1 00:00:02,135 --> 00:00:03,500 -Okay, Chandler. -Okay. 2 00:00:03,703 --> 00:00:05,500 And your horoscope says: 3 00:00:05,705 --> 00:00:09,163 "On the 5th, a special someone will give you a gift." 4 00:00:09,376 --> 00:00:11,310 Well, thank you in advance. 5 00:00:12,012 --> 00:00:14,708 "But the 12th brings a lover's spat." 6 00:00:14,914 --> 00:00:17,439 You're going to make fun of my present. 7 00:00:18,418 --> 00:00:20,079 Why would you do that? 8 00:00:20,954 --> 00:00:25,653 Wait. "On the 19th, a secret crush announces itself." 9 00:00:31,498 --> 00:00:32,624 -Hey, guys. -Hey. 10 00:00:32,832 --> 00:00:36,131 It's Joey Tribbiani of Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E. 11 00:00:38,338 --> 00:00:40,033 That's right. It's your first day. 12 00:00:40,240 --> 00:00:43,471 Are you psyched to fight crime with your robot sidekick? 13 00:00:43,676 --> 00:00:46,304 Am I? The lead in my own TV series? 14 00:00:46,513 --> 00:00:49,107 I've dreamed about this for years! 15 00:00:49,282 --> 00:00:51,341 Why have I not been preparing? 16 00:00:52,685 --> 00:00:54,516 You're gonna be great. 17 00:00:54,821 --> 00:00:58,621 But I gotta act with a robot. I know nothing about technology. 18 00:00:58,825 --> 00:01:01,692 I can't even use Chandler's computer, except to find porn. 19 00:01:03,163 --> 00:01:06,860 And that's only because it's there when you turn it on. 20 00:01:08,034 --> 00:01:10,935 Our spat will start early this month. 21 00:01:11,137 --> 00:01:12,468 I'll be waiting. 22 00:01:14,574 --> 00:01:17,236 The One Where Ross Meets Elizabeth's Dad 23 00:01:54,214 --> 00:01:58,674 Are you judging them by their covers? You're really not supposed to. 24 00:01:59,519 --> 00:02:03,114 I'm deciding which one to use. I'm going to write another book. 25 00:02:04,591 --> 00:02:07,253 Because the last one was such a big seller? 26 00:02:07,894 --> 00:02:10,727 If you must know, I have written 14 books. 27 00:02:11,364 --> 00:02:13,730 And as I'm the only one who has read them... 28 00:02:13,933 --> 00:02:17,391 I can tell you that they have been well received. 29 00:02:19,672 --> 00:02:21,503 But I lost all of them in the fire. 30 00:02:21,674 --> 00:02:26,373 So this one I'm gonna keep in an asbestos-lined box far away from Rachel. 31 00:02:28,381 --> 00:02:29,780 Who I forgive. 32 00:02:33,052 --> 00:02:34,417 What are you doing later? 33 00:02:34,621 --> 00:02:36,885 Rachel and I have to get our hair cut. 34 00:02:37,657 --> 00:02:39,249 -We do? -I wanna see what he wants. 35 00:02:41,561 --> 00:02:44,121 Elizabeth's dad wants to meet me. 36 00:02:44,430 --> 00:02:46,421 Wait a minute. Hold the phone. 37 00:02:46,599 --> 00:02:48,726 You're not Elizabeth's dad? 38 00:02:52,472 --> 00:02:54,667 That's the only one you get. 39 00:02:55,475 --> 00:02:56,567 And he hates me. 40 00:02:56,743 --> 00:02:59,610 He asked Elizabeth why she'd want to go out with a guy... 41 00:02:59,779 --> 00:03:01,770 who couldn't get a girl his own age. 42 00:03:02,749 --> 00:03:05,274 And what did she say to that? 43 00:03:06,286 --> 00:03:08,550 And that's yours. 44 00:03:09,322 --> 00:03:11,586 Come on. I really want this guy to like me. 45 00:03:11,791 --> 00:03:15,818 It would really help if you guys could make me look good. 46 00:03:16,029 --> 00:03:18,054 -Of course we'll help. -Thanks. 47 00:03:18,631 --> 00:03:22,795 We know how tough those parent-teacher conferences can be. 48 00:03:26,839 --> 00:03:30,104 -So here's your office set. -Wow! 49 00:03:32,645 --> 00:03:35,546 Mac Machiavelli, private investigator. 50 00:03:39,152 --> 00:03:40,779 Look at all the books I've read. 51 00:03:42,088 --> 00:03:44,147 Let's get you to wardrobe. 52 00:03:44,724 --> 00:03:46,419 When do I meet the robot? 53 00:03:46,726 --> 00:03:49,354 Right now. He's right here. 54 00:03:49,529 --> 00:03:51,360 Joey Tribbiani, this is.. 55 00:03:51,564 --> 00:03:54,499 Wow! He's so lifelike. 56 00:03:55,868 --> 00:03:56,892 Unbelievable. 57 00:03:57,103 --> 00:04:00,539 This is Wayne, the man who created and operates C.H.E.E.S.E. 58 00:04:00,773 --> 00:04:02,536 How do you do there, buddy? 59 00:04:03,276 --> 00:04:05,767 I'll let you two guys get acquainted. 60 00:04:05,945 --> 00:04:07,276 Sorry about that. 61 00:04:07,480 --> 00:04:11,644 -So where's C.H.E.E.S.E.? -C.H.E.E.S.E. is right here. 62 00:04:17,557 --> 00:04:19,388 Nice to meet you, Mac. 63 00:04:22,895 --> 00:04:26,558 -This is the temporary robot, right? -No. Why? 64 00:04:27,066 --> 00:04:30,297 I thought it was gonna be a really cool robot. 65 00:04:30,503 --> 00:04:33,768 Like the Terminator, or when I first saw you. 66 00:04:34,440 --> 00:04:38,467 I spent two years developing this. It's state of the art. 67 00:04:38,678 --> 00:04:41,647 Sorry. It doesn't look like it can do anything. 68 00:04:42,148 --> 00:04:43,342 It can do this. 69 00:04:55,828 --> 00:04:59,696 This is my father, Paul Stevens. Dad, this is Ross Geller. 70 00:04:59,999 --> 00:05:02,024 It's great to meet you, Paul. 71 00:05:02,635 --> 00:05:05,832 I prefer that Liz's boyfriends address me as Mr. Stevens. 72 00:05:07,840 --> 00:05:09,535 Of course. Mr. Stevens. 73 00:05:10,209 --> 00:05:11,335 So, Ross... 74 00:05:12,879 --> 00:05:14,369 what's your problem? 75 00:05:16,349 --> 00:05:17,475 Excuse me? 76 00:05:17,817 --> 00:05:19,876 Why can't you get a girlfriend your own age? 77 00:05:21,487 --> 00:05:23,284 It's funny... 78 00:05:24,223 --> 00:05:25,554 It's not funny. 79 00:05:26,225 --> 00:05:28,819 I don't like you going out with my daughter, Ross. 80 00:05:29,028 --> 00:05:31,963 Okay, I can see that. 81 00:05:32,298 --> 00:05:36,735 I think if you give me one chance, I can change your mind. 82 00:05:37,537 --> 00:05:39,334 -Okay. -What? 83 00:05:40,206 --> 00:05:42,868 Okay. I'll give you one chance to change my mind. 84 00:05:43,676 --> 00:05:46,270 You've got one minute. 85 00:05:46,679 --> 00:05:50,979 -Daddy. -Fine. Two minutes. Go. 86 00:05:55,888 --> 00:05:58,413 A minute and 50 seconds. 87 00:05:59,092 --> 00:06:02,823 I want you to know, I've never done anything like this before. 88 00:06:03,096 --> 00:06:06,190 I mean, I've been in relationships in general. 89 00:06:06,399 --> 00:06:09,562 But I've never done it with a student. I mean, not... 90 00:06:11,471 --> 00:06:14,167 Not "it." We haven't done "it." 91 00:06:15,842 --> 00:06:17,901 I mean, we've done stuff... 92 00:06:20,079 --> 00:06:24,243 Okay. A joke. Lighten the mood. 93 00:06:24,517 --> 00:06:27,008 Two guys go into a bar. One of them is Irish. 94 00:06:27,220 --> 00:06:31,316 -I'm Irish. -And the Irish guy wins the joke. 95 00:06:33,059 --> 00:06:36,028 Ross! How crazy that we would run into you. 96 00:06:36,462 --> 00:06:38,225 Oh, my God! Thank you. 97 00:06:40,032 --> 00:06:44,298 I'd like you to meet my friends. This is Phoebe, Monica and Chandler. 98 00:06:44,837 --> 00:06:45,895 -Phoebe. -Hello. 99 00:06:46,072 --> 00:06:47,300 -Monica. -Hi. 100 00:06:47,473 --> 00:06:48,997 Chunder. 101 00:06:49,175 --> 00:06:51,166 -Chandler. -Never going to remember that. 102 00:06:53,613 --> 00:06:56,844 You're Elizabeth's dad? I see where she gets her... 103 00:06:58,084 --> 00:06:59,779 rugged handsomeness. 104 00:07:02,321 --> 00:07:03,982 Is there a Mrs. Stevens? 105 00:07:05,691 --> 00:07:07,181 There's a Mr. Bing! 106 00:07:09,495 --> 00:07:13,192 Unfortunately, Lizzie's mom passed away after she was born. 107 00:07:14,033 --> 00:07:16,092 I raised her by myself. 108 00:07:17,036 --> 00:07:18,469 I get that a lot. 109 00:07:20,473 --> 00:07:23,101 Why don't we all take a seat? 110 00:07:23,309 --> 00:07:26,676 I'll get us all some coffees. 111 00:07:26,979 --> 00:07:28,503 Yeah, why don't you... 112 00:07:29,882 --> 00:07:32,282 Talk about whatever you want. 113 00:07:32,485 --> 00:07:35,318 Whatever pops into your head. 114 00:07:37,190 --> 00:07:39,954 It is strange seeing Ross here, this time of day... 115 00:07:40,159 --> 00:07:42,889 because usually he's at the children's hospital. 116 00:07:44,363 --> 00:07:46,126 But not looking for dates. 117 00:07:50,002 --> 00:07:52,527 Monica is Ross's sister. 118 00:07:52,905 --> 00:07:54,463 He's a great brother! 119 00:07:54,674 --> 00:07:56,539 I had a sister. 120 00:07:56,809 --> 00:07:58,276 She passed away. 121 00:07:58,611 --> 00:08:01,045 You don't have to do that every time. 122 00:08:01,414 --> 00:08:05,544 But Ross is a great guy. I was roommates with him in college. 123 00:08:05,751 --> 00:08:07,048 Funny story... 124 00:08:08,554 --> 00:08:11,387 Your roommate in college died, didn't he? 125 00:08:13,326 --> 00:08:15,851 A part of him did, yes. 126 00:08:16,562 --> 00:08:18,257 Here we are, Paul, Elizabeth. 127 00:08:18,464 --> 00:08:21,092 I hope you guys are finding something to talk about. 128 00:08:21,300 --> 00:08:23,234 -Yes. We were just.. -Sorry I'm late. 129 00:08:23,402 --> 00:08:26,599 But I am ready to talk you up. 130 00:08:27,240 --> 00:08:30,038 -When does Liz's father get here? -I'm already here. 131 00:08:30,476 --> 00:08:33,445 Ross is so great! 132 00:08:37,950 --> 00:08:40,316 Hey, Phoebe. How's the book writing going? 133 00:08:40,486 --> 00:08:43,046 Really well. I'm up to page 47. 134 00:08:43,222 --> 00:08:45,281 -Wow! What are you writing? -Page numbers. 135 00:08:46,959 --> 00:08:48,950 Honey, you got the kind with the little girl. 136 00:08:49,495 --> 00:08:51,292 You said you'd buy the kind with the baby. 137 00:08:51,497 --> 00:08:54,557 -You said the baby creeps you out. -The little girl does. 138 00:08:54,967 --> 00:08:57,299 -You said the baby. -Why would a baby creep me out? 139 00:08:57,503 --> 00:09:00,233 Why would the little girl creep you out? 140 00:09:00,406 --> 00:09:02,806 Can you please talk a little slower? 141 00:09:03,009 --> 00:09:05,341 -This is for your book? -It's about relationships. 142 00:09:05,545 --> 00:09:08,070 The traps, the pitfalls, what not to do. 143 00:09:08,281 --> 00:09:10,442 Keep going. This stuff's great. 144 00:09:11,150 --> 00:09:12,811 Excuse me. 145 00:09:12,985 --> 00:09:17,422 And how none of it matters when the people really love each other. 146 00:09:18,558 --> 00:09:22,995 And how people will believe anything as long as it's a compliment. 147 00:09:29,435 --> 00:09:31,062 -Oh, hi! -Hi. 148 00:09:32,138 --> 00:09:36,131 -I left my keys here somewhere. -Well, let's look for them. 149 00:09:37,276 --> 00:09:39,141 Hey, look! Are these them? 150 00:09:41,414 --> 00:09:43,245 No. 151 00:09:43,916 --> 00:09:45,213 All right. 152 00:09:47,353 --> 00:09:48,877 -Here they are. -Good. 153 00:09:49,088 --> 00:09:50,919 -Thanks for your help. -Wait! Sorry! 154 00:09:51,123 --> 00:09:53,023 -Mr. Paul? -Just call me Paul. 155 00:09:53,225 --> 00:09:56,194 Paul. I just wanted you to know that... 156 00:09:56,395 --> 00:09:58,590 Ross really is a great guy. 157 00:09:58,931 --> 00:10:02,992 Maybe you could date him. It'd save me the trouble of killing him. 158 00:10:07,473 --> 00:10:08,462 Are you okay? 159 00:10:08,874 --> 00:10:11,672 You don't look old enough to have a 20-year-old daughter. 160 00:10:11,877 --> 00:10:14,277 Well, we were very young when we had her. 161 00:10:14,480 --> 00:10:17,938 -We? -It usually takes two people to... 162 00:10:18,651 --> 00:10:21,017 Oh, no! Yes! Of course. I know that! 163 00:10:21,220 --> 00:10:26,021 What I meant was are you still "we" or are you just you? 164 00:10:26,292 --> 00:10:27,486 I'm just me. 165 00:10:28,294 --> 00:10:30,956 My wife died shortly after Lizzie was born. 166 00:10:32,331 --> 00:10:34,526 So you raised her all on your own? 167 00:10:34,800 --> 00:10:36,028 Yes, I did. 168 00:10:42,308 --> 00:10:45,334 -What are you writing there? -I'm drawing a picture of you. 169 00:10:46,178 --> 00:10:47,702 Well, that's very flattering. 170 00:10:47,880 --> 00:10:51,475 But it'd be great if you could draw me with some clothes and a head. 171 00:10:55,321 --> 00:10:56,515 How was your first day? 172 00:10:56,722 --> 00:10:59,247 Pretty good. Except I got attitude from the robot. 173 00:10:59,625 --> 00:11:03,186 Damn those robots. They're supposed to be our faithful servants! 174 00:11:04,363 --> 00:11:06,763 It was the guy who controls the robot. 175 00:11:06,966 --> 00:11:10,424 He hates me. He had C.H.E.E.S.E. knock over the sandwich table... 176 00:11:10,636 --> 00:11:12,729 right when I was reaching for one. 177 00:11:12,938 --> 00:11:14,599 Why don't you get him fired? 178 00:11:14,807 --> 00:11:18,334 I may have to. I hate to do it. But I'm the star, you know? 179 00:11:18,711 --> 00:11:23,307 There's a limit to how many sandwiches I can eat off the floor. 180 00:11:23,816 --> 00:11:25,408 Excuse me. 181 00:11:26,385 --> 00:11:27,682 Joey Tribbiani. 182 00:11:28,854 --> 00:11:32,415 Joe! I'm glad I found you! I got an audition for you. 183 00:11:33,492 --> 00:11:35,687 But it's kind of on the q.t. 184 00:11:35,895 --> 00:11:39,592 The actor who has the part doesn't know he might be fired. 185 00:11:40,232 --> 00:11:41,824 It's the lead in a series. 186 00:11:42,034 --> 00:11:43,558 Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E. 187 00:11:45,705 --> 00:11:48,230 I'm the lead in Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E. 188 00:11:52,845 --> 00:11:54,312 Joey? 189 00:11:56,082 --> 00:11:57,174 Hi, Ross. 190 00:12:00,586 --> 00:12:02,850 I was just getting him to like you. 191 00:12:06,926 --> 00:12:08,086 Joey! 192 00:12:11,731 --> 00:12:13,426 Ross, Joey is not here. 193 00:12:13,699 --> 00:12:15,724 I'll just wait for him in here! 194 00:12:16,068 --> 00:12:18,628 Ross, it's okay. You can come out. 195 00:12:19,105 --> 00:12:20,732 Yeah. It's okay. It's me... 196 00:12:21,574 --> 00:12:23,337 Mr. Stevens. 197 00:12:24,510 --> 00:12:28,207 I didn't... Oh, my gosh. I didn't even see you. 198 00:12:28,914 --> 00:12:32,008 You did. You came in, got all awkward and ran to the bedroom. 199 00:12:32,218 --> 00:12:33,913 You were shouting, "Joey!" 200 00:12:36,589 --> 00:12:37,954 -Bye, Rachel. -Bye. 201 00:12:38,157 --> 00:12:39,146 I'll call you later. 202 00:12:39,425 --> 00:12:40,915 -See you. -Bye, Ross. 203 00:12:44,063 --> 00:12:47,590 What? What the..? How did...? What? 204 00:12:48,868 --> 00:12:53,271 You know, he lost his keys. So he was looking for them. 205 00:12:53,472 --> 00:12:54,962 In your mouth? 206 00:12:57,042 --> 00:12:58,475 No! 207 00:12:58,644 --> 00:13:00,703 Downstairs. And we got to talking... 208 00:13:00,913 --> 00:13:04,906 for two hours. I liked him. I invited him for coffee. 209 00:13:05,251 --> 00:13:07,947 You were at the coffeehouse! 210 00:13:09,355 --> 00:13:12,188 What's the big deal? So I kissed the guy. 211 00:13:12,424 --> 00:13:15,951 He is my girlfriend's father. It's weird! 212 00:13:16,796 --> 00:13:19,629 -You dated my sister! -That was different! 213 00:13:20,132 --> 00:13:23,795 -What? Why? -This is weird for me! 214 00:13:25,538 --> 00:13:27,768 Ross, look. This is good for you. 215 00:13:28,340 --> 00:13:31,332 Let's face it. So far the guy's not loving you. 216 00:13:31,510 --> 00:13:35,002 But I can turn that around. I've got the inside track. 217 00:13:35,181 --> 00:13:39,515 We could all go out to dinner. And I could talk you up. 218 00:13:39,885 --> 00:13:43,321 Plus the guy is a very successful lawyer. 219 00:13:43,622 --> 00:13:47,558 -How is that important? -It's important! 220 00:13:49,328 --> 00:13:52,092 There's a million guys who can play Mac... 221 00:13:52,298 --> 00:13:53,560 and there's one robot. 222 00:13:53,766 --> 00:13:57,429 And this one guy who controls it. I didn't know he could get me fired. 223 00:13:57,636 --> 00:14:01,663 -What am I gonna do? -You're a pretty charming guy. 224 00:14:02,474 --> 00:14:04,533 Thanks. But I have a problem to deal with. 225 00:14:04,877 --> 00:14:08,176 No, you've got to win over the guy who controls C.H.E.E.S.E. 226 00:14:08,380 --> 00:14:12,146 Go back there and kiss some serious robot ass! 227 00:14:13,152 --> 00:14:14,744 That's not a bad idea! 228 00:14:15,487 --> 00:14:20,117 If I have to be charming tomorrow, I'm not wasting it on you guys. 229 00:14:20,292 --> 00:14:22,692 I got some saved for you, Phoebe. 230 00:14:26,932 --> 00:14:29,298 Do you think Joey is more charming than me? 231 00:14:29,802 --> 00:14:32,032 Yeah. That's why I'm sleeping with him on the side. 232 00:14:32,404 --> 00:14:34,031 You wish. 233 00:14:37,509 --> 00:14:39,500 "You wish." 234 00:14:39,912 --> 00:14:41,106 Stop writing about us. 235 00:14:41,313 --> 00:14:44,612 I'm not writing about you. I'm writing about other people. 236 00:14:45,985 --> 00:14:48,818 -Who? -Marsha and Chester. 237 00:14:50,022 --> 00:14:53,981 Fine. Then you know what? I will just write about Phyllis. 238 00:14:55,227 --> 00:14:58,594 -"Phyllis is sitting in the chair." -I see what you're doing. 239 00:14:58,998 --> 00:15:01,432 "Phyllis sees what I'm doing." 240 00:15:03,068 --> 00:15:06,970 I have tasted my own medicine and it is bitter! 241 00:15:13,045 --> 00:15:14,239 Morning! 242 00:15:14,813 --> 00:15:17,338 How's my favorite genius and his robot? 243 00:15:17,549 --> 00:15:19,676 -Don't touch him! -Okay. 244 00:15:21,654 --> 00:15:25,886 Level with me. I keep hearing rumors that I might get fired. 245 00:15:26,191 --> 00:15:29,217 They even have actors reading for my part. 246 00:15:29,662 --> 00:15:32,153 Come on. You gotta give me a second chance. 247 00:15:32,364 --> 00:15:34,025 I love this little guy. 248 00:15:36,402 --> 00:15:39,030 That's why you didn't want me to touch him, right? 249 00:15:42,441 --> 00:15:45,001 I can't believe it. God! 250 00:15:46,345 --> 00:15:48,870 Hey, how are you doing? 251 00:15:53,719 --> 00:15:57,086 So it seemed that my prom date had stood me up. 252 00:15:57,456 --> 00:16:01,950 So Ross selflessly offered to take me. 253 00:16:02,127 --> 00:16:04,322 What a nice story. 254 00:16:04,530 --> 00:16:06,157 So Ross was in college... 255 00:16:06,332 --> 00:16:10,996 and decided to jump at the chance to take a young girl to her prom. 256 00:16:12,738 --> 00:16:16,333 I definitely did not see that one backfiring. 257 00:16:16,809 --> 00:16:20,267 -I'm going to the bathroom. -Take your time. 258 00:16:22,481 --> 00:16:26,781 I was a freshman and she was a senior. So it wasn't as bad as.. 259 00:16:27,152 --> 00:16:29,985 Look. I know I've been giving you a lot of jabs. 260 00:16:31,123 --> 00:16:34,388 It's partly because I'm very protective of Lizzie... 261 00:16:34,994 --> 00:16:40,057 and partly because they just keep coming to me. 262 00:16:41,233 --> 00:16:45,169 I admit after all the wonderful things Lizzie told me... 263 00:16:45,371 --> 00:16:50,604 and the many, many, many stories that Rachel has told me... 264 00:16:51,477 --> 00:16:52,637 well... 265 00:16:54,113 --> 00:16:55,774 you're not... 266 00:16:56,615 --> 00:16:58,742 all bad. 267 00:17:00,285 --> 00:17:01,479 "Not all bad." 268 00:17:02,454 --> 00:17:05,685 I'm sorry I was so harsh. But you have to understand. 269 00:17:06,358 --> 00:17:09,816 I still look at Lizzie like she's a 12-year-old girl. 270 00:17:10,329 --> 00:17:14,026 I know what you mean. I do that too. 271 00:17:15,501 --> 00:17:20,165 -I beg your pardon? -I don't see her as a 12-year-old. 272 00:17:20,906 --> 00:17:24,899 I mean, I have a son who is 6 and I still think of him as a baby. 273 00:17:25,110 --> 00:17:29,877 -A son? -My ex-wife and I share custody of Ben. 274 00:17:30,549 --> 00:17:33,382 Incidentally, Carol and I are on excellent terms... 275 00:17:33,585 --> 00:17:35,780 as I'm sure you are with your wife. 276 00:17:36,055 --> 00:17:38,080 I'm sorry. 277 00:17:38,557 --> 00:17:40,024 It's unbelievable! 278 00:17:40,859 --> 00:17:43,555 Don't worry. I didn't realize you were married. 279 00:17:44,096 --> 00:17:47,463 We were. But that was just a... 280 00:17:50,169 --> 00:17:53,661 That was just a big drunken mistake. 281 00:17:56,308 --> 00:17:57,536 You're back. 282 00:17:59,845 --> 00:18:01,403 You two were married? 283 00:18:02,347 --> 00:18:05,908 I'm sorry. You were talking about Emily. 284 00:18:08,187 --> 00:18:11,418 We said we would meet at the coffeehouse at 6:00. 285 00:18:11,590 --> 00:18:12,648 We said 7:00. 286 00:18:13,025 --> 00:18:14,390 We said 6:00! 287 00:18:14,660 --> 00:18:16,457 The only way that I said 6:00... 288 00:18:16,662 --> 00:18:21,429 would be if I said the sentence, "Let's meet at 7:00, not at 6:00." 289 00:18:22,167 --> 00:18:24,863 If I had said 7:00, I would have said: 290 00:18:25,070 --> 00:18:28,699 "My boyfriend is such a wiseass. 7:00!" 291 00:18:29,842 --> 00:18:31,901 -Hi! -Oh, my good God! 292 00:18:32,678 --> 00:18:34,771 -I know what time you said. -What? 293 00:18:35,214 --> 00:18:38,615 Well, I know what time Chester and Marsha said. 294 00:18:39,585 --> 00:18:41,576 What time? 295 00:18:41,753 --> 00:18:42,811 Interesting turn of events. 296 00:18:43,021 --> 00:18:46,457 Suddenly it's my book to the rescue. Let's see. 297 00:18:47,693 --> 00:18:49,058 Very interesting. 298 00:18:49,595 --> 00:18:52,223 Well this certainly clears things up. 299 00:18:52,965 --> 00:18:54,057 What does it say? 300 00:18:54,500 --> 00:18:58,527 I will tell you as soon as you thank me for writing my book. 301 00:18:59,071 --> 00:19:02,529 Thank you for writing your book. It's a great book... 302 00:19:02,708 --> 00:19:05,370 and you are the queen of everything. 303 00:19:07,446 --> 00:19:09,676 Thanks. So are you. 304 00:19:14,820 --> 00:19:17,983 I told you I should not wear this color. 305 00:19:20,726 --> 00:19:26,255 "Monica.. Marsha and Chester are planning on seeing a movie Sunday. 306 00:19:27,065 --> 00:19:31,434 "Marsha thinks they're meeting at 6:00. Chester thinks it's 7:00." 307 00:19:32,171 --> 00:19:35,197 -You knew we were gonna miss the movie? -Right. 308 00:19:35,641 --> 00:19:40,101 Instead of telling us, you decided to write it in your stupid book? 309 00:19:40,279 --> 00:19:42,804 "Marsha and Chester are mad at Phyllis." 310 00:19:48,587 --> 00:19:50,680 I can't believe I'm gonna lose this job. 311 00:19:50,989 --> 00:19:53,457 I'm so sorry, man. Is there anything I can do? 312 00:19:53,992 --> 00:19:58,122 Help me get this mini-fridge past the security guard. 313 00:20:02,935 --> 00:20:05,028 Joey, I want to talk to you. 314 00:20:05,804 --> 00:20:07,704 I don't want to talk to you. 315 00:20:07,873 --> 00:20:10,501 I hate you. You ruined my life. 316 00:20:10,676 --> 00:20:13,702 -Chandler, Wayne. Wayne, Chandler. -Hi. 317 00:20:13,879 --> 00:20:16,939 I'll get you your job back if you help me out. 318 00:20:17,449 --> 00:20:19,246 Why should I help you out? 319 00:20:19,418 --> 00:20:23,548 -The reason he just said. -What do you need? 320 00:20:24,556 --> 00:20:28,083 I saw you on stage talking to that beautiful woman. 321 00:20:28,293 --> 00:20:31,660 You know, Sarah. I wish I could talk to her. 322 00:20:32,030 --> 00:20:34,055 -Are you in love with her? -Yeah. 323 00:20:34,566 --> 00:20:37,160 Her. All of them. Anyone. 324 00:20:37,636 --> 00:20:40,332 Yeah. I've been there, my friend. 325 00:20:40,572 --> 00:20:43,200 Listen, I guarantee you keep your job... 326 00:20:43,375 --> 00:20:46,503 if you can teach me to talk to women like you do. 327 00:20:48,046 --> 00:20:51,641 You can't teach it. It's something you're born with. 328 00:20:51,850 --> 00:20:55,081 You can teach it. I can show you right now. 329 00:20:55,254 --> 00:20:57,449 -Really? -Sure. Yeah. I taught him. 330 00:20:57,623 --> 00:21:01,320 Yeah. You should see the woman I'm with, way out of my league. 331 00:21:01,493 --> 00:21:03,825 In fact, if you want, I can get you her. 332 00:21:07,699 --> 00:21:09,690 Well, if you think about it... 333 00:21:09,868 --> 00:21:12,928 Ross did learn something from each marriage. 334 00:21:13,105 --> 00:21:15,437 How to make the next one even shorter? 335 00:21:15,641 --> 00:21:17,302 Wait a minute. That's not fair. 336 00:21:17,509 --> 00:21:20,603 He was married to me a hell of a lot longer than he was to Emily. 337 00:21:20,812 --> 00:21:23,679 He just didn't tell me. 338 00:21:26,852 --> 00:21:28,649 Maybe I have to pee again. 339 00:21:33,692 --> 00:21:35,125 Well, this is fun. 340 00:21:36,295 --> 00:21:39,492 So, Ross, did you kill any of these wives? 341 00:21:41,900 --> 00:21:46,428 I have had enough of this! I care a great deal about your daughter. 342 00:21:46,638 --> 00:21:49,038 And I have treated her with respect! 343 00:21:49,241 --> 00:21:51,471 So if you've got a problem with me.. 344 00:21:51,777 --> 00:21:54,575 -Are you yelling at me? -God, no. 345 00:21:56,214 --> 00:21:59,547 You know what? If you don't like Ross, that's fine. 346 00:22:00,018 --> 00:22:03,181 It doesn't matter. I'm going out with him anyway. 347 00:22:03,889 --> 00:22:05,356 Really? 348 00:22:05,524 --> 00:22:07,924 Well, if it doesn't matter to her... 349 00:22:08,093 --> 00:22:12,052 it doesn't matter to me. Still not yelling. 350 00:22:14,866 --> 00:22:16,163 What can I say? 351 00:22:19,738 --> 00:22:21,467 I still don't like you. 352 00:22:21,673 --> 00:22:25,404 I'm not so crazy about myself right now either. 353 00:22:25,577 --> 00:22:27,772 -Then we agree? -I guess so. 354 00:22:28,180 --> 00:22:31,047 -Neither of us like Ross. -I like Ross. 355 00:22:31,216 --> 00:22:33,548 Kids! 356 00:22:34,920 --> 00:22:38,185 I just thought of a story about how nice Ross is. 357 00:22:38,623 --> 00:22:40,955 That's okay. We're not liking Ross right now. 358 00:22:41,393 --> 00:22:43,793 Well, I got a lot of those too. 359 00:22:47,866 --> 00:22:49,857 You were right, C.H.E.E.S.E. 360 00:22:50,235 --> 00:22:53,762 -The shipment never made it to Omaha? -You got it. 361 00:22:53,972 --> 00:22:57,237 And the rabbi's beard? 100 percent horsehair. 362 00:22:57,442 --> 00:23:00,707 Nice catch, C.H.E.E.S.E. 363 00:23:04,416 --> 00:23:06,941 It's your line, C.H.E.E.S.E. 364 00:23:09,388 --> 00:23:11,481 Wayne! Wayne!