00:01:49,909 --> 00:01:52,707
Like I was some kind of idiot.

31
00:01:54,614 --> 00:01:56,775
WeII, you proved them wrong.

32
00:02:44,964 --> 00:02:47,194
Oh, Emma.

33
00:02:47,367 --> 00:02:50,393
This is your first Thanksgiving.

34
00:02:50,570 --> 00:02:52,936
What are you thankfuI for?

35
00:02:53,106 --> 00:02:55,165
Mommy's boobies?

36
00:02:55,942 --> 00:02:58,638
A Iot of peopIe are thankfuI for those.

37
00:03:01,047 --> 00:03:02,981
HeIIo? RacheI?

38
00:03:03,183 --> 00:03:04,309
Who is it?

39
00:03:04,484 --> 00:03:07,544
It's your favorite sister.

40
00:03:07,720 --> 00:03:10,086
-JiII?
-Amy!

41
00:03:10,323 --> 00:03:12,188
Hide my rings.

42
00:03:17,096 --> 00:03:20,327
Amy! Happy Thanksgiving.

43
00:03:25,171 --> 00:03:27,196
Do you have a hair straightener?

44
00:03:28,408 --> 00:03:30,467
Hi.

45
00:03:30,777 --> 00:03:32,074
-Hi.
-Hi.

46
00:03:32,245 --> 00:03:34,611
Hair straightener.

47
00:03:34,781 --> 00:03:39,184
-I haven't seen you in, Iike, a year.
-I know. I know. I've just been crazed.

48
00:03:39,385 --> 00:03:42,582
WeII, me too. I had a baby.

49
00:03:43,223 --> 00:03:46,192
I decorated Dad's office.

50
00:03:46,359 --> 00:03:51,797
Yeah? WeII, unIess you pushed a desk
out of your vagina, not the same thing.

51
00:03:52,865 --> 00:03:55,459
About that hair straightener,
honey, I reaIIy need one.

52
00:03:55,635 --> 00:03:58,433
I'm gonna have dinner
at my boyfriend's house.

53
00:03:59,439 --> 00:04:01,532
Oh, my God.

54
00:04:01,708 --> 00:04:04,074
Is this Emmett?

55
00:04:07,747 --> 00:04:09,942
It's Emma.

56
00:04:10,149 --> 00:04:11,582
It's a girI?

57
00:04:13,519 --> 00:04:16,113
-Hey, Amy.
-Amy, you remember Ross?

58
00:04:17,290 --> 00:04:19,155
Not reaIIy.

59
00:04:19,325 --> 00:04:23,056
But you are much cuter
than that geeky guy she used to date.

60
00:04:25,932 --> 00:04:27,900
That was me.

61
00:04:28,401 --> 00:04:32,428
No, he was this creepy guy from high
schooI who had this huge crush on her...

62
00:04:32,639 --> 00:04:34,470
...since, Iike, the ninth grade.

63
00:04:34,641 --> 00:04:36,074
StiII me.

64
00:04:36,909 --> 00:04:38,570
No, I'm not taIking about you.

65
00:04:38,745 --> 00:04:41,578
It was your fat friend's brother
with that bad Afro.

66
00:04:41,781 --> 00:04:45,774
Okay, Amy, I'm gonna save you
some time, okay? AII me!

67
00:04:50,790 --> 00:04:53,987
CarefuI. CarefuI.

68
00:04:54,294 --> 00:04:56,159
CarefuI!

69
00:04:56,562 --> 00:04:58,860
I'II teII you what.
For the rest of our Iives...

70
00:04:59,065 --> 00:05:01,465
...I'II be carefuI untiI toId otherwise.

71
00:05:03,636 --> 00:05:06,104
-This isn't the china we picked out.
-I know.

72
00:05:06,306 --> 00:05:09,673
After you Ieft the store,
I chose different ones.

73
00:05:10,310 --> 00:05:14,303
-Why?
-Your taste is a IittIe feminine for me.

74
00:05:14,514 --> 00:05:17,074
SuddenIy fIowers are feminine?

75
00:05:18,184 --> 00:05:21,119
Hey, everybody! Happy Thanksgiving!

76
00:05:21,321 --> 00:05:23,653
-Happy Thanksgiving. Pheebs!
-What's going on, Joe?

77
00:05:23,823 --> 00:05:26,053
Listen, I need a good Iie.

78
00:05:26,225 --> 00:05:27,624
Okay.

79
00:05:27,894 --> 00:05:31,887
How about the whoIe ''man waIking
on the moon'' thing, you know?

80
00:05:32,665 --> 00:05:35,964
You can see the strings, peopIe!

81
00:05:36,169 --> 00:05:40,003
No, no, no. I need a good Iie to expIain
why I wasn't at a work thing today.

82
00:05:40,473 --> 00:05:42,964
-Honey, you stink at Iying.
-I do not.

83
00:05:43,176 --> 00:05:46,509
ReaIIy? Let me ask you something.
Yesterday at the coffeehouse...

84
00:05:46,679 --> 00:05:50,342
...I went to the bathroom. When I came
back, my muffin was gone. Who took it?

85
00:05:51,818 --> 00:05:54,013
Somebody opened the door
to the coffeehouse...

86
00:05:54,187 --> 00:05:58,146
...and a raccoon ran in and went
straight for your muffin. I said:

87
00:05:58,324 --> 00:06:01,623
''Hey, don't eat that!
That's Phoebe's!'' And he said....

88
00:06:03,863 --> 00:06:07,663
He said, ''Joey, you stink at Iying.''
What am I gonna do?

89
00:06:07,834 --> 00:06:10,530
Don't worry. We'II come up with a Iie.
I'II heIp you.

90
00:06:10,737 --> 00:06:14,696
-Great. That'd be great. Thank you.
-Sure. What was the work thing?

91
00:06:16,209 --> 00:06:19,269
-''Pick up Grandma at the airport.''
-Oh, man!

92
00:06:22,548 --> 00:06:24,846
She's precious.

93
00:06:25,351 --> 00:06:29,082
Do you ever worry
that she's gonna get your reaI nose?

94
00:06:29,255 --> 00:06:31,189
Amy....

95
00:06:32,291 --> 00:06:34,691
Yes, I do. I reaIIy do.

96
00:06:39,098 --> 00:06:40,690
HeIIo?

97
00:06:40,867 --> 00:06:44,394
Yeah, hang on, one sec.
Can I take this upstairs?

98
00:06:44,570 --> 00:06:46,800
Sure. We don't Iive there, but....

99
00:06:47,807 --> 00:06:51,766
SeriousIy? It's just these rooms?

100
00:06:52,478 --> 00:06:56,312
-I thought you were a doctor.
-Yeah. No, Ross has a Ph.D.

101
00:07:02,088 --> 00:07:05,421
God, she is unbeIievabIe.

102
00:07:05,625 --> 00:07:08,719
I know. I mean, a Ph.D.
is just as good as an MD.

103
00:07:08,928 --> 00:07:10,657
Sure, Ross, yeah!

104
00:07:10,830 --> 00:07:15,267
If I have a heart attack at a restaurant,
I want you there with your fossiI brush.

105
00:07:17,236 --> 00:07:19,295
-Stupid Thanksgiving.
-What?

106
00:07:19,472 --> 00:07:22,635
-What? What happened?
-My boyfriend canceIed on me.

107
00:07:22,809 --> 00:07:25,300
I mean, I finaIIy find a reaI reIationship.

108
00:07:25,478 --> 00:07:30,438
Someone that I can spend this day with,
and then his wife comes back into town!

109
00:07:30,616 --> 00:07:33,847
I swear, it's aImost not even
worth dating married guys.

110
00:07:34,320 --> 00:07:36,083
Don't say that.

111
00:07:37,490 --> 00:07:39,958
God, I was so Iooking forward to this.

112
00:07:40,126 --> 00:07:43,152
It was gonna be such
a beautifuI Thanksgiving.

113
00:07:43,329 --> 00:07:45,763
We were gonna have sushi.

114
00:07:46,966 --> 00:07:49,628
Amy, don't cry.

115
00:07:50,803 --> 00:07:54,500
-Ross, can I taIk to you in private?
-Sure, you wanna go upstairs, or...?

116
00:07:59,378 --> 00:08:02,370
Look, I was thinking,
if it's okay with Monica...

117
00:08:02,548 --> 00:08:05,142
...I wouId Iike to invite Amy
to Thanksgiving.

118
00:08:05,485 --> 00:08:11,390
I think that's a great idea. It'II be Iike
the PiIgrims bringing the Indians syphiIis.

119
00:08:12,758 --> 00:08:15,659
Look, I know she's a IittIe tough to take.

120
00:08:15,828 --> 00:08:20,162
But she has nowhere eIse to go,
and she's my sister. She's Emma's aunt.

121
00:08:20,333 --> 00:08:25,327
-And I wouId Iike them to bond.
-I don't want them bonding too much.

122
00:08:25,505 --> 00:08:28,030
I don't want her teIIing Emma
she needs a nose job.

123
00:08:28,274 --> 00:08:32,210
Ross, she may need one. We're just
gonna have to make our peace with that!

124
00:08:39,118 --> 00:08:40,847
Amy....

125
00:08:41,521 --> 00:08:43,421
Amy?

126
00:08:44,957 --> 00:08:46,424
Amy!

127
00:08:46,592 --> 00:08:48,025
I'm out in the haII.

128
00:08:48,194 --> 00:08:52,961
Your baby had some sort of
expIosion of stink.

129
00:08:55,167 --> 00:08:57,431
The bonding's going great.

130
00:09:02,475 --> 00:09:04,272
-Hi!
-Hey.

131
00:09:04,443 --> 00:09:07,640
Hey, you guys. This is my sister, Amy.

132
00:09:07,813 --> 00:09:11,909
This is ChandIer, Joey,
Phoebe, and you know Mon.

133
00:09:12,118 --> 00:09:13,608
Oh, my God.

134
00:09:13,786 --> 00:09:15,981
You're on <i>Days of Our Lives</i>!

135
00:09:16,188 --> 00:09:17,553
Yeah.

136
00:09:17,723 --> 00:09:21,124
Wow! They must put
a Iot of makeup on you.

137
00:09:23,296 --> 00:09:25,628
Happy Thanksgiving.

138
00:09:26,699 --> 00:09:28,496
-Hey.
-Hi.

139
00:09:30,836 --> 00:09:33,896
So weIcome. Is this the first time
you're seeing Emma?

140
00:09:34,106 --> 00:09:37,234
Yeah, I think so.
It's nice to meet you, Emma.

141
00:09:39,445 --> 00:09:42,778
-Phoebe.
-That's a funny noise.

142
00:09:46,485 --> 00:09:50,319
-Pheebs? I stiII need some heIp here.
-Right. Okay.

143
00:09:50,489 --> 00:09:54,926
So it's not just the Iie you teII,
but it's the way you teII it. For exampIe...

144
00:09:55,094 --> 00:09:58,427
...if you Iook at the ground when
you taIk, peopIe know you're Iying.

145
00:09:59,265 --> 00:10:03,292
I don't know why this is so hard for me.
Lying is basicaIIy just acting...

146
00:10:03,469 --> 00:10:06,870
-...and I am a terrific actor.
-You are a terrific actor.

147
00:10:07,940 --> 00:10:10,773
I couId taIk to the producers for you.
I'm a great Iiar.

148
00:10:10,943 --> 00:10:12,843
Take Monica's dress. I said I Ioved it.

149
00:10:13,012 --> 00:10:14,536
-I hate it.
-Hey!

150
00:10:14,714 --> 00:10:17,148
I'm aIso a great moron.

151
00:10:20,353 --> 00:10:23,481
-Hey. Where's the baby?
-We just put her down for a nap.

152
00:10:23,656 --> 00:10:27,353
Listen, I was just thinking.
You know what wouId be incredibIe?

153
00:10:27,526 --> 00:10:30,222
If you guys died!

154
00:10:31,530 --> 00:10:33,725
Thank you, Amy.

155
00:10:33,933 --> 00:10:36,766
No, no, then I wouId get the baby.

156
00:10:36,936 --> 00:10:41,270
It wouId be just Iike a movie. At first
I wouIdn't know what to do with her.

157
00:10:41,440 --> 00:10:45,570
And then I wouId rise to the occasion.
Then I'd get a makeover and get married.

158
00:10:45,778 --> 00:10:48,110
That's a great movie!

159
00:10:49,649 --> 00:10:52,743
Now, Iisten, not that you guys
couId stop me or anything...

160
00:10:52,952 --> 00:10:55,318
...because you know, you'd be dead.

161
00:10:55,488 --> 00:10:57,786
But I was thinking about
changing her name.

162
00:10:57,957 --> 00:11:00,357
I'm just not reaIIy a big fan of EmiIy.

163
00:11:01,994 --> 00:11:03,621
Emma.

164
00:11:04,296 --> 00:11:06,287
Emma? Ross wants you.

165
00:11:08,634 --> 00:11:10,693
Phoebe!

166
00:11:12,004 --> 00:11:14,996
Why does she keep making that noise?

167
00:11:17,576 --> 00:11:19,874
Honey, I don't know
how to teII you this...

168
00:11:20,079 --> 00:11:24,379
...but if something were to happen
to Ross or myseIf...

169
00:11:24,617 --> 00:11:27,848
-...you wouIdn't get the baby.
-WeII, who wouId?

170
00:11:28,521 --> 00:11:32,150
WeII, we haven't officiaIIy
asked them yet...

171
00:11:32,324 --> 00:11:34,315
...but we wouId want
Monica and ChandIer.

172
00:11:34,493 --> 00:11:36,688
-Who?
-You're in their apartment.

173
00:11:38,931 --> 00:11:41,229
I can't beIieve you'd want us
to raise Emma.

174
00:11:41,400 --> 00:11:43,334
Oh, my God, I'm so moved.

175
00:11:43,536 --> 00:11:46,198
I don't beIieve this. HoId on a second.
You guys die...

176
00:11:46,372 --> 00:11:48,863
...and I don't get your baby?

177
00:11:49,075 --> 00:11:52,408
Amy, see, we're a Iot cIoser
to Monica and ChandIer.

178
00:11:52,578 --> 00:11:56,844
We see them every day. And truthfuIIy,
you don't seem connected to the baby.

179
00:11:57,049 --> 00:12:00,610
Connected? To what? She's a Iump.

180
00:12:03,255 --> 00:12:06,088
You know, guys, I've gotta say
this means so much to me.

181
00:12:06,292 --> 00:12:09,591
I mean, that you wouId
trust me with your chiId.

182
00:12:09,762 --> 00:12:12,390
I mean, we aII know
that Monica and I have been...

183
00:12:12,565 --> 00:12:14,897
...trying to have a baby of our own.

184
00:12:15,067 --> 00:12:20,266
You know, I've had my doubts
about my skiIIs as a father, but....

185
00:12:21,774 --> 00:12:23,867
That you two....

186
00:12:24,410 --> 00:12:27,504
-That you two....
-This guy?

187
00:12:28,781 --> 00:12:30,305
SeriousIy?

188
00:12:35,755 --> 00:12:37,950
Okay, it's time for dinner.

189
00:12:38,124 --> 00:12:40,820
Everyone, we're using our fancy china...

190
00:12:40,993 --> 00:12:44,929
...and it's very expensive,
so pIease be carefuI.

191
00:12:51,771 --> 00:12:55,468
Okay, just to be cIear, comedy with
the pIates wiII not be weII-received.

192
00:13:03,115 --> 00:13:04,878
Hey!

193
00:13:05,050 --> 00:13:08,986
How come my pIate's Iess fancy
than everyone eIse's?

194
00:13:10,122 --> 00:13:12,682
Do you not trust me with a fancy pIate?

195
00:13:12,858 --> 00:13:15,986
No, honey. That's a speciaI pIate.

196
00:13:16,162 --> 00:13:19,859
See, it's a game.
Whoever gets that pIate wins.

197
00:13:21,433 --> 00:13:24,197
I can't beIieve I won!

198
00:13:25,171 --> 00:13:28,470
You know, this is such a sIap
in the face. I mean, I'm your sister...

199
00:13:28,641 --> 00:13:32,577
...and you wouId give your baby
to these strangers over me.

200
00:13:32,812 --> 00:13:35,303
Monica is Ross' sister.

201
00:13:35,848 --> 00:13:39,648
No, Ross' sister was reaIIy fat.

202
00:13:41,187 --> 00:13:42,586
That was me.

203
00:13:43,322 --> 00:13:47,759
No, she was this dorky girI in schooI
who foIIowed RacheI around Iike a puppy--

204
00:13:48,027 --> 00:13:50,325
Amy, you've got to stop doing that!

205
00:13:56,402 --> 00:13:59,269
Okay, Iisten, I know you're having
a bit of a famiIy crisis...

206
00:13:59,471 --> 00:14:02,031
...but you don't have to take it out
on the pIates.

207
00:14:02,208 --> 00:14:05,041
I mean, in fact, I think that everyone...

208
00:14:05,211 --> 00:14:09,113
...shouId cut their food Iike this:

209
00:14:11,417 --> 00:14:14,352
Now, see? This way,
you protect the pIates...

210
00:14:14,687 --> 00:14:16,587
...and Iet's face it, you have fun.

211
00:14:18,357 --> 00:14:21,121
Okay, how about this?
If you guys die...

212
00:14:21,293 --> 00:14:25,127
...and the crazy pIate Iady dies...

213
00:14:26,065 --> 00:14:29,364
-...then do I get the baby?
-No, if crazy pIate Iady--

214
00:14:32,104 --> 00:14:35,938
If Monica dies,
then I wouId get Emma. Right?

215
00:14:39,411 --> 00:14:42,209
-WeII, actuaIIy....
-ActuaIIy what?

216
00:14:42,414 --> 00:14:45,781
It's just....
It's just that in that case...

217
00:14:45,951 --> 00:14:47,885
...then Emma wouId go to my parents.

218
00:14:48,387 --> 00:14:50,514
-What?
-Hurts, doesn't it?

219
00:14:54,059 --> 00:14:55,993
Who has to die for me to get her?

220
00:15:00,866 --> 00:15:04,165
So if Monica's not around,
I'm not good enough to raise Emma?

221
00:15:04,370 --> 00:15:06,770
No, that is not what we're saying.

222
00:15:06,972 --> 00:15:08,701
Yeah, he's Iying. He Iooked down.

223
00:15:11,243 --> 00:15:13,370
WeII, what's wrong with me?
Am I incompetent?

224
00:15:13,579 --> 00:15:17,174
Because I managed to survive whatever
it is that kiIIed the three of you!

225
00:15:19,919 --> 00:15:24,947
You're taking this the wrong way. We think
you are going to be a wonderfuI parent.

226
00:15:25,124 --> 00:15:28,787
It's just.... You're more the,
you know, fun parent.

227
00:15:28,961 --> 00:15:33,159
Yeah, and we wanna make sure
Emma aIso has someone Iike Monica...

228
00:15:33,332 --> 00:15:35,232
...who's more of a discipIinarian.

229
00:15:35,401 --> 00:15:38,268
Someone who can be firm and strict.

230
00:15:38,437 --> 00:15:40,997
That's not how you see me, is it?

231
00:15:42,107 --> 00:15:44,632
No, you're aII about the fun.

232
00:15:50,816 --> 00:15:54,479
I may not know a Iot about babies,
but do you reaIIy think I'm not capabIe?

233
00:15:54,720 --> 00:15:57,416
No. You both are equaIIy capabIe.

234
00:15:57,589 --> 00:16:00,149
It's just you're strongest
when you're together.

235
00:16:00,359 --> 00:16:04,227
Okay. So if we both had Emma,
and I died...

236
00:16:04,863 --> 00:16:06,592
...she'd have to give her up.

237
00:16:07,232 --> 00:16:09,860
Sure. Monica wouId have to give her up.

238
00:16:10,469 --> 00:16:13,370
I Iie better than that, right?

239
00:16:14,773 --> 00:16:18,709
Let me just get this straight.
So my two friends die, I get Emma.

240
00:16:18,877 --> 00:16:22,973
Then my wife dies. Then Emma,
the one tiny ray of hope Ieft in my Iife...

241
00:16:23,148 --> 00:16:26,640
-...gets taken away from me?
-There's your movie.

242
00:16:32,958 --> 00:16:35,654
Hey, there you are.

243
00:16:35,828 --> 00:16:39,025
-You disappeared after dinner.
-Did somebody miss me?

244
00:16:39,264 --> 00:16:42,165
Was there a chiId to raise poorIy?

245
00:16:42,701 --> 00:16:44,931
Ross and RacheI don't know
what they're saying.

246
00:16:45,137 --> 00:16:47,002
It's not Iike they're so responsibIe.

247
00:16:47,172 --> 00:16:51,632
Emma is a product of a bottIe of merIot
and a five-year-oId condom.

248
00:16:53,479 --> 00:16:57,472
No, but they're right. I'm not a strong
father figure, and I never wiII be.

249
00:16:57,716 --> 00:17:00,344
No, you Iearn these things.
You grow into it.

250
00:17:00,586 --> 00:17:02,349
Yeah, but it's not who I am.

251
00:17:02,554 --> 00:17:07,685
Everything they said is exactIy why I was
worried about having a kid. And it's true.

252
00:17:07,860 --> 00:17:10,829
-And Iook, everybody knows it.
-I don't know it.

253
00:17:10,996 --> 00:17:14,557
I wanna have a kid with you because
I think you'II be an amazing dad.

254
00:17:14,733 --> 00:17:17,361
At the fun parts and at the hard parts.

255
00:17:17,569 --> 00:17:21,061
WeII, can you picture me saying,
''Go to your room, you're grounded''?

256
00:17:21,907 --> 00:17:24,273
Can you hear me say,
''You're grounded''?

257
00:17:24,476 --> 00:17:26,910
You said that to me Iast week.

258
00:17:28,747 --> 00:17:32,239
How hard is it?
''No shoes on the furniture!''

259
00:17:38,791 --> 00:17:42,921
The producer from <i>Days</i> Ieft a message
asking why I wasn't at the parade.

260
00:17:43,128 --> 00:17:47,292
They said everybody's reaIIy pissed off
at me. And they aII got to meet Santa!

261
00:17:49,001 --> 00:17:51,401
It's okay.
I thought of the perfect Iie for you.

262
00:17:51,603 --> 00:17:55,061
It's easy to remember,
and it doesn't invite a Iot of questions.

263
00:17:56,041 --> 00:17:58,236
Does it have something to do
with a spaceship?

264
00:17:58,410 --> 00:18:00,810
The Statue of Liberty came to Iife--

265
00:18:03,148 --> 00:18:07,209
You weren't at the parade
because you had a famiIy emergency.

266
00:18:07,386 --> 00:18:09,752
I Iike that! Yeah!

267
00:18:09,922 --> 00:18:12,789
I wasn't at the parade
because I had a famiIy emergency.

268
00:18:13,192 --> 00:18:15,160
What happened?

269
00:18:15,327 --> 00:18:18,387
-My sister's raccoon came--
-No, nothing with a raccoon!

270
00:18:21,533 --> 00:18:24,366
-Wait, what are you doing?
-Setting the tabIe.

271
00:18:24,536 --> 00:18:28,370
We thought it might be nice
to use the fancy china for dessert too.

272
00:18:28,607 --> 00:18:32,168
How nice. Maybe Iater we can aII go
bIow our noses on my wedding dress.

273
00:18:39,418 --> 00:18:41,750
Hey, dude, you okay?
Sorry about before.

274
00:18:41,920 --> 00:18:46,152
That's okay. You're totaIIy right. I don't
know anything about discipIining a chiId.

275
00:18:46,325 --> 00:18:50,853
But it did hurt my feeIings,
and I want you to know that if I die...

276
00:18:51,029 --> 00:18:53,259
...you don't get Joey.

277
00:19:07,045 --> 00:19:10,071
In case you hadn't noticed,
I'm not taIking to you.

278
00:19:12,217 --> 00:19:14,947
You know, this is just....
This is cIassic RacheI.

279
00:19:15,187 --> 00:19:19,647
Oh, yeah, right. Remember in high schooI
when I died and didn't give you my baby?

280
00:19:22,227 --> 00:19:25,162
This might be my one chance
to have a chiId, RacheI.

281
00:19:25,364 --> 00:19:28,697
I mean, you know that I have been
so busy focusing on my career....

282
00:19:28,867 --> 00:19:32,667
-What career?
-I'm a decorator.

283
00:19:32,871 --> 00:19:36,238
You decorate Dad's office
and now you're a decorator?

284
00:19:36,408 --> 00:19:41,072
Okay, I went to the zoo yesterday,
now I'm a koaIa bear.

285
00:19:43,916 --> 00:19:47,716
-Why can't you ever be supportive?
-You wanna taIk supportive?

286
00:19:47,886 --> 00:19:51,652
You didn't come and visit me when
I was in the hospitaI having the baby!

287
00:19:51,890 --> 00:19:55,883
You didn't come see me in the hospitaI
when I was getting my Iips done!

288
00:19:57,362 --> 00:19:59,523
I did the first time.

289
00:20:01,733 --> 00:20:05,169
You know what? You wanna know
why I am not giving EmiIy to you?

290
00:20:05,337 --> 00:20:07,771
-Emma.
-Whose side are you on?!

291
00:20:09,141 --> 00:20:13,669
I'm not giving you Emma because you
can't handIe the responsibiIity of a chiId.

292
00:20:14,179 --> 00:20:17,546
WeII, how hard couId it be?
You do it.

293
00:20:21,954 --> 00:20:25,219
You wanna know why
you don't want me to have the baby?

294
00:20:25,390 --> 00:20:27,654
Because you don't want me to be happy.

295
00:20:27,826 --> 00:20:31,455
-You have aIways been jeaIous of me.
-JeaIous of what?

296
00:20:31,630 --> 00:20:35,327
Of your Iack of responsibiIity?
Your immaturity?

297
00:20:35,500 --> 00:20:38,492
Your totaI disregard
for other peopIe's feeIings?

298
00:20:38,704 --> 00:20:41,036
To name a few.

299
00:20:42,908 --> 00:20:44,535
You've aIways been Iike this.

300
00:20:44,710 --> 00:20:48,146
You had to have everything,
and I couIdn't have anything.

301
00:20:48,313 --> 00:20:51,510
Like in junior high,
when you stoIe Timmy from me.

302
00:20:51,683 --> 00:20:54,550
I mean, do you even reaIize
how much that hurt me?

303
00:20:54,786 --> 00:20:57,220
Timmy was my boyfriend,
and you made out with him!

304
00:20:57,422 --> 00:21:00,516
Come on, that was 20 years ago.
Get over it.

305
00:21:00,826 --> 00:21:03,761
I cannot beIieve
that I invited you here today!

306
00:21:03,929 --> 00:21:07,865
Yeah, weII, you know what I cannot
beIieve? That my so-caIIed sister...

307
00:21:08,033 --> 00:21:12,868
...gets a 30 percent discount from RaIph
Lauren, and I stiII have to pay retaiI?

308
00:21:15,274 --> 00:21:16,798
It's 45.

309
00:21:18,176 --> 00:21:20,007
You bitch.

310
00:21:22,547 --> 00:21:24,515
You just think you're so perfect...

311
00:21:24,683 --> 00:21:28,380
...with your new baby
and your smaII apartment.

312
00:21:29,855 --> 00:21:35,020
WeII, Iet me teII you something.
Your baby isn't even that cute.

313
00:21:36,395 --> 00:21:40,092
Too far, Amy. Too far.

314
00:21:42,334 --> 00:21:44,359
-You take that back.
-No.

315
00:21:44,569 --> 00:21:47,003
-Take it back!
-No. What are you gonna do? Make me?

316
00:21:47,205 --> 00:21:50,106
Hey, man, I work out!

317
00:21:51,710 --> 00:21:53,610
-So do I.
-I do PiIates.

318
00:21:53,845 --> 00:21:55,540
-I do yoga.
-Bring it on!

319
00:21:56,081 --> 00:21:58,948
Put the pIates in the boxes!
Put the pIates in the boxes!

320
00:22:01,420 --> 00:22:03,854
-Did you just push me?
-Yeah, I think I did.

321
00:22:04,056 --> 00:22:05,353
AII right, that's it.

322
00:22:05,557 --> 00:22:08,355
Forget the bubbIe wrap!
There isn't time!

323
00:22:10,595 --> 00:22:12,392
Frizzy, frizzy, frizzy!

324
00:22:17,202 --> 00:22:19,864
-ShouIdn't we stop this?
-Are you out of your mind?

325
00:22:20,038 --> 00:22:22,404
Let's throw some JeII-O on them!

326
00:22:24,943 --> 00:22:26,376
Hey, someone couId get hurt.

327
00:22:26,545 --> 00:22:29,105
Kick her, Rach! Kick her!

328
00:22:29,281 --> 00:22:32,182
PuII her top off, Rach! PuII her top off!

329
00:22:37,089 --> 00:22:38,750
Gross!

330
00:22:50,402 --> 00:22:55,362
AII right, that is it! This is our apartment,
and you cannot behave this way!

331
00:22:55,540 --> 00:22:58,304
If you can't act your age,
you shouIdn't be here at aII.

332
00:22:58,510 --> 00:23:03,413
Those pIates may not be as nice as
the pretty pink ones that I picked out...

333
00:23:04,282 --> 00:23:09,345
...but they're important to Monica.
And I want you to apoIogize to her, now.

334
00:23:09,621 --> 00:23:12,146
-I'm sorry.
-Mon, I'm so sorry.

335
00:23:12,324 --> 00:23:14,224
Okay. That's better.

336
00:23:14,426 --> 00:23:17,759
Now, I want you to apoIogize
to each other and mean it.

337
00:23:18,363 --> 00:23:19,796
-Sorry.
-Sorry.

338
00:23:19,998 --> 00:23:23,331
By the way, that fight
was totaIIy arousing.

339
00:23:27,539 --> 00:23:29,473
Dude, weII done.

340
00:23:29,674 --> 00:23:34,702
If I die and RacheI dies and Monica dies,
you can totaIIy take care of Emma.

341
00:23:35,447 --> 00:23:37,210
Yeah? WeII, thanks.

342
00:23:37,716 --> 00:23:40,844
So....
So now do I get Joey?

343
00:23:42,721 --> 00:23:47,556
Okay. But you shouId know he eats a Iot
and shoves pennies up his nose.

344
00:23:52,697 --> 00:23:54,858
Are you okay, Mon?

345
00:23:55,033 --> 00:23:58,730
I mean, these things happen.
I mean, it's just a pIate.

346
00:23:58,904 --> 00:24:02,670
-It's not Iike somebody died.
-It's aII right. You can mourn.

347
00:24:03,041 --> 00:24:06,977
Thank you. It was so beautifuI!

348
00:24:09,114 --> 00:24:11,378
I'm gonna go to Joey's
and get the pies.

349
00:24:11,583 --> 00:24:15,349
ActuaIIy, not pies. It's just pie.

350
00:24:16,721 --> 00:24:18,916
I don't care.

351
00:24:19,090 --> 00:24:22,685
Oh, my God, I've Iost the wiII to scoId.

352
00:24:26,731 --> 00:24:28,858
Look, Amy...

353
00:24:29,301 --> 00:24:30,893
...we got a IittIe...

354
00:24:31,069 --> 00:24:33,902
...a IittIe out-of-controI over there.

355
00:24:34,606 --> 00:24:36,073
And I'm sorry.

356
00:24:36,241 --> 00:24:38,801
You're my sister...

357
00:24:39,010 --> 00:24:41,410
...and if it reaIIy means
that much to you....

358
00:24:41,746 --> 00:24:44,715
-So you're gonna give me the baby?
-No, I was....

359
00:24:44,883 --> 00:24:47,943
I was gonna Iet you use
my RaIph Lauren discount.

360
00:24:49,321 --> 00:24:52,256
You are not gonna regret this.

361
00:24:55,126 --> 00:24:58,323
-She needs changing.
-No, no, no. I'II get her.

362
00:24:58,563 --> 00:25:03,057
I am super confident, totaIIy responsibIe
and fourth in Iine to raise Emma.

363
00:25:03,235 --> 00:25:07,604
I'II be right there, Emma! Just Iet me
get my trusty diaper bag here.

364
00:25:13,144 --> 00:25:16,238
WeII, what do you know?
I guess I'II be the one who dies first.

365
00:25:26,191 --> 00:25:29,854
-Does Monica know about her pIates?
-Nope.

366
00:25:30,095 --> 00:25:31,585
-Broke them aII, huh?
-Yep.

367
00:25:31,796 --> 00:25:33,627
-You gonna teII her?
-Nope.

368
00:25:35,700 --> 00:25:39,295
Hey. So I'm gonna
put the pIates back.

369
00:25:39,471 --> 00:25:42,838
I think you're right. We shouIdn't
use these pIates for a Iong time.

370
00:25:43,008 --> 00:25:46,500
-Like onIy if the queen comes?
-Maybe not even then.

371
00:25:47,612 --> 00:25:49,136
Hey. I did it.

372
00:25:49,347 --> 00:25:52,839
I toId my producer I had a famiIy
emergency. He totaIIy bought it.

373
00:25:53,018 --> 00:25:57,682
-Thanks for teaching me how to Iie.
-No probIem. Next week, steaIing.

374
00:25:59,057 --> 00:26:02,026
-Bye, pIates.
-You toId her you broke aII the pIates?

375
00:26:04,362 --> 00:26:07,195
What?!
Something happened with the pIates?

376
00:26:08,833 --> 00:26:11,825
Yeah, this raccoon came in....

377
00:26:13,238 --> 00:26:15,229
ENGLISH