1 00:00:10,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Sync by BloodLogic 2 00:00:13,922 --> 00:00:16,482 Somebody need to talk to the man, you know what I mean? 3 00:00:16,524 --> 00:00:19,755 I'm so happy you called me. He's just moping around? 4 00:00:19,794 --> 00:00:21,489 I mean, we all are really worried about him, man. 5 00:00:21,529 --> 00:00:23,827 This Cheryl thing's got him crazy. 6 00:00:23,865 --> 00:00:25,924 This Cheryl thing's got him twisted, man, for real. 7 00:00:25,967 --> 00:00:28,834 He's up there moping, man. Mopy Dick, that's what he is. 8 00:00:28,870 --> 00:00:30,861 - Moby Dick. - No, Mopy Dick. 9 00:00:30,905 --> 00:00:33,601 - No, it's called Moby Dick. - Who's fucking Moby Dick? 10 00:00:33,641 --> 00:00:35,734 "Moby Dick" is the book by Melville. 11 00:00:35,777 --> 00:00:37,540 - Who's fucking Moby Dick? - Where did you hear Moby Dick from? 12 00:00:37,579 --> 00:00:38,910 Mopy Dick, man. His dick is moping. 13 00:00:38,947 --> 00:00:41,177 - Oh, literally Mopy Dick? - Yeah, Mopy Dick. 14 00:00:41,216 --> 00:00:44,185 Okay, let's go up and get his mopy-ass dick out of bed. 15 00:00:44,219 --> 00:00:46,187 - Let's go. - I like the way you operate, man. 16 00:00:46,221 --> 00:00:49,247 You know what I mean? You're straightforward. I like that shit. 17 00:00:50,692 --> 00:00:52,387 What? 18 00:00:52,427 --> 00:00:54,622 - Gotta come in? - Coming in, man. 19 00:00:56,731 --> 00:00:58,824 - Hey, what's going on? - I don't know. 20 00:00:58,867 --> 00:01:01,461 - I fucked up my life. - How did you fuck up your life? 21 00:01:01,503 --> 00:01:04,233 - What did you do? - With Cheryl. 22 00:01:04,272 --> 00:01:06,240 - Oh, Cheryl. - Oh, man, this Cheryl shit again. 23 00:01:06,274 --> 00:01:07,468 Come on, man. 24 00:01:07,509 --> 00:01:10,672 The stupid call from the plane-- I didn't-- 25 00:01:10,712 --> 00:01:12,270 You were busy with the TiVo guy. 26 00:01:12,313 --> 00:01:15,476 Busy with the TiVo guy. Yeah, I was busy with the TiVo guy. 27 00:01:15,517 --> 00:01:17,508 Your brain is all fucking discombobulated, man. 28 00:01:17,552 --> 00:01:19,042 You need to focus on some ass. 29 00:01:19,087 --> 00:01:22,716 I'm just never gonna meet anybody like her again, ever ever. 30 00:01:22,757 --> 00:01:25,555 I'm not disputing that, but you've got to meet somebody else. 31 00:01:25,593 --> 00:01:28,289 - You've got to move on. - There's nobody that compares to her. 32 00:01:28,329 --> 00:01:30,194 I can't even imagine being with anybody else. 33 00:01:30,231 --> 00:01:32,495 Listen, man, you've got to get out there and do stuff. 34 00:01:32,534 --> 00:01:34,798 Get down there and get breakfast. What are you doing? 35 00:01:34,836 --> 00:01:37,304 Is she going to Sammie's bat mitzvah? 36 00:01:37,338 --> 00:01:38,805 Yeah, she's coming to the bat mitzvah. 37 00:01:38,840 --> 00:01:40,808 She's bringing that guy too. 38 00:01:42,677 --> 00:01:45,771 What do you want me to do? We didn't pick sides. 39 00:01:45,814 --> 00:01:48,180 I can't believe I've got to see her with this guy 40 00:01:48,216 --> 00:01:50,309 - at Sammie's bat mitzvah. - Well, who are you gonna bring? 41 00:01:50,351 --> 00:01:52,148 - Nobody. - You've got to bring somebody. 42 00:01:52,187 --> 00:01:54,587 Bring somebody? Who am I gonna bring? 43 00:01:54,622 --> 00:01:57,056 You're not gonna find her here, lying like this. Come on. 44 00:01:57,091 --> 00:01:58,786 Yeah, you gotta find somebody, man. 45 00:01:58,827 --> 00:02:01,057 - I'm not a good dater. I can't date. - Why can't you date? 46 00:02:01,095 --> 00:02:03,655 You're not comfortable in your Larry shell right now. 47 00:02:03,698 --> 00:02:05,928 You've got to become another motherfucker right now. 48 00:02:05,967 --> 00:02:08,094 Larry, grow a mustache, man. Grow a goatee, 49 00:02:08,136 --> 00:02:10,764 a mustache, grow sideburns. Become another motherfucker, man. 50 00:02:10,805 --> 00:02:13,171 - You feel me? - It's not bad advice. 51 00:02:13,208 --> 00:02:16,268 It's not bad advice. But anything to get your ass out of bed. 52 00:02:16,311 --> 00:02:18,279 Get your ass out of-- wh--? 53 00:02:18,313 --> 00:02:19,803 - What was that? - What are you doing? 54 00:02:19,848 --> 00:02:21,713 You've got bedbugs? What's going on? 55 00:02:21,749 --> 00:02:23,876 Oh, nothing. Just a little uncomfortable. 56 00:02:23,918 --> 00:02:27,183 - Listen, I did my part. Get your ass up. - Okay, thanks. 57 00:02:27,222 --> 00:02:29,122 - I've got to go to work, all right? - Thanks, yeah. 58 00:02:29,157 --> 00:02:31,318 - I'll see you later. - Good work, man. 59 00:02:31,359 --> 00:02:34,522 Hey, I'll get him up. Hey, man, let's roll, L.D. 60 00:02:34,562 --> 00:02:37,929 Come on downstairs, man. The family wants to talk to you a little bit. 61 00:02:37,966 --> 00:02:40,730 - All right, I'm turning over a new leaf. - Yeah, come on downstairs. 62 00:02:40,768 --> 00:02:42,895 - That's it. No more of this shit. - We want to talk to you. 63 00:02:42,937 --> 00:02:45,201 - Okay, no more. - Yeah, get out. Let's get your shit together. 64 00:02:45,240 --> 00:02:47,174 - I'm getting it together. - Yeah, think about that beard shit. 65 00:02:47,208 --> 00:02:48,675 - Okay, all right. - Think about that mustache. 66 00:02:50,979 --> 00:02:52,947 Look who I found. 67 00:02:52,981 --> 00:02:54,812 - Hey. - Hey, L.D.! 68 00:02:54,849 --> 00:02:56,544 - How are you doing? - Yeah. 69 00:02:56,584 --> 00:02:58,984 - Eh, I think okay. I think I'll be all right. - Good. 70 00:02:59,020 --> 00:03:00,419 - I'm fine. - Good. 71 00:03:00,455 --> 00:03:02,082 You know what? My mind is made up. 72 00:03:02,123 --> 00:03:04,853 - I am forgetting about her as of now. - Okay. 73 00:03:04,893 --> 00:03:07,225 - That's what I'm talking about. - As of now. 74 00:03:07,262 --> 00:03:09,890 - L.D., you're gonna be fine, trust me. - It's a new day. 75 00:03:09,931 --> 00:03:11,899 He'll be the last man standing. 76 00:03:11,933 --> 00:03:14,458 So what's going on? What do you want to talk to me about? 77 00:03:14,502 --> 00:03:15,833 Loretta, you want to...? 78 00:03:15,870 --> 00:03:18,168 Um, our house is ready 79 00:03:18,206 --> 00:03:21,039 and we're gonna go home. 80 00:03:22,677 --> 00:03:24,907 Yeah yeah. The lady called today. 81 00:03:24,946 --> 00:03:26,846 - We're out for real. - We are. 82 00:03:26,881 --> 00:03:28,872 - We're not kidding you. We're out. - No, for real. 83 00:03:28,917 --> 00:03:30,612 - He's speechless. I can't believe it. - Well... 84 00:03:30,652 --> 00:03:32,916 I am speechless. 85 00:03:32,954 --> 00:03:34,819 - You too? - I'm out of here too. 86 00:03:34,856 --> 00:03:37,416 I've got a little boo down there I'ma holla at. 87 00:03:37,458 --> 00:03:40,325 I know it looked like we weren't gonna ever get out of here, though, 88 00:03:40,361 --> 00:03:42,556 - but... - Well... 89 00:03:42,597 --> 00:03:44,531 - you gotta go-- you gotta go. - Yeah. 90 00:03:44,565 --> 00:03:45,998 - We're gonna miss you, though. - We are. 91 00:03:46,034 --> 00:03:47,729 You can always come visit now. 92 00:03:47,769 --> 00:03:50,203 Eh, let's not go crazy. 93 00:03:50,238 --> 00:03:52,331 - My gerbil's gone. - What? 94 00:03:52,373 --> 00:03:55,399 - My gerbil's gone. - What do you mean your gerbil's gone? 95 00:03:55,443 --> 00:03:57,604 Well, come on. Let's go find it. 96 00:03:57,645 --> 00:03:59,545 - Chill out. We're cool. - Chill out? 97 00:03:59,580 --> 00:04:02,708 There's a gerbil running amok in my house. Come on, help me find it. 98 00:04:05,153 --> 00:04:07,621 Okay, thank you. 99 00:04:07,655 --> 00:04:09,384 - Hey, Larry. - Yeah. 100 00:04:09,424 --> 00:04:12,052 - The building manager just called. - Yeah? 101 00:04:12,093 --> 00:04:14,857 In the next few days somebody's gonna come 102 00:04:14,896 --> 00:04:16,864 and look at that office across from you. 103 00:04:16,898 --> 00:04:19,162 - Are you kidding? - No. 104 00:04:19,200 --> 00:04:22,226 Oh, I dreaded this day. I don't want anybody 105 00:04:22,270 --> 00:04:23,862 moving in across the hall. 106 00:04:23,905 --> 00:04:26,100 You know, we have privacy here. 107 00:04:26,140 --> 00:04:27,937 I know. Larry, there's nothing I can do. 108 00:04:27,976 --> 00:04:30,103 We're not gonna have control of the thermostat. 109 00:04:30,144 --> 00:04:32,112 - That's right, it's in there. - Yeah, it's in there. 110 00:04:32,146 --> 00:04:33,579 Why don't we take that office then? 111 00:04:33,614 --> 00:04:36,048 I'm not gonna pay for an office I'm not using. 112 00:04:36,084 --> 00:04:38,552 Well, somebody's gonna take it if you don't take it. 113 00:04:38,586 --> 00:04:40,986 How do you stop somebody from renting it? 114 00:04:41,022 --> 00:04:43,081 That's what I want to know. 115 00:04:43,124 --> 00:04:45,957 How are you? 116 00:04:45,994 --> 00:04:48,485 - You know, I feel a little better today. - Do you? 117 00:04:48,529 --> 00:04:50,292 - I've been pretty depressed. - You seem better. You look good. 118 00:04:50,331 --> 00:04:52,561 Yeah, I feel better. I'm feeling like I'm ready, 119 00:04:52,600 --> 00:04:54,830 but I hate being single. I just hate it. 120 00:04:54,869 --> 00:04:57,201 - I know, Larry. I'm sorry. - I want to meet somebody. 121 00:04:57,238 --> 00:05:00,537 I swear to God, I can get married again in a month if I could. 122 00:05:00,575 --> 00:05:04,067 Oh, Larry. Larry David, you are a romantic. 123 00:05:04,112 --> 00:05:06,012 Am I? Do you think I am? 124 00:05:06,047 --> 00:05:08,242 Oh, I forgot. Matt Tessler called and said, 125 00:05:08,282 --> 00:05:10,216 "Hey, I'm in the building. I thought I'd drop by." 126 00:05:10,251 --> 00:05:12,617 - He's in the building? - Yeah. 127 00:05:12,653 --> 00:05:14,587 He said he knows you, "Seinfeld" days. 128 00:05:14,622 --> 00:05:16,886 Yeah, he directed four "Seinfelds." 129 00:05:16,924 --> 00:05:18,789 He was terrible, though. He was a terrible director. 130 00:05:18,826 --> 00:05:20,623 - Oh, I remember Matt. - What does he want? 131 00:05:20,661 --> 00:05:23,926 Lewis is doing a pilot now, and I'll bet he wants me to recommend him. 132 00:05:23,965 --> 00:05:26,957 - You know, he's got the son... - Oh my gosh, that's right. 133 00:05:27,001 --> 00:05:28,866 ...who's got the muscular issues. 134 00:05:28,903 --> 00:05:30,165 M.S. or M.D. or...? 135 00:05:30,204 --> 00:05:32,468 I don't know. There's something. 136 00:05:32,507 --> 00:05:34,099 I could say that you had to leave, 137 00:05:34,142 --> 00:05:36,110 - you had an important meeting. - Eh... 138 00:05:36,144 --> 00:05:39,602 - Larry David. Larry David, how ya doing? - Hey, Matt Tessler! 139 00:05:39,647 --> 00:05:42,275 - We were just talking about you. - Good to see you. 140 00:05:42,316 --> 00:05:45,149 Hey, Matt, what's going on? Nice to see you. How are you? 141 00:05:45,186 --> 00:05:47,177 - You're well? You look good. - Yeah. 142 00:05:47,221 --> 00:05:49,519 - You look pretty good yourself. - Oh, thanks, thanks. 143 00:05:49,557 --> 00:05:51,787 - Yeah, I'm doing okay, doing okay. - Look at this. 144 00:05:51,826 --> 00:05:53,589 - Working my ass off, yeah. - Nice. 145 00:05:53,628 --> 00:05:55,596 I'm just, you know-- I'm kind of stuck 146 00:05:55,630 --> 00:05:58,155 - in a dramedy ghetto. - Really? 147 00:05:58,199 --> 00:06:00,861 Well, I did the cancer scare episode of "Home lmprovement," 148 00:06:00,902 --> 00:06:04,668 - so I got typed as this guy who does ticker. - Oh, Jeez. 149 00:06:04,705 --> 00:06:06,673 Now they want me to do all the teardrop stuff. 150 00:06:06,707 --> 00:06:09,039 I want to get back to the funny, to the shtoomy. 151 00:06:09,077 --> 00:06:12,012 - The shtoomy, yeah. - Are you and Richard Lewis still tight? 152 00:06:12,046 --> 00:06:15,675 - Is there any way you can just give him a--? - I'm really not... 153 00:06:15,716 --> 00:06:17,877 - You're not tight anymore? - Not really tight. 154 00:06:17,919 --> 00:06:20,149 'Cause they're floating my name to direct his pilot 155 00:06:20,188 --> 00:06:21,746 and I just would love to be in on that. 156 00:06:21,789 --> 00:06:23,984 Well, if I run into him, I'll, you know-- 157 00:06:24,025 --> 00:06:26,755 Yeah, if I had a recommendation from you, though, 158 00:06:26,794 --> 00:06:28,762 that would mean that I'd have a shot at this. 159 00:06:28,796 --> 00:06:31,788 The sitcom-- you know, I'd come in at 9:00-10:00, 160 00:06:31,833 --> 00:06:34,358 - I'd get a chance to see my son in the morning... - It's a great-- 161 00:06:34,402 --> 00:06:37,030 ...l'd get a chance to see him at night. So anything you could do 162 00:06:37,071 --> 00:06:40,438 to recommend me to Richard would be just great. 163 00:06:40,475 --> 00:06:43,638 Yeah, I'll-- I'll recommend you. 164 00:06:43,678 --> 00:06:45,578 - Bless your heart. Bless your heart. - Yeah. 165 00:06:45,613 --> 00:06:48,810 Hey, Larry, do you still have that tickle in your anus? 166 00:06:48,850 --> 00:06:51,011 I cannot get you an appointment for two weeks. 167 00:06:51,052 --> 00:06:53,384 What? 168 00:06:54,989 --> 00:06:57,184 Are you experiencing discomfort? 169 00:06:57,225 --> 00:07:00,786 Tickle in my-- what is she talking about? What are you talking about? 170 00:07:00,828 --> 00:07:02,887 - Where did you get that from? - That's nothing to joke around about. 171 00:07:02,930 --> 00:07:04,090 Who were you trying to get an appointment with? 172 00:07:04,132 --> 00:07:05,963 - Rosenberg. - Rosenberg is a good man. 173 00:07:06,000 --> 00:07:08,093 I've got a better one. Pencil. 174 00:07:08,136 --> 00:07:10,604 Call this man-- Dr. Jay Whitney. 175 00:07:10,638 --> 00:07:14,005 My wife's cousin Kai-- she runs the office. 176 00:07:14,041 --> 00:07:16,475 - Oh, she does? - She can open all the doors, 177 00:07:16,511 --> 00:07:18,445 and not just the back one, you know what I mean? 178 00:07:18,479 --> 00:07:20,208 Seriously, she can get you in today. 179 00:07:20,248 --> 00:07:21,840 - Yeah. - You don't have to think about it. 180 00:07:21,883 --> 00:07:24,283 It's nice of you, but there's really nothing wrong. 181 00:07:24,318 --> 00:07:26,252 Why did you say I have a tickle in my anus? 182 00:07:26,287 --> 00:07:29,381 Are you fucking crazy, huh? A tickle in my anus? 183 00:07:29,423 --> 00:07:31,220 - She's just looking out for you. - Why did you say that? 184 00:07:31,259 --> 00:07:32,624 I don't have a tickle. Who said that? 185 00:07:32,660 --> 00:07:34,389 Look, I gotta go. I gotta go. 186 00:07:34,428 --> 00:07:36,328 Look, I think I've given you the wrong impression. 187 00:07:36,364 --> 00:07:39,265 - Larry's anus is fine. - Shut the fuck up, okay? 188 00:07:39,300 --> 00:07:41,165 Shut the fuck up! Sorry. 189 00:07:41,202 --> 00:07:43,602 All I'm saying is, don't take any chances here, okay? 190 00:07:43,638 --> 00:07:45,538 - This is serious, all right? - Yeah, no. 191 00:07:45,573 --> 00:07:47,336 - Good, 'cause I care about you-- - Yeah, thanks. 192 00:07:47,375 --> 00:07:49,240 - --not just 'cause-- - Good to see you. 193 00:07:49,277 --> 00:07:50,938 - And you. - I'm gonna call Richie right now. 194 00:07:50,978 --> 00:07:52,673 - Thanks, Ant-- - Antoinette. 195 00:07:52,713 --> 00:07:54,305 - Yeah. - I'll take care of that. 196 00:07:54,348 --> 00:07:57,078 - Okay, thank you, Larry. Thanks so much. - Okay. 197 00:08:01,155 --> 00:08:03,123 Hi, it's Richard. Leave a message. 198 00:08:03,157 --> 00:08:05,182 Hey, Richard, it's Larry. 199 00:08:05,226 --> 00:08:07,194 Matt Tessler just asked me 200 00:08:07,228 --> 00:08:09,093 to recommend him for your pilot... 201 00:08:09,130 --> 00:08:11,462 ...so this is me calling 202 00:08:11,499 --> 00:08:13,763 to recommend-- 203 00:08:13,801 --> 00:08:15,826 "recommend" him. 204 00:08:15,870 --> 00:08:18,634 So in case he ever asks you 205 00:08:18,673 --> 00:08:21,972 if I recommended him, you can tell him 206 00:08:22,009 --> 00:08:24,273 that in fact I did 207 00:08:24,312 --> 00:08:27,304 recommend him. 208 00:08:27,348 --> 00:08:29,213 All right, I'll talk to you later. 209 00:08:32,620 --> 00:08:34,588 - Hi. - Hi. 210 00:08:34,622 --> 00:08:36,886 Just sign in, please, and have a seat. 211 00:08:36,924 --> 00:08:38,516 Shouldn't be too long. 212 00:08:38,559 --> 00:08:40,993 I have a little problem with this-- 213 00:08:42,863 --> 00:08:44,660 these sign-in sheets, you know. 214 00:08:44,699 --> 00:08:47,224 My name's right out in the open here. 215 00:08:47,268 --> 00:08:50,431 It's a bit of a privacy issue. 216 00:08:50,471 --> 00:08:53,133 There's no shame in having to come 217 00:08:53,174 --> 00:08:54,971 to the gastroenterologist's office. 218 00:08:55,009 --> 00:08:56,840 It's a little embarrassing maybe, you know. 219 00:08:56,877 --> 00:08:59,107 We could just put a sign up on the wall saying, 220 00:08:59,146 --> 00:09:02,172 "Larry David was here." Why don't we do that? 221 00:09:02,216 --> 00:09:03,843 You know, I have to tell you 222 00:09:03,884 --> 00:09:05,283 I've worked here for four years 223 00:09:05,319 --> 00:09:07,014 and I've never had anyone come in 224 00:09:07,054 --> 00:09:09,579 and, like, cruise the list of patient names 225 00:09:09,624 --> 00:09:11,216 for any reason. 226 00:09:11,259 --> 00:09:14,558 What if you are in charge of this, okay, 227 00:09:14,595 --> 00:09:16,290 so this is down here? You keep that. 228 00:09:16,330 --> 00:09:17,957 I don't like that. First of all, 229 00:09:17,999 --> 00:09:19,728 I only get paid $9 an hour, 230 00:09:19,767 --> 00:09:21,962 so it's a little more responsibility than I'm used to, 231 00:09:22,003 --> 00:09:23,436 to keep track of patients. 232 00:09:23,471 --> 00:09:25,598 Second of all, I can't even make decisions. 233 00:09:25,640 --> 00:09:27,232 You have to take it up with the home office. 234 00:09:27,275 --> 00:09:29,971 I would like to take it up with the home office. See, you didn't think 235 00:09:30,011 --> 00:09:32,445 - I was gonna take you up on that. - No, I did think you were. 236 00:09:32,480 --> 00:09:35,449 - You strike me as that type. - Well, things like this interest me. 237 00:09:35,483 --> 00:09:38,884 I'm not an inventor, but I'm an improver. 238 00:09:38,919 --> 00:09:40,819 I improve things that are broken. 239 00:09:40,855 --> 00:09:42,482 This is broken. This system is broken. 240 00:09:42,523 --> 00:09:44,150 I'd like to improve it. 241 00:09:44,191 --> 00:09:46,853 Great. I'm assuming you're a new patient, 242 00:09:46,894 --> 00:09:48,555 'cause I think I would have remembered you. 243 00:09:48,596 --> 00:09:50,826 - So please fill that out. - Okay. 244 00:09:54,635 --> 00:09:57,365 What would you do if I sat there, huh? 245 00:09:57,405 --> 00:10:00,431 You'd be a little freaked out if I sat there, wouldn't you, honestly? 246 00:10:00,474 --> 00:10:03,443 - A little bit. A little bit. - I think a lot. 247 00:10:03,477 --> 00:10:05,468 Yeah, that's a little creepy. 248 00:10:05,513 --> 00:10:06,707 What are you reading? 249 00:10:06,747 --> 00:10:09,011 It is called "Showbiz Insider." 250 00:10:09,050 --> 00:10:11,712 - Really? - I like to feel like an insider when-- 251 00:10:11,752 --> 00:10:14,949 - Pretty heady stuff. Wow. - Yes, very heady stuff. 252 00:10:14,989 --> 00:10:17,116 Many are called. Few are chosen. 253 00:10:17,158 --> 00:10:19,558 You must be very very bright. 254 00:10:19,593 --> 00:10:21,720 Yes. 255 00:10:21,762 --> 00:10:23,923 Where are you from, New York? 256 00:10:23,964 --> 00:10:25,932 - I'm picking up an accent. - Yeah. 257 00:10:25,966 --> 00:10:28,161 Yeah. You from New York? 258 00:10:28,202 --> 00:10:29,567 Yeah. 259 00:10:31,305 --> 00:10:33,398 But I'm not a Jew, if that's what you're thinking. 260 00:10:34,809 --> 00:10:36,970 'Cause I saw your wheels spinning. 261 00:10:37,011 --> 00:10:40,777 That's uncanny. It's like there's a window into my soul 262 00:10:40,815 --> 00:10:42,339 and you can just really read me. 263 00:10:42,383 --> 00:10:44,146 I read you loud and clear, sister. 264 00:10:44,185 --> 00:10:46,653 - Yes. - Yeah. 265 00:10:46,687 --> 00:10:48,314 Are you okay, by the way? Do you have any-- 266 00:10:48,356 --> 00:10:51,154 you have some terrible medical problem that brought you here? 267 00:10:51,192 --> 00:10:53,592 I'm fine. Checkup. 268 00:10:53,627 --> 00:10:56,528 - Checkup? - Mmm. 269 00:10:56,564 --> 00:10:58,964 Hmm, really? 270 00:10:58,999 --> 00:11:00,660 You? 271 00:11:00,701 --> 00:11:02,293 - Checkup. - Really? 272 00:11:02,336 --> 00:11:04,566 - Yeah. - Huh. 273 00:11:04,605 --> 00:11:07,005 - How about that? - Let me ask you a question: 274 00:11:07,041 --> 00:11:08,941 did you ever go out with a bald guy? 275 00:11:10,544 --> 00:11:12,671 - Yeah. - How did you find it? 276 00:11:12,713 --> 00:11:14,305 It was magical. 277 00:11:14,348 --> 00:11:16,441 - Yeah? See? - Yes. 278 00:11:16,484 --> 00:11:19,612 How am I doing on the flirt so far? 279 00:11:19,653 --> 00:11:21,621 - How would you assess it? - Um... 280 00:11:21,655 --> 00:11:24,146 - Pretty good? - I'm-- well, 7.5. 281 00:11:24,191 --> 00:11:25,988 - 7.5? Really? - 7.5, yeah. 282 00:11:26,026 --> 00:11:28,494 - You're tough. - Larry David? 283 00:11:28,529 --> 00:11:29,894 - You're up. - All right. 284 00:11:29,930 --> 00:11:32,125 Well, they have called for me. 285 00:11:32,166 --> 00:11:33,599 Larry? 286 00:11:33,634 --> 00:11:36,728 I guess I'll go in for my checkup. 287 00:11:37,838 --> 00:11:40,432 - Checkup. - Nice talking to you. 288 00:11:40,474 --> 00:11:41,998 Good luck. 289 00:11:43,677 --> 00:11:45,201 So long. 290 00:11:47,481 --> 00:11:49,449 Hello, Mr. David. How are you? 291 00:11:49,483 --> 00:11:51,678 - Good. - Good. All right. 292 00:11:51,719 --> 00:11:54,279 Oh, you know my cousin Matt Tessler. 293 00:11:54,321 --> 00:11:55,788 Oh, Matt's your cousin? Oh, yeah. 294 00:11:55,823 --> 00:11:57,757 Oh, right. Oh, thank you for this... 295 00:11:57,792 --> 00:11:59,316 Yeah, sure sure sure. 296 00:11:59,360 --> 00:12:01,385 So let me ask you, Mr. David, 297 00:12:01,429 --> 00:12:03,260 why are you here to see the doctor? 298 00:12:03,297 --> 00:12:05,891 Um... 299 00:12:05,933 --> 00:12:08,299 I'd just as soon tell the doctor. 300 00:12:08,335 --> 00:12:10,803 It's okay. I've got to take all the information first 301 00:12:10,838 --> 00:12:13,500 and I give it to the doctor. So why don't you tell me the reason you're here? 302 00:12:13,541 --> 00:12:15,475 I know, but if the doctor's gonna come in here, 303 00:12:15,509 --> 00:12:17,568 why not just tell the doctor? I don't see why 304 00:12:17,611 --> 00:12:19,977 I need to tell you and-- then you have to tell the doctor. 305 00:12:20,014 --> 00:12:22,448 - Well... - Why not just tell him directly? 306 00:12:22,483 --> 00:12:24,542 I'm going to New York. Why am I stopping off in Florida? 307 00:12:24,585 --> 00:12:27,281 Mm-hmm. Policy is that I take the information down first 308 00:12:27,321 --> 00:12:29,721 and I give it to him. He'll come in and go over this. 309 00:12:29,757 --> 00:12:31,554 So he'll have it all written down. 310 00:12:31,592 --> 00:12:33,287 He won't have to go through all of the questions again. 311 00:12:33,327 --> 00:12:35,522 - This whole thing is askew, your system. - Mm-hmm. 312 00:12:35,563 --> 00:12:37,929 The doctor should be in here right now. We could be saving time. 313 00:12:37,965 --> 00:12:39,660 He's got other patients that he's dealing with, 314 00:12:39,700 --> 00:12:42,567 so what I'm here-- I pretty much cut the time in half with him. 315 00:12:42,603 --> 00:12:44,969 Cut the time in half? So you intercept him in the hall? 316 00:12:45,005 --> 00:12:46,802 He's gonna get the information and then what, 317 00:12:46,841 --> 00:12:48,900 run to the internet to look it up? No. 318 00:12:48,943 --> 00:12:51,810 - He's gonna hear it from you. - Doctors and nurses work hand in hand. 319 00:12:51,846 --> 00:12:54,076 I just need the information. If you could just give it to me-- 320 00:12:54,114 --> 00:12:56,309 I'm not that comfortable telling you, frankly. 321 00:12:56,350 --> 00:12:58,113 I need to take it down before I can leave. 322 00:12:58,152 --> 00:13:01,781 Okay, I have a gerbil up my ass. 323 00:13:01,822 --> 00:13:04,791 That's my problem. 324 00:13:07,328 --> 00:13:10,058 How long has it been there? 325 00:13:10,097 --> 00:13:13,157 Two days. 326 00:13:15,002 --> 00:13:17,061 Okay, thank you. The doctor will be right with you. 327 00:13:17,104 --> 00:13:19,095 Fine. Happy? 328 00:13:22,176 --> 00:13:23,973 - Mr. David. - Hello, Doctor. 329 00:13:24,011 --> 00:13:25,979 - Larry, nice to see you. - Okay. 330 00:13:26,013 --> 00:13:27,981 I was wondering if you could tell me 331 00:13:28,015 --> 00:13:30,506 what seems to be the problem. 332 00:13:44,665 --> 00:13:46,860 Hey, what happened-- 333 00:13:46,901 --> 00:13:48,766 what happened to the sign-in sheet? 334 00:13:48,802 --> 00:13:51,134 Oh, I called our corporate headquarters 335 00:13:51,171 --> 00:13:52,968 off your suggestion and they loved it. 336 00:13:53,007 --> 00:13:55,498 - So there's a new policy. - What? 337 00:13:55,543 --> 00:13:57,511 It's private, just like you wanted. 338 00:13:57,545 --> 00:13:59,604 No no no, I don't want that. 339 00:13:59,647 --> 00:14:03,048 You're listening to me? I don't know what I'm talking about. 340 00:14:03,083 --> 00:14:05,074 Put the sign-in sheet back on. 341 00:14:05,119 --> 00:14:07,280 - I can't. No. - What? 342 00:14:07,321 --> 00:14:08,788 You can't see this now. 343 00:14:11,725 --> 00:14:13,886 First of all, I've got to tell you something, 344 00:14:13,928 --> 00:14:15,896 - okay? - Yes. 345 00:14:15,930 --> 00:14:17,898 I want to apologize 346 00:14:17,932 --> 00:14:20,127 for the way I behaved earlier. 347 00:14:20,167 --> 00:14:22,135 Mr. David, 348 00:14:22,169 --> 00:14:24,501 you don't have to play games with me. 349 00:14:24,538 --> 00:14:26,096 - I don't? - No. 350 00:14:26,140 --> 00:14:28,870 Are you looking for Christopher? 351 00:14:28,909 --> 00:14:30,570 No. 352 00:14:30,611 --> 00:14:33,102 - Andrew? - Keep going. 353 00:14:33,147 --> 00:14:34,307 Paula? 354 00:14:34,348 --> 00:14:36,009 Aha. 355 00:14:36,050 --> 00:14:38,644 - You cannot tell. I could get fired. - No no no, never. 356 00:14:38,686 --> 00:14:41,154 - No no no no. - I have no formal education. 357 00:14:41,188 --> 00:14:43,247 - No no no no no. - Okay. 358 00:14:43,290 --> 00:14:45,758 Be careful. 359 00:14:45,793 --> 00:14:47,818 - Thank you. - She looks like a live wire. 360 00:14:50,164 --> 00:14:52,132 - You called her? - Yeah. 361 00:14:52,166 --> 00:14:54,600 So where are you going to take her on a date? 362 00:14:54,635 --> 00:14:56,159 I'm gonna take her to the movies maybe. 363 00:14:56,203 --> 00:14:58,137 That's great. 364 00:14:58,172 --> 00:15:00,140 The question is, why was she at that-- 365 00:15:00,174 --> 00:15:02,142 what kind of doctor was that again? 366 00:15:02,176 --> 00:15:04,303 - Mm, gastroenterologist. - So what was she doing there? 367 00:15:04,345 --> 00:15:05,778 - That's the question. - Oh my God. 368 00:15:05,813 --> 00:15:07,405 Why was she there? I don't know. 369 00:15:07,448 --> 00:15:09,416 I hope she doesn't have the same thing I do. 370 00:15:09,450 --> 00:15:11,441 Well, that's a good thing. It'll go away. 371 00:15:11,485 --> 00:15:13,009 Yeah. 372 00:15:13,053 --> 00:15:14,520 Let me ask you a question: 373 00:15:14,555 --> 00:15:17,080 How much will you give me to start gargling now? 374 00:15:17,124 --> 00:15:19,285 - 50 bucks. - You'll give me 50 bucks? 375 00:15:19,326 --> 00:15:20,953 - 50 bucks. - Take it out of your pocket. 376 00:15:20,995 --> 00:15:23,054 Mm-hmm. Mmm. 377 00:15:23,097 --> 00:15:25,395 Just do it. What, you don't trust me? 378 00:15:27,701 --> 00:15:30,534 Here you go. 379 00:15:32,106 --> 00:15:34,131 - I just got 50 bucks. - No, now that doesn't count. 380 00:15:34,174 --> 00:15:36,165 - No, you can't do that. - No, what are you talking about? 381 00:15:36,210 --> 00:15:38,678 I would have paid that happily. It was so enjoyable. 382 00:15:38,712 --> 00:15:42,443 It was so enjoyable and you ruined it with "I just got 50 bucks." 383 00:15:42,483 --> 00:15:45,077 Let me ask you a question: Tessler's still one of your clients? 384 00:15:45,119 --> 00:15:47,451 Yeah. He's coming to the bat mitzvah. 385 00:15:47,488 --> 00:15:49,251 You know who else is coming to the bat mitzvah? 386 00:15:49,289 --> 00:15:50,881 My newest client John Legend. 387 00:15:50,924 --> 00:15:53,688 He's a huge R&B singer. 388 00:15:53,727 --> 00:15:55,217 I have no idea who this guy is. 389 00:15:55,262 --> 00:15:57,196 - Do you know who anyone is? - No. 390 00:15:57,231 --> 00:15:58,960 When was the last time 391 00:15:58,999 --> 00:16:00,694 - you bought an album? - 1972? 392 00:16:00,734 --> 00:16:03,259 - '72? So you know no one. - No, I know nothing. 393 00:16:03,303 --> 00:16:05,669 Anyhow, he's my client now. He's coming 394 00:16:05,706 --> 00:16:08,072 to the bat mitzvah. He's gonna sing. 395 00:16:08,108 --> 00:16:10,406 Well, maybe I'll bring this woman. 396 00:16:10,444 --> 00:16:13,038 You know, if we get along tonight, I'm gonna ask her. 397 00:16:13,080 --> 00:16:15,480 'Cause you gotta bring somebody. Cheryl's coming with that guy. 398 00:16:15,516 --> 00:16:17,313 - You gotta be there with somebody. - Absolutely. 399 00:16:17,351 --> 00:16:19,319 Why don't we double-date tonight? 400 00:16:19,353 --> 00:16:21,514 You know what? Susie and I were talking about going to the movies. 401 00:16:21,555 --> 00:16:22,783 You're kidding. Let's do it. 402 00:16:22,823 --> 00:16:24,154 Perfect. I can check her out. 403 00:16:29,196 --> 00:16:31,187 I haven't dated in a while. Who pays? 404 00:16:31,231 --> 00:16:34,029 - You pay. - Don't be ridiculous. You pay. 405 00:16:34,068 --> 00:16:35,831 - I do? - Yes, you pay. 406 00:16:35,869 --> 00:16:38,099 - Larry's not used to dating. - Clearly, yes. 407 00:16:38,138 --> 00:16:40,606 - No, I haven't dated in a long time. - No, a long time. 408 00:16:40,641 --> 00:16:44,202 What do I do? Am I allowed to hold hands during the mo--? 409 00:16:44,244 --> 00:16:46,542 - I don't know if there's rules-- - Is there a rule? 410 00:16:46,580 --> 00:16:50,243 Excuse me. 411 00:16:50,284 --> 00:16:52,252 Thank you. 412 00:16:52,286 --> 00:16:54,447 Hi. 413 00:16:54,488 --> 00:16:58,686 One movie. 414 00:16:58,726 --> 00:17:00,717 Thank you. 415 00:17:04,998 --> 00:17:07,558 - Don't you want to sit on the aisle? - No. 416 00:17:07,601 --> 00:17:09,899 - I was being nice. - Center's better. 417 00:17:09,937 --> 00:17:12,269 Center? Why? You think there's a big difference 418 00:17:12,306 --> 00:17:13,933 - over there from here? - Yes, this is good. 419 00:17:13,974 --> 00:17:16,033 As long as a giant man doesn't sit 420 00:17:16,076 --> 00:17:18,271 - in front of me. - Or a giant woman. 421 00:17:19,313 --> 00:17:21,178 - Oh my God. - What? 422 00:17:21,215 --> 00:17:23,183 This guy. That's the guy 423 00:17:23,217 --> 00:17:25,515 who walked past the line to get his ticket before. 424 00:17:25,552 --> 00:17:27,349 - Oh, yeah. - Pete! 425 00:17:27,387 --> 00:17:28,877 - Look at him. - I think it is. 426 00:17:28,922 --> 00:17:31,015 Oh my God. He was faking. 427 00:17:31,058 --> 00:17:32,491 - Are you kidding me? - No. 428 00:17:32,526 --> 00:17:34,494 That's really good. 429 00:17:34,528 --> 00:17:36,393 - Oh my God. - Holy shit. 430 00:17:36,430 --> 00:17:38,295 I gotta take my hat off to him. 431 00:17:38,332 --> 00:17:40,800 I gotta tell ya, that's pretty good. 432 00:18:02,055 --> 00:18:03,215 Are you okay? 433 00:18:03,257 --> 00:18:05,122 Yeah, I'm fine. 434 00:18:05,159 --> 00:18:07,059 Why? Why are you asking me that? 435 00:18:07,094 --> 00:18:09,085 No reason. 436 00:18:14,868 --> 00:18:16,836 Everything okay with you? 437 00:18:16,870 --> 00:18:18,838 Yeah, fine. 438 00:18:18,872 --> 00:18:20,032 Are you sure? 439 00:18:20,073 --> 00:18:22,268 Yeah. Why shouldn't it be? 440 00:18:22,309 --> 00:18:24,277 It's just you're squirming a lot. 441 00:18:24,311 --> 00:18:25,676 You're squirming more than I am. 442 00:18:25,712 --> 00:18:27,043 Well, my seat is uncomfortable. 443 00:18:27,080 --> 00:18:28,741 Yeah, my seat's uncomfortable too. 444 00:18:28,782 --> 00:18:31,182 I know. We're in agreement. 445 00:18:31,218 --> 00:18:33,118 Why did you say you went 446 00:18:33,153 --> 00:18:34,916 to that gastroenterologist's again? 447 00:18:34,955 --> 00:18:36,752 - I was there for a checkup. - A checkup? 448 00:18:36,790 --> 00:18:38,883 - Yes. Why do you keep asking me that? - I've never heard 449 00:18:38,926 --> 00:18:41,394 of anybody going to a gastroenterologist for a checkup. 450 00:18:41,428 --> 00:18:43,396 - Oh, really? - Yeah. 451 00:18:43,430 --> 00:18:45,398 That's what you were doing there. 452 00:18:45,432 --> 00:18:47,696 - Is that what I said? - Yes, that's what you said. 453 00:18:51,038 --> 00:18:53,905 Honestly, I'm just really kind of bored with this movie. 454 00:18:55,776 --> 00:18:57,073 It's not so bad. 455 00:18:57,110 --> 00:18:59,840 I really want to go. Can we go? 456 00:18:59,880 --> 00:19:01,575 Please. 457 00:19:01,615 --> 00:19:03,583 Are you gonna drag me out of this movie 458 00:19:03,617 --> 00:19:05,346 with five minutes to go? That's insane. 459 00:19:05,385 --> 00:19:08,786 It's not five minutes. This is the world's worst film 460 00:19:08,822 --> 00:19:10,881 I've ever seen and I really want to go. 461 00:19:10,924 --> 00:19:12,755 Come on, five more minutes. 462 00:19:12,793 --> 00:19:15,921 What do you gain by staying? You don't care about this story. 463 00:19:15,963 --> 00:19:17,453 I finish things I start. 464 00:19:17,497 --> 00:19:19,021 Books-- they could be 500 pages, 465 00:19:19,066 --> 00:19:21,091 once I start them, even if I hate it, I'll finish it. 466 00:19:21,134 --> 00:19:23,102 I have friends who I can't stand, 467 00:19:23,136 --> 00:19:26,071 you know, for, like, 25 years. 468 00:19:26,106 --> 00:19:28,074 I'm still friends with them. 469 00:19:28,108 --> 00:19:29,871 Why? 470 00:19:29,910 --> 00:19:32,435 Because I stay to the end, till they're dead. 471 00:19:32,479 --> 00:19:34,709 I go down with the ship. That's what I do. 472 00:19:34,748 --> 00:19:36,716 I'm not even the captain, I'm going down with the ship. 473 00:19:36,750 --> 00:19:38,581 That's how I want you to think about me: 474 00:19:38,619 --> 00:19:40,587 I'm the guy who keeps the captain company. 475 00:19:43,624 --> 00:19:45,922 I can't watch this. 476 00:19:47,861 --> 00:19:50,921 Excuse me. I'm sorry. 477 00:19:50,964 --> 00:19:52,955 - Where is she going? - I don't-- 478 00:19:54,701 --> 00:19:57,397 - She was bored. - It's almost over. 479 00:19:57,437 --> 00:19:58,904 I know. I told her. 480 00:19:58,939 --> 00:20:00,566 It's five minutes to go. It's crazy. 481 00:20:00,607 --> 00:20:02,268 You'd better go out after her. 482 00:20:02,309 --> 00:20:04,368 - She's not gonna wait for you. - You don't expect 483 00:20:04,411 --> 00:20:06,709 somebody else to leave if you're walking out of the movie. 484 00:20:06,747 --> 00:20:09,841 - You don't understand women. - You don't understand etiquette. 485 00:20:09,883 --> 00:20:11,874 Fine. 486 00:20:26,934 --> 00:20:29,494 - Where is she? - She's not here. 487 00:20:29,536 --> 00:20:31,663 - Are you surprised? - Can you believe it? 488 00:20:31,705 --> 00:20:33,935 - Yeah, that's rude. - I told you she was gonna leave. 489 00:20:33,974 --> 00:20:35,965 - That was completely rude, unbelievable. - By the way, 490 00:20:36,009 --> 00:20:38,000 I timed it. There were six minutes left in that movie. 491 00:20:38,045 --> 00:20:40,673 Irrelevant, Larry. She was not gonna wait for you. 492 00:20:40,714 --> 00:20:43,114 I invested an hour and a half. I'm supposed to leave 493 00:20:43,150 --> 00:20:45,380 - with six minutes to go? - The last six minutes. That's craziness. 494 00:20:45,419 --> 00:20:47,751 So, fine. You were right and now you're alone. 495 00:20:47,788 --> 00:20:51,349 Yeah, well, she has a tickle in her anus anyway. 496 00:20:51,391 --> 00:20:54,360 - She has a tickle in her anus? - I think so. She was squirming in her seat. 497 00:20:54,394 --> 00:20:55,725 I don't wanna hear it. Let's go. 498 00:20:55,762 --> 00:20:57,559 You know what? That movie stunk, by the way. 499 00:20:57,597 --> 00:21:00,964 No, it was great. You're crazy. 500 00:21:01,001 --> 00:21:02,559 So you're not gonna go to the bat mitzvah? 501 00:21:02,602 --> 00:21:04,467 Eh, I don't want to go by myself. 502 00:21:04,504 --> 00:21:06,438 And Cheryl's gonna be there with this guy. 503 00:21:06,473 --> 00:21:08,304 So we'll get you a date-- 504 00:21:08,342 --> 00:21:11,368 my next-door neighbor. She's a belly dancer. 505 00:21:11,411 --> 00:21:13,140 She also was in Cirque du Soleil. 506 00:21:13,180 --> 00:21:14,943 Yeah, that's the one with the nose rings, right? 507 00:21:14,982 --> 00:21:17,576 - She can take 'em out. - Then there's a hole in the nose. 508 00:21:17,617 --> 00:21:19,346 We'll just cover it with makeup. 509 00:21:19,386 --> 00:21:22,378 Blech! 510 00:21:22,422 --> 00:21:24,083 Do you want any coffee? I'm gonna go get coffee. 511 00:21:24,124 --> 00:21:26,149 No, I don't want anything. 512 00:21:26,193 --> 00:21:29,492 This way. This is the one I was telling you that I think is just perfect. 513 00:21:29,529 --> 00:21:31,724 - This is great. - Yeah, available the first of the month. 514 00:21:31,765 --> 00:21:33,596 All we need is your signature on the paperwork. 515 00:21:33,633 --> 00:21:36,101 - That's great. Two months upfront? - Upfront. 516 00:21:36,136 --> 00:21:38,536 - Two parking spaces. It's all yours. - How do you heat it? 517 00:21:38,572 --> 00:21:40,802 Oh, you've got your own thermostat right there, see? 518 00:21:40,841 --> 00:21:43,810 I've got to take this. Will you excuse me for one second? 519 00:21:43,844 --> 00:21:46,745 - I'll be right back. - Sure. Yeah, okay, good. 520 00:21:47,748 --> 00:21:49,181 Hi, I'm just-- 521 00:21:49,216 --> 00:21:51,343 Hello! 522 00:21:51,385 --> 00:21:54,081 - How are you? - I'm-- I'm good. 523 00:21:54,121 --> 00:21:56,749 Are you renting the office... 524 00:21:56,790 --> 00:21:58,917 - ...next door? - I'm thinking about it. 525 00:21:58,959 --> 00:22:02,918 That's very good. We'll be friends. 526 00:22:02,963 --> 00:22:06,330 Well, you know, I'm looking at several places. 527 00:22:06,366 --> 00:22:08,561 - I should probably catch up-- - We'll go to lunch together. 528 00:22:08,602 --> 00:22:10,536 - Yeah. - Every day, every day. 529 00:22:10,570 --> 00:22:13,061 - Every day. - Every day, lunch. 530 00:22:13,106 --> 00:22:15,301 Uh, listen, you're probably busy. 531 00:22:15,342 --> 00:22:16,969 No, I'm not. I have nothing to do here. 532 00:22:17,010 --> 00:22:19,205 I've got to find the office manager. Thank you. 533 00:22:19,246 --> 00:22:21,111 Goodbye. Bye. 534 00:22:21,148 --> 00:22:23,309 I hope you rent the office. 535 00:22:23,350 --> 00:22:25,784 Larry, wh--? 536 00:22:25,819 --> 00:22:27,912 - Oh, hey. - Am I interrupting something? 537 00:22:27,954 --> 00:22:29,421 No. 538 00:22:29,456 --> 00:22:31,424 I just came by to say thanks 539 00:22:31,458 --> 00:22:33,358 for the recommendation. I got the gig. 540 00:22:33,393 --> 00:22:35,020 - You got the job? - Yeah. 541 00:22:35,062 --> 00:22:37,530 What's this about? Is this supposed to be funny? 542 00:22:37,564 --> 00:22:38,895 No no no. 543 00:22:38,932 --> 00:22:41,332 Someone was gonna rent the office next door... 544 00:22:41,368 --> 00:22:43,928 This is how you welcome him? You use some humor? 545 00:22:43,970 --> 00:22:46,734 No no no, it was a test to see if he's a tolerant person. 546 00:22:46,773 --> 00:22:48,798 And anyone who's not is no neighbor of mine. 547 00:22:48,842 --> 00:22:50,707 I know somebody who wouldn't find this funny at all. 548 00:22:50,744 --> 00:22:53,611 He's a 10-year-old boy named Max and he lives in my house-- 549 00:22:53,647 --> 00:22:55,808 - who's not gonna think that's so funny. - Oh, Jeez. 550 00:22:55,849 --> 00:22:57,817 This is what you do? You sit on your ass 551 00:22:57,851 --> 00:22:59,842 - making fun of retarded people? - Oh, come on. 552 00:22:59,886 --> 00:23:01,683 - Un-fucking-believable. - I was just, you know-- 553 00:23:01,721 --> 00:23:03,188 I'm really disappointed in you. 554 00:23:03,223 --> 00:23:05,350 I would rent an office to your son. 555 00:23:05,392 --> 00:23:07,826 My son has an office on the right hand of Jesus. 556 00:23:07,861 --> 00:23:10,421 Hey, you know what's really funny? 557 00:23:10,464 --> 00:23:13,627 A successful writer-producer who puts gerbils up his ass for fun. 558 00:23:13,667 --> 00:23:16,693 - What? What? - I talked to Kai. I talked to my cousin. 559 00:23:16,736 --> 00:23:18,931 - That's why you had to see the doctor. - Oh, that's bullshit. 560 00:23:18,972 --> 00:23:20,997 - 'Cause you have gerbils in your ass. - I made that up, you moron. 561 00:23:21,041 --> 00:23:23,100 - Why would you make that up? - Because I didn't feel 562 00:23:23,143 --> 00:23:25,373 - like telling her what was wrong with me. - That doesn't make any sense. 563 00:23:25,412 --> 00:23:28,677 And you know what? I think a lot of people would get a kick out of this. 564 00:23:28,715 --> 00:23:30,706 I really do. Fuck you, Larry. 565 00:23:30,750 --> 00:23:32,513 Let's just try it out on the street. 566 00:23:32,552 --> 00:23:34,986 - Hey, no, I made that up. - Hey, wanna hear something funny? 567 00:23:35,021 --> 00:23:36,613 Hey, you wanna hear something funny? 568 00:23:42,562 --> 00:23:45,326 So sorry. Do we still have time to do it? 569 00:23:45,365 --> 00:23:47,162 - I'm sorry. - No. I'm late now. 570 00:23:47,200 --> 00:23:49,065 - It's too late for lunch? - It's too late for lunch 571 00:23:49,102 --> 00:23:50,660 and it's too late for my career 572 00:23:50,704 --> 00:23:52,365 and you fucked me with Tessler. 573 00:23:52,405 --> 00:23:54,805 - He's not working out? - He sucks! 574 00:23:54,841 --> 00:23:56,968 - He doesn't know comedy. - I know that, I know. 575 00:23:57,010 --> 00:23:59,137 He should be selling fabrics. 576 00:23:59,179 --> 00:24:00,976 Why'd you hire him? 577 00:24:01,014 --> 00:24:02,948 How d--? You-- 578 00:24:02,983 --> 00:24:05,042 my friend of 47 years-- you recommended him. 579 00:24:05,085 --> 00:24:07,451 Oh, I recommended him? When I called you 580 00:24:07,487 --> 00:24:09,546 I told you that he asked me to recommend him... 581 00:24:09,589 --> 00:24:11,113 - What--? - ...so I'm "recommending" him. 582 00:24:11,158 --> 00:24:12,648 I put quotes around it. 583 00:24:12,692 --> 00:24:14,717 Why'd you "recommend" him, Mr. Quotehead? 584 00:24:14,761 --> 00:24:17,730 I thought that you would pick up that it was a non-recommend recommend. 585 00:24:17,764 --> 00:24:20,392 You know, life is very brief, okay? 586 00:24:20,433 --> 00:24:22,401 And you know I need a good series. 587 00:24:22,435 --> 00:24:25,666 - Is life too short? You think it's too short? - Yeah. 588 00:24:25,705 --> 00:24:28,731 - It's too short, isn't it? - But now my life is fucking way short. 589 00:24:28,775 --> 00:24:30,606 - I'm sorry. - You ruined my fucking pilot 590 00:24:30,644 --> 00:24:31,941 because of your recommendation. 591 00:24:31,978 --> 00:24:34,446 I can see if it came from a skinhead... 592 00:24:34,481 --> 00:24:36,449 - Yeah. - ...or one of Ben Laden's people. 593 00:24:36,483 --> 00:24:38,383 You call him Ben Laden or Bin Laden? 594 00:24:38,418 --> 00:24:40,113 I don't know. 595 00:24:40,153 --> 00:24:42,246 You called him Ben. That's almost like a Jewish name. 596 00:24:42,289 --> 00:24:44,086 That's true. Ben Laden does sound 597 00:24:44,124 --> 00:24:46,024 - like a shirt-maker in Manhattan. - Yes, I know. 598 00:24:46,059 --> 00:24:48,050 "Let's go to Ben Laden's. They got great collars." 599 00:24:48,094 --> 00:24:50,085 Exactly, yeah. Anyway, I'm-- 600 00:24:50,130 --> 00:24:52,064 - No-- - I'm sorry. 601 00:24:52,098 --> 00:24:54,259 Yeah, fine, fi-- 602 00:24:55,468 --> 00:24:57,265 It's true, isn't it? 603 00:24:57,304 --> 00:25:00,273 - Holy shit. - What are you talking about? 604 00:25:00,307 --> 00:25:02,104 Did you stick a gerbil up your ass? 605 00:25:02,142 --> 00:25:04,508 - 'Cause the whole fucking town-- - Are you out of your mind? 606 00:25:04,544 --> 00:25:06,512 It's all over the set. It's everywhere. 607 00:25:06,546 --> 00:25:08,514 - And I said--- - Jesus, 608 00:25:08,548 --> 00:25:11,176 this Tessler is spreading this rumor about me 609 00:25:11,218 --> 00:25:12,810 to get back at me. 610 00:25:12,852 --> 00:25:14,513 It's all over the fucking city now. 611 00:25:14,554 --> 00:25:16,351 It's gonna be on the internet too. 612 00:25:16,389 --> 00:25:18,357 It's everywhere. It's everywhere. 613 00:25:19,859 --> 00:25:21,884 Jesus Christ, did you see the way that guy looked at me? 614 00:25:21,928 --> 00:25:23,919 I'm sure he probably read "Gerbil" magazine 615 00:25:23,964 --> 00:25:26,125 and you're fucking on the cover. 616 00:25:26,166 --> 00:25:28,293 Holy shit. 617 00:25:28,335 --> 00:25:32,237 You know, I do have a tickle in my anus. 618 00:25:32,272 --> 00:25:34,240 Oh, really? 619 00:25:34,274 --> 00:25:36,538 - Yeah. - I gotta split. 620 00:25:40,447 --> 00:25:42,438 Hi, Carol. 621 00:25:43,583 --> 00:25:45,551 Carol, 622 00:25:45,585 --> 00:25:47,485 it's not true. 623 00:25:48,888 --> 00:25:50,981 ...some crazy shit. 624 00:25:51,024 --> 00:25:52,992 - It's missing. And you hear this shit. - Leon! 625 00:25:53,026 --> 00:25:55,392 Leon, I don't really think he would do something like that. 626 00:25:55,428 --> 00:25:57,089 - I don't think-- - You don't know, Loretta. 627 00:25:57,130 --> 00:25:59,394 Think about it. Look, the gerbil's missing, right? 628 00:25:59,432 --> 00:26:01,525 And then you hear this shit's going on. Come on now. 629 00:26:01,568 --> 00:26:03,695 Add this shit up. Add this shit up. 630 00:26:03,737 --> 00:26:06,228 Here he comes now. What's going on? What's going on, Larry? 631 00:26:06,273 --> 00:26:09,174 The gerbil got on the elevator, hit "up" and went up your asshole? 632 00:26:09,209 --> 00:26:11,643 - Is that what happened? - Leon! 633 00:26:11,678 --> 00:26:14,977 I can't believe that this thing has already gotten to this house, 634 00:26:15,015 --> 00:26:17,313 - that you would accuse me of that. - Larry, where's the gerbil? 635 00:26:17,350 --> 00:26:19,716 - I got your back. I don't think you did it. - Thank you. 636 00:26:19,753 --> 00:26:21,380 I didn't even want that thing in the house, 637 00:26:21,421 --> 00:26:23,651 - much less put it up my ass, okay? - Let him out, Larry. 638 00:26:23,690 --> 00:26:26,750 So, wait a minute. Are you saying you didn't do that? 639 00:26:26,793 --> 00:26:29,125 Absolutely. Of course not. Come on, that's insane. 640 00:26:29,162 --> 00:26:31,187 That's what I thought. 641 00:26:31,231 --> 00:26:33,028 I'm still sick about the fact that that thing is 642 00:26:33,066 --> 00:26:34,761 running around the house somewhere. 643 00:26:34,801 --> 00:26:37,201 - Yeah, all right. Whatever, man. - We're done packing. 644 00:26:37,237 --> 00:26:39,034 - All right. - All right, sweetness. 645 00:26:39,072 --> 00:26:42,064 - Hey, y'all got everything together? - Yeah, we're done. 646 00:26:42,108 --> 00:26:44,838 - All right, that's good. - You ready to roll? 647 00:26:44,878 --> 00:26:47,972 Wow, this is really happening, isn't it? 648 00:26:48,014 --> 00:26:50,107 - Oh yeah, we're about ready to bounce. - Yeah. 649 00:26:50,150 --> 00:26:51,913 - When are you going? - Tomorrow. 650 00:26:51,951 --> 00:26:54,078 - Tomorrow? - Mm-hmm. 651 00:26:54,120 --> 00:26:57,055 Can you believe it? 652 00:26:57,090 --> 00:26:59,718 - We're out of here, man. - Oh my God. 653 00:26:59,759 --> 00:27:03,354 - Wow. - It crept up on you, right? 654 00:27:03,396 --> 00:27:05,387 You're gonna miss us, Larry. 655 00:27:05,432 --> 00:27:07,059 We're gonna miss you too, Larry. 656 00:27:07,100 --> 00:27:09,000 All right, don't get my waterworks going here. 657 00:27:09,035 --> 00:27:11,162 - You know how emotional I am. - All right, okay. 658 00:27:11,204 --> 00:27:13,365 We're gonna miss you, Larry. That's deep. 659 00:27:13,406 --> 00:27:16,898 Yeah. All right, I've got to get ready for a bat mitzvah. 660 00:27:16,943 --> 00:27:19,411 - What's that? - It's a Jewish ceremony, you know. 661 00:27:19,446 --> 00:27:20,936 - Oh. - It's a big party. 662 00:27:20,980 --> 00:27:23,073 You don't wanna go with me, do you? 663 00:27:23,116 --> 00:27:26,210 - You want me to go? - Yeah, come on. 664 00:27:26,252 --> 00:27:28,550 Sure, I'll go with you, L.D. 665 00:27:28,588 --> 00:27:30,283 - Beautiful. - Yeah. 666 00:27:30,323 --> 00:27:32,257 - A bat mitzvah. - Yeah. 667 00:27:32,292 --> 00:27:35,625 My little girl is so perfect. 668 00:27:49,376 --> 00:27:52,038 - Thank you. How are you doing? - Naches to you. 669 00:27:52,078 --> 00:27:54,410 You saw the early rehearsals. When you left 670 00:27:54,447 --> 00:27:56,847 they had a run-through. The network stormed out. 671 00:27:56,883 --> 00:28:00,216 How in the fuck could my best friend recommend such an asshole? 672 00:28:00,253 --> 00:28:03,120 - Why didn't you say you didn't like him? - Any normal person 673 00:28:03,156 --> 00:28:04,953 would have picked up on what I was trying to say. 674 00:28:04,991 --> 00:28:06,982 Now I'm abnormal. Oh, now I'm not normal. 675 00:28:07,026 --> 00:28:08,994 Yeah, you are abnormal. 676 00:28:09,028 --> 00:28:11,292 You're the most abnormal, jerky nutcase 677 00:28:11,331 --> 00:28:13,162 I've ever met in my entire-- 678 00:28:13,199 --> 00:28:15,759 - you think you're more normal than me? - Fuckin'-A I am. 679 00:28:15,802 --> 00:28:17,793 I'll have a mental patient face-off with you any day. 680 00:28:17,837 --> 00:28:21,329 - Oh, really? - Larr, did you stick a gerbil up your ass? 681 00:28:21,374 --> 00:28:23,535 - Who told you that? - I'm not gonna tell you who told me. 682 00:28:23,576 --> 00:28:25,908 - It's not important. - Of course I didn't stick a gerbil up my ass! 683 00:28:25,945 --> 00:28:28,209 - Don't get so upset. - I'm upset! 684 00:28:28,248 --> 00:28:30,011 - He's telling everyone. - Yeah, he sure is. 685 00:28:30,049 --> 00:28:32,142 Oh my God. 686 00:28:38,324 --> 00:28:40,918 On behalf of my wonderful wife Susie 687 00:28:40,960 --> 00:28:43,428 and myself I want to welcome you. 688 00:28:43,463 --> 00:28:45,522 Thank you all so much for coming. 689 00:28:45,565 --> 00:28:48,033 It means a lot to us, 690 00:28:48,067 --> 00:28:50,433 a lot to Sammie, 691 00:28:50,470 --> 00:28:54,406 I can tell you that. We're very proud of her. 692 00:28:54,441 --> 00:28:56,409 I don't want to embarrass her, 693 00:28:56,443 --> 00:28:58,411 so I'm gonna keep this short and just say 694 00:28:58,445 --> 00:29:00,413 thank you from the bottom of our hearts. 695 00:29:00,447 --> 00:29:02,915 What we're gonna do right now is open it up 696 00:29:02,949 --> 00:29:05,247 to anybody who'd like to say something, 697 00:29:05,285 --> 00:29:08,186 make a toast, whatever. Come on up. 698 00:29:08,221 --> 00:29:10,621 - Yeah, I'm gonna-- - Larry. 699 00:29:10,657 --> 00:29:13,854 - I'd like to say something. - All right. 700 00:29:15,929 --> 00:29:17,658 Hey. Um... 701 00:29:17,697 --> 00:29:21,531 well, first of all, I'm so thrilled 702 00:29:21,568 --> 00:29:23,968 to be here at Sammie's bat mitzvah tonight. 703 00:29:24,003 --> 00:29:26,335 - Thank you, Larry. - This is a fantastic occasion. 704 00:29:26,372 --> 00:29:28,567 You know, I've known Sammie 705 00:29:28,608 --> 00:29:31,076 since she was born, actually. 706 00:29:31,110 --> 00:29:32,975 - I was in the hospital, remember? - Yeah. 707 00:29:33,012 --> 00:29:34,946 I was in the hospital that day 708 00:29:34,981 --> 00:29:37,711 and I saw her when she was, like, five minutes old. 709 00:29:37,750 --> 00:29:39,877 It was not a pretty sight for me. 710 00:29:39,919 --> 00:29:42,353 It was the first time I ever saw one of those things, you know. 711 00:29:42,388 --> 00:29:44,948 Um, anyway, what I really want to talk about tonight 712 00:29:44,991 --> 00:29:48,757 is that there's a guest here 713 00:29:48,795 --> 00:29:51,355 spreading a vicious, nasty, scurrilous rumor 714 00:29:51,397 --> 00:29:53,365 about me and a gerbil. 715 00:29:53,399 --> 00:29:55,196 Okay? I'm sure you've heard it. 716 00:29:55,235 --> 00:29:58,227 And there's not a word of truth to it, okay? 717 00:29:58,271 --> 00:30:01,104 He has a personal vendetta, so don't believe one word of that. 718 00:30:01,140 --> 00:30:04,405 It's not true. However, 719 00:30:04,444 --> 00:30:06,412 in the interest of full disclosure 720 00:30:06,446 --> 00:30:08,414 I will tell you that, um, 721 00:30:08,448 --> 00:30:10,279 I do have a tickle in my anus. 722 00:30:10,316 --> 00:30:14,013 And they're slightly related to each other. 723 00:30:14,053 --> 00:30:16,021 What did he say? 724 00:30:16,055 --> 00:30:18,455 The point is, it's not true. I just thought it was 725 00:30:18,491 --> 00:30:20,516 - important to say that. - That's fine, Larry. 726 00:30:20,560 --> 00:30:23,051 - it's not right that he would spread... - Thank you very much. 727 00:30:23,096 --> 00:30:25,758 - ...that vicious rumor. - Larry, thank you very much. Enough. 728 00:30:25,798 --> 00:30:28,028 What are you looking at, Tessler? 729 00:30:28,067 --> 00:30:30,331 I'll put a fist up your ass. 730 00:30:30,370 --> 00:30:32,895 How about that, huh? 731 00:30:32,939 --> 00:30:34,907 Well, um, 732 00:30:34,941 --> 00:30:37,205 if anyone else has a toast, 733 00:30:37,243 --> 00:30:39,234 something to say... 734 00:30:57,797 --> 00:30:59,788 I'll be right back. 735 00:31:03,970 --> 00:31:05,528 - Hi. - Hello. 736 00:31:05,572 --> 00:31:07,369 - How are you doing? - Nice to see you. 737 00:31:07,407 --> 00:31:09,272 - Remember Glenn? - Sure. 738 00:31:09,309 --> 00:31:11,539 - Sammie looks cute. - Yeah. 739 00:31:11,578 --> 00:31:14,775 - Very cute. She's all grown up. - Yeah, I know. 740 00:31:14,814 --> 00:31:16,782 - Oh, your underwear-- - Yes. 741 00:31:16,816 --> 00:31:19,512 - --got 'em on. - My underwear? You're in the no-fly zone? 742 00:31:19,552 --> 00:31:21,679 - I'm going right over the fence. - You're over the fence? 743 00:31:21,721 --> 00:31:23,313 - Over the fence. - Did you miss the gate? 744 00:31:23,356 --> 00:31:25,256 - Not at all. - Don't even think about the gate? 745 00:31:25,291 --> 00:31:27,816 - Don't even think about it. - That's wonderful. Thank you. 746 00:31:27,860 --> 00:31:31,421 - You look good. - Oh, thank you, thank you. 747 00:31:33,933 --> 00:31:36,993 Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. 748 00:31:37,036 --> 00:31:39,971 This one goes out to Sammie. 749 00:31:40,006 --> 00:31:41,473 Would you like to dance? 750 00:31:41,507 --> 00:31:43,737 Um, yes. I mean, if you don't mind. 751 00:31:43,776 --> 00:31:45,767 - No, please. - Would you excuse us? 752 00:32:30,723 --> 00:32:32,588 Would you care to dance? 753 00:32:32,625 --> 00:32:34,616 Thank you. 754 00:33:20,973 --> 00:33:24,170 Wake up, wake up! 755 00:33:27,246 --> 00:33:29,043 Get the ball, Daryl! 756 00:33:29,082 --> 00:33:30,811 Slide tackle, number 2, Black. 757 00:33:30,850 --> 00:33:32,317 - What, you're gonna cite that? - Of course. 758 00:33:32,351 --> 00:33:33,841 What, are you crazy? Are you out of your mind? 759 00:33:33,886 --> 00:33:35,114 Get out of here. 760 00:33:35,154 --> 00:33:36,985 Come on. 761 00:33:38,658 --> 00:33:40,853 Stop playing. Stop playing. 762 00:33:40,893 --> 00:33:43,088 - Would y'all calm down? - Hey, give me that. 763 00:33:43,129 --> 00:33:44,892 - No. - Don't make me come back there. 764 00:33:44,931 --> 00:33:46,592 It's mine. It's mine. 765 00:33:55,007 --> 00:33:58,135 Oh, fuck you, Larry. Bullshit, motherfucker. 766 00:33:58,177 --> 00:34:00,270 - I didn't know. - You are such a bald asshole! 767 00:34:00,313 --> 00:34:03,248 - I can't begin to tell you. - Who the fuck you think you're talking to? 768 00:34:03,282 --> 00:34:04,749 Don't nobody talk to my man like that. 769 00:34:04,784 --> 00:34:06,775 You'd better get your ass out of my house, 770 00:34:06,819 --> 00:34:09,379 - you fucking bitch. - Goodbye. 771 00:34:09,422 --> 00:34:10,889 Get your smile on. Get your smile on. 772 00:34:10,923 --> 00:34:12,390 Get your smile on, come on. 773 00:34:12,425 --> 00:34:14,393 Am I smiling? Here we go.