1
00:00:16,628 --> 00:00:20,792
See, Joe, that's why your parents
told you not to jump on the bed!

2
00:00:23,168 --> 00:00:24,294
The One With the Jam

3
00:01:10,215 --> 00:01:13,412
Hey, look at me!
l'm making jam!

4
00:01:13,652 --> 00:01:17,748
-l've been at it since 4 a.m.
-Where'd you get fruit at 4 a.m.?

5
00:01:17,990 --> 00:01:20,925
Went down to the docks. Betcha
didn't know you can get it wholesale.

6
00:01:21,693 --> 00:01:23,456
l didn't know there were docks.

7
00:01:25,897 --> 00:01:27,159
-Hey.
-Hey.

8
00:01:27,332 --> 00:01:28,663
ls it broken?

9
00:01:28,834 --> 00:01:31,302
No, but l gotta wear this
for a couple weeks.

10
00:01:31,570 --> 00:01:34,664
Did you tell the doctor you did it
jumping up and down on your bed?

11
00:01:35,440 --> 00:01:38,739
No. l had a whole story
worked out, but then...

12
00:01:39,011 --> 00:01:40,444
...Chandler sold me out.

13
00:01:40,612 --> 00:01:43,137
l'm sorry, Joe. l didn't think
the doctor was gonna buy...

14
00:01:43,315 --> 00:01:45,909
...that it just fell out of the socket.

15
00:01:47,119 --> 00:01:49,451
What is this? Fruit?

16
00:01:52,691 --> 00:01:53,953
Monica's making jam.

17
00:01:54,126 --> 00:01:58,927
Oh, jam? l love jam! Hey, how come
we never have jam at our place?

18
00:01:59,197 --> 00:02:01,324
Because the kids need new shoes.

19
00:02:02,634 --> 00:02:06,434
l'm going into business. l'm sick and
tired of being depressed about Richard.

20
00:02:06,638 --> 00:02:09,368
l needed a plan.
A plan to get over my man.

21
00:02:09,608 --> 00:02:12,668
What's the opposite of man? Jam!

22
00:02:14,646 --> 00:02:16,910
Oh, Joey, don't! lt's way too hot!

23
00:02:23,922 --> 00:02:25,913
This'll just be my batch.

24
00:02:43,975 --> 00:02:44,964
That's it. No.

25
00:02:45,143 --> 00:02:46,701
Hey, you, J. Crew guy....

26
00:02:46,878 --> 00:02:48,709
Why have you been following me?

27
00:02:48,880 --> 00:02:51,178
All week long,
everywhere l look, there's you.

28
00:02:51,650 --> 00:02:53,049
You wouldn't return my calls.

29
00:02:53,218 --> 00:02:54,913
-You sent back my letters.
-What?

30
00:02:55,087 --> 00:02:57,419
One more chance, Ursula. Please.

31
00:03:01,026 --> 00:03:02,220
Oh, well, this is awkward.

32
00:03:04,129 --> 00:03:07,963
Yeah, because you want Ursula,
and l'm Phoebe. Twin sisters.

33
00:03:09,234 --> 00:03:10,826
Seriously.

34
00:03:12,337 --> 00:03:14,703
That's great.
l'm stalking the wrong woman.

35
00:03:14,873 --> 00:03:17,103
l am such a dingus!

36
00:03:17,642 --> 00:03:19,610
Oh, you're not a dingus.

37
00:03:19,811 --> 00:03:23,508
l just want you to know
l didn't used to be like this.

38
00:03:23,682 --> 00:03:26,150
Before l met your sister,
l was like this normal guy...

39
00:03:26,318 --> 00:03:28,183
...who sold beepers and cellular phones.

40
00:03:30,122 --> 00:03:32,613
l mean, look,
it's not your fault, you know.

41
00:03:32,791 --> 00:03:37,558
l mean, this is just what she
does to guys, okay? So just....

42
00:03:38,463 --> 00:03:39,657
Well, thanks.

43
00:03:40,065 --> 00:03:42,499
Wait. You know what?
l got a little story.

44
00:03:43,268 --> 00:03:47,102
When l was in junior high, l went through
a period where l thought l was a witch.

45
00:03:47,272 --> 00:03:49,206
And there was this guidance
counselor who...

46
00:03:49,374 --> 00:03:51,706
...said something that
l think will help you a lot.

47
00:03:51,877 --> 00:03:56,280
He said, ''Okay, you're not a witch.
You're just an average student.''

48
00:03:57,149 --> 00:03:59,982
-See what l'm saying?
-Not really.

49
00:04:01,186 --> 00:04:02,585
Well, get over it.

50
00:04:04,790 --> 00:04:10,057
So.... l mean, you just, you seem like
a really nice guy. You know, and just....

51
00:04:10,228 --> 00:04:12,355
Don't be so hard on yourself, okay?

52
00:04:12,564 --> 00:04:16,762
You're right. l know you're right.
And thanks for being so nice.

53
00:04:18,103 --> 00:04:19,092
Here.

54
00:04:19,504 --> 00:04:21,165
Thanks a lot.

55
00:04:21,840 --> 00:04:23,364
Do you want to get a cup of coffee?

56
00:04:23,542 --> 00:04:25,840
-Yeah, okay.
-Okay.

57
00:04:28,213 --> 00:04:30,875
You don't have
to walk behind me anymore.

58
00:04:32,517 --> 00:04:35,315
-Mon?
-Mon?

59
00:04:36,555 --> 00:04:39,991
''Gone for more jars. Back later.
Monica Geller.''

60
00:04:41,526 --> 00:04:43,289
-Wait a minute. Look!
-What?

61
00:04:43,461 --> 00:04:45,156
-Look. Look. Look.
-What? What? What?

62
00:04:45,330 --> 00:04:47,560
lt's an empty apartment.

63
00:04:47,799 --> 00:04:50,825
We're all alone
in an empty apartment.

64
00:04:51,002 --> 00:04:54,563
Oh, honey, come on. l have
to be at work in, like, ten minutes.

65
00:04:55,373 --> 00:04:59,605
All right. Well, it's not like
l'm employee of the year or anything.

66
00:05:04,816 --> 00:05:05,874
There it is!

67
00:05:06,051 --> 00:05:08,042
Oh, that's what you're talking about.

68
00:05:08,220 --> 00:05:10,347
-Hey.
-Hey.

69
00:05:11,022 --> 00:05:12,148
Do l look fat?

70
00:05:13,058 --> 00:05:14,218
-No.
-No.

71
00:05:14,392 --> 00:05:16,417
Okay. l accept that.

72
00:05:16,595 --> 00:05:19,496
When Janice asked me and l said no,
she took that to mean...

73
00:05:19,664 --> 00:05:21,996
...that l was calling her a cow.

74
00:05:22,167 --> 00:05:25,603
Okay. Walk us through it, honey.
Walk us through it.

75
00:05:25,770 --> 00:05:30,434
Okay, well, Janice said, ''Hi. Do l look
fat today?'' And l looked at her--

76
00:05:30,609 --> 00:05:34,170
Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. You looked at her?

77
00:05:36,915 --> 00:05:38,177
You never look.

78
00:05:39,384 --> 00:05:43,514
You just answer. lt's like a reflex.
''Do l look fat?'' ''No.''

79
00:05:45,991 --> 00:05:48,960
''ls she prettier than l am?''
''No.''

80
00:05:50,095 --> 00:05:51,187
-Does size matter?
-No!

81
00:05:51,363 --> 00:05:53,126
And it works both ways.

82
00:05:56,268 --> 00:05:59,396
Okay, so you both
just know this stuff?

83
00:05:59,571 --> 00:06:02,938
You know, after about 30 or 40 fights,
you kind of catch on.

84
00:06:04,376 --> 00:06:05,900
Okay. For instance:

85
00:06:06,077 --> 00:06:10,776
Let's say, Janice is coming back from
a trip and she gives you two options.

86
00:06:10,982 --> 00:06:13,815
Option number one: She'll take
a cab home from the airport.

87
00:06:13,985 --> 00:06:17,921
Or option two: You can meet her
at baggage claim. What do you do?

88
00:06:18,089 --> 00:06:21,286
-That's easy. Baggage claim.
-Wrong! Now you're single.

89
00:06:23,595 --> 00:06:26,928
lt's actually secret
option number three.

90
00:06:27,332 --> 00:06:30,597
You meet her at the gate.
That way she knows you love her.

91
00:06:31,736 --> 00:06:32,794
Okay, this is good.

92
00:06:32,971 --> 00:06:36,873
All right, listen. l have one.
Janice likes to cuddle...

93
00:06:37,042 --> 00:06:39,533
...at night,
which l'm all for.

94
00:06:39,711 --> 00:06:43,306
But when you want to go to sleep,
you want some space.

95
00:06:43,481 --> 00:06:46,348
So how do l tell her that without...

96
00:06:46,651 --> 00:06:49,779
...you know, accidentally
calling her fat or something?

97
00:06:50,155 --> 00:06:54,592
Oh, honey. l'm sorry. We can't help you
there, because we're cuddly sleepers.

98
00:06:55,961 --> 00:06:59,488
Okay. l'm late for work. All right.
Are you guys going to come down?

99
00:06:59,664 --> 00:07:02,758
-Yeah. l'm right behind you.
-Okay. Good luck, Chandler.

100
00:07:02,934 --> 00:07:04,196
-Thank you.
-Bye, sweetie.

101
00:07:04,369 --> 00:07:05,563
Bye, honey.

102
00:07:07,305 --> 00:07:09,830
Okay, the sleeping thing.

103
00:07:10,475 --> 00:07:13,069
Very tricky business,
but there is something you can do.

104
00:07:13,244 --> 00:07:16,577
-l thought you were ''cuddly sleepers.''
-No.

105
00:07:18,450 --> 00:07:21,010
No. Not cuddly.
Not me. Just her.

106
00:07:21,186 --> 00:07:23,381
l'm like you.
l need the room.

107
00:07:23,688 --> 00:07:24,985
Okay, come here.

108
00:07:28,593 --> 00:07:32,359
-Okay. You're in bed.
-Yeah.

109
00:07:35,800 --> 00:07:38,268
-l'm gonna use the cushion.
-Yeah.

110
00:07:39,671 --> 00:07:43,573
Okay. You're in bed.
She's over on your side, cuddling.

111
00:07:43,842 --> 00:07:46,868
Now, you wait for her to drift off...

112
00:07:47,345 --> 00:07:49,336
...and then you hug her...

113
00:07:49,981 --> 00:07:54,475
...and roll her over
to her side of the bed.

114
00:07:54,919 --> 00:07:56,511
And then you...

115
00:07:57,922 --> 00:07:59,981
...roll away.

116
00:08:01,760 --> 00:08:03,523
Hug for her.

117
00:08:06,598 --> 00:08:08,759
Roll for you.

118
00:08:10,435 --> 00:08:12,027
Okay. The old ''hug and roll.''

119
00:08:12,604 --> 00:08:14,333
-Okay. One question.
-Shoot.

120
00:08:14,506 --> 00:08:17,236
You're pretending
the pillow's a girl, right?

121
00:08:20,145 --> 00:08:24,206
Remember when you were a kid and your
mom would drop you off at the movies...

122
00:08:24,382 --> 00:08:27,613
...with a jar of jam
and a little spoon?

123
00:08:29,988 --> 00:08:31,888
You're so pretty.

124
00:08:36,928 --> 00:08:38,793
-Hi!
-Hey, Phoebe!

125
00:08:38,963 --> 00:08:42,831
Hey, you know that guy who's been
following me? l talked to him today.

126
00:08:43,001 --> 00:08:44,696
You talked to him?

127
00:08:44,869 --> 00:08:47,167
Are you crazy?

128
00:08:47,772 --> 00:08:51,538
Okay. First, l'm not crazy.
And second, say it, don't spray it.

129
00:08:52,877 --> 00:08:56,278
Anyway, his name is Malcolm,
and he wasn't following me.

130
00:08:56,481 --> 00:08:59,314
l mean, he was, but just
because he thought l was Ursula.

131
00:09:01,753 --> 00:09:05,245
That's why he couldn't just
come up and talk to me.

132
00:09:06,057 --> 00:09:08,924
Because of the restraining order.

133
00:09:11,162 --> 00:09:13,187
Not feeling better about Malcolm.

134
00:09:14,933 --> 00:09:16,924
No, no, no. He's not a kook.

135
00:09:17,102 --> 00:09:20,970
He's just this, like, very passionate,
incredibly romantic guy...

136
00:09:21,139 --> 00:09:23,937
...that just got, like, a teensy bit
carried away, you know.

137
00:09:24,109 --> 00:09:27,340
And we just get along really well,
and he is so cute.

138
00:09:28,346 --> 00:09:33,443
Oh, my God! You've got a crush
on your sister's stalker.

139
00:09:33,751 --> 00:09:36,686
l'm just going to help him.
You know. Get de-Ursula-ized.

140
00:09:36,855 --> 00:09:39,824
Like, you know. Like l did for Joey
after he went out with her.

141
00:09:39,991 --> 00:09:41,356
l didn't stalk her, l mean....

142
00:09:42,527 --> 00:09:46,054
-l asked for the news, not the weather.
-Sorry.

143
00:09:46,231 --> 00:09:49,200
-Hey, guys.
-Hey, Mon.

144
00:09:49,501 --> 00:09:52,766
Joey, this is for you.
lt's blackberry currant.

145
00:09:59,611 --> 00:10:01,238
Joe, l got to ask.

146
00:10:01,446 --> 00:10:04,279
The girl from the Xerox place,
buck naked...

147
00:10:05,316 --> 00:10:07,477
...or a big tub of jam?

148
00:10:09,220 --> 00:10:11,085
Put your hands together.

149
00:10:15,226 --> 00:10:17,751
Joey, take your time with that.
That's my last batch.

150
00:10:18,496 --> 00:10:19,986
No more jam?

151
00:10:20,965 --> 00:10:23,126
Well, what happened
to your jam plan?

152
00:10:23,334 --> 00:10:26,895
l figured out l'd need to charge
1 7 bucks a jar just to break even.

153
00:10:27,071 --> 00:10:30,370
So l've got a new plan now.
Babies.

154
00:10:31,609 --> 00:10:34,043
Well, you're gonna
need much bigger jars.

155
00:10:36,214 --> 00:10:39,775
-What are you talking about?
-l'm talking about me having a baby.

156
00:10:39,984 --> 00:10:42,282
-Are you serious?
-Yeah.

157
00:10:42,453 --> 00:10:45,911
The great thing about the jam plan
was l was taking control of my life.

158
00:10:46,090 --> 00:10:49,719
So l asked myself, ''What is the most
important thing to me in the world?''

159
00:10:49,894 --> 00:10:52,089
And that's when l came up
with the baby plan.

160
00:10:52,263 --> 00:10:54,697
Aren't you forgetting something?

161
00:10:55,266 --> 00:10:58,030
What is that guy's name?
Dad!

162
00:10:59,938 --> 00:11:03,465
lt took me 28 years to find one man
that l wanted to spend my life with.

163
00:11:03,675 --> 00:11:07,771
lf l have to wait another 28 years,
then l'll be 56 before l can have a baby.

164
00:11:07,979 --> 00:11:09,879
And that's just stupid.

165
00:11:11,282 --> 00:11:13,477
That's what's stupid?

166
00:11:15,019 --> 00:11:20,286
l don't need an actual man.
Just a couple of his best swimmers.

167
00:11:20,825 --> 00:11:24,317
And there are places that
you can go to get that stuff.

168
00:11:24,495 --> 00:11:26,622
Down to the docks again?

169
00:11:36,341 --> 00:11:39,333
Night-night, Bing-a-ling.

170
00:11:40,778 --> 00:11:42,302
Night-night...

171
00:11:43,181 --> 00:11:44,375
...Janice.

172
00:11:48,119 --> 00:11:51,418
Look at all that room on her side!

173
00:11:51,589 --> 00:11:53,523
You could fit a giant penguin over there.

174
00:11:55,560 --> 00:11:56,857
That'd be weird, though.

175
00:11:58,830 --> 00:12:00,127
Hug and roll time.

176
00:12:00,331 --> 00:12:02,663
I'm hugging. I'm hugging.

177
00:12:02,900 --> 00:12:05,232
You're rolling, and....

178
00:12:05,903 --> 00:12:07,461
Yes! Freedom!

179
00:12:08,206 --> 00:12:10,174
Except for this arm!

180
00:12:11,109 --> 00:12:13,839
I'm stuck. Stuck arm.

181
00:12:14,679 --> 00:12:18,206
Okay. Time for the old tablecloth trick.
One fluid motion.

182
00:12:18,383 --> 00:12:20,374
Quick like a cat. Quick like a cat.

183
00:12:20,551 --> 00:12:23,452
And one, two...

184
00:12:23,621 --> 00:12:25,452
...three!

185
00:12:33,598 --> 00:12:35,429
Here's my binoculars.

186
00:12:36,234 --> 00:12:40,500
Great. You're doing great, you know.
Real strong. Going strong. Keep going.

187
00:12:41,773 --> 00:12:44,003
These are my night-vision goggles.

188
00:12:44,842 --> 00:12:48,539
This is the book l pretend to read
when l'm watching her in the park.

189
00:12:49,447 --> 00:12:53,747
And these are Mad Libs.
They're just for fun.

190
00:12:53,918 --> 00:12:55,442
What's this?

191
00:12:55,620 --> 00:12:59,681
This is the log l kept,
recording her every movement.

192
00:12:59,857 --> 00:13:01,722
You want to hear something from it?

193
00:13:01,893 --> 00:13:03,793
Not even a little bit.

194
00:13:05,129 --> 00:13:06,118
lt's about you.

195
00:13:06,297 --> 00:13:08,094
Oh. Okay, then.

196
00:13:13,271 --> 00:13:15,068
''l met Phoebe today.

197
00:13:15,606 --> 00:13:19,542
She was really nice to me
even though l'm such a loser.

198
00:13:19,711 --> 00:13:22,942
And when l was walking home,
l thought about her a lot.

199
00:13:23,214 --> 00:13:26,240
lt was weird, but kind of cool.''

200
00:13:27,385 --> 00:13:28,409
Good.

201
00:13:30,221 --> 00:13:31,813
So, what were you thinking?

202
00:13:32,990 --> 00:13:35,584
l was thinking what
it'd be like to kiss you.

203
00:13:35,793 --> 00:13:37,158
-Really?
-No.

204
00:13:40,465 --> 00:13:44,026
See, that's just something l said now
so that maybe l could kiss you.

205
00:13:44,569 --> 00:13:46,503
Oh, okay.

206
00:13:52,310 --> 00:13:55,438
No, it's all right.
l just had a jar of mustard.

207
00:13:56,581 --> 00:14:01,814
Okay. Sperm donor number 0381 5,
come on down!

208
00:14:02,487 --> 00:14:04,682
Okay, he's 6'2'', 1 70 pounds.

209
00:14:04,856 --> 00:14:07,916
And he describes himself
as a male Geena Davis.

210
00:14:08,092 --> 00:14:10,560
You mean there's
more than one of us?

211
00:14:11,863 --> 00:14:15,299
You can't do this, Mon.
All right. lf you do this, l'm gonna--

212
00:14:15,466 --> 00:14:18,924
-You're gonna what?
-l'm gonna tell Mom.

213
00:14:19,103 --> 00:14:22,869
Honey, l'm sorry, but he's right.
l love you, but you're crazy.

214
00:14:23,040 --> 00:14:25,668
Why? Why is this crazy?

215
00:14:26,043 --> 00:14:28,603
-So this isn't the ideal way--
-Oh, it's not the ideal--?

216
00:14:28,913 --> 00:14:30,676
Lips moving. Still talking.

217
00:14:31,916 --> 00:14:33,941
lt may not be ideal, but...

218
00:14:34,252 --> 00:14:36,015
...l'm so ready.

219
00:14:36,587 --> 00:14:38,748
l see the way
Ben looks at you.

220
00:14:39,357 --> 00:14:41,917
lt makes me ache, you know?

221
00:14:42,093 --> 00:14:45,824
Check it out! Jam crackers!

222
00:14:48,466 --> 00:14:50,627
Okay. All right, how's this?

223
00:14:50,935 --> 00:14:53,699
Twenty-seven, ltalian-American guy.

224
00:14:53,938 --> 00:14:55,530
He's an actor.

225
00:14:55,807 --> 00:14:57,468
Born in Queens.

226
00:14:57,742 --> 00:15:00,939
Wow! Big family.
Seven sisters...

227
00:15:01,879 --> 00:15:05,610
...and he's the only boy.

228
00:15:08,319 --> 00:15:12,016
Oh, my God! Under personal comments:
''New York Knicks rule.''

229
00:15:12,190 --> 00:15:13,714
Yeah, the Knicks rule!

230
00:15:17,728 --> 00:15:19,753
Joey, this is you!

231
00:15:19,931 --> 00:15:22,161
Let me see.

232
00:15:23,935 --> 00:15:25,129
Oh, right.

233
00:15:26,404 --> 00:15:28,167
When did you go to a sperm bank?

234
00:15:28,339 --> 00:15:31,137
Oh, right after l did
that sex study down at NYU.

235
00:15:31,342 --> 00:15:33,970
Hey, remember that sweater
l gave you for your birthday?

236
00:15:34,145 --> 00:15:36,613
And that's how you bought it?

237
00:15:37,348 --> 00:15:40,579
No. That's what l was wearing
when l donated.

238
00:15:43,821 --> 00:15:47,348
l'm kind of surprised there's
any of my boys left.

239
00:15:47,525 --> 00:15:51,461
Honey, it is pretty competitive. l mean,
l've got an actual rocket scientist here.

240
00:15:51,629 --> 00:15:53,790
Maybe l should call this place
and get them...

241
00:15:53,965 --> 00:15:56,024
...to put my Days of our Lives
gig on here.

242
00:15:56,200 --> 00:15:57,963
Juice this puppy up a little.

243
00:15:59,904 --> 00:16:01,462
-Hey.
-Hey!

244
00:16:01,639 --> 00:16:02,936
How's the maniac?

245
00:16:03,407 --> 00:16:06,240
He's yummy.
We did a little kissing.

246
00:16:07,178 --> 00:16:09,305
-Phoebe, what are you doing?
-Oh, no.

247
00:16:09,480 --> 00:16:14,508
No. No. You know what? He's not
into that stuff anymore. He quit for me.

248
00:16:14,685 --> 00:16:19,918
This guy has been obsessed with your
sister for God knows how long, okay.

249
00:16:20,091 --> 00:16:22,184
You don't just give up
something like that.

250
00:16:22,360 --> 00:16:26,057
So look, he gave me his night-vision
goggles and everything. So....

251
00:16:26,731 --> 00:16:30,758
You're taking the word of a guy
who has night-vision goggles?

252
00:16:30,935 --> 00:16:34,803
What? He's not still following her.
You think he's still following her?

253
00:16:34,972 --> 00:16:37,998
Pheebs. Wake up and smell
the restraining order.

254
00:16:39,911 --> 00:16:41,378
What are you saying l should do?

255
00:16:41,546 --> 00:16:44,606
l think that if you really like this guy,
you should just trust him.

256
00:16:44,782 --> 00:16:45,942
Thank you, Monica.

257
00:16:46,117 --> 00:16:48,608
Or you could follow him
and see where he goes.

258
00:16:48,786 --> 00:16:51,277
Oh, that's what l would do.
Forget mine.

259
00:16:54,191 --> 00:16:55,522
Oh, my God! What happened?

260
00:16:55,693 --> 00:17:00,494
Oh, God. Crazy Chandler.
He spun me off the bed.

261
00:17:00,665 --> 00:17:03,532
Wow! Spinning.
That sounds like fun.

262
00:17:05,636 --> 00:17:07,103
l wish.

263
00:17:07,338 --> 00:17:12,002
No. You know, he was just
trying Ross' ''hug and roll'' thing.

264
00:17:14,512 --> 00:17:15,501
Ross' what?

265
00:17:15,680 --> 00:17:20,140
You know. Like where he hugs you
and then kind of rolls you away, and....

266
00:17:23,154 --> 00:17:24,178
Oh...

267
00:17:24,355 --> 00:17:25,583
...my...

268
00:17:25,756 --> 00:17:27,951
...God!

269
00:17:59,624 --> 00:18:01,956
-Phoebe?
-Yes? Yes!

270
00:18:03,828 --> 00:18:04,886
What are you doing?

271
00:18:05,062 --> 00:18:08,327
Oh, l was just here
looking for my....

272
00:18:08,699 --> 00:18:11,293
Part of an old sandwich.
Here it is!

273
00:18:13,104 --> 00:18:15,299
Were you following me?

274
00:18:16,273 --> 00:18:17,365
Perhaps.

275
00:18:18,275 --> 00:18:20,903
Yes. Yes. l'm sorry. l'm sorry.

276
00:18:21,145 --> 00:18:24,205
l was just afraid that you
were still hung up on my sister.

277
00:18:24,382 --> 00:18:26,850
So you spied on me.

278
00:18:27,018 --> 00:18:29,350
l can't believe
you don't trust me.

279
00:18:35,026 --> 00:18:39,554
Oh, well, what do you know?
There goes my identical twin sister!

280
00:18:39,830 --> 00:18:42,424
Just walking along, looking like me.

281
00:18:43,801 --> 00:18:47,760
Well, is this like a freakish coincidence,
or did you know that she takes this train?

282
00:18:48,172 --> 00:18:53,132
l'm sorry. l'm sorry.
l tried to stop, but l couldn't.

283
00:18:53,744 --> 00:18:55,541
l'm so pathetic.

284
00:18:55,713 --> 00:18:59,672
No. No, it's not your fault.
You know, it's partly my fault.

285
00:18:59,850 --> 00:19:02,444
lt's 'cause l made you quit cold turkey.

286
00:19:04,021 --> 00:19:07,684
Okay, well, l mean, l can't date you
anymore because you're, you know....

287
00:19:07,925 --> 00:19:09,119
Wow!

288
00:19:11,062 --> 00:19:15,362
But l will definitely, definitely
help you get over my sister. Okay?

289
00:19:16,167 --> 00:19:18,567
Stalk me for a while, huh?

290
00:19:19,403 --> 00:19:22,804
Yeah, and l'll be like an Ursula patch.

291
00:19:24,241 --> 00:19:25,833
-l don't know.
-Yeah! Just....

292
00:19:26,010 --> 00:19:28,137
Okay. Look, l'm going!

293
00:19:28,612 --> 00:19:30,409
Come on.

294
00:19:30,815 --> 00:19:34,307
l'm behind the pillar.
Which way am l gonna go?

295
00:19:36,120 --> 00:19:37,280
-Hey.
-Hey.

296
00:19:37,455 --> 00:19:39,821
-Where you going?
-To the bank.

297
00:19:39,990 --> 00:19:42,356
Sperm or regular?

298
00:19:43,227 --> 00:19:44,717
Sperm.

299
00:19:44,929 --> 00:19:49,889
-So you're really doing it, huh?
-Oh, yeah. l picked a guy. 37 1 35.

300
00:19:50,067 --> 00:19:51,261
Sounds nice.

301
00:19:51,435 --> 00:19:54,404
l'd say so. He's got
brown hair and green eyes.

302
00:19:54,572 --> 00:19:56,164
No kidding?

303
00:19:56,674 --> 00:19:59,370
-What?
-l figured you would have picked a blond.

304
00:19:59,944 --> 00:20:01,969
-Really? Why?
-l don't know.

305
00:20:02,146 --> 00:20:06,981
l always pictured you ending up with a tall,
smart, blond guy with a name like...

306
00:20:07,184 --> 00:20:08,208
...Hoyt.

307
00:20:09,620 --> 00:20:10,609
Hoyt?

308
00:20:10,788 --> 00:20:12,119
lt's a name. Yeah.

309
00:20:13,290 --> 00:20:17,886
l saw you in this, you know,
this great house with a big pool.

310
00:20:18,129 --> 00:20:20,791
Yeah? ls he a swimmer?

311
00:20:21,432 --> 00:20:22,831
He's got the body for it.

312
00:20:23,934 --> 00:20:26,129
l like that.

313
00:20:28,506 --> 00:20:29,871
What?

314
00:20:30,040 --> 00:20:31,667
You have one of those signs that says:

315
00:20:31,842 --> 00:20:35,005
''We don't swim in your toilet,
so don't pee in our pool.'' You know.

316
00:20:35,179 --> 00:20:38,546
-We do not have one of those signs.
-Sure, you do. lt was a gift from me.

317
00:20:40,284 --> 00:20:43,014
Oh! And you have these three great kids.

318
00:20:43,187 --> 00:20:46,486
-Two girls and a boy?
-Yeah!

319
00:20:46,657 --> 00:20:48,989
And they wear those little water wings,
you know...

320
00:20:49,160 --> 00:20:51,151
...and they're running around
on the deck.

321
00:20:51,362 --> 00:20:54,195
And then Hoyt wraps this big towel
around all three of them.

322
00:20:54,365 --> 00:20:56,162
Sure.

323
00:21:01,972 --> 00:21:04,702
But, hey, you know,
this way sounds good too.

324
00:21:06,443 --> 00:21:08,741
Yeah.

325
00:21:11,248 --> 00:21:12,943
Oh, Monica.

326
00:21:20,191 --> 00:21:22,455
Wow! This guy's an astronaut?

327
00:21:24,128 --> 00:21:26,756
That would have been cool...

328
00:21:26,931 --> 00:21:28,865
...for like a day.

329
00:21:36,874 --> 00:21:39,866
She'll be back at 5.

330
00:21:40,044 --> 00:21:41,841
Five!

331
00:21:48,586 --> 00:21:50,076
l called the sperm bank today.

332
00:21:50,287 --> 00:21:53,484
They haven't sold a single unit
of Tribbiani.

333
00:21:53,958 --> 00:21:55,550
Nobody wants my product.

334
00:21:57,561 --> 00:21:59,688
l mean, l don't get it, you know.

335
00:22:03,934 --> 00:22:05,162
l mean....

336
00:22:06,070 --> 00:22:07,970
Maybe if they met me in person.

337
00:22:09,740 --> 00:22:12,436
Honey, you got a little thing on your....

338
00:22:16,113 --> 00:22:17,102
Get it?

339
00:22:18,282 --> 00:22:19,977
Yeah.

340
00:22:21,752 --> 00:22:23,617
Hello.

341
00:22:24,688 --> 00:22:26,588
Hello.

342
00:22:29,593 --> 00:22:31,493
Okay.

343
00:22:34,298 --> 00:22:36,664
Chan, can l talk to you
for a second?

344
00:22:36,834 --> 00:22:38,893
Sure. What's up?

345
00:22:39,069 --> 00:22:42,129
Just one additional
relationship thought.

346
00:22:42,306 --> 00:22:45,104
Something you're probably
already familiar with.

347
00:22:45,276 --> 00:22:46,402
Women talk.

348
00:22:47,745 --> 00:22:48,734
[ENGLlSH]