1 00:00:06,139 --> 00:00:08,801 Remember when I had a monkey? 2 00:00:09,509 --> 00:00:11,238 What was I thinking? 3 00:00:12,979 --> 00:00:17,575 Hey, so, what's with the 20 percent tip? Did I do something wrong? 4 00:00:19,085 --> 00:00:21,019 20 percent is a pretty generous tip. 5 00:00:21,254 --> 00:00:23,381 You know what's more generous? 50 percent! 6 00:00:25,225 --> 00:00:28,752 -You know what's even more generous? -I see where you're going. 7 00:00:29,496 --> 00:00:30,929 What's up with the greed? 8 00:00:31,264 --> 00:00:32,561 I'm sorry. 9 00:00:32,832 --> 00:00:37,326 I have to get new headshots made, and they're really expensive. 10 00:00:37,537 --> 00:00:39,198 I'm down to, like, three. 11 00:00:40,273 --> 00:00:43,504 Actually, two, because one of them I blackened some teeth. 12 00:00:43,743 --> 00:00:45,438 Why'd I do that? 13 00:00:46,346 --> 00:00:49,338 Isn't there something you can do to earn extra money? 14 00:00:49,582 --> 00:00:52,449 Can't you pick up an extra shift here? 15 00:00:52,752 --> 00:00:55,846 Or, you know, I used to beg for money. 16 00:00:57,690 --> 00:01:00,921 It helps if you've got a little of this going on. 17 00:01:01,561 --> 00:01:03,392 Wow! I still have it. 18 00:01:04,397 --> 00:01:07,798 Don't you have an audition today? Maybe you'll get that job. 19 00:01:11,204 --> 00:01:12,364 Wait a minute. 20 00:01:12,572 --> 00:01:15,473 I used to get medical experiments done on me. 21 00:01:16,609 --> 00:01:18,600 Finally, an explanation. 22 00:01:19,646 --> 00:01:22,809 I used to get paid for all kinds of medical stuff. 23 00:01:23,049 --> 00:01:27,281 Let's see... Well, I don't want to donate sperm again. 24 00:01:27,554 --> 00:01:30,114 I really prefer doing that at the home office. 25 00:01:30,657 --> 00:01:34,616 Maybe they want some of my blood or spit or something, huh? 26 00:01:35,095 --> 00:01:36,187 -Joey? -Yeah. 27 00:01:36,396 --> 00:01:39,832 What did I tell you about talking while working? 28 00:01:40,066 --> 00:01:41,124 Do it? 29 00:01:42,302 --> 00:01:47,399 That guy's been waiting 10 minutes. He's complained about you three times. 30 00:01:49,909 --> 00:01:51,137 Now, where was l? 31 00:01:53,680 --> 00:01:55,739 The One With Unagi 32 00:02:31,484 --> 00:02:32,746 What are you up to? 33 00:02:32,986 --> 00:02:36,080 We went to a self-defense class today. 34 00:02:36,322 --> 00:02:39,985 Kicking a guy in the crotch all morning really takes it out of you. 35 00:02:40,493 --> 00:02:42,290 Takes it out of you? 36 00:02:43,997 --> 00:02:46,295 Now we can kick anybody's ass. 37 00:02:46,533 --> 00:02:48,763 After one class? I don't think so. 38 00:02:49,335 --> 00:02:51,599 You want to see me self-defend myself? 39 00:02:51,838 --> 00:02:53,806 Pretend you're a predator. 40 00:02:54,040 --> 00:02:55,200 Go on, I dare you! 41 00:02:56,776 --> 00:03:00,644 Of course you can defend yourself from an attack you know is coming. 42 00:03:00,847 --> 00:03:02,678 That's not enough. 43 00:03:02,882 --> 00:03:06,113 Look, I studied karate for a long time. 44 00:03:07,620 --> 00:03:10,487 And there's a concept you should be familiar with. 45 00:03:10,723 --> 00:03:14,955 It's what the Japanese call unagi. 46 00:03:16,863 --> 00:03:18,694 Isn't that a kind of sushi? 47 00:03:19,799 --> 00:03:20,891 No, it's a concept. 48 00:03:21,167 --> 00:03:24,000 Yeah, it is. It's freshwater eel. 49 00:03:24,671 --> 00:03:26,070 Maybe it means that too. 50 00:03:26,306 --> 00:03:29,400 I would kill for a salmon-skin roll right now. 51 00:03:30,643 --> 00:03:32,770 Fine, get attacked. I don't even care. 52 00:03:34,013 --> 00:03:37,813 Come on, Ross, we're sorry. Please tell us what it is. 53 00:03:40,086 --> 00:03:44,819 Unagi is a state of total awareness. 54 00:03:45,258 --> 00:03:47,818 Only by achieving true unagi... 55 00:03:48,094 --> 00:03:52,326 can you be prepared for any danger that may befall you. 56 00:03:53,199 --> 00:03:56,032 In case someone's trying to steal your bamboo sleeping mat... 57 00:03:56,269 --> 00:03:58,134 or your kettle of fish? 58 00:04:02,008 --> 00:04:06,502 It's one thing being prepared for an attack against each other. 59 00:04:06,779 --> 00:04:11,512 Whole other story being prepared for an attack. I don't know.. Surprise! 60 00:04:19,359 --> 00:04:20,849 You knew that was coming... 61 00:04:21,127 --> 00:04:25,063 but that doesn't mean you have unagi. 62 00:04:27,967 --> 00:04:32,370 If we made reservations, we could have unagi in a half-hour. 63 00:04:35,074 --> 00:04:37,133 -Is Monica here? -No. 64 00:04:37,343 --> 00:04:40,801 I need help. I don't know what to get for Valentine's Day. 65 00:04:41,047 --> 00:04:45,814 Valentine's Day was two weeks ago, so I wouldn't get her a calendar. 66 00:04:46,919 --> 00:04:50,082 She was working, so we're celebrating tonight. 67 00:04:50,323 --> 00:04:54,419 Why don't you book a day for both of you at those romantic spas? 68 00:04:54,661 --> 00:04:56,993 That's actually a good idea. 69 00:04:57,263 --> 00:05:00,061 And, of course, crotchless panties. 70 00:05:02,935 --> 00:05:05,563 As appealing as that sounds to her boyfriend... 71 00:05:06,039 --> 00:05:07,836 and her brother... 72 00:05:11,210 --> 00:05:14,077 We promised to make each other gifts this year. 73 00:05:14,280 --> 00:05:15,611 -I love that. -You guys! 74 00:05:16,015 --> 00:05:18,176 You can't make crotchless panties? 75 00:05:19,952 --> 00:05:21,613 You take scissors and cut.. 76 00:05:21,854 --> 00:05:22,878 Okay, okay, okay. 77 00:05:24,190 --> 00:05:26,181 Making things sounds so much fun. 78 00:05:26,526 --> 00:05:29,620 I thought so too, until I papier-mached one of my eyes shut. 79 00:05:30,229 --> 00:05:32,527 I love papier-mache! What did you make? 80 00:05:32,799 --> 00:05:34,630 I made a flar-lar-lar. 81 00:05:36,436 --> 00:05:37,767 -What is that? -Nothing! 82 00:05:40,139 --> 00:05:41,401 So, what are you gonna do? 83 00:05:41,607 --> 00:05:44,371 Have you made anything I can take credit for? 84 00:05:44,610 --> 00:05:48,102 I have, I have! I started making little sock bunnies! 85 00:05:48,314 --> 00:05:50,248 Oh, for crying out loud! 86 00:05:52,318 --> 00:05:54,616 Wait a minute. That is my sock! 87 00:05:56,723 --> 00:05:58,953 Now it's your little bunny friend. 88 00:06:08,735 --> 00:06:09,963 Okay... 89 00:06:15,308 --> 00:06:17,242 This actually is a flar-lar-lar. 90 00:06:21,247 --> 00:06:23,875 Can I ask about the Valentine's Day gifts? 91 00:06:24,083 --> 00:06:26,608 -Yeah. -Do we have to make the entire thing? 92 00:06:27,253 --> 00:06:29,448 Yes. Did you forget to make yours? 93 00:06:30,923 --> 00:06:32,413 Of course not. 94 00:06:33,626 --> 00:06:37,585 I just have to go to the place where I made it and pick it up. 95 00:06:38,598 --> 00:06:42,034 I can't wait. It'll be the best Valentine's Day ever! 96 00:06:44,103 --> 00:06:47,368 I can't believe it! Make the presents! 97 00:06:48,541 --> 00:06:51,977 -What? -Just so excited to make the presents! 98 00:07:00,353 --> 00:07:02,514 Hi, I'm Joey Tribbiani. 99 00:07:02,822 --> 00:07:05,620 With all due respect, I'd like to donate some fluids. 100 00:07:07,560 --> 00:07:12,020 We're at the end of a research cycle and not looking for applicants now. 101 00:07:12,231 --> 00:07:14,893 That's too bad. I've been saving up. 102 00:07:18,971 --> 00:07:21,872 You sure there's no studies I can participate in? 103 00:07:22,508 --> 00:07:25,238 -Here's a schedule. -Thanks. 104 00:07:26,412 --> 00:07:27,709 This one starts now. 105 00:07:28,080 --> 00:07:32,073 Only identical twins are eligible. It's a twin study. 106 00:07:32,418 --> 00:07:33,885 But it's $2000! 107 00:07:34,687 --> 00:07:36,154 Sorry. 108 00:07:38,391 --> 00:07:39,415 And this? 109 00:07:39,892 --> 00:07:44,852 "Testing the Effects of Joey Tribbiani on Attractive Nurse Receptionist." 110 00:07:46,332 --> 00:07:49,733 Results are back on that one. They're not good. 111 00:07:54,173 --> 00:07:56,004 -That was good. -Yeah. 112 00:07:56,209 --> 00:07:58,609 Danger! Danger! 113 00:08:02,882 --> 00:08:05,043 What the hell was that? 114 00:08:05,384 --> 00:08:08,717 A lesson in the importance of unagi. 115 00:08:12,058 --> 00:08:13,582 You're a freak! 116 00:08:14,727 --> 00:08:15,853 Perhaps. 117 00:08:17,630 --> 00:08:18,654 Now I'm curious. 118 00:08:18,831 --> 00:08:23,928 At what point during those girlish screams would you have kicked my ass? 119 00:08:26,439 --> 00:08:29,135 All right, so we weren't prepared! 120 00:08:30,610 --> 00:08:34,376 I'm sorry I had to take such drastic measures to make my point. 121 00:08:34,614 --> 00:08:36,445 I just want you to be safe. 122 00:08:38,217 --> 00:08:39,479 Danger! 123 00:08:44,123 --> 00:08:45,488 Ah-ha! 124 00:08:45,825 --> 00:08:47,383 Unagi! 125 00:08:54,166 --> 00:08:56,396 2000 bucks is a lot of money. 126 00:08:56,836 --> 00:08:58,269 I wish I had a twin. 127 00:08:59,405 --> 00:09:01,839 Where could I find someone... 128 00:09:02,108 --> 00:09:04,804 who looks exactly like me? 129 00:09:26,632 --> 00:09:28,190 Chandler. 130 00:09:29,835 --> 00:09:32,201 I sensed it was you. 131 00:09:34,106 --> 00:09:35,437 What? 132 00:09:36,375 --> 00:09:37,672 Unagi. 133 00:09:38,711 --> 00:09:40,269 I'm always aware. 134 00:09:40,479 --> 00:09:43,471 Are you aware that unagi is an eel? 135 00:09:45,384 --> 00:09:48,114 -What's up? -I can't figure out what to make Monica. 136 00:09:48,321 --> 00:09:50,687 Why don't you make her one of your little jokes? 137 00:09:50,957 --> 00:09:54,859 I'm going crazy. Do you have anything homemade? 138 00:09:55,861 --> 00:09:58,227 You know what? She'd love this. 139 00:09:58,464 --> 00:10:01,956 It's a replica of Apollo 8. I made it in the sixth grade. 140 00:10:03,502 --> 00:10:07,461 I could use that. I could say, "Your love sends me to the moon." 141 00:10:07,673 --> 00:10:10,574 Except Apollo 8 didn't actually land on the moon. 142 00:10:10,810 --> 00:10:15,873 You can say, "Your love lets me orbit the moon twice and return safely." 143 00:10:18,084 --> 00:10:19,642 I can't give this to her. 144 00:10:19,852 --> 00:10:22,844 -Why not? -It says "Captain Ross" on the side. 145 00:10:24,724 --> 00:10:27,716 And it says "I hate Monica" on the bottom. 146 00:10:31,831 --> 00:10:33,162 Danger! 147 00:10:41,507 --> 00:10:43,668 Salmon-skin roll. 148 00:11:04,597 --> 00:11:06,360 Yes, honey, I made it myself. 149 00:11:20,546 --> 00:11:22,571 I can't do it. I can't do it. 150 00:11:26,752 --> 00:11:29,448 A mixed tape! A mixed tape! 151 00:11:31,123 --> 00:11:33,717 Hi! Ready to exchange gifts? 152 00:11:33,959 --> 00:11:36,951 -Sure. You go first. -Okay, come here. 153 00:11:37,163 --> 00:11:40,997 Okay, it's not wrapped because I just finished it. 154 00:11:41,801 --> 00:11:45,567 But I made you a tape of what I think are all romantic songs. 155 00:11:46,405 --> 00:11:48,930 What a great gift! 156 00:11:51,577 --> 00:11:54,011 Is "The Way You Look Tonight" on it? 157 00:11:56,682 --> 00:11:58,673 We'll have to listen and see. 158 00:11:59,585 --> 00:12:02,349 Oh, I love it! Thank you so much. 159 00:12:04,423 --> 00:12:05,981 You ready to open yours? 160 00:12:18,604 --> 00:12:19,866 It's a sock bunny. 161 00:12:20,806 --> 00:12:22,774 Remember how I call you bunny? 162 00:12:23,709 --> 00:12:25,108 Not really. 163 00:12:26,612 --> 00:12:29,775 I did one time. And I want to start doing it more. 164 00:12:30,783 --> 00:12:33,115 -That's what this is about. -I see. 165 00:12:33,819 --> 00:12:35,684 Phoebe makes sock bunnies. 166 00:12:35,888 --> 00:12:39,517 No, she doesn't. What she makes, they're sock rabbits. 167 00:12:39,725 --> 00:12:42,319 They're completely different. Okay, okay. 168 00:12:42,695 --> 00:12:44,356 I didn't make it! 169 00:12:44,563 --> 00:12:48,363 I forgot about tonight and that we're supposed to make the presents. 170 00:12:48,734 --> 00:12:49,860 It's okay. 171 00:12:50,302 --> 00:12:51,394 No, it's not okay. 172 00:12:51,704 --> 00:12:53,296 You're so incredible. 173 00:12:53,572 --> 00:12:57,406 You went through all this time and effort to make this tape. 174 00:12:59,578 --> 00:13:01,478 I'll make this up to you. I will. 175 00:13:01,714 --> 00:13:06,242 I am going to cook you anything you want in here. 176 00:13:06,485 --> 00:13:10,751 And I'm going to do anything you want in there. 177 00:13:12,825 --> 00:13:15,988 Well, I did put a lot of thought into the tape. 178 00:13:28,307 --> 00:13:31,003 You are way too young to have seen that. 179 00:13:32,444 --> 00:13:34,639 Your birthday's in a month and a half. 180 00:13:34,980 --> 00:13:38,416 What if I forget to get you a present for that too? 181 00:13:38,684 --> 00:13:42,450 You are totally and completely 100 percent forgiven. 182 00:13:43,823 --> 00:13:45,188 We've got to wash that. 183 00:13:50,029 --> 00:13:53,328 Remember that jacket you loved that was too expensive? 184 00:13:53,599 --> 00:13:55,590 You have done enough. 185 00:13:56,468 --> 00:13:58,299 I'll wake up early and get it. 186 00:13:58,504 --> 00:14:00,665 No, you don't.. Get it in black, not brown. 187 00:14:03,509 --> 00:14:05,033 Your cake is ready. 188 00:14:09,014 --> 00:14:12,950 It's like that old saying, "Have sex, eat some cake." 189 00:14:15,888 --> 00:14:18,686 Hey, Mon. Hey, Chan. Just getting a soda. 190 00:14:23,896 --> 00:14:25,454 Who the hell are you? 191 00:14:26,465 --> 00:14:27,727 I'm Joey. 192 00:14:28,734 --> 00:14:30,793 How are you doing? 193 00:14:32,805 --> 00:14:35,035 No! No! No! No! No! 194 00:14:35,507 --> 00:14:37,031 How you doing? 195 00:14:38,711 --> 00:14:42,340 How you doing? Damn it, Carl! Go wait in the hall. 196 00:14:47,820 --> 00:14:50,220 I've got to apologize on behalf of Carl. 197 00:14:50,422 --> 00:14:52,515 Who the hell is Carl? 198 00:14:53,259 --> 00:14:54,521 Did I not mention? 199 00:14:55,761 --> 00:15:00,892 Carl is a guy I hired to be my twin for a medical research project. 200 00:15:04,403 --> 00:15:07,839 Sometimes the good ideas are right in front of you. 201 00:15:08,774 --> 00:15:13,177 It sounds crazy, but it might work. The only problem is Carl's acting... 202 00:15:13,412 --> 00:15:15,243 The only problem? 203 00:15:16,415 --> 00:15:20,249 He's the reason I didn't get that big commercial a couple of years ago. 204 00:15:20,452 --> 00:15:22,716 We were supposed to be brothers, but he messed up. 205 00:15:24,056 --> 00:15:26,081 Can I get a piece of that cake? 206 00:15:26,558 --> 00:15:29,254 Pizza! We like pizza! Get out! 207 00:15:37,202 --> 00:15:39,432 -Pat Sajak? -Yep. 208 00:15:39,705 --> 00:15:41,639 -Alex Trebek? -Of course. 209 00:15:41,874 --> 00:15:44,240 -Chuck Woolery? -Definitely. 210 00:15:44,443 --> 00:15:49,471 You will not find a single game-show host whose ass I cannot kick. 211 00:15:58,991 --> 00:16:01,289 -Say it! -Say we are unagi! 212 00:16:02,828 --> 00:16:05,956 It's not something you are, it's something you have. 213 00:16:06,966 --> 00:16:07,990 Say it! 214 00:16:08,233 --> 00:16:09,928 I could easily get out of this... 215 00:16:10,169 --> 00:16:14,071 but there's a chance you could get very, very hurt! 216 00:16:26,618 --> 00:16:30,987 Carl, we're next. Now remember, what is this not gonna be? 217 00:16:31,256 --> 00:16:34,123 -Another Minute Maid fiasco. -That's right. 218 00:16:34,293 --> 00:16:35,658 And what are you not gonna do? 219 00:16:35,828 --> 00:16:39,491 -I'm not gonna talk because.. -Damn it, Carl! 220 00:16:43,936 --> 00:16:45,767 Can I have the next one, please? 221 00:16:46,038 --> 00:16:47,266 Thank you. 222 00:16:47,706 --> 00:16:49,503 Joey and Tony Tribbiani. 223 00:16:49,942 --> 00:16:51,204 That's us. 224 00:16:51,477 --> 00:16:54,776 But this is a study for identical twins. 225 00:16:54,980 --> 00:16:57,881 That's right. $2000. 226 00:16:59,051 --> 00:17:00,848 But you're not identical twins. 227 00:17:03,622 --> 00:17:05,351 Damn it, Carl! 228 00:17:11,897 --> 00:17:13,888 Oh, my good God. 229 00:17:16,502 --> 00:17:19,903 Continuing the countdown of your favorite meals. 230 00:17:20,239 --> 00:17:23,072 Tonight, number three: 231 00:17:23,575 --> 00:17:26,840 Macaroni and cheese with cut-up hot dogs. 232 00:17:28,847 --> 00:17:32,146 Look, you have done enough. You have to stop this now. 233 00:17:32,384 --> 00:17:34,375 I will, but not tonight. 234 00:17:34,586 --> 00:17:38,716 For dinner music, I thought we could listen to that tape that you made me. 235 00:17:39,158 --> 00:17:40,716 Oh, the mixed tape. 236 00:17:49,168 --> 00:17:52,103 "The Way You Look Tonight" is on here. 237 00:17:52,371 --> 00:17:53,599 Dance with me. 238 00:18:12,524 --> 00:18:15,357 You are just the sweetest. 239 00:18:17,563 --> 00:18:22,694 I love the way you look every night, Chandler. 240 00:18:27,606 --> 00:18:29,597 That's why I made you this tape. 241 00:18:29,875 --> 00:18:34,107 Happy birthday! Love, Janice! 242 00:18:39,818 --> 00:18:41,479 No, you're the sweetest. 243 00:18:47,926 --> 00:18:50,588 Okay, ladies, that ends today's class. 244 00:18:50,796 --> 00:18:52,388 Remember, be safe out there. 245 00:18:59,304 --> 00:19:01,135 -Great class. -Thanks. 246 00:19:01,406 --> 00:19:03,271 I was watching. 247 00:19:06,411 --> 00:19:09,437 A couple of questions: 248 00:19:09,648 --> 00:19:11,343 You know that last move... 249 00:19:11,617 --> 00:19:14,745 where that woman tripped you and pinned you to the floor? 250 00:19:14,987 --> 00:19:16,284 What would you do next? 251 00:19:16,522 --> 00:19:18,922 She'd take the keys and jam them in your.. 252 00:19:19,158 --> 00:19:22,127 No, no. What would you do next? 253 00:19:22,427 --> 00:19:25,294 -Who, me, the attacker? -Yes, that's right. 254 00:19:26,498 --> 00:19:27,487 Why? 255 00:19:27,699 --> 00:19:31,191 I tried attacking two women. Did not work. 256 00:19:31,503 --> 00:19:32,527 What? 257 00:19:32,771 --> 00:19:35,001 No, it's okay. They're my friends. 258 00:19:35,307 --> 00:19:38,606 In fact, I was married to one of them. 259 00:19:39,645 --> 00:19:42,113 You attacked your ex-wife? 260 00:19:42,314 --> 00:19:44,179 Oh, no. No, no. 261 00:19:44,416 --> 00:19:46,077 I tried. 262 00:19:47,619 --> 00:19:51,282 But I couldn't. That's why I'm here. 263 00:19:51,590 --> 00:19:54,115 Maybe we could attack them together! 264 00:19:56,495 --> 00:19:58,087 That's a no. 265 00:19:59,665 --> 00:20:03,328 I am so, so, so, so sorry. 266 00:20:08,273 --> 00:20:11,106 And I will cook anything you want in here... 267 00:20:11,343 --> 00:20:14,870 and do anything you want in there. 268 00:20:16,381 --> 00:20:19,441 Yeah, you will! And are you kidding me? 269 00:20:22,054 --> 00:20:24,852 Come on, Monica, it's our Valentine's Day. 270 00:20:25,123 --> 00:20:27,182 Please, please, please, please? 271 00:20:29,561 --> 00:20:30,550 Okay. 272 00:20:46,645 --> 00:20:49,876 -So are we going in there? -I am! 273 00:21:04,529 --> 00:21:06,997 Nowhere to run. 274 00:21:09,268 --> 00:21:11,964 I don't like sitting up here. I'm gonna go over.. 275 00:21:12,170 --> 00:21:13,694 No, they got here first. 276 00:21:23,148 --> 00:21:25,378 -Why is Ross doing that? -Danger! 277 00:21:25,617 --> 00:21:30,145 Oh, my God! Why is he jumping on those women? 278 00:21:31,690 --> 00:21:33,715 We should help them. 279 00:21:33,992 --> 00:21:37,052 I don't think they need any help.