1 00:00:03,615 --> 00:00:05,048 - Hey, guys. - Hey. 2 00:00:05,217 --> 00:00:07,947 Honey, I got us that room at the Woodford lnn this weekend. 3 00:00:08,120 --> 00:00:11,920 That place in Vermont? You can take a hint. 4 00:00:12,090 --> 00:00:14,650 You can't go away this weekend. It's Emma's birthday. 5 00:00:14,826 --> 00:00:16,157 We're having a party. 6 00:00:16,328 --> 00:00:18,387 Can't you have the party when we get back? 7 00:00:18,864 --> 00:00:21,560 No. It won't be her real birthday. 8 00:00:21,733 --> 00:00:27,000 Gee, if only she were 1 and had no idea what the hell a birthday was. 9 00:00:27,306 --> 00:00:29,797 Come on, you guys, this is really important to us. 10 00:00:29,975 --> 00:00:32,967 Sorry, but Chandler and l could really use a weekend away... 11 00:00:33,145 --> 00:00:37,206 - ...you know, to reconnect, emotionally. - There's this thing I really want us to do. 12 00:00:37,382 --> 00:00:39,316 I read about it in Maxim. 13 00:00:40,485 --> 00:00:43,477 Well, can't you just go to Vermont the next day? 14 00:00:43,655 --> 00:00:45,384 Yeah, we want everyone to be there. 15 00:00:45,557 --> 00:00:50,756 As much as I hate to delay your doing weird sex stuff to my little sister. 16 00:00:50,929 --> 00:00:53,557 And, I mean, you know, you guys, this is a big deal. 17 00:00:53,732 --> 00:00:57,259 How can we have her first birthday party without her aunt and her uncle? 18 00:00:57,436 --> 00:01:01,372 I promise I won't do any magic. 19 00:01:03,875 --> 00:01:07,208 All right, we'll stay. We can just drive up after the party. 20 00:01:07,379 --> 00:01:10,746 Fine. But if we end up not doing this Maxim thing because of this party-- 21 00:01:10,916 --> 00:01:13,441 Believe me, that is not why we won't be doing that. 22 00:02:03,335 --> 00:02:05,929 You know, Pheebs, when I was little, on my birthday... 23 00:02:06,104 --> 00:02:09,267 ...my daddy would hide a present in every room of the house. 24 00:02:09,441 --> 00:02:12,410 And then he would draw a treasure map to help me find them all. 25 00:02:12,978 --> 00:02:15,708 I love family traditions like that. 26 00:02:15,914 --> 00:02:19,042 When Ursula and I were kids, on our birthday... 27 00:02:19,217 --> 00:02:23,483 ...our stepdad would sell his blood to buy us food. 28 00:02:26,124 --> 00:02:27,557 - Hey, guys. - Hi. 29 00:02:27,726 --> 00:02:30,786 - I brought the camera for Emma's video. - Oh, good! 30 00:02:30,962 --> 00:02:33,453 We had this idea to make a birthday video for Emma... 31 00:02:33,632 --> 00:02:36,362 - ...and we'll give it to her when she's 18. - Oh, cool. 32 00:02:36,535 --> 00:02:38,867 - Wow, it's like a time capsule. - Yeah. 33 00:02:39,037 --> 00:02:42,529 Oh, just think, she's gonna be watching that video on a TV... 34 00:02:42,708 --> 00:02:46,075 ...that hasn't even been invented yet... 35 00:02:46,244 --> 00:02:49,805 ...with friends who, right now, are just, like, babies. 36 00:02:49,981 --> 00:02:53,849 And they'll be living in a floating city that the humans built... 37 00:02:54,019 --> 00:02:55,646 ...to escape the ant people. 38 00:02:58,056 --> 00:03:00,354 That's the hope. 39 00:03:01,860 --> 00:03:04,488 - So is Emma awake yet? - No, it's still naptime. 40 00:03:04,663 --> 00:03:06,426 - But she'll be up soon. - Where's Joey? 41 00:03:06,598 --> 00:03:08,828 I said, it's still naptime. 42 00:03:10,268 --> 00:03:13,203 - Hey, there's Uncle Joey. - Hey. 43 00:03:13,371 --> 00:03:16,363 Hey, say something to Emma on her 1 8th birthday. 44 00:03:18,243 --> 00:03:21,212 - Eighteen, huh? - Joey, no! 45 00:03:21,379 --> 00:03:24,940 What? What? It's for her hot friends. 46 00:03:25,117 --> 00:03:27,244 When they see this, you'll be 52. 47 00:03:27,419 --> 00:03:30,616 And starting to think about settling down. 48 00:03:30,789 --> 00:03:34,190 Joey, will you please set this up for people to put Emma's presents on? 49 00:03:34,760 --> 00:03:36,318 Love to. Yeah. 50 00:03:38,163 --> 00:03:41,428 - We were supposed to bring presents? - Yeah. I wrote Emma a song. 51 00:03:41,600 --> 00:03:43,864 Oh, yeah. How was I supposed to know? 52 00:03:44,035 --> 00:03:47,300 - Joey, it's a birthday party. - Yeah, but for a 1 -year-old. 53 00:03:47,506 --> 00:03:52,068 What's the point? The other day she laughed for an hour at a cup. 54 00:03:52,244 --> 00:03:56,078 Just a cup with a picture of Elmo on it, dressed as a farmer. 55 00:03:56,248 --> 00:04:01,948 And he's standing next to this cow, and the cow says, "El-moo." 56 00:04:05,323 --> 00:04:09,316 Man, that's a funny cup. 57 00:04:11,663 --> 00:04:13,255 - Hey. - Hey. 58 00:04:13,431 --> 00:04:16,298 - Where's the birthday girl? - Oh, she's still napping. 59 00:04:16,468 --> 00:04:21,371 She was probably up all night excited about the party she knows is happening. 60 00:04:21,540 --> 00:04:25,408 I know you guys really want to get to Vermont, and this isn't a big deal to you. 61 00:04:25,577 --> 00:04:29,604 But it really is to us, okay? Emma will never have a first birthday again. 62 00:04:30,081 --> 00:04:31,912 You're right. We're sorry. 63 00:04:32,083 --> 00:04:34,347 Let's wake up Emma and get the fun time started! 64 00:04:34,553 --> 00:04:37,147 She didn't sleep well last night, so we can't wake her. 65 00:04:37,322 --> 00:04:39,722 Are you frigging kidding me, Greene? 66 00:04:43,628 --> 00:04:46,188 - Hi! - Hey! 67 00:04:46,364 --> 00:04:49,629 - I'm so glad you came. - I can't believe Emma's already 1. 68 00:04:49,801 --> 00:04:52,031 I remember your first birthday. 69 00:04:52,204 --> 00:04:55,173 Ross was jealous of all the attention we were giving you. 70 00:04:55,340 --> 00:04:58,434 He pulled on his testicles so hard... 71 00:04:58,610 --> 00:05:01,579 ...we had to take him to the emergency room. 72 00:05:04,950 --> 00:05:07,680 There's something you didn't know about your dad. 73 00:05:08,854 --> 00:05:11,755 Hey, Mr. And Mrs. Geller. Let me help you with that. 74 00:05:11,923 --> 00:05:15,017 - Thank you. - Oh, man, this is great, huh? 75 00:05:15,193 --> 00:05:18,754 The three of us together again. You know what would be fun? 76 00:05:18,930 --> 00:05:23,390 If we gave this present to Emma from all of us. 77 00:05:25,303 --> 00:05:26,861 Which one are you? 78 00:05:32,277 --> 00:05:36,407 - I can't believe Emma's still asleep. - I know. What are we gonna do? 79 00:05:37,649 --> 00:05:39,446 I've got a plan. I've got a plan. 80 00:05:39,651 --> 00:05:44,088 I'm going to ram this platter really hard into your ribs. 81 00:05:45,357 --> 00:05:48,588 You're gonna scream out, and that'll wake her up. 82 00:05:49,561 --> 00:05:51,893 I'm not going to Vermont with this Monica. 83 00:05:53,164 --> 00:05:54,927 Hey, Pheebs? You know what? 84 00:05:55,100 --> 00:05:57,000 I was thinking since you wrote a song... 85 00:05:57,168 --> 00:06:00,103 ...maybe I could do something for Emma using my talents. 86 00:06:00,272 --> 00:06:02,866 So you're gonna hit on her? 87 00:06:04,509 --> 00:06:07,535 No, no, no. My talents as an actor. 88 00:06:07,712 --> 00:06:09,839 You know, I could, like, maybe.... 89 00:06:10,015 --> 00:06:13,314 I could do a dramatic reading of one of her books. 90 00:06:13,485 --> 00:06:16,750 Or you could stick a fork in an apple. 91 00:06:17,155 --> 00:06:20,522 - Hey, I think Emma might like it. - Oh, Emma might like what? 92 00:06:20,692 --> 00:06:23,252 - My present. - What did you get her? 93 00:06:23,428 --> 00:06:26,192 - We prepared performances. - Separate performances. 94 00:06:26,364 --> 00:06:28,594 But equally real. 95 00:06:28,767 --> 00:06:30,701 That sounds like fun. 96 00:06:30,869 --> 00:06:35,602 People are getting a little antsy waiting for Emma to wake up from her nap. 97 00:06:35,774 --> 00:06:38,140 So would you mind performing them once now? 98 00:06:38,310 --> 00:06:39,902 - Sure, yeah! - Okay. 99 00:06:40,078 --> 00:06:43,639 Okay. All right. Everybody, let's get this party started. 100 00:06:43,815 --> 00:06:46,750 Joey and Phoebe are gonna perform a little something for us. 101 00:06:46,918 --> 00:06:48,579 Oh, great. 102 00:06:48,753 --> 00:06:51,586 Aren't you gonna be embarrassed having nothing prepared? 103 00:06:51,756 --> 00:06:56,386 I do it every week with three cameras pointed at me and a whole crew waiting. 104 00:06:57,796 --> 00:07:00,162 So, Joey, what are you gonna do for us? 105 00:07:00,332 --> 00:07:04,564 I will be doing a dramatic reading of one of Emma's books. 106 00:07:04,736 --> 00:07:08,035 Oh, okay. Which one? 107 00:07:08,206 --> 00:07:10,970 Well, it's one of her favorites. 108 00:07:12,110 --> 00:07:16,809 "Riding the Storm Out: Coping With Postpartum Depression." 109 00:07:20,719 --> 00:07:22,414 Love You Forever. 110 00:07:24,990 --> 00:07:30,826 "Love You Forever, by Robert Munsch. Published by Firefly Books. Printed... 111 00:07:30,996 --> 00:07:32,486 ...in Mexico. 112 00:07:38,203 --> 00:07:41,900 A mother held her new baby and very slowly rocked him... 113 00:07:42,073 --> 00:07:47,101 ...back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. 114 00:07:47,278 --> 00:07:52,682 And while she held him, she sang, 'I'll love you forever. 115 00:07:52,851 --> 00:07:56,947 I'll like you for always. As long as I'm living... 116 00:07:57,122 --> 00:08:00,091 ...my baby you'll be."' 117 00:08:00,492 --> 00:08:02,517 "And while he rocked her, he sang: 118 00:08:02,694 --> 00:08:07,757 'I'll love you forever. I'll like you for always. 119 00:08:07,932 --> 00:08:09,991 As long as I'm living... 120 00:08:10,168 --> 00:08:13,535 ...my baby you'll be."' 121 00:08:14,973 --> 00:08:17,168 Oh, wow! 122 00:08:17,909 --> 00:08:19,342 That was amazing. 123 00:08:19,511 --> 00:08:22,446 Thank you so much for that gift. 124 00:08:23,281 --> 00:08:26,478 I was not ready for this today. 125 00:08:28,053 --> 00:08:30,647 - Amazing. Amazing. - Phoebe, I'm sorry. 126 00:08:30,822 --> 00:08:33,518 - Phoebe has prepared something as well. - That's right. 127 00:08:33,691 --> 00:08:37,593 I prepared a song for Emma, from my heart to hers. 128 00:08:37,796 --> 00:08:42,426 For there's no greater gift than the gift of music. 129 00:08:46,504 --> 00:08:50,634 Emma Your name poses a dilemma 130 00:08:50,809 --> 00:08:53,073 'Cause not much else rhymes with "Emma" 131 00:08:53,244 --> 00:08:57,180 Maybe the actor Richard Crenna He played the commanding officer in Rambo 132 00:08:57,382 --> 00:09:00,909 Happy birthday, Emma 133 00:09:06,191 --> 00:09:08,284 Is that it? 134 00:09:08,460 --> 00:09:10,621 No, of course not. 135 00:09:10,829 --> 00:09:14,856 No, I've also, you know, prepared a reading. 136 00:09:16,468 --> 00:09:20,564 "Sex and the Single Mother." 137 00:09:21,106 --> 00:09:24,337 - "Finding your G-spot." - Oh, no, no, no! 138 00:09:26,044 --> 00:09:28,638 Hello, Emma. Happy 1 8th birthday. 139 00:09:28,847 --> 00:09:31,975 Right now, that seems so far away, 17 years. 140 00:09:32,150 --> 00:09:37,144 Yes. You'll be all grown up by then, and we'll be.... 141 00:09:37,355 --> 00:09:39,755 Well, your grandfather and l might not be here. 142 00:09:39,924 --> 00:09:42,324 That's true. This message could be coming to you... 143 00:09:42,494 --> 00:09:45,088 ...from beyond the grave, Emma. 144 00:09:45,263 --> 00:09:51,065 - After all, my parents died very young. - And my cholesterol's off the charts. 145 00:09:53,138 --> 00:09:56,301 Remember, Emma, heart disease kills women too. 146 00:09:56,474 --> 00:10:00,274 Okay, cut! Great. Great. That was just.... 147 00:10:00,445 --> 00:10:02,640 - Yeah. - Oh, good. 148 00:10:02,814 --> 00:10:05,305 Ross, don't forget to get a shot of Emma's cake. 149 00:10:05,483 --> 00:10:07,474 - It's in a box in the fridge. - Okay, sure. 150 00:10:07,652 --> 00:10:11,782 You're gonna love this cake. I got it from a bakery in New Jersey, Carino's. 151 00:10:11,956 --> 00:10:15,255 Oh, my God, that place has the creamiest frosting! 152 00:10:15,426 --> 00:10:17,690 I used to hitchhike there when I was a kid. 153 00:10:19,998 --> 00:10:23,297 Well, anyway, they make these great novelty cakes... 154 00:10:23,468 --> 00:10:27,905 ...in all different shapes. And if you give them a photo, they'll copy it in icing. 155 00:10:28,072 --> 00:10:32,372 - Did you do a picture of Emma? - Yes. On a cake shaped like a bunny. 156 00:10:32,544 --> 00:10:36,378 Rach? Does this bakery by any chance also bake... 157 00:10:36,548 --> 00:10:38,106 ...erotic cakes? 158 00:10:39,884 --> 00:10:42,011 Say, for bachelorette parties? 159 00:10:42,187 --> 00:10:45,315 Ross, what are you talking--? Oh, my God! 160 00:10:45,490 --> 00:10:47,890 They put my baby's face on a penis! 161 00:10:51,062 --> 00:10:53,826 Now it's a party! 162 00:10:54,666 --> 00:10:56,634 Wait, you guys, this isn't funny. 163 00:10:56,801 --> 00:11:00,134 If I wanted this cake to be a disaster, I would have baked it myself! 164 00:11:01,639 --> 00:11:04,472 Is it okay that I still think it looks delicious? 165 00:11:07,145 --> 00:11:10,979 - Jack, look at this. - I know what you're thinking, Judy. 166 00:11:11,149 --> 00:11:14,414 The resemblance is uncanny. 167 00:11:17,088 --> 00:11:20,580 I am this close to tugging on my testicles again. 168 00:11:22,694 --> 00:11:25,492 Ironically, that was the Maxim thing. 169 00:11:27,465 --> 00:11:30,593 No, no, this is not what I ordered, okay? 170 00:11:30,768 --> 00:11:34,704 I went all the way to New Jersey so that I could have the perfect cake... 171 00:11:34,906 --> 00:11:38,842 ...for my daughter's birthday. And I need a bunny cake right now! 172 00:11:39,010 --> 00:11:42,878 Ask them if it would be faster if we cut the baby's face off the penis... 173 00:11:43,047 --> 00:11:45,709 ...so we could put it on the bunny. 174 00:11:45,917 --> 00:11:48,511 That is a weird sentence. 175 00:11:49,554 --> 00:11:52,990 Oh, believe you me, I am going to bring this cake back. 176 00:11:53,157 --> 00:11:55,455 I don't even want it in my home. Don't touch it! 177 00:11:55,627 --> 00:11:57,618 I'm so confused! 178 00:11:58,830 --> 00:12:02,288 Yes, I still want my daughter's picture, but on a bunny cake! 179 00:12:02,467 --> 00:12:04,992 Yellow cake, chocolate frosting with nuts! 180 00:12:05,169 --> 00:12:07,000 To be fair, this one does have nuts. 181 00:12:14,245 --> 00:12:16,611 Mon, it was nice of you to loan Rachel your car... 182 00:12:16,781 --> 00:12:20,114 - ...so she could get the cake. - It was nice of her to pull my hair... 183 00:12:20,285 --> 00:12:21,912 ...till I dropped the key. 184 00:12:22,820 --> 00:12:26,051 Well, while we're waiting, you could tape your message to Emma... 185 00:12:26,224 --> 00:12:29,682 ...for her 1 8th birthday, huh? Okay? 186 00:12:29,861 --> 00:12:32,591 Hi, Emma. It's the year 2020. 187 00:12:32,764 --> 00:12:34,629 Are you still enjoying your nap? 188 00:12:38,069 --> 00:12:40,469 We're Aunt Monica and Uncle Chandler, by the way. 189 00:12:40,638 --> 00:12:41,969 You may not recognize us... 190 00:12:42,140 --> 00:12:45,632 ...because we haven't spoken to your parents in 17 years. 191 00:12:45,810 --> 00:12:47,141 We used to be married. 192 00:12:47,312 --> 00:12:51,146 But then we missed a weekend away together, and things kind of unraveled... 193 00:12:51,316 --> 00:12:53,807 ...because of you. 194 00:12:53,985 --> 00:12:57,512 - Happy birthday. - Thanks. Another good one. 195 00:12:57,689 --> 00:13:01,455 I can't believe I taped over my Big Brother audition for this. 196 00:13:02,727 --> 00:13:05,093 Ross, Rachel promised it would be over by now. 197 00:13:05,263 --> 00:13:07,754 We seriously have to go if we want to get to Vermont. 198 00:13:07,932 --> 00:13:12,096 - The last train leaves in a half-hour. - And I have a massage client soon. 199 00:13:12,270 --> 00:13:14,864 You guys, just, please, a little bit longer. 200 00:13:15,039 --> 00:13:17,701 I promise, Rachel will be back with the cake any minute. 201 00:13:17,875 --> 00:13:21,436 Monica, remember the frosting, huh? 202 00:13:21,612 --> 00:13:23,944 All right, five more minutes. 203 00:13:26,384 --> 00:13:27,976 Hello? 204 00:13:28,186 --> 00:13:30,154 Oh, no, what happened? 205 00:13:30,321 --> 00:13:33,085 Okay, okay, where are you? 206 00:13:33,257 --> 00:13:35,384 Okay, I'll be right there. 207 00:13:35,560 --> 00:13:37,152 Was that Emma? Is she up? 208 00:13:38,463 --> 00:13:40,363 Rachel got pulled over for speeding. 209 00:13:40,531 --> 00:13:42,965 She forgot her license. I have to bring it to her. 210 00:13:43,167 --> 00:13:48,195 - If you're leaving, I'm definitely going. - Wait, if anybody gets to go, it's us! 211 00:13:48,373 --> 00:13:50,568 We've been complaining the longest! 212 00:13:51,376 --> 00:13:54,106 No, wait, you guys. No, you can't leave. 213 00:13:54,278 --> 00:13:56,712 Rachel already feels bad that the cake's messed up. 214 00:13:56,881 --> 00:14:00,009 How do you think she'll feel when she comes back and you're gone? 215 00:14:00,184 --> 00:14:02,778 I don't know. You'll tell us on Monday. 216 00:14:04,222 --> 00:14:07,919 Joey, you're in charge, okay? You make sure nobody leaves. 217 00:14:08,092 --> 00:14:09,992 Got it! 218 00:14:11,229 --> 00:14:13,197 Hey! Where do you think you're going? 219 00:14:13,364 --> 00:14:14,729 To the bathroom. 220 00:14:14,899 --> 00:14:19,336 Well, the rest of you get comfortable, because we are gonna be here for a-- 221 00:14:19,504 --> 00:14:24,703 - Wait, there's a window in there. - No! He's not getting away that easy! 222 00:14:25,743 --> 00:14:29,110 What are you doing? Get the hell out of here! 223 00:14:35,420 --> 00:14:38,480 Well, that one did not have Emma's face on it. 224 00:14:38,656 --> 00:14:40,351 - No, it did not. - No. 225 00:14:41,526 --> 00:14:43,619 Well, we'd better get going. It's late. 226 00:14:43,795 --> 00:14:47,287 Jack can't drive at night anymore. He has trouble staying in his lane. 227 00:14:47,465 --> 00:14:51,424 Last winter I went up on a church lawn and drove right through a manger scene. 228 00:14:51,602 --> 00:14:53,968 The papers thought it was a hate crime. 229 00:14:57,942 --> 00:15:00,467 - Anyway, it was lovely seeing you. - Okay. 230 00:15:00,645 --> 00:15:02,806 - Bye. Bye, dear. - Nighty-night. 231 00:15:02,980 --> 00:15:05,175 - Nighty-night. - Bye. 232 00:15:05,349 --> 00:15:07,943 - How could you just let them leave? - Hey, hey, hey. 233 00:15:08,119 --> 00:15:12,021 I'm not gonna mess with Jack. He's a great man. He fought for our country. 234 00:15:12,190 --> 00:15:15,591 No, he didn't. He pretended to be a Quaker to get out of Korea. 235 00:15:17,261 --> 00:15:22,198 Well, that's it. He's the last one to go. I'm locking you guys in. 236 00:15:22,366 --> 00:15:25,893 You do know I can just turn them the other way around, right? 237 00:15:26,070 --> 00:15:28,561 Oh, I forgot you used to live here. 238 00:15:33,845 --> 00:15:36,405 - Hello? - Joey, it's Estelle. 239 00:15:36,581 --> 00:15:39,812 - Hey. - So how'd your audition go today? 240 00:15:39,984 --> 00:15:43,283 - What audition? - The one I told you about last week. 241 00:15:43,454 --> 00:15:46,582 What? You never said anything about an audition. 242 00:15:49,327 --> 00:15:53,855 Let me start over. I just got a call about an audition. 243 00:15:54,699 --> 00:15:56,633 I think you can still make it. 244 00:15:56,801 --> 00:16:00,794 It's down at the Astor Theater, and you need to have a monologue prepared. 245 00:16:01,172 --> 00:16:03,732 A monologue? I don't have a-- 246 00:16:06,911 --> 00:16:09,106 I got it. 247 00:16:10,181 --> 00:16:12,274 So I'm gonna take off. 248 00:16:12,450 --> 00:16:15,078 - What? - No, wait! You don't get to leave. 249 00:16:15,253 --> 00:16:18,347 I've got a massage client waiting outside my door any minute. 250 00:16:18,523 --> 00:16:21,515 And we paid for a room that we're supposed to be in right now! 251 00:16:21,726 --> 00:16:23,216 Well, okay, now... 252 00:16:23,394 --> 00:16:25,862 ...only one of us has to stay with Emma. 253 00:16:26,597 --> 00:16:29,361 Okay, and as the person who realized that, I get to go. 254 00:16:29,534 --> 00:16:31,468 No, no, no. No. No. 255 00:16:31,636 --> 00:16:34,537 Let's figure out a fair way to decide who's staying. 256 00:16:34,705 --> 00:16:36,730 Oh, I got it. 257 00:16:36,908 --> 00:16:39,968 Okay, everyone pick a number from one to 10, all right? 258 00:16:40,144 --> 00:16:42,669 Whoever gets the highest number gets to go first. 259 00:16:44,916 --> 00:16:47,282 - Okay, 10. - Okay, Monica picks 10. I call nine. 260 00:16:47,451 --> 00:16:48,816 Anyone else? 261 00:16:50,388 --> 00:16:52,652 - No, let's just draw straws. - Okay. 262 00:16:52,857 --> 00:16:55,155 Or we could flip a coin and multiply the answer-- 263 00:16:55,326 --> 00:16:57,886 - I'm begging you to stop. - Right. 264 00:16:58,062 --> 00:17:01,554 Okay, how about this? We got wind-up toys for Emma. 265 00:17:01,732 --> 00:17:05,133 We can make them race, and whoever comes in last stays. 266 00:17:05,303 --> 00:17:07,567 Yeah, let's do that! 267 00:17:07,738 --> 00:17:10,639 That sounds more fun than the thing we were gonna do in Vermont! 268 00:17:11,008 --> 00:17:14,637 - Okay, everybody, pick your toys! - Okay. I want the dolphin! 269 00:17:14,812 --> 00:17:17,940 - That's a bear! - I'm too excited! 270 00:17:18,549 --> 00:17:21,484 Phoebe, you get the bear. Joey, you get the robot. 271 00:17:21,652 --> 00:17:23,677 - Oh, yeah. - And Chandler and I get the dog. 272 00:17:23,888 --> 00:17:28,291 And the race is going to go from here to here. 273 00:17:28,459 --> 00:17:31,690 Now, the one who comes in last stays! 274 00:17:31,862 --> 00:17:34,023 Okay, ladies and gentlemen, wind your toys. 275 00:17:34,198 --> 00:17:38,430 - Okay. On your mark, get set, go! - Go! Go! 276 00:17:38,603 --> 00:17:40,969 Come on, robot! 277 00:17:42,173 --> 00:17:45,506 What are you barking at? 278 00:17:50,448 --> 00:17:52,814 Well, how is that gonna help? 279 00:17:53,184 --> 00:17:57,018 I bought you! How did I forget that that's all you do? 280 00:17:57,288 --> 00:17:59,518 Way to go, robot! 281 00:17:59,824 --> 00:18:02,349 Good job, Alan. 282 00:18:02,693 --> 00:18:05,093 - Hey, good race, you guys. - Yeah, see you later. 283 00:18:05,262 --> 00:18:07,253 No. No, no. Wait. 284 00:18:07,431 --> 00:18:08,898 We didn't lose. 285 00:18:09,266 --> 00:18:13,600 The rules clearly stated that the last one to cross the finish line was the loser. 286 00:18:13,771 --> 00:18:16,968 Well, our dog never crossed the finish line. So technically-- 287 00:18:17,141 --> 00:18:19,109 They left. 288 00:18:24,548 --> 00:18:27,676 There isn't time to go to the bakery. We're gonna come home. 289 00:18:28,152 --> 00:18:30,518 Everybody left? 290 00:18:31,389 --> 00:18:36,452 All right. Well, just tell Emma that we'll be there as soon as we can. Bye. 291 00:18:37,395 --> 00:18:39,329 - Rachel! - Oh, God, sorry! 292 00:18:39,497 --> 00:18:42,955 I can't believe they gave you a ticket. You're such a good driver. 293 00:18:44,702 --> 00:18:48,069 - Emma's awake. - Yeah? 294 00:18:48,239 --> 00:18:49,900 I can't believe this. 295 00:18:50,074 --> 00:18:53,532 This is her first birthday, she's awake, we're not even there. 296 00:18:53,711 --> 00:18:56,942 Everybody left. We still have this stupid obscene cake. 297 00:18:57,114 --> 00:19:00,675 Hey, maybe I can fix that. You know, try to turn it into something else. 298 00:19:00,851 --> 00:19:03,513 Oh, don't even bother. 299 00:19:03,688 --> 00:19:06,122 We've already ruined her first birthday. 300 00:19:06,290 --> 00:19:10,522 And do you know how important these early experiences are, Ross? Very! 301 00:19:10,695 --> 00:19:13,721 According to the back cover of that book that you gave me. 302 00:19:14,899 --> 00:19:17,265 Rach, she's not gonna remember this. 303 00:19:18,869 --> 00:19:20,530 I guess. 304 00:19:21,405 --> 00:19:27,037 Oh, I just had such an idea of what this day would be like, you know? 305 00:19:27,211 --> 00:19:29,372 Emma laughing... 306 00:19:29,547 --> 00:19:33,711 ...and everybody gathered around her cake, singing "Happy Birthday." 307 00:19:33,884 --> 00:19:38,719 And then we would all-- Hey, get out of the road, you stupid student driver! 308 00:19:40,091 --> 00:19:41,422 They have to learn. 309 00:19:44,328 --> 00:19:45,727 - Hey. - What? 310 00:19:45,896 --> 00:19:47,989 This is not bad. 311 00:19:48,165 --> 00:19:52,966 Oh, my God. Look, you made it into a bunny. How did you do that? 312 00:19:53,137 --> 00:19:56,197 Well, I just made these two things cheeks. 313 00:19:58,242 --> 00:20:01,734 And then I split this to make ears. 314 00:20:02,279 --> 00:20:04,543 Well, I am very impressed. 315 00:20:04,715 --> 00:20:06,580 Some can sing, some can dance. 316 00:20:06,751 --> 00:20:10,312 I, apparently, can turn phallic cakes into woodland creatures. 317 00:20:12,656 --> 00:20:17,093 Now, another way to organize your stuffed animals is by size. 318 00:20:17,261 --> 00:20:20,321 I'm sorry, is this a game for Emma or for Monica? 319 00:20:21,499 --> 00:20:23,160 Game? 320 00:20:23,334 --> 00:20:27,703 Emma, do you even know it's your birthday today? You're 1. 321 00:20:27,872 --> 00:20:30,670 One year old. That's little. 322 00:20:33,577 --> 00:20:35,772 That's my girl. 323 00:20:36,580 --> 00:20:38,946 That's how old you are. 324 00:20:39,116 --> 00:20:42,552 Did I teach her that? Did I just impart wisdom? 325 00:20:45,089 --> 00:20:46,716 I want one. 326 00:20:47,992 --> 00:20:49,983 Me too. 327 00:20:54,765 --> 00:20:58,223 There's no one around. Why don't we just take this one? 328 00:20:58,803 --> 00:21:00,828 - And head to Canada. - I was kidding. 329 00:21:01,005 --> 00:21:02,495 I wasn't. Let's get going. 330 00:21:04,308 --> 00:21:07,209 - Hey, are Ross and Rachel back? - No, not yet. 331 00:21:07,378 --> 00:21:11,075 - Oh, good, I didn't miss the party. - What about your massage client? 332 00:21:11,248 --> 00:21:16,208 I just felt so bad missing this. So I just slipped him a little something, you know. 333 00:21:16,387 --> 00:21:19,584 As long as I'm back in five or six hours, it'll be all right. 334 00:21:21,659 --> 00:21:23,092 Okay. 335 00:21:23,260 --> 00:21:27,526 If Ross and Rachel ask, I've been here the whole time. The whole time. 336 00:21:28,599 --> 00:21:31,090 I've been here the whole time. 337 00:21:31,669 --> 00:21:35,662 Joey, we just saw you come in. You ran past us on the stairs. 338 00:21:36,674 --> 00:21:40,735 I don't care that you left. I'm just glad that you're here. Thanks, you guys. 339 00:21:41,178 --> 00:21:43,669 Hey, guys, come on. You gotta see what Emma just did. 340 00:21:43,848 --> 00:21:46,112 - What? - Emma, how old are you? 341 00:21:46,283 --> 00:21:48,080 How old are you today? 342 00:21:51,922 --> 00:21:55,085 Emma, that's right. You're that many. 343 00:21:55,259 --> 00:21:58,023 Oh, my God, our daughter's a genius. 344 00:21:59,230 --> 00:22:00,993 - This means-- - No! No science camp! 345 00:22:01,165 --> 00:22:05,761 Damn it! I'll put a candle on the cake. 346 00:22:05,936 --> 00:22:11,806 Oh, and, Emma, look at your stuffed animals lined up so neatly. 347 00:22:12,076 --> 00:22:13,941 Thanks. 348 00:22:14,111 --> 00:22:17,376 Okay, here we go. 349 00:22:17,748 --> 00:22:22,082 Emma's first birthday cake. 350 00:22:22,953 --> 00:22:24,750 Go ahead, Emma, blow out the candle. 351 00:22:24,922 --> 00:22:27,516 Come on, Emma. You can do it. 352 00:22:27,691 --> 00:22:30,785 - What's wrong? Are you okay? - Oh, yeah, nothing. 353 00:22:30,961 --> 00:22:33,521 These are happy tears. 354 00:22:33,697 --> 00:22:35,995 This is just what I wanted. 355 00:22:37,735 --> 00:22:39,464 Hey, you made it into a bunny. 356 00:22:41,605 --> 00:22:45,063 What is wrong with me? It looked more delicious when it was a penis. 357 00:22:50,381 --> 00:22:52,042 - Okay, you ready? - Yeah. 358 00:22:52,216 --> 00:22:54,707 - And record. - Okay. 359 00:22:54,885 --> 00:22:57,251 Big Brother audition. Take one. 360 00:22:57,421 --> 00:22:59,912 I guess you could say I'm kind of a player. 361 00:23:00,090 --> 00:23:02,081 Okay. Let's-- 362 00:23:02,860 --> 00:23:05,954 - Let's just try that again. - Okay. 363 00:23:07,531 --> 00:23:11,900 Hi, Emma. Well, your first birthday is over, and-- 364 00:23:12,069 --> 00:23:14,196 Go! Go! Come on! 365 00:23:14,371 --> 00:23:16,839 Go! Go! Come on! 366 00:23:17,007 --> 00:23:21,239 Go! Go, Alan! Run, you hairy bastard!