1 00:00:06,483 --> 00:00:07,683 Transcript by testexam 2 00:00:10,000 --> 00:00:15,000 Sync by BloodLogic 3 00:00:15,650 --> 00:00:17,251 you see? You see what's going on here? 4 00:00:17,350 --> 00:00:19,717 See, look at that. It jumps and then it freezes. 5 00:00:19,817 --> 00:00:21,283 - It's frustrating. - It's very frustrating. 6 00:00:21,383 --> 00:00:24,450 - I'm missing all my shows... "lost." - Oh, last week... 7 00:00:24,550 --> 00:00:26,283 You know that guy they killed off the previous week? 8 00:00:26,383 --> 00:00:28,151 All right, don't tell me. I don't wanna know. 9 00:00:28,251 --> 00:00:30,550 He's not dead, he's back. He came back. 10 00:00:30,650 --> 00:00:32,650 - I just told you not to tell me. - Shocking. 11 00:00:32,784 --> 00:00:35,283 - Are you nuts? - One of my top five episodes of all time. 12 00:00:35,350 --> 00:00:37,283 By the way, how come you didn't show up last thursday? 13 00:00:37,350 --> 00:00:40,084 - You didn't even call. - We had a lot of appointments last thursday. 14 00:00:40,184 --> 00:00:42,984 - So what about the tv? - Well, I don't think it's your tivo. 15 00:00:43,084 --> 00:00:44,917 It's probably the satellite, 16 00:00:45,050 --> 00:00:47,517 - but I'm gonna take a look. - Satellite? Okay. 17 00:01:06,017 --> 00:01:07,517 You know, it just gets a little frustrating. 18 00:01:07,617 --> 00:01:09,517 Every time I sit down and watch it, it's not working. 19 00:01:09,617 --> 00:01:11,084 - Hello? - Larry! 20 00:01:11,184 --> 00:01:12,650 - Oh, hey, honey. - Oh my god. 21 00:01:12,717 --> 00:01:14,650 Honey, you couldn't call at a worse time. 22 00:01:14,784 --> 00:01:17,950 - I got the tivo guy here. - Oh my god! 23 00:01:18,050 --> 00:01:19,483 - Hey, you got the warranty on this thing? - Larry! 24 00:01:19,583 --> 00:01:21,550 - The warranty. - Oh wait, hold on. 25 00:01:21,650 --> 00:01:24,483 - We're going through a really big storm right now. - Hold on one second. 26 00:01:24,583 --> 00:01:26,350 - I need a warranty card. - Honey, let me ask you a question. 27 00:01:26,416 --> 00:01:28,416 Do you have a... Do you know where the warranty card is 28 00:01:28,517 --> 00:01:29,817 - on the tivo? - No, I-I don't. 29 00:01:29,917 --> 00:01:31,817 In case something happens to me... 30 00:01:31,917 --> 00:01:34,184 - I mean, it's really bad. - Is it in the kitchen drawer by any chance? 31 00:01:34,283 --> 00:01:35,817 - What? - I'm sorry, I can't hear you. 32 00:01:35,917 --> 00:01:37,283 - What is that? What did you say? - Do you know who 33 00:01:37,416 --> 00:01:38,917 - the guy was that came out? - No, I'm not talking to you. 34 00:01:38,984 --> 00:01:41,084 Larry, I just wanna tell you just in case... 35 00:01:41,184 --> 00:01:43,517 - I can't hear you, honey. Wait, hold on one second. - ... For some reason 36 00:01:43,617 --> 00:01:45,251 - I don't make it home... - You know who the guy was who came and put this thing in? 37 00:01:45,350 --> 00:01:47,450 - You know who the guy was who installed... - I don't know. 38 00:01:47,550 --> 00:01:49,450 - I don't know his name. - Was it tom or something? 39 00:01:49,583 --> 00:01:51,084 - I just want you to know... - Or don? Something like that? 40 00:01:51,184 --> 00:01:54,683 - Maybe bill or james? - Oh my god! 41 00:01:54,784 --> 00:01:56,483 I'll come back later this afternoon, 42 00:01:56,550 --> 00:01:57,817 - because it looks like you're really busy. - Oh no, jeez. 43 00:01:57,917 --> 00:02:00,017 Honey, I'm sorry. You know what? Please. 44 00:02:00,117 --> 00:02:01,817 He's gonna go. I'm never gonna get him again. 45 00:02:01,917 --> 00:02:03,450 It's all right. I can come back. 46 00:02:03,550 --> 00:02:05,084 No, stay right there. Call me back in 10 minutes, okay? 47 00:02:05,251 --> 00:02:06,884 - What? - I'm sorry, sweetheart. I love you. 48 00:02:06,984 --> 00:02:08,817 - Keep talking. I'll come back. - No no, that's okay. 49 00:02:08,917 --> 00:02:11,084 - Stay... Stay right here. - Larry! 50 00:02:20,817 --> 00:02:22,984 Isn't he something, billy? 51 00:02:23,084 --> 00:02:24,416 Have you ever seen horses like him? 52 00:02:24,517 --> 00:02:26,617 Not quite. 53 00:02:26,717 --> 00:02:30,117 Hey! Turned it off. 54 00:02:30,217 --> 00:02:32,217 Guess what? 55 00:02:32,283 --> 00:02:34,650 We're having dinner at primo's tonight. I made a reservation. 56 00:02:34,817 --> 00:02:36,917 That's your husband. 57 00:02:37,017 --> 00:02:40,117 I'm leaving. 58 00:02:43,017 --> 00:02:46,650 I'm leaving, larry. I can't do this anymore. 59 00:02:48,817 --> 00:02:50,917 You can't do this? What? 60 00:02:51,017 --> 00:02:52,450 What? What? What are you t... 61 00:02:52,550 --> 00:02:55,817 Does that really surprise you? 62 00:02:55,917 --> 00:02:58,283 What do you mean you're leaving? What are you doing? 63 00:02:58,350 --> 00:02:59,917 I just called you from an airplane, 64 00:03:00,017 --> 00:03:01,984 telling you I was about to crash. 65 00:03:02,084 --> 00:03:04,017 The tivo guy was here. 66 00:03:04,117 --> 00:03:07,084 I could barely hear what you were saying. He was about to leave. 67 00:03:07,217 --> 00:03:09,650 I couldn't even get the guy to come to the house. 68 00:03:09,750 --> 00:03:12,117 You know, it's very hard to get those people here. It was broken. 69 00:03:12,217 --> 00:03:13,583 - Oh, really? - I got it fixed for you. 70 00:03:13,650 --> 00:03:15,217 - Well, okay. - I saved all your shows. 71 00:03:15,350 --> 00:03:17,650 "barefoot contessa," "top chef," "project runway." 72 00:03:17,750 --> 00:03:19,550 I wouldn't let him. I saved those shows for you. 73 00:03:19,650 --> 00:03:21,017 We've got these shows right here. 74 00:03:21,184 --> 00:03:24,217 It's not just about the tivo. 75 00:03:24,350 --> 00:03:26,483 What? What else is it about? 76 00:03:26,550 --> 00:03:27,984 "what else is it about?" 77 00:03:28,117 --> 00:03:29,917 it's all of it. 78 00:03:30,017 --> 00:03:32,084 You can't do anything like a normal person. 79 00:03:32,184 --> 00:03:34,251 It's about talking during sex. 80 00:03:34,350 --> 00:03:36,283 So I talk during sex. So what? 81 00:03:36,383 --> 00:03:38,950 - It's not dirty talk. You chitchat. - So? 82 00:03:39,050 --> 00:03:42,583 "who can't tell that real crab isn't fake crab?" 83 00:03:42,683 --> 00:03:45,383 by the way, people should be able to tell real crab from fake crab. 84 00:03:45,483 --> 00:03:47,683 You've gotta be a moron if you can't tell the difference. 85 00:03:47,817 --> 00:03:49,084 - That's what I think. - Well, you know what? 86 00:03:49,184 --> 00:03:51,017 If I bring that up while we're having sex, 87 00:03:51,117 --> 00:03:52,950 that's a fun topic to discuss. 88 00:03:53,084 --> 00:03:54,383 You know what the thing is, larry? 89 00:03:54,483 --> 00:03:57,017 People ask me all the time, "how do you stay with him?" 90 00:03:57,117 --> 00:03:59,850 and I always tell them, "there's another side to larry that you don't see." 91 00:03:59,984 --> 00:04:02,483 And then I just realized today there's no other side. 92 00:04:02,650 --> 00:04:04,617 - No, there's another side. - There's no other side! 93 00:04:04,750 --> 00:04:06,283 - This is it! - There's a lot of sides. I'm complex! 94 00:04:06,383 --> 00:04:09,784 After I thought I was gonna die 95 00:04:09,950 --> 00:04:11,917 and you hung up on me, 96 00:04:12,017 --> 00:04:13,483 I started talking to the guy next to me 97 00:04:13,583 --> 00:04:16,550 and I realized not everybody's like you. 98 00:04:16,650 --> 00:04:20,117 There are normal people out there that have conversations. 99 00:04:20,217 --> 00:04:22,416 - Oh, the guy next to you. - Interested in other people. 100 00:04:22,483 --> 00:04:26,483 And we had a very... Soulful conversation... 101 00:04:26,583 --> 00:04:28,583 - That's sweet. - ... About li... Okay, see? 102 00:04:28,683 --> 00:04:30,184 - Yeah. - Yeah. 103 00:04:30,283 --> 00:04:32,850 Okay, this guy. Does he carry mints and a pen and tissues 104 00:04:32,950 --> 00:04:36,184 at all times like I do, huh? 105 00:04:36,283 --> 00:04:37,650 Does he have mints? How is his breath? 106 00:04:37,750 --> 00:04:39,583 - Very pleasant. - Really? 107 00:04:39,650 --> 00:04:42,416 - What does he do? - He owns an underwear company. 108 00:04:42,517 --> 00:04:45,251 - Mm-hmm, yes. - oh, an underwear company. What kind of underwear? 109 00:04:45,383 --> 00:04:48,050 He invented... 110 00:04:48,151 --> 00:04:49,683 It doesn't matter... 111 00:04:49,784 --> 00:04:51,217 Underwear that doesn't have a fly. 112 00:04:51,316 --> 00:04:53,483 No-fly zone? 113 00:04:53,583 --> 00:04:55,784 No-fly zone. 114 00:04:55,850 --> 00:04:57,483 That is the dumbest company. 115 00:04:57,583 --> 00:05:00,217 What a stupid... I've tried that underwear. It is so idiotic. 116 00:05:00,316 --> 00:05:01,950 You have to drop the underwear 117 00:05:02,050 --> 00:05:05,217 - to pee, okay? - I think we just need a little time apart. 118 00:05:05,316 --> 00:05:07,283 I'm gonna be at my sister's. 119 00:05:07,383 --> 00:05:09,316 - Don't do this. This is crazy, honey. - Larry. 120 00:05:09,416 --> 00:05:11,117 What are you doing this for? What? 121 00:05:11,217 --> 00:05:13,950 I love you. How could you do this? What do you mean? 122 00:05:14,017 --> 00:05:16,316 You weren't there for me when I needed you. 123 00:05:16,483 --> 00:05:19,251 - I couldn't hear you. - I'll be at becky's. 124 00:05:22,416 --> 00:05:24,884 You're talking on an airplane phone. 125 00:05:32,483 --> 00:05:34,650 Yeah, I didn't think I was gonna like this. 126 00:05:34,750 --> 00:05:37,184 Usually I don't like the skin. It's delicious. 127 00:05:37,316 --> 00:05:40,650 I marinate it after I roast it. 128 00:05:44,483 --> 00:05:46,217 Cheryl left me. 129 00:05:46,316 --> 00:05:48,784 - What? - What? What do you mean she left you? 130 00:05:48,850 --> 00:05:50,784 - She's gone. She left. - Really? 131 00:05:50,884 --> 00:05:52,450 She's gone, she's out of the house. 132 00:05:52,583 --> 00:05:55,350 - Suitcase... Clothes. - Oh, she'll come back. 133 00:05:55,416 --> 00:05:57,517 She's with her sister. She's not coming back. 134 00:05:57,617 --> 00:05:59,050 Do you want something to eat, sweetie? Let me get you something. 135 00:05:59,151 --> 00:06:00,884 - Jodi, get him a chair, please. - Oh, sure. 136 00:06:00,984 --> 00:06:02,517 - What happened? - Let me get you a plate. 137 00:06:02,617 --> 00:06:05,217 You know, she was coming back on a plane, and there was a storm, 138 00:06:05,316 --> 00:06:09,316 and she called me from the plane. 139 00:06:09,416 --> 00:06:11,383 And you know, I had the tivo guy in the house. 140 00:06:11,483 --> 00:06:13,517 so? 141 00:06:13,617 --> 00:06:16,217 Well, you know, it's so hard to get the tivo guy, man. 142 00:06:16,316 --> 00:06:18,383 This guy would keep exchanging calls. I can't get him there. 143 00:06:18,483 --> 00:06:21,583 So he's finally there, and the whole call 144 00:06:21,750 --> 00:06:23,884 he's kind of talking to me, going... 145 00:06:23,984 --> 00:06:26,084 What's with the small plate? 146 00:06:26,184 --> 00:06:29,050 - That's the only one I had clean. - What? 147 00:06:29,151 --> 00:06:31,517 - Such a tiny plate? - It's the same exact portion. It's just as... 148 00:06:31,617 --> 00:06:34,050 - What's the difference? - It's what my grandmother used to eat from. 149 00:06:34,151 --> 00:06:36,717 What happened with cheryl on the plane? 150 00:06:36,850 --> 00:06:38,984 There was a lot of turbulence. She was really frightened. 151 00:06:39,084 --> 00:06:42,350 The tivo guy was there. I couldn't really talk, 152 00:06:42,416 --> 00:06:45,151 and... I told her to call me back in 10 minutes. 153 00:06:45,251 --> 00:06:46,416 - What? - Oh, larry. 154 00:06:46,517 --> 00:06:48,151 The plane's going down, 155 00:06:48,251 --> 00:06:49,984 - and you said, "call me back"? - You can't do that. 156 00:06:50,117 --> 00:06:51,884 - You didn't say that. - I didn't know it was going down! 157 00:06:52,050 --> 00:06:53,884 - Okay okay. All right, you know what? - I didn't know. 158 00:06:53,984 --> 00:06:56,650 She's gonna get over it, and it's all gonna be okay. 159 00:06:56,784 --> 00:06:59,350 No, she's not gonna get over it, because she met a guy on the plane. 160 00:06:59,450 --> 00:07:00,917 - What? Where did she meet another guy? - Really? 161 00:07:01,050 --> 00:07:03,151 - On the plane. - While the plane was going down? 162 00:07:03,251 --> 00:07:04,784 - Guy sitting next to her. - Oh, no. 163 00:07:04,884 --> 00:07:06,683 Guy sitting next to her. 164 00:07:06,784 --> 00:07:10,184 What a scumbag. Takes advantage of a married woman who's scared. 165 00:07:10,316 --> 00:07:13,084 I feel terrible. I'm emotionally distraught over this. 166 00:07:13,151 --> 00:07:16,251 I mean, I know this would never happen to nan and myself. 167 00:07:16,350 --> 00:07:19,717 - Of course not. - But I wanna say one thing. 168 00:07:19,784 --> 00:07:22,884 Okay, cheryl's a great girl. 169 00:07:22,984 --> 00:07:25,316 She's adorable, good cook, 170 00:07:25,416 --> 00:07:26,950 fun to be with. 171 00:07:27,017 --> 00:07:28,717 She has a terrific body. 172 00:07:28,850 --> 00:07:31,817 - Used to be amazing. - I remember. 173 00:07:31,917 --> 00:07:35,416 - It's true. - But let me make my point. 174 00:07:35,517 --> 00:07:39,151 None of us at this table ever would have met cheryl 175 00:07:39,251 --> 00:07:41,650 - if not for larry david. - That's true. 176 00:07:41,784 --> 00:07:43,750 - Very true. - I brought her into your lives. 177 00:07:43,850 --> 00:07:45,750 Cheryl's a great girl, 178 00:07:45,850 --> 00:07:47,717 but we have to stick with larry. 179 00:07:47,850 --> 00:07:49,650 People are gonna take sides now. 180 00:07:49,750 --> 00:07:52,383 Listen, this is a time that we have to stand behind larry. 181 00:07:54,917 --> 00:07:57,850 Hey, that could be cheryl. 182 00:07:57,984 --> 00:07:59,917 You'll get it later. We don't answer the phone at dinner. 183 00:08:00,017 --> 00:08:02,583 - What? I'll answer it. - No no no. No, the phone is not... 184 00:08:02,683 --> 00:08:04,217 What kind of fucked up rule is that? 185 00:08:04,316 --> 00:08:06,151 - No, we don't answer the phone. - Get the hell... 186 00:08:06,283 --> 00:08:09,050 - What, are you crazy? - You don't answer the phone. Give me that! 187 00:08:09,151 --> 00:08:10,950 Give it to me! 188 00:08:11,050 --> 00:08:12,750 We don't answer the phone during dinner! It's a rule! 189 00:08:12,850 --> 00:08:15,050 - You jammed my thumb. - You weren't invited. 190 00:08:15,184 --> 00:08:16,650 Go eat somewhere else! 191 00:08:16,750 --> 00:08:18,650 Oh, jesus. 192 00:08:18,750 --> 00:08:20,817 I forgot to cancel my reservations at primo's. 193 00:08:20,917 --> 00:08:22,750 - I'll use my cell phone. - Out in the hall, 194 00:08:22,850 --> 00:08:25,316 - not in the kitchen. - All right, pipe down. 195 00:08:27,450 --> 00:08:28,850 Thank you for calling primo's. This is iris. 196 00:08:28,950 --> 00:08:31,750 Oh, hi, this is larry david calling. 197 00:08:31,917 --> 00:08:34,450 Oh, hi, Mr. David. We have you down for 7:30 tonight. 198 00:08:34,550 --> 00:08:35,950 Oh, you know what? 199 00:08:36,050 --> 00:08:38,251 I'm... I'm gonna have to cancel. 200 00:08:38,416 --> 00:08:41,151 Oh, I'm so sorry. May I ask why? 201 00:08:41,316 --> 00:08:44,950 Well, if you must know, 202 00:08:45,050 --> 00:08:46,683 my wife left me. 203 00:08:46,784 --> 00:08:50,683 - Your wife left you. - Yeah, my wife left me. 204 00:08:50,784 --> 00:08:52,784 Okay, Mr. David, in the future, 205 00:08:52,917 --> 00:08:54,850 it would be nice just to get a little more notice 206 00:08:54,950 --> 00:08:57,750 - when you wanna cancel a reservation. - You don't believe me? 207 00:08:57,784 --> 00:09:00,583 Sure I believe you. Your wife left you. Okay. 208 00:09:00,750 --> 00:09:02,383 You know, I'm getting from your tone that you don't believe me. 209 00:09:02,483 --> 00:09:04,117 You have to cancel. I understand. 210 00:09:04,217 --> 00:09:06,683 I'm just saying that it's our policy to get a little more notice. 211 00:09:06,817 --> 00:09:09,416 Okay, in the future, if my wife leaves me, 212 00:09:09,517 --> 00:09:11,151 i'll make sure she does it in the morning. 213 00:09:11,251 --> 00:09:13,884 Have a great night. 214 00:09:21,683 --> 00:09:23,517 Maxwells? 215 00:09:23,650 --> 00:09:26,583 - You okay? - What the hell is this? 216 00:09:26,683 --> 00:09:28,884 That's simon's birthday party. 217 00:09:28,950 --> 00:09:31,316 He's having it at maxwells? 218 00:09:31,416 --> 00:09:33,483 Big band, special guest. 219 00:09:33,583 --> 00:09:35,084 - He's going all out. - Special guest? 220 00:09:35,217 --> 00:09:37,151 Who goes all out for a birthday party? Like, that's crazy. 221 00:09:37,217 --> 00:09:39,850 I thought he was having this in his house. You know how expensive that is? 222 00:09:39,950 --> 00:09:41,917 I loaned him $10,000 last month. 223 00:09:42,017 --> 00:09:44,316 - Last month? - Yeah, he said he needed the money. 224 00:09:44,416 --> 00:09:46,884 He needed it to give himself a birthday party at maxwells! 225 00:09:46,984 --> 00:09:49,151 I'm paying for this thing. 226 00:09:54,884 --> 00:09:56,784 - Hey. - Hi. 227 00:09:56,884 --> 00:09:59,383 I'm sorry. I just came by to pick up a few more things. 228 00:09:59,483 --> 00:10:02,217 Oh. Oh. 229 00:10:02,316 --> 00:10:05,583 I'm so glad you're here, 230 00:10:05,683 --> 00:10:08,316 because I... 231 00:10:08,416 --> 00:10:10,050 I need to talk to you. 232 00:10:10,217 --> 00:10:12,517 - Can I talk to you for a second? - Yeah. 233 00:10:12,583 --> 00:10:14,416 I need you to do something for me 234 00:10:14,517 --> 00:10:16,717 - if iwould be okay. - Okay. 235 00:10:16,884 --> 00:10:19,450 I had to call primo's 236 00:10:19,583 --> 00:10:22,251 - to cancel our reservation. - Yeah. 237 00:10:22,350 --> 00:10:24,817 And the hostess asked me 238 00:10:24,884 --> 00:10:26,884 why I was canceling, 239 00:10:26,984 --> 00:10:29,784 and I told her it was because you left me. 240 00:10:29,884 --> 00:10:31,416 Mm-hmm. 241 00:10:31,517 --> 00:10:34,517 But I don't think she believed me. 242 00:10:34,683 --> 00:10:37,884 So what I'd like you to do 243 00:10:37,984 --> 00:10:40,784 is to call the restaurant 244 00:10:40,884 --> 00:10:43,251 and just sort of, you know, 245 00:10:43,350 --> 00:10:45,316 confirm my story. 246 00:10:46,750 --> 00:10:50,550 You want me to call a stranger at a restaurant 247 00:10:50,717 --> 00:10:52,784 and talk to them about our marriage 248 00:10:52,884 --> 00:10:55,617 well, she's not really a stranger. Iris, you know iris. 249 00:10:55,717 --> 00:10:58,050 - The hostess. She works there. - I don't really know iris. 250 00:10:58,151 --> 00:10:59,517 You know the one. She's got the long hair. 251 00:10:59,617 --> 00:11:00,984 I know who you're talking about, 252 00:11:01,151 --> 00:11:03,084 but I really don't think I want to call her 253 00:11:03,184 --> 00:11:06,151 and tell her that we're breaking up. 254 00:11:06,251 --> 00:11:08,084 You know, she said she believed me, 255 00:11:08,217 --> 00:11:11,151 but there was something in her tone 256 00:11:11,251 --> 00:11:14,517 that told me that maybe she thought I was making this up or something. 257 00:11:14,617 --> 00:11:15,984 I mean, who would go to the lengths 258 00:11:16,084 --> 00:11:18,850 of saying that their wife split up with them 259 00:11:18,984 --> 00:11:21,617 - and that's why they had to cancel? - You would. 260 00:11:23,450 --> 00:11:26,084 Not so sure about that. I don't think I would. 261 00:11:26,184 --> 00:11:29,251 Yeah well, excuse me. I gotta actually get this stuff. 262 00:11:32,350 --> 00:11:33,984 Cheryl, don't go. Come on. 263 00:11:34,084 --> 00:11:36,184 Come on, just stay. Don't, don't. 264 00:11:36,350 --> 00:11:38,884 I need to go, larry. 265 00:11:38,984 --> 00:11:40,350 Will youall the restaurant? 266 00:11:56,450 --> 00:11:59,817 - Hey, larry. - Hey, simon. 267 00:11:59,917 --> 00:12:01,817 - How are you? - I'm okay. 268 00:12:01,917 --> 00:12:04,084 - Good good, good good. - You know, 269 00:12:04,184 --> 00:12:06,151 I was over at jeff's, 270 00:12:06,283 --> 00:12:08,450 and I noticed the invitation to your party. 271 00:12:08,550 --> 00:12:10,450 Aren't the invitations great? I took a lot of time on that. 272 00:12:10,550 --> 00:12:12,784 I had no idea the party was gonna be at maxwell's 273 00:12:12,917 --> 00:12:14,817 - with the open bar... - Open bar. 274 00:12:14,917 --> 00:12:16,350 ...and the band, and the special guests. 275 00:12:16,450 --> 00:12:18,717 Wait till you hear about the special guest. Yeah. 276 00:12:18,817 --> 00:12:21,817 I loaned you $10,000 a month ago. 277 00:12:21,917 --> 00:12:24,184 You didn't tell me you were having this big party for yourself. 278 00:12:24,251 --> 00:12:26,350 $10,000 has nothing to do with the party. 279 00:12:26,450 --> 00:12:28,050 - Well, what are you talking about? - No no no no. 280 00:12:28,151 --> 00:12:29,650 I'm not using that money for that. I'm using the money 281 00:12:29,750 --> 00:12:31,117 - for something else. And I appreciate it. - I know, 282 00:12:31,217 --> 00:12:32,550 but you would have to use the money for something else 283 00:12:32,650 --> 00:12:34,383 if you didn't have this party. 284 00:12:34,483 --> 00:12:36,450 - You could have used the money for that. - Don't connect the two, 285 00:12:36,550 --> 00:12:38,650 - because they... Don't think of them as... - Well, I see them 286 00:12:38,817 --> 00:12:40,650 - as being totally connected. - No, they're not connected at all. 287 00:12:40,750 --> 00:12:42,184 No, have nothing to do with each other. 288 00:12:42,283 --> 00:12:45,984 Simon, you're crazy, you know? 289 00:12:46,084 --> 00:12:49,084 Anyway, all right, so fine. 290 00:12:49,184 --> 00:12:50,817 - Yeah. - I'll see you at maxwells. 291 00:12:50,917 --> 00:12:52,450 This is probably gonna be some party. 292 00:12:52,550 --> 00:12:54,917 Umm, okay, here's the thing: 293 00:12:55,017 --> 00:12:57,450 cheryl is gonna be there. 294 00:12:59,450 --> 00:13:00,984 Are you comfortable with that? 295 00:13:01,084 --> 00:13:02,583 I'm comfortable. 296 00:13:02,683 --> 00:13:06,283 I don't think anybody else will be... Comfortable. 297 00:13:06,383 --> 00:13:08,583 Well, they're gonna have to... 298 00:13:08,650 --> 00:13:10,784 It's their problem, isn't it, you know? 299 00:13:10,917 --> 00:13:13,383 Here's the thing... My wife and I talked about it, 300 00:13:13,550 --> 00:13:16,017 and... We chose cheryl. 301 00:13:19,850 --> 00:13:22,184 Believe this guy? 302 00:13:22,283 --> 00:13:23,984 $10,000 I loan him. 303 00:13:24,084 --> 00:13:26,717 Disinvites me from the party, choosing cheryl. 304 00:13:26,817 --> 00:13:29,017 I'm paying for that party. You know that? Hey, zev. 305 00:13:29,184 --> 00:13:31,750 - Hello, larry david. - You're cleaning your underwear and socks? 306 00:13:31,884 --> 00:13:34,517 That's another thing... I gotta go back to fluff and fold now. 307 00:13:34,617 --> 00:13:37,683 Alana didn't show up. You know, I don't have her phone number. 308 00:13:37,817 --> 00:13:39,117 Cheryl took care of all that stuff. 309 00:13:39,217 --> 00:13:40,550 You're just lost, aren't you? 310 00:13:40,650 --> 00:13:42,850 - I'm completely lost. - Oh my god. 311 00:13:43,017 --> 00:13:45,217 You know what I got in my foyer at home? 312 00:13:45,383 --> 00:13:47,450 Pictures of all my dry cleaners. 313 00:13:50,583 --> 00:13:53,217 Hey, xena the warrior princess. 314 00:13:53,283 --> 00:13:55,050 Yeah. 315 00:13:55,151 --> 00:13:56,884 - Did you use to watch that show? - Of course. 316 00:13:57,017 --> 00:14:00,416 - Yeah, she's pretty sexy. - Oh, my... 317 00:14:00,517 --> 00:14:03,251 What the hell, larry? 318 00:14:03,383 --> 00:14:05,151 Oh my god. I'm so sorry. 319 00:14:07,217 --> 00:14:09,350 - Why did you do that? - Oh, shit. 320 00:14:09,450 --> 00:14:10,884 - It's ripped. - She doesn't come in anymore. 321 00:14:10,984 --> 00:14:12,817 How am I gonna get another picture? 322 00:14:12,884 --> 00:14:15,050 Man. 323 00:14:15,151 --> 00:14:17,151 You can get lucy lawless's picture, can't you? 324 00:14:17,251 --> 00:14:18,583 You know what? I'll get ahold of her agent 325 00:14:18,683 --> 00:14:20,084 and we'll find it. I'll get it. 326 00:14:20,217 --> 00:14:21,583 Okay, I'll get you another picture. 327 00:14:21,683 --> 00:14:24,884 Could you have her make it out to "zev" this time? 328 00:14:25,050 --> 00:14:26,884 - Yes. Okay. - Thank you. All right. 329 00:14:26,984 --> 00:14:28,617 - I'm sorry. - That's all right. 330 00:14:28,717 --> 00:14:30,151 Just give me the picture. 331 00:14:30,251 --> 00:14:33,850 - I'll get the picture. - Thank you so much. 332 00:14:33,950 --> 00:14:36,984 Please take this couple over to table #24. 333 00:14:37,050 --> 00:14:39,117 Thanks, have a nice dinner. 334 00:14:45,450 --> 00:14:48,450 What's taking so long, may I ask? 335 00:14:48,550 --> 00:14:50,784 Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. David. We're just really full tonight. 336 00:14:50,884 --> 00:14:52,450 It should just be a couple more minutes. 337 00:14:52,550 --> 00:14:54,717 Let me ask you a question. 338 00:14:54,817 --> 00:14:57,251 - Did my wife call the restaurant? - No. 339 00:14:57,350 --> 00:14:59,184 Is that why I'm not getting a table? 340 00:14:59,316 --> 00:15:01,517 Because you didn't believe my breakup story 341 00:15:01,617 --> 00:15:03,717 - last night? - I don't know what you're talking about. 342 00:15:03,850 --> 00:15:06,350 - I think you do know what I'm talking about. - No, we're just full tonight. 343 00:15:06,416 --> 00:15:08,316 - Why would I make that up? That's insane. - Mr. David, 344 00:15:08,416 --> 00:15:10,583 - we'll be right with you. - You have to be insane to make up a story like that. 345 00:15:10,683 --> 00:15:12,483 - Okay. - If I wanted to cancel a reservation, 346 00:15:12,583 --> 00:15:13,984 and needed an excuse, I would just say I'm sick or something. 347 00:15:14,117 --> 00:15:15,884 Primo's, this is iris. 348 00:15:15,984 --> 00:15:18,283 Sure, come right in. 349 00:15:18,383 --> 00:15:20,450 You know, we did break up. That's why I had to cancel the reservation. 350 00:15:20,550 --> 00:15:21,984 Okay, we'll see you soon. 351 00:15:26,984 --> 00:15:29,450 You totally deserve that. 352 00:15:29,550 --> 00:15:32,084 You totally deserve it. Yes, you do. 353 00:15:32,184 --> 00:15:34,550 On no planet is a shoe caddy a good gift. 354 00:15:34,683 --> 00:15:36,316 That's just a... What? 355 00:15:36,416 --> 00:15:38,084 All right, yeah, no no no, 356 00:15:38,184 --> 00:15:40,416 I get that it was payback, but... 357 00:15:40,517 --> 00:15:43,084 It's not long distance even if it's in india. 358 00:15:43,184 --> 00:15:44,617 So I'm on the 14th hole, okay? 359 00:15:44,717 --> 00:15:46,450 Lloyd, he's got these great cuban cigars. 360 00:15:46,517 --> 00:15:48,151 - What? I can't talk to you, mom. - So we're smoking these cigars. 361 00:15:48,251 --> 00:15:50,017 - I've got someone on the other line. - So I reach down 362 00:15:50,117 --> 00:15:51,817 - to take a puff... - I can't hear you. It's loud in here. 363 00:15:51,917 --> 00:15:53,884 - No no, just call them. - ... And all of a sudden, lloyd goes, 364 00:15:53,984 --> 00:15:56,283 - "what the fuck are you doing? That's my cigar!" - I'll call you back. 365 00:15:56,450 --> 00:15:58,550 - Call them. - So I was trying to brush my teeth with an apple. 366 00:15:58,650 --> 00:16:01,717 - It was horrible, horrible. - Excuse me. 367 00:16:01,817 --> 00:16:03,717 Who are you talking to? 368 00:16:03,817 --> 00:16:06,450 - I'm talking to myself. - Well, you're doing it really loud. 369 00:16:06,550 --> 00:16:08,450 - Oh, really? - Yeah yeah. 370 00:16:08,550 --> 00:16:11,283 - You're kind of talking loud yourself. - To a person. 371 00:16:11,350 --> 00:16:14,717 - What's the difference? - I'm actually conversing with another human being. 372 00:16:14,817 --> 00:16:16,316 - Oh, really? - Very different than just... 373 00:16:16,416 --> 00:16:18,251 To the outside observer, it's the same level of annoyance. 374 00:16:18,350 --> 00:16:20,151 Well, I need to talk to my friend. I can barely hear here. 375 00:16:20,251 --> 00:16:22,184 Okay, well, maybe if you talk lower to your friend, 376 00:16:22,316 --> 00:16:23,550 - I'll talk lower to my other self. - Great great. 377 00:16:23,650 --> 00:16:25,717 - Yeah, good plan. - Okay, all right. 378 00:16:25,850 --> 00:16:27,717 Jesus christ. I'm literally sitting minding my own business... 379 00:16:27,817 --> 00:16:29,283 What a schmuck. He's been talking on his phone the whole dinner. 380 00:16:29,383 --> 00:16:31,117 ...and this guy is talking to himself. He's still doing it. 381 00:16:31,251 --> 00:16:32,483 Do you hear that? Listen, you hear this? 382 00:16:32,550 --> 00:16:34,184 He doesn't even think he's being annoying. 383 00:16:34,283 --> 00:16:35,650 He thinks he can just sit there and tk out loud not be annoying. 384 00:16:35,750 --> 00:16:37,617 Do you hear that? He's literally just doing it 385 00:16:37,717 --> 00:16:39,383 - just to be annoying. - He's been driving me nuts the last 10 minutes. 386 00:16:39,517 --> 00:16:41,184 Honestly, I'm done anyway. This is bullshit. 387 00:16:41,283 --> 00:16:42,917 - I'm paying. I don't care. - No, can you hear him? 388 00:16:43,084 --> 00:16:44,617 No, he's still talking. Wait, I got steve on the other line. 389 00:16:44,717 --> 00:16:46,450 - He wins, he wins. Yeah, you win. - Hey, steve... 390 00:16:46,550 --> 00:16:47,984 - Good for you, being annoying. - ... Do me a favor. 391 00:16:48,084 --> 00:16:50,450 Remind me... These people, they're just... 392 00:16:52,717 --> 00:16:55,984 - Who are you talking to? - Oh, hey. 393 00:16:56,084 --> 00:16:58,483 - Hi, jodi. - Hey. 394 00:16:59,817 --> 00:17:01,483 What are you doing tomorrow? Let's play golf. 395 00:17:01,583 --> 00:17:05,450 I can't. Larry, the funkhousers have made a decision. 396 00:17:05,550 --> 00:17:08,483 We're going with cheryl. 397 00:17:08,617 --> 00:17:11,184 Yeah. 398 00:17:26,184 --> 00:17:28,650 - Oh. Hi, becky. - Oh. Hi. 399 00:17:28,717 --> 00:17:30,850 Is cheryl here? 400 00:17:30,950 --> 00:17:34,583 No, she's not here right now, so... 401 00:17:34,717 --> 00:17:37,850 - You know when she'll be back? - nuh-uh, I don't, 402 00:17:38,017 --> 00:17:40,717 - but it was good to see you. - Alana? 403 00:17:40,817 --> 00:17:43,850 - Is that alana? - Mr. Larry. 404 00:17:44,917 --> 00:17:47,017 What are you doing here? 405 00:17:47,117 --> 00:17:48,917 I work for Mrs. Cheryl. 406 00:17:49,017 --> 00:17:52,217 - You chose cheryl? - Yes. 407 00:17:52,283 --> 00:17:54,450 Hey, becky? 408 00:17:54,550 --> 00:17:56,650 Oh, I wasn't sure if you'd still be here. I thought you were gonna... 409 00:17:56,750 --> 00:17:59,017 I am, and... 410 00:18:00,251 --> 00:18:02,984 - Hi. - Hi. 411 00:18:03,117 --> 00:18:04,483 This is glenn. This is larry. 412 00:18:04,583 --> 00:18:07,650 - Hey. - Nice to meet you. 413 00:18:09,117 --> 00:18:11,050 Nice head of hair. 414 00:18:11,184 --> 00:18:14,383 Okay. What are you doing here? 415 00:18:14,483 --> 00:18:15,950 You need to call ted danson back. 416 00:18:16,050 --> 00:18:18,683 He wanted to invite you to an oceans fundraiser. 417 00:18:18,750 --> 00:18:20,383 Oh, yeah. Okay, thanks. 418 00:18:20,483 --> 00:18:22,917 - You'll like ted. - I like the ocean. 419 00:18:23,017 --> 00:18:25,184 Then it's perfect. - I'm very pro-ocean. 420 00:18:25,316 --> 00:18:28,450 - So glenn, how's the no-fly underwear business doing? - great. 421 00:18:28,550 --> 00:18:29,950 - I told him about your business. - Yeah. 422 00:18:30,084 --> 00:18:31,583 - It's going great. - Is it? 423 00:18:31,750 --> 00:18:33,917 - Yeah. - You think men want an underwear 424 00:18:34,017 --> 00:18:35,984 - that has no fly? - I know they do. 425 00:18:36,117 --> 00:18:39,050 74% of the men we tested go over the fence. 426 00:18:39,151 --> 00:18:41,683 - Oh, they do? - Yeah, the rest go through the gate. 427 00:18:41,784 --> 00:18:43,316 - Well... - You're not giving people an option. 428 00:18:43,416 --> 00:18:45,917 The penis needs an option, just like everybody else. 429 00:18:46,017 --> 00:18:48,483 The penis is human. It needs an option. 430 00:18:48,583 --> 00:18:51,784 All right, well you should probably get going. 431 00:18:51,850 --> 00:18:53,917 - Okay. - Okay. 432 00:18:54,017 --> 00:18:56,050 - Mint? - No. 433 00:18:57,217 --> 00:18:59,583 - Tissue? - No, I... 434 00:19:03,117 --> 00:19:05,683 Pen? 435 00:19:10,750 --> 00:19:14,416 - Is that glenn with two "n"s? - It is, in fact. 436 00:19:14,517 --> 00:19:16,517 You know what? I wouldn't care... 437 00:19:16,617 --> 00:19:18,517 I wouldn't care if she left me for a bald guy. 438 00:19:18,583 --> 00:19:20,316 Right. 439 00:19:20,416 --> 00:19:24,050 - But this is, like, the worst betrayal. - What does he look like? 440 00:19:24,151 --> 00:19:27,750 - Thick, like presidential kennedy hair. - Oh. 441 00:19:27,850 --> 00:19:30,316 - And he makes underwear? - Yeah, no-fly underwear, 442 00:19:30,416 --> 00:19:32,750 like there's some great clamoring for no-fly underwear. 443 00:19:32,850 --> 00:19:34,416 - Who needs no-fly underwear? - I know. 444 00:19:34,483 --> 00:19:36,416 A guy who goes into a store and goes, "i need a pair of underwear. 445 00:19:36,483 --> 00:19:38,283 - I got a vagina." - I know. 446 00:19:38,383 --> 00:19:40,017 No-fly underwear. 447 00:19:40,117 --> 00:19:42,184 Hello? Hold on one second. 448 00:19:44,217 --> 00:19:47,251 Great, thank you so very much. 449 00:19:47,416 --> 00:19:49,950 Really, thank him. Thanks, bye. 450 00:19:50,050 --> 00:19:51,984 Here you go. 451 00:19:52,050 --> 00:19:54,050 Lucy lawless. 452 00:19:54,151 --> 00:19:56,517 oh. Oh, yeah. 453 00:19:56,617 --> 00:19:58,316 Oh, thanks. 454 00:19:58,416 --> 00:20:00,750 - Let me call her. - Which water is mine? 455 00:20:00,850 --> 00:20:04,416 I don't know. I took one sip. 456 00:20:04,517 --> 00:20:06,251 I have no... 457 00:20:06,316 --> 00:20:08,416 - We'll have to get more. - We'll get more water. 458 00:20:10,517 --> 00:20:12,617 - "To zev... " - zev, yes. 459 00:20:12,717 --> 00:20:15,450 - "... Lucy lawless." - Thank you so much. 460 00:20:15,550 --> 00:20:17,117 I not only get you the picture, 461 00:20:17,217 --> 00:20:18,483 I get you lucy lawless. 462 00:20:18,550 --> 00:20:20,617 - Thank you so much. - My pleasure. 463 00:20:20,717 --> 00:20:23,850 - Wow, you make lovely "l"s. - You got my dry cleaning? 464 00:20:23,984 --> 00:20:25,717 Tomorrow after 5:00. 465 00:20:30,984 --> 00:20:33,383 - Hey, that was so nice of you to do that. - Oh, you're welcome. 466 00:20:33,517 --> 00:20:35,717 To tell you the truth, I thought he was gonna be more bowled over 467 00:20:35,817 --> 00:20:37,817 by your presence. He took it pretty calmly. 468 00:20:37,917 --> 00:20:41,084 - People are always expecting someone bigger. - I used to be very intimidated 469 00:20:41,184 --> 00:20:42,917 - by that warrior princess, I gotta tell you. - Did you really? 470 00:20:42,984 --> 00:20:44,450 - Yes. - And now? 471 00:20:44,617 --> 00:20:45,984 Now that I see you in person, 472 00:20:46,084 --> 00:20:48,084 - I actually think I can take you. 473 00:20:49,650 --> 00:20:52,950 Look, I'm not a cool guy or anything, okay? 474 00:20:53,017 --> 00:20:54,850 I haven't been on a date in 12 years, 475 00:20:54,917 --> 00:20:57,217 but I would love to waste your time for couple of hours. 476 00:20:57,350 --> 00:20:58,850 - What do you think about that? 477 00:20:58,984 --> 00:21:00,750 Can I do that? Is that possible? 478 00:21:00,850 --> 00:21:02,617 - How about that? - Okay, yeah. 479 00:21:02,750 --> 00:21:04,850 - Have you been to primo's? - I have never been to primo's. 480 00:21:04,917 --> 00:21:06,550 - I hear that it's great though. - It's really good. 481 00:21:06,650 --> 00:21:08,483 All right, yeah. Well, you've got my number. 482 00:21:08,550 --> 00:21:09,817 I do. 483 00:21:09,917 --> 00:21:12,184 - Well... - Oh, jeez. 484 00:21:12,283 --> 00:21:14,450 - Wh? - Ted danson. 485 00:21:14,550 --> 00:21:17,550 He is an asshole. 486 00:21:17,650 --> 00:21:19,383 Really? You don't like him? 487 00:21:19,517 --> 00:21:21,450 - I despise him. He's just terrible. - Hey, how are you? 488 00:21:21,550 --> 00:21:22,984 - Hi. - How are you doing, man? 489 00:21:23,084 --> 00:21:24,416 - You know lucy lawless? - I do. 490 00:21:24,550 --> 00:21:25,817 - Yeah, we met. - Ted danson. 491 00:21:25,917 --> 00:21:28,950 - Yeah, nice to see you. - You too. 492 00:21:29,084 --> 00:21:30,850 - Well, okay. - All right. 493 00:21:30,950 --> 00:21:33,917 Bye. 494 00:21:34,017 --> 00:21:36,117 What is that? "call me"? 495 00:21:36,217 --> 00:21:37,550 - Did she just do a "call me"? - Yeah, she did. 496 00:21:37,650 --> 00:21:39,717 - We're going out to dinner. - Really? 497 00:21:39,817 --> 00:21:41,550 - Yes, yeah. - Well, good for you. 498 00:21:41,650 --> 00:21:43,583 I asked her for a date. Here's what I said. 499 00:21:43,717 --> 00:21:46,217 "i'm not really a cool guy or anything," 500 00:21:46,283 --> 00:21:47,984 which is a pretty good line I thought. 501 00:21:48,117 --> 00:21:51,017 I never did that when I was dating, admit that I wasn't a cool guy. 502 00:21:51,117 --> 00:21:53,483 Now I didn't give a shit. I just said, "i'm not a cool guy." 503 00:21:53,550 --> 00:21:57,050 It fucking worked! "i'm not a cool guy"! I'm gonna use it all the time. 504 00:21:57,151 --> 00:21:59,017 - Good for you, man, really. - Thank you. 505 00:21:59,117 --> 00:22:00,784 - Thank you. - Yeah, you deserve that. 506 00:22:00,917 --> 00:22:03,683 - I gotta scoot. - Wait, let me ask you something. 507 00:22:05,017 --> 00:22:07,117 How come I wasn't invited to your fundraiser? 508 00:22:08,316 --> 00:22:11,050 - Wha-what fundraiser? - The oceans fundraiser. 509 00:22:11,217 --> 00:22:14,583 Oh! I thought you were a global-warming guy. 510 00:22:14,650 --> 00:22:16,084 - Really? - Yeah. 511 00:22:18,184 --> 00:22:19,650 You're going with cheryl, aren't you? 512 00:22:19,750 --> 00:22:23,650 Yeah. Yeah. 513 00:22:36,050 --> 00:22:39,750 "okay, what is jim jones's most famous song?" 514 00:22:39,850 --> 00:22:42,850 - "ballin"! - And there he is, y'all! 515 00:22:45,283 --> 00:22:46,784 - Uh-oh, uh-oh. - And a la-di-da. 516 00:22:46,917 --> 00:22:49,583 - Not too much? Not too dressy? - No. 517 00:22:49,683 --> 00:22:51,017 - No, you look good. - You're cool, man. You're cool. 518 00:22:51,117 --> 00:22:52,383 You're bringing it tonight, man. Let me tell you something. 519 00:22:52,483 --> 00:22:54,117 What, am I gonna sit home? She's going out. 520 00:22:54,217 --> 00:22:56,483 - That's right. - She's got a new boyfriend already! 521 00:22:56,583 --> 00:22:58,917 - Your turn. - By the way, guess who I'm going out with? 522 00:22:59,017 --> 00:23:00,583 - Who? - Who are you going out with? 523 00:23:00,717 --> 00:23:03,117 Xena the warrior princess. 524 00:23:03,217 --> 00:23:05,383 - Ooh! - Wait a second now. 525 00:23:05,483 --> 00:23:07,517 - What? - Uh-huh. 526 00:23:07,617 --> 00:23:09,316 - Do you love that? - I love it! 527 00:23:09,416 --> 00:23:11,151 - Don't wait up. - Don't worry, we won't. 528 00:23:11,251 --> 00:23:13,650 - My man l.d. - Yeah. 529 00:23:13,750 --> 00:23:15,050 Sorry you gotta miss that lakers game. 530 00:23:15,217 --> 00:23:16,884 - Forget about it. - Oh, I got to tivo it. 531 00:23:16,950 --> 00:23:18,683 What? 532 00:23:18,784 --> 00:23:21,383 - What the hell? - Larry, you all right? 533 00:23:21,483 --> 00:23:24,050 - You all right? - Leon, go help him. 534 00:23:24,151 --> 00:23:26,050 - What happened? - What happened, man? 535 00:23:26,151 --> 00:23:28,683 - You all right? - What's the matter? 536 00:23:30,184 --> 00:23:31,583 So what's the deal? 537 00:23:31,750 --> 00:23:33,650 - Yeah, what's the deal? - I was just about to explain. 538 00:23:33,750 --> 00:23:35,483 Based on your signs and symptoms, 539 00:23:35,583 --> 00:23:37,583 when you twisted your body, 540 00:23:37,683 --> 00:23:40,717 your testicles got ensnared in the fly of your underwear, 541 00:23:40,850 --> 00:23:42,717 which acted like a noose. 542 00:23:42,784 --> 00:23:45,984 And it caused scrotal hematoma and contusion. 543 00:23:46,050 --> 00:23:48,617 - Twisted balls. - In layman's terms, yes, 544 00:23:48,750 --> 00:23:50,316 but it's not as bad as it sounds. 545 00:23:50,416 --> 00:23:52,483 It's a bruising, which will probably last about a week or so. 546 00:23:52,583 --> 00:23:54,950 Oh, okay. - But I would definitely recommend 547 00:23:55,050 --> 00:23:57,483 switching to a style of underwear with no fly. 548 00:23:57,583 --> 00:24:00,650 - No-fly zone? Is that what you're telling me? - that's exactly it. 549 00:24:00,750 --> 00:24:02,583 No-fly zone. That's a popular brand. 550 00:24:02,683 --> 00:24:05,050 - I'm not wearing that underwear, okay? - You gotta do it, man. 551 00:24:05,151 --> 00:24:07,750 You got long balls, larry. Long balls. 552 00:24:07,850 --> 00:24:09,416 - You got long-ass balls. - I've got long balls? 553 00:24:09,583 --> 00:24:11,350 Doctor, you've seen his balls, right? 554 00:24:11,450 --> 00:24:13,050 Would you say my balls were unusually long? 555 00:24:13,151 --> 00:24:15,617 They're a bit more distended than the average testicles. 556 00:24:15,717 --> 00:24:17,084 You got long-ass balls, larry. 557 00:24:17,151 --> 00:24:18,984 Long-ball larry. That's your new name. 558 00:24:19,084 --> 00:24:20,950 Long balls. Who the hell knew? 559 00:24:21,017 --> 00:24:24,050 Long balls. Change the draws. 560 00:24:24,151 --> 00:24:27,117 Okay, fine. I'll wear the no-fly zone. 561 00:24:27,217 --> 00:24:30,050 - Hey, thanks for getting me through this so fast. - Yeah, my pleasure. 562 00:24:30,151 --> 00:24:32,617 You know what, I got a date. I gotta get out of here. 563 00:24:32,750 --> 00:24:35,483 Oh yeah, speaking of that, you're gonna wanna ice your testicles, 564 00:24:35,583 --> 00:24:37,784 and no sex for at least a week. 565 00:24:37,884 --> 00:24:40,750 I don't think that's gonna be a problem for me, but thanks. 566 00:24:40,850 --> 00:24:42,217 Thanks for the info. All right. 567 00:24:42,316 --> 00:24:44,184 - Good luck. - Thanks. 568 00:24:44,283 --> 00:24:46,084 My man. 569 00:24:46,184 --> 00:24:49,316 - I got long balls. - Long-ass balls. 570 00:24:52,717 --> 00:24:55,717 I've actually trained my body not to use public toilets. 571 00:24:55,817 --> 00:24:57,050 Trained it. 572 00:24:57,151 --> 00:24:59,450 So I never ever have to go when I'm out of my house. 573 00:24:59,583 --> 00:25:00,984 Yeah, I'm getting a red flag here, larry. 574 00:25:01,084 --> 00:25:03,850 You know what? We should switch sides. Because the game's on. 575 00:25:03,950 --> 00:25:05,350 - I don't wanna look at it. - Why not? 576 00:25:05,416 --> 00:25:07,884 Because I'm tivoing it. 577 00:25:08,050 --> 00:25:10,884 - Oh, hate spoilers, right? - I can't watch it if I know what happens. 578 00:25:10,984 --> 00:25:14,884 - So what else about you? - I'm a man of mystery. 579 00:25:14,984 --> 00:25:18,184 - And you're a jew, right? - Yeah. 580 00:25:18,283 --> 00:25:20,184 - 'Cause we don't have those where I come from. - Really? 581 00:25:20,283 --> 00:25:22,251 - Nope. - So I must be quite fascinating to you. 582 00:25:22,350 --> 00:25:23,984 You are so exotic you have no idea. 583 00:25:24,084 --> 00:25:25,184 - Really? - Yeah. 584 00:25:25,283 --> 00:25:26,683 It's like a black man in sweden. 585 00:25:26,784 --> 00:25:28,817 - It's exactly like that. - Right? 586 00:25:28,917 --> 00:25:30,984 Mr. Akivo, your table's ready. Right this way please. 587 00:25:31,084 --> 00:25:32,984 Sorry for the wait. 588 00:25:33,084 --> 00:25:35,517 Okay, we were definitely here ahead of them. 589 00:25:35,683 --> 00:25:37,050 - Absolutely. - Huh, were we not? 590 00:25:37,151 --> 00:25:39,450 - Uh-huh. - I'm gonna talk to the owner. 591 00:25:39,517 --> 00:25:41,217 Hey, primo. 592 00:25:41,316 --> 00:25:43,084 Mr. David, good evening. 593 00:25:43,217 --> 00:25:45,450 What's going on? All these people I came in ahead of 594 00:25:45,517 --> 00:25:47,650 are getting seated. How come I'm not getting a table? 595 00:25:50,050 --> 00:25:51,750 Mr. David, 596 00:25:51,884 --> 00:25:54,917 there is no table. 597 00:25:55,017 --> 00:25:57,817 No table? How come? What do you mean "no table"? 598 00:25:57,917 --> 00:26:01,884 We chose cheryl. 599 00:26:10,416 --> 00:26:13,917 Oh my god. I'm so sorry. Can you believe that? 600 00:26:13,984 --> 00:26:15,416 It's okay. It's not your fault. 601 00:26:15,517 --> 00:26:18,350 - Mint? - Yeah. 602 00:26:22,717 --> 00:26:25,884 - Tissue? - No. 603 00:26:26,017 --> 00:26:28,583 So what do you wanna do now? 604 00:26:30,416 --> 00:26:32,416 We could go to my house. 605 00:26:32,517 --> 00:26:35,050 Your house? 606 00:26:35,151 --> 00:26:38,050 Sure. It's just up the road. 607 00:26:39,683 --> 00:26:42,217 Oh, right. 608 00:26:42,316 --> 00:26:44,217 What? 609 00:26:44,316 --> 00:26:47,050 My testicles got ensnared in the fly of my underwear, 610 00:26:47,151 --> 00:26:50,850 and the doctor said I can't have sex for a week. 611 00:26:50,950 --> 00:26:52,650 But we can go there for dinner. 612 00:26:52,750 --> 00:26:56,450 I was only talking about dinner, you big asshole. 613 00:26:56,550 --> 00:26:59,984 No! No! 614 00:27:20,383 --> 00:27:22,117 - Hey, how are you doing? - Hey, name please. 615 00:27:22,217 --> 00:27:24,550 - Larry david. Simon's party, right? - Yes. 616 00:27:24,650 --> 00:27:26,683 - Cool. - Sorry, you're not on the list. 617 00:27:26,750 --> 00:27:29,950 That's gotta be a mistake. I gotta be on this list. I'm a close friend. 618 00:27:30,017 --> 00:27:32,416 - My wife is in there. - You're not on the list. I can't let you in. 619 00:27:32,550 --> 00:27:34,217 - Come on, man. I'll give you $20. - $20? 620 00:27:34,350 --> 00:27:36,050 If you're not on the list, I can't let you in. Sorry. 621 00:27:36,151 --> 00:27:38,251 - $40. - That's insulting. 622 00:27:38,416 --> 00:27:41,050 Hey. 623 00:27:41,151 --> 00:27:43,050 What the heck are you doing here? 624 00:27:43,151 --> 00:27:44,683 You're invited? 625 00:27:44,784 --> 00:27:46,383 No, he didn't invite me. I have a gig. 626 00:27:46,483 --> 00:27:48,683 He's paying me $10,000 to do a set. It's a piece of cake. 627 00:27:48,784 --> 00:27:50,884 - Are you the special guest? - Yeah, so what? 628 00:27:51,017 --> 00:27:52,483 - What's the big deal? - Are you kidding? 629 00:27:52,583 --> 00:27:54,750 - It's $10,000. - He's giving you $10,000? 630 00:27:54,850 --> 00:27:57,050 - Yeah, so what? - So what?! That's my money. 631 00:27:57,151 --> 00:27:58,950 I'm paying for you. You're my money. 632 00:27:59,050 --> 00:28:00,750 - What do you mean I'm your money? - Don't you understand? 633 00:28:00,850 --> 00:28:03,350 I gave him $10,000. He's giving it to you, so I own you! 634 00:28:03,450 --> 00:28:04,984 This is not san quentin. I have a gig for christ... 635 00:28:05,084 --> 00:28:06,617 I don't care. You're not going in! 636 00:28:06,717 --> 00:28:08,350 Why are you taking this so personally?! This is just business! 637 00:28:08,450 --> 00:28:09,984 No, it's not business. What are you doing? 638 00:28:10,084 --> 00:28:11,683 - You're not going in there. - I am going in there. 639 00:28:11,784 --> 00:28:13,251 - Don't tell me what to do. - You're not going in. 640 00:28:13,350 --> 00:28:15,251 - Hey, what's your... Oh, come on. 641 00:28:15,416 --> 00:28:17,251 I hit you in the thigh, you big baby. 642 00:28:17,350 --> 00:28:18,850 Long balls. 643 00:28:18,984 --> 00:28:21,350 - Long balls. - Long balls.