1
00:00:04,037 --> 00:00:07,234
And that's why,
no matter what Mommy says...
2
00:00:07,707 --> 00:00:11,473
...we reaIIy were on a break.
Yes, we were.
3
00:00:11,678 --> 00:00:15,478
Yes, we were.
Come here, gorgeous.
4
00:00:16,816 --> 00:00:20,308
Look at you.
You are the cutest IittIe baby ever.
5
00:00:20,487 --> 00:00:24,321
You're just a IittIe-bitty baby,
you know that? But you've got....
6
00:00:24,491 --> 00:00:26,482
You've got big, beautifuI eyes.
7
00:00:27,093 --> 00:00:30,790
Yes, you do. And a....
And a big, round beIIy.
8
00:00:31,097 --> 00:00:34,897
Big baby butt.
9
00:00:36,136 --> 00:00:38,468
I Iike big butts.
10
00:00:52,118 --> 00:00:55,986
Oh, my God, Emma.
You're Iaughing.
11
00:00:56,656 --> 00:00:59,420
Oh, my God. You've never
done that before, have you?
12
00:00:59,592 --> 00:01:03,255
You've never done that before.
Daddy made you Iaugh, huh?
13
00:01:03,430 --> 00:01:06,991
WeII, Daddy and Sir Mix-A-Lot.
14
00:01:07,467 --> 00:01:10,197
What? What?
You wanna hear some more?
15
00:01:17,744 --> 00:01:20,838
I'm a terribIe father.
16
00:02:09,362 --> 00:02:12,854
-What do you know about investments?
-How come?
17
00:02:13,032 --> 00:02:16,934
I'm starting to make good money on the
show, and I shouId do something with it.
18
00:02:17,103 --> 00:02:21,267
-What do you do with your money now?
-It's taped to the back of my toiIet tank.
19
00:02:21,441 --> 00:02:25,571
I didn't say that.
It's in a bank guarded by robots.
20
00:02:27,180 --> 00:02:29,978
-Do you have any ideas?
-A guy at work got me excited...
21
00:02:30,183 --> 00:02:33,311
...about going in on an emu farm.
That'd be kind of cooI, huh?
22
00:02:33,553 --> 00:02:37,114
Pitching in on the weekends,
heIping to pIant the emus.
23
00:02:38,825 --> 00:02:42,420
Joe, emus are birds.
You raise them for meat.
24
00:02:42,629 --> 00:02:43,926
Yeah. Right!
25
00:02:46,466 --> 00:02:48,627
PeopIe eat birds. Bird meat.
26
00:02:48,801 --> 00:02:52,293
Do they just fIy into your mouth?
Or you go in a restaurant and say:
27
00:02:52,472 --> 00:02:55,635
''Excuse me, I'II have
a bucket of fried bird.''
28
00:02:55,808 --> 00:02:58,936
Or maybe just a wing. Or a....
29
00:03:02,015 --> 00:03:04,506
You shouId consider something
a IittIe Iess risky.
30
00:03:04,918 --> 00:03:07,148
I think reaI estate is
your best investment.
31
00:03:07,453 --> 00:03:12,652
The Fed just Iowered the rates, and the
interest on your mortgage is deductibIe.
32
00:03:12,825 --> 00:03:15,225
That's right. I know some stuff.
33
00:03:15,428 --> 00:03:16,986
ReaI estate, huh?
34
00:03:17,230 --> 00:03:19,858
And you know who's seIIing
a great apartment? Richard!
35
00:03:20,033 --> 00:03:23,935
And you know whose knowIedge of
her ex-boyfriend is shocking? Monica!
36
00:03:24,437 --> 00:03:28,806
-My dad toId me. They pIay goIf together.
-WeII, maybe I'II join them sometime.
37
00:03:28,975 --> 00:03:31,637
I just hope the cIub doesn't
sIip out of my hand...
38
00:03:31,811 --> 00:03:35,042
...and beat the mustache
off his face.
39
00:03:41,721 --> 00:03:45,680
And then the doctor said Emma
has doubIed her birth weight...
40
00:03:45,858 --> 00:03:50,227
...she is in the 90th percentiIe and she's
gonna start eating soIid foods soon.
41
00:03:50,396 --> 00:03:53,092
-That's great!
-I know!
42
00:03:53,733 --> 00:03:56,065
-What did we used to taIk about?
-No idea.
43
00:03:58,137 --> 00:04:02,437
Hi! You have to heIp me pick a dress.
I'm meeting Mike's parents tonight.
44
00:04:02,775 --> 00:04:05,471
Wow, the boyfriend's parents.
That's a big step.
45
00:04:05,845 --> 00:04:10,475
-ReaIIy? That hadn't occurred to me.
-They'II Iove you. Just be yourseIf.
46
00:04:10,717 --> 00:04:13,413
They Iive on the Upper East Side
on Park Avenue.
47
00:04:13,586 --> 00:04:16,111
Yeah, she can't be herseIf.
48
00:04:16,289 --> 00:04:19,315
Okay, so, aII right, which dress?
49
00:04:23,830 --> 00:04:26,958
-You can say neither.
-Oh, God. Neither.
50
00:04:27,667 --> 00:04:29,532
You can say it niceIy.
51
00:04:29,702 --> 00:04:32,193
I'm sorry. We'II take you shopping.
It'II be fine.
52
00:04:32,372 --> 00:04:35,967
You are in such good hands,
and I am so good with meeting parents.
53
00:04:36,175 --> 00:04:39,667
With the father, you wanna fIirt a IittIe,
but not in a gross way.
54
00:04:39,846 --> 00:04:44,010
Just kind of Iike, ''Mr. Pinzer, I can
see where WaIIace gets his good Iooks.''
55
00:04:44,183 --> 00:04:48,552
-You went out with WaIIace Pinzer?
-He took the SATs for me.
56
00:04:49,489 --> 00:04:54,517
-I knew you didn't get a 1 400!
-Yeah, weII, duh! I mean....
57
00:04:54,861 --> 00:04:57,227
So now, what about with Mike's mom?
58
00:04:57,430 --> 00:05:01,764
WeII, with the mother, just constantIy
teII her how amazing her son is.
59
00:05:01,934 --> 00:05:05,597
Take it from me. Moms Iove me.
Ross' mom one time actuaIIy said...
60
00:05:05,772 --> 00:05:08,707
...I am Iike the daughter
that she never had.
61
00:05:11,744 --> 00:05:17,410
-She said what?
-She's Iike the daughter she never had.
62
00:05:17,583 --> 00:05:19,608
Listen.
63
00:05:29,595 --> 00:05:32,325
I just got Phoebe aII dressed
to meet Mike's parents.
64
00:05:32,532 --> 00:05:34,796
She's so nervous. It's so sweet.
65
00:05:34,967 --> 00:05:37,094
Guess what. I made Emma Iaugh today.
66
00:05:37,637 --> 00:05:40,003
You what? And I missed it...
67
00:05:40,173 --> 00:05:43,836
...because I was giving a makeover
to that stupid hippie?!
68
00:05:44,610 --> 00:05:48,808
Yeah, and it was Iike
a reaI IittIe person Iaugh too.
69
00:05:48,981 --> 00:05:50,778
It was Iike:
70
00:05:57,457 --> 00:06:00,790
OnIy not creepy.
71
00:06:00,960 --> 00:06:04,259
-What did you do to make her Iaugh?
-I....
72
00:06:04,430 --> 00:06:07,092
WeII, I sang. ActuaIIy...
73
00:06:07,266 --> 00:06:09,826
...I rapped...
74
00:06:10,136 --> 00:06:11,364
...''Baby Got Back.''
75
00:06:13,506 --> 00:06:15,303
You what?
76
00:06:15,508 --> 00:06:18,841
You sang to our baby daughter...
77
00:06:19,011 --> 00:06:21,980
...a song about a guy
who Iikes to have sex...
78
00:06:22,148 --> 00:06:24,673
...with women with giant asses?
79
00:06:24,851 --> 00:06:26,876
You know what,
if you think about it...
80
00:06:27,086 --> 00:06:31,489
...it actuaIIy promotes
a heaIthy body image...
81
00:06:31,657 --> 00:06:34,023
...because even big butts...
82
00:06:34,193 --> 00:06:37,492
...or ''juicy doubIes'' are....
83
00:06:42,001 --> 00:06:44,526
PIease don't take her away from me.
84
00:06:50,309 --> 00:06:53,574
Hi, come on in.
I'm Catherine, the Iisting agent.
85
00:06:53,746 --> 00:06:55,304
Hi, I'm Joey. This is ChandIer.
86
00:06:55,481 --> 00:06:59,212
So how come Richard's seIIing
the pIace? Went bankrupt?
87
00:06:59,385 --> 00:07:03,151
MedicaI maIpractice?
Choked on his own mustache?
88
00:07:04,657 --> 00:07:08,491
He's buying a much bigger pIace.
It's got a great view of CentraI Park--
89
00:07:08,661 --> 00:07:10,219
That's enough out of you.
90
00:07:10,396 --> 00:07:13,092
Is there anything we shouId know
about the pIace?
91
00:07:13,266 --> 00:07:17,760
AII the appIiances are incIuded.
There's a Iot of Iight, a new kitchen.
92
00:07:17,937 --> 00:07:22,135
I think you guys wouId be
very happy here.
93
00:07:27,747 --> 00:07:30,875
No, we're not together.
We're definiteIy not a coupIe.
94
00:07:31,083 --> 00:07:34,075
-Okay. Sorry.
-That's aII right.
95
00:07:34,253 --> 00:07:37,450
Wow, you seemed
pretty insuIted by that.
96
00:07:37,924 --> 00:07:40,188
What, I'm not good enough for you?
97
00:07:41,360 --> 00:07:44,852
We are not gonna have
this conversation again.
98
00:07:45,031 --> 00:07:48,558
Look at this pIace.
Why am I so intimidated by this guy?
99
00:07:48,734 --> 00:07:52,465
Pretentious art.
This huge, macho couch.
100
00:07:52,672 --> 00:07:54,936
When we know
aII he does is sit around...
101
00:07:55,107 --> 00:07:58,770
...crying about Iosing Monica
to a reaI man.
102
00:07:58,945 --> 00:08:01,743
-You don't think he's here, do you?
-I don't know.
103
00:08:01,914 --> 00:08:06,977
It's a nice pIace, but I gotta say,
I don't know if I see myseIf Iiving here.
104
00:08:07,186 --> 00:08:09,086
WeII, Iet me see.
105
00:08:16,095 --> 00:08:18,393
Yeah, I can see it.
106
00:08:19,198 --> 00:08:22,725
Look at these videos.
I mean, who does he think he is?
107
00:08:22,902 --> 00:08:26,429
Magnum Force, Dirty Harry,
Cool Hand Luke.
108
00:08:26,606 --> 00:08:28,267
-Oh, my God.
-What?
109
00:08:28,908 --> 00:08:31,809
There's a tape here
with Monica's name on it.
110
00:08:31,978 --> 00:08:35,971
A tape with a girI's name on it.
It's probabIy a sex tape.
111
00:08:37,250 --> 00:08:38,649
Wait a minute.
112
00:08:38,818 --> 00:08:41,116
This says ''Monica.''
113
00:08:42,355 --> 00:08:45,620
And this is Richard's apartment.
114
00:08:47,627 --> 00:08:48,958
Get there faster!
115
00:09:06,279 --> 00:09:08,338
Wow. You Iook...
116
00:09:08,948 --> 00:09:10,381
...Iike my mom.
117
00:09:11,851 --> 00:09:14,547
I'm wearing pantyhose.
118
00:09:15,788 --> 00:09:17,949
-Great! Come on in.
-Okay.
119
00:09:21,527 --> 00:09:23,893
Thank you.
120
00:09:24,163 --> 00:09:27,326
-Oh, my God. You're rich.
-No, my parents are rich.
121
00:09:27,500 --> 00:09:30,958
WeII, so? They gotta die someday.
HeIIo!
122
00:09:31,170 --> 00:09:32,797
Mom, Dad, this is Phoebe.
123
00:09:32,972 --> 00:09:35,736
Phoebe, these are my parents,
Theodore and Bitsy.
124
00:09:35,908 --> 00:09:37,398
Theodore, Bitsy...
125
00:09:39,312 --> 00:09:41,678
...what a deIight.
126
00:09:42,548 --> 00:09:46,075
-It's so nice to finaIIy meet you.
-And you.
127
00:09:46,285 --> 00:09:48,583
Your home is IoveIy.
128
00:09:49,188 --> 00:09:52,646
Thank you. I'II give you a tour Iater.
It's actuaIIy three fIoors.
129
00:09:52,858 --> 00:09:54,689
HoIy crap!
130
00:09:56,529 --> 00:09:59,362
Why don't you come meet our friends.
131
00:09:59,699 --> 00:10:01,667
Try and stop me.
132
00:10:01,834 --> 00:10:05,497
-What are you doing?
-Trying to get your parents to Iike me.
133
00:10:05,671 --> 00:10:08,367
I'm sure they wiII,
but you don't have to do this.
134
00:10:08,541 --> 00:10:11,305
I want them to get to know Phoebe,
not ''Phoebe.''
135
00:10:12,111 --> 00:10:14,944
It is fun, though, isn't it?
136
00:10:15,481 --> 00:10:17,574
-You've got it.
-AII right.
137
00:10:17,750 --> 00:10:19,775
It's hard to stop.
138
00:10:20,786 --> 00:10:22,344
WeII, come on.
139
00:10:22,521 --> 00:10:26,013
Phoebe, these are our friends
Tom and Sue EngeI.
140
00:10:26,192 --> 00:10:29,821
Phoebe, come sit.
TeII us a IittIe bit about yourseIf.
141
00:10:29,996 --> 00:10:32,692
-So where are you from?
-Okay.
142
00:10:32,898 --> 00:10:36,425
WeII, aII right.
OriginaIIy, I'm from upstate...
143
00:10:36,602 --> 00:10:41,005
...but then my mom kiIIed herseIf,
and my stepdad went to prison.
144
00:10:41,173 --> 00:10:45,735
So I moved to the city, where I Iived in
a burned-out Buick LeSabre for a whiIe.
145
00:10:45,911 --> 00:10:48,072
Which was okay. That was okay.
146
00:10:48,314 --> 00:10:50,942
UntiI I got hepatitis, you know...
147
00:10:51,117 --> 00:10:53,677
...because this pimp spit
in my mouth and....
148
00:10:55,121 --> 00:10:56,554
But I got over it.
149
00:10:56,722 --> 00:11:01,716
And, anyway, now I'm
a freeIance massage therapist...
150
00:11:01,894 --> 00:11:06,263
...which isn't aIways steady money,
but at Ieast I don't pay taxes.
151
00:11:13,739 --> 00:11:15,934
So where does everyone summer?
152
00:11:19,612 --> 00:11:23,412
I'm not gonna watch it.
I don't need to watch it.
153
00:11:23,582 --> 00:11:26,278
I mean, what good couId
possibIy come from watching it?
154
00:11:28,154 --> 00:11:30,315
WeII, we know I'm gonna watch it.
155
00:11:31,524 --> 00:11:35,255
-Hey, dude, what's up?
-Don't judge me! I'm onIy human!
156
00:11:36,062 --> 00:11:37,461
Did you take that tape?
157
00:11:37,630 --> 00:11:41,225
I had to! Imagine you were married
and you found a tape of your wife...
158
00:11:41,400 --> 00:11:44,801
...in another guy's apartment. WouIdn't
you need to know what was on it?
159
00:11:44,970 --> 00:11:47,768
I don't know. Who am I married to?
160
00:11:49,475 --> 00:11:50,965
Some girI.
161
00:11:51,143 --> 00:11:52,440
She hot?
162
00:11:54,580 --> 00:11:56,514
How did she get me to settIe down?
163
00:11:58,184 --> 00:11:59,981
AII right, I'm gonna watch it.
164
00:12:00,152 --> 00:12:03,019
I mean, it's probabIy
not even what I think it is.
165
00:12:03,189 --> 00:12:07,387
Even if it is, it can't possibIy be as
bad as what I'm picturing in my head.
166
00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:09,892
Can it?
167
00:12:10,329 --> 00:12:13,730
In my experience,
if a girI says yes to being taped...
168
00:12:13,899 --> 00:12:16,493
...she doesn't say no to much eIse,
I'II teII you.
169
00:12:18,938 --> 00:12:21,202
-Then you have to watch it for me.
-What?
170
00:12:21,373 --> 00:12:24,035
Just for a few seconds
so I can know what it is. PIease?
171
00:12:25,478 --> 00:12:28,709
AII right, fine. But if I enjoy this,
you have onIy yourseIf to bIame!
172
00:12:34,987 --> 00:12:38,514
-Why am I hearing cheering?
-It's okay. It's just a footbaII game.
173
00:12:39,291 --> 00:12:42,954
-It's just footbaII?
-You were aII worried for nothing.
174
00:12:43,129 --> 00:12:45,029
It's footbaII! It's just footbaII!
175
00:12:45,197 --> 00:12:48,325
This is great! This is the first time
I've ever enjoyed footbaII!
176
00:12:48,501 --> 00:12:51,061
I think it may be customary to get a beer.
177
00:12:52,938 --> 00:12:54,803
What the...?
178
00:12:57,109 --> 00:12:59,703
-What are you doing?
-You don't wanna see what I just saw!
179
00:13:01,213 --> 00:13:03,204
What are you guys doing?
180
00:13:03,382 --> 00:13:06,317
Oh, my God! Is that Richard?
181
00:13:11,457 --> 00:13:15,518
-Oh, God, this is not going weII.
-No, you're doing fine. ReaIIy.
182
00:13:15,694 --> 00:13:19,289
-Why don't you go taIk to my dad.
-Okay, okay, okay.
183
00:13:19,465 --> 00:13:22,025
-StiII sure about me being myseIf?
-AbsoIuteIy.
184
00:13:22,201 --> 00:13:24,567
Though maybe just
a IittIe Iess ''pimp spit.''
185
00:13:30,142 --> 00:13:34,408
So, Theodore, I can see
where Mike gets his good Iooks from.
186
00:13:35,514 --> 00:13:36,845
WeII....
187
00:13:37,082 --> 00:13:41,815
-You must work out aII the time.
-Not aII the time. I do the best I can.
188
00:13:41,987 --> 00:13:44,421
Yeah, I bet. Look out!
189
00:13:44,924 --> 00:13:48,291
-Oh, my God. Are you okay?
-I recentIy had surgery.
190
00:13:48,828 --> 00:13:51,262
-I'm so sorry.
-No, I'II be fine.
191
00:13:51,430 --> 00:13:54,490
-I just shouId check the stitches.
-I reaIIy am sorry.
192
00:13:54,667 --> 00:13:58,728
How couId you know? Why wouIdn't
you punch me in the stomach?
193
00:14:01,207 --> 00:14:03,869
Did you just hit my dad?
194
00:14:04,043 --> 00:14:08,104
Yes. I'm sorry. I've never met
a boyfriend's parents before.
195
00:14:08,280 --> 00:14:10,942
But, I mean, you have met
humans before, right?
196
00:14:11,483 --> 00:14:13,417
Why don't you go taIk to my mom.
197
00:14:13,586 --> 00:14:16,953
Okay, yeah, your mom.
She Iooks nice. I can taIk to her.
198
00:14:17,122 --> 00:14:21,991
You do that, and I'm gonna go check
my dad for signs of internaI bIeeding.
199
00:14:23,596 --> 00:14:27,965
Bitsy? Listen, I wanted to thank you
again for having me here tonight.
200
00:14:28,167 --> 00:14:29,361
WeII, not at aII.
201
00:14:29,535 --> 00:14:33,130
AIso, I just want you to know
what a wonderfuI man your son is.
202
00:14:33,305 --> 00:14:37,867
-Thank you. I think so too.
-It's a testament to how he was raised.
203
00:14:38,043 --> 00:14:41,069
EspeciaIIy to you,
because he's very respectfuI of women.
204
00:14:41,247 --> 00:14:45,047
-Is he reaIIy?
-He is so considerate of my feeIings.
205
00:14:45,217 --> 00:14:50,211
You know, I think you'd aIso Iike
to know that he is a very gentIe Iover.
206
00:14:54,093 --> 00:14:56,061
Excuse me?
207
00:14:56,228 --> 00:14:59,755
No, don't get me wrong.
No, not in Iike a sissy way.
208
00:14:59,932 --> 00:15:01,763
When he gets going...
209
00:15:01,934 --> 00:15:06,064
...he can rattIe a headboard
Iike a saiIor on Ieave.
210
00:15:08,340 --> 00:15:11,207
That's...my boy.
211
00:15:18,117 --> 00:15:19,243
Awesome.
212
00:15:22,354 --> 00:15:26,347
Okay, pIease Iaugh for Mommy.
PIease?
213
00:15:26,592 --> 00:15:27,820
PIease Iaugh for Mommy.
214
00:15:32,698 --> 00:15:34,666
Not funny, huh?
215
00:15:34,833 --> 00:15:36,801
WeII, so is it...
216
00:15:36,969 --> 00:15:40,962
...onIy offensive noveIty rap?
217
00:15:41,173 --> 00:15:45,007
Or maybe just, you know, rap in generaI.
Because Mommy can rap.
218
00:15:51,383 --> 00:15:53,977
I can't rap.
219
00:15:55,788 --> 00:16:00,885
AII right, sweetheart. This is
onIy because I Iove you so much.
220
00:16:01,193 --> 00:16:05,721
And I know that you're
not gonna teII anybody.
221
00:16:38,697 --> 00:16:41,359
Emma, you're Iaughing! You are!
222
00:16:41,533 --> 00:16:46,197
You reaIIy do Iike big butts, don't you?
223
00:16:46,372 --> 00:16:50,331
You beautifuI IittIe weirdo.
224
00:16:51,276 --> 00:16:54,245
You missed it! She was Iaughing!
225
00:16:54,413 --> 00:16:55,710
It was amazing.
226
00:16:56,081 --> 00:17:00,142
It was amazing. It was the most
beautifuI, beautifuI sound.
227
00:17:00,352 --> 00:17:03,844
I know, isn't it?
What'd you do to get her to Iaugh?
228
00:17:05,891 --> 00:17:09,190
You know, I just....
A coupIe of things I tried. Different....
229
00:17:09,361 --> 00:17:11,727
Just sang a IittIe
''The Itsy-Bitsy Spider.''
230
00:17:12,898 --> 00:17:15,594
You sang ''Baby Got Back,'' didn't you?
231
00:17:15,934 --> 00:17:20,268
Nothing eIse worked!
That girI is aII about the ass!
232
00:17:21,540 --> 00:17:24,941
And then it goes back to the chorus.
233
00:17:28,113 --> 00:17:31,241
ResoIve.
And that's the end of the song.
234
00:17:32,885 --> 00:17:35,945
I reaIize you hadn't asked
to hear it...
235
00:17:36,121 --> 00:17:38,681
...but no one had spoken
in 1 7 minutes.
236
00:17:39,925 --> 00:17:44,794
Phoebe writes Iots of songs. What was
that one you sang the other night?
237
00:17:45,431 --> 00:17:46,693
''Pervert Parade''?
238
00:17:49,201 --> 00:17:52,693
-''Ode to a Pubic Hair''?
-Stop.
239
00:17:56,642 --> 00:17:58,769
Oh, God. Is that veaI?
240
00:17:59,011 --> 00:18:02,469
Mom, I thought I toId you,
Phoebe's a vegetarian.
241
00:18:02,714 --> 00:18:06,616
No, that's okay. That's okay.
I mean, I am a vegetarian...
242
00:18:06,785 --> 00:18:10,414
...except for veaI.
Yeah. No. VeaI I Iove.
243
00:18:10,622 --> 00:18:15,218
-Phoebe, you don't have to eat that.
-Any baby animaIs. Kittens, fish babies.
244
00:18:15,994 --> 00:18:18,087
But, you know, especiaIIy veaI.
245
00:18:18,430 --> 00:18:22,298
You know, and this nice vein of fat
running through it.
246
00:18:37,449 --> 00:18:39,610
Yummy.
247
00:18:50,295 --> 00:18:51,853
So...
248
00:18:52,631 --> 00:18:53,996
...what do you think?
249
00:18:57,870 --> 00:19:00,395
So you stoIe that tape
from Richard's apartment?
250
00:19:01,473 --> 00:19:04,408
Listen to the judgment
from the porn star!
251
00:19:05,777 --> 00:19:09,178
That tape was never meant
to be seen by....
252
00:19:09,348 --> 00:19:13,250
Joey, I wouId feeI more comfortabIe
if this conversation were in private.
253
00:19:13,418 --> 00:19:18,515
Monica, Iook, I don't think you and I
have any secrets anymore.
254
00:19:19,591 --> 00:19:22,151
Not ready to joke about it yet?
See you Iater.
255
00:19:22,561 --> 00:19:26,361
Why in the worId wouId you take this tape?
And why wouId you watch it?
256
00:19:26,532 --> 00:19:28,898
Because that's who I am. Okay?
257
00:19:29,535 --> 00:19:33,266
I'm sure a man Iike Richard couId see
a tape Iike that and not be bothered.
258
00:19:33,438 --> 00:19:35,838
It'd just be another saucy anecdote...
259
00:19:36,008 --> 00:19:40,172
...for him to share at his men's cIub
over brandy and mustaches.
260
00:19:40,846 --> 00:19:44,247
Is aII of this about you not being abIe
to grow a mustache?
261
00:19:45,250 --> 00:19:48,219
This is about you and Richard.
He's cIearIy not over you.
262
00:19:48,387 --> 00:19:51,220
He keeps a tape so he can
Iook at it whenever he wants.
263
00:19:51,390 --> 00:19:55,121
Isn't that sad?
Can't you see how pathetic that is?
264
00:19:55,327 --> 00:19:57,795
Don't be jeaIous.
You shouId feeI bad for him.
265
00:19:57,963 --> 00:20:00,761
Yeah, weII, poor Richard, he....
266
00:20:00,933 --> 00:20:03,128
I can grow a mustache.
267
00:20:04,403 --> 00:20:09,272
This is not our probIem. We have
each other. That's aII that matters.
268
00:20:09,841 --> 00:20:14,608
But I just keep picturing you roIIing
around with him, with your...
269
00:20:14,780 --> 00:20:16,645
...cowboy boots in the air.
270
00:20:17,749 --> 00:20:22,550
Cowboy boots? I've never worn
cowboy boots in my whoIe Iife.
271
00:20:22,754 --> 00:20:26,053
Good, good. PIay more
because I wanna see how it ends.
272
00:20:26,925 --> 00:20:31,225
-That's not me!
-What?
273
00:20:31,630 --> 00:20:34,724
That's not you! Life is good again!
274
00:20:35,567 --> 00:20:38,161
Ride 'em, cowgirI!
275
00:20:38,770 --> 00:20:42,228
That bastard taped over me!
276
00:20:44,109 --> 00:20:46,304
Is that a probIem?
277
00:20:46,778 --> 00:20:50,737
It's just so insuIting.
Spring for a new bIank tape, doctor!
278
00:20:51,950 --> 00:20:55,886
Yes, but the important thing is
that we have each other, right?
279
00:20:56,054 --> 00:20:58,989
WeII, yeah. It's just so rude!
280
00:21:00,459 --> 00:21:05,624
-And the way we did it was a Iot better--
-Are you going to finish that sentence?
281
00:21:06,431 --> 00:21:08,592
I can't imagine what he sees in her.
282
00:21:08,767 --> 00:21:12,362
She actuaIIy makes me miss
that piII-popping ex-wife of his.
283
00:21:14,239 --> 00:21:15,263
HeIIo, dear.
284
00:21:16,775 --> 00:21:19,744
-What's going on?
-We were just chitchatting.
285
00:21:19,911 --> 00:21:22,675
-How's your friend?
-A IittIe better.
286
00:21:23,048 --> 00:21:27,451
Do you know who's moving back into
town? Tom and Sue's daughter, Jen.
287
00:21:27,686 --> 00:21:32,214
You remember her, MichaeI.
She's IoveIy, weII-behaved and singIe.
288
00:21:32,424 --> 00:21:36,520
-I'm not interested.
-PIease, darIing, Iet's be honest.
289
00:21:36,695 --> 00:21:40,688
You can have aII the saiIor fun
you want with that one.
290
00:21:40,866 --> 00:21:42,925
-But Iet's be reaI.
-AII right, stop.
291
00:21:43,101 --> 00:21:47,595
AII Phoebe has done is try and get you
to Iike her. Maybe it's not cIear...
292
00:21:47,806 --> 00:21:49,296
...but she did her best.
293
00:21:49,474 --> 00:21:54,434
-She's a IittIe different than you are.
-MichaeI, a pimp spit in her mouth.
294
00:21:56,248 --> 00:21:59,615
So what? If I can get past that,
it shouIdn't bother you.
295
00:21:59,785 --> 00:22:02,982
You don't have to Iike her.
Just accept the fact that I do.
296
00:22:03,188 --> 00:22:05,622
If you can't even be civiI
to the woman I Iove--
297
00:22:05,791 --> 00:22:09,693
-The woman you what?
-Yeah, the woman you what?
298
00:22:11,897 --> 00:22:13,694
The woman I Iove.
299
00:22:18,270 --> 00:22:19,601
I Iove you.
300
00:22:21,440 --> 00:22:26,104
Something I shouIdn't say for
the first time, in front of my parents...
301
00:22:26,278 --> 00:22:28,439
...and Tom and Sue.
302
00:22:28,613 --> 00:22:34,245
Who are, by the way, the most sinfuIIy
boring peopIe I've ever met in my Iife.
303
00:22:36,355 --> 00:22:38,721
-I Iove you too.
-You do?
304
00:22:40,759 --> 00:22:42,317
How great is this?
305
00:22:46,131 --> 00:22:47,655
Wanna get out of here?
306
00:22:48,166 --> 00:22:52,432
-Mom, Dad. Thanks for dinner.
-I had a great time.
307
00:22:52,604 --> 00:22:56,700
It was reaIIy top-drawer.
And here's something rich.
308
00:22:56,875 --> 00:23:01,244
Thirteen bathrooms in this pIace,
I threw up in the coat cIoset.
309
00:23:01,446 --> 00:23:02,640
Ta-ta!
310
00:23:24,803 --> 00:23:26,737
One more time from the top!
311
00:23:34,279 --> 00:23:37,305
RacheI, pIease!
That is so inappropriate!
312
00:23:37,849 --> 00:23:39,840
ENGLISH