1 00:00:00,400 --> 00:00:05,100 Episode 5x03 : The Christ Nail 2 00:00:14,400 --> 00:00:16,500 How do those feel to you ? 3 00:00:16,500 --> 00:00:18,000 Well, they feel pretty good. 4 00:00:18,600 --> 00:00:20,100 I kinda like these orthotics. 5 00:00:20,100 --> 00:00:22,100 Yeah, they're really going to help. 6 00:00:24,900 --> 00:00:26,900 Boy, they sure make a lot of noise. 7 00:00:28,200 --> 00:00:30,200 They take a while to work in. 8 00:00:41,900 --> 00:00:43,400 Ah, Jesús ! 9 00:00:45,900 --> 00:00:46,900 How are you ? 10 00:00:48,500 --> 00:00:50,100 - Everything okay ? - Si. 11 00:00:50,100 --> 00:00:51,100 Yeah ? 12 00:00:52,000 --> 00:00:53,700 You seem a little down. 13 00:00:53,700 --> 00:00:54,900 No, I.. I okay. 14 00:00:54,900 --> 00:00:56,300 - You okay ? - Si. 15 00:00:56,300 --> 00:00:57,900 Can you do me a favor ? 16 00:00:57,900 --> 00:00:59,800 Small favor, okay ? 17 00:00:59,800 --> 00:01:02,000 Small favor... it's hardly even a favor. 18 00:01:02,000 --> 00:01:04,600 You work here, actually, so it's part of your job. 19 00:01:04,600 --> 00:01:06,500 Either way, it's still a favor. Okay. 20 00:01:06,500 --> 00:01:08,200 So I got, uh... 21 00:01:08,200 --> 00:01:09,800 see this thing ? 22 00:01:09,800 --> 00:01:11,500 It's a mezuzah. 23 00:01:11,500 --> 00:01:12,800 Got that ? 24 00:01:12,800 --> 00:01:15,600 And I need you to put it 25 00:01:15,600 --> 00:01:17,800 over the door here. 26 00:01:17,800 --> 00:01:19,700 This is like a jewish thing. 27 00:01:19,700 --> 00:01:21,800 You know, we put it over the door 28 00:01:21,800 --> 00:01:25,100 so every anti-semite in the neighborhood will know that we live here 29 00:01:25,100 --> 00:01:26,900 in case they wanna burn down the house. 30 00:01:26,900 --> 00:01:28,600 Anyway, you just need a nail. 31 00:01:28,600 --> 00:01:30,300 Get a nail, hammer and a nail, 32 00:01:30,300 --> 00:01:32,200 - put it up. - Si, mezuzah. 33 00:01:32,200 --> 00:01:33,300 Yeah, mezuzah. 34 00:01:33,300 --> 00:01:34,700 I don't... I don't know what it does, really. 35 00:01:34,700 --> 00:01:37,500 But anyway, because my father's coming to visit, 36 00:01:37,500 --> 00:01:40,300 he'll be upset if he doesn't see it up there. 37 00:01:40,300 --> 00:01:43,200 He's a little hard-of-hearing, so when you talk to him, talk loud. 38 00:01:43,200 --> 00:01:44,800 He's losing his hearing. 39 00:01:44,800 --> 00:01:46,300 - Okay ? - Okay. 40 00:01:46,300 --> 00:01:47,600 So you just speak up a little bit 41 00:01:47,600 --> 00:01:49,700 "Hello, hello !" You know. 42 00:01:49,700 --> 00:01:54,200 - "Hello ! Hello !" - Yeah, "How do you feel, Mr. David ?" 43 00:01:55,700 --> 00:01:57,700 "How do you feel, Mr. David ?" 44 00:01:57,700 --> 00:02:00,100 That's good. That's good, Jesús. 45 00:02:00,100 --> 00:02:03,100 By the way, Jesús... Jesus... either one ? 46 00:02:03,800 --> 00:02:05,100 Either one, si. 47 00:02:05,100 --> 00:02:05,800 It's okay. 48 00:02:05,800 --> 00:02:07,900 - Same thing. - Si. 49 00:02:07,900 --> 00:02:09,600 Okay, okay. 50 00:02:09,600 --> 00:02:12,600 - I do mezuzah. - Okay, great. 51 00:02:12,700 --> 00:02:14,200 What happened to your leg ? 52 00:02:15,700 --> 00:02:18,700 It hurts on the bottom of my feet. 53 00:02:18,800 --> 00:02:20,500 I have the exact same thing ! 54 00:02:21,200 --> 00:02:23,400 Do you want your life changed, Jesus ? 55 00:02:23,400 --> 00:02:25,100 Huh ? Okay. 56 00:02:25,100 --> 00:02:26,500 See this ? 57 00:02:26,500 --> 00:02:27,900 It's called an orthotic. 58 00:02:27,900 --> 00:02:29,900 Just put 'em in the bottom of your shoe, 59 00:02:31,100 --> 00:02:34,100 and that's it. - No no no, I do the mezuzah 60 00:02:35,600 --> 00:02:36,600 Try them on ! 61 00:02:36,600 --> 00:02:37,400 Tell him, Maria. 62 00:02:37,400 --> 00:02:38,700 Honey... 63 00:02:38,700 --> 00:02:41,400 What could it hurt ? It make you feel better. 64 00:02:41,400 --> 00:02:43,600 - Okay. - All right, okay, there you go. 65 00:02:43,600 --> 00:02:47,100 - Okay. - It's a good idea. Gracias, Mr. Larry. 66 00:02:47,100 --> 00:02:50,000 - De nada. - Thank you. 67 00:02:50,000 --> 00:02:51,000 De nada. 68 00:02:51,600 --> 00:02:54,600 De naaadaaa. 69 00:02:58,700 --> 00:03:00,500 - What is that noise ? - I don't know. 70 00:03:01,200 --> 00:03:02,500 - Hey. - Is that you ? 71 00:03:02,500 --> 00:03:05,300 - What ? - What's that noise ? 72 00:03:05,300 --> 00:03:06,600 Oh, the orthotics. 73 00:03:07,600 --> 00:03:08,800 - What ? - Loud ! 74 00:03:08,800 --> 00:03:11,800 Well, you gotta break'em in. It takes a little time. 75 00:03:12,800 --> 00:03:13,900 They're really loud. 76 00:03:13,900 --> 00:03:16,000 Well, they're very good for my feet, I could tell you that. 77 00:03:16,000 --> 00:03:18,400 - My feet feel a lot better. - That's good. 78 00:03:18,400 --> 00:03:20,600 Let me ask you something : 79 00:03:20,600 --> 00:03:22,900 Why is it that before you have a meal, 80 00:03:22,900 --> 00:03:24,700 you do the whole cross thing, 81 00:03:24,700 --> 00:03:26,400 but not for snack. 82 00:03:26,400 --> 00:03:28,500 I don't think it applies to snacks. 83 00:03:28,500 --> 00:03:31,300 I guess, otherwise you'd be crossing all day long. 84 00:03:31,300 --> 00:03:35,500 There's gotta be a maximum number of times somebody can cross in a day. 85 00:03:35,600 --> 00:03:37,600 Uh, I wonder what the record is. 86 00:03:37,600 --> 00:03:40,500 Have you ever seen any crossing on a snack, ever ? 87 00:03:40,500 --> 00:03:41,900 - I don't think so. - Excuse me. 88 00:03:41,900 --> 00:03:44,900 I'm gonna be on the lookout for people who cross before snacking. 89 00:03:45,700 --> 00:03:47,500 - What's that ? - This ? 90 00:03:47,500 --> 00:03:48,800 This is a nail. 91 00:03:49,800 --> 00:03:52,800 I bought this on the internet. It's from "The Passion of the Christ". 92 00:03:54,600 --> 00:03:57,100 - What, are you kidding ? - No. 93 00:03:58,400 --> 00:04:01,400 - Kind of interesting... - You got one of those Christ nails from the movie ? 94 00:04:02,300 --> 00:04:03,300 Have you seen it ? 95 00:04:04,500 --> 00:04:05,600 I didn't see it. 96 00:04:05,600 --> 00:04:07,200 - All right, you must... - I missed "Passion of the Christ". 97 00:04:07,200 --> 00:04:09,700 - We have it on dvd, we can send it to you. - Wish I could have gone. 98 00:04:09,700 --> 00:04:12,600 They have all kinds of things in the internet for "The Passion of the Christ". 99 00:04:12,600 --> 00:04:15,000 You're nuts about this Jesus guy, aren't you ? 100 00:04:15,000 --> 00:04:17,100 Well, I have a personal relationship with Christ. 101 00:04:17,100 --> 00:04:18,200 - Really ? - Kinda... yeah. 102 00:04:18,200 --> 00:04:20,500 I can see worshipping Jesus if he were a girl. 103 00:04:20,500 --> 00:04:22,900 Like if god had a daughter... Jane. 104 00:04:22,900 --> 00:04:24,200 I'll worship a Jane. 105 00:04:24,200 --> 00:04:27,000 - No. - But, you know, to worship a guy... 106 00:04:27,000 --> 00:04:29,400 it's like a little kinda, you know, it's a little gay, isn't it ? 107 00:04:29,400 --> 00:04:32,000 - Okay. - The son of god ! What's the matter with you ? 108 00:04:32,000 --> 00:04:33,900 No, I'm just saying. A girl... 109 00:04:33,900 --> 00:04:36,500 I would worship Jane... if he had a daughter Jane, 110 00:04:36,500 --> 00:04:39,000 - I could have a relationship with a Jane. - He didn't have a daughter ! 111 00:04:39,000 --> 00:04:41,700 It's a shame it wasn't a girl. That's all I have to say. 112 00:04:41,700 --> 00:04:44,700 Good-looking woman, zaftig, you know ? 113 00:04:44,900 --> 00:04:47,500 - Good sense of humor. - That's fine. 114 00:04:47,500 --> 00:04:49,600 - If he had a daughter, everybody... - We got it. 115 00:04:49,600 --> 00:04:51,600 - everybody would worship Jane. - Stop it. 116 00:04:51,600 --> 00:04:53,100 That's all I'm saying. 117 00:05:17,500 --> 00:05:20,500 - Larry ? - What ? 118 00:05:21,100 --> 00:05:23,000 What are you doing ? 119 00:05:23,000 --> 00:05:24,900 What ? Nothing. 120 00:05:24,900 --> 00:05:26,700 I was... your bra was kind of... 121 00:05:26,700 --> 00:05:29,700 it was about to fall off and I was... I was putting it back on. 122 00:05:29,800 --> 00:05:32,400 All right, and... 123 00:05:32,400 --> 00:05:35,400 I felt like you were looking at... 124 00:05:35,600 --> 00:05:37,000 my size. 125 00:05:39,900 --> 00:05:41,100 I... 126 00:05:41,100 --> 00:05:42,600 well... 127 00:05:44,500 --> 00:05:46,800 I didn't deliberately set out to look at the size, 128 00:05:46,800 --> 00:05:48,900 but I was... I had the bra in my hand, 129 00:05:48,900 --> 00:05:52,500 and it's kind of like, you know, if you have a driver's license 130 00:05:52,500 --> 00:05:54,500 you check out the date of birth. That's all. 131 00:05:54,500 --> 00:05:57,100 - Okay. - I checked it out. 132 00:05:57,100 --> 00:05:59,000 And what'd you think ? 133 00:05:59,000 --> 00:06:00,000 Yeah.... 134 00:06:01,200 --> 00:06:03,200 Okay, it was good. 135 00:06:05,600 --> 00:06:08,600 Well, while we're on the subject, 136 00:06:08,700 --> 00:06:11,500 I think we're gonna have to let Maria go. 137 00:06:11,500 --> 00:06:13,200 - I cannot... - Really ? 138 00:06:13,200 --> 00:06:16,200 stand to watch her 139 00:06:16,200 --> 00:06:18,800 clean room to room without a bra. 140 00:06:18,800 --> 00:06:20,200 It's very distracting. 141 00:06:20,200 --> 00:06:21,900 I know, but that's a big move. 142 00:06:21,900 --> 00:06:23,900 You know, why don't you just tell her to put a bra on ? 143 00:06:23,900 --> 00:06:26,200 I'm not gonna have that conversation with someone. 144 00:06:26,200 --> 00:06:27,700 I would rather just get rid of her. 145 00:06:27,700 --> 00:06:29,600 - We'll find somebody else. - Really ? 146 00:06:29,600 --> 00:06:32,300 First of all, she makes the best chicken salad. 147 00:06:32,300 --> 00:06:34,500 I would really miss that. 148 00:06:34,500 --> 00:06:39,000 Well, Larry, then you're gonna have to tell her to wear a bra or fire her. 149 00:06:42,500 --> 00:06:44,500 - If I see... - All right, I'll... I'll tell her. 150 00:06:44,500 --> 00:06:46,500 - I'll tell her to put the bra on. - Okay. 151 00:06:46,500 --> 00:06:49,500 I'll talk to her. I'll talk to her, no problem. 152 00:06:50,100 --> 00:06:52,800 - All right. I got it. - You done with this ? 153 00:06:52,800 --> 00:06:54,800 - Yeah, I am. - You done ? 154 00:07:05,700 --> 00:07:07,700 Oh hi, I thought you were Jesús ! 155 00:07:07,700 --> 00:07:09,300 Jesús ! No kidding. 156 00:07:09,300 --> 00:07:11,300 Yeah, his shoes sound like your shoes. 157 00:07:11,300 --> 00:07:13,200 - Yeah ? - Yeah, they're very loud. 158 00:07:13,200 --> 00:07:15,200 They make a lot of noise. You gotta break them in. 159 00:07:15,200 --> 00:07:16,700 Yeah, but his feet feel really good. 160 00:07:16,700 --> 00:07:18,100 - They're better ? - Si, yeah. 161 00:07:18,100 --> 00:07:19,600 - Fantastic ! - Yeah, thank you. 162 00:07:19,600 --> 00:07:21,100 - That's unbelievable. - It's good. 163 00:07:21,100 --> 00:07:22,700 - They fit and everything ? - Mm-hmm ! 164 00:07:22,700 --> 00:07:24,300 - Is he happy ? - Yes. 165 00:07:24,300 --> 00:07:26,200 'Cause you know, between you and me, 166 00:07:26,200 --> 00:07:28,800 he could be quite a downer this guy, this Jesús. 167 00:07:28,800 --> 00:07:30,700 Yes, I know. 168 00:07:30,700 --> 00:07:31,400 He's good. 169 00:07:31,400 --> 00:07:32,900 - Maria ? - Yeah ? 170 00:07:34,100 --> 00:07:37,000 I got a little thing I need to talk about with you. 171 00:07:37,000 --> 00:07:37,900 Okay. 172 00:07:37,900 --> 00:07:40,900 Cheryl and I were having a conversation the other night. 173 00:07:41,400 --> 00:07:44,300 Well, last night, actually. 174 00:07:44,300 --> 00:07:47,700 You know, we couldn't help but notice that, uh, 175 00:07:48,000 --> 00:07:50,500 you don't wear a, uh... 176 00:07:50,500 --> 00:07:53,000 bra. - Oh, no. Don't like 'em. 177 00:07:53,000 --> 00:07:54,000 Not for me. 178 00:07:54,000 --> 00:07:55,500 - Not for you ? - No. 179 00:07:57,700 --> 00:08:01,200 Because, you know I got my father-in-law here. 180 00:08:01,200 --> 00:08:04,100 - They're kind of distracting. - Distracting ? 181 00:08:04,100 --> 00:08:06,900 Yeah, a lot of flopping going on. 182 00:08:06,900 --> 00:08:09,100 - No, they don't flop... - There's floppin' ! 183 00:08:09,100 --> 00:08:12,200 Don't like the support things, they're uncomfortable. 184 00:08:12,200 --> 00:08:14,000 I haven't worn one in 15 years. 185 00:08:14,000 --> 00:08:19,100 They've made some great technological advances in bras in 15 years. 186 00:08:19,100 --> 00:08:21,500 They're inviting and cozy and cottony. 187 00:08:21,500 --> 00:08:23,100 What do you call that cotton ? 188 00:08:23,100 --> 00:08:24,300 Puma ? 189 00:08:24,300 --> 00:08:25,400 That's a sneaker. 190 00:08:25,400 --> 00:08:27,800 All right... pima ! Pima ! 191 00:08:27,800 --> 00:08:30,200 No, I don't like 'em. 192 00:08:30,200 --> 00:08:31,800 You don't like 'em. 193 00:08:31,800 --> 00:08:34,500 All right, I'll tell you what I'm gonna do for you. 194 00:08:34,500 --> 00:08:36,100 I'm gonna buy you a bra, how about that ? 195 00:08:36,100 --> 00:08:38,000 I'll buy you one, you'll try it, you'll put it on, you'll see... 196 00:08:38,000 --> 00:08:39,100 you'll see what I'm talking about. 197 00:08:39,100 --> 00:08:40,600 My treat. 198 00:08:41,300 --> 00:08:42,900 - Okay, I'll try it. - You'll try it ! 199 00:08:42,900 --> 00:08:45,900 I'll just try it on and just... let's see. 200 00:08:46,400 --> 00:08:48,400 I'm gonna get you a bra. 201 00:08:53,400 --> 00:08:54,700 Where are you ? 202 00:08:54,700 --> 00:08:56,200 I'm in the kitchen. 203 00:08:58,600 --> 00:09:00,100 What the hell is that ? 204 00:09:01,300 --> 00:09:02,900 Oh, my orthotics. 205 00:09:02,900 --> 00:09:04,000 What's the story with that ? 206 00:09:04,000 --> 00:09:05,500 Well, I got these new orthotics, you know... 207 00:09:05,500 --> 00:09:07,900 - Is it always gonna sound that way ? - No, no, you need to break 'em in. 208 00:09:07,900 --> 00:09:10,300 - Okay... - But my foot... ! 209 00:09:11,300 --> 00:09:12,700 - Good night, nurse. - Really ? 210 00:09:12,700 --> 00:09:15,200 - Yeah. - How about that ? Congratulations. 211 00:09:15,200 --> 00:09:17,200 Thank you. Thank you. 212 00:09:17,700 --> 00:09:20,500 - Beer ? - Hmmm. Maybe later. 213 00:09:20,500 --> 00:09:23,500 All right, well, if you want one, I haven't been able to find my can opener. 214 00:09:23,700 --> 00:09:25,200 I'm telling you something. 215 00:09:25,600 --> 00:09:28,600 I got a housekeeper who steals. 216 00:09:29,200 --> 00:09:30,700 - Really ? - Oh yeah. 217 00:09:30,700 --> 00:09:32,800 So it's just a can opener, you might not think it's much. 218 00:09:32,800 --> 00:09:34,800 But everything I look for, gone ! 219 00:09:34,800 --> 00:09:37,600 - Why don't you fire her ? - 'Cause I don't know for sure. 220 00:09:37,600 --> 00:09:38,700 But I'm pretty sure. 221 00:09:38,700 --> 00:09:40,100 Gee, I hate to hear that. 222 00:09:40,100 --> 00:09:41,800 I know, it's horrible. 223 00:09:41,800 --> 00:09:45,100 Of course, my housekeeper, I had to tell her to wear a bra. 224 00:09:45,600 --> 00:09:47,400 You had to tell your housekeeper to wear a bra ? 225 00:09:47,400 --> 00:09:49,000 I am buying her ! 226 00:09:49,000 --> 00:09:51,200 I have to buy her a bra. 227 00:09:51,900 --> 00:09:53,700 I just don't know what size she is. 228 00:09:53,700 --> 00:09:54,700 Honey... 229 00:09:56,200 --> 00:09:59,000 - Sammi's last tooth finally fell out. - Oh, great, great ! 230 00:09:59,000 --> 00:10:00,300 Look at that, huh ? 231 00:10:00,300 --> 00:10:02,400 Yeah, tooth fairy'll be coming tonight. 232 00:10:02,400 --> 00:10:04,600 What ? Wait a second, what is this ? 233 00:10:04,600 --> 00:10:06,300 What, tooth fairy. 234 00:10:06,300 --> 00:10:07,700 - Tooth fairy ? - Yeah. 235 00:10:07,700 --> 00:10:09,900 What, are you kidding ? She's like 11 years old. 236 00:10:10,600 --> 00:10:12,800 It's none of your god damn business, Larry. 237 00:10:12,800 --> 00:10:15,700 Her tooth falls out, we stick it under her pillow. 238 00:10:15,700 --> 00:10:17,000 Tooth f... She still... 239 00:10:17,000 --> 00:10:18,100 She still believes in the tooth fairy ? 240 00:10:18,100 --> 00:10:20,000 Yes, she still believes in the tooth fairy. 241 00:10:20,000 --> 00:10:21,000 What's the matter with that ? 242 00:10:21,000 --> 00:10:22,500 - Really ? - Yeah. 243 00:10:22,500 --> 00:10:25,300 Jesus Christ, I'm shocked. 244 00:10:25,300 --> 00:10:26,800 What's so shocking ? 245 00:10:26,800 --> 00:10:28,200 You don't understand children. 246 00:10:28,200 --> 00:10:31,900 You don't know child psychology, and what they believe and don't believe. 247 00:10:31,900 --> 00:10:33,300 - I guess I don't. - No ! 248 00:10:33,300 --> 00:10:35,900 I knew there was no tooth fairy even before my teeth fell out. 249 00:10:35,900 --> 00:10:37,700 Really ? Well maybe that's what your problem is. 250 00:10:37,700 --> 00:10:40,000 Maybe if you had a little faith or belief in something, 251 00:10:40,000 --> 00:10:41,900 you wouldn't have ended up the way you did, 252 00:10:41,900 --> 00:10:42,900 you know ? 253 00:10:44,300 --> 00:10:45,300 What are you looking at ? 254 00:10:46,200 --> 00:10:47,700 What ? No, nothing. 255 00:10:48,700 --> 00:10:49,900 All right. Thanks for your help. 256 00:10:49,900 --> 00:10:51,600 Yeah, my pleasure. 257 00:10:51,600 --> 00:10:53,200 - It's always something. - Do me a favor ? 258 00:10:53,200 --> 00:10:54,900 For the rest of the night, just leave us alone. 259 00:10:54,900 --> 00:10:56,900 - Fine, my pleasure. - Thank you. 260 00:10:57,600 --> 00:10:59,600 - You know what ? - What ? 261 00:11:00,400 --> 00:11:04,200 I think she's about the same size as Maria, my housekeeper. 262 00:11:04,200 --> 00:11:05,700 - Really ? - Yeah. 263 00:11:06,200 --> 00:11:09,700 - You know what size she is ? - No. I can find out. 264 00:11:09,700 --> 00:11:10,800 - Would you ? - Sure. 265 00:11:10,800 --> 00:11:12,500 - Thank you, thank you. 266 00:11:12,500 --> 00:11:13,800 - Do you know what Cheryl's size is ? 267 00:11:13,800 --> 00:11:16,800 I just found out, and I gotta tell you something. 268 00:11:17,000 --> 00:11:18,600 - A little disappointed. - Really ? 269 00:11:18,600 --> 00:11:20,600 - Yeah ! - What, "B" cup ? 270 00:11:21,500 --> 00:11:22,500 - I'd rather not say. - "C" ? 271 00:11:22,500 --> 00:11:24,900 - I can't, you know... I can't. - 32 ? 34 ? 272 00:11:24,900 --> 00:11:26,300 - I don't want to talk about it. - Come on. 273 00:11:26,300 --> 00:11:27,400 I don't want to talk about it. 274 00:11:27,400 --> 00:11:29,100 - Come on ! - No ! I'd rather not. 275 00:11:29,100 --> 00:11:32,200 I'm giving you Susie's bra size, give me Cheryl's bra size. 276 00:11:32,200 --> 00:11:33,700 It's a trade. 277 00:11:34,900 --> 00:11:36,800 - I can't, I don't want to. - You know what ? 278 00:11:36,800 --> 00:11:39,800 You don't tell me Cheryl's, I ain't telling you Susie's. 279 00:11:40,600 --> 00:11:41,400 - Okay. - Okay. 280 00:11:41,400 --> 00:11:42,300 - Fine. - Fine. 281 00:11:42,300 --> 00:11:43,900 I'm not the one who has to go out and buy a bra. 282 00:11:43,900 --> 00:11:45,900 - I don't give a shit. - Oh, yeah, you do. 283 00:11:48,600 --> 00:11:50,100 It's unbelievable, isn't it ? 284 00:11:51,100 --> 00:11:53,400 I could be general manager of a basketball team. 285 00:11:53,400 --> 00:11:54,800 - No, you couldn't. - I could put together a better team... 286 00:11:54,800 --> 00:11:57,100 - You could not. - Don't tell me I couldn't ! 287 00:11:57,100 --> 00:11:58,800 You don't have a clue. 288 00:11:58,800 --> 00:12:00,400 Half the things you say here on the couch... 289 00:12:00,400 --> 00:12:02,900 I know as much about basketball as these idiots. 290 00:12:02,900 --> 00:12:04,800 I just need the opportunity. 291 00:12:04,800 --> 00:12:06,400 That's all, just the opportunity. 292 00:12:06,400 --> 00:12:09,500 A young, fresh kid out of college just needs the opportunity. 293 00:12:09,500 --> 00:12:10,700 - I do ! - That's all. 294 00:12:10,700 --> 00:12:12,200 - I know I could do it. - Yeah, yeah... 295 00:12:12,200 --> 00:12:14,200 - Where're you going ? - Bathroom. 296 00:13:17,800 --> 00:13:18,800 What are you doing ? 297 00:13:18,800 --> 00:13:20,200 What are you doing with that money ? 298 00:13:20,200 --> 00:13:22,900 I was checking to make sure the tooth fairy left it. 299 00:13:22,900 --> 00:13:25,100 You're lying ! You're a liar ! 300 00:13:25,100 --> 00:13:27,600 You're the tooth fairy ! There is no tooth fairy ! 301 00:13:27,600 --> 00:13:31,200 - Honey, there is a tooth fairy. - You're lying ! It's you ! 302 00:13:31,400 --> 00:13:32,300 I'm gonna kill him ! 303 00:13:32,300 --> 00:13:34,600 It's you ! You're the tooth fairy ! 304 00:13:34,600 --> 00:13:36,600 - You know what you just did ? - What ? 305 00:13:37,200 --> 00:13:40,400 Sammi caught me putting the money under her pillow. 306 00:13:40,400 --> 00:13:43,200 Because you woke her up with those things in your shoes, 307 00:13:43,200 --> 00:13:45,500 - and now she knows that I'm the tooth fairy. - Really ? 308 00:13:45,500 --> 00:13:47,900 - The shoes woke her up ? - Yes, the shoes woke her up ! 309 00:13:47,900 --> 00:13:50,900 She knows that there's no tooth fairy now ! 310 00:13:51,400 --> 00:13:52,900 - I'm sorry. - Oh, you're sorry ? 311 00:13:52,900 --> 00:13:55,100 I'm her mother ! Trust ! 312 00:13:55,100 --> 00:13:57,800 I know, but it had to happen eventually. 313 00:13:57,800 --> 00:14:01,300 You know, you're a stupid fucking idiot ! I cannot listen to this ! 314 00:14:01,300 --> 00:14:02,500 Jeff, do you hear this ? 315 00:14:02,500 --> 00:14:04,700 - No what's going on ? - "It had to happen eventually." 316 00:14:04,700 --> 00:14:07,100 - What had to happen ? - His orthotics, whatever the hell they are, 317 00:14:07,100 --> 00:14:08,500 the noise woke Sammi up. 318 00:14:08,500 --> 00:14:10,300 What's with your farchadat shoes ? 319 00:14:10,300 --> 00:14:12,300 I told you it takes a while to break 'em in. 320 00:14:12,300 --> 00:14:14,600 What are you breaking 'em in in my house for ? It's crazy ! 321 00:14:14,600 --> 00:14:17,500 Uh, you know it's... Hey look... 322 00:14:17,500 --> 00:14:19,300 let me just posit this, okay ? 323 00:14:19,300 --> 00:14:21,500 It might be a blessing in disguise. 324 00:14:21,500 --> 00:14:23,900 - How ? - The kid's 11 years old already. 325 00:14:23,900 --> 00:14:26,300 - Enough with the tooth fairy ! - Not your business, Larry, 326 00:14:26,300 --> 00:14:27,900 you misanthropic moron ! 327 00:14:27,900 --> 00:14:29,000 Not for you to judge ! 328 00:14:29,000 --> 00:14:32,700 She's our kid, we decide when she knows about the tooth fairy ! 329 00:14:32,700 --> 00:14:35,500 Maybe you shouldn't have propagated this ridiculous myth ! 330 00:14:35,500 --> 00:14:37,100 Get the fuck out of my house ! 331 00:14:37,100 --> 00:14:38,600 - You sure ? - Yes ! 332 00:15:00,200 --> 00:15:02,200 Hey, what's going on ? 333 00:15:02,900 --> 00:15:04,400 What is it ? 334 00:15:04,400 --> 00:15:07,700 Larry, get rid of those orthotics ! 335 00:15:10,200 --> 00:15:12,200 Now I'll never get back to sleep ! 336 00:15:30,700 --> 00:15:32,400 May I help you ? 337 00:15:32,400 --> 00:15:34,400 Yes, hi, um... 338 00:15:35,200 --> 00:15:36,900 yeah, I'm interested in, um... 339 00:15:36,900 --> 00:15:39,200 in buying a, uh... 340 00:15:39,200 --> 00:15:40,200 ...bra. 341 00:15:41,000 --> 00:15:43,300 - For your... - It's not for me, no. 342 00:15:43,300 --> 00:15:45,200 For your sweetheart or your wife ? 343 00:15:45,200 --> 00:15:48,200 - Girlfriend ? - Actually, my housekeeper. 344 00:15:48,300 --> 00:15:50,000 Oh, housekeeper, okay. 345 00:15:50,000 --> 00:15:52,000 I'm not making it up. It's really not for me. 346 00:15:52,000 --> 00:15:54,100 Fine, no it's not... of course it's not for you. 347 00:15:54,100 --> 00:15:57,100 - Tell me you believe me. - I believe you, of course not ! 348 00:15:57,200 --> 00:15:58,700 Not that there's anything wrong with it. 349 00:15:58,700 --> 00:16:00,600 - No because I know... - But there is something wrong with it. 350 00:16:00,600 --> 00:16:02,600 What am I saying ? There's a lot wrong with it. 351 00:16:02,600 --> 00:16:04,200 - You can't say that in this day and age. - I like to walk around 352 00:16:04,200 --> 00:16:06,900 with underwear on my head. Is there anything wrong with that ? 353 00:16:06,900 --> 00:16:08,600 Is there something wrong with that ? 354 00:16:08,600 --> 00:16:10,400 - Yeah, there's something wrong with that. - That's very funny. 355 00:16:10,400 --> 00:16:12,800 - So you really do need a bra, then ? - Yes. 356 00:16:12,800 --> 00:16:15,600 Something comfortable. She hasn't worn one in 15 years. 357 00:16:15,600 --> 00:16:18,800 - Not a french maid outfit ? - No, it's not a lacey french maid outfit. 358 00:16:18,800 --> 00:16:21,300 - 'Cause we have lots of those. - This feels very nice. 359 00:16:21,300 --> 00:16:24,600 - Yes, this is our revolutionary "elasticene". - Yeah. 360 00:16:24,800 --> 00:16:26,900 - This is the one... - Lovely. 361 00:16:26,900 --> 00:16:28,400 This is the best bra we make. 362 00:16:29,300 --> 00:16:31,000 It's so soft, I like that. 363 00:16:31,000 --> 00:16:33,300 - I like that. - In fact, this one... 364 00:16:33,300 --> 00:16:35,300 I wonder if they make underwear out of this stuff. 365 00:16:35,300 --> 00:16:37,200 They do. We have matching panties. 366 00:16:37,200 --> 00:16:39,300 No, for me, for men. 367 00:16:39,300 --> 00:16:41,700 See, that's what I'm saying. 368 00:16:41,700 --> 00:16:44,700 Feel free to try on anything here that you want. 369 00:16:44,900 --> 00:16:46,500 Are you out of your mind ? 370 00:16:46,500 --> 00:16:48,500 I'm not saying it's for me. It's not for me. 371 00:16:48,500 --> 00:16:51,500 I'm just saying this kind of foamy, soft material 372 00:16:51,600 --> 00:16:53,700 would be nice down there for me. 373 00:16:53,700 --> 00:16:56,200 It's so smooth, yes. 374 00:16:56,200 --> 00:16:58,200 That doesn't make me a pervert just 'cause I want to wear... 375 00:16:58,200 --> 00:17:00,000 - There's nothing perverted about it ! - underwear made out of a bra. 376 00:17:00,000 --> 00:17:01,800 That doesn't make me a pervert ! 377 00:17:01,800 --> 00:17:02,800 Let's start... 378 00:17:02,800 --> 00:17:04,800 Let's figure out what this woman has... 379 00:17:07,500 --> 00:17:09,500 Got a good selection for you here. 380 00:17:09,500 --> 00:17:11,800 And uh, you know the only issue, of course, is the size, 381 00:17:11,800 --> 00:17:14,800 which I have to say I didn't really know your size. 382 00:17:15,400 --> 00:17:18,000 I got a feeling I think I nailed it. 383 00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:19,200 I really do ! 384 00:17:19,200 --> 00:17:21,200 Okay, try them all on. 385 00:17:21,200 --> 00:17:22,600 - All right ? - Thank you, Mr. David. 386 00:17:22,600 --> 00:17:24,100 All right, you're welcome. 387 00:17:35,200 --> 00:17:36,900 You're a sick fuck, you know that ? 388 00:17:36,900 --> 00:17:38,000 What are you talking about ? 389 00:17:38,000 --> 00:17:39,800 What are we talking about ? 390 00:17:39,800 --> 00:17:42,000 You know, our housekeeper's been stealing, Larry, 391 00:17:42,000 --> 00:17:44,300 so we installed cameras throughout the house. 392 00:17:44,300 --> 00:17:47,300 Laundry room. I looked at the tape. 393 00:17:51,000 --> 00:17:53,700 Quite a show, Larry. Look familiar ? 394 00:17:53,700 --> 00:17:56,100 All right, so, I'm looking at the size of it. 395 00:17:56,100 --> 00:17:58,400 I needed to buy a bra for the housekeeper, 396 00:17:58,400 --> 00:18:00,800 and it seemed like you two were the same size. 397 00:18:00,800 --> 00:18:02,200 So I needed to find out what your size was ! 398 00:18:02,200 --> 00:18:03,800 And what's all this mincing around ? 399 00:18:03,800 --> 00:18:04,700 What is this ? 400 00:18:04,700 --> 00:18:06,700 I was trying to imagine what it would be like 401 00:18:06,700 --> 00:18:08,900 to be the housekeeper and have those breasts 402 00:18:08,900 --> 00:18:11,300 you know, working and doing dishes. 403 00:18:11,300 --> 00:18:13,500 And how did that feel ? Did it feel good ? 404 00:18:13,500 --> 00:18:16,500 This is how your housekeeper washes dishes, like this ? 405 00:18:16,900 --> 00:18:20,700 Huh ? That's what she does ? She dances, mincing around, washing dishes ? 406 00:18:20,800 --> 00:18:22,400 Why are you looking at her breasts ? 407 00:18:22,400 --> 00:18:25,400 I don't understand why you would walk into her laundry room 408 00:18:25,700 --> 00:18:29,300 and start rifling through her underwear. - I just happened to see the bra there, 409 00:18:29,300 --> 00:18:30,900 so I thought, hey look at that, 410 00:18:30,900 --> 00:18:33,900 she seems to be about the same size as Maria ! 411 00:18:34,200 --> 00:18:36,400 That's what you're doing ? Staring at everyone's breasts ? 412 00:18:36,400 --> 00:18:39,200 - Yeah, exactly ! - No, I knew I had to buy her a bra and I thought... 413 00:18:39,200 --> 00:18:40,700 Why are you buying her a bra ? 414 00:18:40,700 --> 00:18:42,200 You don't have to buy her a bra ! 415 00:18:42,200 --> 00:18:44,300 You made me get a bra for her in the first place ! 416 00:18:44,300 --> 00:18:46,100 I never said go buy her a bra ! 417 00:18:46,100 --> 00:18:48,200 - What is wrong with you ? - You wanted her to put a bra on, 418 00:18:48,200 --> 00:18:50,000 and I was just fine... 419 00:18:50,000 --> 00:18:51,700 You don't walk around looking in... 420 00:18:51,700 --> 00:18:55,100 - It's disgusting. - Keep you goddamn hands off my brassiere ! 421 00:18:55,100 --> 00:18:56,700 This isn't the first time it's happened. 422 00:18:56,700 --> 00:18:58,900 The other day he's rifling through my things 423 00:18:58,900 --> 00:19:00,100 looking at my labels. 424 00:19:00,100 --> 00:19:01,900 We've been married 11 years. 425 00:19:01,900 --> 00:19:04,400 So I took a little peek at her bra size, big deal. 426 00:19:04,400 --> 00:19:06,200 So sue me ! Lock me up ! 427 00:19:06,200 --> 00:19:08,700 Pervert ! You sick fuck pervert ! 428 00:19:08,700 --> 00:19:10,900 - You have some fetish about bras... - Oh get out of here ! 429 00:19:10,900 --> 00:19:12,600 with the housekeeper, with Cheryl, with me... 430 00:19:12,600 --> 00:19:14,200 - Get out ! - I don't know what the hell it is, 431 00:19:14,200 --> 00:19:17,300 but it's sick and you better fix those goddamn shoes too ! 432 00:19:17,300 --> 00:19:18,500 'Cause you know what he did ? 433 00:19:18,500 --> 00:19:20,200 He woke Sammi up the other night, 434 00:19:20,200 --> 00:19:23,100 I was putting money under her pillow because her tooth fell out. 435 00:19:23,100 --> 00:19:26,300 - She caught me, now she knows... - Yes, because there is no fucking tooth fairy ! 436 00:19:26,300 --> 00:19:29,300 - And It's about time she learned that ! - None of your business ! 437 00:19:32,200 --> 00:19:33,600 Where have you been ? 438 00:19:33,600 --> 00:19:35,100 Bra shopping. 439 00:19:48,100 --> 00:19:49,600 Okay, Mr. Larry ? 440 00:19:52,000 --> 00:19:54,000 - It's nice ? - Very nice ! 441 00:19:54,000 --> 00:19:56,400 - It's good, huh ? - Very nice indeed ! 442 00:19:56,400 --> 00:19:57,800 - I like it ! - You like it ? 443 00:19:57,800 --> 00:19:59,100 It's nice, it feels good. 444 00:19:59,100 --> 00:20:01,600 - Good. - Yeah, it feels nice. 445 00:20:02,300 --> 00:20:03,800 What's with him ? 446 00:20:03,800 --> 00:20:05,700 Oh, he didn't get a lot of sleep last night. 447 00:20:05,700 --> 00:20:08,700 He was woken up and now he's very tired today. 448 00:20:12,100 --> 00:20:14,500 What's the mezuzah doing over there ? 449 00:20:14,500 --> 00:20:15,700 My father's gonna freak out. 450 00:20:15,700 --> 00:20:18,300 He's gonna be here any minute. Why didn't Jesus put the mezuzah up ? 451 00:20:18,300 --> 00:20:22,400 Oh, Jesús was very upset that you were talking about my breasts 452 00:20:22,400 --> 00:20:25,000 and wanting to buy a bra for me, 453 00:20:25,000 --> 00:20:28,000 so he said, "Mr. David can go fuck himself". 454 00:20:28,600 --> 00:20:30,100 That's what Jesús said ? 455 00:20:31,100 --> 00:20:33,100 Yeah, he was mad. 456 00:20:41,500 --> 00:20:43,500 My father's pulling up ! Where's a hammer ? 457 00:20:43,500 --> 00:20:45,500 He keeps it in the drawer somewhere. 458 00:20:49,400 --> 00:20:50,800 What about a nail ? Where's a nail ? 459 00:20:50,800 --> 00:20:52,800 I don't know where he keeps the nails ! 460 00:21:43,700 --> 00:21:45,700 what's going on there ? 461 00:21:45,700 --> 00:21:48,300 I'm putting up a mezuzah. 462 00:21:48,300 --> 00:21:49,700 Wait a minute. 463 00:21:49,700 --> 00:21:50,700 Is that my nail ? 464 00:21:50,700 --> 00:21:52,700 - I'll get you another one. - You took my nail ? 465 00:21:52,700 --> 00:21:55,000 - Larry ! - That's blasphemy ! 466 00:21:55,000 --> 00:21:56,600 What ? What is going on ? 467 00:21:56,600 --> 00:21:58,900 He took my nail ! He took my nail ! 468 00:21:58,900 --> 00:22:00,500 He took the nail right off my neck ! 469 00:22:00,500 --> 00:22:03,400 - Why'd you have a nail around your neck ? - That's Jesus' nail ! 470 00:22:03,400 --> 00:22:05,900 - That's Jesus' nail ! - No, I know but my father's coming right now ! 471 00:22:19,200 --> 00:22:21,400 Hey, boychick. 472 00:22:21,400 --> 00:22:22,800 All right. 473 00:22:22,800 --> 00:22:24,000 All right, kiddo. 474 00:22:24,000 --> 00:22:27,000 Hi, Nat. 475 00:22:31,400 --> 00:22:32,700 This is the best chicken salad I've ever had. 476 00:22:32,700 --> 00:22:34,200 - Ever, right ? - Unbelievable. 477 00:22:34,200 --> 00:22:35,800 - It's amazing ! - Unbelievable. 478 00:22:35,800 --> 00:22:37,100 I don't know what the hell she does. 479 00:22:37,100 --> 00:22:41,400 My god, she makes chicken salad, she wears brassieres, she does it all ! 480 00:22:41,400 --> 00:22:43,800 Yeah, she's very happy with the bras, by the way. 481 00:22:43,800 --> 00:22:46,300 - Really ? - Yeah. Nailed, 482 00:22:46,300 --> 00:22:47,500 nailed the bra size. 483 00:22:47,500 --> 00:22:50,500 - Really ? - I don't know how I do it. 484 00:22:50,500 --> 00:22:53,500 I've really got some kind of talent for that, you know ? 485 00:22:53,500 --> 00:22:55,600 Maybe you can get a job in a carnival somewhere. 486 00:22:55,600 --> 00:22:58,100 Yeah, it's true. 487 00:22:58,100 --> 00:23:01,100 - I'm good at it. - Yeah, have your own little booth. 488 00:23:02,300 --> 00:23:05,300 "Step right up. You are... 489 00:23:05,700 --> 00:23:08,700 ...36c !" 490 00:23:09,000 --> 00:23:11,000 - I know. - Great. 491 00:23:11,000 --> 00:23:14,200 Of course, Jesús freaked out about the whole thing. 492 00:23:14,200 --> 00:23:15,300 - Really ? - He quit, yeah. 493 00:23:15,300 --> 00:23:16,900 - He quit ? - Quit. 494 00:23:16,900 --> 00:23:19,600 - Wow. - The whole thing about the bra, 495 00:23:19,600 --> 00:23:22,300 talking about the bra, 496 00:23:22,300 --> 00:23:24,700 asking her to buy a bra. 497 00:23:24,700 --> 00:23:27,000 He told her to tell me to go fuck myself. 498 00:23:27,000 --> 00:23:28,300 - Really ? - Yeah. 499 00:23:29,100 --> 00:23:30,700 He's a fucking nut job, this guy. 500 00:23:30,700 --> 00:23:33,400 So, did you replace the nail ? 501 00:23:33,400 --> 00:23:35,300 Did I replace the nail ? 502 00:23:35,300 --> 00:23:38,300 - I believe I have. - Oh, okay, good. 503 00:23:39,200 --> 00:23:41,700 Your father-in-law's gonna be very happy. 504 00:23:41,700 --> 00:23:42,400 Happy man. 505 00:23:42,400 --> 00:23:44,700 Your dad's happy, you father-in-law's happy, 506 00:23:44,700 --> 00:23:48,100 Unless, of course, any other emergencies arise that require a nail to remedy it. 507 00:23:48,100 --> 00:23:49,500 You never know when you're gonna need a nail. 508 00:23:49,500 --> 00:23:51,500 - You never know. - Never know. 509 00:23:55,300 --> 00:23:57,000 - Fuck ! - What's the matter ? 510 00:23:57,000 --> 00:23:58,300 My tooth ! 511 00:23:58,300 --> 00:23:59,200 What ? 512 00:23:59,200 --> 00:24:00,800 Fuck ! 513 00:24:00,800 --> 00:24:02,800 I think my tooth fell out. 514 00:24:06,000 --> 00:24:08,000 Shit ! My tooth fell out ! 515 00:24:08,900 --> 00:24:11,800 - My tooth ! - From a chicken salad sandwich ? 516 00:24:11,800 --> 00:24:14,800 What fuckin' idiot put bones in a sandwich ? 517 00:24:15,100 --> 00:24:16,900 I bit into a bone ! 518 00:24:16,900 --> 00:24:19,100 There's bones in the chicken salad ! 519 00:24:19,800 --> 00:24:21,200 Shit ! 520 00:24:22,000 --> 00:24:23,400 Fuck ! 521 00:24:25,900 --> 00:24:26,900 Quiet. 522 00:24:28,700 --> 00:24:30,000 What's that noise ? 523 00:24:30,700 --> 00:24:32,700 - What ? - Shh. 524 00:24:33,400 --> 00:24:34,900 Sounds like your shoes. 525 00:24:38,000 --> 00:24:39,400 Jesús ! 526 00:25:06,100 --> 00:25:07,600 I didn't see anybody. 527 00:25:14,600 --> 00:25:15,600 Oh fuck ! 528 00:25:39,200 --> 00:25:41,300 - What happened ? - He just fell. 529 00:25:41,300 --> 00:25:42,300 Fell ? 530 00:25:49,800 --> 00:25:51,000 What is that language ? 531 00:25:51,000 --> 00:25:52,500 I have no idea. 532 00:25:54,400 --> 00:25:55,400 What's this ? 533 00:25:55,400 --> 00:25:56,900 There's something in his foot ! 534 00:25:58,100 --> 00:25:59,100 Oh my god ! 535 00:26:05,700 --> 00:26:06,700 The nail. 536 00:26:08,000 --> 00:26:09,500 I must have dropped it ! 537 00:26:10,600 --> 00:26:12,100 It saved me ! 538 00:26:16,800 --> 00:26:19,800 Come on, let's get him some help. 539 00:27:09,200 --> 00:27:12,400 Subtitles by Eyedol, Transcript by Raceman. 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