1 00:00:03,203 --> 00:00:07,264 I can't believe we've never done this. It's so good! 2 00:00:07,474 --> 00:00:09,965 It's so good for Monica. 3 00:00:13,279 --> 00:00:14,644 Time's up! My turn. 4 00:00:16,850 --> 00:00:19,216 -That was half an hour? -It's your timer. 5 00:00:22,555 --> 00:00:27,117 I don't like to brag about it, but I give the best massages. 6 00:00:27,360 --> 00:00:30,193 All right, then massage me up right nice! 7 00:00:35,402 --> 00:00:36,835 It's so good, isn't it? 8 00:00:37,070 --> 00:00:39,300 I don't know what I did to deserve it. 9 00:00:41,007 --> 00:00:45,068 Now stop trying to add more time to your massage. 10 00:00:46,846 --> 00:00:48,507 Say goodbye to sore muscles! 11 00:00:48,815 --> 00:00:50,715 Goodbye, muscles! 12 00:00:52,152 --> 00:00:54,382 The One with Joey's Bag 13 00:01:39,666 --> 00:01:42,157 She gives the worst massages ever! 14 00:01:43,436 --> 00:01:46,667 It was like she was torturing me for information. 15 00:01:47,207 --> 00:01:50,540 I wanted to give it up. I just didn't know what it was! 16 00:01:51,644 --> 00:01:54,340 If it hurts that bad, you should tell her. 17 00:01:54,647 --> 00:01:57,343 For the first time, I'm in a real relationship. 18 00:01:57,617 --> 00:02:00,780 I won't screw that up by telling the truth. 19 00:02:02,956 --> 00:02:04,389 Dude, look out! 20 00:02:04,657 --> 00:02:06,284 You almost crushed my hat. 21 00:02:07,060 --> 00:02:08,152 Sorry. 22 00:02:09,062 --> 00:02:11,053 And the bunny got away. 23 00:02:19,272 --> 00:02:22,639 This would be the place where you explain the hat. 24 00:02:26,479 --> 00:02:30,142 This is called a top hat. 25 00:02:32,485 --> 00:02:36,979 And why are you wearing this? Is it "top hat"? 26 00:02:39,726 --> 00:02:41,216 There's this play... 27 00:02:41,494 --> 00:02:45,396 ...and I'm up for the part of this cool, suave, international guy. 28 00:02:45,665 --> 00:02:47,496 A clotheshorse. So I figure... 29 00:02:47,734 --> 00:02:52,262 ...everyone at the audition will wear ultra-hip, high-fashion stuff. 30 00:02:52,539 --> 00:02:54,268 And you'll make them disappear? 31 00:02:55,542 --> 00:02:58,739 Like you could find something this sophisticated. 32 00:03:00,413 --> 00:03:01,607 Done! 33 00:03:02,882 --> 00:03:07,114 If you want to look good, come to the store. I'll help you. 34 00:03:07,420 --> 00:03:08,785 -Thanks! -Sure. 35 00:03:09,088 --> 00:03:10,578 Please, take those off! 36 00:03:14,027 --> 00:03:16,052 Hey, Phoebe. How's it going? 37 00:03:16,696 --> 00:03:20,097 Only okay because I just got back from the hospital. 38 00:03:20,700 --> 00:03:22,133 Are you all right? 39 00:03:22,368 --> 00:03:25,360 I'm fine, but my grandma sort of died. 40 00:03:26,906 --> 00:03:27,895 Phoebe, sorry. 41 00:03:28,074 --> 00:03:29,063 It's okay. 42 00:03:29,309 --> 00:03:31,277 She had a really incredible life. 43 00:03:31,544 --> 00:03:34,536 It's not like I won't see her again. She'll visit. 44 00:03:37,150 --> 00:03:39,778 Maybe she's with us right now. 45 00:03:40,053 --> 00:03:44,922 Right. She's on a new spiritual plain and she'll come to the coffeehouse. 46 00:03:45,158 --> 00:03:48,616 I just saw two people having sex in a car right outside! 47 00:03:51,564 --> 00:03:54,055 Phoebe' grandmother just died. 48 00:03:55,301 --> 00:03:57,565 Oh, my God! I'm so sorry. 49 00:03:58,004 --> 00:04:01,098 Actually, it's kind of cool. Because it's like... 50 00:04:01,441 --> 00:04:04,171 ...you know, one life ends and another begins. 51 00:04:05,912 --> 00:04:08,176 Not the way they're doing it. 52 00:04:10,083 --> 00:04:12,745 What happened? How did she die? 53 00:04:12,986 --> 00:04:14,112 We were in the market... 54 00:04:14,354 --> 00:04:18,984 ...and she bent down to get some yogurt and never came back up again. 55 00:04:20,260 --> 00:04:21,591 I'm so sorry. 56 00:04:21,794 --> 00:04:23,694 The last thing she said was: 57 00:04:23,930 --> 00:04:28,867 "You get the eggs, I'll get the yogurt, and we'll meet at the checkout counter." 58 00:04:29,469 --> 00:04:30,527 You know what? 59 00:04:30,970 --> 00:04:33,370 We will meet at the checkout counter. 60 00:04:41,047 --> 00:04:43,982 Since you're returning all this stuff... 61 00:04:44,217 --> 00:04:46,310 ...you'll have to wear underwear. 62 00:04:47,487 --> 00:04:50,285 All right. You'd better show me that too. 63 00:04:51,891 --> 00:04:54,052 It's missing something. 64 00:05:01,734 --> 00:05:03,463 Really? A purse? 65 00:05:03,670 --> 00:05:06,537 It's not a purse. It's a shoulder bag. 66 00:05:07,240 --> 00:05:09,231 It looks like a woman's purse. 67 00:05:09,976 --> 00:05:14,037 Trust me, all the men are carrying them in the spring catalog. 68 00:05:14,314 --> 00:05:16,976 See, look. Men carrying the bag. 69 00:05:17,850 --> 00:05:20,512 See, look. Women carrying the bag. 70 00:05:27,894 --> 00:05:33,025 But it is odd how a woman's purse looks so good on me, a man. 71 00:05:34,500 --> 00:05:36,525 Exactly. Unisex! 72 00:05:36,836 --> 00:05:39,896 Maybe you need sex. I had sex a couple days ago. 73 00:05:41,441 --> 00:05:45,036 No, Joey. U-N-I sex. 74 00:05:46,713 --> 00:05:49,079 I ain't gonna say no to that! 75 00:05:57,724 --> 00:05:59,351 -Who is it? -It's Phoebe. 76 00:05:59,625 --> 00:06:01,024 Oh, great! 77 00:06:01,894 --> 00:06:03,691 Oh, you. 78 00:06:04,464 --> 00:06:05,692 What's up? 79 00:06:07,700 --> 00:06:11,261 Well, I sort of have some bad news. Can I come in? 80 00:06:12,739 --> 00:06:13,763 No, thanks. 81 00:06:19,445 --> 00:06:21,208 Grandma died today. 82 00:06:22,248 --> 00:06:24,808 Didn't she die like five years ago? 83 00:06:25,118 --> 00:06:27,484 No, she just died today. 84 00:06:28,287 --> 00:06:31,154 We're having a memorial service tomorrow. 85 00:06:31,391 --> 00:06:34,121 Okay, I know I went to that already. 86 00:06:34,394 --> 00:06:35,827 No, you didn't! 87 00:06:36,129 --> 00:06:37,619 Then who's been dead? 88 00:06:37,897 --> 00:06:39,057 Lots of people! 89 00:06:41,634 --> 00:06:43,659 Look, are you coming or not? 90 00:06:47,573 --> 00:06:50,736 I thought she was dead, so I've made my peace. 91 00:06:52,412 --> 00:06:54,175 Plus I'm going to a concert. 92 00:06:54,447 --> 00:06:57,939 I'd invite you, but I only have two tickets left. 93 00:06:59,585 --> 00:07:03,954 -Fine. Okay, enjoy your concert. -Thanks. Enjoy your funeral! 94 00:07:15,768 --> 00:07:18,601 You look just like your son, Mrs. Tribbiani. 95 00:07:20,006 --> 00:07:22,839 What? Are you referring to my man's bag? 96 00:07:24,477 --> 00:07:27,776 I thought it just looked good, but it's practical too. 97 00:07:28,214 --> 00:07:32,173 It's got compartments for your wallet, keys, address book.... 98 00:07:32,351 --> 00:07:33,340 Your makeup. 99 00:07:35,688 --> 00:07:38,213 What are you doing? The audition's tomorrow. 100 00:07:38,491 --> 00:07:41,016 Yeah, but sandwich time is right now. 101 00:07:41,694 --> 00:07:44,458 You get mustard on that bag, you can't return it. 102 00:07:44,697 --> 00:07:47,495 Why would I return this? I love this bag! 103 00:07:47,733 --> 00:07:51,032 -All right, then you owe me $350. -Fine. 104 00:07:51,537 --> 00:07:54,529 Do you take Vasa or Mooster Card? 105 00:07:56,843 --> 00:08:01,974 Relax, I'll pay you with the money from the job I'll get. Thanks to you. 106 00:08:02,215 --> 00:08:04,877 What's the part? Auntie Mame? 107 00:08:05,351 --> 00:08:07,717 Don't listen to them. I think it's sexy. 108 00:08:08,488 --> 00:08:10,251 You-and-I sexy? 109 00:08:17,363 --> 00:08:20,389 Hello, Mrs. Pinilla. Thank you for coming. 110 00:08:20,666 --> 00:08:22,657 Here's your 3-D glasses. 111 00:08:25,371 --> 00:08:27,999 Reverend Pong will say when to put them on. 112 00:08:31,711 --> 00:08:33,008 Hi, sweetie. 113 00:08:33,212 --> 00:08:35,203 -How are you holding up? -Fine. 114 00:08:35,581 --> 00:08:38,015 Hey, Phoebe. I'm so sorry. 115 00:08:39,852 --> 00:08:43,253 You know what? My grandma had the exact same bag! 116 00:08:44,190 --> 00:08:45,384 I brought you flowers. 117 00:08:45,625 --> 00:08:47,115 Oh, thanks! 118 00:08:47,393 --> 00:08:50,294 Pulling flowers out makes the bag look masculine. 119 00:08:53,399 --> 00:08:55,629 Excuse me, is this the memorial? 120 00:08:55,902 --> 00:08:57,392 Welcome. 121 00:08:57,803 --> 00:08:59,270 Here's your 3-D glasses. 122 00:08:59,772 --> 00:09:01,205 All right. 123 00:09:03,042 --> 00:09:05,203 So how did you know Frances? 124 00:09:05,411 --> 00:09:07,971 Actually, I hadn't seen her for years. 125 00:09:08,314 --> 00:09:12,978 But I was pretty tight with her and her daughter. 126 00:09:13,252 --> 00:09:14,412 What's your name? 127 00:09:14,654 --> 00:09:16,315 Frank Buffay. 128 00:09:19,091 --> 00:09:22,720 You know what? Strike that. My name, actually, is Joe. 129 00:09:24,130 --> 00:09:25,620 Joe Hill. 130 00:09:25,798 --> 00:09:26,787 You're Frank Buf 131 00:09:27,099 --> 00:09:29,397 No! Joe Hill. 132 00:09:30,736 --> 00:09:31,725 You just said 133 00:09:31,971 --> 00:09:34,769 I got to go. Thank you so much for coming. 134 00:09:38,811 --> 00:09:40,108 Oh, my God! 135 00:09:40,346 --> 00:09:41,472 What happened? 136 00:09:41,914 --> 00:09:43,074 That was my dad. 137 00:09:44,784 --> 00:09:45,910 Check it out! 138 00:09:46,919 --> 00:09:48,910 It's like it's coming right at me. 139 00:09:58,331 --> 00:10:00,595 -Did you catch him? -What did he say? 140 00:10:00,833 --> 00:10:04,030 He said, "Nice to meet you, Glenda." 141 00:10:05,304 --> 00:10:07,431 I couldn't give him my real name. 142 00:10:07,673 --> 00:10:08,765 Why not? 143 00:10:09,041 --> 00:10:10,474 You saw the way he ran. 144 00:10:10,676 --> 00:10:13,474 You think he'd talk to the daughter he abandoned? 145 00:10:13,713 --> 00:10:15,442 What did you say to him? 146 00:10:15,681 --> 00:10:19,879 I said I was the executor of the will and I needed to talk to him. 147 00:10:20,152 --> 00:10:22,985 I'm going to meet him at the coffeehouse. 148 00:10:23,189 --> 00:10:24,884 Could everyone take their seats? 149 00:10:25,324 --> 00:10:27,815 I just can't think about that now. 150 00:10:28,194 --> 00:10:30,492 I want to say goodbye to my grandma. 151 00:10:31,297 --> 00:10:32,559 Let's go say goodbye. 152 00:10:45,811 --> 00:10:48,245 I'm off to my audition. How do I look? 153 00:10:49,649 --> 00:10:52,209 Great! That bag will get you that part. 154 00:10:52,485 --> 00:10:54,077 And a date with a man. 155 00:10:56,055 --> 00:11:00,151 You know what? Make fun all you want. This is a great bag. 156 00:11:00,393 --> 00:11:03,055 And it's as handy as it is becoming. 157 00:11:03,362 --> 00:11:07,423 Just because you don't understand something, doesn't make it wrong. 158 00:11:07,900 --> 00:11:10,835 You guys have to get used to the fact that Joey... 159 00:11:11,570 --> 00:11:13,333 ...comes with a bag! 160 00:11:15,207 --> 00:11:17,198 I've got to meet my dad. 161 00:11:17,543 --> 00:11:19,204 Will you tell him who you are? 162 00:11:19,445 --> 00:11:22,039 Not at first. I don't want to freak him out. 163 00:11:22,248 --> 00:11:24,182 But aren't you pissed at him? 164 00:11:24,417 --> 00:11:26,385 This guy abandoned you. 165 00:11:26,585 --> 00:11:30,885 If it were me, this guy would be in some serious physical danger. 166 00:11:31,123 --> 00:11:35,856 I'd walk in there, I'd be like, "Yo, Dad! 167 00:11:36,095 --> 00:11:39,292 You and me, outside. Right now!" 168 00:11:40,399 --> 00:11:42,094 I kind of scared myself. 169 00:11:43,269 --> 00:11:45,362 Well, at least you scared someone. 170 00:11:47,273 --> 00:11:49,207 You'd think I'd be angry. 171 00:11:49,408 --> 00:11:53,538 You'd think I'd want to rip his tiny, little head off! 172 00:11:54,313 --> 00:11:56,645 Fortunately, I'm past it. 173 00:11:57,116 --> 00:12:00,813 You do seem a little tense. Here, let me help you. 174 00:12:01,153 --> 00:12:02,142 Get off! 175 00:12:03,322 --> 00:12:06,314 Stop it! Why are you doing that to me? 176 00:12:07,126 --> 00:12:08,320 What are you talking about? 177 00:12:08,594 --> 00:12:11,392 As a masseuse and a human... 178 00:12:11,731 --> 00:12:15,064 ...I'm begging you, never do that to anyone! 179 00:12:16,102 --> 00:12:17,729 I give good massages. 180 00:12:20,473 --> 00:12:23,101 I gave them to Rachel before she got allergic. 181 00:12:25,811 --> 00:12:28,507 And Chandler, he loves them! Watch. 182 00:12:30,316 --> 00:12:32,648 He does not like it. He's in pain! 183 00:12:32,918 --> 00:12:35,614 -No, he's not. -Yes, he is! 184 00:12:36,088 --> 00:12:39,580 -What? -I'm sorry, but 185 00:12:44,130 --> 00:12:45,427 You've been lying to me? 186 00:12:45,765 --> 00:12:47,357 I can't believe that. 187 00:12:47,633 --> 00:12:49,624 Maybe he didn't want to hurt you. 188 00:12:49,869 --> 00:12:53,134 But the minute we start to lie to each other.... 189 00:12:56,509 --> 00:12:57,498 And by "we"... 190 00:12:58,177 --> 00:12:59,872 ...I mean society. 191 00:13:02,681 --> 00:13:05,013 Anytime you're ready. 192 00:13:05,718 --> 00:13:07,777 Well, you must be new here. 193 00:13:08,020 --> 00:13:10,318 Maybe we get a table, I buy you a drink. 194 00:13:10,623 --> 00:13:12,818 Could you try it without the purse? 195 00:13:14,894 --> 00:13:16,521 Yeah, sure. 196 00:13:20,332 --> 00:13:24,132 Well, you must be new here. Maybe we sit 197 00:13:24,637 --> 00:13:26,161 Can I ask you something? 198 00:13:26,372 --> 00:13:27,361 Sure. What? 199 00:13:27,640 --> 00:13:30,165 Well, first, it's not a purse. 200 00:13:32,211 --> 00:13:33,235 Anytime. 201 00:13:33,512 --> 00:13:35,912 If you think it's a woman's bag, it's not. 202 00:13:36,182 --> 00:13:38,082 It's a man's bag. 203 00:13:38,984 --> 00:13:41,544 Okay. And go! 204 00:13:42,688 --> 00:13:45,248 Let me show you the catalog. 205 00:13:45,891 --> 00:13:47,017 Look. See? 206 00:13:48,594 --> 00:13:50,027 It's the latest thing. 207 00:13:50,262 --> 00:13:53,095 Everyone's got one. Men, women, children. 208 00:13:53,399 --> 00:13:54,696 Do you sell these? 209 00:13:57,369 --> 00:14:00,065 No, these babies sell themselves. 210 00:14:01,607 --> 00:14:03,006 Thank you. That was great. 211 00:14:03,509 --> 00:14:05,033 But I didn't read anything. 212 00:14:05,277 --> 00:14:07,404 I think we've seen enough. 213 00:14:09,248 --> 00:14:10,738 All right, I'll see you. 214 00:14:11,016 --> 00:14:12,779 We got it. We got it. 215 00:14:15,387 --> 00:14:16,411 Is Rachel here? 216 00:14:17,957 --> 00:14:22,724 Listen, I just wanted to apologize about the whole massage thing. 217 00:14:23,462 --> 00:14:25,453 I really like them. 218 00:14:26,232 --> 00:14:28,223 Please, stop! 219 00:14:29,568 --> 00:14:31,468 We're supposed to be honest. 220 00:14:31,871 --> 00:14:35,398 I wish you could tell me, "l don't like your massages." 221 00:14:40,112 --> 00:14:42,603 I don't like your massages. 222 00:14:44,717 --> 00:14:47,151 See? It's no big deal. 223 00:14:48,320 --> 00:14:50,151 But now you're crying! 224 00:14:50,389 --> 00:14:54,553 I'm not crying about that. I'm crying about something at work. 225 00:14:55,761 --> 00:14:58,889 My boyfriend said he didn't like my massages. 226 00:14:59,665 --> 00:15:02,133 You don't have to be best at everything. 227 00:15:02,334 --> 00:15:05,997 Oh, my God! You don't know me at all! 228 00:15:09,308 --> 00:15:11,776 You give the worst massages in the world. 229 00:15:12,077 --> 00:15:14,068 I'm crying here! 230 00:15:14,780 --> 00:15:15,974 Look, hear me out. 231 00:15:16,181 --> 00:15:19,514 You give the best bad-massages. 232 00:15:20,452 --> 00:15:23,478 If anybody was looking for the best bad-massage... 233 00:15:23,756 --> 00:15:26,020 ...and they thought, "Who's the best?" 234 00:15:26,258 --> 00:15:27,691 They'd have to go to you. 235 00:15:33,866 --> 00:15:37,097 So you're saying that if there was an award... 236 00:15:37,336 --> 00:15:41,864 ...for the best bad-massage.... Who would get that? 237 00:15:42,141 --> 00:15:43,768 It would be you! 238 00:15:44,009 --> 00:15:47,137 You, Monica! And you'd get all the votes. 239 00:15:48,314 --> 00:15:50,714 So they could call the award, "The Monica"? 240 00:15:52,952 --> 00:15:54,146 Absolutely. 241 00:15:57,489 --> 00:15:58,956 I suck! 242 00:16:05,864 --> 00:16:07,491 Thank you for meeting me. 243 00:16:07,733 --> 00:16:09,132 Thank you. 244 00:16:09,802 --> 00:16:11,235 Come sit. 245 00:16:13,505 --> 00:16:14,802 Sit. 246 00:16:15,207 --> 00:16:16,674 Sit! 247 00:16:18,644 --> 00:16:21,545 Alrighty. Before we get started, I need you... 248 00:16:21,747 --> 00:16:25,911 ...to state for the record that you are, in fact, Frank Buffay. 249 00:16:26,185 --> 00:16:28,153 Yes, I am. 250 00:16:31,256 --> 00:16:32,848 What did Frances leave me? 251 00:16:34,059 --> 00:16:35,856 That's why you wanted me to come. 252 00:16:37,596 --> 00:16:40,429 Yes, she did. She left you... 253 00:16:42,001 --> 00:16:43,832 ...this lipstick. 254 00:16:49,008 --> 00:16:50,873 It's used. 255 00:16:53,245 --> 00:16:54,610 Cool! 256 00:16:57,383 --> 00:17:02,446 I have just a few questions to ask, so I'll get out my official forms. 257 00:17:05,958 --> 00:17:07,892 So question one: 258 00:17:08,594 --> 00:17:12,428 You were married to Frances' daughter, Lilly. Correct? 259 00:17:12,631 --> 00:17:14,622 Yes, I was. 260 00:17:15,601 --> 00:17:18,229 Question two. Did that marriage end: 261 00:17:18,470 --> 00:17:20,062 A: Happily? 262 00:17:20,372 --> 00:17:22,602 B: Medium? 263 00:17:22,908 --> 00:17:26,036 Or C: In the total abandonment... 264 00:17:26,278 --> 00:17:28,303 ...of her and her two children? 265 00:17:29,214 --> 00:17:30,408 It really says that? 266 00:17:30,649 --> 00:17:31,741 Yeah, see? 267 00:17:33,786 --> 00:17:36,152 I guess then I would have to say C. 268 00:17:37,790 --> 00:17:39,451 Total abandonment. 269 00:17:40,959 --> 00:17:42,654 Reasons for abandonment: 270 00:17:43,062 --> 00:17:46,293 A: Top-secret government work. 271 00:17:46,899 --> 00:17:47,991 B: Amnesia. 272 00:17:48,267 --> 00:17:51,566 Or C: You're just a selfish, irresponsible... 273 00:17:51,804 --> 00:17:54,238 ...bad, bad man. 274 00:17:54,773 --> 00:17:57,173 I don't want the lipstick that much. 275 00:17:58,944 --> 00:18:02,243 Would you do me a favor? 276 00:18:02,481 --> 00:18:04,176 Would you give Lilly... 277 00:18:05,150 --> 00:18:06,310 ...that, please? 278 00:18:07,286 --> 00:18:09,516 When you see Lilly, give her that note. 279 00:18:09,755 --> 00:18:12,155 I wanted to talk to her at the memorial... 280 00:18:12,658 --> 00:18:17,425 ...but I pictured her getting mad the way you did, and I chickened out. 281 00:18:18,163 --> 00:18:20,631 I wrote her a note. Give it to her, please? 282 00:18:20,866 --> 00:18:23,494 But you came to see Lilly? 283 00:18:24,536 --> 00:18:25,594 Yeah. Why? 284 00:18:26,672 --> 00:18:28,469 Lilly's dead. 285 00:18:30,008 --> 00:18:31,134 She what? 286 00:18:31,543 --> 00:18:32,532 She's dead. 287 00:18:33,178 --> 00:18:34,167 Are you sure? 288 00:18:34,480 --> 00:18:37,540 If she isn't, cremating her was a big mistake. 289 00:18:39,017 --> 00:18:41,815 I can't believe this. I just can't believe 290 00:18:42,121 --> 00:18:44,817 How? Oh, my God. 291 00:18:45,657 --> 00:18:46,646 How long ago? 292 00:18:46,992 --> 00:18:48,459 17 years ago. 293 00:18:51,296 --> 00:18:53,230 What about the girls? 294 00:18:56,168 --> 00:19:00,036 Well, Ursula is a waitress and she lives in Soho. 295 00:19:01,907 --> 00:19:03,704 And Phoebe... 296 00:19:05,477 --> 00:19:07,308 ...is on this couch. 297 00:19:14,920 --> 00:19:18,686 Yep, lipstick and a daughter. Big day for you! 298 00:19:19,992 --> 00:19:22,927 Phoebe, l.... 299 00:19:25,397 --> 00:19:28,560 It's just, I don't know what to say. 300 00:19:29,935 --> 00:19:34,702 I just can't believe that you're my daughter. You're so pretty. 301 00:19:36,108 --> 00:19:38,736 Yes, well, that's neither here nor there. 302 00:19:41,046 --> 00:19:43,844 Would it make you feel better if I said... 303 00:19:44,082 --> 00:19:47,711 ...that I was very, very sorry I left? 304 00:19:50,088 --> 00:19:53,251 It doesn't matter what you say. It won't make a difference. 305 00:19:53,525 --> 00:19:55,015 So you can just go. 306 00:19:56,795 --> 00:20:01,755 Well, you know, in my defense, I was a lousy father. 307 00:20:02,201 --> 00:20:04,726 -That's your defense? -Yes, it is. 308 00:20:04,970 --> 00:20:08,963 I burned the formula, and I put your diapers on backwards. 309 00:20:09,241 --> 00:20:13,803 I made up a song to sing to you, but that made you cry even more. 310 00:20:14,713 --> 00:20:15,873 You make up songs? 311 00:20:16,114 --> 00:20:19,242 Well, no, just that one. But it was stupid. 312 00:20:19,451 --> 00:20:22,284 Let's see, how did it go? 313 00:20:23,655 --> 00:20:26,647 Sleepy girl, sleepy girl 314 00:20:27,292 --> 00:20:30,090 Why won't you go to sleep? 315 00:20:30,729 --> 00:20:33,391 Sleepy girl, sleepy girl 316 00:20:33,665 --> 00:20:35,792 You're keeping me up 317 00:20:54,820 --> 00:20:56,788 I'm not very good at this. 318 00:20:59,958 --> 00:21:01,323 Well, I am. 319 00:21:06,999 --> 00:21:07,988 Not yet. No. 320 00:21:14,039 --> 00:21:15,165 How'd the audition go? 321 00:21:15,540 --> 00:21:16,973 Estelle said I didn't get it. 322 00:21:17,242 --> 00:21:20,473 What? Why? Joey, you were so ready for it. 323 00:21:20,712 --> 00:21:22,043 I thought so too... 324 00:21:22,314 --> 00:21:24,908 ...but the casting people had problems with me. 325 00:21:25,183 --> 00:21:26,377 What kind of problem? 326 00:21:26,718 --> 00:21:29,243 To tell you the truth... 327 00:21:29,521 --> 00:21:31,751 ...they had a problem with the bag! 328 00:21:33,258 --> 00:21:35,852 You know what? It was a stupid play anyway. 329 00:21:36,762 --> 00:21:38,525 It's time to give up the bag. 330 00:21:38,997 --> 00:21:41,363 I don't want to give up the bag. 331 00:21:41,833 --> 00:21:44,324 I don't have to give it up. Do l, Rach? 332 00:21:47,739 --> 00:21:50,173 You think I should give up the bag! 333 00:21:50,509 --> 00:21:54,878 Joey, I'm sorry. As terrific as I think you are with it... 334 00:21:57,015 --> 00:22:01,782 ...I just don't know if the world is ready for you and your bag. 335 00:22:04,256 --> 00:22:05,848 I can't believe this! 336 00:22:06,091 --> 00:22:09,288 Wait, I'm not saying you shouldn't have a bag. 337 00:22:10,562 --> 00:22:14,726 There are other bags that are maybe a little less... 338 00:22:15,467 --> 00:22:16,957 ...controversial. 339 00:22:18,036 --> 00:22:20,698 Yeah, they're called wallets. 340 00:22:23,508 --> 00:22:25,237 You're right. You're right. 341 00:22:25,410 --> 00:22:27,810 This bag has become like a part of me. 342 00:22:27,979 --> 00:22:31,039 It's like...my bag. 343 00:22:31,683 --> 00:22:34,481 It had a place for everything. 344 00:22:35,554 --> 00:22:37,419 -Oh, man. -What? 345 00:22:37,589 --> 00:22:42,720 There's a whole series of pockets here I didn't even know about, Rach. Look. 346 00:22:46,865 --> 00:22:49,459 Ursula, I have the most amazing news. 347 00:22:49,634 --> 00:22:51,795 I found our dad. 348 00:22:51,970 --> 00:22:53,460 Phoebe. 349 00:22:56,441 --> 00:23:00,673 Your sister. And I found our dad. 350 00:23:00,879 --> 00:23:04,110 John Glenn? John Glenn is not our dad. 351 00:23:04,516 --> 00:23:08,418 No, I will not join you in the lawsuit against him. 352 00:23:10,956 --> 00:23:13,117 It doesn't matter that he wasn't there while we were growing up. 353 00:23:13,291 --> 00:23:15,418 He's not our father. 354 00:23:16,361 --> 00:23:18,829 What do you mean that's for a jury to decide?