0 00:00:12,946 --> 00:00:16,438 - Who are you?! - l'm Leopold Bloom. 1 00:00:16,483 --> 00:00:18,314 l'm an accountant. 2 00:00:18,351 --> 00:00:20,319 l'm from Whitehall & Marks. 3 00:00:20,353 --> 00:00:22,514 l've come here to do your books. 4 00:00:24,758 --> 00:00:27,693 l've come here to do your books. 5 00:00:27,727 --> 00:00:30,560 Oh, Mr. Bloom. l've been expecting you. 6 00:00:30,597 --> 00:00:32,997 No, l've come here to do your books. 7 00:00:33,033 --> 00:00:36,764 - Oh... - Oh. Oh... 8 00:00:36,803 --> 00:00:38,600 - you... - you... 9 00:00:38,638 --> 00:00:41,004 - have... - Oh, you have, have you? 10 00:00:41,041 --> 00:00:43,908 - huh? - Oh, you have, huh? Okay. 11 00:00:43,943 --> 00:00:46,537 - l had it yesterday, the whole thing. - l know. 12 00:00:46,579 --> 00:00:48,069 We went through the whole play, 13 00:00:48,114 --> 00:00:50,309 l knew it. Why am l forgetting it all of a sudden? 14 00:00:50,350 --> 00:00:53,547 Maybe l should go with you and run lines with you on the plane. 15 00:00:53,586 --> 00:00:55,349 - No, you can't. - lnstead of going in two days, 16 00:00:55,388 --> 00:00:56,753 - l'll go with you. - No, it's crazy. 17 00:00:56,790 --> 00:00:59,850 - Will you run lines? - l'll be fine. Stick to the plan. 18 00:00:59,893 --> 00:01:02,487 You got the N.R.D.C. meeting tomorrow, l want you to go to that. 19 00:01:02,529 --> 00:01:05,396 The environment is a lot more important than this show. l want you to do that. 20 00:01:05,432 --> 00:01:07,195 - Thank you, though. - All right. 21 00:01:07,233 --> 00:01:09,633 What do you think of my plane outfit? You like my plane outfit? 22 00:01:09,669 --> 00:01:11,728 - lt looks very comfortable. - lt's comfortable, right? 23 00:01:11,771 --> 00:01:13,466 Who's gonna be on the plane with you? 24 00:01:13,506 --> 00:01:16,236 Let's see, Jeff, uh, 25 00:01:16,276 --> 00:01:19,734 David Schwimmer, um, Cady Huffman. 26 00:01:19,779 --> 00:01:21,974 Oh. 27 00:01:22,015 --> 00:01:25,451 - Cady Huffman? - What? She plays Ulla in the show. 28 00:01:25,485 --> 00:01:27,282 No, l know who she is. 29 00:01:27,320 --> 00:01:31,120 This is how-- it's very obvious why you don't want me to go. 30 00:01:31,157 --> 00:01:33,489 What? Are you nuts? 31 00:01:33,526 --> 00:01:35,551 ''And, uh, Cady Huffman.'' 32 00:01:35,595 --> 00:01:37,426 lt's like-- 33 00:01:37,464 --> 00:01:39,261 What? Come on, she hates my guts. 34 00:01:39,299 --> 00:01:41,699 l met her at Ben Stiller's party. She couldn't stand me. 35 00:01:41,734 --> 00:01:43,634 You better work fast, my friend. 36 00:01:43,670 --> 00:01:45,604 Yeah. 37 00:01:45,638 --> 00:01:48,573 lf you're gonna cash in on this, uh, 10th anniversary gift-- 38 00:01:48,608 --> 00:01:50,405 you have, what, three days left? 39 00:01:50,443 --> 00:01:52,434 You have some work to do. 40 00:01:52,479 --> 00:01:54,970 How's it going, by the way? 41 00:01:55,014 --> 00:01:57,380 - Has it been going well? - lt's okay, it's-- 42 00:01:57,417 --> 00:01:59,180 l haven't really been pushing it. 43 00:01:59,219 --> 00:02:02,518 New York's a big place. This is a good opportunity for you. 44 00:02:02,555 --> 00:02:06,651 - Okay, don't worry about it, all right? - Okay, yeah. 45 00:02:06,693 --> 00:02:08,456 Oh. 46 00:02:08,495 --> 00:02:09,962 - That's it. - Okay. 47 00:02:09,996 --> 00:02:11,964 So, l'll be there opening night, okay? 48 00:02:11,998 --> 00:02:14,125 The next time l'll see you will be after the play, 49 00:02:14,167 --> 00:02:17,159 - but l'll be there, so know that. - Okay. 50 00:02:17,203 --> 00:02:19,637 - l love you. - l love you. 51 00:02:19,672 --> 00:02:21,663 Bye. 52 00:02:23,476 --> 00:02:25,467 Go get 'em. 53 00:02:35,155 --> 00:02:37,123 - Hey. - Oh, hey. 54 00:02:37,157 --> 00:02:39,387 No Cheryl? 55 00:02:39,425 --> 00:02:42,986 No, she's got that N.R.D.C. meeting. 56 00:02:43,029 --> 00:02:45,293 - Great! - She's not coming till-- 57 00:02:45,331 --> 00:02:47,731 - You've got three days, man. - Yeah, nothing's-- 58 00:02:47,767 --> 00:02:50,395 Three days. You never know. 59 00:02:50,436 --> 00:02:52,768 Yeah, three more days... 60 00:02:52,805 --> 00:02:55,171 - till we open too, isn't that amazing? - Amazing. 61 00:02:55,208 --> 00:02:57,506 - lt's the exact same day. - You're gonna be great. 62 00:02:57,544 --> 00:03:01,275 - Cady went to go get some coffee. - Oh, she's here? 63 00:03:01,314 --> 00:03:03,475 She's here, and she confided in me something. 64 00:03:03,516 --> 00:03:07,452 - What, she hates my guts? - She has obsessive-compulsive disorder. 65 00:03:07,487 --> 00:03:08,954 - Really? - Yeah. 66 00:03:08,988 --> 00:03:11,684 Cady has O.C.D? 67 00:03:11,724 --> 00:03:14,716 l-l-l told her that you have it, too. 68 00:03:16,663 --> 00:03:19,427 What the-- are you nuts? 69 00:03:19,465 --> 00:03:21,456 - What's the matter with you? - Come on, that's funny. 70 00:03:21,501 --> 00:03:24,368 - That's funny? - That's really funny. She was excited. 71 00:03:24,404 --> 00:03:26,372 - That was stupid. - lt was not stupid. 72 00:03:26,406 --> 00:03:28,772 Just a stupid joke to play on somebody. Take advantage of-- 73 00:03:28,808 --> 00:03:30,673 Hey, Larry. 74 00:03:30,710 --> 00:03:34,510 - Hi hi hi. - Hi hi hi, oh. 75 00:03:34,547 --> 00:03:37,209 Mmm. 76 00:03:37,250 --> 00:03:39,377 Hey, where is the coffee place? 77 00:03:39,419 --> 00:03:42,217 1 23 steps that way. 78 00:03:42,255 --> 00:03:44,416 1 23 steps l'll be taking. 79 00:03:44,457 --> 00:03:46,550 - l'll see you in a few minutes. - Okay. 80 00:03:47,560 --> 00:03:51,587 Jeff told me something about you. 81 00:03:51,631 --> 00:03:54,156 Really? 82 00:03:54,200 --> 00:03:56,191 That you have O.C.D. 83 00:03:57,904 --> 00:04:00,930 lt's okay, 'cause l'm-- l have it too. 84 00:04:03,576 --> 00:04:06,374 - lsn't that kind of great, though? - That's unbelievable! 85 00:04:06,412 --> 00:04:09,245 l'd give you five, but l don't want to touch your hand. 86 00:04:09,282 --> 00:04:11,773 - l'd have to wash it. - Yeah, me too. 87 00:04:11,818 --> 00:04:13,786 - lt's exhausting, isn't it? - Ugh. 88 00:04:13,820 --> 00:04:16,516 - The counting, the cleaning. - Planes can drive me crazy. 89 00:04:16,556 --> 00:04:18,319 They can really drive me crazy. 90 00:04:18,358 --> 00:04:20,826 That whole one bag is devoted to soap. 91 00:04:20,860 --> 00:04:22,521 Oh, here's David. 92 00:04:23,529 --> 00:04:26,020 - Hey, David. - Hey. 93 00:04:26,065 --> 00:04:27,965 - Sorry. - How's it going? 94 00:04:28,001 --> 00:04:29,969 - Good, how you doing? - Good. l'm gonna hit the lounge. 95 00:04:30,003 --> 00:04:32,028 What is that, The Admirals' Club? 96 00:04:32,071 --> 00:04:34,096 Yeah. 97 00:04:34,140 --> 00:04:36,108 - See you, Cady. - Okay. 98 00:04:36,142 --> 00:04:38,133 l'll see you on the plane. 99 00:04:40,046 --> 00:04:43,311 - Well, l'm all checked in, uh... - Okay. 100 00:04:43,349 --> 00:04:45,647 - Should l wait for you? - Sure, yeah. 101 00:04:45,685 --> 00:04:47,152 - Okay, good. - Okay. 102 00:04:51,424 --> 00:04:53,392 Flight attendants, 103 00:04:53,426 --> 00:04:55,417 please prepare for departure. 104 00:04:57,330 --> 00:04:59,594 - Hey. - Huh? 105 00:04:59,632 --> 00:05:01,862 Thanks for that O.C.D. story. 106 00:05:01,901 --> 00:05:04,301 - We're really bonding. - Really? 107 00:05:04,337 --> 00:05:07,033 She looks at me like l'm a different person now. 108 00:05:07,073 --> 00:05:09,541 - Wow. - l can't believe it, it's amazing. 109 00:05:14,714 --> 00:05:16,682 Do you have anything to read? 110 00:05:16,716 --> 00:05:18,707 l just sit here. 111 00:05:20,119 --> 00:05:22,212 You don't have a magazine or a book, nothing? 112 00:05:22,255 --> 00:05:24,553 No, l just sit. 113 00:05:24,590 --> 00:05:26,751 How come you didn't bring a book or a magazine? 114 00:05:26,793 --> 00:05:28,522 l don't need one, l like just sitting. 115 00:05:28,561 --> 00:05:31,530 Who could sit on a plane for five hours like that? That's crazy. 116 00:05:31,564 --> 00:05:33,225 l can. 117 00:05:38,504 --> 00:05:39,994 Excuse me. 118 00:05:49,816 --> 00:05:53,343 Sir, could you please put your seat in the fully upright position? 119 00:05:55,588 --> 00:05:58,386 - Let me ask you a question. - Yes? 120 00:05:58,424 --> 00:06:00,392 Did he tell you to say that? 121 00:06:00,426 --> 00:06:02,291 - Did who tell me what? - That guy right there. 122 00:06:02,328 --> 00:06:04,091 Did he tell you the seat wasn't upright? 123 00:06:04,130 --> 00:06:07,588 l don't know what you're talking about, but we're trying to take off. 124 00:06:07,633 --> 00:06:10,067 l saw him talking to you. Did he tell you my seat-- 125 00:06:10,103 --> 00:06:12,571 Sir, let me tell you what l need. l need you to be quiet 126 00:06:12,605 --> 00:06:14,732 and in this seat, with the seat fully up. 127 00:06:14,774 --> 00:06:17,004 - Okay. - That's what l require, okay? 128 00:06:17,043 --> 00:06:19,978 - But l saw him-- - Did you hear what l require? 129 00:06:20,012 --> 00:06:22,412 - Yes, ma'am. - That's all l require, ''Yes, ma'am.'' 130 00:06:22,448 --> 00:06:24,245 That's very good, you're learning quick. 131 00:06:24,283 --> 00:06:26,478 - But wait a second. - Excuse me? 132 00:06:26,519 --> 00:06:30,114 Would you mind telling me what he said to you up there? 133 00:06:30,156 --> 00:06:33,717 - l saw him whisper to you. - Sir, l'm trying to get to New York. 134 00:06:33,760 --> 00:06:35,819 - Do you want to go with me? - Yes, l do, ma'am. 135 00:06:35,862 --> 00:06:37,727 Then we can't talk any longer. l got stuff to do. 136 00:06:37,764 --> 00:06:40,164 - Okay? All right. - Okay. Okay. 137 00:06:47,306 --> 00:06:49,900 Hey, Schwimmer. 138 00:06:49,942 --> 00:06:51,910 Did you tell the stewardess 139 00:06:51,944 --> 00:06:53,969 my seat wasn't in the upright position? 140 00:06:55,448 --> 00:06:57,245 No. 141 00:06:57,283 --> 00:07:00,150 Hmm, interesting. 142 00:07:00,186 --> 00:07:03,349 - Yeah? - What were you talking to her about? 143 00:07:04,357 --> 00:07:06,325 That's my business. 144 00:07:06,359 --> 00:07:08,190 Just give me a snippet. 145 00:07:08,227 --> 00:07:10,525 No, the discussion l had is privileged. 146 00:07:10,563 --> 00:07:12,827 Can you give me a hint? What's the area? 147 00:07:17,770 --> 00:07:19,897 What could you be talking to a stewardess about? 148 00:07:21,474 --> 00:07:23,465 Did you allude to me? 149 00:07:49,635 --> 00:07:51,762 Ladies and gentlemen, 150 00:07:51,804 --> 00:07:54,364 the captain has turned on the ''Fasten Seatbelt'' sign. 151 00:07:54,407 --> 00:07:57,274 lf you're up and about the cabin, please return to your seats 152 00:07:57,310 --> 00:08:00,939 and make sure your seatbelts are securely fastened. Thank you. 153 00:08:18,698 --> 00:08:21,030 Welcome to The Regency. 154 00:08:21,067 --> 00:08:23,058 - Welcome. - Thanks. 155 00:08:24,570 --> 00:08:26,538 Welcome. 156 00:08:26,572 --> 00:08:29,097 - Hi, how are you doing? - Good. 157 00:08:29,141 --> 00:08:31,132 Okay, all right. 158 00:08:35,748 --> 00:08:37,716 Ah. 159 00:08:37,750 --> 00:08:40,913 You know what? Don't have any small bills. 160 00:08:40,953 --> 00:08:43,513 - l'll get you later. - Okay. 161 00:08:43,556 --> 00:08:46,354 l detect a little skepticism there. 162 00:08:46,392 --> 00:08:48,360 - lt's okay. - No no no. 163 00:08:48,394 --> 00:08:50,157 - What's your name, Tim? - Tim. 164 00:08:50,196 --> 00:08:51,993 - You're working today? - Yes. 165 00:08:52,031 --> 00:08:54,124 l'm all over this, all right? 166 00:08:54,166 --> 00:08:56,225 You'll see, l'll be back. 167 00:08:59,539 --> 00:09:02,508 Sir, the bellman will bring up your luggage after you check in. 168 00:09:02,542 --> 00:09:04,476 Oh, okay. 169 00:09:04,510 --> 00:09:06,478 Um... 170 00:09:06,512 --> 00:09:08,537 l only have big bills. 171 00:09:08,581 --> 00:09:10,310 l'll get you later. 172 00:09:10,349 --> 00:09:13,216 Sir, whatever-- whatever pleases you. That's fine with me. 173 00:09:13,252 --> 00:09:15,777 Do l detect any doubt there? 'Cause l-- 174 00:09:15,821 --> 00:09:19,257 - No, not from me. l trust you, sir. - You know what? 175 00:09:19,292 --> 00:09:21,954 Here, this is a better idea. 176 00:09:21,994 --> 00:09:25,020 - Here's 20. - Okay, thank you very much, sir. 177 00:09:25,064 --> 00:09:27,555 Split it with Tim. You know Tim outside? 178 00:09:27,600 --> 00:09:29,898 - Split it with Tim? - Yeah, give Tim 10. 179 00:09:29,936 --> 00:09:32,234 - Absolutely, thank you so much. - Very good. 180 00:09:32,271 --> 00:09:34,296 Thanks a lot. Thanks. 181 00:09:34,340 --> 00:09:36,308 Uh, if you're hungry later this evening, 182 00:09:36,342 --> 00:09:38,503 there's a restaurant in the lobby called The Library. 183 00:09:38,544 --> 00:09:40,603 - l highly recommend it. Very good food. - Okay. 184 00:09:40,646 --> 00:09:42,614 This is your key, access to your room. 185 00:09:42,648 --> 00:09:45,344 lt's a card, this is the card slot. 186 00:09:45,384 --> 00:09:47,375 Simply insert the card into the slot. 187 00:09:47,420 --> 00:09:49,388 There's a beeping, wait a second. 188 00:09:49,422 --> 00:09:52,721 Firmly apply pressure and in you go. 189 00:09:52,758 --> 00:09:54,749 That's fascinating. 190 00:09:55,761 --> 00:09:57,729 Some of the amenities, quickly-- 191 00:09:57,763 --> 00:10:00,231 you have a telephone. Dial nine to get out. 192 00:10:00,266 --> 00:10:02,791 - There's a television, here. - Okay, got that. 193 00:10:02,835 --> 00:10:04,996 Just open these. And you have remote control 194 00:10:05,037 --> 00:10:07,437 - for power on and off... - On and off, copy that. 195 00:10:07,473 --> 00:10:09,600 channel up and down, volume up and down. 196 00:10:09,642 --> 00:10:12,668 - A minibar also, underneath. - Got it. 197 00:10:12,712 --> 00:10:16,113 - Thermostat for temperature control. - Yeah, l've seen those. 198 00:10:16,148 --> 00:10:18,514 Uh, bathroom, uh, with shower. 199 00:10:18,551 --> 00:10:21,042 To turn on the water, you go like that with your wrist 200 00:10:21,087 --> 00:10:23,112 and the water comes out? 201 00:10:23,155 --> 00:10:25,123 Yes, yes. 202 00:10:25,157 --> 00:10:27,387 - Uh, the cold is on the right. - Uh-huh, okay. 203 00:10:27,426 --> 00:10:29,587 - And that's a window? - Yes. 204 00:10:29,629 --> 00:10:32,029 You walk over to it and you can look out. 205 00:10:32,064 --> 00:10:33,964 - ls that what it's for? - Yes. 206 00:10:34,000 --> 00:10:36,798 - Basically that's what it's for, right? - Basically, yes. 207 00:10:36,836 --> 00:10:39,236 All right, excellent. l think l got everything. 208 00:10:39,271 --> 00:10:42,069 The floor is for standing. 209 00:10:42,108 --> 00:10:45,339 l think l got it. Kind of complicated. 210 00:10:45,378 --> 00:10:47,403 l'll go over it again. Okay, thank you. 211 00:10:47,446 --> 00:10:50,643 - You're welcome. You're very welcome. - All right. 212 00:10:52,652 --> 00:10:55,018 l don't have anything for you right now. 213 00:10:55,054 --> 00:10:57,022 l only got, like, 20s. 214 00:10:57,056 --> 00:10:58,819 Sorry, l'll get you tomorrow. 215 00:10:58,858 --> 00:11:01,122 - Don't be dubious. Don't be dubious. - No no. 216 00:11:01,160 --> 00:11:03,128 You're dubious. l'm gonna get you tomorrow. 217 00:11:03,162 --> 00:11:05,687 Thank you very much. Thank you. 218 00:11:05,731 --> 00:11:08,029 l'll see you outside. Um... 219 00:11:08,067 --> 00:11:10,399 - Seriously, l will. There's no problem. - Okay. 220 00:11:10,436 --> 00:11:12,404 l'm not gonna give you a 20, that's nuts. 221 00:11:12,438 --> 00:11:14,406 That's nutsy, right? Come on. 222 00:11:14,440 --> 00:11:16,772 Sure, it's very nuts. lt's crazy. 223 00:11:16,809 --> 00:11:19,607 - Have a pleasant evening. - l'm supposed to give you a 20? 224 00:11:19,645 --> 00:11:22,808 The guy will wind up with more money than me if everybody gave him a 20. 225 00:11:24,483 --> 00:11:26,474 - Hello? - Hey. 226 00:11:26,519 --> 00:11:29,352 - Let's go down and get a drink. - l just got here. 227 00:11:29,388 --> 00:11:31,083 Who wants to sit in the room? Let's go down. 228 00:11:31,123 --> 00:11:34,718 - l kind of gotta go study my lines. - Study your lines? 229 00:11:34,760 --> 00:11:38,252 You've got two days left until the anniversary gift expires. 230 00:11:38,297 --> 00:11:40,595 l've got two days until l open on Broadway. 231 00:11:40,633 --> 00:11:44,296 You know your lines. You're gonna be great, don't worry about it. 232 00:11:44,336 --> 00:11:47,703 Now you need to go down and meet some gals. 233 00:11:47,740 --> 00:11:49,731 Can't let this run out, my friend. 234 00:11:49,775 --> 00:11:51,242 All right, give me a half hour. 235 00:11:51,277 --> 00:11:52,767 l'll see you down there. 236 00:11:54,947 --> 00:11:57,848 Yeah. 237 00:12:03,155 --> 00:12:06,283 - Oh, hi. - Hello. l'm being very witty. 238 00:12:06,325 --> 00:12:07,986 - Oh, are you? - Yeah. 239 00:12:08,027 --> 00:12:09,892 - As is your wont. - As is my wont. 240 00:12:09,929 --> 00:12:11,829 Larry David, l'm sorry, your name again? 241 00:12:11,864 --> 00:12:15,231 - Christina. Hello. - Hello. 242 00:12:15,267 --> 00:12:17,428 How do you two know each other? 243 00:12:17,470 --> 00:12:20,462 - We're business associates. - Yes, we're in business together. 244 00:12:20,506 --> 00:12:23,270 - What kind of business are you in? - Grooming. 245 00:12:23,309 --> 00:12:25,277 - Pet grooming. - Pet grooming? 246 00:12:25,311 --> 00:12:27,506 - Really? Wow. - Pet grooming? 247 00:12:27,546 --> 00:12:29,514 Yeah, we have a truck and we shampoo dogs. 248 00:12:29,548 --> 00:12:31,812 We have a staff that does it. We sit in the front. 249 00:12:31,851 --> 00:12:33,716 We groom sometimes with scissors. 250 00:12:33,753 --> 00:12:35,880 Horses, cats, any animal. 251 00:12:35,921 --> 00:12:38,014 What do you really do? Come on. 252 00:12:38,057 --> 00:12:41,515 He is about to star on Broadway. 253 00:12:41,560 --> 00:12:43,790 - What, really? - ln ''The Producers.'' 254 00:12:43,829 --> 00:12:46,059 - ln ''The Producers''? - Max Bialystock. 255 00:12:46,098 --> 00:12:48,066 - You're kidding. - No. 256 00:12:48,100 --> 00:12:49,624 Why are you making that face? 257 00:12:49,668 --> 00:12:51,829 l have a tic. l'm going on stage with a tic. 258 00:12:51,871 --> 00:12:54,362 You don't have a tic. l didn't see the tic before. 259 00:12:54,406 --> 00:12:56,636 Come on. 260 00:12:56,675 --> 00:12:58,836 You know, it could throw off the show. 261 00:12:58,878 --> 00:13:01,540 Ask her what she does. 262 00:13:01,580 --> 00:13:03,605 What do you do? 263 00:13:03,649 --> 00:13:05,640 l'm a fellatio teacher. 264 00:13:05,684 --> 00:13:09,313 - Good, very good. - Okay, now, let's be honest here. 265 00:13:09,355 --> 00:13:12,153 lf l had made it up would l have said, ''Ask what she does''? 266 00:13:12,191 --> 00:13:14,250 - l know you made it up. - No, it's not like-- 267 00:13:14,293 --> 00:13:16,784 How much money did he give you to say that? 268 00:13:16,829 --> 00:13:19,696 - No, it's absolutely true. - l'd let you find out on your own. 269 00:13:19,732 --> 00:13:21,791 - Oh, sure, yeah. - l am a fellatio teacher. 270 00:13:21,834 --> 00:13:23,927 - Really? - Mmm-hmm. 271 00:13:23,969 --> 00:13:25,869 - That's what you do? - Yes. 272 00:13:25,905 --> 00:13:28,100 - You have classes? - l'm an expert. 273 00:13:28,140 --> 00:13:30,131 l don't know how anybody could do that without a blindfold. 274 00:13:30,176 --> 00:13:32,872 - That's crazy. - lt's a grotesque monster, that penis. 275 00:13:32,912 --> 00:13:35,642 No, it is not grotesque, don't even say that. lt's beautiful. 276 00:13:35,681 --> 00:13:38,809 And it's sad if somebody doesn't get to experience it, yeah. 277 00:13:38,851 --> 00:13:41,012 Oh, dear God. 278 00:13:43,656 --> 00:13:46,181 All right. A little Mexicali. 279 00:13:46,225 --> 00:13:48,193 Do you like spicy food? 280 00:13:48,227 --> 00:13:50,718 l love spicy food. 281 00:13:50,763 --> 00:13:54,164 - l-- l love spicy food. - l love spicy food. 282 00:13:54,200 --> 00:13:56,668 Did you know... 283 00:13:56,702 --> 00:13:58,761 that spicy food makes 284 00:13:58,804 --> 00:14:01,272 a man's come taste delicious? 285 00:14:02,641 --> 00:14:05,007 - l did not know that. - lt does. 286 00:14:05,044 --> 00:14:07,205 - l did not know that. - lt's true. 287 00:14:07,246 --> 00:14:11,080 Little Johnny did not know that. 288 00:14:11,116 --> 00:14:14,176 Delicious, oh-ho. 289 00:14:14,220 --> 00:14:17,519 - So, l started teaching classes. - Uh-huh. 290 00:14:17,556 --> 00:14:19,751 l wrote a book. 291 00:14:19,792 --> 00:14:22,590 l started realizing that women were just so... 292 00:14:22,628 --> 00:14:24,528 sort of timid about the whole thing. 293 00:14:26,031 --> 00:14:28,295 You okay? 294 00:14:28,334 --> 00:14:30,393 Just the way l like it. 295 00:14:30,436 --> 00:14:32,529 Hmm. 296 00:14:32,571 --> 00:14:35,062 What's your favorite part of getting a blowjob? 297 00:14:45,684 --> 00:14:48,448 You've got some napkin on your head still. 298 00:14:52,191 --> 00:14:54,421 - Are you drinking that water? - You know what? 299 00:14:54,460 --> 00:14:56,758 That's my water. That's my-- 300 00:15:00,132 --> 00:15:02,828 - People are eating. - Yeah, it went down the wrong pipe. 301 00:15:03,936 --> 00:15:05,528 How's the food? 302 00:15:09,608 --> 00:15:11,838 Where do you live? 303 00:15:11,877 --> 00:15:14,903 Live in the city? Using that napkin? 304 00:15:14,947 --> 00:15:16,915 - l think l'm gonna go. - What? 305 00:15:16,949 --> 00:15:19,816 Yeah, l don't feel hungry anymore. 306 00:15:19,852 --> 00:15:22,616 - What, really? - l'm feeling a little sick, actually. 307 00:15:27,526 --> 00:15:29,426 Where are you going? 308 00:15:37,670 --> 00:15:40,332 You'll never regret this. Thank you, Herr Liebkind. 309 00:15:56,755 --> 00:15:59,053 That's all l'm talking about. 310 00:15:59,091 --> 00:16:01,753 Hey, what's up? What's going on? 311 00:16:03,896 --> 00:16:06,091 How much longer do you think this is gonna go on? 312 00:16:06,131 --> 00:16:09,589 l can't say really. 313 00:16:11,337 --> 00:16:13,305 You know, we open in two days. 314 00:16:13,339 --> 00:16:14,863 You should maybe get some sleep. 315 00:16:14,907 --> 00:16:17,637 You want to be refreshed, right? 316 00:16:18,644 --> 00:16:20,134 Yes. 317 00:16:20,179 --> 00:16:22,875 Mmm, dude, have you seen my watch? 318 00:16:22,915 --> 00:16:24,610 l lost my watch l think at rehearsal. 319 00:16:24,650 --> 00:16:27,642 lt's a black Tag, with three silver things, 320 00:16:27,686 --> 00:16:29,654 like, three dials on it. 321 00:16:29,688 --> 00:16:32,816 - ls that Jennifer Aniston? - Seriously, have you seen it? 322 00:16:32,858 --> 00:16:34,985 - Huh? - No, l don't know what-- 323 00:16:35,027 --> 00:16:37,655 - l didn't see any watch, no. - Hey, you guys made it! 324 00:16:37,696 --> 00:16:40,096 Come on in, hey! lt's all right, go ahead. 325 00:16:40,132 --> 00:16:43,363 - There's sushi on its way. - David, who are you talking to? 326 00:16:43,402 --> 00:16:44,926 Nobody. 327 00:16:44,970 --> 00:16:46,938 Okay, hold on. Hold on. 328 00:16:46,972 --> 00:16:49,532 Um, l'll see you at the meeting tomorrow, yeah? 329 00:16:49,575 --> 00:16:52,908 Get some sleep, dude. Seriously, you look ill. 330 00:16:59,351 --> 00:17:01,319 How's it coming? 331 00:17:01,353 --> 00:17:03,321 - Almost done, sir. - Yeah? 332 00:17:03,355 --> 00:17:05,346 Freezing in here last night. 333 00:17:05,391 --> 00:17:07,291 l could not turn down that air conditioning. 334 00:17:07,326 --> 00:17:09,089 Yeah, sometimes they just-- 335 00:17:09,128 --> 00:17:12,120 you've gotta get in there and fix it and it'll work again. 336 00:17:12,164 --> 00:17:14,564 - You're a pretty smart guy. - Thank you very much. 337 00:17:14,600 --> 00:17:16,659 l could study the rest of my life, 338 00:17:16,702 --> 00:17:19,671 every day, eight hours a day, l could never do that. For the rest of my life. 339 00:17:19,705 --> 00:17:22,173 - l'm not even kidding. - Maybe, l don't know. 340 00:17:23,208 --> 00:17:24,675 - Ah. - Good morning. 341 00:17:24,710 --> 00:17:26,302 Good morning. 342 00:17:26,345 --> 00:17:28,711 Beautiful beautiful. 343 00:17:28,747 --> 00:17:30,738 There you go, sir, thank you. 344 00:17:33,519 --> 00:17:36,317 $53? lt's breakfast. 345 00:17:36,355 --> 00:17:38,323 l don't set the prices, sir. 346 00:17:38,357 --> 00:17:40,621 Eggs, pancakes, 347 00:17:40,659 --> 00:17:42,627 juice, coffee-- $53? 348 00:17:42,661 --> 00:17:44,720 Mm-hmm, it's a nice breakfast, yeah. 349 00:17:44,763 --> 00:17:46,390 Tip is included? 350 00:17:46,432 --> 00:17:49,629 - Yeah, 18%. You just need to sign. - 18%. 351 00:17:49,668 --> 00:17:51,693 Do people generally give you more 352 00:17:51,737 --> 00:17:54,535 - on the extra bonus tipping? - Yeah, sometimes. 353 00:17:54,573 --> 00:17:56,473 - They do? - Yeah. 354 00:17:56,508 --> 00:17:59,602 - l'll give you another 2%. - Thank you very much. 355 00:17:59,645 --> 00:18:01,613 All right? Thank you very much. 356 00:18:01,647 --> 00:18:04,343 - Thank you, have a nice day. - Okay, you too. 357 00:18:04,383 --> 00:18:05,873 Pardon me. 358 00:18:05,918 --> 00:18:08,079 - Hey, Andy! - Hey hey hey. 359 00:18:08,120 --> 00:18:11,021 How are you, Mr. Ethel Merman? 360 00:18:11,056 --> 00:18:13,547 - Look who's here. - Look at you. 361 00:18:13,592 --> 00:18:15,685 - Wow. - See, l called you. Are you happy? 362 00:18:15,727 --> 00:18:17,251 You called, here l am. 363 00:18:17,296 --> 00:18:20,094 - Are you coming tomorrow night? - Of course l'm coming. 364 00:18:20,132 --> 00:18:22,999 - l got one ticket for you. - Okay, how are you gonna get it to me? 365 00:18:23,035 --> 00:18:25,333 l'll leave it at ''will call.'' 366 00:18:25,370 --> 00:18:27,930 Oh, no, it's packed there. Especially opening night. 367 00:18:27,973 --> 00:18:30,840 Okay, fine fine fine. l'll get there early. l'll be fine. 368 00:18:30,876 --> 00:18:33,367 So, how is play practice? How's it going? 369 00:18:33,412 --> 00:18:35,380 Rehearsal. Rehearsal, yeah. 370 00:18:35,414 --> 00:18:37,507 l call it play practice. When l was doing ''Pippin,'' 371 00:18:37,549 --> 00:18:39,517 we stayed after school for play practice. 372 00:18:39,551 --> 00:18:41,519 But how is it? 373 00:18:41,553 --> 00:18:44,613 l don't see you doing it at all, but you'll be great! 374 00:18:44,656 --> 00:18:47,124 - You'll be wonderful. - Yeah, thanks. 375 00:18:47,159 --> 00:18:50,356 - l didn't know you sang and you danced. - l really don't. 376 00:18:50,395 --> 00:18:52,454 - Wow! - l don't know, Mel Brooks liked me-- 377 00:18:52,498 --> 00:18:54,432 Really? 378 00:18:54,466 --> 00:18:56,434 Oh, my gosh, you're a star. 379 00:18:56,468 --> 00:18:58,197 - You're gonna be a star. - Oh, stop it. 380 00:18:58,237 --> 00:19:00,467 So what are you doing? Wanna take a ride out to Westchester, 381 00:19:00,506 --> 00:19:02,565 maybe go look at some open houses? 382 00:19:02,608 --> 00:19:04,576 - You're buying a house? - No no no. 383 00:19:04,610 --> 00:19:06,578 Open houses, you just go, you visit, you know? 384 00:19:06,612 --> 00:19:08,375 You just go in, you tour around 385 00:19:08,413 --> 00:19:10,472 pretend you're buying, but you don't. 386 00:19:10,516 --> 00:19:13,007 Just go drive around to homes? 387 00:19:13,051 --> 00:19:16,316 lf you're not buying them what's the point? Just to look at the homes? 388 00:19:16,355 --> 00:19:19,654 - Yes! Oh, it's beautiful-- - You know what? 389 00:19:19,691 --> 00:19:22,023 l can't do it anyway. l gotta study my lines. 390 00:19:22,060 --> 00:19:23,755 - l can't do it. - Okay. 391 00:19:23,795 --> 00:19:26,821 - All right, sir, we're all done. - All right. 392 00:19:26,865 --> 00:19:28,958 - Excellent job, thank you. - Thank you, sir. 393 00:19:29,001 --> 00:19:32,960 - Thank you very much. - Thank you, no problem, okay. 394 00:19:33,005 --> 00:19:35,269 - Thank you. - Thank you. 395 00:19:36,675 --> 00:19:39,041 - Goodbye. - Bye-bye. 396 00:19:39,077 --> 00:19:40,567 Bye-bye. 397 00:19:41,580 --> 00:19:43,480 Was l supposed to tip that guy? 398 00:19:43,515 --> 00:19:45,608 - The guy fixing that? - Yeah. 399 00:19:45,651 --> 00:19:49,143 Uh-huh. Not a lot, but you gotta tip him. 400 00:19:49,188 --> 00:19:51,816 Why do l have to tip him? He's just a-- 401 00:19:51,857 --> 00:19:53,552 he came in and fixed something. 402 00:19:53,592 --> 00:19:56,060 He performed a service and you tip him for a service. 403 00:19:56,094 --> 00:19:57,686 Of course you do. 404 00:19:57,729 --> 00:20:00,459 This whole tipping thing, it's so confusing. 405 00:20:01,800 --> 00:20:03,961 Good morning, Mr. David. ls this a good time to clean up? 406 00:20:04,002 --> 00:20:05,993 Okay, come on in. 407 00:20:10,209 --> 00:20:12,177 Hey, let me ask you a question. 408 00:20:12,211 --> 00:20:15,510 - Did you find that watch on your cart? - Yes. 409 00:20:15,547 --> 00:20:17,515 - Really? - Yeah. 410 00:20:17,549 --> 00:20:19,540 l know whose watch that is. 411 00:20:23,188 --> 00:20:25,918 Schwimmer, hey, l hope you get this message. 412 00:20:25,958 --> 00:20:27,926 l found your watch. 413 00:20:27,960 --> 00:20:30,520 You can thank me at the meeting. 414 00:20:30,562 --> 00:20:32,553 All right, goodbye. 415 00:20:37,502 --> 00:20:39,595 Hey. 416 00:20:39,638 --> 00:20:42,698 - Remember me from yesterday? - Yeah yeah, sure. 417 00:20:42,741 --> 00:20:45,175 Everything okay? lt's all straightened out? 418 00:20:45,210 --> 00:20:47,371 Straightened out what? 419 00:20:47,412 --> 00:20:50,176 l gave the other doorman, the heavy-set guy with the glasses... 420 00:20:50,215 --> 00:20:52,513 - Yeah-- - l gave him $20, told him to give 10. 421 00:20:52,551 --> 00:20:55,111 - You didn't get the $10? - No. 422 00:20:55,153 --> 00:20:57,121 What? 423 00:20:57,155 --> 00:21:00,147 How you doing? How you doing? Take care. 424 00:21:00,192 --> 00:21:02,956 - He didn't give you any money? - No, not a dime. 425 00:21:05,564 --> 00:21:07,794 You sure he didn't give you anything? 426 00:21:07,833 --> 00:21:09,801 Yeah, l'm sure. 427 00:21:09,835 --> 00:21:12,429 ln other words, 428 00:21:12,471 --> 00:21:14,439 he's got the $10 now, 429 00:21:14,473 --> 00:21:16,566 and he chose not to give it to you. 430 00:21:16,608 --> 00:21:19,600 - ls that what you're saying? - No, that's what you're saying. 431 00:21:19,645 --> 00:21:22,671 l'm saying l didn't get $10 from him. 432 00:21:22,714 --> 00:21:24,773 Hmm. 433 00:21:38,196 --> 00:21:40,596 Okay. 434 00:21:40,632 --> 00:21:43,294 All right. Fine. 435 00:21:43,335 --> 00:21:45,963 - Here you go. - Thank you. Thank you very much. 436 00:21:46,004 --> 00:21:47,733 - You're welcome. - This means a lot. 437 00:21:47,773 --> 00:21:49,934 l'll tell you, Sanjay over there 438 00:21:49,975 --> 00:21:52,466 was a little upset this morning. 439 00:21:52,511 --> 00:21:54,911 You didn't-- you didn't take care of him. 440 00:21:54,946 --> 00:21:57,073 Take care of him? He's a repairman. 441 00:21:57,115 --> 00:21:59,879 Well, yeah, but he helped you out and you didn't-- 442 00:21:59,918 --> 00:22:02,682 He works for the hotel. My air conditioning wasn't working. 443 00:22:02,721 --> 00:22:04,882 l didn't have a good night's sleep. What am l supposed to do? 444 00:22:04,923 --> 00:22:07,892 Just, maybe want a little something. 445 00:22:07,926 --> 00:22:10,292 Can you have any kind of conversation with you people 446 00:22:10,329 --> 00:22:12,456 without it ending up with a financial exchange? 447 00:22:12,497 --> 00:22:15,864 Well, yes, but, like l said-- 448 00:22:15,901 --> 00:22:17,835 Oh, all right. 449 00:22:18,837 --> 00:22:20,805 Excuse me. 450 00:22:20,839 --> 00:22:22,807 Oh, hello, sir. 451 00:22:22,841 --> 00:22:24,809 l was talking to Tim over there. 452 00:22:24,843 --> 00:22:26,811 He says you were a little upset this morning 453 00:22:26,845 --> 00:22:29,245 that you didn't get some kind of gratuity. 454 00:22:29,281 --> 00:22:31,249 A little perturbed, yeah, a little. 455 00:22:31,283 --> 00:22:32,750 - Really? - Yeah, sure. 456 00:22:32,784 --> 00:22:35,048 That's your job, Sanji. 457 00:22:35,087 --> 00:22:36,884 You know, it's just like, ''Hey, l appreciate this.'' 458 00:22:36,922 --> 00:22:39,550 Common courtesy sometimes, ''Hey, thank you.'' 459 00:22:39,591 --> 00:22:41,889 - Common courtesy, really? - l put in the time, you know, 460 00:22:41,927 --> 00:22:43,895 fixed the air for you. 461 00:22:43,929 --> 00:22:46,989 - l'll tell you what l'm gonna do. - Yeah. 462 00:22:47,032 --> 00:22:49,660 - You know the show, ''The Producers?'' - Sure, big show. 463 00:22:49,701 --> 00:22:52,727 l'm in the show. l'm gonna get some tickets today, l'll give you a ticket. 464 00:22:52,771 --> 00:22:54,363 - How about that? - l'll take a ticket. 465 00:22:54,406 --> 00:22:57,136 - So we're square? - Yeah, we are, that's good karma. 466 00:22:57,175 --> 00:22:59,507 - All right, Sanji. - Hey, that's good. Sanjay. 467 00:22:59,544 --> 00:23:02,104 - Sanjay. - Thank you. 468 00:23:12,290 --> 00:23:14,258 Excuse me, hey, could l ask you a favor? 469 00:23:14,292 --> 00:23:17,784 - Would you please take our photograph? - Thank you. 470 00:23:17,829 --> 00:23:19,558 l'm not really very good at this stuff. 471 00:23:19,598 --> 00:23:21,566 lt's no big deal, it's just a point-and-click. 472 00:23:21,600 --> 00:23:23,295 - All right. - But you gotta turn it around. 473 00:23:23,335 --> 00:23:25,098 - Oh, okay. - Thank you. 474 00:23:25,137 --> 00:23:27,935 But do it horizontally. 475 00:23:27,973 --> 00:23:30,203 Okay, you know what? lt actually works 476 00:23:30,242 --> 00:23:32,142 a lot better like this 477 00:23:32,177 --> 00:23:34,145 'cause l get all the background. 478 00:23:34,179 --> 00:23:36,340 l see the buildings, l see the signs. 479 00:23:36,381 --> 00:23:39,111 Okay, but take it horizontally, and if l want it vertical 480 00:23:39,151 --> 00:23:41,415 l'll Photoshop it, and this way l have the option. 481 00:23:41,453 --> 00:23:44,251 - Just do it horizontally. - l mean, if you saw what l see-- 482 00:23:44,289 --> 00:23:46,951 - l got it here. Take it horizontally. - Maybe he's right. 483 00:23:46,992 --> 00:23:49,256 - You get the whole city feel. - l see the whole background. 484 00:23:49,294 --> 00:23:52,161 - Don't do this, okay? - John, l was just-- 485 00:23:52,197 --> 00:23:55,689 You are constantly undermining every decision l've made on this trip! 486 00:23:55,734 --> 00:23:58,430 - Sir, you know what? - There's nothing l can do to please you 487 00:23:58,470 --> 00:24:00,438 since you got off the goddamn airplane! 488 00:24:00,472 --> 00:24:03,305 Why don't you guys work this out, okay? Seriously. 489 00:24:03,341 --> 00:24:05,309 Oh, so no photo? 490 00:24:05,343 --> 00:24:08,403 - So you're out, that's it? - Yeah, l'm out. 491 00:24:08,447 --> 00:24:10,381 - Okay, thanks. - Excuse me, is that you? 492 00:24:10,415 --> 00:24:12,747 That's the actor. We just picked up our tickets. 493 00:24:12,784 --> 00:24:15,912 - We're seeing the show tomorrow night. - You're in the show? 494 00:24:15,954 --> 00:24:17,922 Great, oh, l can't wait! 495 00:24:17,956 --> 00:24:19,924 Because you 496 00:24:19,958 --> 00:24:21,619 will 497 00:24:21,660 --> 00:24:25,152 fail! 498 00:24:34,940 --> 00:24:37,340 - Where's Max Bialystock? - Absolutely. 499 00:24:37,375 --> 00:24:39,070 He'll be here. He'll be here. 500 00:24:39,110 --> 00:24:41,874 - Mel, l really-- - Hello. 501 00:24:41,913 --> 00:24:44,848 Hi, Larry. 502 00:24:44,883 --> 00:24:48,478 # Larry David and you're dangerously near me # 503 00:24:48,520 --> 00:24:51,546 # lt's Larry David! # l'm so glad you're here. 504 00:24:51,590 --> 00:24:54,559 - Hey, Norm. - Hey, Larry, how are you doing today? 505 00:24:54,593 --> 00:24:56,561 Susan Stroman, the best director. 506 00:24:56,595 --> 00:24:58,859 You are so lucky you got her. 507 00:24:58,897 --> 00:25:00,990 Look, l got the lenses put in my Max glasses. 508 00:25:01,032 --> 00:25:02,795 - Check it out. - Great. 509 00:25:02,834 --> 00:25:04,563 Oh, it's great. l like it. 510 00:25:04,603 --> 00:25:06,161 - You love that? - Absolutely. 511 00:25:06,204 --> 00:25:08,172 - My father wears these. - l love them. 512 00:25:08,206 --> 00:25:10,766 Okay, you think they'll work. 513 00:25:10,809 --> 00:25:13,607 l got your message, by the way. Thank you so much. 514 00:25:13,645 --> 00:25:15,408 - You're welcome. - He found my watch. 515 00:25:15,447 --> 00:25:17,074 - Oh! - Fantastic. 516 00:25:17,115 --> 00:25:20,243 l lost it yesterday sometime. Anyway, thank you so much. 517 00:25:20,285 --> 00:25:22,719 Oh, do you have it now? 518 00:25:22,754 --> 00:25:24,949 - That's fantastic. - That's a relief. 519 00:25:24,990 --> 00:25:26,855 All during rehearsal he was going, 520 00:25:26,892 --> 00:25:29,326 - ''Where's my watch?'' - Did you leave it at the hotel? 521 00:25:29,361 --> 00:25:31,295 What the hell is going on here? 522 00:25:31,329 --> 00:25:33,229 Are you kidding or you really found it? 523 00:25:33,265 --> 00:25:35,927 No, l found it and l had it in my pocket. 524 00:25:35,967 --> 00:25:38,333 Did you look, maybe-- 525 00:25:38,370 --> 00:25:39,962 Remember putting it in your pockets? 526 00:25:40,005 --> 00:25:43,133 - l put it in this jacket pocket. - That jacket? 527 00:25:43,174 --> 00:25:45,267 What, you lost the watch? 528 00:25:46,444 --> 00:25:48,708 Oh gee, l guess l lost the watch, 529 00:25:48,747 --> 00:25:51,511 - l'm sorry. - You lost-- 530 00:25:51,550 --> 00:25:53,245 Maybe it's in the cab. 531 00:25:53,285 --> 00:25:56,152 lt could drop out of the pocket. 532 00:25:56,187 --> 00:25:58,587 - Did you take your jacket off? - No. 533 00:25:58,623 --> 00:26:00,614 l'm just trying to comprehend this. 534 00:26:00,659 --> 00:26:03,560 You lost my watch that you had 535 00:26:03,595 --> 00:26:05,790 less than an hour ago in your hands, correct? 536 00:26:05,830 --> 00:26:08,094 Yeah, sorry. 537 00:26:08,133 --> 00:26:10,567 Well, you owe me a watch. 538 00:26:10,602 --> 00:26:13,799 What are you, nuts? You didn't even have a watch to begin with, 539 00:26:13,838 --> 00:26:16,705 so you're in the same position. There's no change. 540 00:26:16,741 --> 00:26:20,404 lt's a little different. You had my watch and now you don't. 541 00:26:20,445 --> 00:26:22,310 He's right, the watch was lost, 542 00:26:22,347 --> 00:26:24,076 so it continues to be lost. 543 00:26:24,115 --> 00:26:26,948 - What can l say? - You can say-- you can say, 544 00:26:26,985 --> 00:26:29,078 ''l'm sorry, and l'll buy you a new watch.'' 545 00:26:29,120 --> 00:26:30,849 - Buy you a new watch?! - Yeah. 546 00:26:30,889 --> 00:26:33,414 lt was a lost watch. 547 00:26:33,458 --> 00:26:36,188 - You didn't have the watch, right? - Absolutely, no. 548 00:26:36,227 --> 00:26:38,195 He found the watch, so he had the watch. 549 00:26:38,229 --> 00:26:40,163 - Yes. - The watch was there. He had it. 550 00:26:40,198 --> 00:26:42,530 - David lost the watch. - David lost the watch. 551 00:26:42,567 --> 00:26:45,798 Who found the watch? Why is David this upset now? 552 00:26:45,837 --> 00:26:48,237 l don't know why David's this upset now. 553 00:26:48,273 --> 00:26:51,572 - Because it's not your watch. - He did not intentionally lose it! 554 00:26:51,610 --> 00:26:53,908 No, 'cause he lost it first, maybe he should-- 555 00:26:53,945 --> 00:26:56,971 - Possession is 9/10ths-- - lf the watch had never been lost-- 556 00:26:57,015 --> 00:26:59,848 Hey hey, all right! All right! All right! 557 00:26:59,884 --> 00:27:01,875 We must go on here. We have a show to do. 558 00:27:01,920 --> 00:27:04,616 Max and Leo have got to get along. 559 00:27:04,656 --> 00:27:07,955 The whole point of the show is that Max and Leo love each other. 560 00:27:07,993 --> 00:27:11,588 That's the success of this musical, is that journey, 561 00:27:11,630 --> 00:27:14,258 that you not only become successful producers, 562 00:27:14,299 --> 00:27:16,267 you become wonderful friends. 563 00:27:16,301 --> 00:27:19,293 Now, we can't let what has happened here come into this show. 564 00:27:19,337 --> 00:27:21,669 - She's right. - You don't have to worry about me. 565 00:27:21,706 --> 00:27:24,038 - What are you doing? - l'm just arranging-- 566 00:27:24,075 --> 00:27:26,543 lt looks like you're building a sandcastle on the table. 567 00:27:26,578 --> 00:27:28,671 Let's start to read. 568 00:27:28,713 --> 00:27:30,681 Now, fellas, 569 00:27:30,715 --> 00:27:33,206 the one thing l wanted to talk about was that opening scene. 570 00:27:33,251 --> 00:27:36,709 Oh, you know what? l just gotta wash my hands. l'll be right back. 571 00:27:38,223 --> 00:27:40,123 l don't know, we need to get started. 572 00:27:40,158 --> 00:27:41,955 Have you noticed? 573 00:27:41,993 --> 00:27:44,223 Have you noticed him doing stuff like this? 574 00:27:44,262 --> 00:27:46,924 He's compulsive beyond belief. 575 00:27:46,965 --> 00:27:49,195 Some people get nervous, they wash their hands. 576 00:27:49,234 --> 00:27:50,997 lt's a quirk, it's a quirk. 577 00:27:51,036 --> 00:27:53,027 You know, people have quirks. 578 00:27:53,071 --> 00:27:55,062 Okay. 579 00:27:57,308 --> 00:28:00,209 All right, so now about that first scene, 580 00:28:00,245 --> 00:28:03,305 the thing is, you have to drive that scene forward. 581 00:28:03,348 --> 00:28:05,179 - Larry? - Yeah. 582 00:28:05,216 --> 00:28:07,047 So you've got to pick up the cues. 583 00:28:07,085 --> 00:28:09,713 All right, why don't we go to page nine in the script, 584 00:28:09,754 --> 00:28:11,745 see if we can get started here? 585 00:28:15,360 --> 00:28:18,329 lt's not like l lost it on purpose, did l? 586 00:28:18,363 --> 00:28:20,558 l know, he's like a little crazy or something. 587 00:28:20,598 --> 00:28:23,089 Did l take his watch and throw it in the river or something? 588 00:28:23,134 --> 00:28:25,227 l mean, of course l wanted to keep the watch. 589 00:28:25,270 --> 00:28:27,170 - l was excited l got it for him! - l know. 590 00:28:27,205 --> 00:28:28,934 l didn't understand that. 591 00:28:28,973 --> 00:28:31,703 - That's so crazy. - So crazy. So crazy. 592 00:28:32,711 --> 00:28:34,872 Larry! 593 00:28:34,913 --> 00:28:36,437 Oh! 594 00:29:25,930 --> 00:29:28,660 # Opening night # 595 00:29:28,700 --> 00:29:31,897 # lt's opening night! # 596 00:30:03,802 --> 00:30:05,861 l don't know what l was thinking! l can't do this! 597 00:30:05,904 --> 00:30:07,872 Nathan, l'm crazy! Why did l-- 598 00:30:07,906 --> 00:30:10,170 Stop it! Just stop it! l said stop it! 599 00:30:10,208 --> 00:30:12,836 Now stand up! 600 00:30:12,877 --> 00:30:15,778 Take this and go out there! 601 00:30:15,814 --> 00:30:18,476 You can do it! 602 00:30:18,516 --> 00:30:20,484 Don't even look back! 603 00:30:20,518 --> 00:30:22,247 Oy. 604 00:30:36,000 --> 00:30:38,434 - Hey. - You wanna go over there? 605 00:30:38,469 --> 00:30:40,528 - What, to the theater? - Yeah. 606 00:30:40,572 --> 00:30:43,507 Are you cra-- we've got like, an hour and a half. 607 00:30:43,541 --> 00:30:45,839 l thought l'd get there a little earlier. 608 00:30:45,877 --> 00:30:47,845 No, l'm gonna do some stretching. 609 00:30:47,879 --> 00:30:50,370 - All right. - You do any kind of warm-up? 610 00:30:50,415 --> 00:30:52,781 Warm-up? 611 00:30:52,817 --> 00:30:55,547 - Like what? What do you mean? - Like stretching. 612 00:30:55,587 --> 00:30:58,351 - Stretching? - Never mind. 613 00:30:58,389 --> 00:31:00,880 Hey, what about-- 614 00:31:00,925 --> 00:31:03,359 how do you feel about reimbursing me for the watch? 615 00:31:03,394 --> 00:31:06,625 lt seems to me your watch was missing. 616 00:31:06,664 --> 00:31:08,359 l mean, we've gone over this, 617 00:31:08,399 --> 00:31:10,765 but if l didn't find your watch in the first place, 618 00:31:10,802 --> 00:31:13,669 - then it's not mine to lose. - Who had it last? 619 00:31:13,705 --> 00:31:16,105 You're in the same position now as when l started... 620 00:31:16,140 --> 00:31:18,734 - Who had it last? - ...so why am l getting blamed for it? 621 00:31:18,776 --> 00:31:20,767 - l mean, you had it. - You lost your watch. 622 00:31:20,812 --> 00:31:23,838 - Let's not. We have a show to do. - Okay, fine. 623 00:31:23,882 --> 00:31:25,873 - By the way. - Yeah? 624 00:31:25,917 --> 00:31:28,112 You did tell the stewardess that my seat 625 00:31:28,152 --> 00:31:31,121 - wasn't in the upright position, right? - Okay, l'll see you. 626 00:31:50,074 --> 00:31:51,701 Larry David. 627 00:31:51,743 --> 00:31:54,678 - Hi! - l'm a nervous wreck. 628 00:31:54,712 --> 00:31:57,476 Oh no, this'll be exciting. You're gonna be great! 629 00:31:57,515 --> 00:32:00,143 l'm gonna destroy your entire show, don't you understand? 630 00:32:00,184 --> 00:32:02,209 You're doing a great job. They're gonna love you. 631 00:32:02,253 --> 00:32:04,619 - You're gonna get out there-- - Why are they gonna love me? 632 00:32:04,656 --> 00:32:06,556 - People dislike me intensely. - 'Cause you're great! 633 00:32:06,591 --> 00:32:08,183 The audience is not gonna love me. 634 00:32:08,226 --> 00:32:10,956 Yes they are. Mel never would have let you do the show. 635 00:32:10,995 --> 00:32:12,792 What are you doing here so early? 636 00:32:12,830 --> 00:32:15,321 l have to get here early every single night. 637 00:32:15,366 --> 00:32:17,197 l do have rituals. 638 00:32:17,235 --> 00:32:20,363 - Oh, you've got some O.C.D. stuff. - Yeah, lots of them. 639 00:32:20,405 --> 00:32:24,034 - What do you got? - Oh God, pacing, petal counting. 640 00:32:24,075 --> 00:32:26,703 l think l'm gonna bang my head against the wall, maybe 50 times. 641 00:32:26,744 --> 00:32:28,575 - You don't want to do that. - No, l do. 642 00:32:28,613 --> 00:32:30,911 'Cause my mother used to say that to me growing up. 643 00:32:30,949 --> 00:32:33,850 ''Go bang your head against the wall,'' and l took it literally. 644 00:32:33,885 --> 00:32:35,750 l did. l used to bang it against the wall. 645 00:32:35,787 --> 00:32:39,120 That's why l got this condition in the first place, listening to my mother. 646 00:32:39,157 --> 00:32:41,887 Thank you, by the way. That was so sweet of you, 647 00:32:41,926 --> 00:32:43,985 with the guy with the handbag. That was dangerous. 648 00:32:44,028 --> 00:32:45,655 That was really dangerous! 649 00:32:45,697 --> 00:32:47,187 - l didn't think so. - Oh. 650 00:32:47,231 --> 00:32:49,028 - Honestly. - No, you're so sweet. 651 00:32:49,067 --> 00:32:51,331 You know, l didn't even think twice about it. 652 00:32:51,369 --> 00:32:54,463 Honest to God. The right thing to do. 653 00:32:54,505 --> 00:32:56,905 Well, thanks. That doesn't happen much. 654 00:32:56,941 --> 00:33:00,377 lf l didn't go into show business, l was going to become a fireman. 655 00:33:03,081 --> 00:33:05,811 - Hmm. - All right. 656 00:33:08,319 --> 00:33:10,287 l've been thinking about that 657 00:33:10,321 --> 00:33:12,380 10th anniversary present of yours. 658 00:33:15,727 --> 00:33:17,922 You wanna come in? 659 00:33:17,962 --> 00:33:20,396 Sure. 660 00:33:22,100 --> 00:33:24,227 Close the door. 661 00:33:33,044 --> 00:33:35,012 What is that? 662 00:33:35,046 --> 00:33:37,014 - What is that? - What? 663 00:33:37,048 --> 00:33:39,608 - What is that? What is that? - What? What? 664 00:33:39,650 --> 00:33:42,141 - ls that Bush? - Yeah. 665 00:33:46,758 --> 00:33:49,420 You've got a picture of Bush in your dressing room? 666 00:33:49,460 --> 00:33:51,451 Yeah. 667 00:34:00,571 --> 00:34:03,005 You're a Republican? 668 00:34:03,041 --> 00:34:05,134 Yes, Larry, l'm a Republican. 669 00:34:07,845 --> 00:34:09,836 Ugh. 670 00:34:16,387 --> 00:34:18,355 What the fuck were you thinking?! 671 00:34:18,389 --> 00:34:21,222 A picture of Bush, who gives a flying fuck? 672 00:34:21,259 --> 00:34:23,318 l'd fuck her with a Bush mask on! 673 00:34:23,361 --> 00:34:27,024 You think these glasses are okay? l think l made a mistake. 674 00:34:27,065 --> 00:34:29,465 l look like l'm about 85 years old in this costume, 675 00:34:29,500 --> 00:34:31,468 - l swear to God, look at me. - No, you look great. 676 00:34:31,502 --> 00:34:33,470 Who's this? 677 00:34:34,639 --> 00:34:36,197 Hello. 678 00:34:36,240 --> 00:34:39,767 Andy, they're at the ''will call'' window! 679 00:34:41,079 --> 00:34:43,912 What are you talking-- of course l left them there! 680 00:34:43,948 --> 00:34:47,406 Are you crazy? l've got my costume on, l'm not gonna go out there. 681 00:34:47,452 --> 00:34:50,250 Quiet down, all right. 682 00:34:50,288 --> 00:34:52,256 l'll be there in a minute. 683 00:34:52,290 --> 00:34:54,224 Stupid cousin Andy, you know? 684 00:34:54,258 --> 00:34:56,954 The ticket, they don't have it at the ''will call'' window. 685 00:34:56,994 --> 00:34:59,986 Shit, do me a favor, help me with this, will you? 686 00:35:01,766 --> 00:35:04,234 How did you get this on? l can't even figure it out. 687 00:35:04,268 --> 00:35:06,168 - l know. - Let me go down. l'll go down. 688 00:35:06,204 --> 00:35:08,536 l can't, l've got to take care of this. 689 00:35:16,547 --> 00:35:18,481 - They don't have them. - What? 690 00:35:18,516 --> 00:35:20,381 They don't have my tickets, l asked. 691 00:35:20,418 --> 00:35:22,443 - Shh, quiet down. - l told you. 692 00:35:22,487 --> 00:35:25,650 - Why didn't you give them to me? - Did you mention my name? 693 00:35:25,690 --> 00:35:27,783 How would l know to ask your name? 694 00:35:27,825 --> 00:35:31,226 You said they'd be under my name. Honest to God! 695 00:35:31,262 --> 00:35:32,991 Excuse me, l'm sorry. Excuse me. 696 00:35:33,030 --> 00:35:35,624 Hey hey hey, there's a line here! 697 00:35:35,666 --> 00:35:37,998 - l just need one ticket. - But there's a line here. 698 00:35:38,035 --> 00:35:40,094 - Go to the back of the line. - l'm in the show, l'm Bialystock. 699 00:35:40,138 --> 00:35:42,265 l don't care who you are, go to the back of the line! 700 00:35:42,306 --> 00:35:44,900 - Thank you. - That is so rude! 701 00:35:47,845 --> 00:35:50,040 Thank you. Thank you very much. 702 00:35:50,081 --> 00:35:53,073 l'll see you after, okay? We'll go for coffee. 703 00:35:54,252 --> 00:35:56,447 - Hey. - Thank you for the ticket. 704 00:35:56,487 --> 00:35:59,388 - You're very welcome. - Very kind. lt has your name on it. 705 00:35:59,423 --> 00:36:02,551 Larry David, that's you, huh? 706 00:36:02,593 --> 00:36:05,153 - Almost show time, huh? - Where did you get that watch? 707 00:36:05,196 --> 00:36:07,391 Oh, l found it. 708 00:36:07,431 --> 00:36:09,058 Yeah, in the hotel, right? 709 00:36:09,100 --> 00:36:11,091 Yeah, l found it in the hotel. 710 00:36:11,135 --> 00:36:13,103 Okay, l'm sorry to tell you this, 711 00:36:13,137 --> 00:36:15,537 but that's David Schwimmer's watch. 712 00:36:15,573 --> 00:36:17,837 - No, l found it, it's my watch. - l know you found it. 713 00:36:17,875 --> 00:36:19,934 - You found it in the hotel, right? - Yes, yes. 714 00:36:19,977 --> 00:36:22,411 - lt belongs to David Schwimmer. - No, finders keepers. 715 00:36:22,446 --> 00:36:25,108 Finders keepers? No, not finders keepers, that's not right. 716 00:36:25,149 --> 00:36:27,447 - l found it. - l know, but it's not your watch. 717 00:36:27,485 --> 00:36:29,851 - lt's my watch now. - lt's David's, come on. 718 00:36:30,922 --> 00:36:32,981 Okay, okay, fine. 719 00:36:36,027 --> 00:36:38,018 - Thank you. - You're welcome. 720 00:36:41,432 --> 00:36:45,266 - Hey, honey! - Hey. 721 00:36:45,303 --> 00:36:47,271 What are you doing in the lobby 722 00:36:47,305 --> 00:36:49,796 20 minutes before the show fighting with a Sikh? 723 00:36:49,840 --> 00:36:52,308 lt's too long a story, l gotta get out of here. 724 00:36:52,343 --> 00:36:54,311 l can't talk now, l'm so sorry, l gotta-- 725 00:36:54,345 --> 00:36:56,040 Okay, okay, happy anniversary. 726 00:36:56,080 --> 00:36:58,173 Happy anniversary. Happy anniversary. 727 00:36:58,216 --> 00:37:01,708 How did it go? How did the anniversary gift go? 728 00:37:01,752 --> 00:37:03,913 Did you cash in? Oh! 729 00:37:03,955 --> 00:37:06,924 - Alas, l did not. - lt didn't happen? 730 00:37:06,958 --> 00:37:09,085 But l'll still have an hour after the show ends. 731 00:37:09,126 --> 00:37:10,616 - Okay, yeah. - So don't count me out yet. 732 00:37:10,661 --> 00:37:12,253 No no, you still have an hour. 733 00:37:12,296 --> 00:37:14,287 Okay, you should get going. 734 00:37:22,240 --> 00:37:23,867 Good luck. 735 00:37:27,278 --> 00:37:29,269 l gotta go. 736 00:37:37,521 --> 00:37:40,046 - Hey. - Hey. 737 00:37:43,527 --> 00:37:46,018 What are you-- 738 00:37:46,063 --> 00:37:47,587 are you kidding? 739 00:37:47,632 --> 00:37:49,725 - Huh? Look a little familiar? - Give me. 740 00:37:49,767 --> 00:37:52,099 Where did you-- how, what happened? 741 00:37:52,136 --> 00:37:54,730 One of the maintenance guys from the hotel had it on. 742 00:37:54,772 --> 00:37:56,865 Out in the lobby. l had to wrestle him for it. 743 00:37:56,907 --> 00:37:59,705 Oh, thank you. Thank you. 744 00:37:59,744 --> 00:38:03,111 l'm sorry about-- maybe l went a little-- 745 00:38:03,147 --> 00:38:04,978 Well, l went too. l'm sorry too. 746 00:38:05,016 --> 00:38:08,179 Well-- hey, break a leg. 747 00:38:08,219 --> 00:38:10,119 You too, man. 748 00:38:13,357 --> 00:38:15,518 Hey, let me ask you something. 749 00:38:15,559 --> 00:38:19,017 - All water under the bridge, right? - Yeah yeah yeah. 750 00:38:19,063 --> 00:38:21,588 Just for my own edification... 751 00:38:23,234 --> 00:38:25,429 what did you say to that stewardess? 752 00:38:25,469 --> 00:38:28,233 Did you tell her about the seat not being upright? 753 00:38:29,640 --> 00:38:31,608 What? 754 00:38:31,642 --> 00:38:33,337 You're really something. 755 00:38:51,162 --> 00:38:53,357 Oh no! 756 00:38:53,397 --> 00:38:55,456 No no, l-- 757 00:38:57,568 --> 00:39:00,162 S-t-u-n-n-e-d! 758 00:39:00,204 --> 00:39:02,502 Stunned! You guys are terrific! 759 00:39:02,540 --> 00:39:04,007 - You look great! - Oh. 760 00:39:04,041 --> 00:39:06,805 You look like Bialystock, and you look like Bloom! 761 00:39:06,844 --> 00:39:08,539 - What's your first line? - Uh... 762 00:39:08,579 --> 00:39:10,877 ''The reviews come out a lot faster when the critics 763 00:39:10,915 --> 00:39:12,780 - leave at intermission.'' - Perfect! 764 00:39:12,817 --> 00:39:14,944 And your first when you come in and he scares you? 765 00:39:14,985 --> 00:39:16,850 Yeah, ''Scared, can't talk.'' 766 00:39:16,887 --> 00:39:19,219 - Perfect! This is gonna be fabulous! - Thank you for everything. 767 00:39:19,256 --> 00:39:20,723 Break legs, break everything. 768 00:39:20,758 --> 00:39:22,726 O-v-e-r-t-u-r-e! 769 00:39:22,760 --> 00:39:24,352 - Hear it? Overture. - Here we go. 770 00:39:24,395 --> 00:39:26,863 - Good luck. Don't break anything. - Enjoy! 771 00:39:42,480 --> 00:39:45,313 # Opening night # 772 00:39:45,349 --> 00:39:48,785 # lt's opening night # 773 00:39:51,255 --> 00:39:54,884 # lt's Max Bialystock's latest show # 774 00:39:54,925 --> 00:39:57,985 # Will it flop or will it go? # 775 00:39:58,028 --> 00:40:01,088 # The cast is taking its final bow # 776 00:40:01,132 --> 00:40:04,431 # Here comes the audience now # 777 00:40:04,468 --> 00:40:07,266 # The doors are open, they're on their way # 778 00:40:07,304 --> 00:40:10,364 # Let's hear what they have to say # 779 00:40:13,878 --> 00:40:17,006 # He's done it again, he's done it again # 780 00:40:17,047 --> 00:40:20,539 # Max Bialystock has done it again # 781 00:40:20,584 --> 00:40:23,610 # We can't believe it # 782 00:40:23,654 --> 00:40:26,282 # You can't conceive it # 783 00:40:26,323 --> 00:40:29,383 # How'd he achieve it? # 784 00:40:29,427 --> 00:40:33,261 # lt's the worst show in town # 785 00:40:33,297 --> 00:40:36,027 # We sat there sighing # 786 00:40:36,066 --> 00:40:39,229 # Groaning and crying # 787 00:40:39,270 --> 00:40:42,239 # There's no denying # 788 00:40:42,273 --> 00:40:45,731 # lt's the worst show in town # 789 00:40:45,776 --> 00:40:48,711 # Oh, we wanted to stand up and hiss # 790 00:40:48,746 --> 00:40:52,477 # We've seen shit, but never like this # 791 00:40:54,251 --> 00:40:56,742 # Max Bialystock has done it again # 792 00:40:56,787 --> 00:41:00,223 # The songs were rotten, the book was stinking # 793 00:41:00,257 --> 00:41:04,023 # What he did to Shakespeare, Booth did to Lincoln... # 794 00:41:04,061 --> 00:41:06,325 We have these specially made up 795 00:41:06,363 --> 00:41:09,298 for Max Bialystock. 796 00:41:10,568 --> 00:41:13,537 # We couldn't leave faster # 797 00:41:13,571 --> 00:41:16,904 # What a disaster # 798 00:41:16,941 --> 00:41:19,671 # We are still in shock # 799 00:41:19,710 --> 00:41:22,770 # Who produced this schlock? # 800 00:41:22,813 --> 00:41:25,111 # That slimy, sleazy # 801 00:41:25,149 --> 00:41:28,550 # Max Bialystock # 802 00:41:28,586 --> 00:41:30,554 # What a bum! # 803 00:41:41,398 --> 00:41:43,229 The reviews come out a lot faster 804 00:41:43,267 --> 00:41:45,792 when the critics leave at intermission. 805 00:41:46,804 --> 00:41:49,295 ''By the end of 'Funny Boy,' 806 00:41:49,340 --> 00:41:51,308 Max Bialystock's 807 00:41:51,342 --> 00:41:53,401 hopeless new musical of 'Hamlet,' 808 00:41:53,444 --> 00:41:56,004 everybody is dead. 809 00:41:56,046 --> 00:41:58,947 They were the lucky ones.'' 810 00:42:00,351 --> 00:42:02,615 And this is the best review we got! 811 00:42:05,389 --> 00:42:09,485 # l used to be the king # 812 00:42:09,527 --> 00:42:11,495 # The king # 813 00:42:11,529 --> 00:42:13,929 # The king of old Broadway # 814 00:42:13,964 --> 00:42:16,125 lt's good to be the king. 815 00:42:18,469 --> 00:42:21,961 # My praises they would sing # 816 00:42:22,006 --> 00:42:25,965 # A Ziegfeld, so they'd say # 817 00:42:28,078 --> 00:42:32,105 # My shows were always filled with class # 818 00:42:32,149 --> 00:42:34,913 # The best champagne would fill my glass # 819 00:42:34,952 --> 00:42:36,681 # My lap was filled with gorgeous ass # 820 00:42:36,720 --> 00:42:38,517 # You couldn't call me crass in any way # 821 00:42:38,556 --> 00:42:41,923 # We believe you, thousands wouldn't # 822 00:42:41,959 --> 00:42:44,189 # We believe you, every word # 823 00:42:44,228 --> 00:42:48,255 # We believe you, thousands couldn't # 824 00:42:48,299 --> 00:42:50,927 # We believe each word we've heard... # 825 00:42:52,169 --> 00:42:54,103 Such reviews. 826 00:42:54,138 --> 00:42:56,629 How dare they insult me in this manner? 827 00:42:56,674 --> 00:42:58,608 How quickly they forget. 828 00:42:58,642 --> 00:43:00,701 l am Max Bialystock! 829 00:43:00,744 --> 00:43:02,712 The first producer ever 830 00:43:02,746 --> 00:43:05,180 to do summer stock in the winter! 831 00:43:05,215 --> 00:43:07,445 # Once he was a king... # 832 00:43:07,484 --> 00:43:09,645 You've all heard of theater in the round? 833 00:43:09,687 --> 00:43:12,781 You're looking at the man who invented theater in the square. 834 00:43:12,823 --> 00:43:14,347 Nobody had a good seat! 835 00:43:14,391 --> 00:43:17,827 # King of old Broadway... # 836 00:43:17,861 --> 00:43:20,796 l spent my entire life in the theater. 837 00:43:20,831 --> 00:43:24,130 l was a protégé of the great Boris Thomaschefsky. 838 00:43:27,438 --> 00:43:29,906 Yes, he taught me everything l know. 839 00:43:29,940 --> 00:43:31,908 l'll never forget. 840 00:43:31,942 --> 00:43:34,069 He turned to me on his deathbed 841 00:43:34,111 --> 00:43:36,079 and said, ''Maxella...'' 842 00:43:43,587 --> 00:43:45,555 What does that mean? 843 00:43:45,589 --> 00:43:48,422 l don't know, l don't speak Yiddish. 844 00:43:48,459 --> 00:43:50,450 Strangely enough, neither did he. 845 00:43:51,695 --> 00:43:54,596 ln my heart l knew what he was saying. 846 00:43:54,632 --> 00:43:56,827 He was saying, ''When you're down and out 847 00:43:56,867 --> 00:43:59,631 and everybody thinks you're finished, 848 00:43:59,670 --> 00:44:02,867 that's the time to stand on your two feet and shout, 849 00:44:02,906 --> 00:44:05,397 'Who do you gotta fuck to get a break in this town?''' 850 00:44:22,359 --> 00:44:23,986 # Fame is in my sights again # 851 00:44:24,028 --> 00:44:25,723 # l take those fancy flights again # 852 00:44:25,763 --> 00:44:29,130 # l'm gonna scale the heights again # 853 00:44:29,166 --> 00:44:32,897 # Bialystock will never drop # 854 00:44:32,936 --> 00:44:36,633 # Bialystock will never stop # 855 00:44:36,674 --> 00:44:41,543 # Bialystock will be on top again # 856 00:44:41,578 --> 00:44:44,775 # Fame is in his sights again, he'll take those fancy flights again # 857 00:44:44,815 --> 00:44:46,646 # He's gonna scale the heights again # 858 00:44:46,684 --> 00:44:49,710 # He'll be on top again, hey! # 859 00:45:03,167 --> 00:45:05,158 Hello? 860 00:45:09,306 --> 00:45:12,434 Anybody here? 861 00:45:12,476 --> 00:45:14,444 Mr. Bialystock? 862 00:45:16,213 --> 00:45:18,613 Who are you? What do you want? 863 00:45:18,649 --> 00:45:20,116 What are you doing here? 864 00:45:20,150 --> 00:45:22,983 Speak to me, dummy, speak! 865 00:45:23,020 --> 00:45:24,612 Why don't you speak? 866 00:45:24,655 --> 00:45:27,021 Scared, can't talk. 867 00:45:28,292 --> 00:45:30,021 All right, calm down. 868 00:45:30,060 --> 00:45:32,051 Relax, get ahold of yourself. 869 00:45:33,530 --> 00:45:36,055 Take a deep breath. 870 00:45:36,100 --> 00:45:38,091 Ahh. 871 00:45:40,037 --> 00:45:41,504 Who are you? 872 00:45:41,538 --> 00:45:43,836 l'm Leopold Bloom. l'm an accountant. 873 00:45:43,874 --> 00:45:45,341 l'm from Whitehall & Marks. 874 00:45:45,375 --> 00:45:47,775 l've come here to do your books. 875 00:45:47,811 --> 00:45:50,211 Oh, you have, have you? 876 00:45:52,716 --> 00:45:54,684 Now, let's see. 877 00:45:54,718 --> 00:45:57,846 lf we add these deductions, we get... 878 00:45:58,856 --> 00:46:01,450 Oh, it's absolutely amazing, 879 00:46:01,492 --> 00:46:03,585 but under the right circumstances 880 00:46:03,627 --> 00:46:06,289 a producer could make more money with a flop 881 00:46:06,330 --> 00:46:08,560 than he could with a hit! 882 00:46:10,000 --> 00:46:11,968 Yes, it's quite possible. 883 00:46:12,002 --> 00:46:14,527 lf he were certain that the show would fail, 884 00:46:14,571 --> 00:46:16,539 a man could make a fortune! 885 00:46:16,573 --> 00:46:18,507 Yes? 886 00:46:18,542 --> 00:46:21,477 - Yes what? - What you were saying. 887 00:46:21,512 --> 00:46:23,537 - Keep talking. - What was l saying? 888 00:46:23,580 --> 00:46:27,141 You were saying that under the right circumstances-- 889 00:46:35,192 --> 00:46:37,183 you were saying... 890 00:46:39,897 --> 00:46:43,526 that under the right circumstances-- 891 00:46:47,070 --> 00:46:49,561 What was l saying? 892 00:46:49,606 --> 00:46:52,074 That under the right circumstances-- 893 00:46:53,076 --> 00:46:56,705 Under the right circumstances, 894 00:46:56,747 --> 00:46:58,908 what? 895 00:46:58,949 --> 00:47:01,782 That's the question. 896 00:47:01,819 --> 00:47:03,810 What? 897 00:47:11,061 --> 00:47:13,029 Boy, you got a nice 898 00:47:13,063 --> 00:47:15,691 healthy head of hair there, you know that? Look at that! 899 00:47:15,732 --> 00:47:17,723 lt's like a pelt! 900 00:47:21,138 --> 00:47:23,436 Uh... 901 00:47:23,473 --> 00:47:26,874 l didn't really get the good shave today, you know? 902 00:47:26,910 --> 00:47:29,401 l don't know why, l'm an excellent shaver. 903 00:47:29,446 --> 00:47:31,414 Feel this cheek, Bloom. Feel that cheek. 904 00:47:31,448 --> 00:47:34,781 lt's like a tush. ls that not a tush? 905 00:47:34,818 --> 00:47:37,787 l got a tushy cheek. 906 00:47:37,821 --> 00:47:39,880 - Um, it's-- - Boy oh boy. 907 00:47:39,923 --> 00:47:41,948 Please, Mr. Bialystock, 908 00:47:41,992 --> 00:47:44,222 um, l've discovered 909 00:47:44,261 --> 00:47:46,491 that a man... 910 00:47:46,530 --> 00:47:49,294 could make more money with a flop 911 00:47:49,333 --> 00:47:51,198 than he could with a hit. 912 00:47:51,235 --> 00:47:53,829 Does that bring any scheme to mind? 913 00:47:57,341 --> 00:47:59,138 Yeah. 914 00:47:59,176 --> 00:48:01,644 - Ever play this game? - l'm sorry. 915 00:48:01,678 --> 00:48:04,044 - You don't come to theater with a hat. - Never did that one? 916 00:48:04,081 --> 00:48:06,549 - No. - You don't wear a hat to the theater. 917 00:48:06,583 --> 00:48:08,551 - lt's not a hat, sir. - Take your hat off! 918 00:48:08,585 --> 00:48:10,849 - l won't take my turban off! - l can't see! 919 00:48:10,888 --> 00:48:12,879 lt's not my fault, he gave me the tickets. 920 00:48:12,923 --> 00:48:15,391 - Calm down and try to watch. - No! No! 921 00:48:15,425 --> 00:48:18,553 - Fine, watch! - You're disturbing everybody. 922 00:48:18,595 --> 00:48:21,758 Ladies and gentlemen, this is my cousin Andy. 923 00:48:21,798 --> 00:48:23,823 lt may come as no surprise to you to learn 924 00:48:23,867 --> 00:48:26,097 that he is the product of incest. 925 00:48:28,205 --> 00:48:30,173 Of course, among friends and relatives, 926 00:48:30,207 --> 00:48:32,505 Andy is known by his affectionate nickname-- 927 00:48:32,542 --> 00:48:35,602 The Primary Reason for Anti-Semitism. 928 00:48:37,581 --> 00:48:39,481 Unfortunately, l know from experience 929 00:48:39,516 --> 00:48:41,916 the only way we're going to get him to calm down 930 00:48:41,952 --> 00:48:44,443 is to put a Swanson frozen dinner on his lap. 931 00:48:44,488 --> 00:48:45,955 Wait, let's go back. 932 00:48:45,989 --> 00:48:47,456 - Yeah, let's go. - This is funny. 933 00:48:47,491 --> 00:48:51,120 l know he's quite partial to the Salisbury steak. 934 00:48:51,161 --> 00:48:53,129 You know, there might be an upside 935 00:48:53,163 --> 00:48:55,131 to this whole experience, 936 00:48:55,165 --> 00:48:58,225 because if any of you are looking for an apartment in New York-- 937 00:48:58,268 --> 00:49:00,236 and l know they're very hard to find-- 938 00:49:00,270 --> 00:49:02,795 Andy is subletting his mouth. 939 00:49:02,839 --> 00:49:05,774 There's a lot of room in there. 940 00:49:05,809 --> 00:49:08,175 A lot of room. 941 00:49:08,211 --> 00:49:11,009 l know there was a Taliban living in there, 942 00:49:11,048 --> 00:49:14,745 but he left and he's now renting some space 943 00:49:14,785 --> 00:49:17,413 under the Sikh's turban. 944 00:49:19,923 --> 00:49:21,754 But the turban, 945 00:49:21,792 --> 00:49:23,885 it has all kinds of practical applications. 946 00:49:23,927 --> 00:49:26,862 lt's a tourniquet, 947 00:49:26,897 --> 00:49:29,661 it makes a lovely sash. 948 00:49:29,700 --> 00:49:31,668 Say you want to have an impromptu game 949 00:49:31,702 --> 00:49:33,169 of Pin the Tail on the Donkey, 950 00:49:33,203 --> 00:49:35,194 you've got a blindfold. 951 00:49:38,075 --> 00:49:39,872 All right, what was l saying? 952 00:49:39,910 --> 00:49:41,901 What was l saying? 953 00:49:45,415 --> 00:49:47,406 What was l saying? 954 00:49:50,087 --> 00:49:52,317 You were saying... 955 00:49:53,357 --> 00:49:56,292 that under the right circumstances, 956 00:49:56,326 --> 00:49:59,693 a producer could make more with a flop 957 00:49:59,730 --> 00:50:02,858 - than he could with a hit. - lt's quite possible. 958 00:50:02,899 --> 00:50:05,959 Yes, you keep saying that, but you don't say how. 959 00:50:07,571 --> 00:50:09,971 Well, it's simply a matter of creative accounting. 960 00:50:10,007 --> 00:50:12,635 Let's assume for a moment that you are a dishonest man. 961 00:50:12,676 --> 00:50:15,702 Assume away. 962 00:50:17,314 --> 00:50:20,681 Did you see the look on their faces 963 00:50:20,717 --> 00:50:24,619 when Larry David forgot every line he had? 964 00:50:24,654 --> 00:50:26,622 He went up, up in smoke! 965 00:50:26,656 --> 00:50:29,284 Oh, God, l'm so glad. l'm so thankful! 966 00:50:29,326 --> 00:50:31,817 Thank God that this damn play is going to be over. 967 00:50:31,862 --> 00:50:34,057 - We're going to get our lives back. - He has freed us 968 00:50:34,097 --> 00:50:36,588 from the anchor, from the albatross of ''The Producers.'' 969 00:50:36,633 --> 00:50:38,601 - Right, right. - Which has invaded our lives 970 00:50:38,635 --> 00:50:40,865 every single minute, every hour of every day! 971 00:50:40,904 --> 00:50:43,464 - Trapping us! - No more openings in Cleveland! 972 00:50:43,507 --> 00:50:45,805 No more sleeping in dirty beds in Pittsburgh! 973 00:50:45,842 --> 00:50:47,810 We're free, free at last! 974 00:50:47,844 --> 00:50:49,778 - l know. - lsn't it wonderful? 975 00:50:49,813 --> 00:50:52,680 How did you know that he could ruin the show? How? 976 00:50:52,716 --> 00:50:54,684 The minute l laid eyes on him, 977 00:50:54,718 --> 00:50:56,686 l said, ''This guy is a disaster. 978 00:50:56,720 --> 00:50:58,688 He's a living-- he's a storm. 979 00:50:58,722 --> 00:51:01,520 He's like a storm that will destroy everything in its path.'' 980 00:51:01,558 --> 00:51:03,753 l mean, he's got this gift. 981 00:51:03,794 --> 00:51:05,955 Everything he touches, he dooms. 982 00:51:05,996 --> 00:51:08,191 He's a little cyclone, a little tornado 983 00:51:08,231 --> 00:51:10,324 - destroying the St. James Theater. - l know! 984 00:51:10,367 --> 00:51:12,733 Any minute now the show will be dead. 985 00:51:12,769 --> 00:51:14,737 Here, a toast! 986 00:51:14,771 --> 00:51:17,467 To the death of ''The Producers.'' 987 00:51:17,507 --> 00:51:20,135 May it rest in peace. 988 00:51:22,846 --> 00:51:26,145 lnnkeeper, innkeeper! Another round of drinks here! 989 00:51:26,183 --> 00:51:28,151 As a matter of fact, 990 00:51:28,185 --> 00:51:31,814 another round of drinks for everybody in the place. 991 00:51:31,855 --> 00:51:34,915 Here's to failure! 992 00:51:34,958 --> 00:51:38,519 Oh, thank you. That's very kind of you. 993 00:51:42,299 --> 00:51:43,960 Partners, Leo. 994 00:51:44,000 --> 00:51:45,467 All the way. 995 00:51:45,502 --> 00:51:48,437 And nothing or no one will ever come between us. 996 00:51:48,472 --> 00:51:49,939 Nothing or no one, Max! 997 00:51:50,874 --> 00:51:52,136 Come in. 998 00:51:54,811 --> 00:51:57,075 Bialystock and Bloom? 999 00:51:58,548 --> 00:52:00,539 What? 1000 00:52:00,584 --> 00:52:02,711 Excuse me. 1001 00:52:02,752 --> 00:52:05,778 Swedish. 1002 00:52:07,124 --> 00:52:09,888 Costing today? 1003 00:52:09,926 --> 00:52:11,723 Costing? 1004 00:52:11,761 --> 00:52:13,956 Cost-- 1005 00:52:13,997 --> 00:52:16,397 Oh, casting! 1006 00:52:17,634 --> 00:52:19,568 No, l'm sorry, miss. 1007 00:52:19,603 --> 00:52:22,538 - There's no casting today-- - Uh, actually, 1008 00:52:22,572 --> 00:52:25,370 there very well could be casting today. Come in, come in. 1009 00:52:28,979 --> 00:52:31,413 Aw, fuck! 1010 00:52:31,448 --> 00:52:34,713 - # Honeymoon # - # Honeymoon, honeymoon # 1011 00:52:34,751 --> 00:52:38,881 - # Keep a-shining in June # - # Keep a-shining in June # 1012 00:52:38,922 --> 00:52:41,948 # Your silvery beams will bring love dreams # 1013 00:52:41,992 --> 00:52:44,426 # We'll be cuddling soon # 1014 00:52:44,461 --> 00:52:46,019 - # Ra, ta-ta, ta-ta # - Take me out! 1015 00:52:46,062 --> 00:52:49,623 # By the silvery moon. # 1016 00:52:58,208 --> 00:53:00,699 lt's intermission. Quick, hide your faces. 1017 00:53:00,744 --> 00:53:02,735 They'll tear us to pieces. 1018 00:53:07,450 --> 00:53:09,418 - l'll have a Manhattan. - Two whiskey sours. 1019 00:53:09,452 --> 00:53:13,115 So far this is about the funniest thing l've seen on Broadway. 1020 00:53:13,156 --> 00:53:15,920 - l've never laughed so hard in my life. - Absolutely hysterical. 1021 00:53:15,959 --> 00:53:18,792 l thought l'd split my sides. 1022 00:53:20,297 --> 00:53:23,198 Honey, don't panic. There are a lot of shows on this street. 1023 00:53:23,233 --> 00:53:26,862 They may not necessarily be talking about Larry David and ''The Producers.'' 1024 00:53:26,903 --> 00:53:29,463 Who would have guessed Larry David would be so hysterical? 1025 00:53:29,506 --> 00:53:31,133 Let's get back. 1026 00:53:31,174 --> 00:53:33,369 lf he's as brilliant in the second act as in the first, 1027 00:53:33,410 --> 00:53:36,311 this show's gonna run for another five years! 1028 00:53:38,982 --> 00:53:41,951 l've got to think. l've got to think. 1029 00:53:41,985 --> 00:53:44,385 No way out. 1030 00:53:44,421 --> 00:53:46,389 No way out. 1031 00:53:46,423 --> 00:53:49,449 - No way out. - Honey. 1032 00:53:49,492 --> 00:53:51,153 - No way out. - Listen. 1033 00:53:51,194 --> 00:53:53,958 - No way out. - Honey, listen, 1034 00:53:53,997 --> 00:53:55,965 this is a small portion of the audience. 1035 00:53:55,999 --> 00:53:59,059 Let's go back and see what the majority has to say. 1036 00:53:59,102 --> 00:54:00,967 - The majority? - Yes. 1037 00:54:01,004 --> 00:54:02,665 - Sure, let's go. - The majority, come on. 1038 00:54:02,706 --> 00:54:04,674 Let's hear from the majority. 1039 00:54:04,708 --> 00:54:06,938 Let's hear from the majority. 1040 00:54:06,977 --> 00:54:09,172 Yes, we'll hear from the majority. 1041 00:54:15,352 --> 00:54:18,480 - This is the majority? - This is the majority. 1042 00:54:37,173 --> 00:54:39,141 # Leo and Max # 1043 00:54:39,175 --> 00:54:41,268 # Up off our backs # 1044 00:54:41,311 --> 00:54:45,042 # Back on the Great White Way # 1045 00:54:45,081 --> 00:54:46,981 # Leo and Max # 1046 00:54:47,017 --> 00:54:48,848 # Back on the tracks # 1047 00:54:48,885 --> 00:54:52,218 # We're back on top to stay # 1048 00:54:52,255 --> 00:54:56,214 # So when we take your money, never fear # 1049 00:54:56,259 --> 00:54:59,888 # We'll knock Broadway right on its ear # 1050 00:54:59,929 --> 00:55:01,692 # The cast is great, the script is swell # 1051 00:55:01,731 --> 00:55:03,631 # But this we're telling you, sirs # 1052 00:55:03,667 --> 00:55:05,794 # lt's just no go, you've got no show # 1053 00:55:05,835 --> 00:55:08,531 # Without the producers # 1054 00:55:11,708 --> 00:55:15,144 # We'll never quit # 1055 00:55:15,178 --> 00:55:17,373 # Hit after hit # 1056 00:55:26,856 --> 00:55:28,881 # You and me-o # 1057 00:55:28,925 --> 00:55:30,586 # We guarantee-o # 1058 00:55:30,627 --> 00:55:35,030 # You're looking at Leo and Max # 1059 00:55:38,201 --> 00:55:40,294 # The producers # 1060 00:55:40,337 --> 00:55:45,673 # Leo and Max # 1061 00:55:45,709 --> 00:55:48,200 # Ahh... # 9999 00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00 www.tvsubtitles.net