1 00:04:00,652 --> 00:04:02,823 Boxers! 2 00:04:46,797 --> 00:04:49,284 Not one step further. 3 00:04:49,357 --> 00:04:52,586 The keeper of the lmperial Seal. 4 00:04:52,653 --> 00:04:55,074 Just the man l was looking for. 5 00:04:57,677 --> 00:04:59,139 A woman. 6 00:04:59,214 --> 00:05:01,450 You Chinese are very progressive. 7 00:05:36,590 --> 00:05:38,478 A gift from an old friend. 8 00:05:39,662 --> 00:05:41,156 Wu Chow. 9 00:05:41,999 --> 00:05:44,552 He wanted me to send his regards. 10 00:05:49,039 --> 00:05:50,152 Father! 11 00:06:42,384 --> 00:06:43,945 Father. 12 00:06:44,016 --> 00:06:48,238 The seal. You must get it back. 13 00:06:50,064 --> 00:06:51,493 l promise. 14 00:06:51,568 --> 00:06:56,173 Give this... to your brother. 15 00:07:25,042 --> 00:07:26,568 What are you reading? 16 00:07:27,537 --> 00:07:31,083 Oh. "Roy O'Bannon vs. The Mummy." 17 00:07:31,154 --> 00:07:32,331 lt's incredible. 18 00:07:32,402 --> 00:07:34,409 Roy's just taken out the Mummy's entire army 19 00:07:34,482 --> 00:07:37,864 of zombie confederate soldiers, and he only had one bullet. 20 00:07:37,937 --> 00:07:39,530 That's impossible. 21 00:07:39,601 --> 00:07:40,812 Oh, no, it's not. 22 00:07:40,882 --> 00:07:43,435 Roy figured out the physics of the canyon 23 00:07:43,506 --> 00:07:45,873 and then ricocheted a bullet off the canyon wall. 24 00:07:45,938 --> 00:07:47,847 Nailed each zombie through the heart. 25 00:07:48,562 --> 00:07:50,122 What about the Shanghai Kid? 26 00:07:50,194 --> 00:07:51,852 He was captured and knocked out on page 10 27 00:07:51,922 --> 00:07:53,515 while he was polishing Roy's pearl handles. 28 00:07:53,586 --> 00:07:54,634 Don't you worry. 29 00:07:54,706 --> 00:07:57,640 Roy's about to save him from becoming a human sacrifice. 30 00:07:57,714 --> 00:08:00,398 Those stories are all lies. 31 00:08:00,466 --> 00:08:01,480 No. See? 32 00:08:01,554 --> 00:08:02,765 lt says right here on the back. 33 00:08:02,835 --> 00:08:05,868 "Author Sage McCallister bases all his stories 34 00:08:05,938 --> 00:08:07,694 on firsthand accounts." 35 00:08:28,787 --> 00:08:31,121 Sorry, sheriff. No princess. 36 00:08:35,476 --> 00:08:37,134 Every day you meet the noon stage. 37 00:08:37,203 --> 00:08:39,537 Every day it's the same story. 38 00:08:39,603 --> 00:08:41,327 She's not coming back. 39 00:08:41,395 --> 00:08:44,428 Pei Pei's married to her work in San Francisco. 40 00:08:44,499 --> 00:08:45,874 Modern woman. 41 00:08:45,939 --> 00:08:48,110 Sheriff, you got a parcel. 42 00:08:49,427 --> 00:08:51,216 Hey, maybe it's from her! 43 00:08:51,284 --> 00:08:53,651 No. lt's from my sister in China. 44 00:09:41,909 --> 00:09:43,316 l know. 45 00:09:47,509 --> 00:09:49,746 l know. l must go. 46 00:09:49,813 --> 00:09:53,075 Stay here and be a good horsey for the new sheriff. 47 00:09:57,717 --> 00:10:01,329 Uh, sheriff, that stage is headed east. 48 00:10:01,397 --> 00:10:03,950 lsn't China kind of west of here? 49 00:10:04,021 --> 00:10:06,607 l'm not going to China. l'm going to New York. 50 00:10:06,678 --> 00:10:08,052 Roy invested my money. 51 00:10:08,565 --> 00:10:11,599 ls it true that he lives in a penthouse at the top of the Ritz 52 00:10:11,797 --> 00:10:13,292 surrounded by dozens of beautiful women 53 00:10:13,366 --> 00:10:14,892 at his every beck and call? 54 00:10:14,966 --> 00:10:16,373 That's the old Roy. 55 00:10:16,437 --> 00:10:18,609 He's married, settled down. 56 00:10:18,678 --> 00:10:21,361 Trust me, he's changed. 57 00:10:22,838 --> 00:10:25,359 So there we were. Completely outnumbered. 58 00:10:25,430 --> 00:10:28,081 He didn't have to tell me we didn't stand a chance. 59 00:10:28,151 --> 00:10:31,282 So l send the Shanghai Kid and the princess out the back. 60 00:10:31,350 --> 00:10:33,805 Poor Shanghai Kid. He was so frightened. 61 00:10:33,878 --> 00:10:36,082 He forgot to thank me for saving his life. 62 00:10:36,887 --> 00:10:37,835 l'm used to that. 63 00:10:37,910 --> 00:10:41,652 Now, l returned to the front, and l counted to three... 64 00:10:41,718 --> 00:10:43,758 and l burst out of the mission. 65 00:10:43,830 --> 00:10:47,573 Pearl handles blazing. Lead flying everywhere. 66 00:10:47,639 --> 00:10:49,548 And not a single bullet touched me. 67 00:10:50,263 --> 00:10:51,856 -No! -Yeah. 68 00:10:51,927 --> 00:10:53,999 What happened to the emperor's gold? 69 00:10:54,071 --> 00:10:55,282 Well, we divided it up. 70 00:10:55,351 --> 00:10:58,318 l insisted on giving my share to the lndians. 71 00:10:58,391 --> 00:11:00,463 The savages? 72 00:11:00,535 --> 00:11:04,081 Please don't ever call those noble people savages. 73 00:11:04,151 --> 00:11:05,329 lf being proud of your body 74 00:11:05,399 --> 00:11:07,733 and wanting to ride around naked all day makes you a savage, 75 00:11:07,799 --> 00:11:10,647 then, by God, you're drinking with a savage. 76 00:11:24,440 --> 00:11:26,709 And that is what you call a French toast. 77 00:11:26,775 --> 00:11:30,256 You are so sophisticated, Mr. O'Bannon. 78 00:11:31,288 --> 00:11:32,215 Whoo! 79 00:11:32,279 --> 00:11:35,346 Who's up for some more bubbly? 80 00:11:46,617 --> 00:11:48,788 Reach for the sky, Roy. 81 00:11:49,656 --> 00:11:50,932 Say that again. 82 00:11:51,000 --> 00:11:53,073 Reach for the sky, Roy. 83 00:11:53,144 --> 00:11:55,599 Chon Wang! 84 00:11:55,672 --> 00:11:57,396 You sly son of a gun! 85 00:11:57,465 --> 00:11:59,352 -Look at you! -Look at you! 86 00:11:59,416 --> 00:12:02,416 -What brings you to New York? -My share of the gold. 87 00:12:02,489 --> 00:12:04,660 Refresh my memory. What gold? 88 00:12:04,729 --> 00:12:06,768 The emperor's gold. 89 00:12:06,840 --> 00:12:09,262 Okay, now, that gold is in 90 00:12:09,337 --> 00:12:12,020 what the Wall Street pros call a long-term investment. 91 00:12:12,089 --> 00:12:13,944 We can't touch it because it's building. 92 00:12:14,009 --> 00:12:14,958 l need it tonight. 93 00:12:15,033 --> 00:12:16,888 You just got here. Let's celebrate. 94 00:12:16,953 --> 00:12:17,847 No. l don't have time. 95 00:12:17,913 --> 00:12:21,142 -You just got to the big city. -My father's been killed. 96 00:12:25,209 --> 00:12:26,486 Chon, l'm... 97 00:12:26,553 --> 00:12:28,408 You need the money to get back for the funeral? 98 00:12:28,473 --> 00:12:31,604 No. l must go to England. The ship leaves tonight. 99 00:12:31,674 --> 00:12:33,103 Your father died in England? 100 00:12:33,177 --> 00:12:35,796 China. My sister followed the murderer to London. 101 00:12:35,866 --> 00:12:39,281 Wait. Murderer. l'm a little bit mixed up. 102 00:12:39,354 --> 00:12:41,263 Let me see if l can get the facts straight. 103 00:12:41,338 --> 00:12:44,305 You have a sister? You never told me you had a sister. 104 00:12:44,377 --> 00:12:46,647 ls she pretty or does she look like you? Be honest. 105 00:12:46,714 --> 00:12:48,950 Roy, l need my money! 106 00:12:49,018 --> 00:12:50,873 l don't like that tone of voice. 107 00:12:50,938 --> 00:12:53,873 You think after all we've been through l'd stiff you? 108 00:12:53,946 --> 00:12:55,953 l'm doing pretty well for myself. 109 00:12:56,026 --> 00:12:57,553 Yeah. 110 00:12:58,106 --> 00:13:00,473 -l'm sorry, Roy. -That's okay. 111 00:13:00,539 --> 00:13:02,481 You're going through a really tough time right now. 112 00:13:02,555 --> 00:13:04,660 You got to be more trusting of people, okay? 113 00:13:04,731 --> 00:13:06,389 Look at me. lt's Roy. 114 00:13:06,458 --> 00:13:08,498 The couple at table 5 is ready to order. 115 00:13:12,186 --> 00:13:13,681 Do you work here? 116 00:13:13,755 --> 00:13:14,965 No, l don't work here. 117 00:13:15,035 --> 00:13:17,369 lt looks like these guys are wearing a similar jacket. 118 00:13:17,434 --> 00:13:19,801 Roy, here's your cut of the tips. 119 00:13:24,698 --> 00:13:25,909 lt's the craziest thing. 120 00:13:25,979 --> 00:13:28,532 l guess because l come in here so much 121 00:13:28,603 --> 00:13:29,977 they're mistaking me for a waiter. 122 00:13:30,043 --> 00:13:32,564 -lt's embarrassing. -You lost the gold. 123 00:13:33,915 --> 00:13:35,857 -Not all of it. -Where's the rest? 124 00:13:35,931 --> 00:13:39,641 l have one word for you. Zeppelin. 125 00:13:39,707 --> 00:13:41,365 l need my money now! 126 00:13:41,435 --> 00:13:43,159 -Easy, easy. 127 00:13:44,892 --> 00:13:46,321 Will you do anything for this money? 128 00:13:46,395 --> 00:13:48,184 Yes. l must leave tonight. 129 00:13:48,251 --> 00:13:49,975 Okay. Take this key. 130 00:13:50,044 --> 00:13:51,866 Go to the room. Get cleaned up. 131 00:13:51,932 --> 00:13:53,426 Your old pal Roy's got a plan. 132 00:13:53,499 --> 00:13:55,572 Go! Come on! 133 00:14:10,492 --> 00:14:13,525 Howdy, big boy. 134 00:14:23,549 --> 00:14:24,443 What? 135 00:14:24,509 --> 00:14:27,094 There's a woman in there! She wants me to sleep with her. 136 00:14:27,164 --> 00:14:28,179 Of course she does. 137 00:14:28,253 --> 00:14:30,358 l told her the Great Wall ain't the only big thing 138 00:14:30,429 --> 00:14:31,356 coming out of China. 139 00:14:31,421 --> 00:14:33,876 -Why did you say that? -So you could get the money. 140 00:14:33,949 --> 00:14:35,956 l will not sleep with women for money! 141 00:14:36,029 --> 00:14:36,923 Why? 142 00:14:36,989 --> 00:14:39,062 l'm gonna sleep with her for money. 143 00:14:39,645 --> 00:14:42,263 Chon, just go in there and do your business 144 00:14:42,333 --> 00:14:44,340 and think about your sister in England. 145 00:14:44,413 --> 00:14:45,788 -What? -Roy! 146 00:14:45,853 --> 00:14:47,609 -Duty calls. -Roy! 147 00:14:53,021 --> 00:14:54,843 Good evening, Mr. Mayor. 148 00:14:54,909 --> 00:14:56,186 Where are they? 149 00:14:56,254 --> 00:14:57,366 Who? 150 00:14:58,653 --> 00:15:00,028 My daughters. 151 00:15:00,094 --> 00:15:01,174 10th floor. 152 00:15:07,966 --> 00:15:10,300 Roy? Roy, you got trouble. 153 00:15:10,366 --> 00:15:11,892 Roy! 154 00:15:11,966 --> 00:15:14,388 l got to check on something. l'll be right back. 155 00:15:16,734 --> 00:15:18,261 Chon, new plan. We got to go. 156 00:15:18,366 --> 00:15:20,024 -Chon, what are you doing?! 157 00:15:20,062 --> 00:15:21,306 l'm fixing her back. 158 00:15:21,374 --> 00:15:23,741 Put her down, you decadent Philistine. 159 00:15:26,078 --> 00:15:28,020 Hey, Chon, come on! Let's go! 160 00:15:29,214 --> 00:15:30,196 -Bye-bye. -Bye. 161 00:15:30,270 --> 00:15:32,059 Come on! 162 00:15:33,566 --> 00:15:35,705 l don't understand. What's going on? 163 00:15:35,774 --> 00:15:36,984 l don't have time to explain. 164 00:15:37,054 --> 00:15:39,444 All you have to know is there are bad men after us... 165 00:15:39,518 --> 00:15:40,860 but l'm in the right. 166 00:15:40,926 --> 00:15:45,182 -Roy. -You gotta trust me on this. 167 00:15:45,247 --> 00:15:46,294 Okay, look. 168 00:15:46,367 --> 00:15:49,149 l'm in a transitional phase in my life. 169 00:15:49,214 --> 00:15:50,643 -But... -But what? 170 00:15:52,127 --> 00:15:53,982 You want to know the truth? 171 00:15:54,047 --> 00:15:55,957 l'm a little lost right now. 172 00:15:56,031 --> 00:15:57,973 l see you. You've got a sense of purpose. 173 00:15:58,047 --> 00:16:01,659 But look at me. l'm a 30-year-old waiter/gigolo. 174 00:16:01,727 --> 00:16:03,964 Where's the future in that? 175 00:16:08,256 --> 00:16:10,231 So what's the plan? 176 00:16:10,303 --> 00:16:12,092 You were always my compass, Chon. 177 00:16:12,159 --> 00:16:14,331 The plan. You ask me the right questions. 178 00:16:14,400 --> 00:16:15,327 The plan? 179 00:16:15,391 --> 00:16:18,010 The plan, l think, is to find the right woman. 180 00:16:18,080 --> 00:16:20,414 Raise a lot of children and teach them values. 181 00:16:20,480 --> 00:16:23,131 No, Roy. The plan to get out of here. 182 00:16:23,200 --> 00:16:24,891 Okay, the plan. Here we go. 183 00:16:35,840 --> 00:16:37,401 -Cops! Cops! -They can help us. 184 00:16:37,472 --> 00:16:39,676 No, no. Chon, not these cops. 185 00:16:39,744 --> 00:16:42,591 These are dirty cops. They take advantage of people. 186 00:16:42,657 --> 00:16:46,934 Now, if they stop us, remember, l'm not Roy O'Bannon. 187 00:16:47,009 --> 00:16:48,383 Who are you? 188 00:16:48,448 --> 00:16:51,612 l'm your friend Smoky Desperado from the West. 189 00:16:51,680 --> 00:16:52,891 And who am l? 190 00:16:52,961 --> 00:16:54,935 You. You're Benihana. 191 00:16:55,008 --> 00:16:57,048 -Benihana. -Yeah. 192 00:16:57,120 --> 00:17:00,503 You teach crippled children yoga here in the city. 193 00:17:00,577 --> 00:17:03,446 -You go first. -No! Why me? 194 00:17:03,521 --> 00:17:05,855 Because you blend in, okay? 195 00:17:05,921 --> 00:17:08,736 Now, go! Don't let them see you! 196 00:17:10,401 --> 00:17:11,449 Benihana. 197 00:17:27,233 --> 00:17:28,891 Hey! Hey! 198 00:17:37,089 --> 00:17:38,137 Ooh. 199 00:18:29,155 --> 00:18:31,708 Psst! Chon! 200 00:18:31,779 --> 00:18:33,241 Come on. Stop wasting time. 201 00:18:37,731 --> 00:18:38,625 You! 202 00:18:38,691 --> 00:18:40,830 Chon, l found our ticket out of here. 203 00:18:42,339 --> 00:18:43,616 We're on our way. 204 00:18:43,683 --> 00:18:45,723 Looks like old Roy came through again. 205 00:18:45,796 --> 00:18:47,705 Just like old times, Chon. 206 00:18:47,779 --> 00:18:49,438 Check over there! 207 00:18:49,508 --> 00:18:52,442 -Over to the alley! -That way! 208 00:18:55,524 --> 00:18:58,306 Yeah, just like old times. 209 00:18:58,372 --> 00:19:00,030 Will you forget about the gold for a second? 210 00:19:00,100 --> 00:19:01,759 You're gonna have more money than you ever dreamed of 211 00:19:01,828 --> 00:19:03,519 when that first zeppelin takes off. 212 00:19:03,588 --> 00:19:06,555 Why do l always believe you? 213 00:19:06,628 --> 00:19:08,351 What do you mean? 214 00:19:08,420 --> 00:19:09,882 You're lucky l didn't invest 215 00:19:09,956 --> 00:19:12,825 in that ridiculous automobile idea. 216 00:19:12,900 --> 00:19:14,656 Yeah, that's gonna make a lot of money. 217 00:19:38,629 --> 00:19:39,971 What's that? 218 00:19:40,037 --> 00:19:42,492 Doghouse. l'm in the doghouse. 219 00:19:43,365 --> 00:19:45,056 Oh, come on, Chon. 220 00:19:45,125 --> 00:19:47,012 Look, l'm sorry l lied. 221 00:19:47,077 --> 00:19:49,466 l just didn't want to disappoint you. 222 00:19:50,757 --> 00:19:52,732 That's exactly what l mean. 223 00:19:52,805 --> 00:19:54,332 l can't take that look. 224 00:19:54,406 --> 00:19:56,959 l learned it from my father. 225 00:19:57,030 --> 00:19:59,102 That's how he used to look at me. 226 00:20:00,262 --> 00:20:02,782 What did your dad do? Was he an lmperial Guard? 227 00:20:02,854 --> 00:20:03,836 No. 228 00:20:03,910 --> 00:20:06,660 Much more important. 229 00:20:06,758 --> 00:20:09,124 He was the keeper of the lmperial Seal. 230 00:20:09,158 --> 00:20:10,587 That's what l love about China. 231 00:20:10,662 --> 00:20:13,345 Everybody's job description sounds so damn cool. 232 00:20:13,414 --> 00:20:16,317 The seal has been symbol of the emperor's power 233 00:20:16,390 --> 00:20:17,536 since Genghis Khan. 234 00:20:17,606 --> 00:20:20,770 lt has been passed down from one emperor to another. 235 00:20:20,839 --> 00:20:24,221 My family have been watching over it for 12 generations. 236 00:20:24,294 --> 00:20:25,788 12 generations? 237 00:20:27,110 --> 00:20:29,761 My father and l used to skip stones across the moat 238 00:20:29,831 --> 00:20:33,890 and talk about a day l would follow his footsteps. 239 00:20:35,366 --> 00:20:38,181 l was his only son. 240 00:20:38,247 --> 00:20:41,694 lf l'd have been there, l could have protected him. 241 00:20:41,766 --> 00:20:44,068 lt's not your fault. You were 3,000 miles away. 242 00:20:47,239 --> 00:20:48,897 What's with that little box? 243 00:20:49,831 --> 00:20:53,541 My sister sent it to me from my father. 244 00:20:53,607 --> 00:20:56,225 -There's a message inside. -What's it say? 245 00:20:56,295 --> 00:20:58,913 lt's a puzzle box. l don't know how to open yet. 246 00:20:58,984 --> 00:20:59,877 What do you mean? 247 00:20:59,944 --> 00:21:02,399 Get a hammer and smash it open so you can see what it says. 248 00:21:02,472 --> 00:21:04,610 l must have patience. 249 00:21:04,679 --> 00:21:06,916 By the time l'm able to open it... 250 00:21:06,983 --> 00:21:08,325 l will be ready to read the message. 251 00:21:08,391 --> 00:21:09,536 Come on, Confucius. 252 00:21:09,607 --> 00:21:11,746 That's the corniest thing l've ever heard. 253 00:21:14,696 --> 00:21:16,452 Let me see this. 254 00:21:19,368 --> 00:21:20,829 You know what? 255 00:21:20,904 --> 00:21:22,759 We're gonna go to England. 256 00:21:22,824 --> 00:21:24,231 We're gonna find your dad's killer. 257 00:21:24,296 --> 00:21:25,725 We're gonna get that seal back. 258 00:21:25,800 --> 00:21:27,229 There's no reward for this, Roy. 259 00:21:27,304 --> 00:21:28,482 Who said anything about a reward? 260 00:21:28,552 --> 00:21:31,901 l'm talking about friendship, loyalty, honor. 261 00:21:31,976 --> 00:21:33,405 Okay? 262 00:21:34,344 --> 00:21:35,751 Thank you, Roy. 263 00:21:38,408 --> 00:21:40,383 And l hear England is ass soup. 264 00:21:40,456 --> 00:21:42,595 A lot of pretty girls there. 265 00:21:54,249 --> 00:21:56,834 First order of business, my Lords... 266 00:21:56,904 --> 00:22:00,549 is a report from our esteemed friend Lord Rathbone... 267 00:22:00,617 --> 00:22:05,374 who recently returned from a diplomatic mission to China. 268 00:22:15,753 --> 00:22:17,728 Fellow Lords... 269 00:22:17,802 --> 00:22:21,479 l'm afraid l bring disturbing news from the Orient. 270 00:22:22,154 --> 00:22:24,226 The opium wars have ravaged the land. 271 00:22:24,297 --> 00:22:26,599 The emperor's enemies are organizing. 272 00:22:26,665 --> 00:22:29,153 The most vicious are the Boxers. 273 00:22:29,226 --> 00:22:33,056 A godless band of rebels who murder without discretion. 274 00:22:34,474 --> 00:22:36,678 China is not well. 275 00:22:38,281 --> 00:22:42,176 l have brought back an envoy who should give us some insight 276 00:22:42,250 --> 00:22:45,665 into the inscrutable mind of the Chinese. 277 00:22:49,066 --> 00:22:51,335 ls he mad? 278 00:22:51,402 --> 00:22:54,217 Given to Her Majesty Queen Victoria by the emperor 279 00:22:54,283 --> 00:22:57,960 in recognition of her 50 glorious years on the throne. 280 00:22:59,691 --> 00:23:01,284 Outrageousness! 281 00:23:02,602 --> 00:23:04,261 Long live the queen. 282 00:23:26,635 --> 00:23:28,871 Jack the Ripper strikes again! 283 00:23:28,939 --> 00:23:31,558 Extra! Extra! Read all about it. 284 00:23:31,628 --> 00:23:33,221 Howdy, partner. 285 00:23:34,123 --> 00:23:36,163 The English are not very friendly. 286 00:23:36,235 --> 00:23:38,624 They're just sore losers. 287 00:23:38,700 --> 00:23:40,107 What did they lose? 288 00:23:40,172 --> 00:23:43,467 A little thing called the American Revolution, Chon. 289 00:23:43,532 --> 00:23:44,459 Never heard of it. 290 00:23:44,523 --> 00:23:45,832 l'll give you the highlights. 291 00:23:45,900 --> 00:23:47,722 They came over with about a million men. 292 00:23:47,788 --> 00:23:49,675 We had a bunch of farmers with pitchforks 293 00:23:49,740 --> 00:23:51,747 and beat 'em like a drum. 294 00:23:55,052 --> 00:23:56,808 Hey! l'm walking here! 295 00:23:56,876 --> 00:24:00,105 You're driving on the wrong side of the road! 296 00:24:00,172 --> 00:24:03,718 Bunch of amateurs. These people don't get it. 297 00:24:03,788 --> 00:24:05,479 Hello, ladies. 298 00:24:09,100 --> 00:24:10,148 Look at you. 299 00:24:10,220 --> 00:24:12,392 What? l'm not supposed to notice a pretty lady? 300 00:24:12,461 --> 00:24:14,828 l thought you wanted to settle down and have a family. 301 00:24:14,892 --> 00:24:18,056 l do, Chon. l just hope l can. 302 00:24:18,124 --> 00:24:19,139 Why not? 303 00:24:19,213 --> 00:24:22,661 Sometimes l worry that all the damn horseback riding 304 00:24:22,732 --> 00:24:23,976 l did out in the West, 305 00:24:24,044 --> 00:24:27,874 bouncing up and down on the hard saddles might have made it 306 00:24:27,949 --> 00:24:32,139 so my salmon don't swim upstream the way they're supposed to. 307 00:24:32,205 --> 00:24:33,220 What? 308 00:24:33,293 --> 00:24:36,326 l might be shooting blanks. 309 00:24:36,397 --> 00:24:37,379 Oh. 310 00:24:37,453 --> 00:24:39,493 Don't say anything. 311 00:24:40,621 --> 00:24:43,436 Roy, it's okay. 312 00:24:43,501 --> 00:24:45,956 Some people are not meant to have a family. 313 00:24:46,029 --> 00:24:48,713 l've always had such a special connection with children. 314 00:24:48,782 --> 00:24:50,026 The little ankle biters. 315 00:24:50,094 --> 00:24:52,101 Hey, watch it, you little punk! 316 00:24:52,174 --> 00:24:53,930 Pardon me, guv. 317 00:24:57,614 --> 00:24:59,469 You gents lost your way? 318 00:24:59,534 --> 00:25:01,901 Yeah. We're looking for my sister. 319 00:25:01,966 --> 00:25:04,617 She's staying at 32 Oxford Street. 320 00:25:04,686 --> 00:25:07,719 l know it well, guv. Me old man used to live there. 321 00:25:07,790 --> 00:25:10,660 Can you show us the way? 322 00:25:10,734 --> 00:25:14,563 Well, memory's a little dodgy. 323 00:25:14,638 --> 00:25:16,973 But l'm sure for a bob l could get you there. 324 00:25:17,038 --> 00:25:19,656 What do you take us for? Okies from Muskogee? 325 00:25:19,726 --> 00:25:21,701 Go sell your bullshit someplace else. 326 00:25:21,775 --> 00:25:23,662 We're not buying. 327 00:25:23,726 --> 00:25:25,319 Thanks for the tip, guv. 328 00:25:25,390 --> 00:25:27,562 Hey! l stole that watch from my uncle! 329 00:25:27,631 --> 00:25:28,841 What? 330 00:25:48,335 --> 00:25:49,350 This way. 331 00:25:53,199 --> 00:25:55,272 Come here, you little rubbish eater! 332 00:25:55,343 --> 00:25:58,343 What did l tell you about poaching on our turf, Charlie? 333 00:25:58,416 --> 00:26:00,456 l'm on the straight and narrow. Honest. 334 00:26:05,199 --> 00:26:07,501 What's this, then? 335 00:26:07,567 --> 00:26:08,909 After l'm through beating you... 336 00:26:08,976 --> 00:26:11,791 you're gonna wish you never ran away from the workhouse! 337 00:26:11,856 --> 00:26:13,383 Leave the boy alone. 338 00:26:14,352 --> 00:26:17,166 Bloody tourists! Get your noses out of it! 339 00:26:17,232 --> 00:26:18,955 Do whatever you want to the kid... 340 00:26:19,024 --> 00:26:20,650 but that's my watch. 341 00:26:20,720 --> 00:26:24,997 Well, there's a load of us and only two of you. 342 00:26:25,072 --> 00:26:26,795 So piss off! 343 00:26:26,865 --> 00:26:29,036 Easy, fellas. You've lost one war this way. 344 00:26:29,104 --> 00:26:30,926 Don't make the same mistake twice. 345 00:26:46,320 --> 00:26:48,208 Come on! After him! 346 00:26:54,353 --> 00:26:55,466 Hey! 347 00:27:00,689 --> 00:27:01,965 There he is! Get him! 348 00:27:02,033 --> 00:27:04,554 We've got him now. Move in, lads. 349 00:27:26,994 --> 00:27:29,744 Boys, boys, wait, wait! 350 00:27:38,706 --> 00:27:40,015 Come on! Get him! 351 00:27:40,082 --> 00:27:41,064 Up the bloody ladder! 352 00:28:11,058 --> 00:28:13,709 Hey! Hey! 353 00:28:14,515 --> 00:28:16,042 Oh! Watch it! 354 00:28:23,028 --> 00:28:24,042 Hey. 355 00:28:25,427 --> 00:28:26,954 Ah! 356 00:28:49,716 --> 00:28:51,057 Come here, you! 357 00:29:21,748 --> 00:29:22,861 Cool. 358 00:29:41,846 --> 00:29:43,023 Move it! 359 00:30:20,662 --> 00:30:21,807 You! 360 00:30:33,846 --> 00:30:36,115 Did you see that? 361 00:30:36,183 --> 00:30:37,743 lt's okay. 362 00:30:37,847 --> 00:30:38,861 Okay?! 363 00:30:38,903 --> 00:30:40,528 l call that one my kung pao chicken. 364 00:30:40,599 --> 00:30:42,257 l clotheslined the sucker. 365 00:30:44,247 --> 00:30:45,295 Come on, get back! 366 00:30:45,367 --> 00:30:47,505 Clear away! 367 00:30:47,575 --> 00:30:49,234 Make way! 368 00:31:00,568 --> 00:31:04,692 l think you gentlemen should accompany me back to the yard. 369 00:31:04,760 --> 00:31:07,248 This isn't a yard! lt's a jail! 370 00:31:07,320 --> 00:31:08,596 Roy, calm down. 371 00:31:10,487 --> 00:31:12,975 Unbelievable. 372 00:31:14,680 --> 00:31:15,923 Wait! Someone's coming! 373 00:31:15,992 --> 00:31:17,966 -Let me handle this. -l'm gonna handle it. 374 00:31:18,040 --> 00:31:19,447 The English aren't like you. 375 00:31:19,512 --> 00:31:21,617 They don't get all emotional. Touchy-feely. 376 00:31:21,688 --> 00:31:22,736 Do me a favor. 377 00:31:22,808 --> 00:31:25,175 Park the kung fu. Let me do the talking. 378 00:31:26,424 --> 00:31:30,069 Come here. Let me give you a hug. 379 00:31:30,136 --> 00:31:32,470 Ooh! 380 00:31:32,536 --> 00:31:35,885 l've been after that Fleet Street gang for two years. 381 00:31:35,960 --> 00:31:37,848 Then you two come along and bring them down 382 00:31:37,913 --> 00:31:39,702 in a single afternoon. Brilliant! 383 00:31:39,769 --> 00:31:41,329 Now, um... 384 00:31:41,401 --> 00:31:42,678 Oh, that's my watch! 385 00:31:42,745 --> 00:31:44,370 Yes. A street urchin turned it in. 386 00:31:44,440 --> 00:31:46,415 The little punk better not have scuffed it. 387 00:31:46,489 --> 00:31:49,391 -l hope your luck picks up. -What do you mean? 388 00:31:49,465 --> 00:31:52,367 l deduced from your watch that you'd hit a rough patch. 389 00:31:52,441 --> 00:31:54,034 He has. How do you know? 390 00:31:54,105 --> 00:31:56,560 lt's an investigative technique l've developed. 391 00:31:56,633 --> 00:31:59,764 l can deduce intimate details about an individual 392 00:31:59,833 --> 00:32:03,182 through a close scrutiny of their personal effects. 393 00:32:03,257 --> 00:32:05,013 What else can you tell? 394 00:32:06,714 --> 00:32:10,707 The owner of this watch is a bad gambler 395 00:32:10,777 --> 00:32:12,152 and a lousy shot. 396 00:32:12,218 --> 00:32:14,803 Although he's cheated death several times... 397 00:32:14,873 --> 00:32:18,256 he spends most of his life wandering in a rather pathetic 398 00:32:18,330 --> 00:32:21,080 and futile search for purpose and respect. 399 00:32:21,881 --> 00:32:23,190 Oh, yes. 400 00:32:23,258 --> 00:32:26,127 He has a penchant for loose women. 401 00:32:27,482 --> 00:32:29,871 Wow. That's amazing. 402 00:32:29,946 --> 00:32:31,856 l'm sure it's a very popular party trick 403 00:32:31,929 --> 00:32:33,653 at birthdays for small children... 404 00:32:33,754 --> 00:32:36,536 but it doesn't quite play with adults. 405 00:32:36,570 --> 00:32:38,032 Just to set the record straight. 406 00:32:38,106 --> 00:32:40,659 Roy O'Bannon is not attracted to loose women. 407 00:32:40,730 --> 00:32:42,388 Loose women are attracted to me. 408 00:32:42,458 --> 00:32:44,498 -You're Roy O'Bannon? -Yeah. 409 00:32:44,570 --> 00:32:46,457 The famous Western folk hero? 410 00:32:46,523 --> 00:32:47,635 Have you heard of me? 411 00:32:47,706 --> 00:32:48,983 Have l heard of you? 412 00:32:49,051 --> 00:32:52,280 l've only read "Roy O'Bannon vs. The Mummy" five times. 413 00:32:52,346 --> 00:32:53,524 lt's fascinating. 414 00:32:53,595 --> 00:32:55,253 l want you to meet the Shanghai Kid. 415 00:32:55,323 --> 00:32:56,305 Oh, yes. 416 00:32:56,379 --> 00:32:58,867 The faithful Chinese sidekick. 417 00:32:58,939 --> 00:33:02,321 l'm not a sidekick. Those stories are all lies. 418 00:33:02,395 --> 00:33:04,217 Come on, don't be bitter. 419 00:33:04,283 --> 00:33:06,672 l can't help what Sage McCallister writes. 420 00:33:06,747 --> 00:33:10,358 lf there's anything l can do, l'm at your service. 421 00:33:10,427 --> 00:33:13,275 We're looking for my sister. She's staying at this address. 422 00:33:13,339 --> 00:33:16,154 Can you take us there? 423 00:33:16,219 --> 00:33:18,074 Oh, dear. 424 00:33:18,139 --> 00:33:20,506 l think you'd better come with me. 425 00:33:45,820 --> 00:33:47,281 Lin. 426 00:33:48,028 --> 00:33:49,751 Wang. 427 00:33:55,293 --> 00:33:59,122 lf you don't mind, l'll just wait outside. 428 00:34:00,957 --> 00:34:02,844 lntroduce me. 429 00:34:02,909 --> 00:34:05,908 Oh. This is Lin, my baby sister. 430 00:34:08,188 --> 00:34:10,195 Roy O'Bannon. 431 00:34:11,549 --> 00:34:12,825 Pleasure. 432 00:34:13,692 --> 00:34:16,147 You never told me your sister was such a... 433 00:34:16,220 --> 00:34:18,195 beautiful lotus blossom. 434 00:34:24,765 --> 00:34:25,364 What'd she say? 435 00:34:26,845 --> 00:34:27,608 No, no, no. 436 00:34:27,677 --> 00:34:29,652 No talking about me in your native tongue. 437 00:34:30,653 --> 00:34:31,995 Why are you in jail? 438 00:34:32,061 --> 00:34:33,817 l followed the man who murdered Father. 439 00:34:33,885 --> 00:34:35,063 And? 440 00:34:35,133 --> 00:34:36,595 l found out where he live. 441 00:34:36,670 --> 00:34:39,419 l snuck inside his house and tried to kill him. 442 00:34:39,485 --> 00:34:41,428 lt's my duty to find Father's killer. 443 00:34:41,501 --> 00:34:44,054 No, it is mine! l'm the one who promised Father. 444 00:34:44,125 --> 00:34:45,434 But l'm his only son. 445 00:34:45,502 --> 00:34:47,771 When you abandoned us for America... 446 00:34:47,838 --> 00:34:49,431 Father said he had no son. 447 00:34:49,502 --> 00:34:50,844 What? 448 00:34:52,766 --> 00:34:54,522 Whoa. Time out. 449 00:34:54,590 --> 00:34:56,150 Time out. Come here. 450 00:34:56,222 --> 00:34:57,684 The detective's a fan. 451 00:34:57,758 --> 00:34:59,546 Why don't l play the celebrity card? 452 00:34:59,614 --> 00:35:01,207 We'll get her out that way. 453 00:35:01,278 --> 00:35:03,417 -Okay? -Okay. 454 00:35:06,494 --> 00:35:08,982 Don't worry. l'll get you out. 455 00:35:13,663 --> 00:35:15,124 Everything's gonna be okay. 456 00:35:15,198 --> 00:35:18,297 ln fact, l'm gonna give you my good-luck playing cards. 457 00:35:20,094 --> 00:35:22,331 Just ignore the naked ladies. 458 00:35:23,039 --> 00:35:24,053 Wang! 459 00:35:24,831 --> 00:35:27,831 Have you opened Father's box? 460 00:35:27,935 --> 00:35:29,461 Not yet. 461 00:35:36,287 --> 00:35:38,775 She tried to assassinate Lord Rathbone 462 00:35:38,847 --> 00:35:41,149 whilst he was taking afternoon tea. 463 00:35:41,215 --> 00:35:43,255 He's 10th in line to the throne... 464 00:35:43,328 --> 00:35:45,182 Her Majesty's favorite cousin... 465 00:35:45,248 --> 00:35:47,320 and the finest swordsman in England. 466 00:35:50,111 --> 00:35:52,184 So, of course, the press had a field day. 467 00:35:52,256 --> 00:35:55,289 The story actually knocked Jack the Ripper off the front page. 468 00:35:55,359 --> 00:35:57,083 Artie, Lin is not a killer. 469 00:35:57,152 --> 00:35:59,869 She's just a really, really, really hot... 470 00:35:59,936 --> 00:36:01,758 confused Chinese girl. 471 00:36:01,823 --> 00:36:04,955 Maybe if l agreed to sign a few autographs 472 00:36:05,024 --> 00:36:06,998 and talk to some of my fans here in England... 473 00:36:07,072 --> 00:36:10,455 do some type of charity event, can we get her out that way? 474 00:36:10,528 --> 00:36:12,383 l'm afraid that's out of the question. 475 00:36:12,448 --> 00:36:13,822 What will happen to my sister? 476 00:36:13,888 --> 00:36:16,507 She'll go to trial, probably be locked away 477 00:36:16,576 --> 00:36:19,259 in an institution for the criminally insane. 478 00:36:19,328 --> 00:36:21,914 The tabloids have already dubbed her "Loony Lin." 479 00:36:21,984 --> 00:36:23,893 l thought it was rather catchy. 480 00:36:25,600 --> 00:36:27,543 At the time. 481 00:36:43,968 --> 00:36:45,659 Do you have any notion what would happen 482 00:36:45,729 --> 00:36:47,038 if we were to be seen together? 483 00:36:47,105 --> 00:36:50,782 Since your return, l have yet to lay eyes on the lmperial Seal. 484 00:36:50,849 --> 00:36:53,980 l'm hosting a jubilee ball at my country estate tomorrow. 485 00:36:54,049 --> 00:36:56,318 Be at the stables at midnight. 486 00:36:56,897 --> 00:37:00,410 As requested, a token of my esteem. 487 00:37:07,394 --> 00:37:09,728 This is where you get out. 488 00:37:12,354 --> 00:37:14,296 l hope there will be more trust between us 489 00:37:14,370 --> 00:37:17,337 when l'm emperor and you are the new king. 490 00:37:25,538 --> 00:37:28,408 Wow. Buckingham Palace. Look at that, Chon. 491 00:37:28,482 --> 00:37:30,554 That's where the queen lives. 492 00:37:31,586 --> 00:37:33,659 Hey, look at this guy. 493 00:37:33,731 --> 00:37:36,381 He's a royal guard. He has a very important job. 494 00:37:36,451 --> 00:37:37,628 l used to be just like him. 495 00:37:37,698 --> 00:37:39,259 No, they're nothing like you. 496 00:37:39,331 --> 00:37:40,857 They're a tourist attraction. 497 00:37:40,930 --> 00:37:42,840 You can make faces at them, insult them... 498 00:37:42,915 --> 00:37:44,125 and they can't move a muscle. 499 00:37:44,194 --> 00:37:45,623 -Here. Watch this. -Roy... 500 00:37:45,699 --> 00:37:46,943 No, it's okay. 501 00:37:47,011 --> 00:37:49,400 Hey, buddy, your shoes are untied. 502 00:37:52,290 --> 00:37:55,968 That is the biggest damn beaver l have ever seen. 503 00:37:56,739 --> 00:37:57,949 Roy, stop it. 504 00:37:58,019 --> 00:37:58,913 The queen! 505 00:37:58,979 --> 00:37:59,906 Look! The queen! 506 00:37:59,971 --> 00:38:02,589 She's mooning us! 507 00:38:02,659 --> 00:38:04,219 He almost went for that. 508 00:38:04,291 --> 00:38:06,396 My friend and l just came over from America. 509 00:38:06,467 --> 00:38:09,053 You might have heard of it. We run your jerkwater country. 510 00:38:09,123 --> 00:38:12,157 Come on, you gonna take that from a colonial? 511 00:38:12,228 --> 00:38:13,242 Roy, stop it. 512 00:38:13,315 --> 00:38:16,282 l bet you are one hell of a damn poker player. 513 00:38:16,355 --> 00:38:17,500 No hard feelings. 514 00:38:17,571 --> 00:38:18,881 Huh? 515 00:38:22,147 --> 00:38:23,674 They can't do that! 516 00:38:23,748 --> 00:38:25,024 You're not allowed to do that! 517 00:38:25,092 --> 00:38:26,106 Shouldn't have touched him. 518 00:38:26,179 --> 00:38:28,121 You scram, you little punk. 519 00:38:28,196 --> 00:38:29,658 l've got friends at Scotland Yard. 520 00:38:29,731 --> 00:38:31,106 l'll give you up in a heartbeat. 521 00:38:31,172 --> 00:38:32,601 You get your watch back? 522 00:38:32,676 --> 00:38:35,010 Don't worry about my watch. Go on. 523 00:38:35,075 --> 00:38:36,188 lt's a knockoff. 524 00:38:36,260 --> 00:38:37,634 What are you talking about? 525 00:38:37,699 --> 00:38:40,350 My uncle stole this watch from President Lincoln. 526 00:38:40,420 --> 00:38:42,308 lt's a priceless family heirloom. 527 00:38:42,372 --> 00:38:44,314 Not according to the pawnbroker. 528 00:38:44,388 --> 00:38:45,730 You should not steal. 529 00:38:45,796 --> 00:38:47,901 lf l don't steal, l don't eat. 530 00:38:47,972 --> 00:38:51,834 Who showed you how to do all that kicking and punching? 531 00:38:51,908 --> 00:38:53,664 My father. 532 00:38:53,732 --> 00:38:56,667 Have you ever heard of those? They're parents. 533 00:38:56,741 --> 00:38:58,497 You don't 'cause you're a little orphan. 534 00:38:58,565 --> 00:39:01,947 Now, go on. You're cramping our style. 535 00:39:04,197 --> 00:39:06,302 Oh, this country blows. 536 00:39:06,373 --> 00:39:09,340 You need a place to stay? 537 00:39:12,837 --> 00:39:14,692 Come on in and warm your dogs. 538 00:39:14,757 --> 00:39:17,440 You can get into a lot of trouble 539 00:39:17,541 --> 00:39:19,264 breaking into a place like this. 540 00:39:19,301 --> 00:39:20,992 That being said, well done. 541 00:39:26,054 --> 00:39:27,876 You just ate the last chocolate. 542 00:39:27,941 --> 00:39:29,021 Course l did. 543 00:39:29,093 --> 00:39:31,035 You gotta look out for number one. 544 00:39:32,069 --> 00:39:33,629 l could really get used to this. 545 00:39:33,701 --> 00:39:36,003 Living the life of a country gentleman. 546 00:39:36,069 --> 00:39:37,891 Maybe doing a little painting. 547 00:39:37,958 --> 00:39:40,641 Let Lin play in the garden with the children. 548 00:39:40,709 --> 00:39:43,044 Vera, Chuck, and Dave. 549 00:39:43,110 --> 00:39:44,484 Who's Lin? 550 00:39:44,549 --> 00:39:48,030 Lin's the most beautiful woman l've ever met. 551 00:39:48,102 --> 00:39:51,168 She's gonna be the savior of the house of O'Bannon. 552 00:39:51,238 --> 00:39:53,921 Chon, check out the threads. 553 00:39:53,990 --> 00:39:56,773 All l'm missing is the loyal hound curled at my feet. 554 00:39:56,838 --> 00:39:59,172 We are wasting time. We must find Rathbone. 555 00:39:59,238 --> 00:40:00,482 What do you think l've been doing? 556 00:40:00,550 --> 00:40:02,460 Sitting here drinking expensive hooch? 557 00:40:02,535 --> 00:40:03,483 Refill. 558 00:40:03,558 --> 00:40:05,762 l've been working on a plan. 559 00:40:05,830 --> 00:40:09,889 Now -- Whoa. Don't slosh the brandy. 560 00:40:09,959 --> 00:40:12,228 -lt messes with the bouquet. -Sod off. 561 00:40:12,294 --> 00:40:14,204 l'm trying to teach you a skill set. 562 00:40:14,310 --> 00:40:15,772 Help get you off the street. 563 00:40:15,815 --> 00:40:17,724 -Bartenders make big bucks. -Roy! 564 00:40:17,798 --> 00:40:19,424 The plan. 565 00:40:19,495 --> 00:40:21,153 Thank you, Chon. 566 00:40:21,223 --> 00:40:23,296 lf we find the seal... 567 00:40:23,367 --> 00:40:26,269 we can prove Rathbone killed your dad. 568 00:40:28,391 --> 00:40:30,944 lt's the old Hail Mary play. 569 00:40:31,015 --> 00:40:33,219 l also have a version where we dig a tunnel. 570 00:40:35,271 --> 00:40:36,165 Hey! 571 00:40:36,231 --> 00:40:38,337 Bloody catapult. Jesus Christ! 572 00:40:38,408 --> 00:40:40,546 -You don't need a catapult! -Who asked you? 573 00:40:40,615 --> 00:40:42,623 You don't interrupt grown-ups when they're talking. 574 00:40:42,696 --> 00:40:45,478 "Lord Nelson Rathbone requests the pleasure of your company 575 00:40:45,543 --> 00:40:46,590 at the jubilee ball 576 00:40:46,663 --> 00:40:50,308 in honor of Her Majesty's 50th year on the throne." 577 00:40:50,376 --> 00:40:51,750 Sounds good. 578 00:40:51,815 --> 00:40:53,703 lt doesn't address security. 579 00:40:53,768 --> 00:40:55,361 They're not gonna let Chon and l 580 00:40:55,432 --> 00:40:56,806 waltz into the castle. 581 00:40:56,872 --> 00:40:59,238 All you need is a proper disguise. 582 00:41:00,936 --> 00:41:03,424 l do like a good disguise. 583 00:41:26,824 --> 00:41:28,286 l look like a fool. 584 00:41:28,361 --> 00:41:31,143 What?! You're a maharaja. That's lndian royalty. 585 00:41:31,209 --> 00:41:34,275 -But l'm Chinese. -lt's the same thing. 586 00:41:34,344 --> 00:41:36,352 Bob your head a little bit. 587 00:41:36,424 --> 00:41:39,043 Gives you more of a lndia-royalty flavor. 588 00:41:39,113 --> 00:41:41,960 That's good. Good show, good show. 589 00:41:42,024 --> 00:41:43,170 Good show, good show. 590 00:41:43,240 --> 00:41:45,662 -Cheerio, cheerio. -Cheerio, cheerio. 591 00:41:45,737 --> 00:41:47,395 What do we do when we see Rathbone? 592 00:41:47,465 --> 00:41:48,359 Kill him. 593 00:41:48,425 --> 00:41:50,280 No, okay? No! 594 00:41:50,345 --> 00:41:53,029 You're gonna be civil, 'cause we don't have the seal. 595 00:41:53,097 --> 00:41:57,799 No seal. No Lin. No family honor. Okay? 596 00:41:57,865 --> 00:42:00,167 Be cool. Okay, we look great. 597 00:42:00,233 --> 00:42:01,662 Let's enjoy this party. 598 00:42:04,617 --> 00:42:06,690 -Whoa. What are you doing? -l'm going inside. 599 00:42:06,762 --> 00:42:09,282 -The place is haunted. -You're the harness man. 600 00:42:09,386 --> 00:42:10,662 You get back at the carriage. 601 00:42:10,698 --> 00:42:12,803 You wait in case we need to make a quick getaway. 602 00:42:12,874 --> 00:42:13,856 Go on. Man your post. 603 00:42:13,930 --> 00:42:15,424 You don't always get what you want. 604 00:42:15,498 --> 00:42:17,832 Why are you so mean to that boy? 605 00:42:17,898 --> 00:42:20,451 l see a lot of myself in that kid. 606 00:42:20,522 --> 00:42:22,627 lt's kind of freaking me out. Come on. 607 00:42:32,714 --> 00:42:34,307 Your name, please, sir. 608 00:42:36,298 --> 00:42:39,332 So l can announce you. 609 00:42:47,466 --> 00:42:50,783 Sherlock...Holmes. 610 00:42:50,859 --> 00:42:52,615 Sherlock Holmes. 611 00:42:54,123 --> 00:42:57,058 Which province do you represent, Your Highness? 612 00:42:59,851 --> 00:43:02,436 Nevada. 613 00:43:21,388 --> 00:43:25,185 May l present Major General Sherlock Holmes 614 00:43:25,259 --> 00:43:29,089 and His Highness, the maharaja of Nevada. 615 00:43:41,644 --> 00:43:44,491 How are the security arrangements? 616 00:43:44,556 --> 00:43:47,589 Oh, everything seems to be going swimmingly, my Lord. 617 00:43:47,660 --> 00:43:48,805 And if l may say so... 618 00:43:48,876 --> 00:43:51,397 it is an honor to guard Your Lordship tonight. 619 00:43:51,469 --> 00:43:53,803 l speak for all of us at Scotland Yard 620 00:43:53,868 --> 00:43:56,716 when l say that no matter how far you are from the throne... 621 00:43:56,781 --> 00:43:59,301 you'll always be number one in our hearts. 622 00:44:04,941 --> 00:44:06,664 Okay, here's the plan. 623 00:44:06,733 --> 00:44:08,162 We're gonna get a little chow. 624 00:44:08,237 --> 00:44:09,895 Then we're gonna sneak out of here. 625 00:44:09,965 --> 00:44:12,300 -Start looking for that seal. -Okay. 626 00:44:12,365 --> 00:44:14,405 -Spotted Dick, sir? -What? 627 00:44:14,477 --> 00:44:16,135 Spotted Dick. 628 00:44:18,413 --> 00:44:19,590 Can you believe this guy? 629 00:44:19,661 --> 00:44:20,709 l'm trying to get something to eat. 630 00:44:20,782 --> 00:44:22,570 He's asking me if l got the clap. 631 00:44:22,637 --> 00:44:25,452 l think he's offering you food. 632 00:44:26,478 --> 00:44:28,387 Oh. Spotted Dick. 633 00:44:28,462 --> 00:44:29,869 Oh, no. l think l'll pass. 634 00:44:29,933 --> 00:44:31,307 l'm not really a dessert man. 635 00:44:31,374 --> 00:44:34,538 Perhaps my friend might like some Spotted Dick. 636 00:44:36,494 --> 00:44:38,349 l might try one of these sausages. 637 00:44:38,414 --> 00:44:40,105 A little smoky Joe. 638 00:44:42,382 --> 00:44:44,837 Mmm! This is good! 639 00:44:44,910 --> 00:44:46,917 l thought the food here was supposed to suck. 640 00:44:46,990 --> 00:44:49,095 The haggis is fresh from Scotland, sir. 641 00:44:49,166 --> 00:44:51,784 lt's made from the finest sheeps' bladders. 642 00:44:56,078 --> 00:44:58,696 l'm gonna get some whiskey and wash my mouth out. 643 00:45:03,823 --> 00:45:05,416 You should try the quail. 644 00:45:07,759 --> 00:45:09,766 l shot them myself this morning. 645 00:45:10,479 --> 00:45:12,715 How do you do, Your Lordship? 646 00:45:12,782 --> 00:45:15,400 Very well, thank you. 647 00:45:15,470 --> 00:45:18,667 l'm not acquainted with the Nevada province. 648 00:45:21,679 --> 00:45:24,166 But l haven't been to lndia since '81. 649 00:45:24,239 --> 00:45:26,574 l spent most of my time in the Orient. 650 00:45:26,639 --> 00:45:29,127 l hear you've just returned from China. 651 00:45:29,199 --> 00:45:32,199 You are well-informed, maharaja. 652 00:45:32,271 --> 00:45:34,410 lt is my dream that the Chinese people 653 00:45:34,479 --> 00:45:37,676 will follow lndia's example and one day embrace British rule. 654 00:45:37,743 --> 00:45:39,237 The Chinese are very proud. 655 00:45:39,311 --> 00:45:42,627 They place family and honor above all else. 656 00:45:42,703 --> 00:45:45,999 Well, l'm sure we can break them of that. 657 00:45:50,000 --> 00:45:52,334 lf you'll excuse me, l have a matter to attend to. 658 00:45:52,399 --> 00:45:54,636 Until we meet again. 659 00:45:59,696 --> 00:46:02,478 Patience. l'm proud of you, Chon. 660 00:46:02,544 --> 00:46:04,933 We must find the seal. 661 00:46:07,312 --> 00:46:08,522 What do you see? 662 00:46:08,592 --> 00:46:10,480 Shh, shh, shh! 663 00:46:13,712 --> 00:46:17,127 He just pulled a fancy dragon key out of his desk. 664 00:46:17,200 --> 00:46:18,607 That was my father's! 665 00:46:18,672 --> 00:46:20,101 l must avenge his honor. 666 00:46:20,177 --> 00:46:22,479 Hey, slow down, tiger. Slow down. 667 00:46:22,545 --> 00:46:24,912 Quit going all Chinese on me. 668 00:46:28,657 --> 00:46:29,704 Where is he? 669 00:46:29,777 --> 00:46:32,363 Damn it. Remember your puzzle box. Patience. 670 00:46:33,520 --> 00:46:35,659 Okay, there are no windows. 671 00:46:35,729 --> 00:46:37,671 We just came in through the only doorway. 672 00:46:37,745 --> 00:46:39,338 That leaves one explanation. 673 00:46:39,409 --> 00:46:41,100 Remember in "Roy O'Bannon vs. The Mummy" 674 00:46:41,169 --> 00:46:42,281 how the zombie king got away 675 00:46:42,353 --> 00:46:44,109 when l chased him into the pharaoh's tomb? 676 00:46:44,177 --> 00:46:46,796 There's a secret passageway behind the sphinx. 677 00:46:46,865 --> 00:46:50,094 There's gotta be a lever or a button over here. 678 00:46:50,161 --> 00:46:52,103 Help me lift some stuff up. 679 00:47:05,457 --> 00:47:06,406 Roy! 680 00:47:06,482 --> 00:47:08,751 The painting. lt's looking at me. 681 00:47:08,818 --> 00:47:10,028 -Look! -Oh, yeah. 682 00:47:10,098 --> 00:47:12,105 Looks like it's looking at me. That's great. 683 00:47:12,177 --> 00:47:14,250 No, real eyes. Moving! 684 00:47:14,322 --> 00:47:16,591 That kid got to you, didn't he? 685 00:47:16,658 --> 00:47:18,830 Unbelievable! We're not in a haunted house. 686 00:47:18,898 --> 00:47:20,872 That's a technique that an artist uses. 687 00:47:20,946 --> 00:47:23,816 "Ubiquitous gaze" or "pursuant eyes" is the technical term. 688 00:47:23,891 --> 00:47:26,760 lt's unnerving, though. l'll give you that. 689 00:47:30,707 --> 00:47:34,481 Roy. Now, those eyes. Look! 690 00:47:34,547 --> 00:47:35,921 Whatever you say, Chon. 691 00:47:40,851 --> 00:47:43,534 Let's see what you got here, Rathbone. 692 00:47:48,691 --> 00:47:49,836 Roy! 693 00:47:52,115 --> 00:47:54,984 What, Chon? Are the statues moving now? 694 00:48:01,779 --> 00:48:03,208 Wow. 695 00:48:29,172 --> 00:48:30,579 Mm-mmm! 696 00:48:31,380 --> 00:48:32,143 Roy! 697 00:48:32,852 --> 00:48:36,878 l can't hear myself think with you shouting at me. 698 00:48:38,036 --> 00:48:39,083 Chon? 699 00:48:41,076 --> 00:48:44,110 Chon? Chon? 700 00:48:45,364 --> 00:48:46,575 This is ridiculous. 701 00:48:46,645 --> 00:48:49,165 lf you want to act like a child and play games... 702 00:48:49,236 --> 00:48:50,643 then find someone else... 703 00:48:50,708 --> 00:48:52,050 'cause l take this stuff seriously. 704 00:48:52,149 --> 00:48:54,800 l'm here to work. l'm on a mission. 705 00:48:56,628 --> 00:48:57,676 Chon? 706 00:48:59,285 --> 00:49:00,430 Okay, Chon. 707 00:49:00,501 --> 00:49:03,436 Okay, you little Chinese otter. 708 00:49:03,509 --> 00:49:04,785 Let's play. 709 00:49:06,965 --> 00:49:07,947 Ha! 710 00:49:19,861 --> 00:49:20,941 Chon, demons! 711 00:49:39,061 --> 00:49:41,811 She's gonna fight my battles for me. 712 00:49:41,878 --> 00:49:44,496 Come on. Let's go. 713 00:49:45,590 --> 00:49:48,011 What? What are you doing? 714 00:49:48,086 --> 00:49:50,541 lt's kinky. l like it. 715 00:49:57,206 --> 00:49:59,694 Wow! Look at this. 716 00:51:06,265 --> 00:51:08,654 Wait. There's something different about this room. 717 00:51:21,432 --> 00:51:22,414 Hey. 718 00:51:50,188 --> 00:51:52,614 Let's go! 719 00:51:52,998 --> 00:51:54,820 -Wang! -Chon, for God's sakes. 720 00:51:54,820 --> 00:51:56,997 -Now he shows up. -l found it. 721 00:51:56,997 --> 00:51:58,887 Wait. Do you want to hear? 722 00:51:59,721 --> 00:52:01,342 The seal's gone. 723 00:52:33,835 --> 00:52:34,852 Lin. 724 00:52:36,492 --> 00:52:37,537 Roy! 725 00:52:38,343 --> 00:52:40,414 Are we gonna come back? 726 00:52:40,414 --> 00:52:41,373 Roy! 727 00:52:51,367 --> 00:52:53,793 Must you keep doing that? 728 00:52:53,793 --> 00:52:56,901 l was taught not to be seen or heard. 729 00:52:58,310 --> 00:52:59,394 The seal. 730 00:52:59,394 --> 00:53:01,120 l am a man of my word. 731 00:53:04,583 --> 00:53:07,201 l remember watching my brother play with this 732 00:53:07,201 --> 00:53:08,678 like a baby rattle. 733 00:53:10,510 --> 00:53:14,816 When l'd try to touch it, the dowager empress beat me. 734 00:53:15,813 --> 00:53:17,760 No doubt your deprived childhood 735 00:53:17,760 --> 00:53:20,139 made you into the man you are today. 736 00:53:20,139 --> 00:53:22,114 Wu Chow. 737 00:53:22,114 --> 00:53:23,716 Wu who? 738 00:53:23,716 --> 00:53:25,989 He is the emperor's bastard brother. 739 00:53:25,989 --> 00:53:28,396 He was banished from the Forbidden City 740 00:53:28,396 --> 00:53:30,219 for trying to steal the lmperial Seal. 741 00:53:30,219 --> 00:53:31,772 Our father caught him. 742 00:53:31,772 --> 00:53:35,033 He vowed to return to claim the emperor's throne. 743 00:53:35,033 --> 00:53:37,124 This guy? 744 00:53:37,124 --> 00:53:39,617 l'll assume everything has been arranged as discussed. 745 00:53:39,617 --> 00:53:42,475 You have nothing to worry about. lt's all in place. 746 00:53:42,475 --> 00:53:45,477 That diamond is as big as a damn monkey's paw. 747 00:53:45,477 --> 00:53:47,012 -Look at that. -Roy. 748 00:53:47,012 --> 00:53:48,642 Don't even think about it. 749 00:53:48,642 --> 00:53:51,337 l'm just admiring the craftsmanship, Chon. 750 00:53:51,337 --> 00:53:54,636 So for now, our business is completed. 751 00:54:02,031 --> 00:54:04,035 Where's Lin?! 752 00:54:16,973 --> 00:54:17,990 Hey! Hey! 753 00:54:22,823 --> 00:54:24,166 Gotcha! 754 00:54:25,768 --> 00:54:28,300 Just looking out for number one. 755 00:54:28,300 --> 00:54:28,971 No! 756 00:54:29,671 --> 00:54:31,081 The kid got the seal! 757 00:54:47,212 --> 00:54:48,488 Chon! 758 00:54:57,292 --> 00:54:58,405 lt's stuck. 759 00:55:07,535 --> 00:55:08,235 Lin! 760 00:55:20,080 --> 00:55:22,084 Go! You can do it! 761 00:55:22,084 --> 00:55:25,383 She's got it. 762 00:55:25,383 --> 00:55:26,467 She's got it! 763 00:55:26,467 --> 00:55:28,874 Roy! Come on! 764 00:55:28,874 --> 00:55:31,272 Chon, what in our history together 765 00:55:31,272 --> 00:55:33,708 makes you think l'm capable of something like that? 766 00:55:33,708 --> 00:55:36,029 -Roy! -l can't do that! 767 00:55:36,029 --> 00:55:36,422 Hurry up! 768 00:55:36,422 --> 00:55:38,925 Wait. 769 00:55:38,925 --> 00:55:39,875 There's a better way. 770 00:55:49,926 --> 00:55:51,048 Slow down! 771 00:55:51,048 --> 00:55:52,582 l'm a bat out of hell! 772 00:55:52,582 --> 00:55:54,213 Yee-haw! 773 00:55:54,213 --> 00:55:55,594 Besides, l don't know where the brake is. 774 00:55:55,594 --> 00:55:56,611 What?! 775 00:56:00,351 --> 00:56:01,933 Look out! 776 00:56:22,889 --> 00:56:24,519 So, what now, buddy? 777 00:56:24,519 --> 00:56:27,857 Relax, relax. Smooth sailing from here. 778 00:56:36,719 --> 00:56:39,749 Yes, these are the men who attacked me. 779 00:56:39,749 --> 00:56:43,883 l'm afraid the assailants have temporarily eluded us, my Lord. 780 00:56:43,883 --> 00:56:45,811 Perhaps you could explain to me 781 00:56:45,811 --> 00:56:48,803 how Loony Lin managed to escape 782 00:56:48,803 --> 00:56:51,431 from the confines of Scotland Yard under the watch 783 00:56:51,431 --> 00:56:55,756 of the most respected police force in the world. 784 00:56:55,756 --> 00:56:58,825 Yes, of course. lt's absolutely fascinating. 785 00:56:58,825 --> 00:57:00,906 She picked the lock 786 00:57:00,906 --> 00:57:04,234 using a deck of rather risque playing cards. 787 00:57:04,234 --> 00:57:08,397 Then scaled the walls with a mop, a fork... 788 00:57:08,397 --> 00:57:10,794 and various pilfered undergarments. 789 00:57:10,794 --> 00:57:12,454 You've got to hand it to the Chinese. 790 00:57:12,454 --> 00:57:15,503 They're awfully ingenious, Lord, aren't they? 791 00:57:16,271 --> 00:57:18,572 Does your incompetence know no bounds?! 792 00:57:46,788 --> 00:57:48,649 Where am l? 793 00:57:49,742 --> 00:57:50,701 Lin! 794 00:57:51,958 --> 00:57:54,029 l don't even know these women. 795 00:57:57,108 --> 00:58:00,714 Lin, what are you doing here? 796 00:58:00,714 --> 00:58:02,440 Oh, Lord. 797 00:58:02,440 --> 00:58:05,260 Do you want to try the position on page 37? 798 00:58:10,093 --> 00:58:12,338 Come here, you little minx. 799 00:58:14,122 --> 00:58:16,021 What? 800 00:58:28,114 --> 00:58:29,965 -You okay? -No, l'm not okay. 801 00:58:29,965 --> 00:58:32,305 l've just been violated by a barnyard animal. 802 00:58:36,372 --> 00:58:39,690 Who would leave a pile of stones in the middle of the field? 803 00:58:39,690 --> 00:58:42,702 l don't know, Chon. These people are nuts. 804 00:58:44,275 --> 00:58:45,550 Come on. 805 00:58:48,878 --> 00:58:52,743 -Can l tell you something? -What? 806 00:58:52,743 --> 00:58:55,055 This is a hell of a damn adventure we're on. 807 00:58:55,055 --> 00:58:57,260 l'm having an absolute ball with you. 808 00:58:59,668 --> 00:59:00,943 Me too. 809 00:59:05,556 --> 00:59:07,311 Here we go. 810 00:59:07,311 --> 00:59:09,536 Get your thumb out, maharaja. 811 00:59:09,536 --> 00:59:10,630 -Why? -Get over here. 812 00:59:11,666 --> 00:59:13,296 Excuse me! 813 00:59:15,061 --> 00:59:16,432 -Lin! -Lin! 814 00:59:24,181 --> 00:59:26,569 My shoulder's getting a little tight. 815 00:59:27,701 --> 00:59:30,118 This is your first time in England, isn't it? 816 00:59:31,058 --> 00:59:33,878 How do you know your way around? lt's incredible. 817 00:59:33,878 --> 00:59:36,275 l always had a good sense of direction. 818 00:59:36,275 --> 00:59:38,126 You can say that again. 819 00:59:38,126 --> 00:59:41,397 l wish we could say the same about you-know-who. 820 00:59:41,397 --> 00:59:43,085 l once sent him over a mountain range. 821 00:59:43,085 --> 00:59:44,494 He was lost forever. 822 00:59:45,741 --> 00:59:48,072 One time, l sent him over the Great Wall. 823 00:59:48,072 --> 00:59:51,726 -He was lost for three days. -Three days?! 824 00:59:53,203 --> 00:59:55,955 Oh, gosh, we got a lot in common. 825 00:59:55,955 --> 00:59:58,353 l've never met anybody like you, Roy. 826 00:59:58,353 --> 01:00:00,175 -Really? -Yeah. 827 01:00:01,048 --> 01:00:05,421 Hey, can l tell you something without you getting offended? 828 01:00:05,421 --> 01:00:06,093 What? 829 01:00:06,093 --> 01:00:09,162 You have a great body. 830 01:00:09,162 --> 01:00:12,048 There. l said it. lt's out in the open. 831 01:00:14,293 --> 01:00:16,777 -You must work out. -Me? 832 01:00:16,777 --> 01:00:17,966 Excuse me. 833 01:00:19,961 --> 01:00:22,416 Chon, what are you doing? 834 01:00:22,416 --> 01:00:24,785 l don't like the backseat. 835 01:00:24,785 --> 01:00:28,017 Makes me sick. Dizzy. 836 01:00:34,165 --> 01:00:36,332 Whitechapel. 837 01:00:36,332 --> 01:00:38,739 This looks like a nice enough neighborhood. 838 01:00:41,818 --> 01:00:44,273 -What is Puss 'n' Boots? -lt's a boardinghouse. 839 01:00:44,273 --> 01:00:47,572 Some of the sailors on the ship coming over recommended it. 840 01:00:51,946 --> 01:00:54,286 Come on. Come on! 841 01:01:02,169 --> 01:01:03,828 l won't let my sister stay here. 842 01:01:03,828 --> 01:01:05,938 What are we supposed to do? Check in to the Savoy? 843 01:01:05,938 --> 01:01:07,761 We'll get arrested before we get to our room. 844 01:01:07,761 --> 01:01:09,420 l don't mind this place. 845 01:01:13,237 --> 01:01:16,949 See? She's a little open-minded. 846 01:01:17,524 --> 01:01:19,385 l know this sounds crazy 'cause l just met her... 847 01:01:19,385 --> 01:01:22,127 but l think l'm falling for her. 848 01:01:22,127 --> 01:01:23,528 l think she's the one. 849 01:01:23,528 --> 01:01:25,101 Roy, she's my baby sister. 850 01:01:25,101 --> 01:01:27,153 l know she is. Thank God! 851 01:01:27,153 --> 01:01:28,563 That's the only chance l've got. 852 01:01:28,563 --> 01:01:30,519 l'm getting ready to launch a little thing 853 01:01:30,519 --> 01:01:32,274 called "Operation: Sweep Her Off Her Feet." 854 01:01:32,274 --> 01:01:34,317 You're in a position to talk me up. 855 01:01:34,317 --> 01:01:35,669 Can l count on you? 856 01:01:35,669 --> 01:01:37,712 Please, buddy, l've never asked you for anything. 857 01:01:37,712 --> 01:01:40,052 Sure, Roy. l'll tell her the truth. 858 01:01:40,052 --> 01:01:41,424 Don't get hung up on the truth. 859 01:01:41,424 --> 01:01:43,946 Feel free to smooth out your old pal's rough edges. 860 01:01:45,941 --> 01:01:47,955 l love you, buddy. 861 01:01:51,513 --> 01:01:54,525 Lin. Come. 862 01:01:58,678 --> 01:01:59,924 Sit. 863 01:02:24,601 --> 01:02:25,848 Hello, love. 864 01:02:25,848 --> 01:02:27,258 Fancy a tumble? 865 01:02:27,258 --> 01:02:30,384 Oh! Where were you two days ago? 866 01:02:30,384 --> 01:02:32,561 l would have bedded you in a second. 867 01:02:32,561 --> 01:02:34,192 Now you're looking at a changed man. 868 01:02:34,192 --> 01:02:37,136 l'm sort of saving myself for someone special. 869 01:02:37,136 --> 01:02:38,997 l'll give you a discount. 870 01:02:40,378 --> 01:02:44,348 That's the most romantic thing any woman's ever said to me. 871 01:02:44,348 --> 01:02:46,516 You better go. 872 01:02:46,516 --> 01:02:48,626 You better go before we lose control. Go! 873 01:02:48,626 --> 01:02:50,774 lf you change your mind... 874 01:02:50,774 --> 01:02:51,858 Roy! 875 01:02:59,962 --> 01:03:03,654 Our father would talk about the right man for you. 876 01:03:03,654 --> 01:03:06,906 He must be strong, courageous... 877 01:03:06,906 --> 01:03:08,593 and a good father. 878 01:03:08,593 --> 01:03:10,934 -Like Roy. -We got her, Chon. 879 01:03:10,934 --> 01:03:12,689 Not like Roy. 880 01:03:12,689 --> 01:03:14,453 You don't know him like l do. 881 01:03:14,453 --> 01:03:17,302 He has many bad habits. 882 01:03:17,302 --> 01:03:18,645 Such as? 883 01:03:18,645 --> 01:03:22,164 He drinks, smokes, and he gambles. 884 01:03:22,164 --> 01:03:23,756 Chon, where are you going with this? 885 01:03:23,756 --> 01:03:25,684 He sleeps with women for money. 886 01:03:25,684 --> 01:03:26,960 What are you -- 887 01:03:26,960 --> 01:03:30,805 Roy don't do that. l can see inside him. 888 01:03:30,805 --> 01:03:32,215 He has a good heart. 889 01:03:32,215 --> 01:03:33,328 That's right. 890 01:03:33,328 --> 01:03:36,665 His salmon don't swim upstream. 891 01:03:36,665 --> 01:03:37,970 He shoots blanks. 892 01:03:39,322 --> 01:03:41,653 Lin, he cannot be trusted. 893 01:03:41,653 --> 01:03:45,067 How could you say that? You're his friend. 894 01:03:45,067 --> 01:03:47,512 Yeah, sort of. 895 01:03:47,512 --> 01:03:48,951 Roy is the type of a friend 896 01:03:48,951 --> 01:03:51,253 you'd never introduce to your other friends 897 01:03:51,253 --> 01:03:53,363 or bring home to your family. 898 01:03:53,363 --> 01:03:55,703 He never speak the truth. You know what l call him? 899 01:03:55,703 --> 01:03:58,523 Not Roy O'Bannon. Roy O'Baloney. 900 01:04:00,028 --> 01:04:01,745 l don't care. 901 01:04:01,745 --> 01:04:03,701 Lin, l forbid it. 902 01:04:04,728 --> 01:04:06,636 You are not my father. 903 01:04:16,438 --> 01:04:18,999 Roy, there you are. 904 01:04:18,999 --> 01:04:21,492 -Hi. -Mm-hmm. 905 01:04:21,492 --> 01:04:24,532 You need anything, buddy? 906 01:04:24,532 --> 01:04:28,206 A whole lot of "leave me alone." 907 01:04:30,047 --> 01:04:31,323 What's wrong? 908 01:04:33,567 --> 01:04:34,459 Nothing. 909 01:04:34,459 --> 01:04:36,377 l woke up on the wrong side of the bed. 910 01:04:36,377 --> 01:04:39,475 l feel a little pain in my back like someone put a knife there. 911 01:04:39,475 --> 01:04:41,239 l'm okay. 912 01:04:41,239 --> 01:04:43,062 Don't worry about me. 913 01:04:51,933 --> 01:04:52,892 Roy! 914 01:04:57,754 --> 01:04:59,510 Ta-da! 915 01:04:59,510 --> 01:05:01,754 That actually reminds me of a trick. 916 01:05:01,754 --> 01:05:03,729 You ever seen this one?! 917 01:05:03,729 --> 01:05:04,852 Or this one?! 918 01:05:06,079 --> 01:05:08,438 You think you're so cool with your karate 919 01:05:08,438 --> 01:05:10,999 and your childlike reflexes. 920 01:05:13,378 --> 01:05:14,653 Roy, you okay? 921 01:05:15,325 --> 01:05:17,329 Look at you. 922 01:05:17,329 --> 01:05:20,187 Do you really call me Roy Baloney? 923 01:05:23,294 --> 01:05:24,819 Roy, you don't understand. 924 01:05:24,819 --> 01:05:27,639 You just smashed my puzzle box. 925 01:05:28,636 --> 01:05:30,641 l'll never figure out my message. 926 01:05:30,641 --> 01:05:32,473 -Roy... -Go. 927 01:05:34,429 --> 01:05:36,156 You're dead to me. 928 01:05:36,156 --> 01:05:38,985 l don't know a Chon Wang. 929 01:05:52,249 --> 01:05:53,438 What? 930 01:05:53,438 --> 01:05:55,126 Hi, Roy. 931 01:05:56,162 --> 01:05:57,850 Who loves you, baby? 932 01:05:57,850 --> 01:06:00,468 -Nice try, Chon. -Roy... 933 01:06:00,468 --> 01:06:02,137 l'm sorry. 934 01:06:07,133 --> 01:06:09,886 You do that again, and you're a dead man. 935 01:06:20,186 --> 01:06:21,241 Pillow fight! 936 01:06:47,712 --> 01:06:49,332 l am Roy Baloney! 937 01:06:49,332 --> 01:06:50,359 Yes! 938 01:06:50,359 --> 01:06:51,557 l'm full of it! 939 01:06:51,557 --> 01:06:52,699 You are! 940 01:07:18,910 --> 01:07:20,540 Roy? 941 01:07:20,540 --> 01:07:24,089 -Roy? 942 01:07:26,141 --> 01:07:27,043 Lin! 943 01:07:31,781 --> 01:07:34,274 lt was his idea. 944 01:07:34,821 --> 01:07:36,125 -Chon! -Clothes! 945 01:08:07,333 --> 01:08:08,983 Nice night for a walk. 946 01:08:17,413 --> 01:08:18,334 Lin! 947 01:08:18,334 --> 01:08:19,811 -Lin! -There you are! 948 01:08:19,811 --> 01:08:20,827 What are you doing? 949 01:08:20,827 --> 01:08:23,628 Don't you know there's a serial killer on the loose? 950 01:08:23,628 --> 01:08:25,210 Forget it. 951 01:08:32,835 --> 01:08:34,619 Who the hell are these guys? 952 01:08:34,619 --> 01:08:35,587 Boxers. 953 01:08:35,587 --> 01:08:37,026 What do they want with us? 954 01:08:37,026 --> 01:08:39,232 They're with me. 955 01:08:41,639 --> 01:08:44,833 l think we need to have a little chat. 956 01:08:53,953 --> 01:08:55,996 Chon Wang -- 957 01:08:55,996 --> 01:08:58,720 the man who can fight an emperor. 958 01:08:58,720 --> 01:09:01,338 The emperor should never have his burial knife. 959 01:09:01,338 --> 01:09:03,007 l see. 960 01:09:03,007 --> 01:09:05,414 You're still my brother's lapdog. 961 01:09:05,414 --> 01:09:07,227 l'm here not for him. 962 01:09:08,100 --> 01:09:10,008 l'm here for my father. 963 01:09:10,008 --> 01:09:11,869 Of course you are. 964 01:09:14,880 --> 01:09:18,295 lt was my dagger that plunged into his heart. 965 01:09:18,295 --> 01:09:20,280 lt's still crusted with his blood. 966 01:09:24,931 --> 01:09:27,204 l know the boy has the seal. 967 01:09:27,204 --> 01:09:28,384 Where is he? 968 01:09:28,384 --> 01:09:29,497 We don't know. 969 01:09:29,497 --> 01:09:31,395 That's the truth -- we don't know. 970 01:09:31,395 --> 01:09:33,218 Mmm... 971 01:09:34,177 --> 01:09:36,546 What are you -- What are you doing? 972 01:09:40,296 --> 01:09:41,849 Stop! Put her down! 973 01:09:42,885 --> 01:09:44,343 Put her down! Put her down! 974 01:09:44,343 --> 01:09:46,108 Or what, Mr. O'Bannon? 975 01:09:46,108 --> 01:09:48,448 Are you gonna kick my ass? 976 01:09:48,448 --> 01:09:51,651 l've read all about your ridiculous exploits. 977 01:09:51,651 --> 01:09:53,090 l mean, just... 978 01:09:53,090 --> 01:09:57,252 how does it feel to kill a mummy with your bare hands? 979 01:09:57,252 --> 01:10:00,167 Only a nation of uneducated rednecks 980 01:10:00,167 --> 01:10:02,018 would be amused by such cowboy drivel. 981 01:10:02,018 --> 01:10:04,061 Whoa, whoa, whoa. Easy. 982 01:10:04,061 --> 01:10:06,305 What's with the personal attacks? 983 01:10:06,305 --> 01:10:08,262 You don't see me making any comments 984 01:10:08,262 --> 01:10:11,331 about your pasty complexion or your snotty accent 985 01:10:11,331 --> 01:10:14,295 or even your filthy, smutty sex books. 986 01:10:14,295 --> 01:10:16,280 Yeah, l saw your book. lt disgusted me. 987 01:10:18,793 --> 01:10:21,123 Oh, why is it always the head with you people?! 988 01:10:22,725 --> 01:10:26,014 Hold it! Stop! Hold it! 989 01:10:26,014 --> 01:10:26,427 Just hold it! 990 01:10:26,427 --> 01:10:29,314 What are we doing here? Guys, look at this. 991 01:10:29,314 --> 01:10:31,932 We're acting like animals... over what? 992 01:10:31,932 --> 01:10:33,179 Some seal? 993 01:10:33,179 --> 01:10:35,710 The seal represents imperial power. 994 01:10:36,420 --> 01:10:39,038 l will use it to unite the emperor's enemies 995 01:10:39,038 --> 01:10:41,954 and storm the Forbidden City. 996 01:10:41,954 --> 01:10:43,393 What's in it for you? 997 01:10:43,393 --> 01:10:45,598 You're looking at the future king of England. 998 01:10:45,598 --> 01:10:47,488 You're, like, 20th in line to the throne. 999 01:10:47,488 --> 01:10:48,773 10th. 1000 01:10:48,773 --> 01:10:50,873 But my friend is about to change all that 1001 01:10:50,873 --> 01:10:54,182 by simple... process of elimination. 1002 01:10:58,181 --> 01:11:00,157 lt's called a machine gun. 1003 01:11:00,157 --> 01:11:03,399 The first of its kind -- it fires 200 rounds a minute. 1004 01:11:03,399 --> 01:11:05,662 Testament to British ingenuity. 1005 01:11:05,662 --> 01:11:09,000 Oh, so you steal the seal, 1006 01:11:09,000 --> 01:11:10,525 and then you knock off nine royals? 1007 01:11:12,203 --> 01:11:14,687 You got the short end of that stick, my friend. 1008 01:11:18,533 --> 01:11:20,000 Dump them in the river. 1009 01:11:21,803 --> 01:11:23,175 Where are you taking her? 1010 01:11:23,175 --> 01:11:25,026 To make history. 1011 01:11:25,026 --> 01:11:27,203 l can already see the headlines -- 1012 01:11:27,203 --> 01:11:31,269 "Nation mourns as Loony Lin massacres royal family." 1013 01:11:44,648 --> 01:11:48,839 l need your assurance that you will find the seal. 1014 01:11:48,839 --> 01:11:50,499 Don't concern yourself. 1015 01:11:50,499 --> 01:11:52,474 My men are scouring the city. 1016 01:11:52,474 --> 01:11:57,404 You better pray they find it... or our agreement is over, 1017 01:11:57,404 --> 01:12:01,672 and you will never get the crown. 1018 01:12:08,040 --> 01:12:11,003 Chon, l got a confession to make. 1019 01:12:11,003 --> 01:12:12,931 You are in love with my sister. 1020 01:12:12,931 --> 01:12:14,907 Well, that, but... 1021 01:12:14,907 --> 01:12:17,602 l didn't lose all the money on the zeppelins. 1022 01:12:17,602 --> 01:12:18,321 No? 1023 01:12:19,079 --> 01:12:23,778 Nah. l blew most of it on the Roy O'Bannon novels. 1024 01:12:23,778 --> 01:12:24,699 l wrote them. 1025 01:12:24,699 --> 01:12:26,272 No, Sage McCallister wrote them. 1026 01:12:26,272 --> 01:12:29,408 That's what l'm saying, buddy. l'm Sage McCallister. 1027 01:12:34,184 --> 01:12:35,642 You wrote those lies?! 1028 01:12:35,642 --> 01:12:37,541 l've always had low self-esteem. 1029 01:12:37,541 --> 01:12:39,018 How many books did you print? 1030 01:12:39,018 --> 01:12:41,156 l self-published probably a million copies. 1031 01:12:42,183 --> 01:12:44,072 We were actually second to the Bible that year. 1032 01:12:44,072 --> 01:12:44,964 Oh, you -- 1033 01:12:44,964 --> 01:12:47,074 l guess l'm just about the worst friend 1034 01:12:47,074 --> 01:12:50,018 a guy could ask for. 1035 01:12:50,536 --> 01:12:53,730 No, you're a good friend. 1036 01:12:53,730 --> 01:12:54,948 Thank you. 1037 01:12:54,948 --> 01:12:58,180 lf you really love Lin, l won't stand in the way. 1038 01:12:58,180 --> 01:12:59,292 Really? 1039 01:12:59,292 --> 01:13:03,397 But if you break her heart... l'll break your legs. 1040 01:13:03,397 --> 01:13:04,577 That's fair. 1041 01:13:05,766 --> 01:13:09,123 Well, friends to the end, Chon... 1042 01:13:09,123 --> 01:13:10,792 and this is the end. 1043 01:13:15,338 --> 01:13:16,680 Chon, you got a plan? 1044 01:13:16,680 --> 01:13:18,176 You wouldn't happen to have a plan, would you? 1045 01:13:18,176 --> 01:13:19,231 Yes. 1046 01:13:19,231 --> 01:13:21,025 -Anything l can do? -No. 1047 01:13:21,025 --> 01:13:23,816 Good. l'll let you do the heavy lifting, then. 1048 01:13:38,451 --> 01:13:40,139 Chon, hurry. 1049 01:13:45,289 --> 01:13:46,220 Chon! 1050 01:13:46,220 --> 01:13:47,294 Chon! Chon, hurry! 1051 01:13:47,294 --> 01:13:48,483 Hurry! 1052 01:13:48,483 --> 01:13:50,180 Hurry! Chon, hurry! 1053 01:13:50,180 --> 01:13:51,197 Roy! 1054 01:13:54,985 --> 01:13:56,328 Coming! 1055 01:13:58,026 --> 01:13:58,918 Chon! 1056 01:14:00,749 --> 01:14:01,152 Oh! 1057 01:14:02,504 --> 01:14:04,260 The water's so dirty! 1058 01:14:04,260 --> 01:14:06,053 No! No! lt's dirty! No! 1059 01:14:32,792 --> 01:14:35,947 Just go ahead and drown me. l don't care anymore. 1060 01:14:39,563 --> 01:14:40,014 Roy! 1061 01:15:37,356 --> 01:15:39,217 You look ridiculous. 1062 01:15:41,567 --> 01:15:42,276 l think we look good. 1063 01:15:44,530 --> 01:15:47,465 l really must protest this intrusion. 1064 01:15:47,465 --> 01:15:50,534 Every bobby in London is out scouring the streets 1065 01:15:50,534 --> 01:15:51,502 for you two. 1066 01:15:51,502 --> 01:15:52,912 Have you been drinking? 1067 01:15:52,912 --> 01:15:57,036 l always drink when my employment's been terminated. 1068 01:15:57,036 --> 01:15:57,286 They fired you? 1069 01:15:57,286 --> 01:15:59,213 Lord Rathbone saw to that. 1070 01:15:59,213 --> 01:16:00,230 l'm sorry. 1071 01:16:01,266 --> 01:16:02,695 lt's of no consequence. 1072 01:16:02,695 --> 01:16:05,994 l never wanted to be an inspector in the first place. 1073 01:16:05,994 --> 01:16:08,401 lt was my father's idea. 1074 01:16:08,401 --> 01:16:11,211 l always wanted to be a writer. 1075 01:16:11,633 --> 01:16:12,679 Yeah. 1076 01:16:12,679 --> 01:16:14,443 Artie, we need your help. 1077 01:16:14,443 --> 01:16:16,007 Rathbone has taken Lin. 1078 01:16:16,007 --> 01:16:17,484 He's gonna kill the royal family 1079 01:16:17,484 --> 01:16:18,922 and he's gonna assume the throne. 1080 01:16:18,922 --> 01:16:21,358 Do you have any evidence 1081 01:16:21,358 --> 01:16:24,322 to support these preposterous allegations? 1082 01:16:24,322 --> 01:16:26,950 We have this. lt's the boy's. 1083 01:16:26,950 --> 01:16:29,673 Use your technique. Tell us where he is. 1084 01:16:31,946 --> 01:16:33,932 Paraffin wax -- most interesting. 1085 01:16:33,932 --> 01:16:35,370 He's at a church. 1086 01:16:35,370 --> 01:16:37,164 The little punk's hiding in a church. 1087 01:16:37,164 --> 01:16:38,689 No, no, no. 1088 01:16:38,689 --> 01:16:40,626 lt's not candle wax. 1089 01:16:40,626 --> 01:16:41,767 l have it. 1090 01:16:45,354 --> 01:16:47,119 -Don't worry. You'll get it. -What are you doing? 1091 01:16:47,119 --> 01:16:49,037 -He's picking the lock. -Well, hurry up! 1092 01:16:49,037 --> 01:16:52,231 Chon, please! Please. lt's a very meticulous process. 1093 01:16:52,231 --> 01:16:55,837 Let Artie do his job. lt's almost an art form. 1094 01:16:55,837 --> 01:16:57,707 lt takes the precision of a surgeon. 1095 01:16:57,707 --> 01:16:59,913 You have to be so precise. 1096 01:16:59,913 --> 01:17:02,224 Maybe if we jam another one in there. 1097 01:17:06,482 --> 01:17:07,978 That works, too. 1098 01:17:07,978 --> 01:17:10,156 Lacks a certain finesse. 1099 01:17:13,589 --> 01:17:15,661 All right, all right. Let's split up. 1100 01:18:19,602 --> 01:18:20,714 What the... 1101 01:18:24,723 --> 01:18:26,612 l am gonna break your neck. 1102 01:18:26,612 --> 01:18:27,437 Come here. 1103 01:19:06,797 --> 01:19:07,766 Looky here. 1104 01:19:07,766 --> 01:19:10,096 -Come on, where is it? -What? 1105 01:19:10,096 --> 01:19:11,497 You know what l'm talking about. 1106 01:19:11,497 --> 01:19:12,916 Don't give me that "what." 1107 01:19:13,616 --> 01:19:14,863 What do we got here? 1108 01:19:14,863 --> 01:19:16,522 Oh, yes. 1109 01:19:17,616 --> 01:19:19,821 You don't mind if l take this back, do you? 1110 01:19:19,821 --> 01:19:21,701 Go on. Get out of here. 1111 01:19:21,701 --> 01:19:22,747 Go! 1112 01:19:22,747 --> 01:19:24,051 Roy? 1113 01:19:24,051 --> 01:19:24,559 l got it. 1114 01:19:27,542 --> 01:19:29,134 Give me the seal. 1115 01:19:30,515 --> 01:19:32,145 Give me the seal! 1116 01:19:44,182 --> 01:19:46,445 All right, spread out! 1117 01:19:46,445 --> 01:19:47,625 Through there! 1118 01:19:48,852 --> 01:19:50,224 Let's go. 1119 01:19:58,999 --> 01:20:00,937 The gig's up. 1120 01:20:09,875 --> 01:20:11,851 So, what are we gonna do? 1121 01:20:14,517 --> 01:20:15,764 Come on, think! 1122 01:20:15,764 --> 01:20:18,583 l'm not going to an English prison. 1123 01:20:18,583 --> 01:20:21,393 With my feathery blond hair and Chon's athletic build, 1124 01:20:21,393 --> 01:20:23,599 they'll try to make us the belle of the ball. 1125 01:20:23,599 --> 01:20:24,779 Forget it. l'm not going back. 1126 01:20:26,074 --> 01:20:29,133 Well, at least we'll get a good view of the fireworks 1127 01:20:29,133 --> 01:20:30,524 from Scotland Yard. 1128 01:20:30,524 --> 01:20:32,308 -Fireworks? -Yeah. 1129 01:20:32,308 --> 01:20:34,705 At midnight, they're launching this huge display 1130 01:20:34,705 --> 01:20:36,460 from a flotilla of barges on the Thames. 1131 01:20:36,460 --> 01:20:39,318 lt's the official kickoff to the Queen's Jubilee. 1132 01:20:39,318 --> 01:20:41,208 ls the royal family gonna be there? 1133 01:20:41,908 --> 01:20:44,565 They're gonna be viewing the spectacle from a balcony 1134 01:20:44,565 --> 01:20:46,061 overlooking the river. 1135 01:20:46,061 --> 01:20:48,017 He's got a machine gun on the barge. 1136 01:20:49,811 --> 01:20:50,760 Yes. 1137 01:20:59,411 --> 01:21:01,300 You gents lost your way? 1138 01:21:01,300 --> 01:21:02,864 Kid, tell me you got a way out. 1139 01:21:15,418 --> 01:21:17,969 Nice move, kid. 1140 01:21:17,969 --> 01:21:18,870 So why did you come back? 1141 01:21:18,870 --> 01:21:21,421 Why did you give up the seal? 1142 01:21:24,021 --> 01:21:25,584 'Cause l'm a fool. 1143 01:21:27,253 --> 01:21:28,816 Guess l'm a fool, too. 1144 01:21:28,816 --> 01:21:30,955 Well, put her there, fool. 1145 01:21:32,115 --> 01:21:33,228 l never got your name. 1146 01:21:33,228 --> 01:21:35,347 Name's Chaplin... 1147 01:21:35,347 --> 01:21:37,361 Charlie Chaplin. 1148 01:22:35,308 --> 01:22:36,814 -Excuse me. -Excuse me. 1149 01:22:36,814 --> 01:22:37,936 Excuse me, please! 1150 01:22:37,936 --> 01:22:39,768 -Excuse me. -Excuse me. 1151 01:22:47,766 --> 01:22:49,262 You warn the royal family. 1152 01:22:49,262 --> 01:22:50,317 l'll save Lin. 1153 01:22:50,317 --> 01:22:52,178 How on earth are you gonna do that? 1154 01:24:16,029 --> 01:24:17,238 You okay? 1155 01:24:23,165 --> 01:24:24,411 l just saved you! 1156 01:24:24,411 --> 01:24:25,524 You were late! 1157 01:24:25,524 --> 01:24:26,541 What?! 1158 01:24:31,067 --> 01:24:33,005 Nelson? 1159 01:24:44,734 --> 01:24:46,460 Why are you hiding yourself back there? 1160 01:24:46,460 --> 01:24:48,666 l shouldn't like to impede your view, Your Highness. 1161 01:24:48,666 --> 01:24:50,517 Nonsense. You arranged all this. 1162 01:24:50,517 --> 01:24:52,378 You should have a front-row view. 1163 01:24:52,378 --> 01:24:55,830 l regret that, uh, respectfully l must decline. 1164 01:24:55,830 --> 01:24:58,458 l need to keep a good eye on proceedings. 1165 01:25:00,578 --> 01:25:02,937 Whoo! 1166 01:25:02,937 --> 01:25:05,306 Nelson, you've outdone yourself. 1167 01:25:05,306 --> 01:25:07,742 Wait till you see the finale. 1168 01:25:11,962 --> 01:25:13,458 Hey! 1169 01:25:15,769 --> 01:25:17,371 Hey! 1170 01:25:22,176 --> 01:25:22,704 Oh! 1171 01:26:25,820 --> 01:26:27,038 This is hopeless. 1172 01:26:27,038 --> 01:26:28,956 We're not gonna get past the guards. 1173 01:26:28,956 --> 01:26:30,548 Well, not with that attitude we won't. 1174 01:26:30,548 --> 01:26:32,447 Come on, Artie. There's got to be a way. 1175 01:26:32,447 --> 01:26:34,423 There's always -- 1176 01:26:47,264 --> 01:26:48,569 Lin! 1177 01:27:23,076 --> 01:27:25,244 Yee-haw! Yeah! 1178 01:27:25,244 --> 01:27:26,941 Yee-haw! 1179 01:27:26,941 --> 01:27:28,351 Yee-haw! 1180 01:27:30,403 --> 01:27:31,899 We got to jump it! 1181 01:28:20,927 --> 01:28:22,557 Wu Chow! 1182 01:28:38,823 --> 01:28:40,674 Hold it right there, Rathboner. 1183 01:28:43,676 --> 01:28:44,827 l'm guessing by your hasty retreat 1184 01:28:44,827 --> 01:28:47,531 that you're still 20th in line for the throne. 1185 01:28:47,531 --> 01:28:48,481 10th. 1186 01:28:48,481 --> 01:28:50,783 lnspector Doyle, arrest this man. 1187 01:28:54,341 --> 01:28:55,290 He's got a gun! 1188 01:28:55,290 --> 01:28:56,010 Oh! 1189 01:28:58,120 --> 01:28:59,059 Come on! 1190 01:29:01,217 --> 01:29:02,263 -Oh! -You okay? 1191 01:29:02,263 --> 01:29:03,960 What happened? 1192 01:29:03,960 --> 01:29:05,917 Rathbone nailed Artie with a little sissy gun. 1193 01:29:05,917 --> 01:29:08,190 l'll look after him. You two go. 1194 01:29:08,190 --> 01:29:08,909 Go! 1195 01:29:17,090 --> 01:29:18,998 For Father. 1196 01:29:18,998 --> 01:29:20,897 For Father. 1197 01:29:20,897 --> 01:29:22,624 For Old Man Wang. 1198 01:29:26,757 --> 01:29:29,625 Oh, my lucky playing cards. 1199 01:29:37,384 --> 01:29:39,455 Be careful. 1200 01:29:39,455 --> 01:29:42,246 Tell Rathbone to be careful. 1201 01:29:42,246 --> 01:29:44,193 Roy, let's go. 1202 01:29:50,753 --> 01:29:52,796 You're gonna need a bigger gun! 1203 01:30:09,992 --> 01:30:11,296 You see him? 1204 01:30:11,296 --> 01:30:12,016 No. 1205 01:30:12,773 --> 01:30:14,596 Show your face, Rathbone! 1206 01:30:14,596 --> 01:30:16,034 l'm gonna tear this guy apart. 1207 01:30:16,034 --> 01:30:19,228 Roy, you go this way. l'll go that way. 1208 01:30:19,228 --> 01:30:21,021 Split up? l don't know if that's a good idea. 1209 01:30:21,021 --> 01:30:22,728 lt's okay. 1210 01:30:31,178 --> 01:30:32,933 He's not up here. 1211 01:30:34,535 --> 01:30:36,127 Roy, keep going. 1212 01:30:39,656 --> 01:30:41,565 Aw, come on, Roy. 1213 01:30:54,052 --> 01:30:56,229 Hey, uh, Rathbone... 1214 01:30:56,229 --> 01:30:59,422 l was just thinking of a title for my new book... 1215 01:30:59,422 --> 01:31:03,038 "Roy O'Bannon vs. Little Lord Sissy." 1216 01:31:03,038 --> 01:31:06,587 But what about "Roy O'Bannon vs. The Man Who Would Be Queen"? 1217 01:31:09,828 --> 01:31:11,046 No sign of him, Chon. 1218 01:31:11,046 --> 01:31:13,185 The coast is clear up here. 1219 01:31:18,661 --> 01:31:20,090 Roy! Look out! 1220 01:31:22,565 --> 01:31:24,061 Roy! 1221 01:31:24,061 --> 01:31:24,866 Oops. 1222 01:31:28,779 --> 01:31:30,084 Come on up. 1223 01:31:30,084 --> 01:31:32,472 l'll show you how your father died. 1224 01:32:10,729 --> 01:32:12,733 Lord, help me. 1225 01:32:12,733 --> 01:32:15,294 Just let me know you're there. Love me. Hate me. 1226 01:32:15,294 --> 01:32:17,538 But let me know you're up there! 1227 01:32:17,538 --> 01:32:19,783 Hey, l can see our hotel from here. 1228 01:32:19,783 --> 01:32:20,895 Wow. 1229 01:32:33,286 --> 01:32:34,984 Come along. 1230 01:32:34,984 --> 01:32:36,710 l'm waiting. 1231 01:32:36,710 --> 01:32:39,875 Come on, Roy. Okay. 1232 01:32:39,875 --> 01:32:41,956 Roy O'Bannon will not go quietly. 1233 01:32:41,956 --> 01:32:43,299 You hear that, England?! 1234 01:32:43,299 --> 01:32:45,159 Throw whatever you want at me -- 1235 01:32:45,159 --> 01:32:48,104 your terrible weather, your perverted killers, 1236 01:32:48,104 --> 01:32:50,367 your Spotted Dick! 1237 01:33:25,258 --> 01:33:26,783 Roy, you're about to die. 1238 01:33:26,783 --> 01:33:29,766 You're on the minute hand of a clock. 1239 01:33:29,766 --> 01:33:32,672 My life is flashing before my eyes. 1240 01:33:32,672 --> 01:33:35,616 Wait a minute. l don't remember her. 1241 01:33:50,184 --> 01:33:51,527 One more. 1242 01:34:06,124 --> 01:34:07,236 One more. 1243 01:34:29,391 --> 01:34:30,110 Oh! 1244 01:34:35,212 --> 01:34:37,121 How disappointing. 1245 01:34:39,720 --> 01:34:41,667 One more. 1246 01:34:52,524 --> 01:34:54,797 You killed my friend. 1247 01:35:00,589 --> 01:35:02,085 You killed my father! 1248 01:35:21,037 --> 01:35:21,996 Roy! 1249 01:35:23,118 --> 01:35:25,448 l thought you were dead! Oh! 1250 01:35:25,448 --> 01:35:27,904 You think some tea-drinking psycho 1251 01:35:27,904 --> 01:35:29,870 can take out Roy O'Bannon? 1252 01:35:40,947 --> 01:35:41,992 Whoa. 1253 01:35:41,992 --> 01:35:43,968 Easy there, cowboy. 1254 01:35:47,123 --> 01:35:48,236 Huh? 1255 01:36:05,393 --> 01:36:06,890 You got any ideas? 1256 01:36:06,890 --> 01:36:08,539 Huh? 1257 01:36:11,723 --> 01:36:13,766 -We jump! -Jump?! 1258 01:36:15,243 --> 01:36:16,557 You mean fall?! 1259 01:36:16,557 --> 01:36:18,312 Aim for the flag! 1260 01:36:18,312 --> 01:36:20,182 Aw, shit. 1261 01:36:21,170 --> 01:36:23,117 l got to tell you something. 1262 01:36:23,117 --> 01:36:23,913 What? 1263 01:36:23,913 --> 01:36:26,761 You're the best sidekick l could ever ask for. 1264 01:36:26,761 --> 01:36:29,869 Thank you, Roy. l feel the same about you. 1265 01:36:31,154 --> 01:36:32,487 On three. 1266 01:36:32,487 --> 01:36:33,542 One... 1267 01:36:33,542 --> 01:36:34,923 Two... 1268 01:36:34,923 --> 01:36:35,690 -Three! -Three! 1269 01:37:01,518 --> 01:37:02,899 Roy. Roy! 1270 01:37:06,323 --> 01:37:07,752 Howdy. 1271 01:37:12,260 --> 01:37:14,245 ln recognition of outstanding bravery, 1272 01:37:14,245 --> 01:37:17,352 l dub you Sir Chon Wang. 1273 01:37:22,637 --> 01:37:24,497 For uncommon valor, 1274 01:37:24,497 --> 01:37:27,854 l dub you Sir Roy O'Bannon. 1275 01:37:33,043 --> 01:37:37,080 And for steadfast dedication to justice, 1276 01:37:37,080 --> 01:37:39,785 l dub you Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. 1277 01:37:44,877 --> 01:37:46,604 Arise. 1278 01:38:00,817 --> 01:38:03,052 Who loves you, baby? 1279 01:38:18,320 --> 01:38:20,392 Madam. 1280 01:38:22,837 --> 01:38:25,647 Artie, l bet Scotland Yard's dying to get you back now. 1281 01:38:25,647 --> 01:38:27,824 My official crime-fighting days are over. 1282 01:38:27,824 --> 01:38:28,975 The queen has asked me 1283 01:38:28,975 --> 01:38:31,248 to accompany the lmperial Seal back to China. 1284 01:38:31,248 --> 01:38:32,687 What a week. Unbelievable. 1285 01:38:32,687 --> 01:38:34,615 She couldn't have picked a better man, right, Chon? 1286 01:38:34,615 --> 01:38:35,689 Yeah. 1287 01:38:35,689 --> 01:38:38,633 And the voyage is gonna give me time to work on my new novel. 1288 01:38:38,633 --> 01:38:40,849 lt features a new kind of detective, 1289 01:38:40,849 --> 01:38:43,966 and he's gonna solve crimes using deductive reasoning. 1290 01:38:43,966 --> 01:38:45,356 Give me a name. What's his name? 1291 01:38:45,356 --> 01:38:46,852 Actually, Roy, l was rather hoping 1292 01:38:46,852 --> 01:38:49,480 to call him Sherlock Holmes, if that's all right with you. 1293 01:38:51,408 --> 01:38:54,208 l'd be insulted if you didn't use it. 1294 01:38:59,416 --> 01:39:01,238 -Ta. -See you, Artie. 1295 01:39:03,157 --> 01:39:05,391 That was very nice of you, Roy. 1296 01:39:05,391 --> 01:39:07,664 l would've kept the name if l thought it was any good. 1297 01:39:07,664 --> 01:39:09,256 lt's a horrible name for a detective -- 1298 01:39:09,256 --> 01:39:11,404 Sherlock Holmes. Holmes? 1299 01:39:12,881 --> 01:39:14,704 Will you stop playing with that? l'm gonna smash it. 1300 01:39:14,704 --> 01:39:15,950 l just want to see it for a second. 1301 01:39:15,950 --> 01:39:17,965 -Just let me see it. -No, you're gonna break it. 1302 01:39:19,576 --> 01:39:21,906 lt's just a rock with some gibberish on it. 1303 01:39:21,906 --> 01:39:23,402 That's Chinese. 1304 01:39:24,246 --> 01:39:27,181 "Family is forever, my son. 1305 01:39:27,181 --> 01:39:29,972 l'm proud you cast your own stone." 1306 01:39:31,161 --> 01:39:32,207 Wow. 1307 01:39:32,207 --> 01:39:33,770 That's a good message. 1308 01:39:40,503 --> 01:39:43,572 l'd like to cast my own stone, Chon. 1309 01:39:50,813 --> 01:39:51,829 -Hi. -Hi. 1310 01:39:56,788 --> 01:39:59,789 l told you -- the house of O'Bannon will prevail. 1311 01:40:05,458 --> 01:40:07,539 Chon, l got a business proposition for you. 1312 01:40:08,574 --> 01:40:09,390 No more zeppelins. 1313 01:40:09,390 --> 01:40:11,183 No, no, this is much better than zeppelins -- 1314 01:40:11,183 --> 01:40:13,696 a new thing they're starting out in California 1315 01:40:13,696 --> 01:40:14,454 called moving pictures. 1316 01:40:14,454 --> 01:40:15,470 Pass. 1317 01:40:15,470 --> 01:40:17,033 Hold it. Hold it. Hear me out. 1318 01:40:17,033 --> 01:40:19,383 l really think these movies could play to your strength. 1319 01:40:19,383 --> 01:40:20,342 There's no sound, 1320 01:40:20,342 --> 01:40:22,414 so we don't have to worry about the language problem. 1321 01:40:22,414 --> 01:40:26,097 And l think the kung fu stuff could be huge. 1322 01:40:26,097 --> 01:40:28,235 People are dying for a good action picture. 1323 01:40:28,235 --> 01:40:29,837 What do you think? 1324 01:40:29,837 --> 01:40:32,724 Chon Wang, movie star? 1325 01:40:32,724 --> 01:40:34,162 lt could work. 1326 01:40:34,162 --> 01:40:37,366 l feel bad about ditching that Chaplin kid, 1327 01:40:37,366 --> 01:40:39,696 but we're gonna be running and gunning in Hollywood, 1328 01:40:39,696 --> 01:40:42,132 and he'd just cramp our style. 1329 01:40:42,132 --> 01:40:44,242 lt's such a tough town. 1330 01:40:59,635 --> 01:41:01,975 Bloody tourists! 1331 01:41:01,975 --> 01:41:03,481 Action! 1332 01:41:19,862 --> 01:41:21,205 You have to say "cut." 1333 01:41:22,413 --> 01:41:24,494 You just keep looking! 1334 01:41:31,409 --> 01:41:33,970 Come here, you little minx. 1335 01:41:33,970 --> 01:41:35,217 Cut. 1336 01:41:35,217 --> 01:41:36,665 That was good. 1337 01:41:36,665 --> 01:41:38,592 That was a good one, huh? 1338 01:41:39,638 --> 01:41:43,752 Maybe on this one l should lick you...you think? 1339 01:41:43,752 --> 01:41:46,160 Like, after you lick me -- that could be kind of good. 1340 01:41:46,160 --> 01:41:48,624 And, Jackie... 1341 01:41:48,624 --> 01:41:49,104 Jackie? 1342 01:41:49,104 --> 01:41:50,964 Thank you. Hi, Owen. 1343 01:41:50,964 --> 01:41:52,115 Hello. How are you? 1344 01:41:52,115 --> 01:41:54,523 Okay, and l'm not Roy O'Bannon. 1345 01:41:54,523 --> 01:41:55,664 Who are you? 1346 01:41:57,275 --> 01:41:58,992 Damn it, Chon, l think she's the one. 1347 01:41:58,992 --> 01:42:01,553 l know it's crazy. We just met, but she's the one. 1348 01:42:01,553 --> 01:42:04,343 No, Roy, she's my babysitter. 1349 01:42:06,425 --> 01:42:07,950 Your babys-- 1350 01:42:07,950 --> 01:42:09,551 What? 1351 01:42:09,551 --> 01:42:10,999 Baby what? 1352 01:42:10,999 --> 01:42:12,179 Baby sister. 1353 01:42:12,179 --> 01:42:13,714 Baby sister? 1354 01:42:13,714 --> 01:42:15,958 Not babysitter. Baby sister. 1355 01:42:28,119 --> 01:42:29,231 You okay? 1356 01:42:30,842 --> 01:42:31,792 Action! 1357 01:42:34,583 --> 01:42:36,050 What happened? 1358 01:42:36,050 --> 01:42:38,640 Roy is the type of a friend you never introduce 1359 01:42:38,640 --> 01:42:41,335 to your other friends or bring into your family. 1360 01:42:41,335 --> 01:42:44,854 He's -- Look at his eyes. They're brown -- full of shit. 1361 01:42:44,854 --> 01:42:46,610 Always... 1362 01:42:46,610 --> 01:42:48,537 Just bullshit all the time. 1363 01:42:48,537 --> 01:42:50,101 Yeah, have you ever heard of those? 1364 01:42:50,101 --> 01:42:52,537 They're parents. We have parents that love us. 1365 01:42:52,537 --> 01:42:54,934 You don't, 'cause you're a little orphan. 1366 01:42:56,766 --> 01:42:59,730 You don't -- We've got par-- Yeah, parents. 1367 01:42:59,730 --> 01:43:02,137 Have you ever heard of those? We've got parents that love us. 1368 01:43:02,137 --> 01:43:04,851 But you don't, 'cause you're a little orphan. 1369 01:43:06,040 --> 01:43:07,862 Oh, go on. 1370 01:43:08,764 --> 01:43:11,133 So mean. 1371 01:43:11,133 --> 01:43:14,298 Chon Wang, movie star? 1372 01:43:14,298 --> 01:43:15,573 lt could work. 1373 01:43:15,573 --> 01:43:18,297 lt could work. You could do your own stunts. 1374 01:43:18,297 --> 01:43:20,052 What? My own stunts? 1375 01:43:23,160 --> 01:43:23,879 Ow! 1376 01:43:25,912 --> 01:43:27,504 Whoa! Whoa! 1377 01:43:28,473 --> 01:43:32,050 Stay here and be a good horsey for the new sheriff. 1378 01:43:32,050 --> 01:43:34,160 Ouch! Oh! 1379 01:43:34,160 --> 01:43:35,896 Ow. That hurt. 1380 01:43:39,262 --> 01:43:40,950 Ow! Ooh! 1381 01:43:44,058 --> 01:43:45,209 Ow! 1382 01:43:47,577 --> 01:43:48,469 Oh! 1383 01:43:51,836 --> 01:43:53,974 You're supposed to catch me! 1384 01:43:53,974 --> 01:43:55,154 Roy, catch. 1385 01:44:02,136 --> 01:44:04,217 -Jesus. -That's my fault. 1386 01:44:04,217 --> 01:44:05,627 Wait a second. 1387 01:44:05,627 --> 01:44:08,025 This nut is killing your street women? 1388 01:44:11,928 --> 01:44:13,942 Who did that? 1389 01:44:13,942 --> 01:44:14,959 Jackie Chan. 1390 01:44:14,959 --> 01:44:15,985 Me? 1391 01:44:15,985 --> 01:44:17,270 That's right. 1392 01:44:18,392 --> 01:44:20,531 -That was the... -First time. 1393 01:44:20,531 --> 01:44:22,459 -The best take. -l'm sorry. 1394 01:44:22,459 --> 01:44:23,773 Hurry up! 1395 01:44:23,773 --> 01:44:25,432 Are you crazy?! l can't do that! 1396 01:44:25,432 --> 01:44:27,839 This isn't Chinatown! l can't sail through the air! 1397 01:44:27,839 --> 01:44:29,757 -l'm not gonna break my neck! -Roy! 1398 01:44:29,757 --> 01:44:31,061 What in our history together 1399 01:44:31,061 --> 01:44:33,526 makes you think l'm capable of something like that? 1400 01:44:33,526 --> 01:44:34,495 lt's getting bigger! 1401 01:44:34,495 --> 01:44:35,607 There's got to be a better way. 1402 01:44:35,607 --> 01:44:36,471 Roy! 1403 01:44:37,593 --> 01:44:38,878 Roy! 1404 01:44:40,000 --> 01:44:42,388 My ass is on fire.