1 00:00:06,483 --> 00:00:07,483 Transcript by testexam 2 00:00:07,583 --> 00:00:10,583 Curb Your Enthusiasm S06E04 "The Bathroom Monitor" 3 00:00:10,600 --> 00:00:15,000 Sync by BloodLogic 4 00:00:22,917 --> 00:00:25,350 - Hey, Larry. - Hi, Cha Cha. 5 00:00:25,451 --> 00:00:27,716 Thanks again for recommending me for this job. 6 00:00:27,817 --> 00:00:31,616 - Thanks. You were so great. - Oh. Good. 7 00:00:31,716 --> 00:00:33,551 And Richard says thank you too. 8 00:00:34,883 --> 00:00:36,950 - Aren't these great? - Yeah. 9 00:00:37,084 --> 00:00:38,551 You like 'em? I could get you a pair. 10 00:00:38,683 --> 00:00:40,683 Nah, that's okay. I'm going to the bathroom. 11 00:00:40,783 --> 00:00:43,084 It's like Ross down by the airport-- They don't do just clothes. 12 00:00:43,184 --> 00:00:44,817 They do housewares too, if you're interested. 13 00:00:44,950 --> 00:00:47,683 - That's okay. I'll-- I'll-- - So how are you today? 14 00:00:47,783 --> 00:00:50,683 - Good. I'm just going to the bathroom. - Yeah? Is that Prada? 15 00:00:50,750 --> 00:00:52,817 - Hey, Larry. - Oh, hey, Burt. 16 00:00:52,917 --> 00:00:55,917 - 1:00 lunch, right? - Yeah, 1:00. 17 00:00:56,017 --> 00:00:57,551 Yeah, lunch with the wives. 18 00:00:57,650 --> 00:00:59,817 Downstairs, yeah. see you then. 19 00:00:59,917 --> 00:01:01,750 - He's great, isn't he? - He is a good guy, yeah. 20 00:01:01,817 --> 00:01:03,284 I wanna be a producer. How do you become a producer? 21 00:01:03,384 --> 00:01:05,350 You know, you gotta know people. 22 00:01:05,451 --> 00:01:08,250 - Well, I know you. - You know me, yeah. That's true. Okay. 23 00:01:08,350 --> 00:01:11,983 - Maybe we could talk about that sometime over lunch. - Yeah, sure. 24 00:01:12,084 --> 00:01:14,284 Great. Okay. just let me know when... 25 00:01:14,417 --> 00:01:17,250 - All right, okay. - ...And I'll write it in my filofax. 26 00:01:30,451 --> 00:01:32,451 Wow, that was quick. 27 00:01:35,117 --> 00:01:38,184 You don't really need to comment 28 00:01:38,284 --> 00:01:41,150 on what's going on 29 00:01:41,250 --> 00:01:44,817 - In terms of that or anything. - Oh, okay. I'm sorry. 30 00:01:44,883 --> 00:01:47,017 - Okay. - By the way, how do you get here in the morning? 31 00:01:47,084 --> 00:01:50,017 I'm having a hard time getting here on time. What if we carpooled? 32 00:01:50,117 --> 00:01:53,050 I really gotta get back, okay? So... 33 00:01:53,150 --> 00:01:55,084 Okay, maybe you could think about it and... 34 00:01:55,184 --> 00:01:58,583 Yeah, we're not-- we probably won't be able to work that out, 35 00:01:58,716 --> 00:02:00,384 but I'll-- we'll think about it. 36 00:02:00,484 --> 00:02:02,117 You have one of those healthy cars. 37 00:02:02,217 --> 00:02:04,117 How does it work? 38 00:02:04,217 --> 00:02:06,716 You put your foot on the gas. 39 00:02:09,017 --> 00:02:11,484 It was like having a bathroom monitor. 40 00:02:11,551 --> 00:02:13,650 - I have a bathroom monitor. - oh, that's terrible. 41 00:02:13,750 --> 00:02:15,650 Why don't you go at home, like I do? 42 00:02:15,750 --> 00:02:17,350 I don't like to go in my house. 43 00:02:17,451 --> 00:02:19,017 Who doesn't like to go in their house? 44 00:02:19,117 --> 00:02:21,883 Cheryl has-- you know, she's an environmentalist. 45 00:02:21,983 --> 00:02:23,883 She has this recycled 46 00:02:23,983 --> 00:02:25,917 post-consumer toilet paper all over the house. 47 00:02:26,017 --> 00:02:28,084 - Oh. - It's coarse. 48 00:02:28,184 --> 00:02:29,883 It's like going to the port authority 49 00:02:30,017 --> 00:02:32,950 - Or a whaling vessel. - A whaling vessel! 50 00:02:33,117 --> 00:02:35,750 I can't go here and I can't go there. It's horrible. 51 00:02:35,850 --> 00:02:37,451 Oh, jeez. 52 00:02:37,551 --> 00:02:40,017 All right, let's go to lunch. 53 00:02:40,117 --> 00:02:42,817 I love that you have a restaurant in your building. 54 00:02:44,917 --> 00:02:46,650 - Oh, and Larry... - Mmm. 55 00:02:46,750 --> 00:02:48,950 Again, I want to thank you for Cha Cha. 56 00:02:49,084 --> 00:02:50,650 - That has worked out very well. - What? 57 00:02:50,750 --> 00:02:52,917 - Cha Cha. She's been wonderful. - oh my god, Cha Cha? 58 00:02:53,017 --> 00:02:54,917 - Cha Cha's been wonderful. - Are you kidding me? 59 00:02:55,017 --> 00:02:56,917 I apologize for having even recommended her. 60 00:02:57,017 --> 00:02:59,484 - No no. - You don't have to lie to me. 61 00:02:59,616 --> 00:03:01,284 Okay? You don't have to lie to me. 62 00:03:01,384 --> 00:03:03,551 No, I wouldn't. No, she's worked out very well. 63 00:03:03,683 --> 00:03:05,783 - No, she's terrible. - Better than expected. 64 00:03:05,850 --> 00:03:07,850 She's terrible and if you want to fire her, go ahead. 65 00:03:07,950 --> 00:03:09,484 Oh, right. no no. 66 00:03:09,583 --> 00:03:11,217 - Don't keep her on my account, okay? - I won't. 67 00:03:11,284 --> 00:03:13,284 You're not gonna hurt my feelings if you fire her. 68 00:03:13,384 --> 00:03:15,050 We're very happy with her. what can I say? 69 00:03:15,184 --> 00:03:17,050 I've noticed that every time 70 00:03:17,117 --> 00:03:19,050 I pass your office-- that she's not working, 71 00:03:19,117 --> 00:03:22,317 that she's reading or talking on the phone. By the way-- 72 00:03:22,384 --> 00:03:25,217 well, that's her job. She's supposed to-- she's a receptionist. 73 00:03:25,317 --> 00:03:29,017 She's supposed to use obscenities every other word, 74 00:03:29,117 --> 00:03:32,750 say "fuck" and "fuck this, cunt that" the whole time? 75 00:03:32,850 --> 00:03:34,551 - You're kidding me. - No, I'm not kidding. 76 00:03:34,650 --> 00:03:37,017 - The "c" word? - It's true, I swear. 77 00:03:37,117 --> 00:03:39,417 Oh, she's been very-- she really came along 78 00:03:39,517 --> 00:03:41,783 at a good time for all of us. 79 00:03:41,883 --> 00:03:43,883 I am very impressed, Barbara, that you are here today. 80 00:03:44,017 --> 00:03:45,917 - Oh, thank you. Me too. - They've got nine kids. 81 00:03:46,017 --> 00:03:48,050 - Nine kids? Nine kids? - Yeah. Yeah. 82 00:03:48,150 --> 00:03:50,217 - Nine kids? That's unbelievable. - I know. 83 00:03:50,384 --> 00:03:52,350 Jesus, you're kidding. 84 00:03:52,417 --> 00:03:54,417 It's a little egotistical though, isn't it... 85 00:03:54,551 --> 00:03:56,417 No, it's really not up to us. 86 00:03:56,551 --> 00:03:58,417 ...To have so many of you? 87 00:03:58,551 --> 00:04:00,683 You want to bring so much more of you into the world. 88 00:04:00,817 --> 00:04:03,451 Hey hey hey, you should tell Larry about your dad's shop. 89 00:04:03,551 --> 00:04:05,683 Oh, my dad has opened this barbershop. 90 00:04:05,750 --> 00:04:08,017 He wants you both to come, special invitation. 91 00:04:08,117 --> 00:04:10,484 Completely retro, very old-school. 92 00:04:10,616 --> 00:04:12,983 - You mean, like the old barbershops? - Oh yeah, with the pole. 93 00:04:13,117 --> 00:04:14,783 I love that. what a great idea. 94 00:04:14,883 --> 00:04:16,850 - The first thing he did was get the pole. - I'm gonna go. 95 00:04:16,950 --> 00:04:18,783 - I'm gonna go with you. - does he do the hot towels? 96 00:04:18,883 --> 00:04:21,017 - Should we go to the barbershop? - I'm with you. Let's go. 97 00:04:21,117 --> 00:04:23,250 - We're gonna go. - yeah, get a cut and a shave. 98 00:04:23,317 --> 00:04:26,384 - A little aqua velva? - Like "the godfather." 99 00:04:26,484 --> 00:04:28,150 I hope that you enjoyed your lunch. 100 00:04:28,284 --> 00:04:29,683 Daviday, it was fantastic. 101 00:04:29,783 --> 00:04:31,150 Good. I want to let you know 102 00:04:31,284 --> 00:04:33,017 that we are going to send our autumn food jellies 103 00:04:33,117 --> 00:04:35,917 made of concentrated sugar, apricots 104 00:04:36,017 --> 00:04:37,783 and winter fruits and nuts. 105 00:04:37,850 --> 00:04:39,783 - Oh, delicious. - Winter fruits. 106 00:04:39,917 --> 00:04:41,750 - A nice treat, a nice treat. - Yummy. 107 00:04:41,850 --> 00:04:43,616 Now tell me, is there anything else I can do for you? 108 00:04:43,716 --> 00:04:46,217 You know what? You could wrap this up for me to take home. 109 00:04:46,317 --> 00:04:49,050 Very good. You're going to warm that up for a nice luncheon? 110 00:04:49,150 --> 00:04:52,117 Uh, no, actually. it's for the dog. 111 00:04:53,484 --> 00:04:55,150 We have a policy that we do not give food 112 00:04:55,250 --> 00:04:57,983 that was prepared for people to animals. 113 00:04:58,050 --> 00:04:59,883 Well, I'm giving this to the dog. You're not. 114 00:04:59,983 --> 00:05:02,117 So just wrap it up. I'll give it to the dog. 115 00:05:02,217 --> 00:05:04,117 No, that is the policy of the restaurant. 116 00:05:04,217 --> 00:05:06,117 All right, daviday, forget I said it. 117 00:05:06,217 --> 00:05:08,683 Just wrap it up. I'm taking it home. Okay? 118 00:05:08,783 --> 00:05:11,484 We do not give doggy bags to dogs. 119 00:05:11,583 --> 00:05:14,417 Why do you think they call it a goddamn doggy bag, huh? 120 00:05:14,517 --> 00:05:16,217 If you want to feed an animal, why don't you 121 00:05:16,317 --> 00:05:18,350 go to petco and get a bag of kibble? 122 00:05:18,451 --> 00:05:20,917 Well, I give him kibble and I like to spice it up 123 00:05:20,983 --> 00:05:23,517 - With a little steak every now and then. - I can bring you corn. 124 00:05:23,616 --> 00:05:25,983 - I don't want corn. This is my steak. - okay, you know what? 125 00:05:26,084 --> 00:05:27,150 - Hey hey hey. - What? 126 00:05:27,250 --> 00:05:29,850 You know what? I'm gonna take that home. 127 00:05:29,950 --> 00:05:33,050 - Oh, okay. - Do you mind? Do you mind? 128 00:05:33,150 --> 00:05:36,417 - You take it home. - Daviday, I'm gonna take this home. 129 00:05:36,517 --> 00:05:38,250 - Do you have an animal? - No. 130 00:05:38,350 --> 00:05:40,250 - Does he have an animal? - No. 131 00:05:40,417 --> 00:05:42,950 So you are going to eat that? 132 00:05:43,050 --> 00:05:44,050 Yes. 133 00:05:44,150 --> 00:05:46,117 - You promise me? - Yeah. 134 00:05:48,883 --> 00:05:51,917 We shall see. 135 00:05:55,084 --> 00:05:58,084 - A fucking nutjob. - "We shall see"? 136 00:05:58,184 --> 00:06:00,716 - What does that mean? -It's a little crazy 137 00:06:00,817 --> 00:06:02,817 that you can't give a doggy bag to a dog. 138 00:06:02,983 --> 00:06:05,451 - It's none of their business. - Thank you. Thank you. 139 00:06:05,583 --> 00:06:07,883 - All right, I'm going to the bathroom. - All right. 140 00:06:07,983 --> 00:06:10,050 You're excused. 141 00:06:12,883 --> 00:06:15,716 Hey, Larry. long time no see. 142 00:06:15,850 --> 00:06:17,417 - Hey, Cha Cha. - Hey. 143 00:06:17,517 --> 00:06:19,350 - Have you had the fruit plate here? - No. 144 00:06:19,484 --> 00:06:21,250 - It's excellent. - Really? 145 00:06:21,350 --> 00:06:23,417 - You have to try it. Taste this. - No, please. 146 00:06:23,517 --> 00:06:26,650 - It's the ripest cantaloupe. - I've had fruit. Fruit's fruit pretty much. 147 00:06:26,716 --> 00:06:29,350 What did you have for lunch? 148 00:06:29,451 --> 00:06:30,883 - I had some chicken. - chicken? 149 00:06:30,983 --> 00:06:33,517 Chicken and fruit go together. you can have this for dessert. 150 00:06:33,616 --> 00:06:35,417 - Okay, I gotta-- - It's really really good. 151 00:06:35,517 --> 00:06:36,917 I highly recommend it. 152 00:06:36,983 --> 00:06:39,184 Mm, that time again, huh? 153 00:06:57,250 --> 00:06:59,551 -Oh, cool, you're here. I owe you. - oh, hey. 154 00:06:59,650 --> 00:07:01,451 Good to see you, man. I was just over at Cha Cha's. 155 00:07:01,551 --> 00:07:04,084 Ooh, god, is she beautifu whew. Jesus. 156 00:07:04,184 --> 00:07:06,917 Listen, I had an idea. I want to go to a movie tomorrow night 157 00:07:07,017 --> 00:07:09,084 and maybe-- it's been a while-- let's double-date, 158 00:07:09,184 --> 00:07:10,883 Cha Cha and me and you and Cheryl. 159 00:07:10,983 --> 00:07:13,084 What do you think? 160 00:07:13,184 --> 00:07:15,451 - Uh... - Why the hesitation? 161 00:07:15,551 --> 00:07:18,184 I don't know. I mean, I don't know what our plans are. 162 00:07:18,284 --> 00:07:19,883 I'll let you know. I'll call you. 163 00:07:19,983 --> 00:07:22,084 What's wrong? 164 00:07:23,983 --> 00:07:26,917 You know, I got Cha Cha this job and all... 165 00:07:27,084 --> 00:07:29,050 Yeah, and she loves you for it. Me too, by the way. 166 00:07:29,150 --> 00:07:31,850 Yeah, well, it's not really working out for me, 167 00:07:31,917 --> 00:07:33,350 I gotta tell you. 168 00:07:33,484 --> 00:07:35,084 Why not? 169 00:07:35,184 --> 00:07:37,017 Her office is right across from the bathroom. 170 00:07:37,117 --> 00:07:39,616 - Yeah, I know. - Every time I go to the bathroom 171 00:07:39,716 --> 00:07:43,384 I have to have this-- stop and chat with her 172 00:07:43,484 --> 00:07:47,517 both before I go and after I go. It's too much. 173 00:07:47,616 --> 00:07:49,716 She means well. by the way, she's told me 174 00:07:49,817 --> 00:07:53,184 that you go to the bathroom, like, 10 to 14 times a day. 175 00:07:53,350 --> 00:07:55,650 You move your bowels, you piss... 176 00:07:55,817 --> 00:07:57,417 Are you all right? she was concerned. 177 00:07:57,517 --> 00:07:59,451 Okay, do you see what I'm saying? 178 00:07:59,551 --> 00:08:02,284 This is what I'm talking about. this is none of her business-- 179 00:08:02,417 --> 00:08:04,017 how often I go to the bathroom, 180 00:08:04,117 --> 00:08:06,551 what I'm doing in there, how long I'm in there. 181 00:08:06,650 --> 00:08:09,284 Talking to you about my personal bathroom habits-- 182 00:08:09,384 --> 00:08:12,184 that's not good, all right? it's too much. It's too much. 183 00:08:12,284 --> 00:08:15,217 Someone's got to sit there. Would you rather have a klansman sitting there? 184 00:08:15,384 --> 00:08:18,484 No, I'd rather have a stranger, frankly-- a stranger sitting there 185 00:08:18,551 --> 00:08:20,750 who I don't have to report into. 186 00:08:20,850 --> 00:08:22,983 - She cares about you. - Oh, she cares about me? 187 00:08:23,084 --> 00:08:25,817 - Yeah. - Okay, listen, it's none of her business. 188 00:08:25,917 --> 00:08:27,650 She has bowel concern for you and I do too. 189 00:08:27,750 --> 00:08:29,551 I don't need her bowel concern. 190 00:08:29,650 --> 00:08:32,084 - How much water do you drink? - I drink a lot of water, that's all. 191 00:08:32,184 --> 00:08:34,250 - Big deal. - A lot of water? You drink more than a porpoise. 192 00:08:34,350 --> 00:08:36,250 Yeah, usually I have bottles of water. 193 00:08:36,350 --> 00:08:38,683 - I don't know where they are. - no one pisses that often 194 00:08:38,817 --> 00:08:40,750 without drinking, like, thousands of gallons a week. 195 00:08:40,850 --> 00:08:42,750 Okay, all right, let's stop talking about this. 196 00:08:42,850 --> 00:08:45,551 My bathroom habits are not your concern, okay? 197 00:08:45,650 --> 00:08:47,817 All right, I won't care about your health. Fine. 198 00:08:47,917 --> 00:08:49,750 You don't need to care about-- I'm in very good health. 199 00:08:49,850 --> 00:08:51,750 - You are? - I got a beautiful colon. 200 00:08:51,850 --> 00:08:54,117 - You wanna take a picture of my colon? - I have a vhs of mine. 201 00:08:54,217 --> 00:08:56,217 Fine. You can put my colon up next to your colon. 202 00:08:56,350 --> 00:08:58,384 We'll see who's got a cleaner, healthier colon. 203 00:08:58,551 --> 00:09:00,284 I'll have a colon contest with you any time you want. 204 00:09:00,384 --> 00:09:01,983 Any time you want to have a colon contest, buddy, yeah. 205 00:09:02,117 --> 00:09:04,384 You're shitting and pissing almost 70 times a week. 206 00:09:04,484 --> 00:09:06,750 Get the hell out of here. this is ridiculous. 207 00:09:06,850 --> 00:09:08,284 She's right next to you. 208 00:09:08,384 --> 00:09:10,284 I don't want her monitoring 209 00:09:10,384 --> 00:09:13,484 my bathroom habits, okay? 210 00:09:13,583 --> 00:09:15,484 What are you eating? a lot of grains 211 00:09:15,583 --> 00:09:17,484 and fruit and nuts like a jew squirrel? 212 00:09:17,583 --> 00:09:19,650 - Okay. - where are you going? 213 00:09:19,750 --> 00:09:21,317 You're not going to the bathroom again? 214 00:09:21,417 --> 00:09:22,850 No, I'm not going to the bathroom. 215 00:09:22,950 --> 00:09:24,384 - You are going to the bathroom. - No. 216 00:09:24,484 --> 00:09:26,150 I bet you are going to the bathroom. 217 00:10:21,551 --> 00:10:23,017 So what happened? 218 00:10:23,150 --> 00:10:25,616 I flushed a toilet and it was, like, 219 00:10:25,716 --> 00:10:28,451 the loudest flush, like a sonic boom went off. 220 00:10:28,551 --> 00:10:32,417 - It just was so loud that I was thrown back. - really? 221 00:10:32,517 --> 00:10:34,417 I was trapped inside the stall 222 00:10:34,517 --> 00:10:36,517 and I'm telling you, it's killing me. 223 00:10:36,616 --> 00:10:38,817 Okay, so you're having some pain there. 224 00:10:38,883 --> 00:10:40,451 - Right ear, yeah. - Right ear, okay. 225 00:10:40,616 --> 00:10:42,583 Let me just ask you a couple other questions. 226 00:10:42,683 --> 00:10:44,250 Are you experiencing any dizziness? 227 00:10:44,350 --> 00:10:45,950 - No. - No. 228 00:10:46,050 --> 00:10:48,217 - Any shortness of breath? - No. 229 00:10:48,317 --> 00:10:50,217 - Aches and pains anywhere else? - No. 230 00:10:50,317 --> 00:10:52,117 Are you going to the bathroom a lot? 231 00:10:53,817 --> 00:10:56,917 I don't see how that's relevant, really-- 232 00:10:57,017 --> 00:10:58,384 am I going to the bathroom a lot. 233 00:10:58,517 --> 00:11:00,384 Are you urinating a lot? 234 00:11:00,517 --> 00:11:03,084 What does that have to do with my ear? 235 00:11:03,250 --> 00:11:05,451 This is a standard medical question. It's all-- 236 00:11:05,551 --> 00:11:08,284 I know, but I really don't think it's relevant 237 00:11:08,350 --> 00:11:10,150 how often I go to the bathroom. 238 00:11:10,284 --> 00:11:11,817 With all due respect, I think I'm the one 239 00:11:11,917 --> 00:11:14,184 who should tell you if it's relevant or not. And it is. 240 00:11:14,250 --> 00:11:18,250 Well, let's just say-- let's just move on. How about that? 241 00:11:18,350 --> 00:11:20,551 What, you're not gonna tell me about urination? 242 00:11:20,683 --> 00:11:22,551 I'd really rather not talk about it. 243 00:11:22,683 --> 00:11:24,983 I don't see how it's anybody's business, frankly, you know. 244 00:11:25,084 --> 00:11:27,217 It's kind of private and I really don't think-- 245 00:11:27,284 --> 00:11:29,017 - How is it private? - It's private. 246 00:11:29,117 --> 00:11:31,750 How often I go to the bathroom is kind of a private thing. 247 00:11:31,850 --> 00:11:33,817 Yeah, but I'm not some-- we're not on a bus. I'm a doctor. 248 00:11:33,917 --> 00:11:36,983 We'll just have to make a diagnosis without this information. 249 00:11:37,084 --> 00:11:38,983 I'm normal. let's just say that, okay? 250 00:11:39,084 --> 00:11:41,716 - What does "normal" mean? - Everything's normal. It's normal. 251 00:11:41,817 --> 00:11:43,616 Three times a day, four times a day? 252 00:11:43,716 --> 00:11:44,750 Do we have to get into a specific number? 253 00:11:44,883 --> 00:11:46,716 Do we have to get a number attached to it? 254 00:11:46,817 --> 00:11:49,783 - Yeah, it's science. - However often people are supposed to go, I go, 255 00:11:49,883 --> 00:11:51,917 unless I drink a lot of water. And, you know, 256 00:11:51,983 --> 00:11:55,084 sometimes I drink a lot of water and I'll go a lot. 257 00:11:55,184 --> 00:11:57,417 If you had an office next to the bathroom and it was one of those days 258 00:11:57,517 --> 00:11:59,650 I was drinking a lot of water, you'd say, "boy, this guy goes a lot." 259 00:11:59,716 --> 00:12:01,384 but so what? so what? 260 00:12:01,484 --> 00:12:03,217 - What are you talking about? - I'm talking about, 261 00:12:03,350 --> 00:12:05,217 you know, urination frequency 262 00:12:05,350 --> 00:12:07,217 if I happen to be drinking a lot of water, 263 00:12:07,350 --> 00:12:09,750 which I have been doing lately, so maybe lately 264 00:12:09,850 --> 00:12:11,551 I've been going more often than I normally would. 265 00:12:11,650 --> 00:12:13,284 - Great. - But it's good for you 266 00:12:13,384 --> 00:12:15,350 to drink water. that's a good thing. 267 00:12:15,451 --> 00:12:17,650 - That's all I wanted to hear. - That's a good thing, drinking water. 268 00:12:17,750 --> 00:12:19,917 Yes, sure sure. okay, let's move on. 269 00:12:20,084 --> 00:12:21,117 Please. 270 00:12:21,250 --> 00:12:23,451 How's your stool? 271 00:12:24,983 --> 00:12:27,451 - Please. - Stool's fine. Let's move on. 272 00:12:27,551 --> 00:12:29,451 - All right. - You know, again, 273 00:12:29,551 --> 00:12:31,484 I mean, if I do drink a lot of water, 274 00:12:31,583 --> 00:12:34,484 I eat a lot of salad too. so that's good. 275 00:12:34,583 --> 00:12:36,317 It's normal, okay? is it more than once a day? 276 00:12:36,451 --> 00:12:38,917 Many times it is, yeah. more than twice a day? 277 00:12:39,017 --> 00:12:40,950 Sometimes, you know. who knows? 278 00:12:41,084 --> 00:12:43,583 If you had an office next to the bathroom and I was going 279 00:12:43,650 --> 00:12:46,017 and you looked at your watch and you saw how long I was in there, 280 00:12:46,117 --> 00:12:48,284 you might say, "oh, boy, he goes a lot." 281 00:12:48,451 --> 00:12:50,217 but so what? That's good. That's a good thing. 282 00:12:50,350 --> 00:12:52,750 - All right, I apologize for-- - let's just-- can we get to the ear? 283 00:12:52,850 --> 00:12:56,117 Sure sure. So here's-- it's pretty simple, really. I'm gonna suggest-- 284 00:12:56,284 --> 00:12:58,350 I'm exhausted from being here, 285 00:12:58,451 --> 00:13:00,350 you know, having to talk about my stool, 286 00:13:00,451 --> 00:13:03,750 how often I'm urinating. I mean, you know, my ear hurts. 287 00:13:03,883 --> 00:13:06,050 Okay, here's what I'm gonna suggest for your ear: 288 00:13:06,150 --> 00:13:07,317 you just basically stay off it. 289 00:13:07,417 --> 00:13:08,783 Use your left ear to talk on the phone 290 00:13:08,950 --> 00:13:12,650 if you need to for some reason favor an ear, favor the left one. 291 00:13:12,750 --> 00:13:14,583 Don't use the phone from my right ear? 292 00:13:14,750 --> 00:13:16,417 Yeah. I mean, you just want to limit 293 00:13:16,551 --> 00:13:18,317 the amount of noise that goes into it. 294 00:13:18,484 --> 00:13:20,317 You want me to talk lefty? 295 00:13:20,451 --> 00:13:22,217 Yeah, just talk lefty. 296 00:13:22,317 --> 00:13:24,084 I have a hard time talking lefty on the phone. 297 00:13:24,184 --> 00:13:26,484 Everything comes out wrong. It's like throwing lefty. I can't do it. 298 00:13:26,583 --> 00:13:29,850 I'm not myself. I feel different, strange, like I'm not me. 299 00:13:29,950 --> 00:13:33,650 I'm not comfortable talking lefty. 300 00:13:33,750 --> 00:13:37,551 All I can do is give you my expert opinion, okay? 301 00:13:37,750 --> 00:13:40,250 So that's what I'm suggesting. I'm suggesting you stay off the right ear. 302 00:13:40,417 --> 00:13:41,883 Okay, fine. I'll talk lefty. 303 00:13:42,017 --> 00:13:43,783 And I also think it wouldn't hurt you 304 00:13:43,883 --> 00:13:45,783 to talk to your therapist about your bathroom issues, 305 00:13:45,850 --> 00:13:48,150 'cause there's clearly something going on there. 306 00:13:48,284 --> 00:13:49,317 Okay? 307 00:13:49,417 --> 00:13:52,384 I think I'd like to see somebody else. 308 00:13:52,484 --> 00:13:54,050 All right. that's your right. Fine. 309 00:13:54,150 --> 00:13:55,950 Is there somebody in the office I could see? 310 00:13:56,050 --> 00:13:57,950 Now? 311 00:13:58,050 --> 00:14:00,050 No no, you have to make an appointment. 312 00:14:01,917 --> 00:14:04,317 This isn't mcdonald's, okay? 313 00:14:04,384 --> 00:14:06,317 Okay, fine. 314 00:14:06,384 --> 00:14:07,950 - Okay, all right. - Okay, thank you. 315 00:14:08,017 --> 00:14:10,017 Thank you. 316 00:14:17,750 --> 00:14:19,750 What the fuck are you looking at, jewboy? 317 00:14:21,384 --> 00:14:23,117 Fucking faggot. 318 00:14:25,317 --> 00:14:27,017 That's right, keep walking. 319 00:14:36,217 --> 00:14:38,417 - Hey. - Come on, let's deal with it. 320 00:14:38,484 --> 00:14:41,417 - Can we talk to you? - What? Wow. Hey hey. 321 00:14:41,551 --> 00:14:44,050 - I like Cheryl. She's sweet, but... - yeah. 322 00:14:44,184 --> 00:14:47,417 She's nice, but the toilet paper... 323 00:14:47,517 --> 00:14:50,417 I've never seen no toilet paper like that. 324 00:14:50,517 --> 00:14:51,983 Have you been to port authority before, 325 00:14:52,117 --> 00:14:53,417 - The port authority in new york city? - Yeah. 326 00:14:53,517 --> 00:14:55,417 That's what it feels like. 327 00:14:55,517 --> 00:14:57,616 - Real close. - I said the same thing the other day. 328 00:14:57,683 --> 00:14:59,883 - Mm-hmm. - Did you get that from me? 329 00:15:00,050 --> 00:15:03,317 - Yeah. - Y'all got some funny kind of toilet paper here. 330 00:15:03,417 --> 00:15:05,616 - We can't deal with this toilet paper. - Hey, tell me about it. 331 00:15:05,683 --> 00:15:07,583 - You know what I mean? It's rough. - It's rough. 332 00:15:07,683 --> 00:15:10,150 Well, you know, it's an environmental thing. 333 00:15:10,217 --> 00:15:13,050 She's doing it for the environment. What can I do? 334 00:15:13,217 --> 00:15:15,850 Can you do us a favor? Can we get some soft toilet paper to use? 335 00:15:15,950 --> 00:15:18,250 - All right, okay. - The babies' behinds are hurting. 336 00:15:18,350 --> 00:15:20,250 All right. 337 00:15:20,350 --> 00:15:22,950 Here's what I'm gonna suggest: 338 00:15:23,084 --> 00:15:25,883 - You want soft paper? - Oh, yes. No doubt. 339 00:15:25,983 --> 00:15:28,783 - I'll get you your soft toilet paper... - okay, cool. 340 00:15:28,883 --> 00:15:32,250 ...Under one condition-- 341 00:15:32,350 --> 00:15:35,017 I want access to the toilet. 342 00:15:35,117 --> 00:15:37,384 - You want to use our bathroom? - So what you're saying is, 343 00:15:37,517 --> 00:15:39,084 you want to come in our bathroom and use our bathroom? 344 00:15:39,184 --> 00:15:40,650 You got it. 345 00:15:40,716 --> 00:15:42,650 - I want some soft toilet paper. - okay, fine. 346 00:15:42,783 --> 00:15:45,184 - It's all about the tissue. - Okay, you have a deal. 347 00:15:45,284 --> 00:15:48,017 - Auntie Rae, all right. - Deal. 348 00:15:48,150 --> 00:15:50,551 - My man. - Leon. Oh, hey, by the way, 349 00:15:50,616 --> 00:15:53,384 if Cheryl finds out, 350 00:15:53,484 --> 00:15:55,917 you're all going down with me. 351 00:15:56,017 --> 00:15:57,850 - We got your back. - We got your back. 352 00:15:57,950 --> 00:15:59,817 - Cool. - What it is what it is. 353 00:15:59,917 --> 00:16:01,817 Leon, come here. I need to talk to you. 354 00:16:01,917 --> 00:16:03,084 What's going down, Larry? 355 00:16:03,217 --> 00:16:06,184 Listen to this, all right? 356 00:16:06,284 --> 00:16:07,850 I'm in a doctor's office earlier, 357 00:16:07,917 --> 00:16:10,650 there's a guy sitting there, a skinhead, okay? 358 00:16:10,750 --> 00:16:12,551 He looks at me and he says, 359 00:16:12,650 --> 00:16:15,117 "what the fuck are you looking at, jewboy?" 360 00:16:15,284 --> 00:16:16,384 - What? - "Fucking faggot." 361 00:16:16,517 --> 00:16:19,716 what? okay, what'd you do? 362 00:16:19,817 --> 00:16:22,184 - What'd I do? - Yeah, what'd you do? 363 00:16:22,350 --> 00:16:24,683 I slunk out. 364 00:16:24,750 --> 00:16:26,050 You slunk out? 365 00:16:26,117 --> 00:16:27,750 Slunk. I slunk out. 366 00:16:27,850 --> 00:16:29,583 So you didn't do shit and you punked out. 367 00:16:29,750 --> 00:16:31,284 That's what the fuck happened, right? 368 00:16:31,384 --> 00:16:32,950 Yeah, I punked out. I punked out. 369 00:16:33,084 --> 00:16:34,850 - How'd that happen? - Well, what was I gonna do? 370 00:16:34,950 --> 00:16:36,117 The guy could have killed me. 371 00:16:36,284 --> 00:16:37,850 Next time a man calls you a fucking faggot, 372 00:16:37,950 --> 00:16:40,384 you get in that ass, Larry. know what I mean? 373 00:16:40,484 --> 00:16:42,750 You get in that ass, Larry. that's what the fuck you do. 374 00:16:42,850 --> 00:16:44,650 - What are you talking about? - You let that man slide today. 375 00:16:44,750 --> 00:16:47,650 You gotta immediately get in somebody's ass when that happens to you. 376 00:16:47,750 --> 00:16:49,284 You pull their asshole open, 377 00:16:49,451 --> 00:16:51,451 step into their asshole, close the door behind you, 378 00:16:51,551 --> 00:16:53,484 - pick up your spray-paint can, right? - uh-huh. 379 00:16:53,551 --> 00:16:55,484 "Larry was here." you spray-paint 380 00:16:55,551 --> 00:16:58,417 "Larry was here," "wash me," all that kind of shit, 381 00:16:58,517 --> 00:17:00,317 fuck his whole asshole up, eat some snickers bar, 382 00:17:00,417 --> 00:17:02,217 throw some paper on the floor, read a newspaper, 383 00:17:02,317 --> 00:17:04,683 ball the paper up, the newspaper, and throw the newspaper on the floor, 384 00:17:04,783 --> 00:17:06,917 fuck his whole asshole up, you know what I'm saying? 385 00:17:07,050 --> 00:17:08,417 Then you open that asshole one more time-- 386 00:17:08,551 --> 00:17:10,850 open it again, open that asshole again - uhh! 387 00:17:11,017 --> 00:17:13,750 Step out of his ass and leave that motherfucker wide open, 388 00:17:13,850 --> 00:17:15,850 - So he knows you've been there. - Open it up, 389 00:17:16,017 --> 00:17:17,117 - Step in. - Step in their asshole. 390 00:17:17,217 --> 00:17:19,017 - Spray-paint "Larry was here." - "Larry was here." 391 00:17:19,117 --> 00:17:22,084 - Leave garbage, snickers, eat snickers, leave garbage. - Spit, fuck it. 392 00:17:22,184 --> 00:17:23,284 - Get out. - Mm! 393 00:17:23,451 --> 00:17:25,484 - Open it up again. - Step out their asshole. 394 00:17:25,583 --> 00:17:27,451 - Step out. - Don't even close that motherfucker. 395 00:17:27,551 --> 00:17:29,184 Leave it open so he knows you've been there. 396 00:17:29,284 --> 00:17:31,117 - You feel me? - I got you. 397 00:17:31,217 --> 00:17:33,117 That's how you handle people. 398 00:17:33,217 --> 00:17:35,317 Mm! get in that ass, Larry. 399 00:17:35,417 --> 00:17:36,750 - Don't worry. - All right. 400 00:17:38,384 --> 00:17:40,284 I hope you don't get me killed. 401 00:17:40,384 --> 00:17:42,517 My man. 402 00:18:03,117 --> 00:18:05,484 -Hello? - Hey, is Richard there? 403 00:18:05,583 --> 00:18:08,517 Uh, no, he's not. is this Larry? 404 00:18:08,616 --> 00:18:09,983 Yeah. 405 00:18:10,050 --> 00:18:12,050 - This is Cha Cha. - Ah. 406 00:18:12,217 --> 00:18:14,050 - Cha Cha. 407 00:18:14,150 --> 00:18:17,017 Hi, Larry. You just caught me in the middle of a workout. 408 00:18:17,117 --> 00:18:18,783 So I'm calling about the movies. 409 00:18:18,883 --> 00:18:20,417 Yeah, the movies, right. 410 00:18:20,517 --> 00:18:22,850 You know, we were talking about-- wouldn't it be great 411 00:18:22,950 --> 00:18:24,517 if we could all go to a really nice dinner 412 00:18:24,650 --> 00:18:26,650 in one of those fancy-schmancy joints? 413 00:18:26,750 --> 00:18:30,683 Okay, I'll tell-- I'll tell Cheryl. 414 00:18:30,783 --> 00:18:31,850 Great. 415 00:18:31,950 --> 00:18:34,184 What are you wearing? 416 00:18:37,950 --> 00:18:39,417 What am I wearing right now? 417 00:18:39,517 --> 00:18:41,783 Yeah, what are you wearing? 418 00:18:41,883 --> 00:18:45,650 You're making me uncomfortable, Larry. 419 00:18:50,384 --> 00:18:52,650 - I'm gonna hang up right now. 420 00:18:52,783 --> 00:18:54,350 I'm gonna hang up right now. 421 00:18:54,451 --> 00:18:56,350 - Goodbye. - Bye. 422 00:19:00,817 --> 00:19:03,683 I am loving this place. Jeff, how great is this place? 423 00:19:03,783 --> 00:19:05,883 It's unbelievable. I'm having a great time. 424 00:19:05,983 --> 00:19:07,817 It's like my old barbershop in brooklyn. 425 00:19:07,917 --> 00:19:09,451 Yeah, reminds me of the old days, you know. 426 00:19:09,551 --> 00:19:12,217 I like the whole snip-snip thing, the sound of it. 427 00:19:12,350 --> 00:19:14,983 I think I can do it too. it doesn't look that hard. 428 00:19:15,117 --> 00:19:16,983 You know, it's like the bongos-- who can't do that? 429 00:19:17,117 --> 00:19:18,484 You know what I mean? 430 00:19:18,616 --> 00:19:20,284 - Yeah. - Anybody can play the bongos, come on. 431 00:19:20,384 --> 00:19:23,716 Do you have to be that skilled to bang on something? 432 00:19:23,817 --> 00:19:26,650 - Come on, how hard is that? - I never thought of that. 433 00:19:26,750 --> 00:19:28,817 When was the last time you saw Burt? 434 00:19:28,917 --> 00:19:31,384 Oh, I just had lunch with him 435 00:19:31,451 --> 00:19:33,084 the other day, him and Barbara. 436 00:19:33,184 --> 00:19:34,983 You notice anything different about them? 437 00:19:35,084 --> 00:19:37,451 No. 438 00:19:37,551 --> 00:19:40,517 'Cause she just had a miscarriage. 439 00:19:40,650 --> 00:19:42,017 - Really? - Yeah. 440 00:19:42,150 --> 00:19:44,650 It's a shame. 441 00:19:44,750 --> 00:19:46,184 Shame? 442 00:19:46,284 --> 00:19:48,451 They do have nine kids. 443 00:19:53,650 --> 00:19:55,217 - That's it? - Yep. 444 00:19:55,284 --> 00:19:57,750 Wow, that was pretty fast. 445 00:19:59,217 --> 00:20:01,184 You haven't taken anything off. 446 00:20:02,184 --> 00:20:04,184 Hey! 447 00:20:12,616 --> 00:20:14,616 I'm good. 448 00:20:19,050 --> 00:20:20,817 Where the hell have you been? 449 00:20:20,917 --> 00:20:22,484 I've been calling you all goddamn day. 450 00:20:22,583 --> 00:20:24,950 - We were getting a haircut. - This is a bag of shit. 451 00:20:25,050 --> 00:20:27,817 Oscar's been shitting. I've been cleaning up shit all day. 452 00:20:27,883 --> 00:20:30,217 He ate those leftovers that that asshole gave us. 453 00:20:30,317 --> 00:20:33,184 - Really? - "We shall see." 454 00:20:33,284 --> 00:20:36,384 - "We shall see." Daviday. - That little piece of shit. 455 00:20:36,484 --> 00:20:38,750 - Is that possible, that that nut did that? - Yes yes. 456 00:20:38,850 --> 00:20:41,484 - he put crap in there. He put something in there. - jesus christ. 457 00:20:41,583 --> 00:20:43,217 - is he throwing up too? - what a psycho. 458 00:20:43,350 --> 00:20:45,350 You gotta go down there and tell this motherfucker 459 00:20:45,451 --> 00:20:47,250 - You're gonna kick his ass. - Oh, yeah. 460 00:20:47,350 --> 00:20:49,850 No, wait a second. he can't go down there. 461 00:20:49,983 --> 00:20:52,150 - Why? - Because I took the food home. 462 00:20:52,317 --> 00:20:55,683 - I promised him that I would eat it. - all right, you go down there. 463 00:20:55,783 --> 00:20:57,683 - You go. - Yeah, better idea: 464 00:20:57,783 --> 00:20:59,650 you go, Larry. you go tell him 465 00:20:59,750 --> 00:21:01,583 that you've been shitting all over yourself all day, 466 00:21:01,683 --> 00:21:03,817 shitting in your pants, you can't make it to the toilet, 467 00:21:03,917 --> 00:21:05,650 you got shit running down your leg. 468 00:21:05,750 --> 00:21:06,950 Why can't I make it to the toilet? 469 00:21:07,050 --> 00:21:09,017 Because it's more dramatic that way. 470 00:21:09,117 --> 00:21:11,583 I don't wanna tell a guy I got shit running down my leg. 471 00:21:11,683 --> 00:21:14,017 All right, tell him whatever the fuck you want. Tell him you've been 472 00:21:14,117 --> 00:21:16,117 - Sick sick sick as a dog, okay? - All right. 473 00:21:16,217 --> 00:21:17,817 I'm gonna go to the restaurant right now, 474 00:21:17,917 --> 00:21:19,583 - See what he says. - Go! 475 00:21:19,716 --> 00:21:22,484 - You know, these waiters are nuts. - He's nuts. 476 00:21:22,583 --> 00:21:24,950 You can't get on a waiter's bad side. They'll do anything. 477 00:21:25,050 --> 00:21:27,250 - I never said anything back. - you gotta be so nice to 'em. 478 00:21:27,384 --> 00:21:28,683 You gotta leave a good tip. 479 00:21:28,783 --> 00:21:30,650 - Jeff, throw this out. - you throw it out. 480 00:21:30,750 --> 00:21:32,950 - You throw it out. I've been cleaning-- - no, you got gloves. 481 00:21:33,050 --> 00:21:34,750 - I've been cleaning this shit. - you got gloves! 482 00:21:34,850 --> 00:21:37,683 - Throw it out. - Aw, fuck. 483 00:21:47,350 --> 00:21:49,783 Hello, daviday. 484 00:21:49,883 --> 00:21:52,950 Hello, Larry. nice to see you again. 485 00:21:53,084 --> 00:21:56,250 Good to see you, daviday. 486 00:21:56,350 --> 00:21:59,017 You know, I ate the leftovers 487 00:21:59,084 --> 00:22:02,384 and I just want you to know 488 00:22:02,517 --> 00:22:04,783 I got sick from them. 489 00:22:04,883 --> 00:22:06,650 Now when you say that you got sick, do you mean 490 00:22:06,783 --> 00:22:08,417 that the animal got sick or that you got sick? 491 00:22:08,517 --> 00:22:10,184 - No no, I got sick. - You got sick? 492 00:22:10,284 --> 00:22:12,184 Yes, and I'm just kind of wondering 493 00:22:12,284 --> 00:22:14,250 if the food 494 00:22:14,350 --> 00:22:18,084 perhaps was tampered with. 495 00:22:18,184 --> 00:22:20,817 Well, it most certainly was not tampered with. 496 00:22:20,883 --> 00:22:22,616 - Really? - Absolutely. 497 00:22:22,716 --> 00:22:24,616 Are you sure? 498 00:22:24,716 --> 00:22:26,250 I'm very sure. 499 00:22:41,983 --> 00:22:44,917 - I don't believe you. - Larry, how can you accuse me of that? 500 00:22:45,084 --> 00:22:47,084 Because I was sick. I was running to the bathroom all day. 501 00:22:47,184 --> 00:22:48,417 - All day? - All day. 502 00:22:48,517 --> 00:22:50,551 - Oh, really? I see. - Really. Yeah. 503 00:22:50,650 --> 00:22:52,451 Aha. Cha Cha? 504 00:22:54,551 --> 00:22:56,184 Come here for a moment, please. 505 00:22:58,783 --> 00:23:01,716 Larry doesn't feel well. He said that his bowels are irregular. 506 00:23:01,817 --> 00:23:04,817 How many times has Larry gone to the bathroom today? 507 00:23:04,917 --> 00:23:07,217 Twice so far, 508 00:23:07,284 --> 00:23:08,817 two minutes each time. 509 00:23:08,917 --> 00:23:10,917 Thank you. 510 00:23:12,451 --> 00:23:15,850 Larry, that does not sound like a man who's sick at all. 511 00:23:32,616 --> 00:23:34,350 What's up, l.D.? 512 00:23:34,451 --> 00:23:37,350 Um... 513 00:23:37,451 --> 00:23:40,117 I'm just gonna use the bathroom. 514 00:23:40,284 --> 00:23:41,850 - What? - Hmm? 515 00:23:41,950 --> 00:23:46,350 Bathroom. I'm gonna use the bathroom. 516 00:24:15,917 --> 00:24:17,384 What are you doing in there? 517 00:24:17,484 --> 00:24:21,850 The toilet wasn't working properly. 518 00:24:21,950 --> 00:24:24,484 - So you fixed it? - I did, actually, yeah. 519 00:24:24,583 --> 00:24:27,650 - Oh, okay, great. - I had to just jiggle it around. 520 00:24:27,750 --> 00:24:29,484 Oh, okay. so it's l-- 521 00:24:29,583 --> 00:24:31,583 Hey, stay here for a second. no no, I just want to see 522 00:24:31,650 --> 00:24:32,750 your handiwork. hold on. 523 00:24:32,850 --> 00:24:36,484 Hey, don't go anywhere. don't go anywhere. 524 00:24:36,551 --> 00:24:38,384 Oh, wait a second. 525 00:24:38,484 --> 00:24:41,284 Larry? 526 00:24:41,451 --> 00:24:43,750 Do you know how many millions of virgin trees 527 00:24:43,917 --> 00:24:45,917 are cut down to make this toilet paper, 528 00:24:46,017 --> 00:24:47,683 which is contributing to global warming, 529 00:24:47,783 --> 00:24:49,850 which is causing hurricanes, which is why you're here? 530 00:24:49,950 --> 00:24:52,484 Do you have any idea what I'm talking about, Larry? 531 00:24:52,583 --> 00:24:54,417 - Yeah, that's what I was telling them. - This isn't the kind 532 00:24:54,484 --> 00:24:56,217 - Of toilet paper we use in this house. - No, it's not. 533 00:24:56,317 --> 00:24:58,583 We use recycled post-consumer toilet paper. 534 00:24:58,683 --> 00:25:02,551 - That's what I've been trying-- - so why do we have tons of toilet paper in this bathroom? 535 00:25:02,650 --> 00:25:06,317 And why were you in this bathroom using this toilet paper? 536 00:25:06,451 --> 00:25:08,917 Again, the toilet was broken, 537 00:25:09,017 --> 00:25:11,017 but they asked me-- they were very unhappy-- 538 00:25:11,117 --> 00:25:13,950 - We asked you? hold there, hold up. 539 00:25:14,017 --> 00:25:16,650 You liars, you were complaining about the toilet paper. 540 00:25:16,750 --> 00:25:19,050 - He wanted access to our bathroom. - Auntie Rae, 541 00:25:19,150 --> 00:25:22,117 don't blame this on me, auntie Rae. 542 00:25:27,417 --> 00:25:30,117 Hey, david, come down here, pervo. 543 00:25:30,284 --> 00:25:32,417 Come down here, you fucking pervo. 544 00:25:32,484 --> 00:25:35,117 What? What are you talking about? How did you get in? 545 00:25:35,217 --> 00:25:36,850 The fucking door. How else do you think I got in? 546 00:25:36,950 --> 00:25:38,850 This kid has got to stop leaving the door open, man. 547 00:25:38,950 --> 00:25:41,050 This is it. If I didn't know you my whole life, 548 00:25:41,117 --> 00:25:42,850 you know what? I'd attack you right now. 549 00:25:42,950 --> 00:25:45,484 - What are you talking about? - You called my girlfriend 550 00:25:45,583 --> 00:25:47,484 and hit on her and she doesn't respond 551 00:25:47,583 --> 00:25:49,817 - And you fucking get her fired, you fucking piece of shit. - what? 552 00:25:49,950 --> 00:25:51,850 First of all, I never hit on her. 553 00:25:51,950 --> 00:25:54,883 - And what are you talking about, "fired"? - Burt's dad at the barbershop. 554 00:25:54,983 --> 00:25:57,950 You made that fucking miscarriage remark. So he fired her 555 00:25:58,050 --> 00:26:00,050 because he wants nothing to do with anybody that knows you. 556 00:26:00,150 --> 00:26:01,950 Oh, he's supposed to be getting back at me? 557 00:26:02,050 --> 00:26:03,950 Who are you to tell him how many kids to have? 558 00:26:04,050 --> 00:26:05,616 She's got nine kids. come on, that's plenty. 559 00:26:05,750 --> 00:26:07,250 - She wants more children. - How many does she need? 560 00:26:07,384 --> 00:26:09,150 Who the fuck are you, the messiah, to count? 561 00:26:09,217 --> 00:26:11,050 I got news for you. that's enough. By the way, 562 00:26:11,150 --> 00:26:12,517 in china you're allowed two. 563 00:26:12,583 --> 00:26:14,484 - Those people would be killed in china. - China what? 564 00:26:14,583 --> 00:26:15,783 Two-- two babies in china. 565 00:26:15,850 --> 00:26:17,150 What happens if you have three? 566 00:26:17,284 --> 00:26:19,317 - They execute you. - They kill the baby? 567 00:26:19,417 --> 00:26:21,683 Not the baby, idiot. they kill the parents. 568 00:26:21,783 --> 00:26:23,317 Get out of here. 569 00:26:23,417 --> 00:26:26,050 Well, maybe they don't execute, but they give you a good dressing-down. 570 00:26:26,150 --> 00:26:28,350 How dare you lose my girlfriend's job? 571 00:26:28,451 --> 00:26:29,783 She lost her health insurance, 572 00:26:29,950 --> 00:26:31,517 she has no self-worth anymore. 573 00:26:31,616 --> 00:26:34,117 - She lost her self-worth? oh, really? - that's right. 574 00:26:34,250 --> 00:26:36,983 You get on that goddamn telephone and you get my girlfriend's job back. 575 00:26:37,050 --> 00:26:38,983 You call Burt and you apologize. 576 00:26:39,050 --> 00:26:40,983 Okay, I'll make that call under one condition: 577 00:26:41,150 --> 00:26:42,883 I want to be able to use your bathroom 578 00:26:42,983 --> 00:26:45,250 - On the way to work in the morning. - Sit on my toilet? 579 00:26:45,384 --> 00:26:46,883 - Yeah. - There's no fucking way. 580 00:26:46,950 --> 00:26:48,883 - Why? - Nobody sits on Richard lewis's toilet. 581 00:26:48,950 --> 00:26:51,384 - You use every toilet in the house? - That's right. I rotate. 582 00:26:51,484 --> 00:26:53,883 - I can't use the basement? - no, that's for weekends. 583 00:26:53,950 --> 00:26:55,317 I have no place to go to the bathroom. 584 00:26:55,417 --> 00:26:56,650 I can't go here, I can't go at work. 585 00:26:56,783 --> 00:26:58,517 You just make the goddamn call. You owe me. 586 00:26:58,683 --> 00:27:00,551 - Jesus christ. - I'll try. 587 00:27:00,683 --> 00:27:01,950 - That's all I can do. - Yeah, fine. 588 00:27:02,050 --> 00:27:04,084 Just get her her job back. 589 00:27:09,683 --> 00:27:11,317 What are you doing? I want a righty call. 590 00:27:11,417 --> 00:27:12,850 What's this lefty bullshit? 591 00:27:12,950 --> 00:27:15,583 I want a righty call. 592 00:27:15,683 --> 00:27:17,517 Jesus christ. 593 00:27:19,683 --> 00:27:21,850 - Hello? - Oh, hey, Barbara? 594 00:27:21,950 --> 00:27:23,484 - Yes. - Hey, it's Larry david. 595 00:27:23,583 --> 00:27:25,783 Oh, hi, Larry. 596 00:27:25,883 --> 00:27:28,750 Fuck you! 597 00:27:35,184 --> 00:27:37,783 The woman's out of her mind, screaming in my ear like that. 598 00:27:37,883 --> 00:27:39,783 Can you imagine? fuck. 599 00:27:39,883 --> 00:27:42,250 Thanks for taking me, by the way. 600 00:27:42,350 --> 00:27:45,250 You're damn right, man. It's a big favor I'm doing your ass, man. 601 00:27:45,350 --> 00:27:47,250 There's the building. pull over. 602 00:27:47,350 --> 00:27:49,417 All right. 603 00:27:49,517 --> 00:27:53,883 Okay, park the car and come up, okay? 604 00:27:53,983 --> 00:27:55,517 His name's dr. Schaeffer. 605 00:27:55,616 --> 00:27:58,150 Dr. Schaeffer. all right. 606 00:28:06,117 --> 00:28:07,950 So you're all set, actually. 607 00:28:08,050 --> 00:28:10,050 We'll see you next wednesday. 608 00:28:14,217 --> 00:28:15,750 You get in that ass. 609 00:28:15,850 --> 00:28:17,284 You get in his ass immediately. 610 00:28:17,384 --> 00:28:19,650 - Get in that ass, Larry. - Hey! 611 00:28:19,750 --> 00:28:21,650 Come on, you fucking skinhead, 612 00:28:21,750 --> 00:28:23,017 you piece of shit, let's go! 613 00:28:23,117 --> 00:28:26,084 He is not a skinhead. He just came out of chemotherapy. 614 00:28:34,084 --> 00:28:35,917 - Sorry. - asshole. 615 00:28:39,384 --> 00:28:41,683 - Hey, skinhead! - Stop it. I'm not a skinhead! 616 00:28:41,783 --> 00:28:44,683 - Leon! No, Leon! 617 00:28:44,783 --> 00:28:46,217 Leon, no! 618 00:28:46,317 --> 00:28:47,950 - MOTHERFUCKER! STOP IT!