1 00:00:14,114 --> 00:00:17,083 What does it take to be a "Girls Gone Wild" girl? 2 00:00:17,117 --> 00:00:19,517 You have to show your...! 3 00:00:29,996 --> 00:00:32,089 Those girls from Cancun are wild. 4 00:00:32,132 --> 00:00:33,963 Yes, they are, but if you want 5 00:00:34,000 --> 00:00:36,594 to see how wild they really get, you've gotta get the video. 6 00:00:38,638 --> 00:00:41,198 - Hello? - Hey. 7 00:00:41,241 --> 00:00:43,709 - Hey. - Channel 57. 8 00:00:43,743 --> 00:00:47,042 - Yeah, I'm watching. - Oh ho ho ho! 9 00:00:47,080 --> 00:00:50,743 - What's going on in the world? - They're college girls. They're wild. 10 00:00:50,784 --> 00:00:53,252 - They've gone wild. - We've gotta have it. 11 00:00:53,286 --> 00:00:56,847 - Okay. - I can't have it sent to my house. 12 00:00:56,890 --> 00:01:00,257 - Susie'll kill me. - I don't want it sent here. 13 00:01:00,293 --> 00:01:02,887 - How about your office? - Okay, good, my office. 14 00:01:02,929 --> 00:01:04,521 Okay, I'll order it on the phone. 15 00:01:04,564 --> 00:01:06,361 - Okay. - Okay, bye. 16 00:01:06,399 --> 00:01:08,629 "...Ultimate Spring Break" absolutely free. 17 00:01:08,668 --> 00:01:11,262 - You won't believe the insanity... - Larry? 18 00:01:12,939 --> 00:01:16,431 Oh, have you seen my Palm Pilot? 19 00:01:16,476 --> 00:01:18,944 Palm Pilot? It's not here, no. 20 00:01:18,978 --> 00:01:20,104 What are you watching? 21 00:01:20,146 --> 00:01:21,670 Just flipping around. 22 00:01:21,714 --> 00:01:24,512 Um, what are we doing about the poison oak in the backyard? 23 00:01:24,551 --> 00:01:27,247 I thought you were supposed to be taking care of that. 24 00:01:27,287 --> 00:01:30,347 Jeff's got this Indian guy. They're immune to it. 25 00:01:30,390 --> 00:01:32,221 - Wandering Bear, yeah. - Okay. 26 00:01:32,258 --> 00:01:34,556 Um, I'm gonna see Jeff tomorrow. 27 00:01:34,594 --> 00:01:36,687 - I'll mention it to him. - Okay. 28 00:01:36,729 --> 00:01:38,720 I'll take care of it, okay. 29 00:01:38,765 --> 00:01:43,498 And, um, while we're here, have you noticed that we have 30 00:01:43,536 --> 00:01:46,699 not had sex in a very long time? 31 00:01:46,739 --> 00:01:48,730 I'm watching this thing about hippos. 32 00:01:48,775 --> 00:01:51,073 This is the longest we've gone since we've been married. 33 00:01:51,111 --> 00:01:53,045 - I had the dog bite. - I know. That was awhile ago. 34 00:01:53,079 --> 00:01:55,104 It's better, isn't it? 35 00:01:55,148 --> 00:01:57,844 You went off the pill. What are we supposed to do? 36 00:01:57,884 --> 00:02:00,318 So we use condoms or something. 37 00:02:00,353 --> 00:02:02,150 I can't use condoms. First of all, 38 00:02:02,188 --> 00:02:04,588 I'm embarrassed to buy 'em, and I'm not good at it. 39 00:02:04,624 --> 00:02:06,353 Why don't we do this? 40 00:02:06,392 --> 00:02:09,293 I'll call and make an appointment for you to have a vasectomy 41 00:02:09,329 --> 00:02:11,923 and then we don't have to worry about this any longer. 42 00:02:11,965 --> 00:02:14,365 - Okay, fine. - No no, but I want you to think about... 43 00:02:14,400 --> 00:02:16,664 I'll get the condoms. I'll get the condoms. 44 00:02:16,703 --> 00:02:18,898 - Okay. - Okay. 45 00:02:18,938 --> 00:02:20,633 So have you seen my Palm Pilot? 46 00:02:20,673 --> 00:02:23,540 It's not here. It's downstairs. I think it's downstairs. 47 00:02:23,576 --> 00:02:26,807 ...see and hear underwater and they're well insulated. 48 00:02:26,846 --> 00:02:29,679 Don't miss the videos everyone's talking about. 49 00:02:29,716 --> 00:02:31,946 "Girls Gone Wild Ultimate Spring Break" 50 00:02:31,985 --> 00:02:33,782 on video or DVD for just $9.99. 51 00:02:33,820 --> 00:02:36,880 Yes, I was, uh, I was thinking about ordering 52 00:02:36,923 --> 00:02:39,448 the tape, the videotape... 53 00:02:39,492 --> 00:02:44,395 about the college girls and the wild, the wildness. 54 00:02:44,430 --> 00:02:47,331 They're going wild or something. 55 00:02:47,367 --> 00:02:49,494 Somebody told me about going wild. 56 00:02:57,777 --> 00:03:00,337 Hey. 57 00:03:00,380 --> 00:03:02,348 What's the matter? 58 00:03:04,050 --> 00:03:06,746 Marvin and I broke up. 59 00:03:06,786 --> 00:03:10,153 I mean, I can't believe it. Larry, I can't believe it. 60 00:03:10,190 --> 00:03:11,680 How come? 61 00:03:11,724 --> 00:03:15,125 I-I just... I can't say. It's too personal. 62 00:03:15,161 --> 00:03:16,890 Too personal? 63 00:03:16,930 --> 00:03:19,364 I just don't understand, Larry, why it happened. 64 00:03:19,399 --> 00:03:20,991 Everything was going so well. 65 00:03:21,034 --> 00:03:23,002 I thought we were gonna maybe get married. 66 00:03:23,036 --> 00:03:25,732 I just... I didn't see this coming at all. 67 00:03:25,772 --> 00:03:29,139 I mean how can things be going so well one day and you're planning a trip, 68 00:03:29,175 --> 00:03:31,939 and then the next day it's over? 69 00:03:31,978 --> 00:03:34,173 What are those, Mentos? 70 00:03:36,049 --> 00:03:39,678 Mmm. Boy, that's really good. 71 00:03:39,719 --> 00:03:41,846 That is a hell of a candy, you know that? 72 00:03:41,888 --> 00:03:44,186 How do they get the essence of orange like that? 73 00:03:44,224 --> 00:03:47,625 It's amazing, just with chemicals. 74 00:03:47,660 --> 00:03:52,290 Well, I got a couple of things for you to do. 75 00:03:52,332 --> 00:03:53,890 I need you to get some cash for me. 76 00:03:53,933 --> 00:03:57,130 And I got a corn. I need some Freeze On. 77 00:03:57,170 --> 00:03:59,365 - I hope that'll get rid of it. - Mm-hmm. 78 00:03:59,405 --> 00:04:02,533 - One ounce or two? - Get some Mentos for me. 79 00:04:02,575 --> 00:04:06,944 Fill up my car with mints and gum and good fresh-breath stuff. 80 00:04:06,980 --> 00:04:09,175 A lot of fresh, freshness. 81 00:04:09,215 --> 00:04:11,183 So I'll just reach into the well 82 00:04:11,217 --> 00:04:13,583 and I'll just have an unlimited good breath supply. 83 00:04:13,620 --> 00:04:18,080 And, uh, cancel lunch with, uh, Jason Small for me. 84 00:04:18,124 --> 00:04:20,684 Okay, cancel lunch, and why? 85 00:04:20,727 --> 00:04:24,493 I don't know. Tell him it's my mother's unveiling or something. 86 00:04:25,898 --> 00:04:30,392 Okay, so lie and then get some treats for the car? 87 00:04:30,436 --> 00:04:32,370 Yeah. 88 00:04:32,405 --> 00:04:34,965 Anything else? 89 00:04:35,008 --> 00:04:36,999 Well, your mail is here. 90 00:04:39,279 --> 00:04:41,270 "Girls Gone Wild," Larry? 91 00:04:41,314 --> 00:04:43,111 Hey, what are you doing opening my mail? 92 00:04:43,149 --> 00:04:45,242 I thought it was my mail. I ordered a Pilates video. 93 00:04:45,285 --> 00:04:47,014 Look, it says "Larry David" on it. 94 00:04:47,053 --> 00:04:49,988 Well, I was a little distracted. 95 00:04:50,023 --> 00:04:51,991 Anyway it's not for me, it's for Jeff. 96 00:04:52,025 --> 00:04:53,515 - For Jeff? - Yeah. 97 00:04:53,559 --> 00:04:56,027 Come on. "Girls Gone Wild"? 98 00:04:56,062 --> 00:04:58,326 It's supposed to be "College Girls Gone Wild." 99 00:04:58,364 --> 00:05:00,889 "College Girls Gone Wild"? Better... they're younger. 100 00:05:00,933 --> 00:05:02,764 Yeah, "College Girls Gone Wild." 101 00:05:02,802 --> 00:05:04,827 Do you know what that does to women? 102 00:05:04,871 --> 00:05:07,101 Terrible, I agree with you. It's terrible. 103 00:05:07,140 --> 00:05:09,005 Do Jeff a favor and throw that away. 104 00:05:09,042 --> 00:05:10,873 - I intend to talk to him. - Good, Larry. 105 00:05:10,910 --> 00:05:13,674 Why the hell does he need this stuff? 106 00:05:14,847 --> 00:05:16,371 - Hey. - Hey. 107 00:05:16,416 --> 00:05:18,179 I, uh... 108 00:05:18,217 --> 00:05:20,447 got you what you need. 109 00:05:20,486 --> 00:05:22,647 Everlast condoms, my friend. 110 00:05:22,689 --> 00:05:24,418 - Hey. - The best in the business. 111 00:05:24,457 --> 00:05:26,425 Really? Oh, thank you. 112 00:05:26,459 --> 00:05:28,825 With those babies you're never gonna stop. 113 00:05:28,861 --> 00:05:32,024 - Never gonna stop? - Never gonna stop. 114 00:05:32,065 --> 00:05:34,863 - I want one called "Get It Over With." - Not Everlast? 115 00:05:34,901 --> 00:05:37,028 How long you think I'd want to do that for? 116 00:05:37,070 --> 00:05:38,867 All night long, I would've guessed. 117 00:05:38,905 --> 00:05:40,736 It gets boring, come on. 118 00:05:40,773 --> 00:05:43,503 - Fucking's boring? - It doesn't get boring after awhile? 119 00:05:43,543 --> 00:05:45,170 It's a bore. 120 00:05:45,211 --> 00:05:47,042 No, it doesn't get boring. 121 00:05:47,080 --> 00:05:49,742 What is it? It's enough, in and out. 122 00:05:49,782 --> 00:05:52,649 These things, by the way, really give me problems anyway. 123 00:05:52,685 --> 00:05:55,051 - I don't know what... can't get them on! - Just roll them... 124 00:05:55,088 --> 00:05:56,578 Come on, they fit me. 125 00:05:56,622 --> 00:05:58,112 You gotta get them on so fast. 126 00:05:58,157 --> 00:06:01,752 - Who's timing you? - Hmm. 127 00:06:01,794 --> 00:06:03,819 They'll make you a different kind of man. 128 00:06:03,863 --> 00:06:06,388 So they really make you, like, last? Everlast? 129 00:06:06,432 --> 00:06:08,297 All night long. 130 00:06:08,334 --> 00:06:10,199 Thank you for getting them for me. 131 00:06:10,236 --> 00:06:13,137 - I'm embarrassed to go to the store. - My pleasure. 132 00:06:13,172 --> 00:06:15,800 Remember that Indian you were telling me about? 133 00:06:15,842 --> 00:06:18,174 - Yeah, Wandering Bear. - I need his number. 134 00:06:18,211 --> 00:06:21,271 I'll be glad to give it to you. But don't say you got it from me. 135 00:06:21,314 --> 00:06:23,874 He's pissed off at me 'cause Susie doesn't want me 136 00:06:23,916 --> 00:06:26,783 to pay him because he went $200 over the estimate. 137 00:06:26,819 --> 00:06:29,310 - But it's an estimate. - It's an estimate! 138 00:06:29,355 --> 00:06:32,381 Hey, what's going on with your gal down the hall there? 139 00:06:32,425 --> 00:06:34,859 She's crying and... 140 00:06:34,894 --> 00:06:37,328 I'm having a lot of problems with her. 141 00:06:37,363 --> 00:06:39,058 You know, first of all... 142 00:06:39,098 --> 00:06:43,262 - her boyfriend broke up with her. - Yeah? 143 00:06:43,302 --> 00:06:45,793 And frankly, I'd like to do the same. 144 00:06:45,838 --> 00:06:47,999 - Why don't you fire her? - I can't. 145 00:06:48,040 --> 00:06:50,804 - Why? - Because she knows everything about me. 146 00:06:50,843 --> 00:06:52,401 She knows my dietary habits. 147 00:06:52,445 --> 00:06:55,676 She knows about all my web of lies and bullshit and deceit. 148 00:06:55,715 --> 00:06:59,378 - She knows more than Cheryl does. - You can't fire her. 149 00:06:59,419 --> 00:07:01,512 - She'll destroy me. - You're trapped. 150 00:07:01,554 --> 00:07:05,046 I'm trapped for life. She doesn't want to do anything else... this is it. 151 00:07:05,091 --> 00:07:07,252 Oh, dear God, you're trapped! 152 00:07:07,293 --> 00:07:09,955 You know what else she knows? 153 00:07:09,996 --> 00:07:11,964 She knows about this. 154 00:07:11,998 --> 00:07:15,991 Oh man, it came! Wow, "College Girls Gone Wild." 155 00:07:16,035 --> 00:07:18,265 Look at that. We can go to my house and watch it. 156 00:07:18,304 --> 00:07:20,465 Oh, yeah, we'll have an "Auto Focus" party. 157 00:07:20,506 --> 00:07:22,030 "Auto Focus" party? 158 00:07:23,342 --> 00:07:26,140 I got the big screen, we can watch it. 159 00:07:26,179 --> 00:07:27,976 Which character are you gonna be? 160 00:07:28,014 --> 00:07:30,175 - I'm Bob Crane. - You're Bob Crane? 161 00:07:30,216 --> 00:07:31,808 You can be the freakish guy. 162 00:07:31,851 --> 00:07:34,376 - I'll be Willem Dafoe. - He's a freak. 163 00:07:39,358 --> 00:07:42,486 It's the hottest "Girls Gone Wild" video ever! 164 00:07:42,528 --> 00:07:44,860 I'm having so much trouble with these glasses. 165 00:07:44,897 --> 00:07:47,365 - I got these blended bifocals. - Yeah. 166 00:07:47,400 --> 00:07:49,300 And I can't get... I can't get used to them. 167 00:07:49,500 --> 00:07:51,500 Yeah, aw, here we go. 168 00:07:52,500 --> 00:07:54,700 Right at the top, they're just doing it right away. 169 00:07:56,000 --> 00:08:00,200 If a guy did that, he'd get arrested. You know that? 170 00:08:00,500 --> 00:08:03,000 They'd throw him in jail, and that would be the end 171 00:08:03,100 --> 00:08:05,000 of him. He'd be a pariah for the rest of his life. 172 00:08:05,100 --> 00:08:06,000 TV: "Let's see those real boobies, all right?" 173 00:08:06,100 --> 00:08:08,000 TV (girl): "Oh my god!" 174 00:08:09,000 --> 00:08:11,900 Do you know what a woman would do if I ever asked her to 175 00:08:12,000 --> 00:08:15,000 Why do you have to analyze this? Can't we just watch it? 176 00:08:15,050 --> 00:08:16,000 She would spit on me! 177 00:08:16,050 --> 00:08:18,000 If I ever asked a girl to lift up her top, she would 178 00:08:18,050 --> 00:08:19,500 kick me in the balls and spit on me. 179 00:08:19,550 --> 00:08:21,000 We waited a long time to see this. 180 00:08:21,050 --> 00:08:23,000 Now all you're doing is just yacking. Be quiet, come on. 181 00:08:24,900 --> 00:08:26,000 You know what? I gotta, actually -- 182 00:08:26,050 --> 00:08:28,300 I can't even see in these glasses. 183 00:08:28,500 --> 00:08:29,200 Well, sit closer. 184 00:08:29,500 --> 00:08:31,000 These bifocals aren't any good, I don't think. 185 00:08:31,500 --> 00:08:34,264 I wanna go to the car and get my other glasses, okay? 186 00:08:34,303 --> 00:08:36,965 - Go ahead. - Pause it. I'll be back in two seconds. 187 00:08:37,005 --> 00:08:39,303 - No, I'm not gonna pause it. - What do you mean? 188 00:08:39,341 --> 00:08:41,536 I'm not a pauser. I don't like pausing. 189 00:08:41,577 --> 00:08:42,400 Well, that's rude. I'll miss it! 190 00:08:42,600 --> 00:08:44,000 I'll rewind it when you come back. 191 00:08:44,100 --> 00:08:46,200 But I can see when you rewind -- it'll give it away. 192 00:08:46,250 --> 00:08:47,900 There's no story! Give what away? 193 00:08:48,000 --> 00:08:49,500 There's bosoms, that's it! 194 00:08:50,000 --> 00:08:51,200 Well, why give the bosom away? 195 00:08:51,300 --> 00:08:52,790 Fine! 196 00:08:55,004 --> 00:08:57,029 Hurry up! 197 00:09:09,719 --> 00:09:13,587 - Ready? - Yeah, that's more like it. 198 00:09:13,800 --> 00:09:15,200 Hey, what is that? That's not where we left off. 199 00:09:15,300 --> 00:09:16,900 That's exactly where we left off. 200 00:09:17,050 --> 00:09:18,000 I guarantee you that's not where we left off and you -- 201 00:09:18,025 --> 00:09:19,500 know it! 202 00:09:22,000 --> 00:09:24,560 - Have you seen Oscar? - No. 203 00:09:24,602 --> 00:09:27,070 Oscar?! 204 00:09:27,105 --> 00:09:30,097 Did you leave the door open? 205 00:09:32,076 --> 00:09:34,909 - Yeah, when l... - God damn it. 206 00:09:35,914 --> 00:09:37,711 What, I... 207 00:09:38,917 --> 00:09:40,179 Oscar! 208 00:09:40,218 --> 00:09:41,344 Oscar! 209 00:09:41,386 --> 00:09:43,650 Oscar! 210 00:09:43,688 --> 00:09:46,953 - Oscar! - Oscar! 211 00:09:46,991 --> 00:09:50,722 - Oskie! - Oscar! 212 00:09:55,867 --> 00:09:57,835 - See that? - What? 213 00:09:57,869 --> 00:10:00,599 I waved to a guy in a Prius and he didn't wave back. 214 00:10:00,638 --> 00:10:02,697 I don't wave to people with the same car as me. 215 00:10:02,740 --> 00:10:05,038 We're Prius drivers... we're a special breed. 216 00:10:05,076 --> 00:10:06,941 A special breed. 217 00:10:06,978 --> 00:10:09,606 You know what? I wanna see what's up with that guy. 218 00:10:09,647 --> 00:10:12,172 See what's up with that guy? What are you doing? 219 00:10:13,718 --> 00:10:16,312 What are you gonna do after you catch him? 220 00:10:16,354 --> 00:10:18,754 Nothin'. 221 00:10:18,790 --> 00:10:20,018 Oh my God! 222 00:10:21,159 --> 00:10:23,787 Oscar. 223 00:10:26,331 --> 00:10:28,094 Oscar! 224 00:10:28,132 --> 00:10:30,794 Oh my God, are you okay? 225 00:10:30,835 --> 00:10:33,633 - Oskie, are you okay, boy? - He seems okay. 226 00:10:33,671 --> 00:10:35,866 He's not bleeding or anything. 227 00:10:35,907 --> 00:10:38,876 Let me see if he can stand. Come on, stand up, Oskie. 228 00:10:38,910 --> 00:10:41,037 - Oh, yeah. - He seems fine. 229 00:10:41,079 --> 00:10:43,274 Aw. 230 00:10:43,314 --> 00:10:46,010 What do you want to do? Should we take him to the vet? 231 00:10:46,050 --> 00:10:47,813 He seems okay. 232 00:10:47,852 --> 00:10:50,252 He actually does seem okay. 233 00:10:50,288 --> 00:10:52,586 All right, we'll go back to the house. 234 00:10:52,624 --> 00:10:54,785 We'll put the video in, 235 00:10:54,826 --> 00:10:57,852 watch it and the whole time we'll monitor Oscar. 236 00:10:57,895 --> 00:11:00,591 Yeah, we'll watch the video, 237 00:11:00,632 --> 00:11:03,362 and we'll keep an eye on him at the same time. 238 00:11:03,401 --> 00:11:05,869 I'm not saying don't take him to the vet if he needs to. 239 00:11:05,903 --> 00:11:07,871 We'll watch the video and monitor him. 240 00:11:07,905 --> 00:11:10,271 Video and monitor, that's it. 241 00:11:10,308 --> 00:11:14,608 - Let's get him in the car. - Do not tell anyone about this. 242 00:11:14,646 --> 00:11:17,137 Well, he knows about it. Good thing he can't talk. 243 00:11:17,181 --> 00:11:19,149 Come on, pal, hop in. 244 00:11:19,183 --> 00:11:21,151 - He seems okay. - He seems fine. 245 00:11:21,185 --> 00:11:23,881 - Huh, is it my imagination? - No, he seems fine. 246 00:11:23,921 --> 00:11:26,082 - I think he seems okay. - Yeah. 247 00:11:26,124 --> 00:11:28,786 I got news for you. I don't even think I hit him. 248 00:11:28,826 --> 00:11:30,350 I don't think you hit him, either. 249 00:11:30,395 --> 00:11:32,386 - I did not hit that dog. - You did not hit that dog. 250 00:11:32,430 --> 00:11:33,954 Hey, let's make a pact right now. 251 00:11:33,998 --> 00:11:35,966 If we notice anything wrong while watching, 252 00:11:36,000 --> 00:11:38,059 we're gonna stop the tape and take him to the vet. 253 00:11:38,102 --> 00:11:41,071 - Immediately. Let's go. - Immediately. 254 00:11:48,146 --> 00:11:51,343 See, it pays to lay off that sex for a while. 255 00:11:52,917 --> 00:11:56,648 It kind of reminds me of when Mantle was injured in '63. 256 00:11:56,688 --> 00:11:58,952 He was out for about two months. 257 00:11:58,990 --> 00:12:00,890 Comes back, first at bat, 258 00:12:00,925 --> 00:12:03,826 out of the park, home run. 259 00:12:03,861 --> 00:12:06,728 Huh? It's kind of similar. 260 00:12:08,399 --> 00:12:10,663 What? 261 00:12:10,702 --> 00:12:13,535 There's something really 262 00:12:13,571 --> 00:12:17,337 strange happening. 263 00:12:17,375 --> 00:12:19,843 I am completely numb. 264 00:12:19,877 --> 00:12:21,276 Yeah. 265 00:12:21,312 --> 00:12:23,041 - Down there? - Yeah. 266 00:12:23,081 --> 00:12:25,276 I can't feel anything. 267 00:12:25,316 --> 00:12:26,476 - Really? - Yeah. 268 00:12:26,517 --> 00:12:29,577 Hmm. 269 00:12:29,620 --> 00:12:32,418 I don't know why. This has never happened before. 270 00:12:32,457 --> 00:12:36,894 Well, it has something to do with the condom? 271 00:12:36,928 --> 00:12:39,726 I don't know why it would. 272 00:12:40,898 --> 00:12:42,661 "Everlast... 273 00:12:42,700 --> 00:12:44,691 lasts all night. 274 00:12:44,736 --> 00:12:49,105 Contains the numbing agent... 275 00:12:49,140 --> 00:12:51,768 lidocaine." 276 00:12:56,647 --> 00:12:57,773 What? 277 00:12:57,815 --> 00:13:01,444 I must have put it on inside out. 278 00:13:01,486 --> 00:13:04,319 Inside out? Honestly, you don't know how to put this on? 279 00:13:04,355 --> 00:13:07,791 I just... I didn't... no, I slipped it on the way you're supposed to put it on. 280 00:13:07,825 --> 00:13:09,986 15-year-old boys do it every day. 281 00:13:10,027 --> 00:13:12,791 - It's not hard! - I don't use it often. I slipped it on. 282 00:13:12,830 --> 00:13:14,798 There's no instructions or anything. 283 00:13:14,832 --> 00:13:17,562 - I rolled it down. - There's a wrong and a right way. 284 00:13:17,602 --> 00:13:20,901 You're the one who wanted to wear the condom. 285 00:13:20,938 --> 00:13:24,271 You didn't tell me you didn't know how to put it on, Larry. Jesus. 286 00:13:24,308 --> 00:13:26,572 I didn't know you could put it on inside out! 287 00:13:30,748 --> 00:13:32,579 - Hello? - Hey. 288 00:13:32,617 --> 00:13:35,313 Hey, that condom you gave me, Everlast? 289 00:13:35,353 --> 00:13:37,480 - There's something wrong with it. - What? 290 00:13:37,522 --> 00:13:39,114 I put it on inside out by mistake. 291 00:13:39,157 --> 00:13:41,318 Now Cheryl's all numb in her vagina. 292 00:13:41,359 --> 00:13:43,156 Don't you know how to put a rubber on? 293 00:13:43,194 --> 00:13:46,652 It's dark... who can read? I can't start reading instructions. 294 00:13:46,697 --> 00:13:48,062 How could you have done that? 295 00:13:48,099 --> 00:13:50,761 I knew there was something uncomfortable about it. 296 00:13:50,802 --> 00:13:53,532 It was really like squeezing the life out of me. 297 00:13:53,571 --> 00:13:55,402 They're designed to go the other way. 298 00:13:55,440 --> 00:13:57,067 Then you last and you last. 299 00:13:57,108 --> 00:13:59,440 - Have you ever heard of this before? - What? 300 00:13:59,477 --> 00:14:02,605 - The numb vagina? - We got bigger problems. 301 00:14:02,647 --> 00:14:05,207 - What? - Oscar is not good. 302 00:14:05,249 --> 00:14:07,513 He's just lethargic as can be 303 00:14:07,552 --> 00:14:10,988 and his bark is like... 304 00:14:11,022 --> 00:14:13,889 - emasculated. - You think it's from the incident? 305 00:14:13,925 --> 00:14:17,383 - Yes, I think it has. - Jeffrey! 306 00:14:17,428 --> 00:14:20,659 - Susie knows something's going down. - Where are you? 307 00:14:20,698 --> 00:14:23,223 You listen and you listen good. You keep that trap shut. 308 00:14:23,267 --> 00:14:25,929 What did you do to this dog?! Something's wrong with Oscar! 309 00:14:25,970 --> 00:14:27,938 Susie's yelling. I gotta get going. 310 00:14:27,972 --> 00:14:30,065 I'm sorry about Cheryl's vagina. 311 00:14:30,107 --> 00:14:32,575 - What's wrong with him? - I'll talk to you later, bye. 312 00:14:37,882 --> 00:14:40,214 Hey! 313 00:14:40,251 --> 00:14:43,152 How is it? 314 00:14:43,187 --> 00:14:46,679 It feels like it's been shot with novocaine. 315 00:14:46,724 --> 00:14:48,157 - Oh my God. - There's nothing. 316 00:14:48,192 --> 00:14:51,184 I'm really sorry. 317 00:14:52,930 --> 00:14:56,457 Hi, Wandering Bear. 318 00:14:56,501 --> 00:14:58,901 How's it going? 319 00:14:58,936 --> 00:15:00,494 Good. 320 00:15:00,538 --> 00:15:02,802 Okay. 321 00:15:02,840 --> 00:15:06,276 Hey, I'm sorry about that situation with Jeff and Susie. 322 00:15:07,612 --> 00:15:10,445 You should just go there and demand that they pay you 323 00:15:10,481 --> 00:15:13,177 the money they owe you. I guarantee you'll get it. 324 00:15:15,820 --> 00:15:18,721 There's an old Indian saying, 325 00:15:18,756 --> 00:15:20,587 "What goes around comes around." 326 00:15:20,625 --> 00:15:22,957 You sure that's Indian? 327 00:15:22,994 --> 00:15:25,121 I thought that was English. 328 00:15:25,162 --> 00:15:27,062 It could apply to anyone. 329 00:15:27,098 --> 00:15:31,057 Hey, Wandering Bear, let me ask you a question. 330 00:15:31,102 --> 00:15:35,129 You're a shaman of sorts. 331 00:15:35,172 --> 00:15:38,073 You know all about plants and herbs 332 00:15:38,109 --> 00:15:40,669 and you're kind of a medicine man in a way. 333 00:15:40,711 --> 00:15:43,305 Last night... 334 00:15:43,347 --> 00:15:47,181 I put a condom on inside out. 335 00:15:47,218 --> 00:15:50,187 And my wife's vagina is completely numb. 336 00:15:50,221 --> 00:15:52,689 Do you know of any... 337 00:15:52,723 --> 00:15:56,625 herbal remedy that might work for her? 338 00:16:04,502 --> 00:16:07,266 Hmm... 339 00:16:07,305 --> 00:16:10,069 give me a pencil and paper. 340 00:16:10,107 --> 00:16:12,769 Well, I have a pen. 341 00:16:12,810 --> 00:16:15,938 Same thing. 342 00:16:15,980 --> 00:16:17,709 Well... 343 00:16:17,748 --> 00:16:19,443 yeah, but you said pencil, 344 00:16:19,483 --> 00:16:21,917 so I just thought I'd mention that I had a pen. 345 00:16:23,888 --> 00:16:26,982 They both perform the same function. 346 00:16:27,024 --> 00:16:29,993 That's true. Pencil has an eraser. 347 00:16:30,027 --> 00:16:32,552 You make a mistake, you can erase. 348 00:16:32,597 --> 00:16:36,033 So there's a slight difference. Some people are very specific about it. 349 00:16:37,501 --> 00:16:41,562 - One writes, the other writes. - But you did say pencil. 350 00:17:02,126 --> 00:17:03,889 Is that a "Y"? 351 00:17:03,928 --> 00:17:08,092 That's a "T." 352 00:17:08,132 --> 00:17:10,760 Thank you, Wandering Bear. 353 00:17:18,309 --> 00:17:20,368 What? 354 00:17:34,725 --> 00:17:36,522 - Hey. - Hey. 355 00:17:36,560 --> 00:17:39,791 You forgot to cancel that lunch with Jason Small. 356 00:17:39,830 --> 00:17:42,230 Oh! Oh, yeah. 357 00:17:42,266 --> 00:17:44,393 He called my house. It was kind of embarrassing. 358 00:17:44,435 --> 00:17:45,697 Really? Wow. 359 00:17:45,736 --> 00:17:49,263 Oh, gosh, I'm really sorry about that. 360 00:17:49,306 --> 00:17:52,207 Um, today I need you to go to Mel Brooks's office 361 00:17:52,243 --> 00:17:54,336 and pick up some music for me. 362 00:17:54,378 --> 00:17:56,642 Then I need you to go to my business manager's office, 363 00:17:56,681 --> 00:17:59,115 there's a package which I need you to bring to my house. 364 00:17:59,150 --> 00:18:03,109 Uh, hey, let me ask you, um, like a guy question. 365 00:18:03,154 --> 00:18:04,815 Sure. 366 00:18:04,855 --> 00:18:07,585 At home my machine is full of all these hang-ups. 367 00:18:07,625 --> 00:18:09,058 Yeah? 368 00:18:09,093 --> 00:18:12,221 I'm wondering if it's Marvin because he wants to talk to me. 369 00:18:12,263 --> 00:18:14,629 - Of course. Yes yes. - Is it? 370 00:18:14,665 --> 00:18:17,190 So I don't know what to do. 371 00:18:17,234 --> 00:18:19,998 I mean clearly he's reaching out, 372 00:18:20,037 --> 00:18:22,767 but I shouldn't make the first move, right? 373 00:18:22,807 --> 00:18:26,800 Yeah, you want to get the phone? 374 00:18:26,844 --> 00:18:28,402 Should I make the first... 375 00:18:28,446 --> 00:18:30,175 - No. - I should stand my ground. 376 00:18:30,214 --> 00:18:31,374 Mmm-hmm. 377 00:18:31,415 --> 00:18:33,315 Okay, thanks, Larry. 378 00:18:33,350 --> 00:18:35,818 Hello? Larry David's... hello? 379 00:18:41,258 --> 00:18:44,318 Wandering Bear cured her vagina. 380 00:18:44,361 --> 00:18:46,955 He wrote down this thing... it's a root or something. 381 00:18:46,997 --> 00:18:48,828 She went to a health food store. 382 00:18:48,866 --> 00:18:51,926 I spoke to her on the phone... she's better. 383 00:18:51,969 --> 00:18:54,369 Wandering Bear cures vaginas? 384 00:18:54,405 --> 00:18:56,566 That guy is some kind of magician or something. 385 00:18:56,607 --> 00:18:59,007 I wish I had special powers over the vagina. 386 00:18:59,043 --> 00:19:00,738 How's, uh, how's Oscar, by the way? 387 00:19:00,778 --> 00:19:02,109 Not good. 388 00:19:02,146 --> 00:19:05,115 He's, uh, just moping around, same old thing, 389 00:19:05,149 --> 00:19:06,673 making those noises. 390 00:19:06,717 --> 00:19:07,911 Susie took him to the vet. 391 00:19:07,952 --> 00:19:10,113 Did you say anything? 392 00:19:12,089 --> 00:19:13,420 Okay? 393 00:19:13,457 --> 00:19:16,551 Oh, hey, by the way, here, you can have these condoms back. 394 00:19:16,594 --> 00:19:19,119 No, I'm not using them anymore. 395 00:19:19,163 --> 00:19:20,460 My doctor told me not to. 396 00:19:20,498 --> 00:19:23,058 He says it's no good for me to keep going and going. 397 00:19:23,100 --> 00:19:24,863 It's not good for my heart. 398 00:19:24,902 --> 00:19:26,733 Wow. 399 00:19:26,771 --> 00:19:28,295 It's a rubber for a young man. 400 00:19:28,339 --> 00:19:30,864 You know what? You might be right about that. 401 00:19:30,908 --> 00:19:32,739 Okay, that's who it's for. 402 00:19:32,777 --> 00:19:35,610 Hey, my 5-wood's coming in today at 4:30. Let's go get it. 403 00:19:35,646 --> 00:19:38,615 - All right, I'll pick you up at 4:30. - Beautiful. 404 00:19:48,025 --> 00:19:49,083 Hey. 405 00:19:49,126 --> 00:19:51,856 - Hi. - Hi. 406 00:19:51,896 --> 00:19:53,659 What did the vet say? 407 00:19:53,697 --> 00:19:56,564 He said that Oscar's voice box is damaged as though somebody 408 00:19:56,600 --> 00:20:00,468 - was trying to strangle him. - Strangle the dog? 409 00:20:00,504 --> 00:20:03,735 Ssomebody was trying to choke him. Who could that be, I wonder? 410 00:20:03,774 --> 00:20:07,005 What, who would want to do something like that? 411 00:20:07,044 --> 00:20:08,875 The dog bit your penis so you're trying 412 00:20:08,913 --> 00:20:10,744 to fucking kill him? Is that what it is? 413 00:20:10,781 --> 00:20:13,682 - No, that's ridiculous! - Really? Then what happened? 414 00:20:13,717 --> 00:20:15,617 How come he can't speak? What's wrong with him? 415 00:20:15,653 --> 00:20:17,245 I don't know, maybe he got hit by a car. 416 00:20:17,288 --> 00:20:19,449 Oh, please, he's gonna get hit by a car, how? 417 00:20:19,490 --> 00:20:21,924 Well, maybe somebody left the door open. 418 00:20:21,959 --> 00:20:24,427 Who's gonna leave the door open and let him out? 419 00:20:24,461 --> 00:20:25,985 Jeff could have. 420 00:20:26,030 --> 00:20:28,362 Jeff, did you leave the door open? 421 00:20:28,399 --> 00:20:31,300 - Yeah, exactly. - I'm not saying he did it on purpose. 422 00:20:31,335 --> 00:20:33,428 Maybe he went to get something from his car. 423 00:20:33,470 --> 00:20:35,267 Maybe you didn't try to strangle him, 424 00:20:35,306 --> 00:20:38,070 but something else happened, and you were involved, 425 00:20:38,108 --> 00:20:41,339 and I am gonna get to the bottom of this. 426 00:20:50,888 --> 00:20:52,253 Hi, Wandering Bear. 427 00:20:52,289 --> 00:20:54,120 Hello. 428 00:20:54,158 --> 00:20:56,149 How is your vagina? 429 00:20:59,363 --> 00:21:01,593 It's... 430 00:21:01,632 --> 00:21:03,327 getting better. 431 00:21:03,367 --> 00:21:05,358 Good. 432 00:21:16,680 --> 00:21:20,480 Wandering Bear just asked me how my vagina is. 433 00:21:20,517 --> 00:21:23,816 Well, I'm sure he just wanted to see if his cure was working. 434 00:21:23,854 --> 00:21:25,845 I don't appreciate strangers 435 00:21:25,890 --> 00:21:28,120 asking me about my vagina. God. 436 00:21:28,158 --> 00:21:32,356 - Wait a second. Did you thank him? - No. 437 00:21:32,396 --> 00:21:35,160 You could have at least expressed some gratitude. 438 00:21:35,199 --> 00:21:37,133 He did cure your vagina, did he not? 439 00:21:42,539 --> 00:21:44,404 Hey, Wandering Bear... 440 00:21:46,543 --> 00:21:49,706 might not be such a good idea 441 00:21:49,747 --> 00:21:52,682 to ask my wife how her vagina is. 442 00:21:52,716 --> 00:21:55,276 I don't know how it is with American Indians, 443 00:21:55,319 --> 00:21:59,153 but the Jew generally doesn't ask other men's wives about their vagina. 444 00:21:59,189 --> 00:22:02,625 It's a custom thing. 445 00:22:02,660 --> 00:22:05,720 Well, if you take her to the white man doctor, 446 00:22:05,763 --> 00:22:09,028 he will not only ask about her vagina, 447 00:22:09,066 --> 00:22:10,931 he'll look. 448 00:22:10,968 --> 00:22:14,028 Good point, Wandering Bear, good point. 449 00:22:14,071 --> 00:22:16,039 Anyway, it's really working out. 450 00:22:16,073 --> 00:22:19,065 She's feeling a lot better. Thanks again. 451 00:22:25,349 --> 00:22:28,045 Hey. Here are the papers 452 00:22:28,085 --> 00:22:30,883 from your business manager's office. 453 00:22:30,921 --> 00:22:33,185 So... 454 00:22:33,223 --> 00:22:35,783 What about the music from Mel's office? 455 00:22:35,826 --> 00:22:39,193 Oh, Larry, was I supposed to pick that up? 456 00:22:39,229 --> 00:22:41,254 Yeah. 457 00:22:41,298 --> 00:22:43,266 I'm sorry. I totally forgot. 458 00:22:43,300 --> 00:22:45,894 Uh-huh, just like you forgot to call Jason Small 459 00:22:45,936 --> 00:22:48,666 and cancel the lunch appointment. 460 00:22:48,706 --> 00:22:51,539 Okay, fine, I'm sorry. 461 00:22:51,575 --> 00:22:53,634 I'm terrible. I'm a bad assistant. 462 00:22:53,677 --> 00:22:55,406 You know, I don't need this. 463 00:22:55,446 --> 00:22:57,414 Do your own errands, run your own life. 464 00:22:57,448 --> 00:22:59,939 - I'm done. No, I quit, Larry. - What are you talking about? 465 00:22:59,984 --> 00:23:01,952 - What? - I don't need this anymore. 466 00:23:01,986 --> 00:23:05,285 - No, you can't quit. - Tell Jason Small, or maybe I will, 467 00:23:05,322 --> 00:23:06,983 about your mom's fake unveiling. 468 00:23:07,024 --> 00:23:08,753 How about that? Isn't that nice? 469 00:23:08,792 --> 00:23:10,692 And I'm sure Cheryl would love to hear 470 00:23:10,728 --> 00:23:13,094 about "College Girls Gone Wild." 471 00:23:13,130 --> 00:23:17,430 Yeah, Cheryl, that's right. "College Girls Gone Wild," Cheryl, it's hot! 472 00:23:17,468 --> 00:23:20,369 You know what? Everybody's gonna know every lie, every deceit, 473 00:23:20,404 --> 00:23:22,838 every half-truth you have ever told, mister! 474 00:23:22,873 --> 00:23:24,306 Eight years of service! 475 00:23:24,341 --> 00:23:27,139 Come on, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 476 00:23:27,177 --> 00:23:29,042 I'm sorry. I apologize. 477 00:23:29,079 --> 00:23:30,376 But you can't quit. 478 00:23:30,414 --> 00:23:32,746 Come on, I'm sorry, I'm sorry! 479 00:23:32,783 --> 00:23:34,751 Larry? 480 00:23:34,785 --> 00:23:37,151 What are you doing? What's going on? 481 00:23:37,187 --> 00:23:39,951 She quit. She quit. She's gonna expose me to the world. 482 00:23:39,990 --> 00:23:43,323 She said she's gonna tell everybody about my lies and my deceit. 483 00:23:43,360 --> 00:23:45,794 And I said terrible things about so many people. 484 00:23:45,829 --> 00:23:49,196 And you and Jeff and Susie and Louis, everybody I know and... 485 00:23:49,233 --> 00:23:51,224 What have you said about me? 486 00:23:51,268 --> 00:23:52,963 - Oh, did I say you? - Yeah. 487 00:23:53,003 --> 00:23:54,971 No no, I didn't mean you. No, the others. 488 00:23:55,005 --> 00:23:56,438 The others, not you. 489 00:23:56,473 --> 00:23:59,237 But the point is that I'm gonna be ruined, you understand? 490 00:23:59,276 --> 00:24:02,712 - We're gonna have to move. - Why was she so upset? 491 00:24:02,746 --> 00:24:05,340 I yelled at her. She was supposed to do some stuff for me. 492 00:24:05,382 --> 00:24:08,078 - She didn't do it. - I'm sure she'll be fine once she... 493 00:24:08,118 --> 00:24:11,019 She hasn't been fine since she broke up with her boyfriend. 494 00:24:11,055 --> 00:24:13,489 That's the whole problem. 495 00:24:13,524 --> 00:24:16,721 See, now if I could get those two back together... 496 00:24:18,862 --> 00:24:22,161 I need to talk to her boyfriend. I got news for you. 497 00:24:22,199 --> 00:24:23,996 Okay. 498 00:24:24,034 --> 00:24:26,662 That's what I need to do. 499 00:24:39,850 --> 00:24:42,148 - Hey, Marv. - Hi, Larry. 500 00:24:43,220 --> 00:24:46,451 - I came to see you. - Okay, yeah, sit down. 501 00:24:46,490 --> 00:24:49,050 - Yeah? - Yeah, sure. 502 00:24:49,093 --> 00:24:52,893 So, uh, I wanted to talk to you about Antoinette. 503 00:24:52,930 --> 00:24:55,922 Oh, uh, yeah, that's, um... 504 00:24:55,966 --> 00:24:59,402 that's a tough, uh, a tough situation. 505 00:24:59,436 --> 00:25:01,165 I don't understand what happened. 506 00:25:01,205 --> 00:25:02,900 You were such a great couple and... 507 00:25:02,940 --> 00:25:04,908 Yeah, you know, she's a great gal. 508 00:25:04,942 --> 00:25:06,671 She really is. I love her... 509 00:25:06,710 --> 00:25:08,473 What are you breaking up with her for? 510 00:25:08,512 --> 00:25:11,481 You know, it's personal. 511 00:25:11,515 --> 00:25:14,109 I know. That's what she said. 512 00:25:14,151 --> 00:25:16,415 It's, uh... 513 00:25:16,453 --> 00:25:17,977 Pour it out, buddy. 514 00:25:19,623 --> 00:25:21,955 It's sexual, sexual. 515 00:25:21,992 --> 00:25:25,359 Marvin, I've had every sexual problem known to mankind. 516 00:25:25,395 --> 00:25:27,090 What is it, you're impotent? 517 00:25:27,131 --> 00:25:29,656 I've gone 10 years with no erection. What is that? 518 00:25:29,700 --> 00:25:31,099 That's not it. It's not that. 519 00:25:34,771 --> 00:25:36,602 When the race begins, 520 00:25:36,640 --> 00:25:39,165 I'm at the finish line just like that... 521 00:25:39,209 --> 00:25:41,677 Quick quick, I finish quick. 522 00:25:41,712 --> 00:25:44,237 Ah... 523 00:25:44,281 --> 00:25:46,010 Hmm. 524 00:25:46,049 --> 00:25:48,244 It's tough. 525 00:25:48,285 --> 00:25:49,616 Hmm. 526 00:25:58,428 --> 00:26:00,419 - Marv. - Yes? 527 00:26:04,001 --> 00:26:06,231 Your problems are over. 528 00:26:06,270 --> 00:26:09,068 Everlast condom? 529 00:26:09,106 --> 00:26:11,700 I've used condoms before, Larry, they don't help. 530 00:26:11,742 --> 00:26:14,370 You haven't used this one. 531 00:26:14,411 --> 00:26:16,971 All night, my friend... 532 00:26:17,014 --> 00:26:20,245 all night. 533 00:26:24,388 --> 00:26:26,822 I've just got one little word of advice for you. 534 00:26:26,857 --> 00:26:29,291 Don't wear it inside out. 535 00:26:30,561 --> 00:26:32,358 Thanks, Larry. 536 00:26:45,242 --> 00:26:47,210 - Hey. - Ready to go? 537 00:26:47,244 --> 00:26:50,077 Yeah, let me go get my jacket. I'll be right out. 538 00:26:50,113 --> 00:26:52,513 How's Oscar? 539 00:26:52,549 --> 00:26:54,016 He's not good, Larry. 540 00:26:54,051 --> 00:26:55,780 He's not good. He's the same. 541 00:26:55,819 --> 00:26:58,754 He hasn't gotten any better. I know you did something. 542 00:27:00,724 --> 00:27:02,055 I'll get that. 543 00:27:02,092 --> 00:27:03,923 Yeah, good, go get the door. 544 00:27:03,961 --> 00:27:06,486 Ah, Wandering Bear. 545 00:27:06,530 --> 00:27:08,498 - No, I don't want him in the house. - Come in. 546 00:27:08,532 --> 00:27:10,625 - Hello, David. - Hello. 547 00:27:10,667 --> 00:27:14,398 I've come to collect my money. 548 00:27:14,438 --> 00:27:17,839 Wandering Elk, whatever the fuck your name is, you were paid already. 549 00:27:17,874 --> 00:27:19,535 You don't need to talk like that. 550 00:27:19,576 --> 00:27:22,409 - You're a better person than that. - No, she's not. 551 00:27:22,446 --> 00:27:25,210 We paid you, that was it. I'd like you out of my house. 552 00:27:25,249 --> 00:27:28,707 - I need to be paid in full please. - You don't get out of my house, 553 00:27:28,752 --> 00:27:30,617 - I'll get my dog. - Susie! 554 00:27:30,654 --> 00:27:32,349 - Oscar! - Susie, come on. 555 00:27:32,389 --> 00:27:34,550 - Oscar! - Please don't do that. 556 00:27:37,861 --> 00:27:40,625 You see this? He's useless. 557 00:27:40,664 --> 00:27:42,359 You see what you did to him? He's useless. 558 00:27:42,399 --> 00:27:44,094 This used to be a watchdog. 559 00:27:45,569 --> 00:27:47,662 May I take a look at him? 560 00:27:49,906 --> 00:27:52,807 Fine fine, go ahead. 561 00:28:36,219 --> 00:28:37,880 Ahhh! 562 00:28:46,463 --> 00:28:48,693 Hey, Prius! 563 00:28:49,000 --> 00:29:00,000 Subtitles by BloodLogic 564 00:29:05,000 --> 00:29:20,000 Legalize Marijuana -- or no more subtitles! ;)