1
00:00:01,568 --> 00:00:02,694
Hey, Ross.

2
00:00:02,869 --> 00:00:06,532
l'm so glad someone's here.
Could you zip me up?

3
00:00:09,275 --> 00:00:10,708
-Sure.
-Thank you.

4
00:00:10,877 --> 00:00:13,505
Can you believe no one
between my apartment and here...

5
00:00:13,680 --> 00:00:15,841
...offered to do that for me?

6
00:00:16,016 --> 00:00:17,540
People.

7
00:00:18,418 --> 00:00:21,410
So why are you so dressed up?

8
00:00:21,588 --> 00:00:23,783
Mike's picking me up for a date.

9
00:00:23,957 --> 00:00:26,926
How's that going?
ls it getting serious?

10
00:00:27,093 --> 00:00:30,551
l don't know. l don't know.
l mean, l like him.

11
00:00:30,730 --> 00:00:34,063
But am l ready to take
my Grade A loins off the meat market?

12
00:00:34,234 --> 00:00:36,361
l'm not quite sure.

13
00:00:37,904 --> 00:00:41,897
You know, l really admire
your whole dating attitude.

14
00:00:42,075 --> 00:00:45,203
lt's so healthy. l'm always like,
''ls this moving too fast?

15
00:00:45,378 --> 00:00:47,938
ls this moving too slow?
Where's this going?''

16
00:00:48,114 --> 00:00:51,106
l know.
You are a bit of a drama queen.

17
00:00:51,885 --> 00:00:56,151
You're so much better off. You just
go from guy to guy having fun...

18
00:00:56,322 --> 00:01:00,622
...and not worrying that it
never turns into anything serious.

19
00:01:00,794 --> 00:01:02,989
l wouldn't say ''never.''

20
00:01:03,196 --> 00:01:05,460
You know, there is that guy.

21
00:01:06,232 --> 00:01:08,200
Okay, well, what about...?

22
00:01:08,868 --> 00:01:11,428
Okay, there's gotta be someone.

23
00:01:11,604 --> 00:01:16,337
-There isn't! That's what l'm saying.
-Oh, my God, you're right!

24
00:01:16,509 --> 00:01:20,138
l know. And yet, here you are,
all ready for the next date.

25
00:01:21,481 --> 00:01:24,382
l can't believe l never
realized this before.

26
00:01:24,551 --> 00:01:28,817
l'm in my 30s, and l've never been
in a long-term relationship.

27
00:01:28,988 --> 00:01:31,786
Oh, my God, what's wrong with me?

28
00:01:35,695 --> 00:01:37,458
There's nothing wrong with you.

29
00:01:37,630 --> 00:01:42,966
l mean, you don't strike me as the type
of person that wants to get married.

30
00:01:43,136 --> 00:01:45,502
l want to get married!

31
00:01:45,672 --> 00:01:48,072
No, please--
Please don't cry because of me.

32
00:01:48,274 --> 00:01:53,143
l don't know what l'm talking about,
okay? l've been divorced three times.

33
00:01:53,313 --> 00:01:54,974
At least you've been married.

34
00:01:55,148 --> 00:01:58,584
Oh, my God!
l want to trade lives with Ross?!

35
00:02:01,554 --> 00:02:03,522
Phoebe.

36
00:02:03,823 --> 00:02:06,656
-What's wrong?
-Nothing. l'm excited about our date.

37
00:02:08,228 --> 00:02:12,892
Mike, this is Ross Geller.
Ross, this is Mike--

38
00:02:14,901 --> 00:02:17,062
-Sorry, l didn't catch that.
-Mike Hanigan.

39
00:02:17,237 --> 00:02:19,000
-Ross Geller.
-Hey.

40
00:02:19,405 --> 00:02:22,340
So are you sure you're ready to go?

41
00:02:23,376 --> 00:02:25,105
How do l look?

42
00:02:26,813 --> 00:02:30,214
-Do you have a compact in your purse?
-No.

43
00:02:30,416 --> 00:02:32,316
You look great.

44
00:03:23,269 --> 00:03:26,102
-Hey, Joey.
-This girl won't turn around.

45
00:03:26,272 --> 00:03:29,799
l can't tell if she's hot or not.
What do you think?

46
00:03:29,976 --> 00:03:34,072
Joey, l am not going
to objectify women with you.

47
00:03:34,347 --> 00:03:36,611
But if her face is
as nice as her ass....

48
00:03:36,783 --> 00:03:38,978
-Mama!
-All right. Thanks.

49
00:03:39,152 --> 00:03:42,781
-Have you talked to Chandler?
-He has to stay in Tulsa this weekend.

50
00:03:42,956 --> 00:03:45,356
-How come?
-l don't know. He has to work.

51
00:03:45,525 --> 00:03:48,426
There's some big rush on the....

52
00:03:51,497 --> 00:03:56,628
Damn it. l'm gonna have to start
listening when he talks about his job.

53
00:03:56,869 --> 00:03:58,894
Why don't you fly out there
and surprise him?

54
00:03:59,072 --> 00:04:01,097
l'd love to. l really miss him.

55
00:04:01,274 --> 00:04:04,334
But l can't. l have one day off
and it's just too expensive.

56
00:04:04,510 --> 00:04:08,708
lnteresting. So Chandler's not worth
the price of a plane ticket to you.

57
00:04:10,116 --> 00:04:12,141
Of course he is.

58
00:04:13,019 --> 00:04:15,385
Maybe l will go.

59
00:04:16,823 --> 00:04:20,816
We'll have a little second honeymoon
at the Tulsa Ramada.

60
00:04:20,994 --> 00:04:26,557
You should bring your black see-through
teddy with the attached garters.

61
00:04:29,535 --> 00:04:33,665
-How do you know l have one of those?
-Didn't until just now.

62
00:04:36,009 --> 00:04:38,273
Hot. Not hot.

63
00:04:39,412 --> 00:04:41,004
Hot!

64
00:04:41,714 --> 00:04:42,840
Excuse me?

65
00:04:46,185 --> 00:04:48,779
l said that l think you're hot.

66
00:04:48,988 --> 00:04:52,048
And...now l'm embarrassed.

67
00:04:52,492 --> 00:04:54,585
l thought you said ''hi.''

68
00:04:55,295 --> 00:04:57,354
That would've been better.

69
00:04:57,530 --> 00:05:00,727
l'll try that. Hi, l'm Joey.

70
00:05:00,900 --> 00:05:02,128
l'm Hayley.

71
00:05:03,136 --> 00:05:08,403
Look, l don't normally ask out women
that l meet in coffeehouses.

72
00:05:12,011 --> 00:05:13,569
Gesundheit.

73
00:05:18,785 --> 00:05:20,446
But....

74
00:05:21,354 --> 00:05:24,346
This is hard. l'm kind of shy.

75
00:05:27,794 --> 00:05:30,126
Seriously, you should see someone
about that cold.

76
00:05:30,296 --> 00:05:32,321
lf it gets much worse, you could die.

77
00:05:35,802 --> 00:05:39,067
-Anyway--
-l would love to go out with you.

78
00:05:39,572 --> 00:05:42,507
Really? Great.

79
00:05:42,675 --> 00:05:45,371
Did l--?
Did l actually ask you?

80
00:05:45,545 --> 00:05:48,810
That's just where you were going.
l figured l'd help you out.

81
00:05:48,981 --> 00:05:53,714
You don't seem like the kind of guy
who does this a lot?

82
00:05:57,457 --> 00:05:59,755
Damn it, Gunther, you gave it to me.

83
00:06:05,398 --> 00:06:07,263
Oh, it's you.

84
00:06:07,433 --> 00:06:10,960
With vegetarian corndogs.

85
00:06:12,372 --> 00:06:14,067
Come on, l just want to talk to you.

86
00:06:14,240 --> 00:06:16,834
About what? How few ova l have left?

87
00:06:17,810 --> 00:06:21,177
Come on, l just wanna apologize
for what happened yesterday.

88
00:06:22,081 --> 00:06:24,049
l'm sorry, Phoebe.

89
00:06:25,385 --> 00:06:27,785
That's okay, Ross.

90
00:06:32,091 --> 00:06:34,821
-So how'd the date go?
-Well, it was awful.

91
00:06:34,994 --> 00:06:36,586
l barely got through dinner.

92
00:06:36,763 --> 00:06:39,357
Every time l thought about
what you said, l cried.

93
00:06:39,866 --> 00:06:44,894
l'm pretty sure he spent most of the night
just staring at me in horror.

94
00:06:45,071 --> 00:06:49,132
But l couldn't know for sure
because my eyes were swollen shut.

95
00:06:50,376 --> 00:06:52,776
You know l wasn't trying
to make you cry.

96
00:06:52,945 --> 00:06:55,573
l was really trying to say something nice.

97
00:06:55,748 --> 00:06:59,741
l was basically saying even though
you've never been in a serious relationship--

98
00:06:59,919 --> 00:07:02,786
-Are we gonna do this again?
-Sorry.

99
00:07:03,055 --> 00:07:05,922
-So he hasn't called?
-Would you call this girl:

100
00:07:06,092 --> 00:07:09,289
''Thanks for...a lovely...evening''?

101
00:07:10,363 --> 00:07:12,831
Now l feel terrible.
This is all my fault.

102
00:07:12,999 --> 00:07:15,524
You know what you should
feel terrible about?

103
00:07:15,701 --> 00:07:17,862
This could have been my serious guy.

104
00:07:18,037 --> 00:07:20,528
He was sweet and smart and funny.

105
00:07:20,706 --> 00:07:23,072
You know how hard it is
to meet a guy like that?

106
00:07:23,543 --> 00:07:25,636
We are a rare breed.

107
00:07:29,849 --> 00:07:31,680
Hey, maybe that's him.

108
00:07:33,920 --> 00:07:35,182
Hello?

109
00:07:35,354 --> 00:07:36,912
Could you hold on one sec?

110
00:07:37,089 --> 00:07:39,751
-l need some privacy.
-ls it Mike?

111
00:07:39,926 --> 00:07:43,760
No, it's a heavy breather.
l'll take what l can get.

112
00:07:44,630 --> 00:07:46,291
l'm listening.

113
00:07:51,471 --> 00:07:53,166
What a great dinner.

114
00:07:53,339 --> 00:07:57,503
Thanks again for letting me have that
last piece of cake at the restaurant.

115
00:07:58,511 --> 00:08:01,878
You're welcome again.
l'm gonna go make some coffee.

116
00:08:02,048 --> 00:08:04,608
-Can l get you anything?
-Do you have any cake?

117
00:08:10,823 --> 00:08:12,984
<i>So this is going pretty good.</i>

118
00:08:13,159 --> 00:08:16,390
<i>Dinner was nice.</i>
<i>We've got a lot in common.</i>

119
00:08:16,562 --> 00:08:18,621
<i>Victoria's Secret.</i>

120
00:08:18,798 --> 00:08:20,561
<i>We even like the same books.</i>

121
00:08:24,036 --> 00:08:25,594
<i>There's a scary painting.</i>

122
00:08:26,506 --> 00:08:27,871
<i>Wait a minute.</i>

123
00:08:28,040 --> 00:08:31,703
<i>I think I've been scared</i>
<i>by that painting before.</i>

124
00:08:33,045 --> 00:08:35,639
<i>You know what?</i>
<i>This whole place looks familiar.</i>

125
00:08:35,815 --> 00:08:37,908
<i>I have definitely been</i>
<i>in this apartment.</i>

126
00:08:38,084 --> 00:08:40,848
<i>I know I've seen</i>
<i>this weird plant before.</i>

127
00:08:41,787 --> 00:08:44,381
<i>It did that the last time!</i>

128
00:08:44,557 --> 00:08:47,526
<i>Oh, my God.</i>
<i>I've gone out with this girl before.</i>

129
00:08:47,693 --> 00:08:50,059
<i>Yeah! We had sex on this couch!</i>

130
00:08:50,263 --> 00:08:52,959
<i>And then on that chair, and</i>--
<i>No.</i>

131
00:08:53,132 --> 00:08:54,997
<i>No, we didn't do it here...</i>

132
00:08:55,167 --> 00:08:59,035
<i>...which is weird, because it seems</i>
<i>like a perfectly good place.</i>

133
00:08:59,205 --> 00:09:00,797
That's why.

134
00:09:08,848 --> 00:09:13,217
Hey, Mike. Sorry to just drop by
like this. Can l come in?

135
00:09:13,386 --> 00:09:14,853
Sure.

136
00:09:15,421 --> 00:09:17,150
Who are you?

137
00:09:17,657 --> 00:09:20,649
l'm Ross. Phoebe's friend
from the coffeehouse?

138
00:09:20,826 --> 00:09:24,592
l really, really need to talk
to you about something.

139
00:09:24,797 --> 00:09:25,991
Unless....

140
00:09:26,165 --> 00:09:30,499
You're not gonna try
and get me to join a cult, are you?

141
00:09:31,871 --> 00:09:35,307
No, it's just, you know,
you have that look.

142
00:09:35,875 --> 00:09:38,537
Damn Supercuts!

143
00:09:40,613 --> 00:09:44,049
-Well, what's up? ls Phoebe okay?
-Oh, yeah, yeah.

144
00:09:44,216 --> 00:09:47,447
Phoebe is great. But....

145
00:09:47,620 --> 00:09:49,611
l'm an idiot, okay?

146
00:09:49,822 --> 00:09:51,881
Right before you guys went out...

147
00:09:54,760 --> 00:09:58,526
...l accidentally got her all upset.

148
00:09:59,498 --> 00:10:00,897
That's why she was weird.

149
00:10:01,067 --> 00:10:03,297
Yes. Yeah, l....

150
00:10:05,705 --> 00:10:10,733
Yeah, l said something stupid about her
never having had a serious relationship.

151
00:10:10,910 --> 00:10:14,971
But you should know, she is
so much fun. A wonderful person.

152
00:10:15,147 --> 00:10:19,311
-Please, don't blow her off.
-l'm not gonna blow her off.

153
00:10:19,485 --> 00:10:22,420
l just spoke to her.
We're going out tomorrow night.

154
00:10:22,588 --> 00:10:27,685
l mean, l hope that's okay with you,
stranger from the coffeehouse.

155
00:10:30,496 --> 00:10:34,432
That's great. So the crying
didn't turn you off?

156
00:10:35,301 --> 00:10:38,532
l just got out of a nine-year relationship
with a manic-depressive.

157
00:10:38,704 --> 00:10:41,195
Compared to that,
Phoebe's a Mousketeer.

158
00:10:41,741 --> 00:10:44,574
Well, then, l didn't need
to bother you.

159
00:10:44,744 --> 00:10:48,840
You or the four other
Mike Hanigans l bothered.

160
00:10:49,915 --> 00:10:54,978
One of whom was quite large
and a little flirty.

161
00:10:59,725 --> 00:11:03,456
Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait.
ls that true what you said?

162
00:11:03,629 --> 00:11:06,996
Phoebe's never had
a serious relationship?

163
00:11:07,667 --> 00:11:09,430
Of course she has.

164
00:11:09,669 --> 00:11:12,160
lf she's never had
a serious relationship...

165
00:11:12,338 --> 00:11:14,602
...do you think l'd go
around broadcasting it...

166
00:11:14,774 --> 00:11:19,177
...like some kind
of unstoppable moron?

167
00:11:20,379 --> 00:11:24,509
-But you did say it.
-Yes. Yes, l did.

168
00:11:25,885 --> 00:11:28,353
And l will also say...

169
00:11:28,521 --> 00:11:31,149
...what l'm about to say...

170
00:11:31,757 --> 00:11:33,850
...vis-à-vis...

171
00:11:34,026 --> 00:11:36,187
...the following.

172
00:11:37,730 --> 00:11:43,168
Phoebe has never had
a serious relationship...

173
00:11:43,602 --> 00:11:45,092
...since...

174
00:11:45,271 --> 00:11:49,970
...her super-serious relationship...

175
00:11:50,176 --> 00:11:51,404
...with...

176
00:11:51,577 --> 00:11:53,101
...Vikram.

177
00:11:54,580 --> 00:11:57,413
-Vikram?
-What? That's a real name.

178
00:12:06,592 --> 00:12:08,287
Stop it!

179
00:12:08,461 --> 00:12:11,396
Why couldn't they have
sent me to Texas?

180
00:12:12,298 --> 00:12:14,323
Seven o'clock.

181
00:12:14,600 --> 00:12:16,693
Maybe l'll hit the gym.

182
00:12:22,475 --> 00:12:25,638
Who am l kidding?
Pay-per-view porn.

183
00:12:39,725 --> 00:12:42,592
-Do not disturb! Do not disturb!
-Surprise!

184
00:12:44,797 --> 00:12:47,459
-Monica?
-ls everything all right?

185
00:12:47,633 --> 00:12:49,533
Yeah, everything's great.
l was just...

186
00:12:49,735 --> 00:12:52,636
...watching some
regular television there.

187
00:12:53,239 --> 00:12:56,003
What a pleasant surprise.

188
00:13:03,516 --> 00:13:06,849
-l'm gonna go freshen up, okay?
-Okay, honey.

189
00:13:12,124 --> 00:13:13,887
That was close.

190
00:13:25,237 --> 00:13:27,569
-Hello.
-<i>Hey, Rach, it's me.</i>

191
00:13:27,740 --> 00:13:32,040
Okay, l just got to Chandler's room,
and l caught him...

192
00:13:32,211 --> 00:13:34,236
...molesting himself.

193
00:13:35,948 --> 00:13:38,041
That couldn't have been pretty.

194
00:13:38,217 --> 00:13:40,310
But you know, guys do that.

195
00:13:40,486 --> 00:13:41,976
Well, the weird part is...

196
00:13:42,154 --> 00:13:45,612
...he was getting off...
to a shark-attack show!

197
00:13:46,091 --> 00:13:50,721
-No!
-Yes! Chandler watches shark porn!

198
00:13:58,170 --> 00:14:00,229
-While watching sharks?
-Yeah.

199
00:14:00,406 --> 00:14:02,738
Are you sure that's what
he was doing?

200
00:14:02,908 --> 00:14:05,809
You know how many times
l've seen him jump up like that?

201
00:14:05,978 --> 00:14:07,969
Believe me, l know what he was doing.

202
00:14:09,081 --> 00:14:11,549
Man! Sharks!

203
00:14:11,717 --> 00:14:15,084
l always knew there was something
weird about that dude.

204
00:14:15,788 --> 00:14:17,585
You promised to love him
no matter what.

205
00:14:17,756 --> 00:14:21,920
''What'' means, like, if he
gets a disease or kills someone.

206
00:14:22,428 --> 00:14:26,091
Not if he gets his jollies to <i>Jaws.</i>

207
00:14:27,166 --> 00:14:29,361
You know what, honey?
Guys are just different.

208
00:14:29,535 --> 00:14:32,129
They like things
that we can't understand.

209
00:14:32,304 --> 00:14:34,636
l once dated this guy
who wanted to pretend...

210
00:14:34,807 --> 00:14:37,970
...that he was an archeologist,
and l was this...

211
00:14:38,143 --> 00:14:43,137
...naughty cavewoman
who he unfroze from a block of ice.

212
00:14:44,650 --> 00:14:46,618
Are you talking about my brother?

213
00:14:46,785 --> 00:14:48,946
l didn't disguise that very well, did l?

214
00:14:51,857 --> 00:14:52,915
-Hey.
-Hi.

215
00:14:53,092 --> 00:14:57,188
l went out with this girl last night.
Halfway through our date l realized...

216
00:14:57,363 --> 00:14:58,990
...l already slept with her.

217
00:15:00,966 --> 00:15:05,426
You've slept with all the women in N.Y.,
and now you're going around again?

218
00:15:05,604 --> 00:15:07,094
That's not even the weird part.

219
00:15:07,273 --> 00:15:11,437
-She didn't remember sleeping with me!
-You don't remember sleeping with her.

220
00:15:11,610 --> 00:15:15,273
But she should remember sleeping
with me. l am very memorable!

221
00:15:16,482 --> 00:15:18,382
-You guys know.
-How do we know?

222
00:15:18,550 --> 00:15:21,781
-We've never slept with you.
-And whose fault is that?

223
00:15:23,122 --> 00:15:25,454
What's the big deal?
You forgot, she forgot.

224
00:15:25,624 --> 00:15:28,525
-Maybe you were having an off night.
-Hey!

225
00:15:31,463 --> 00:15:34,057
l never have an off night. Okay?

226
00:15:34,233 --> 00:15:37,600
Although, sometimes if l'm
a little bloated, l don't feel that sexy.

227
00:15:37,770 --> 00:15:40,534
But even then, l'm better than most!

228
00:15:41,373 --> 00:15:44,467
Honey, why don't you just let it go
and ask her out again?

229
00:15:44,643 --> 00:15:47,612
You're both so slutty, you don't
remember who you slept with.

230
00:15:47,780 --> 00:15:49,372
You're made for each other.

231
00:15:51,216 --> 00:15:53,150
lnteresting.

232
00:15:54,453 --> 00:15:57,820
Well, l'll go out with her again
and l'll try to get past it.

233
00:15:57,990 --> 00:16:00,652
No salt! Bloaty!

234
00:16:00,859 --> 00:16:02,292
-Joey?
-What?

235
00:16:02,461 --> 00:16:04,520
You don't think
sharks are sexy, do you?

236
00:16:04,697 --> 00:16:06,289
No.

237
00:16:06,632 --> 00:16:09,465
Wait a minute.
Wait, what was the Little Mermaid?

238
00:16:13,305 --> 00:16:15,398
lt's open!

239
00:16:15,941 --> 00:16:20,401
-Hey.
-Mike called! We're going out again!

240
00:16:23,515 --> 00:16:25,915
Quick thing.
l went to talk to Mike.

241
00:16:26,085 --> 00:16:27,416
What?

242
00:16:27,653 --> 00:16:30,019
What did you--?
What did you do, Ross?

243
00:16:30,189 --> 00:16:33,249
Oh, boy. You got mad at that part.

244
00:16:33,926 --> 00:16:36,827
l went over there, you know,
to tell him how....

245
00:16:36,996 --> 00:16:40,591
How great you are. But....

246
00:16:40,766 --> 00:16:43,462
Well, you know me.
Blah-blah-blah.

247
00:16:45,804 --> 00:16:49,501
-And l ended up telling him that....
-What?

248
00:16:50,642 --> 00:16:53,770
You had a six-year-long relationship...

249
00:16:53,946 --> 00:16:56,039
...with a guy named Vikram.

250
00:16:57,716 --> 00:16:59,707
What? Why?

251
00:16:59,885 --> 00:17:02,547
Well, he seemed...

252
00:17:02,721 --> 00:17:08,660
...to bum hard when l told him you'd
never been in a serious relationship.

253
00:17:11,997 --> 00:17:14,830
lf you hadn't just had a baby
with my best friend...

254
00:17:15,000 --> 00:17:18,367
...l swear to Lucifer...

255
00:17:18,537 --> 00:17:23,531
...a rabid dog would be feasting
on your danglers right now!

256
00:17:24,209 --> 00:17:27,144
l think you'll feel differently
when you know...

257
00:17:27,312 --> 00:17:29,644
...a little bit about Vikram.

258
00:17:30,215 --> 00:17:32,206
Okay, he's a....

259
00:17:32,384 --> 00:17:35,547
He's a kite designer.

260
00:17:37,489 --> 00:17:40,720
And he used to date Oprah.

261
00:17:42,394 --> 00:17:46,228
l'm not going along
with some lie you made up, Ross.

262
00:17:46,398 --> 00:17:48,798
-l'm just gonna be honest with him.
-Good.

263
00:17:48,967 --> 00:17:50,696
Just be honest with him.

264
00:17:50,869 --> 00:17:52,962
-l have nothing to be ashamed of.
-No.

265
00:17:53,138 --> 00:17:57,598
So l haven't been in a relationship
that lasted longer than a month.

266
00:17:57,776 --> 00:18:00,244
Okay? l haven't had a real boyfriend.

267
00:18:00,412 --> 00:18:05,008
lf he can't handle it,
then he can leave. Which he will.

268
00:18:05,184 --> 00:18:08,813
And, you know, that's okay.
So l'll just be alone forever.

269
00:18:08,987 --> 00:18:11,751
You know, all right.
lt'll be fine. lt'll be fine.

270
00:18:11,924 --> 00:18:15,519
l'll go on walking tours
with widows and lesbians.

271
00:18:17,963 --> 00:18:19,897
-l'll get it.
-Okay.

272
00:18:22,768 --> 00:18:26,898
l'm trying to remember the last time
l opened a door and you weren't there.

273
00:18:30,008 --> 00:18:32,670
Phoebe, are you okay?

274
00:18:34,513 --> 00:18:37,710
Yeah. There's just....

275
00:18:38,617 --> 00:18:41,211
There's something you should know.

276
00:18:43,288 --> 00:18:46,280
Vikram just called.

277
00:18:47,626 --> 00:18:50,527
So it was really a shock
after 25 years of marriage...

278
00:18:50,696 --> 00:18:53,631
...my parents getting divorced.
l took it the hardest...

279
00:18:53,799 --> 00:18:56,563
-...because l was the youngest.
-Sure. Yeah.

280
00:18:56,735 --> 00:18:58,999
How can you not remember me?

281
00:18:59,738 --> 00:19:00,762
What?

282
00:19:00,973 --> 00:19:02,907
How could you not remember
that we slept together?

283
00:19:03,075 --> 00:19:06,067
-What? When?
-l don't know!

284
00:19:06,678 --> 00:19:09,943
l really, really think
l would remember sleeping with you.

285
00:19:10,115 --> 00:19:13,551
Come on, come on.
Search your brain, all right? lt was...

286
00:19:13,719 --> 00:19:17,348
...a certain amount of time ago.
l was here. You were here.

287
00:19:17,523 --> 00:19:19,957
We had sex here, here, here....

288
00:19:20,125 --> 00:19:22,059
Not there.

289
00:19:22,227 --> 00:19:25,355
-Anything?
-No, it's not ringing any bells.

290
00:19:25,531 --> 00:19:27,692
My God, woman!

291
00:19:27,866 --> 00:19:30,733
How many people have you been with
not to remember this?

292
00:19:30,903 --> 00:19:34,031
Hey, Hayley.
We really gotta fix that doorknob.

293
00:19:35,774 --> 00:19:36,900
Joey?

294
00:19:41,513 --> 00:19:43,538
l slept with you!

295
00:19:45,284 --> 00:19:49,118
And you obviously remember me!
Hey, l still got it!

296
00:19:49,288 --> 00:19:51,518
So we're good.

297
00:19:52,124 --> 00:19:54,285
l'll let myself out.

298
00:19:56,094 --> 00:19:59,063
And l said, ''Okay, Vikram...

299
00:19:59,231 --> 00:20:02,667
...you can't just call
every time you get lonely.

300
00:20:02,834 --> 00:20:06,292
You gave up that right
when you slept with Rachel.''

301
00:20:07,472 --> 00:20:09,838
Rachel? l thought she just
had a baby with Ross.

302
00:20:10,042 --> 00:20:11,976
Yeah, well....

303
00:20:12,144 --> 00:20:13,975
Yeah.

304
00:20:14,313 --> 00:20:17,407
But Emma's birth certificate
might say ''Geller'' ...

305
00:20:17,583 --> 00:20:20,552
...but her eyes say ''Mukherjee.''

306
00:20:21,787 --> 00:20:25,689
That is so wrong.
And on top of that, he's a glue sniffer?

307
00:20:25,857 --> 00:20:28,792
l know. But he calls,
and my heart goes to him.

308
00:20:28,961 --> 00:20:34,263
You know, that bastard is one
smooth-talking freelance kite designer.

309
00:20:35,867 --> 00:20:39,200
lf you want, l'll mess him up for you.

310
00:20:41,139 --> 00:20:42,504
You would do that?

311
00:20:42,674 --> 00:20:46,235
Unless he's big.
lf he's really big, l'll send him...

312
00:20:46,411 --> 00:20:47,901
...a rude letter.

313
00:20:49,414 --> 00:20:52,542
l think there's somebody
better out there for you.

314
00:20:53,218 --> 00:20:56,915
l mean, you know, l'm--
l'm not saying me, but....

315
00:20:57,923 --> 00:21:00,289
Maybe...me.

316
00:21:02,928 --> 00:21:05,829
And you don't have to worry about
glue-sniffing with me.

317
00:21:05,998 --> 00:21:09,195
Although, l do smell
the occasional Magic Marker.

318
00:21:10,936 --> 00:21:13,803
Yeah. Anyway, l just....

319
00:21:14,273 --> 00:21:16,537
l think l can make you happy.

320
00:21:20,245 --> 00:21:22,679
-Okay, l can't do this.
-What's wrong?

321
00:21:22,848 --> 00:21:26,875
Well, there is no Vikram.
Ross made him up.

322
00:21:27,052 --> 00:21:28,519
Because l....

323
00:21:28,687 --> 00:21:31,588
l really never have been
in a long-term relationship.

324
00:21:31,757 --> 00:21:36,285
l've never lived with a guy. l've never
even celebrated an anniversary.

325
00:21:36,461 --> 00:21:38,258
So....

326
00:21:39,564 --> 00:21:42,465
lf that's too weird for you...

327
00:21:42,668 --> 00:21:44,795
...and you want to leave,
l understand.

328
00:21:44,970 --> 00:21:48,406
ln fact, l'll close my eyes
to make it less awkward.

329
00:21:55,814 --> 00:21:57,941
You kissed me.

330
00:22:00,619 --> 00:22:03,850
-You don't think l'm a total freak?
-No.

331
00:22:04,022 --> 00:22:05,683
Well....

332
00:22:06,458 --> 00:22:07,925
Look, can l...?

333
00:22:08,093 --> 00:22:11,187
Can l think you're a little weird
and also cool...

334
00:22:11,363 --> 00:22:13,831
...for telling me the truth
and also want to kiss you?

335
00:22:13,999 --> 00:22:16,331
l guess so.

336
00:22:16,501 --> 00:22:18,969
Can l think it's cool
that you kissed me...

337
00:22:19,137 --> 00:22:21,628
...and also want to kiss you again?

338
00:22:23,275 --> 00:22:27,473
And be a little concerned
about the Magic Markers?

339
00:22:27,679 --> 00:22:29,613
Definitely.

340
00:22:36,121 --> 00:22:38,521
<i>This is Vikram.</i>

341
00:22:41,860 --> 00:22:46,388
<i>I need to talk to you about</i>
<i>the long-term relationship we had.</i>

342
00:22:46,565 --> 00:22:50,501
<i>Call me. I am in my kite-making studio.</i>

343
00:22:55,273 --> 00:22:57,741
Hi, honey, l'm home.

344
00:22:58,443 --> 00:22:59,705
Hi.

345
00:22:59,878 --> 00:23:02,574
-How was your flight?
-lt was great.

346
00:23:02,748 --> 00:23:05,717
l ordered a pool float from the Sky Mall.

347
00:23:08,053 --> 00:23:09,918
Why'd l do that?

348
00:23:11,289 --> 00:23:13,154
Why don't you sit down.

349
00:23:13,325 --> 00:23:14,792
Get yourself comfortable.

350
00:23:14,960 --> 00:23:17,622
Because l have a little...

351
00:23:17,796 --> 00:23:20,026
...surprise for you.

352
00:23:21,133 --> 00:23:23,761
Well, well, well.
lt must be 5:00 in Tulsa...

353
00:23:23,935 --> 00:23:27,769
...because it's ''sex o'clock'' in N.Y.C.!

354
00:23:29,508 --> 00:23:33,842
Okay.
This is how much l love you.

355
00:23:34,880 --> 00:23:37,007
<i>The great white....</i>

356
00:23:42,687 --> 00:23:44,279
Honey?

357
00:23:44,489 --> 00:23:47,890
Why am l watching
a bunch of sharks swimming around?

358
00:23:49,060 --> 00:23:51,051
ls this--?
ls this not the good part?

359
00:23:51,530 --> 00:23:55,967
Do you want me to fast-forward
to something...toothier?

360
00:23:56,435 --> 00:24:00,428
No, l'm just not sure that you
got the right movie, that's all.

361
00:24:01,573 --> 00:24:04,133
This is the only one
they had at our video store.

362
00:24:04,342 --> 00:24:07,436
Though they did have something
called <i>Crocodile Killers.</i>

363
00:24:07,612 --> 00:24:10,410
Or does it always have to be sharks?

364
00:24:12,551 --> 00:24:14,576
Does what always have to be sharks?

365
00:24:14,753 --> 00:24:16,948
Look, we can do something else.

366
00:24:17,122 --> 00:24:21,252
Do you want me to
get into the tub and...thrash?

367
00:24:23,061 --> 00:24:26,622
-What's going on?
-lt's okay. lt's okay.

368
00:24:26,798 --> 00:24:28,425
l still love you.

369
00:24:28,600 --> 00:24:32,559
-Let me be a part of this.
-Let me be a part of this!

370
00:24:33,972 --> 00:24:36,167
l saw what you were doing in Tulsa.

371
00:24:36,374 --> 00:24:39,104
Angry sharks turn you on!

372
00:24:40,479 --> 00:24:42,071
No, they don't.

373
00:24:42,647 --> 00:24:46,879
Then why were you watching them
and giving yourself a treat?

374
00:24:47,452 --> 00:24:50,751
Oh, my God! When you came in,
l switched the channel.

375
00:24:50,922 --> 00:24:53,516
l was just watching regular porn.

376
00:24:54,693 --> 00:24:55,819
Really?

377
00:24:55,994 --> 00:25:00,294
Yes. Just some good, old-fashioned,
American, girl-on-girl action.

378
00:25:02,300 --> 00:25:05,497
Can l tell you how happy
that makes me?

379
00:25:07,005 --> 00:25:09,974
You are an amazing wife.

380
00:25:10,141 --> 00:25:13,508
Really, you are amazing. You were
actually gonna do this for me?

381
00:25:13,678 --> 00:25:17,978
Where do you find the strength
and the understanding for that?

382
00:25:19,217 --> 00:25:22,015
l'm very, very drunk right now.

383
00:25:28,860 --> 00:25:32,159
Ordinarily, l would talk to her,
but my confidence is shaken.

384
00:25:32,330 --> 00:25:34,855
Did l sleep with her?
Did l not sleep with her?

385
00:25:35,834 --> 00:25:40,498
Maybe this is a wake-up call. You know,
about your whole dating attitude.

386
00:25:40,672 --> 00:25:45,666
You're in your 30s and you have
never been in a long-term relationship.

387
00:25:46,044 --> 00:25:47,944
Here you go from woman to woman...

388
00:25:48,113 --> 00:25:50,513
...meaningless experience
to meaningless experience.

389
00:25:50,682 --> 00:25:54,311
Never even worrying that it doesn't
turn into something more serious.

390
00:25:54,486 --> 00:25:57,614
You're right. l love my life!

391
00:26:01,693 --> 00:26:04,161
l actually did sleep with her.

392
00:26:10,101 --> 00:26:12,092
[ENGLlSH]