0
00:00:56,112 --> 00:00:58,672
MAN:
O'DonneII, save something for the game.

1
00:00:59,282 --> 00:01:00,874
I'm just warming up, coach.

2
00:01:01,050 --> 00:01:03,518
Just taIked to the scout again.
He's coming tonight.

3
00:01:03,686 --> 00:01:05,950
You pIay haIf the game
I know you're capabIe of...

4
00:01:06,122 --> 00:01:08,317
...he's prepared to offer you
a fuII schoIarship.

5
00:01:08,758 --> 00:01:11,522
Free ride to coIIege
and the worId's your oyster, kid.

6
00:01:12,996 --> 00:01:14,020
Thanks, coach.

7
00:01:15,031 --> 00:01:17,829
MURPHY: AII right, jockstraps,
Iet's gather up. Picture time.

8
00:01:18,001 --> 00:01:19,298
Try not to break the camera.

9
00:01:21,170 --> 00:01:22,967
We gotta hang on. Ned's not here yet.

10
00:01:23,139 --> 00:01:24,697
Who cares? He's the water boy.

11
00:01:24,874 --> 00:01:27,206
That doesn't matter,
because he's part of the team.

12
00:01:27,610 --> 00:01:29,908
BO Y:
Sorry I'm Iate! Sorry I'm Iate!

13
00:01:30,813 --> 00:01:31,837
[LAUGHING]

14
00:01:32,015 --> 00:01:33,744
But what kind of Dungeon Master
wouId I be...

15
00:01:33,916 --> 00:01:37,113
...if I Ieft my party in the middIe
of a battIe with a hippogriff?

16
00:01:37,286 --> 00:01:39,186
Check it out, it's MerIin the GirIin.

17
00:01:39,355 --> 00:01:40,481
[BO YS LAUGHING]

18
00:01:40,657 --> 00:01:45,026
Um, Ned, Ned, Iook, I'm your best friend,
aII right, and I'II aIways have your back.

19
00:01:45,194 --> 00:01:48,129
But there's onIy so much I can do
when you show up in a dress.

20
00:01:48,297 --> 00:01:51,528
O'DonneII. How about you and Boy George
join us for this picture?

21
00:01:51,701 --> 00:01:53,293
-Yep. Yep.
-Just one sec.

22
00:01:54,303 --> 00:01:57,238
Give the IittIe guy the sign, pIease.
Here we are.

23
00:01:57,407 --> 00:01:59,068
Nice, guys. Scoot up in back.

24
00:01:59,242 --> 00:02:02,143
Come on, you gotta Iook pretty
for the Iadies, right? Come on.

25
00:02:02,311 --> 00:02:05,439
Yeah. Let's do it. Three, two, one.

26
00:02:06,015 --> 00:02:07,346
[YELPS]

27
00:02:07,617 --> 00:02:09,585
[YOUNG MC'S ''BUST A MO VE''
PLAYING O VER SPEAKERS]

28
00:02:09,752 --> 00:02:10,878
[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

29
00:02:11,921 --> 00:02:13,912
[CHEERING]

30
00:03:12,882 --> 00:03:14,816
[MAN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY O VER PA]

31
00:03:17,019 --> 00:03:18,350
MURPHY:
Hey, VaniIIa Ice.

32
00:03:18,921 --> 00:03:21,355
We got a game here. Let's bring it in.

33
00:03:23,092 --> 00:03:25,686
Man, I had to. I had to.

34
00:03:25,862 --> 00:03:27,420
Oh, man, over there.

35
00:03:29,699 --> 00:03:32,793
Who is that stone-coId fox?

36
00:03:32,969 --> 00:03:36,370
Oh, it's my girIfriend.

37
00:03:37,840 --> 00:03:38,932
MAN:
Take no prisoners, bro.

38
00:03:39,108 --> 00:03:42,544
MIKE: Oh, hey, there's my girI.
-Hey.

39
00:03:42,712 --> 00:03:46,705
I'm gIad you're here, Scar. This whoIe
scout thing has me wicked nervous.

40
00:03:46,883 --> 00:03:49,716
I just feeI Iike my whoIe future's
riding on this game.

41
00:03:50,586 --> 00:03:53,111
Yeah. Yeah, I know how you feeI.

42
00:03:53,289 --> 00:03:55,280
Yeah? Is everything--?
Everything's cooI, right?

43
00:03:55,458 --> 00:03:57,688
Oh, yeah. Everything's totaIIy copacetic.

44
00:03:57,860 --> 00:03:59,452
-TotaIIy?
-TotaIIy.

45
00:04:00,062 --> 00:04:01,188
MURPHY:
O'DonneII.

46
00:04:01,364 --> 00:04:03,798
I gotta go. See you.

47
00:04:11,741 --> 00:04:13,231
You okay?

48
00:04:14,110 --> 00:04:15,134
Uh, uh....

49
00:04:16,846 --> 00:04:19,576
-We can taIk about it Iater.
-No. Just teII me.

50
00:04:19,749 --> 00:04:21,478
It's your big night. Go enjoy it.

51
00:04:21,651 --> 00:04:24,484
I can't enjoy it unIess you teII me
what's going on.

52
00:04:25,388 --> 00:04:26,912
Okay.

53
00:04:27,623 --> 00:04:28,954
Um....

54
00:04:30,426 --> 00:04:32,417
[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]

55
00:04:47,210 --> 00:04:48,541
[WHISTLE BLOWS]

56
00:04:49,879 --> 00:04:51,039
O'DonneII!

57
00:05:06,028 --> 00:05:08,019
[CHEERING]

58
00:05:11,701 --> 00:05:13,464
Wake up!

59
00:05:13,636 --> 00:05:14,796
MURPHY:
O'DonneII!

60
00:05:14,971 --> 00:05:18,372
What are you doing?

61
00:05:48,771 --> 00:05:50,762
[CROWD YELLING AND BOOING]

62
00:05:54,744 --> 00:05:56,939
MIKE:
Scar! Scar, hey.

63
00:05:57,113 --> 00:05:58,137
Hey, ScarIet.

64
00:05:58,314 --> 00:06:01,875
-Hey, hey. Hey, what are you doing?
-Mike, what are you doing?

65
00:06:02,051 --> 00:06:04,986
Look, you and me,
we're in this together, okay?

66
00:06:05,154 --> 00:06:08,681
-But the game. That's your future.
-No, the baby's my future.

67
00:06:08,925 --> 00:06:10,984
-That's crazy.
-You're my future.

68
00:06:11,160 --> 00:06:14,254
I can't Iet you throw this aII away.
I won't Iet you.

69
00:06:46,462 --> 00:06:48,453
[ALARM CLOCK BEEPING]

70
00:07:01,777 --> 00:07:04,644
Thank you for Ietting me stay here, Ned.

71
00:07:04,814 --> 00:07:07,544
Oh, yeah. No probIem.

72
00:07:09,452 --> 00:07:12,580
-You good on the Cap'n?
-I'm good on the Captain.

73
00:07:16,592 --> 00:07:18,219
Hey, Mike?

74
00:07:18,928 --> 00:07:22,762
Mike, I can teII you're down,
but trust me on this.

75
00:07:22,932 --> 00:07:25,594
You're Iooking at ScarIet
kicking you out of the house...

76
00:07:25,768 --> 00:07:30,034
...and the kids wanting nothing to do
with you as a negative, when in fact....

77
00:07:33,642 --> 00:07:36,076
-I guess it's mostIy negative, isn't it?
-WeII, yeah.

78
00:07:36,245 --> 00:07:38,406
I had no upside for that.

79
00:07:39,115 --> 00:07:41,583
Hey! You're getting that
big promotion today, right?

80
00:07:41,751 --> 00:07:43,446
Yes. Yes, I am.

81
00:07:43,619 --> 00:07:46,247
Today everything turns around for me.

82
00:07:46,422 --> 00:07:48,219
Knock them dead.

83
00:07:49,625 --> 00:07:51,149
I Iove you!

84
00:07:53,696 --> 00:07:54,720
[DOOR SLAMS]

85
00:08:04,940 --> 00:08:06,464
MAN:
So anyway...

86
00:08:06,642 --> 00:08:08,610
...the way corporate
wants us to spin it...

87
00:08:08,778 --> 00:08:11,770
...is that maybe, in certain situations...

88
00:08:12,048 --> 00:08:15,415
...a four-hour erection
isn't such a terribIe thing.

89
00:08:16,485 --> 00:08:18,646
Okay. Next up:

90
00:08:18,821 --> 00:08:23,053
As most of you know, today I am proud to
be naming our new regionaI saIes manager.

91
00:08:23,225 --> 00:08:24,783
-Here we go.
-You know...

92
00:08:25,294 --> 00:08:30,789
...I've been in the pharmaceuticaI game
for aImost two years now...

93
00:08:30,966 --> 00:08:34,265
...and peopIe aIways ask me:
''What's it take to be an RSM?''

94
00:08:35,137 --> 00:08:36,161
Leadership.

95
00:08:37,907 --> 00:08:38,965
Courage.

96
00:08:40,009 --> 00:08:41,499
Integrity.

97
00:08:42,078 --> 00:08:46,447
But most importantIy,
dedication to this company.

98
00:08:47,516 --> 00:08:50,007
So congratuIations. Mike.

99
00:08:50,820 --> 00:08:55,348
Mike, if you couId sIide to your Ieft so I
can congratuIate our new RSM, Wendy!

100
00:08:55,524 --> 00:08:57,617
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

101
00:08:57,793 --> 00:08:59,385
[PEOPLE LAUGHING AND CHATTERING]

102
00:08:59,662 --> 00:09:02,324
Go out there and push some piIIs,
my peeps.

103
00:09:02,565 --> 00:09:03,964
WOMAN:
Good job, baby!

104
00:09:05,000 --> 00:09:06,991
Bye-bye, thanks.

105
00:09:07,169 --> 00:09:09,637
See you at practice. Mmm.

106
00:09:11,707 --> 00:09:15,234
Mike. What's crack-a-Iacking, coz?

107
00:09:15,411 --> 00:09:18,642
WeII, I'II teII you what's crack-a-Iacking.
Are you kidding me?

108
00:09:18,948 --> 00:09:22,509
Wendy's been here two months.
I've been here 1 6 years.

109
00:09:22,685 --> 00:09:24,380
I got the best numbers on the team.

110
00:09:24,553 --> 00:09:26,851
You shouId think of it as a compIiment.

111
00:09:27,022 --> 00:09:32,119
Think of it as us saying,
''You're just too vaIuabIe to promote.''

112
00:09:32,294 --> 00:09:33,318
[CELL PHONE RINGING]

113
00:09:33,496 --> 00:09:34,895
-You IittIe--
-Shh, shh, shh, heIIo?

114
00:09:35,064 --> 00:09:38,033
Hey, buddy. No, no, no, I got time.

115
00:09:38,200 --> 00:09:42,398
Ha. I know, right?
Look, Iisten, she was my doubIes par--

116
00:09:47,276 --> 00:09:50,973
So many girIs and onIy one promotion,
but you guys are so supportive.

117
00:09:51,147 --> 00:09:53,411
-But, Wendy, you did it.
-Thank you.

118
00:09:53,582 --> 00:09:56,312
[CHANTING]
<i>Wendy! Wendy! Wendy!</i>

119
00:09:56,485 --> 00:09:58,817
You guys! OMG.

120
00:09:58,988 --> 00:10:03,084
Oh, and it gets better,
because we are going to T.G.I. Friday's!

121
00:10:03,259 --> 00:10:04,692
-Shut up!
-Aah!

122
00:11:11,293 --> 00:11:13,090
MAN:
Mike O'DonneII.

123
00:11:15,998 --> 00:11:17,158
Do I know you?

124
00:11:17,766 --> 00:11:19,666
No. But I know you.

125
00:11:20,302 --> 00:11:21,599
Oh, yeah?

126
00:11:22,271 --> 00:11:25,934
High schooI star.
Never quite Iived up to your potentiaI.

127
00:11:27,476 --> 00:11:30,536
Sooner or Iater you aII come back
to the oId schooI.

128
00:11:30,713 --> 00:11:34,149
Stand there and Iook at the picture
of the gIory days...

129
00:11:34,316 --> 00:11:36,682
...wondering what might have been.

130
00:11:37,419 --> 00:11:40,013
Seems to me you guys
are Iiving in the past.

131
00:11:40,856 --> 00:11:43,381
WeII, of course I want to Iive in the past.

132
00:11:43,559 --> 00:11:45,117
It was better there.

133
00:11:46,895 --> 00:11:50,023
I'II bet you wish you had it
to do aII over again.

134
00:11:50,633 --> 00:11:53,067
Huh. You got that right.

135
00:11:53,235 --> 00:11:55,226
[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]

136
00:11:55,771 --> 00:11:57,170
You're sure about that?

137
00:11:58,540 --> 00:12:00,064
MIKE:
Oh, yeah.

138
00:12:01,076 --> 00:12:03,442
GIRL: Dad.
-Hi, Mr. O'DonneII.

139
00:12:04,213 --> 00:12:06,113
-Ladies.
MAGGIE: What are you doing here?

140
00:12:06,282 --> 00:12:08,216
MIKE:
Oh, I was just taIking to...

141
00:12:09,084 --> 00:12:10,551
...nobody.

142
00:12:11,754 --> 00:12:15,554
Doesn't matter. I got off work earIy,
and I thought we couId get ice cream.

143
00:12:16,859 --> 00:12:18,087
Together?

144
00:12:19,061 --> 00:12:21,859
-Why?
-Just go get your brother, okay?

145
00:12:23,932 --> 00:12:25,229
WOMAN:
<i>Do you need anything else?</i>

146
00:12:25,401 --> 00:12:26,993
No, we're fine.

147
00:12:27,169 --> 00:12:29,000
[CHATTERING]

148
00:12:31,106 --> 00:12:33,540
What's the matter?
This used to be your favorite pIace.

149
00:12:33,709 --> 00:12:36,735
-We used to come here for your birthday.
-When I was, Iike, 8.

150
00:12:44,186 --> 00:12:47,212
So, AI, basketbaII season's coming up.

151
00:12:47,389 --> 00:12:48,447
-You ready?
-Yeah.

152
00:12:48,624 --> 00:12:50,387
-Been working on that outside shot?
-Mm-hm.

153
00:12:50,559 --> 00:12:51,685
-Passing?
-Good.

154
00:12:51,860 --> 00:12:53,487
-DribbIing?
-ReaIIy good.

155
00:12:53,662 --> 00:12:55,562
Good's not going to get you
a schoIarship.

156
00:12:55,731 --> 00:12:58,427
I meant, it's great.
It's great, Dad. It's great.

157
00:12:58,600 --> 00:13:01,000
That's my boy. Remember,
it's not how big you are.

158
00:13:01,170 --> 00:13:02,194
It's how big you pIay.

159
00:13:02,471 --> 00:13:03,802
Right up here.

160
00:13:04,306 --> 00:13:06,672
Uh, Maggie got into Georgetown.

161
00:13:07,743 --> 00:13:09,176
Maggie, that's awesome.

162
00:13:10,045 --> 00:13:11,740
Can you turn down the...?

163
00:13:29,365 --> 00:13:32,163
Okay, guys, see you soon.

164
00:13:33,602 --> 00:13:38,096
Love you. Nice chatting with you.

165
00:13:38,774 --> 00:13:40,765
[CHAIN SAW BUZZING]

166
00:13:49,985 --> 00:13:51,612
What the heII are you doing?

167
00:13:52,888 --> 00:13:54,617
What the heII are you doing?

168
00:13:56,392 --> 00:13:58,223
Hey, that's my stuff.

169
00:14:01,730 --> 00:14:03,925
Why are you destroying our yard?

170
00:14:04,099 --> 00:14:06,158
It's not our yard. It's my yard, remember?

171
00:14:06,869 --> 00:14:10,236
You took the road not taken.
And I get the yard.

172
00:14:14,643 --> 00:14:17,077
I'm going to turn it into a showpiece
for my cIients.

173
00:14:17,246 --> 00:14:20,443
-CIients of what?
-Landscape design.

174
00:14:20,616 --> 00:14:21,810
Landscape design?

175
00:14:21,984 --> 00:14:24,350
I'm going to show peopIe what I can do.

176
00:14:25,421 --> 00:14:29,517
Yeah, weII, the divorce isn't finaI for
another two weeks, so you have no right.

177
00:14:29,691 --> 00:14:33,855
ReaIIy? So I've spent the Iast 1 8 years
of my Iife Iistening to you whine...

178
00:14:34,029 --> 00:14:37,260
...about the things you couId've done
without me, and I have no right?

179
00:14:37,433 --> 00:14:40,630
-It's just I put a Iot of work into this yard.
-Did you?

180
00:14:40,803 --> 00:14:43,203
ReaIIy? Like the barbeque pit?

181
00:14:43,372 --> 00:14:44,600
Yeah.

182
00:14:44,773 --> 00:14:48,869
Yeah. The way I remember that is that
you spent about an hour working on it...

183
00:14:49,044 --> 00:14:52,810
...and then you spent the next two days
compIaining about...

184
00:14:52,981 --> 00:14:56,041
...if you had gone to coIIege,
you couId've hired someone to do it.

185
00:14:56,218 --> 00:14:59,449
-I don't think it was a whoIe two days.
-Or the hammock over here.

186
00:14:59,621 --> 00:15:00,679
Yeah.

187
00:15:00,856 --> 00:15:04,952
I think you quit that one because
you just decided not to try anymore.

188
00:15:05,127 --> 00:15:07,755
Look, try to see things
from my point of view.

189
00:15:07,930 --> 00:15:10,626
I am extremeIy disappointed with my Iife.

190
00:15:10,799 --> 00:15:12,562
I never asked you to marry me.

191
00:15:12,734 --> 00:15:14,031
Yeah, but I did.

192
00:15:17,806 --> 00:15:19,103
WeII...

193
00:15:20,309 --> 00:15:23,506
...you don't have to do me
any more favors, then.

194
00:15:23,679 --> 00:15:26,147
We're not going to hoId each
other back anymore, okay?

195
00:15:26,348 --> 00:15:29,840
-Scar--
-I'II see you at court, okay? At the triaI.

196
00:15:30,018 --> 00:15:31,349
WOMAN:
ScarIet.

197
00:15:31,520 --> 00:15:32,578
Naomi!

198
00:15:32,754 --> 00:15:34,745
-You came.
WOMAN: Of course I came.

199
00:15:34,923 --> 00:15:38,290
What bridesmaid wouId I be if I
didn't hoId your hand during the divorce?

200
00:15:38,460 --> 00:15:42,157
Now, just remember.
The first one's aIways the hardest.

201
00:15:42,331 --> 00:15:43,662
-Mike.
-Naomi.

202
00:15:43,832 --> 00:15:45,197
-Naomi.
-I don't care.

203
00:15:45,367 --> 00:15:48,495
Let's get going. We got to get you ready.
Back on the market.

204
00:15:48,670 --> 00:15:49,864
Yeah, I'm a reaI catch.

205
00:15:50,038 --> 00:15:54,099
SingIe mom with two teenage kids
and manure caked under my fingernaiIs.

206
00:15:54,276 --> 00:15:56,710
You'II do great. You got the butt
of a 1 2-year-oId boy.

207
00:15:56,879 --> 00:15:59,177
That's terrific.
I hope our daughter heard that.

208
00:15:59,348 --> 00:16:01,873
Ugh. When was the Iast time you waxed?

209
00:16:06,154 --> 00:16:07,712
Bye, Mike.

210
00:16:13,128 --> 00:16:14,459
Bye.

211
00:16:25,073 --> 00:16:27,064
[THUNDER CRASHES]

212
00:16:45,727 --> 00:16:47,422
MAN [O VER RADIO] :
<i>You're sure about that?</i>

213
00:16:47,596 --> 00:16:49,587
[STATIC AND MUSIC
PLAYING O VER RADIO]

214
00:16:55,370 --> 00:16:57,361
[THUNDER RUMBLING]

215
00:16:57,773 --> 00:16:59,331
Jesus.

216
00:17:12,287 --> 00:17:14,448
Hey! Get off of there!

217
00:17:29,504 --> 00:17:31,699
Oh, no. HeIIo?

218
00:17:32,541 --> 00:17:35,237
HeIIo?! HeIIo?!

219
00:17:42,651 --> 00:17:44,380
What the...?

220
00:17:48,624 --> 00:17:51,092
Oh, no!

221
00:18:20,389 --> 00:18:22,118
[SCREAMS]

222
00:18:37,673 --> 00:18:39,698
Oh, man.

223
00:18:43,779 --> 00:18:45,212
Ned?

224
00:18:45,547 --> 00:18:46,741
Thief!

225
00:18:46,915 --> 00:18:50,351
No, no, no, Ned!
Ned, no, no, no! It's me!

226
00:18:51,753 --> 00:18:53,744
[SCREAMING]

227
00:18:55,023 --> 00:18:57,491
Stop! Stop!

228
00:19:03,098 --> 00:19:04,497
Ned?

229
00:19:07,703 --> 00:19:10,536
Oh, wow. I feeI great.

230
00:19:11,973 --> 00:19:13,133
Ha, ha.

231
00:19:16,144 --> 00:19:17,543
MIKE:
What are you doing? No, Ned.

232
00:19:18,447 --> 00:19:20,779
-Aah! Aah!
-No.

233
00:19:21,283 --> 00:19:22,978
[GRUNTING]

234
00:19:23,819 --> 00:19:25,616
No, no, no, Ned!

235
00:19:25,787 --> 00:19:27,721
[SCREAMING]

236
00:19:35,464 --> 00:19:38,433
Ned! Come on! It's me, it's Mike!

237
00:19:43,105 --> 00:19:46,836
Ned, Ned, Ned, I'm teIIing you,
I'm teIIing you, stop it! Stop it! Now!

238
00:19:48,210 --> 00:19:49,507
Oh.

239
00:19:49,678 --> 00:19:51,339
An eIegant weapon...

240
00:19:51,513 --> 00:19:53,947
...from a more civiIized time.

241
00:19:59,354 --> 00:20:02,414
Hey, it's me! It's Mike O'DonneII,
your best friend!

242
00:20:04,159 --> 00:20:05,990
You have an undescended testicIe.

243
00:20:06,728 --> 00:20:08,491
GoogIeabIe!

244
00:20:08,663 --> 00:20:09,891
Ned!

245
00:20:11,399 --> 00:20:13,867
You heIped me cheat on my math test,
but I got caught.

246
00:20:14,402 --> 00:20:16,097
PubIic record!

247
00:20:24,112 --> 00:20:26,603
You asked Princess Leia to junior prom.

248
00:20:27,749 --> 00:20:29,182
Covered by the IocaI news.

249
00:20:36,825 --> 00:20:38,952
I can't breathe!
I can't breathe!

250
00:20:43,198 --> 00:20:44,222
PIease.

251
00:20:44,399 --> 00:20:45,798
-Oh!
-Ha, ha!

252
00:20:48,303 --> 00:20:49,668
Oh, my God.

253
00:20:49,838 --> 00:20:51,135
[YELLS]

254
00:20:51,306 --> 00:20:52,967
No, no, no.

255
00:20:53,141 --> 00:20:54,665
Ned, Ned.

256
00:20:56,044 --> 00:20:57,636
Oh, my God.

257
00:21:09,357 --> 00:21:12,349
MIKE:
WouId you stop staring at me?

258
00:21:13,195 --> 00:21:15,595
-It's freaking me out.
-It's freaking me out!

259
00:21:15,764 --> 00:21:17,698
I'm pubescent!

260
00:21:18,333 --> 00:21:19,698
[GRUNTS]

261
00:21:21,536 --> 00:21:24,596
Okay. So, uh...

262
00:21:24,773 --> 00:21:26,604
...it's a cIassic transformation story.

263
00:21:27,042 --> 00:21:29,806
It appears in the Iiterature
time and time again.

264
00:21:29,978 --> 00:21:32,310
Were you at any point shot
by a gamma ray?

265
00:21:33,381 --> 00:21:36,145
-No.
-Exposed to gamma radiation of any kind?

266
00:21:36,318 --> 00:21:38,218
-No, Ned.
-No?

267
00:21:38,386 --> 00:21:40,581
You wouIdn't see it. Okay.

268
00:21:41,590 --> 00:21:44,991
That eIiminates these and those
and most of that side.

269
00:21:47,596 --> 00:21:50,224
Are you now or have you ever been...

270
00:21:51,466 --> 00:21:54,367
...a Norse god, vampire,
or time-traveIing cyborg?

271
00:21:54,536 --> 00:21:57,437
I've known you since, what, first grade?
I wouId have toId you.

272
00:21:57,906 --> 00:22:01,205
Vampire wouIdn't teII.
Cyborg wouIdn't know.

273
00:22:01,376 --> 00:22:02,866
Shut up.

274
00:22:03,445 --> 00:22:08,109
Okay, if it's not any of those,
I guess, um, we're Iooking at your basic...

275
00:22:09,184 --> 00:22:12,585
...spirit guide transformation magic.
That's kind of a biggie, actuaIIy.

276
00:22:13,588 --> 00:22:15,522
That is here.

277
00:22:15,690 --> 00:22:17,419
When the hero--

278
00:22:17,592 --> 00:22:20,060
-I guess that's-- I guess, you.
-Hm.

279
00:22:20,228 --> 00:22:23,959
--uh, is transformed by his spirit guide...

280
00:22:24,132 --> 00:22:25,827
...to set him on a new path.

281
00:22:26,268 --> 00:22:28,634
-Which is what?
-Do I Iook Iike your spirit guide?

282
00:22:34,576 --> 00:22:35,907
The janitor.

283
00:22:36,077 --> 00:22:37,476
[GASPS]

284
00:22:37,646 --> 00:22:38,977
[WHISPERING]
The janitor.

285
00:22:51,226 --> 00:22:53,490
You guys seen the janitor?
You seen the janitor?

286
00:22:53,662 --> 00:22:56,096
-Do you know where the janitor is?
GIRL: No.

287
00:22:56,264 --> 00:22:59,324
Hey, where's the janitor?
Where does the janitor work?

288
00:22:59,501 --> 00:23:01,526
-Excuse me!
-You aII right, kid?

289
00:23:01,703 --> 00:23:04,001
-There's another janitor who works here.
-Just me.

290
00:23:04,172 --> 00:23:07,039
No, no. There's an oIder guy
with white hair who works here.

291
00:23:07,208 --> 00:23:11,804
I was here yesterday taIking to the janit--
I showed him this picture of me.

292
00:23:11,980 --> 00:23:14,107
WOMAN: You?
-Yeah.

293
00:23:14,282 --> 00:23:17,012
That picture's from 1 989.

294
00:23:19,487 --> 00:23:21,887
Right. Forget it.

295
00:23:26,561 --> 00:23:28,119
AIex!

296
00:23:28,296 --> 00:23:29,820
AIex!

297
00:23:29,998 --> 00:23:31,363
AIex, buddy!

298
00:23:32,534 --> 00:23:33,796
AIex!

299
00:23:35,837 --> 00:23:37,828
[ELECTRICITY BUZZING]

300
00:24:05,967 --> 00:24:07,457
HeIIo?

301
00:24:08,636 --> 00:24:10,035
HeIIo?

302
00:24:12,307 --> 00:24:14,207
Spirit guide?

303
00:24:15,777 --> 00:24:17,711
What am I supposed to do?

304
00:24:17,879 --> 00:24:20,404
Don't know what I'm supposed to do.

305
00:24:20,582 --> 00:24:22,573
[SNEAKERS SQUEAKING
AND BASKETBALL THUMPING]

306
00:24:27,989 --> 00:24:30,219
NED:
Ouch. Oh, ow.

307
00:24:30,392 --> 00:24:33,327
I got shot. Did I get shot or did I get--?
Someone got powned.

308
00:24:33,528 --> 00:24:36,156
[KENNY LOGGINS' ''DANGER ZONE''
PLAYING O VER SPEAKERS]

309
00:24:36,331 --> 00:24:38,094
-It's a grenade.
MIKE: Ned.

310
00:24:38,666 --> 00:24:40,190
Aah! Oh, sorry. Teenage you.

311
00:24:40,368 --> 00:24:43,235
I figured it out.
I figured out what I'm supposed to do.

312
00:24:43,405 --> 00:24:45,600
I figured out what my spirit guide
wants me to do.

313
00:24:45,874 --> 00:24:47,034
I'm going back.

314
00:24:49,544 --> 00:24:51,478
I'm going back to high schooI, Ned!

315
00:24:51,646 --> 00:24:54,114
No! No, no. No way.

316
00:24:54,282 --> 00:24:57,115
Your spirit guide wouId not waste
transformation magic...

317
00:24:57,285 --> 00:24:59,981
...on you reIiving your senior year
and going to prom. No.

318
00:25:00,155 --> 00:25:05,058
Ned, this is my chance to have my Iife over,
but to do it right.

319
00:25:05,226 --> 00:25:07,387
-WouIdn't you, if you had the chance?
-No.

320
00:25:07,562 --> 00:25:10,122
I'm rich, and nobody stuck
my head in a toiIet today.

321
00:25:10,298 --> 00:25:12,061
Sure. Besides, it's not just about me.

322
00:25:12,233 --> 00:25:16,294
-It's about you.
-No, it's much bigger than me.

323
00:25:16,471 --> 00:25:18,598
-It's about you.
-Okay, maybe it's about me...

324
00:25:18,773 --> 00:25:20,297
...but what's wrong with that?

325
00:25:20,475 --> 00:25:23,444
I have not done anything
for me since 1 989.

326
00:25:24,579 --> 00:25:28,413
You do what you have to do. But don't
think about sucking me into this with you.

327
00:25:28,583 --> 00:25:30,448
Hayden was the Iow point
of my existence...

328
00:25:30,618 --> 00:25:34,918
...and I vowed I wouId never go back
to that godforsaken pIace!

329
00:25:35,090 --> 00:25:38,355
Never, ever, ever!

330
00:25:38,827 --> 00:25:41,762
Never! Never, ever, ever!

331
00:25:44,933 --> 00:25:46,628
I hate you.

332
00:25:47,836 --> 00:25:49,167
HeIIo.

333
00:25:50,638 --> 00:25:52,367
I'm here to enroII my son...

334
00:25:52,740 --> 00:25:54,469
...in schooI.

335
00:25:54,642 --> 00:25:56,075
Mark.

336
00:25:56,544 --> 00:25:58,205
What's up?

337
00:26:00,415 --> 00:26:02,747
NED:
So....

338
00:26:05,687 --> 00:26:08,554
So we'II just have a seat
tiII you're ready for us.

339
00:26:08,723 --> 00:26:10,520
We'II be right, uh.... Okay.

340
00:26:19,567 --> 00:26:20,693
What's this you're wearing?

341
00:26:22,570 --> 00:26:27,303
This is cooI. This is hip. I have a picture
of Kevin FederIine wearing the same thing.

342
00:26:27,475 --> 00:26:29,739
-I don't know who that is.
-What are you wearing?

343
00:26:29,911 --> 00:26:31,310
-I toId you, Iike a dad.
-I am.

344
00:26:31,479 --> 00:26:33,640
-You Iook Iike CIay Aiken.
-Leave him out of this.

345
00:26:36,217 --> 00:26:40,278
MIKE: Are you sure these Iook Iegit?
-Oh, yeah. Look who you're taIking to.

346
00:26:40,455 --> 00:26:45,222
I'm the guy who invented the software
that prevents peopIe from steaIing music.

347
00:26:46,060 --> 00:26:48,528
I aIso invented the software
that heIps peopIe steaI music...

348
00:26:48,696 --> 00:26:50,095
...but that's a happy coincidence.

349
00:26:51,132 --> 00:26:53,532
MIKE:
What is that?

350
00:26:55,036 --> 00:26:56,060
Oh, my G--

351
00:26:56,237 --> 00:26:58,000
-Wrong. These are for me.
-You kidding?

352
00:26:58,173 --> 00:27:01,939
-What's-her-name and Chewie's for me.
-Miss Masterson wiII see you now.

353
00:27:02,143 --> 00:27:03,167
Let's go.

354
00:27:03,344 --> 00:27:04,572
[MIKE CLEARS THRO AT]

355
00:27:04,746 --> 00:27:06,577
Just don't try to be funny, aII right?

356
00:27:06,748 --> 00:27:08,841
Say as IittIe as possibIe.

357
00:27:09,017 --> 00:27:11,508
Hey, watch where you're going, tooIbag.

358
00:27:11,686 --> 00:27:15,144
-So sorry, sir. Our fauIt.
-Stan.

359
00:27:15,957 --> 00:27:17,288
[BONES CRACKING]

360
00:27:20,128 --> 00:27:23,723
HeIIo. I'm Jane Masterson,
principaI here at Hayden High.

361
00:27:23,898 --> 00:27:25,456
MIKE:
Hi.

362
00:27:37,779 --> 00:27:39,440
HeIIo.

363
00:27:39,614 --> 00:27:40,638
HeIIo.

364
00:27:40,815 --> 00:27:42,976
JANE: Hi.
-Hi.

365
00:27:43,685 --> 00:27:44,947
Uh, okay.

366
00:27:46,154 --> 00:27:47,917
Yeah, I think we're good here.

367
00:27:48,289 --> 00:27:49,847
Sorry.

368
00:27:51,526 --> 00:27:53,892
I think our hands just made a baby.

369
00:27:54,062 --> 00:27:58,761
Excuse my dad. He's not used to
taIking to attractive women.

370
00:27:58,933 --> 00:28:00,560
Oh, thank you...

371
00:28:01,336 --> 00:28:02,598
-Mark.
JANE:...Mark...

372
00:28:02,770 --> 00:28:06,433
...for that fIattering
yet totaIIy inappropriate comment.

373
00:28:06,608 --> 00:28:07,836
PIease sit.

374
00:28:09,911 --> 00:28:13,972
Before we get started, I think you shouId
know that, uh, Mark's a bastard.

375
00:28:15,350 --> 00:28:16,442
Excuse me?

376
00:28:16,618 --> 00:28:18,609
I had him out of wedIock, so...

377
00:28:19,254 --> 00:28:20,983
...I'm singIe.

378
00:28:21,322 --> 00:28:22,482
And I'm very rich.

379
00:28:22,890 --> 00:28:24,881
[CHUCKLING]

380
00:28:25,760 --> 00:28:27,318
Okay.

381
00:28:27,495 --> 00:28:30,020
-Did you bring your transcripts?
-Oh, yeah.

382
00:28:30,832 --> 00:28:32,265
Transcripts.

383
00:28:32,433 --> 00:28:36,096
JANE: Last schooI you went to was
CutIer High in Connecticut.

384
00:28:36,271 --> 00:28:38,262
Straight-A student. Very impressive.

385
00:28:40,141 --> 00:28:41,165
Math cIub...

386
00:28:41,342 --> 00:28:43,674
...NationaI Merit finaIist...

387
00:28:43,845 --> 00:28:46,939
...Coney IsIand
Hot Dog Eating Champion.

388
00:28:47,915 --> 00:28:49,405
[CHUCKLES]

389
00:28:52,020 --> 00:28:55,046
WeII, I think Hayden
wouId be Iucky to have you.

390
00:28:55,857 --> 00:28:58,155
-WeIcome.
-Thank you.

391
00:29:04,432 --> 00:29:06,866
Uh, yes, Mr. GoId.
Do you have a question?

392
00:29:08,102 --> 00:29:09,899
Your hair is pretty.

393
00:29:10,772 --> 00:29:14,139
Ah. Not a question, but thank you.

394
00:29:15,576 --> 00:29:17,806
WouId the Iady mind if I smeIIed it?

395
00:29:17,979 --> 00:29:21,574
Now is probabIy a good time to teII you
that I don't date students' parents.

396
00:29:22,283 --> 00:29:27,050
WeII, maybe I shouId teII you that I never
don't not date the principaI of my chiId.

397
00:29:27,221 --> 00:29:30,019
Okay, come on, Dad. Come on, Dad.

398
00:29:30,191 --> 00:29:32,284
Let's go.

399
00:29:33,261 --> 00:29:35,024
NED:
I was about to cIose!

400
00:29:35,863 --> 00:29:38,423
MIKE: You have to do it right now?
Just caIm down. You're a dad.

401
00:29:38,599 --> 00:29:42,194
-Hi. Oh, my gosh. We're in.
-You see her undress me with her eyes?

402
00:29:42,370 --> 00:29:44,201
I don't think that's what that was.

403
00:29:44,372 --> 00:29:47,500
Hey. Wow. I don't know how we did it.

404
00:29:47,675 --> 00:29:49,302
It's Maggie's friends. Watch this.

405
00:29:49,477 --> 00:29:52,002
-Hey, girIs, how's it going?
JAIME: Do I know you?

406
00:29:52,180 --> 00:29:53,477
What'd you do, mug K-Fed?

407
00:29:53,648 --> 00:29:55,445
[LAUGHING]

408
00:29:57,752 --> 00:30:00,414
WeIcome to the bottom
of the food chain.

409
00:30:02,623 --> 00:30:06,024
Hey, Iook, you aIways had
my back in high schooI, okay?

410
00:30:06,194 --> 00:30:08,924
So if your spirit guide
wants you to be a fake teenager...

411
00:30:09,097 --> 00:30:11,065
...and me to be your fake dad...

412
00:30:11,232 --> 00:30:14,395
...the Ieast I can do is make sure
that my fake son doesn't Iook...

413
00:30:15,303 --> 00:30:17,066
...Iike a totaI douche.

414
00:30:17,538 --> 00:30:20,268
-I don't Iook Iike a douche.
BO Y: What a douche.

415
00:30:20,675 --> 00:30:22,506
We're going shopping.

416
00:30:22,677 --> 00:30:25,305
-ReaIIy?
-Yes, your shirt is bedazzIed.

417
00:30:25,880 --> 00:30:27,814
BedazzIed with rhinestones.

418
00:30:48,136 --> 00:30:49,160
Ooh.

419
00:30:49,337 --> 00:30:51,168
Let's go to schooI.

420
00:30:51,339 --> 00:30:52,465
BO Y:
Hey, yo, check it out.

421
00:30:52,640 --> 00:30:54,130
That's just rude.

422
00:30:57,178 --> 00:30:58,202
[CAR BEEPING]

423
00:31:27,208 --> 00:31:29,199
[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]

424
00:31:30,778 --> 00:31:32,769
[CHATTERING]

425
00:31:36,350 --> 00:31:38,250
What's up, dude?

426
00:31:44,058 --> 00:31:45,753
What are you Iooking at, punk?

427
00:31:47,195 --> 00:31:49,186
BO Y 1 : Watch it.
BO Y 2: Wake up, douche.

428
00:31:51,966 --> 00:31:53,797
Sorry.

429
00:31:54,635 --> 00:31:56,000
[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]

430
00:31:56,370 --> 00:31:59,237
No phones, no texting.

431
00:31:59,407 --> 00:32:00,806
[CHATTERING AND
CELL PHONES RINGING]

432
00:32:00,975 --> 00:32:03,637
SettIe, peopIe. SettIe down.

433
00:32:03,811 --> 00:32:06,473
Take the roughhousing outside, cIass.

434
00:32:06,647 --> 00:32:08,638
[CELL PHONE RINGING]

435
00:32:11,285 --> 00:32:12,684
HeIIo?

436
00:32:13,521 --> 00:32:15,989
-HeIIo?
-Where the heII are you?

437
00:32:17,859 --> 00:32:19,554
Oh, cr--

438
00:32:19,727 --> 00:32:22,753
-The thing.
SCARLET: You mean our divorce?

439
00:32:22,930 --> 00:32:24,659
Do you take any of this seriousIy?

440
00:32:24,832 --> 00:32:27,858
No, no! Yes, I take this seriousIy.

441
00:32:28,035 --> 00:32:31,664
I had to Ieave the country
very suddenIy, uh...

442
00:32:31,839 --> 00:32:34,569
...with the Mayan-- Inca,
I'm with the Incas in Peru.

443
00:32:34,742 --> 00:32:36,710
[O VER SPEAKERPHONE]
<i>We think we might have found the next...</i>

444
00:32:38,045 --> 00:32:39,069
...Rogaine.

445
00:32:39,280 --> 00:32:40,406
[GIRLS LAUGHING]

446
00:32:41,048 --> 00:32:42,447
Are you with a girI?

447
00:32:42,617 --> 00:32:45,415
No, no. It's, uh, a bunch of cheerIeaders.

448
00:32:45,586 --> 00:32:49,044
So wouId you consider
maybe dating a 1 0th-grader?

449
00:32:49,223 --> 00:32:51,123
I think we couId go for fuII custody.

450
00:32:51,292 --> 00:32:53,351
No, you can't take my kids
away from me.

451
00:32:53,528 --> 00:32:55,621
Since when do you care?

452
00:33:00,334 --> 00:33:01,358
MIKE:
Look...

453
00:33:03,271 --> 00:33:05,739
...I'm a Iot cIoser to them than you think.

454
00:33:05,907 --> 00:33:08,307
Let's rescheduIe, okay?

455
00:33:10,778 --> 00:33:12,336
Hey, Maggie.

456
00:33:15,583 --> 00:33:18,143
Um, why is the new kid waving at me?

457
00:33:18,319 --> 00:33:20,048
SAMANTHA:
I don't know.

458
00:33:20,221 --> 00:33:22,212
But if that boy were an appIe...

459
00:33:22,390 --> 00:33:23,857
...he'd be a DeIicious.

460
00:33:24,659 --> 00:33:26,126
MIKE:
Oh, God.

461
00:33:30,231 --> 00:33:33,564
Gosh, we are aII in such great shape.

462
00:33:33,734 --> 00:33:35,292
Oh, jeez.

463
00:33:35,469 --> 00:33:38,563
Man, you know, I wiII teII you something.

464
00:33:38,739 --> 00:33:41,640
In 1 0 years you're going
to have this thing right here...

465
00:33:41,809 --> 00:33:46,439
...that no amount of crunches wiII
get rid of. And spot reduction, totaI Iie.

466
00:33:46,614 --> 00:33:48,479
You know, I--

467
00:33:49,584 --> 00:33:51,609
Never mind. Give me the baII.

468
00:33:52,486 --> 00:33:53,851
Fakes right, goes Ieft.

469
00:33:54,021 --> 00:33:55,955
And signature move.

470
00:33:57,458 --> 00:33:58,857
Kid.

471
00:34:02,263 --> 00:34:04,959
-I'm Coach Murphy.
-Oh, wow.

472
00:34:05,132 --> 00:34:07,692
-You're stiII here?
-What?

473
00:34:08,869 --> 00:34:10,131
You're a Iegend.

474
00:34:10,304 --> 00:34:13,569
Yeah. WeII, yeah. Twenty years.

475
00:34:13,741 --> 00:34:16,232
It's actuaIIy my Iast one.

476
00:34:16,410 --> 00:34:19,140
Good hops, kid. Nice handIe.

477
00:34:19,714 --> 00:34:21,272
We're Iooking for a point guard.

478
00:34:21,682 --> 00:34:22,842
Oh, yeah?

479
00:34:24,585 --> 00:34:28,214
-Why don't you come to tryouts?
-Okay.

480
00:34:29,090 --> 00:34:31,615
-I'm done taIking to you.
-Yeah, yeah.

481
00:34:32,193 --> 00:34:34,184
[PHONE RINGING]

482
00:34:34,595 --> 00:34:35,653
Hey, how's it going?

483
00:34:35,830 --> 00:34:36,854
MIKE [O VER PHONE] :
<i>Things are looking up.</i>

484
00:34:37,031 --> 00:34:39,864
Coach Murphy practicaIIy
put me on the team.

485
00:34:40,034 --> 00:34:42,628
That's not a coincidence.
We're on the path.

486
00:34:42,803 --> 00:34:46,034
That's great. That's super you're finding
your destiny and, bIah, bIah, whatever.

487
00:34:46,207 --> 00:34:48,641
Here's something.
I need you to do something for me.

488
00:34:48,809 --> 00:34:50,401
I need you to get in troubIe.

489
00:34:50,578 --> 00:34:52,011
Not, Iike, big troubIe.

490
00:34:52,179 --> 00:34:55,842
Just enough troubIe so that the principaI
needs to meet with your father.

491
00:34:56,017 --> 00:34:57,644
Yeah, okay, weII, we'II see.

492
00:34:57,818 --> 00:34:59,843
-Oh! Boom.
BO Y [O VER COMPUTER] : <i>Ned!</i>

493
00:35:00,021 --> 00:35:01,147
NED:
Boom. Checkmate, Samir!

494
00:35:01,322 --> 00:35:03,153
-<i>Damn it!</i>
NED: Checkmate.

495
00:35:03,858 --> 00:35:06,656
BO Y:
Uh, can I get a IittIe heIp in here?

496
00:35:09,530 --> 00:35:10,656
AIex?

497
00:35:17,538 --> 00:35:18,937
How does it--?

498
00:35:20,508 --> 00:35:23,204
-Who did this to you?
-The basketbaII team.

499
00:35:24,378 --> 00:35:27,779
But why? Why? You're one of them.

500
00:35:28,149 --> 00:35:29,173
You're popuIar.

501
00:35:29,850 --> 00:35:34,014
Uh, Iook, this is kind of personaI,
and I don't know you.

502
00:35:34,188 --> 00:35:35,382
-I'm taped to the toiIet.
-Yeah.

503
00:35:35,556 --> 00:35:40,118
I'm sorry, I'm Mark GoId, uh,
your uncIe Ned's kid. I just started here.

504
00:35:40,294 --> 00:35:42,353
Oh, cooI. CooI, yeah.

505
00:35:42,530 --> 00:35:44,725
WeII, I'd shake your hand...

506
00:35:44,899 --> 00:35:47,026
-...but it's taped to my ass.
-Right. Right.

507
00:35:47,201 --> 00:35:48,395
WouId you mind?

508
00:35:48,569 --> 00:35:51,299
-Yeah, yeah, sure.
-Yeah, um.

509
00:35:51,472 --> 00:35:53,633
-Just rip.
-I'm going to get it.

510
00:35:54,642 --> 00:35:55,904
-Band-Aid.
-Go for it.

511
00:35:57,678 --> 00:35:58,906
[SQUEALS]

512
00:36:00,247 --> 00:36:01,942
ALEX:
So how come we never met?

513
00:36:03,984 --> 00:36:06,976
My mom didn't want anyone to know
she had a kid with Ned.

514
00:36:07,655 --> 00:36:09,213
-That makes sense.
-Yeah.

515
00:36:09,490 --> 00:36:12,288
So since we're practicaIIy
famiIy and aII...

516
00:36:12,460 --> 00:36:15,987
...my dad says we shouId just
keep an eye on each other, you know?

517
00:36:16,163 --> 00:36:17,596
Uh, yeah. Why not?

518
00:36:17,765 --> 00:36:20,825
Next time you couId get there
before they tape me to the toiIet.

519
00:36:21,001 --> 00:36:22,525
You got it.

520
00:36:24,605 --> 00:36:26,436
This Iooks good.

521
00:36:32,179 --> 00:36:33,544
Who's that?

522
00:36:33,781 --> 00:36:34,975
Oh, uh....

523
00:36:35,149 --> 00:36:36,810
-NicoIe.
-Are you two going out?

524
00:36:36,984 --> 00:36:39,544
No, no, she's the, uh, head cheerIeader.

525
00:36:40,020 --> 00:36:41,510
She'd never go out with me.

526
00:36:41,689 --> 00:36:44,522
You know, when I first met
your mother, I was so nervous--

527
00:36:44,692 --> 00:36:46,159
You met my mother?

528
00:36:46,327 --> 00:36:47,589
-What?
-My mother.

529
00:36:47,762 --> 00:36:50,458
You said, ''The first time I met
your mother, I was nervous.''

530
00:36:50,831 --> 00:36:53,766
-Oh, that's weird. Is your mom hot?
-Dude, what--?

531
00:36:53,934 --> 00:36:57,836
-What do I say to that?
-I was joking. Joking, dude.

532
00:37:01,675 --> 00:37:03,040
ALEX:
Stan.

533
00:37:05,713 --> 00:37:07,203
I hate that guy.

534
00:37:07,815 --> 00:37:10,045
-Oh.
-Thanks.

535
00:37:10,217 --> 00:37:11,241
BO Y: What?
-Huh.

536
00:37:11,418 --> 00:37:13,579
-Freshman.
STAN: Good sandwich.

537
00:37:14,955 --> 00:37:17,219
Is that the guy
who taped you to the toiIet?

538
00:37:17,391 --> 00:37:18,585
MIKE:
Yeah.

539
00:37:18,759 --> 00:37:21,785
Yesterday he shoved me in a
washing machine in my own house.

540
00:37:21,962 --> 00:37:25,398
-What was that jerk doing at your house?
-It's Maggie's boyfriend.

541
00:37:26,901 --> 00:37:28,732
Maggie has a boyfriend?

542
00:37:31,105 --> 00:37:32,538
WeII...

543
00:37:33,274 --> 00:37:35,572
...I'm very disappointed in your sister.

544
00:37:36,710 --> 00:37:39,975
He's Iooking. Don't make eye contact.
He's kind of temperamentaI.

545
00:37:40,648 --> 00:37:43,412
-You're Iooking. Stop it, stop it.
-I'II Iook at him.

546
00:37:43,584 --> 00:37:45,449
STAN:
Hey, twinkIe douche.

547
00:37:46,720 --> 00:37:51,316
If I wanted you in the cafeteria,
I wouId've taped you to a Iunch Iady.

548
00:37:52,092 --> 00:37:54,322
MIKE:
You IittIe punk.

549
00:37:54,495 --> 00:37:56,725
You don't taIk to him that way.

550
00:37:57,865 --> 00:37:58,991
[CHUCKLES]

551
00:37:59,700 --> 00:38:01,031
STAN:
Yeah?

552
00:38:02,803 --> 00:38:03,895
What are you gonna do?

553
00:38:08,909 --> 00:38:10,035
What am I gonna do?

554
00:38:12,479 --> 00:38:13,707
First...

555
00:38:15,182 --> 00:38:16,706
...I'm going to caII your father.

556
00:38:17,351 --> 00:38:19,342
[LAUGHING]

557
00:38:20,321 --> 00:38:21,845
Heads up!

558
00:38:30,397 --> 00:38:33,264
Give me my baII back, bitch.

559
00:38:33,434 --> 00:38:35,766
You know, Stan, I feeI sorry for you.

560
00:38:36,403 --> 00:38:38,963
-You don't know me.
-Oh, but I do.

561
00:38:39,139 --> 00:38:40,800
AII too weII.

562
00:38:41,609 --> 00:38:42,837
You're the man.

563
00:38:43,010 --> 00:38:45,103
Captain of the basketbaII team.

564
00:38:45,279 --> 00:38:47,543
Dates the pretty girIs.

565
00:38:48,582 --> 00:38:50,880
High schooI is your kingdom.

566
00:38:51,785 --> 00:38:53,753
But, peopIe...

567
00:38:53,921 --> 00:38:56,014
...Stan's a buIIy.

568
00:38:56,190 --> 00:38:57,657
Why?

569
00:38:57,825 --> 00:39:03,764
It'd be way too easy to say Stan preys
on the weak simpIy because he's a dick.

570
00:39:03,931 --> 00:39:05,159
No.

571
00:39:05,332 --> 00:39:07,459
No, no.

572
00:39:07,635 --> 00:39:09,296
Stan here...

573
00:39:10,070 --> 00:39:12,300
...is much more compIex than that.

574
00:39:12,773 --> 00:39:15,469
See, according to Ieading psychiatrists...

575
00:39:15,643 --> 00:39:18,942
...Stan's a buIIy for one of three reasons.

576
00:39:19,680 --> 00:39:21,079
One:

577
00:39:21,882 --> 00:39:23,782
Underneath aII of that maIe bravado...

578
00:39:23,951 --> 00:39:27,853
...there's an insecure IittIe girI banging
on the cIoset door trying to get out.

579
00:39:28,022 --> 00:39:29,580
[LAUGHING]

580
00:39:31,025 --> 00:39:32,515
Two:

581
00:39:32,693 --> 00:39:34,422
Like a caveman...

582
00:39:34,595 --> 00:39:36,756
...Stan's brain is...

583
00:39:36,931 --> 00:39:39,297
...underdeveIoped.

584
00:39:39,466 --> 00:39:42,492
Therefore, Stan is unabIe
to use seIf-controI.

585
00:39:42,670 --> 00:39:44,831
And so he acts out aggressiveIy.

586
00:39:46,073 --> 00:39:48,007
And the third reason:

587
00:39:48,909 --> 00:39:50,467
Stan has a smaII wiener.

588
00:39:50,644 --> 00:39:52,635
[CROWD GASPING]

589
00:40:10,097 --> 00:40:12,088
Don't hurt yourseIf, big boy.

590
00:40:22,076 --> 00:40:24,977
Whoa, whoa, hey. Drinking age is stiII 21 ,
thank you very much.

591
00:40:25,145 --> 00:40:28,979
UnIess your spirit guide gave you
a fake ID, this is mine.

592
00:40:33,487 --> 00:40:34,511
What are you eating?

593
00:40:34,688 --> 00:40:37,452
I don't even know.
I just know I'm hungry.

594
00:40:37,624 --> 00:40:39,057
AII the time.

595
00:40:39,226 --> 00:40:40,955
Okay, that's not safe or sanitary.

596
00:40:41,128 --> 00:40:43,858
That's your can now.
We'II IabeI it Iike that.

597
00:40:47,067 --> 00:40:49,262
So, what did you Iearn at schooI today?

598
00:40:51,372 --> 00:40:54,273
-That I'm a bad dad.
-I thought it was going great.

599
00:40:54,441 --> 00:40:57,239
It was going fantastic for me.

600
00:40:57,411 --> 00:40:58,844
And then what?

601
00:41:01,148 --> 00:41:05,209
And then I found out my son spent the
Iast year being the schooI punching bag...

602
00:41:05,386 --> 00:41:09,152
...and watched my daughter get a
tongue bath from a psychopathic jackass.

603
00:41:09,556 --> 00:41:11,183
High schooI's deIightfuI, isn't it?

604
00:41:11,358 --> 00:41:14,725
Yeah. But I think I was wrong
about my spirit path.

605
00:41:14,895 --> 00:41:17,022
NED:
And who was right? See? I toId you.

606
00:41:17,197 --> 00:41:19,188
I toId you high schooI
was the wrong thing.

607
00:41:19,366 --> 00:41:23,063
High schooI was right,
but it's not about basketbaII.

608
00:41:23,237 --> 00:41:25,762
It's about heIping AIex and Maggie.

609
00:41:28,308 --> 00:41:29,332
Mmm.

610
00:41:30,677 --> 00:41:32,542
AII right. I'm getting out of here.

611
00:41:33,414 --> 00:41:35,814
-Disgusting.
-My kids need their father.

612
00:41:42,623 --> 00:41:45,319
-What's going on?
-Oh, hey, Mark.

613
00:41:48,495 --> 00:41:49,655
What was that?

614
00:41:50,998 --> 00:41:52,556
A three-pointer.

615
00:41:54,435 --> 00:41:56,426
Can you do that twice in a row?

616
00:42:00,340 --> 00:42:03,901
Okay. Let's see you do it
with a IittIe pressure.

617
00:42:10,918 --> 00:42:13,443
Wow, you're great.
You shouId be on the team.

618
00:42:15,089 --> 00:42:18,786
You shouId be on the team.
I'm going to get you on the team.

619
00:42:20,394 --> 00:42:22,794
That's it. That'II soIve everything.

620
00:42:23,130 --> 00:42:25,155
Dude, what are you taIking about?

621
00:42:25,332 --> 00:42:26,697
Nothing.

622
00:42:27,968 --> 00:42:29,799
[CAR HORN HONKING]

623
00:42:33,373 --> 00:42:37,776
WeII, that was fun. I haven't been to
happy hour in, Iike, a week and a haIf.

624
00:42:37,945 --> 00:42:41,108
Naomi, thank you so much.
That is exactIy what I needed.

625
00:42:41,281 --> 00:42:42,805
NAOMI:
Oh, great.

626
00:42:42,983 --> 00:42:45,543
SCARLET: Mike who?
-Mike who? I've never heard of the guy.

627
00:42:45,719 --> 00:42:46,981
Ow.

628
00:42:48,021 --> 00:42:50,956
Hey, Mom, this is Mark,
UncIe Ned's bastard.

629
00:42:51,391 --> 00:42:52,415
Wow.

630
00:42:52,593 --> 00:42:55,687
I know. Someone had a kid
with UncIe Ned. Ew.

631
00:42:57,297 --> 00:42:59,356
You okay, Mrs. O'DonneII?

632
00:43:00,167 --> 00:43:01,191
Yeah, I'm fine.

633
00:43:01,368 --> 00:43:04,269
It's ''Ms.,'' kid. It's ''Ms.,'' ScarIet.
Don't forget that.

634
00:43:04,438 --> 00:43:05,666
Oh, right.

635
00:43:06,006 --> 00:43:07,337
Wow.

636
00:43:10,144 --> 00:43:11,304
Wow.

637
00:43:12,613 --> 00:43:16,310
You Iook just Iike my husband.
Doesn't he?

638
00:43:16,483 --> 00:43:19,782
-My ex-husband. That is so weird.
-Heh, heh.

639
00:43:19,953 --> 00:43:21,079
It is weird.

640
00:43:21,255 --> 00:43:22,882
SCARLET:
What is that?

641
00:43:23,056 --> 00:43:24,523
NAOMI:
ScarIet, I need you to come.

642
00:43:24,691 --> 00:43:25,919
SCARLET:
Weird.

643
00:43:26,093 --> 00:43:27,583
-Do you see that?
-I did see it.

644
00:43:28,629 --> 00:43:30,062
SCARLET: You see him?
-She's nice.

645
00:43:30,464 --> 00:43:31,488
But Iook at him.

646
00:43:31,665 --> 00:43:34,828
You gotta Iet that guy go,
just out of your brain and move on.

647
00:43:35,002 --> 00:43:37,994
I know you need to grieve
a reIationship. It's onIy naturaI.

648
00:43:38,172 --> 00:43:39,434
Okay.

649
00:43:39,606 --> 00:43:42,166
You wait here.
I'm going to go smeII him.

650
00:43:42,342 --> 00:43:45,675
No, no, no. Sweetie.
You're not aIIowed to smeII teenagers.

651
00:43:45,846 --> 00:43:49,111
Sweetie, you need to hear me on this.
Here's the thing.

652
00:43:49,283 --> 00:43:51,148
The other thing,
you need to acknowIedge...

653
00:43:51,318 --> 00:43:54,583
...that he Iooks exactIy Iike Mike
used to Iook in high schooI.

654
00:43:54,755 --> 00:43:58,521
We discussed that. I have Iooked at him.
But, honey, this is the thing:

655
00:43:58,692 --> 00:44:00,785
You need to hook up with someone new.

656
00:44:00,961 --> 00:44:05,762
Yeah, I deserve to have somebody
smiIe at me and teII me I'm pretty.

657
00:44:05,933 --> 00:44:07,594
-You do.
-Even if it is...

658
00:44:07,768 --> 00:44:10,202
...to just get me to go home with him.

659
00:44:10,370 --> 00:44:15,239
Or Iunch. But, yes, we're gonna
find you a new pIaymate. Ow!

660
00:44:15,409 --> 00:44:17,877
You IittIe turd. You IittIe snot.

661
00:44:18,045 --> 00:44:19,535
My bad. Gosh, I'm so sorry.

662
00:44:19,713 --> 00:44:23,774
I guess I was, uh, kind of distracted,
as I imagine AIex was...

663
00:44:23,951 --> 00:44:27,250
...at hearing about how his mother,
who is stiII married, by the way...

664
00:44:27,421 --> 00:44:29,912
...is pIanning to run around
with every guy she can get.

665
00:44:30,090 --> 00:44:33,890
In Afghanistan, she'd be dragged through
the streets by goats with her hands cut off.

666
00:44:34,061 --> 00:44:35,961
I'm just saying. I'm just saying, Naomi.

667
00:44:36,129 --> 00:44:38,427
-Naomi.
-I don't care.

668
00:44:50,444 --> 00:44:52,435
[MO ANING]

669
00:44:52,613 --> 00:44:53,637
[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]

670
00:44:53,814 --> 00:44:55,714
-Hey, guys.
MAGGIE: Oh.

671
00:44:56,116 --> 00:44:57,811
Okay, settIe down. Take your seats.

672
00:44:57,985 --> 00:45:01,682
Thank you, thank you. Thank you, Stan.
Thank you.

673
00:45:02,089 --> 00:45:07,493
Okay, today we wiII be continuing
our discussion on human sexuaIity.

674
00:45:07,661 --> 00:45:12,621
And as we discussed,
the officiaI schooI poIicy is abstinence.

675
00:45:12,799 --> 00:45:14,528
Now, that is very sensibIe.

676
00:45:14,701 --> 00:45:17,636
I'm gIad that someone here
has their head screwed on straight.

677
00:45:17,804 --> 00:45:21,433
I think aII of us shouId make a pact
to abstain from sex.

678
00:45:21,608 --> 00:45:23,838
Now, who's with me, you guys?
Come on.

679
00:45:24,011 --> 00:45:25,035
[LAUGHING]

680
00:45:25,212 --> 00:45:26,270
Oh, my God.

681
00:45:29,016 --> 00:45:30,950
-Maggie?
-Hm?

682
00:45:31,752 --> 00:45:33,310
DELL:
However, Iet's get reaI.

683
00:45:33,487 --> 00:45:36,786
I know asking high schooI seniors
to be abstinent...

684
00:45:36,957 --> 00:45:40,893
...is Iike asking a porcupine
to poop goat cheese. Yuck.

685
00:45:41,261 --> 00:45:45,561
So since the majority of you are or wiII
become sexuaIIy active at some point--

686
00:45:45,732 --> 00:45:50,499
But that point shouId be way,
way in the future, right?

687
00:45:50,671 --> 00:45:53,162
WeII, the officiaI schooI position...

688
00:45:53,340 --> 00:45:55,570
...is that we prepare you
for safe sex now.

689
00:45:55,742 --> 00:45:56,766
[MO ANING]

690
00:45:56,943 --> 00:45:59,741
So pIease take one and pass it down.

691
00:46:05,585 --> 00:46:07,416
I have needs.

692
00:46:07,587 --> 00:46:08,918
[STAN SNICKERS]

693
00:46:09,089 --> 00:46:12,820
-You don't need these.
DELL: Stan, give one to Mark.

694
00:46:12,993 --> 00:46:17,157
No. No, you know what, he's right.
He's right. I don't need one.

695
00:46:17,331 --> 00:46:21,062
You know why I don't need one?
Because there's no one I'm in Iove with.

696
00:46:21,234 --> 00:46:23,293
It's caIIed ''making Iove,'' isn't it?

697
00:46:23,470 --> 00:46:28,840
Maybe I'm oId-fashioned, but I think that
means you do it with someone you Iove.

698
00:46:29,076 --> 00:46:31,408
And preferabIy when you're married.

699
00:46:31,578 --> 00:46:36,345
You know, when you're ready to take
that Iove and turn it into a baby.

700
00:46:37,651 --> 00:46:39,812
Because that's what Iove is.

701
00:46:39,986 --> 00:46:43,080
It's that first moment
when you hoId your baby girI...

702
00:46:43,890 --> 00:46:48,918
...and you didn't know that anything
couId be so smaII or so deIicate.

703
00:46:49,096 --> 00:46:52,031
And you feeI that tiny heart beat...

704
00:46:52,632 --> 00:46:56,728
...and you know that you couIdn't Iove
anything more in the whoIe worId.

705
00:46:58,138 --> 00:47:01,301
And you hope that you can do right
by that IittIe girI...

706
00:47:02,175 --> 00:47:06,202
...and aIways be there to catch her when
she faIIs, and that nothing ever hurts her.

707
00:47:06,380 --> 00:47:08,905
Not a broken arm...

708
00:47:09,850 --> 00:47:11,283
...or a bad dream...

709
00:47:14,054 --> 00:47:15,817
...or a broken heart.

710
00:47:22,129 --> 00:47:24,393
-I don't want these. Just take them.
LAUREN: Me either.

711
00:47:24,564 --> 00:47:25,929
Are you serious?

712
00:47:26,400 --> 00:47:28,868
Great, fine, wonderfuI.

713
00:47:29,035 --> 00:47:30,730
More for me.

714
00:47:31,238 --> 00:47:33,798
Now I got enough
for the whoIe weekend.

715
00:47:34,908 --> 00:47:36,170
[GRUNTING]

716
00:47:37,043 --> 00:47:38,067
Oh, my God!

717
00:47:38,245 --> 00:47:39,678
[STUDENTS YELLING INDISTINCTLY]

718
00:47:39,846 --> 00:47:42,041
-Stan!
-Boys, stop it!

719
00:47:42,282 --> 00:47:43,943
Break it up! Get off him, Stan!

720
00:47:46,119 --> 00:47:47,746
Put those phones away! Stop it!

721
00:47:48,655 --> 00:47:50,418
-Stop hitting him!
DELL: No fighting!

722
00:47:51,858 --> 00:47:54,418
-You Iike that?
-You're gonna go to jaiI again.

723
00:47:58,698 --> 00:48:00,666
BO Y: Look at that.
He sIapped him Iike a mother.

724
00:48:00,834 --> 00:48:02,301
GIRL:
That thing sucks.

725
00:48:04,037 --> 00:48:06,335
-Oh!
-Oh, that's wrong.

726
00:48:07,707 --> 00:48:10,073
Yo, check this out.
My cousin in New York sent it to me.

727
00:48:10,243 --> 00:48:11,437
[LAUGHS]

728
00:48:11,611 --> 00:48:13,602
[MIKE SHRIEKING ON RECORDING]

729
00:48:20,921 --> 00:48:23,583
I hope I'm not Iate for our meeting.

730
00:48:23,757 --> 00:48:26,851
Busted for fighting, nice. Who won?

731
00:48:27,027 --> 00:48:30,019
You know, it was actuaIIy pretty even.

732
00:48:30,497 --> 00:48:31,691
ReaIIy?

733
00:48:31,865 --> 00:48:34,231
On YouTube it Iooked Iike
you got your ass kicked.

734
00:48:34,401 --> 00:48:36,266
I saw it a coupIe times.

735
00:48:37,204 --> 00:48:39,104
-What are you wearing?
-Hm?

736
00:48:39,539 --> 00:48:41,598
-Beckham.
-No, what?

737
00:48:41,775 --> 00:48:43,299
Oh, the cIothes. Oh, right.

738
00:48:43,477 --> 00:48:45,809
To the untrained eye,
I Iook Iike a totaI idiot.

739
00:48:45,979 --> 00:48:47,310
You do, in fact.

740
00:48:47,481 --> 00:48:51,975
Ah. But it's actuaIIy a seduction technique
known as ''peacocking.''

741
00:48:52,152 --> 00:48:56,384
My outfit serves the duaI function
of icebreaker and attention-getter.

742
00:48:58,024 --> 00:48:59,321
You can go in now.

743
00:48:59,893 --> 00:49:01,417
Watch.

744
00:49:08,235 --> 00:49:09,600
Are you peacocking?

745
00:49:10,537 --> 00:49:12,437
ReaIIy? You think that's gonna work?

746
00:49:12,606 --> 00:49:14,039
I think it just might.

747
00:49:23,783 --> 00:49:27,810
Is that...? Mrs. O'DonneII!
How you doing?

748
00:49:27,988 --> 00:49:29,148
HeIIo, how are you?

749
00:49:29,322 --> 00:49:30,721
I'm good. How are you?

750
00:49:30,891 --> 00:49:32,483
Good.

751
00:49:33,693 --> 00:49:36,321
Wow.
This is gonna take some getting used to.

752
00:49:37,130 --> 00:49:38,222
You're Ned's son?

753
00:49:38,398 --> 00:49:40,662
Yeah. Yeah. Ned gave birth to me.

754
00:49:40,834 --> 00:49:43,598
WeII, he didn't give birth--
You know what I meant.

755
00:49:45,171 --> 00:49:47,435
You're doing some gardening.

756
00:49:47,607 --> 00:49:50,075
-I'm redoing the backyard.
-Oh.

757
00:49:50,310 --> 00:49:51,368
You want to see?

758
00:49:51,545 --> 00:49:54,378
Yeah, sure. I got some time.

759
00:49:57,017 --> 00:49:58,314
Oh, wow.

760
00:49:58,485 --> 00:50:02,819
Yeah. ObviousIy, I stiII have a Iot to do.

761
00:50:02,989 --> 00:50:05,082
-You can put that--
-Right here?

762
00:50:05,258 --> 00:50:06,555
AII right.

763
00:50:07,294 --> 00:50:08,886
Thank you.

764
00:50:09,095 --> 00:50:11,063
-So this is it.
-This is it.

765
00:50:11,231 --> 00:50:12,664
It used to Iook a Iot worse.

766
00:50:12,832 --> 00:50:13,992
[LAUGHS]

767
00:50:14,167 --> 00:50:15,691
Mm-mm.

768
00:50:16,303 --> 00:50:21,400
BasicaIIy, uh, what I pIanned to do was
to put a pond in over here...

769
00:50:21,575 --> 00:50:24,100
-Okay.
-...and have water...

770
00:50:24,277 --> 00:50:26,871
...streaming in from both sides.

771
00:50:27,514 --> 00:50:31,109
And then put a big deck right here...

772
00:50:31,284 --> 00:50:37,018
...and then a fIagstone patio there
with sod in between.

773
00:50:37,190 --> 00:50:38,589
That wouId be pretty.

774
00:50:38,758 --> 00:50:44,025
And then to have twinkIing Iights
above the whoIe thing...

775
00:50:44,197 --> 00:50:46,688
...so that every night is a starry one.

776
00:50:46,866 --> 00:50:48,163
Heh.

777
00:50:48,335 --> 00:50:50,701
It's gonna be amazing, Scar.

778
00:50:50,870 --> 00:50:52,098
What did you just caII me?

779
00:50:52,872 --> 00:50:54,100
Uh....

780
00:50:54,274 --> 00:50:56,834
-I just said, ''It'II be amazing.''
-You caIIed me ''Scar.''

781
00:50:57,677 --> 00:50:59,736
My husband's the onIy one
who caIIs me that.

782
00:50:59,913 --> 00:51:01,437
CouId you use some heIp?

783
00:51:02,616 --> 00:51:05,449
VoIunteer. I'm young, I'm strong.

784
00:51:05,619 --> 00:51:07,246
Oh. Oh.

785
00:51:07,420 --> 00:51:09,547
Right, got it. Okay.

786
00:51:09,723 --> 00:51:10,849
[LAUGHS]

787
00:51:12,092 --> 00:51:15,619
I reaIize that whoIe
Iady cougar hunting...

788
00:51:15,795 --> 00:51:20,198
...the ''mothers I'd Iike to,''
you know, whatever, thing...

789
00:51:20,367 --> 00:51:23,700
...is big with you guys, right?
With you high schooI boys?

790
00:51:23,870 --> 00:51:26,464
But that's not gonna happen
between me and you.

791
00:51:26,640 --> 00:51:29,006
I didn't even mean it that way.

792
00:51:29,175 --> 00:51:34,203
I was thinking more aIong the Iines of
business experience, coIIege appIication.

793
00:51:34,381 --> 00:51:36,849
But if you want to go there, that's--

794
00:51:37,017 --> 00:51:39,008
-So I'II just get you a shoveI, then?
-Yeah.

795
00:51:39,185 --> 00:51:40,413
Okay.

796
00:51:43,823 --> 00:51:45,188
[HONKING]

797
00:51:53,433 --> 00:51:54,764
[SCARLET SHRIEKS]

798
00:52:05,745 --> 00:52:07,736
[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

799
00:52:09,582 --> 00:52:11,413
[HORN HONKING]

800
00:52:18,124 --> 00:52:20,115
[HONKING]

801
00:52:28,835 --> 00:52:29,859
What?

802
00:52:40,180 --> 00:52:42,171
[SMOKE ALARM BEEPING]

803
00:52:52,325 --> 00:52:54,316
[HONKING]

804
00:53:07,407 --> 00:53:11,468
MIKE: I said we couId do it!
-CaIIed it.

805
00:53:11,644 --> 00:53:13,771
Did you see the Iook on Stan's face?

806
00:53:13,947 --> 00:53:19,283
AIex? What happened at the tryouts?
How'd it go?

807
00:53:19,519 --> 00:53:23,580
It was good. Mark had a great tryout.
He pIayed great.

808
00:53:23,757 --> 00:53:26,248
-Yeah.
-And so did I. I made the team.

809
00:53:26,426 --> 00:53:29,259
ReaIIy? Oh, great! That's so good.
I'm so proud of you.

810
00:53:29,429 --> 00:53:30,657
Me too.

811
00:53:30,830 --> 00:53:32,320
He did great out there.

812
00:53:32,499 --> 00:53:34,433
Oh, Mark. That's super inappropriate.

813
00:53:34,601 --> 00:53:36,501
I-- Good job today.

814
00:53:36,669 --> 00:53:37,966
-Good job!
-Thanks.

815
00:53:38,138 --> 00:53:41,301
I want to show you something.
Come here. I wanna show you guys.

816
00:53:44,010 --> 00:53:46,342
Ta-da.

817
00:53:47,614 --> 00:53:49,775
-You hung the Iights.
SCARLET: Yes.

818
00:53:50,250 --> 00:53:51,842
-Wow.
-Wow.

819
00:53:52,018 --> 00:53:54,282
I wanted you guys to be the first to see.

820
00:53:54,454 --> 00:53:56,115
-Mom, it's sick.
SCARLET: ReaIIy?

821
00:53:56,289 --> 00:53:58,280
ALEX:
It's so good.

822
00:53:58,758 --> 00:54:00,749
Oh, my gosh.

823
00:54:02,762 --> 00:54:05,560
Mark. Mark, we shouId go practice, dude.

824
00:54:05,732 --> 00:54:08,292
The game's on Friday.
Mom, such a good job.

825
00:54:13,473 --> 00:54:14,963
What do you think?

826
00:54:15,141 --> 00:54:16,506
It's amazing.

827
00:54:16,676 --> 00:54:21,375
When peopIe see how taIented you are,
you'II be designing gardens aII over the city.

828
00:54:21,548 --> 00:54:22,913
ReaIIy?

829
00:54:23,082 --> 00:54:24,743
WeII, thank you, Mark. That's nice.

830
00:54:29,355 --> 00:54:30,379
Oh.

831
00:54:30,557 --> 00:54:35,051
-I have to go. I have a date tonight.
-You have a--? You have a date?

832
00:54:35,228 --> 00:54:38,857
I'm going dancing, which is ridicuIous
because I'm a terribIe dancer.

833
00:54:39,499 --> 00:54:42,366
-You're an amazing dancer.
-What?

834
00:54:43,636 --> 00:54:45,399
-Hm? Ahem.
-Wh--?

835
00:54:45,572 --> 00:54:47,335
You just Iook Iike you can move.

836
00:54:47,507 --> 00:54:49,236
Um, okay.

837
00:54:49,409 --> 00:54:52,936
I'm going to go, so have fun, Mark.

838
00:54:53,112 --> 00:54:54,602
Night.

839
00:54:55,081 --> 00:54:56,446
[MOUTHING]

840
00:55:01,087 --> 00:55:03,180
[TOBY LIGHTMAN'S ''THIS IS LO VE''
PLAYING O VER SPEAKERS]

841
00:55:11,397 --> 00:55:13,991
-What are you Iooking at?
-That was great.

842
00:55:14,801 --> 00:55:16,792
That is The Snake.

843
00:55:17,470 --> 00:55:19,529
That was a very hot dance
when you were 1 .

844
00:55:20,940 --> 00:55:22,874
-Teach it to me.
-I can't.

845
00:55:23,042 --> 00:55:25,169
It's a very advanced step...

846
00:55:25,345 --> 00:55:28,872
...which I know is hard to beIieve
because I make it Iook effortIess.

847
00:55:29,816 --> 00:55:31,716
That's the secret to aII great dancers.

848
00:55:32,685 --> 00:55:34,243
Try me.

849
00:55:34,420 --> 00:55:36,411
[THE PRETENDERS' ''KID''
PLAYING O VER SPEAKERS]

850
00:55:37,257 --> 00:55:39,248
Why did you pick that song?

851
00:55:39,425 --> 00:55:42,883
Oh, I don't know.
It just, uh, kind of spoke to me.

852
00:55:43,062 --> 00:55:45,053
Hm. That's funny.

853
00:55:45,231 --> 00:55:48,132
That's the song that my husband
and I danced to at our wedding.

854
00:55:48,301 --> 00:55:50,428
Hm. A man of good taste.

855
00:55:50,603 --> 00:55:52,696
-Want me to show you some dance moves?
-I'd Iove to.

856
00:55:52,872 --> 00:55:54,134
That I Iearned at my wedding.

857
00:55:54,307 --> 00:55:58,710
-Great.
-Yeah. Okay, you stand here, Iike that.

858
00:55:58,878 --> 00:56:01,346
Okay, Iike that, and I'II stand here.

859
00:56:01,514 --> 00:56:04,506
-No, you stand right there.
-Right there.

860
00:56:04,684 --> 00:56:09,053
Okay, ready? So you go
right foot back and then Ieft foot back.

861
00:56:09,555 --> 00:56:13,150
And then quick
right, Ieft, right, Ieft, right.

862
00:56:13,326 --> 00:56:16,022
And then right-- Oh.

863
00:56:16,195 --> 00:56:19,096
That was good.
And Ieft, right, Ieft, right.

864
00:56:19,933 --> 00:56:21,127
That's good.

865
00:56:21,301 --> 00:56:24,270
That was reaIIy good.
You're picking that up pretty quickIy.

866
00:56:24,437 --> 00:56:26,405
MIKE: So you mentioned your husband.
-Mm-hm.

867
00:56:26,572 --> 00:56:28,836
Do you think you guys are ever
going to get back together?

868
00:56:29,008 --> 00:56:31,169
Um, no.

869
00:56:32,078 --> 00:56:33,705
Why are you so sure?

870
00:56:33,880 --> 00:56:37,077
Maybe there's something he couId do
to fix things.

871
00:56:37,250 --> 00:56:40,413
I Iove my husband and care about him...

872
00:56:42,455 --> 00:56:44,616
...but sometimes that just is not enough.

873
00:56:46,759 --> 00:56:48,784
WeII, he bIew it.

874
00:56:48,962 --> 00:56:50,327
Jump.

875
00:57:06,179 --> 00:57:07,703
-Mom?
-Yeah.

876
00:57:10,616 --> 00:57:11,640
Hey, AIex.

877
00:57:13,119 --> 00:57:15,679
-Mom?
ALEX: I'm your mom.

878
00:57:15,855 --> 00:57:17,846
I am AIex's mom, Mark.

879
00:57:18,024 --> 00:57:19,321
MIKE:
Yeah.

880
00:57:20,159 --> 00:57:22,753
-Your date is here.
-Huh?

881
00:57:23,596 --> 00:57:25,393
-The front door. Your date.
-Okay.

882
00:57:25,765 --> 00:57:27,926
She was nervous. It's creepy, right?

883
00:57:28,101 --> 00:57:29,659
LittIe bit.

884
00:57:29,836 --> 00:57:32,100
She's so oId, it's Iike--

885
00:57:33,239 --> 00:57:34,934
Dance with aII your friend's moms?

886
00:57:35,108 --> 00:57:36,405
MIKE:
Pretty much.

887
00:57:37,176 --> 00:57:38,666
MAN: Oh, hi, ScarIet.
-HeIIo.

888
00:57:38,845 --> 00:57:41,336
-Wow, you Iook amazing. Here. <i>Pour vous.</i>
SCARLET: Oh, thank you.

889
00:57:41,514 --> 00:57:44,074
Carnations. What a douche bag.

890
00:57:44,250 --> 00:57:45,512
Mark.

891
00:57:45,685 --> 00:57:47,619
DEAN: No, that's okay.
-I'm sorry.

892
00:57:47,787 --> 00:57:48,811
DEAN:
I'm a singIe dad.

893
00:57:48,988 --> 00:57:52,617
It's totaIIy normaI for sons to
feeI weird when their moms date.

894
00:57:52,792 --> 00:57:56,057
I mean, he's stepping into
Dad's shoes, protecting the castIe.

895
00:57:56,229 --> 00:57:58,288
-He's not my son, but....
-Oh.

896
00:57:58,965 --> 00:58:00,330
Then that's weird.

897
00:58:00,500 --> 00:58:01,728
-It is.
DEAN: Yeah.

898
00:58:01,901 --> 00:58:03,869
-Uh, do you want to go?
-Yeah.

899
00:58:04,337 --> 00:58:05,463
Let me get my coat.

900
00:58:05,638 --> 00:58:07,435
-Oh, come on.
-HoId these, pIease.

901
00:58:07,607 --> 00:58:08,938
-This guy?
-You're being rude.

902
00:58:09,108 --> 00:58:10,973
-You're going from UncIe Mike to this guy?
-Shh.

903
00:58:11,144 --> 00:58:13,544
-Be quiet.
-Okay.

904
00:58:13,713 --> 00:58:16,546
-Do me a favor. Shh.
-He's a tooI.

905
00:58:16,716 --> 00:58:20,379
Give this to Ned, okay, to give to Mike.
It's our divorce papers.

906
00:58:20,553 --> 00:58:23,818
And remind him that he needs
to be there on the 27th.

907
00:58:23,990 --> 00:58:26,322
Okay? Thank you.

908
00:58:47,413 --> 00:58:48,744
[CAR HORN HONKING]

909
00:58:48,915 --> 00:58:50,906
[LIMP BIZKIT'S ''NOOKIE''
PLAYING O VER SPEAKERS]

910
00:58:51,551 --> 00:58:52,711
Where are you going?

911
00:58:52,885 --> 00:58:54,682
MAGGIE:
Jamie's party.

912
00:58:57,824 --> 00:58:59,451
AIex!

913
00:59:02,295 --> 00:59:05,162
ALEX: Yeah, uh, seriousIy, I can't be here.
I reaIIy can't be here.

914
00:59:05,331 --> 00:59:08,789
Do you know how many dangerous and
hurtfuI things Stan couId do to me here?

915
00:59:08,968 --> 00:59:11,835
You had your head shoved in a
baII return? It's not a massage.

916
00:59:12,004 --> 00:59:14,768
You're on the basketbaII team now.
Okay? This is your party.

917
00:59:15,475 --> 00:59:17,102
ALEX:
Okay, okay, there she is.

918
00:59:17,276 --> 00:59:18,641
There's NicoIe. Oh, God.

919
00:59:18,811 --> 00:59:20,472
-Which one?
ALEX: She's right there.

920
00:59:20,646 --> 00:59:22,477
You're Iooking at-- She's my 3, your 2.

921
00:59:22,648 --> 00:59:24,639
-Stop it. You're Iooking right at her.
-CaIm down.

922
00:59:24,817 --> 00:59:26,045
[BELCHES]

923
00:59:26,219 --> 00:59:27,709
-Sorry.
-What was that?

924
00:59:27,887 --> 00:59:30,014
-Nothing, it was a burp.
-Why are you burping?

925
00:59:30,189 --> 00:59:32,714
-I have tummy issues. What? Get over it.
-Tummy issues?

926
00:59:33,092 --> 00:59:34,957
She's not going to Iike me. I'm a Ioser.

927
00:59:35,128 --> 00:59:38,154
Why are you a Ioser?
Because Stan says you're a Ioser?

928
00:59:38,331 --> 00:59:41,198
Do you think Stan's a winner?
Stan's going nowhere.

929
00:59:41,601 --> 00:59:44,798
Any girI in here wouId be Iucky
to have your attention.

930
00:59:44,971 --> 00:59:48,372
-What do you know about girIs?
-What do I know about girIs?

931
00:59:49,175 --> 00:59:51,507
I used to date the
most beautifuI girI in schooI...

932
00:59:51,677 --> 00:59:53,611
...and I Iet her sIip through my fingers.

933
00:59:54,080 --> 00:59:55,707
But I won't Iet that happen to you.

934
00:59:56,215 --> 00:59:57,477
You're absoIuteIy right.

935
00:59:57,650 --> 01:00:00,312
I'm just going to waIk up to her
and introduce myseIf.

936
01:00:00,987 --> 01:00:03,717
Tomorrow at schooI. Maybe.
ProbabIy not.

937
01:00:03,890 --> 01:00:05,448
Just go.

938
01:00:10,096 --> 01:00:11,996
-Hey, girIs.
-Hey, you came.

939
01:00:12,165 --> 01:00:13,325
-How are you?
-Good.

940
01:00:13,499 --> 01:00:16,059
Thank you, um. Have you seen Maggie?
I've been Iooking everywhere.

941
01:00:16,235 --> 01:00:18,760
Oh, um, Maggie's not here.

942
01:00:18,938 --> 01:00:20,735
But, um, I am.

943
01:00:20,907 --> 01:00:23,535
And I'm reaIIy, reaIIy gIad you came.

944
01:00:24,911 --> 01:00:27,880
LAUREN: It's her birthday.
-I didn't get you a present, I'm sorry.

945
01:00:28,047 --> 01:00:30,880
-I'II just have to unwrap you.
-Heh, heh. Okay.

946
01:00:32,118 --> 01:00:36,680
I was kicked off the cheerIeading squad
for being too fIexibIe.

947
01:00:40,326 --> 01:00:44,228
Okay, okay. Sit down. Just sit down.

948
01:00:46,532 --> 01:00:49,433
If you girIs don't respect yourseIves...

949
01:00:49,602 --> 01:00:53,333
...then how do you expect
anyone eIse to respect you?

950
01:00:53,606 --> 01:00:54,732
Right?

951
01:00:54,907 --> 01:00:55,965
Don't respect me.

952
01:00:56,142 --> 01:00:57,404
No, don't respect me.

953
01:00:57,577 --> 01:00:59,704
You don't even have to
remember my name.

954
01:00:59,879 --> 01:01:01,938
-Wow, that's sIutty.
-First of aII, you sIut.

955
01:01:02,181 --> 01:01:04,376
This is some other dad's probIem.

956
01:01:05,985 --> 01:01:09,079
And, um, I just want to teII you
that you Iook Iike my dog.

957
01:01:09,889 --> 01:01:13,757
-Excuse me?
-Your hair Iooks Iike my dog's hair.

958
01:01:14,026 --> 01:01:16,324
-Oh, um....
-No, it's shiny and soft.

959
01:01:16,495 --> 01:01:18,759
We give my dog speciaI food.
It's got fIax in it.

960
01:01:18,931 --> 01:01:20,831
Oh, fIax.

961
01:01:21,000 --> 01:01:22,661
-She's a sweetheart.
-That's sweet.

962
01:01:22,835 --> 01:01:24,234
WeII, she died.

963
01:01:24,837 --> 01:01:27,362
So I Iook Iike your dead dog?

964
01:01:27,573 --> 01:01:30,667
I'm just reaIIy nervous, and I've wanted
to taIk to you for so Iong.

965
01:01:30,843 --> 01:01:33,175
-What am I thinking?
-Don't worry about it. ReaIIy.

966
01:01:33,346 --> 01:01:35,610
-AIex?
-Oh, my God, you know my name.

967
01:01:35,781 --> 01:01:36,941
You're on fire.

968
01:01:37,149 --> 01:01:40,175
-ReaIIy?
-LiteraIIy, you're on fire.

969
01:01:40,353 --> 01:01:41,411
What?

970
01:01:41,587 --> 01:01:43,077
NICOLE:
LiteraIIy on fire.

971
01:01:43,256 --> 01:01:47,022
Whoa. Okay. Yeah, I'm gonna
get out of here. Later.

972
01:01:52,698 --> 01:01:54,290
Just hand me those keys right there.

973
01:01:54,467 --> 01:01:55,593
BO Y:
They're in for the night.

974
01:01:55,768 --> 01:01:56,826
[LAUGHING]

975
01:01:57,003 --> 01:02:01,804
STAN: If the keys are Iocked in there, I don't
know how I'm going to get you guys out.

976
01:02:02,541 --> 01:02:05,305
Conserve some oxygen in there.

977
01:02:05,478 --> 01:02:08,504
Don't scream, you have
a Iimited amount of oxygen.

978
01:02:09,482 --> 01:02:12,451
They're pretty, huh?
We got some pretty Iadies in here.

979
01:02:13,753 --> 01:02:15,653
Oh, there you are.

980
01:02:22,461 --> 01:02:23,792
[MIKE CLEARS THRO AT]

981
01:02:30,236 --> 01:02:33,171
-What do you want?
-I just want to taIk about Stan.

982
01:02:33,372 --> 01:02:34,771
Yeah?

983
01:02:35,875 --> 01:02:39,641
Why are you dating him?
I mean, you know he is not a nice guy.

984
01:02:39,812 --> 01:02:41,177
He's crazy.

985
01:02:41,347 --> 01:02:44,043
Hey, don't say that about Stan.
You don't even know him.

986
01:02:44,216 --> 01:02:47,743
Oh, but I do. I reaIIy do.
I know him better than you.

987
01:02:47,920 --> 01:02:50,388
Look, we're moving in together
after graduation.

988
01:02:50,589 --> 01:02:52,352
Stan got into Georgetown?

989
01:02:52,958 --> 01:02:54,789
-What?
-What?

990
01:02:54,960 --> 01:02:59,192
No. No. Stan got on the management track
at Home Depot.

991
01:02:59,365 --> 01:03:00,992
Oh, great.

992
01:03:01,167 --> 01:03:05,035
And I'm going to Westwood Community
CoIIege to be cIoser to him.

993
01:03:05,671 --> 01:03:07,571
He's my forever.

994
01:03:10,343 --> 01:03:13,039
-There's no way in heII that's happening.
-Excuse me?

995
01:03:13,212 --> 01:03:16,375
I said, ''There's no way in heII
that that is happening.''

996
01:03:17,216 --> 01:03:19,980
You think I'm gonna Iet you mortgage
your future?

997
01:03:20,186 --> 01:03:22,518
You think I'II Iet you throw away
your hard work...

998
01:03:22,722 --> 01:03:24,883
...everything that you've accompIished...

999
01:03:25,057 --> 01:03:27,617
...for some psychopathic guy
who doesn't care about you?

1000
01:03:27,793 --> 01:03:31,388
I forbid you. I forbid you
to see him anymore.

1001
01:03:31,564 --> 01:03:36,695
Oh, okay! Who the heII do you think
you are, my father?! Dude!

1002
01:03:36,902 --> 01:03:39,200
-Don't waIk away from me.
-You're a freak.

1003
01:03:39,405 --> 01:03:40,872
Margaret Sarah O'DonneII!

1004
01:03:42,675 --> 01:03:45,906
-Hey. How'd it go?
-Fantastic.

1005
01:03:46,912 --> 01:03:48,607
What's on your Ieg?

1006
01:03:49,315 --> 01:03:51,510
CHEERLEADERS [CHANTING] :
<i>We're the Warriors! Yeah, yeah!</i>

1007
01:03:51,717 --> 01:03:53,844
MURPHY:
Remember: defense wins the game.

1008
01:03:54,019 --> 01:03:56,886
What's wrong? You Iook uncomfortabIe.

1009
01:03:57,056 --> 01:03:59,149
Oh. No.

1010
01:04:01,093 --> 01:04:03,687
I was just thinking that
the Iast time I was here...

1011
01:04:03,863 --> 01:04:06,195
...my husband asked me to marry him.

1012
01:04:06,732 --> 01:04:08,063
Wow.

1013
01:04:08,601 --> 01:04:10,398
Tough to compete with that.

1014
01:04:10,569 --> 01:04:11,934
[BUZZER RINGS]

1015
01:04:12,104 --> 01:04:15,198
Down by 6, get the baII to GoId.

1016
01:04:15,374 --> 01:04:17,968
Warriors on three. One, two, three.

1017
01:04:18,144 --> 01:04:19,634
TEAM:
Warriors!

1018
01:04:25,017 --> 01:04:27,417
MURPHY:
Stan, what are you doing? Let's go.

1019
01:04:27,787 --> 01:04:30,620
Go, AIex! Whoo!

1020
01:04:30,790 --> 01:04:31,950
Woo-hoo.

1021
01:04:38,297 --> 01:04:39,696
PLAYER 1 :
Left side.

1022
01:04:46,872 --> 01:04:48,931
[CHEERING]

1023
01:04:54,113 --> 01:04:56,104
PLAYER 2:
Pick off! Right there!

1024
01:04:59,218 --> 01:05:00,845
PLAYER 3:
He's got too much time. Come on!

1025
01:05:06,759 --> 01:05:08,283
PLAYER 4:
Yeah!

1026
01:05:11,230 --> 01:05:13,698
PLAYER 5:
Get it to McKinIey! Get it in! Get it!

1027
01:05:13,966 --> 01:05:15,399
PLAYER 6:
Get him!

1028
01:05:18,137 --> 01:05:19,399
BaII!

1029
01:05:20,773 --> 01:05:22,365
BaII!

1030
01:05:22,741 --> 01:05:24,208
PLAYER 7:
Come on, outside!

1031
01:05:25,911 --> 01:05:29,005
O'DonneII! Give the baII to GoId!
Give the baII to GoId!

1032
01:05:29,181 --> 01:05:31,376
No, no, no!

1033
01:05:31,550 --> 01:05:33,142
[BUZZER RINGS]

1034
01:05:33,385 --> 01:05:35,376
[CROWD CHEERING]

1035
01:05:42,795 --> 01:05:47,164
We did it! You were great. Oh.
Ooh. I, um....

1036
01:05:48,000 --> 01:05:49,797
-I'm sweaty. Um....
-Sorry about that.

1037
01:05:49,969 --> 01:05:51,698
CongratuIa-- That was awesome.

1038
01:05:51,871 --> 01:05:54,704
You did a great--
I saw the-- I Iiked the dance.

1039
01:05:55,274 --> 01:05:59,040
Yeah, so I think August--
August wiII be good.

1040
01:05:59,211 --> 01:06:01,907
AII right, uh, have a good night.

1041
01:06:02,081 --> 01:06:03,446
See you tomorrow.

1042
01:06:12,224 --> 01:06:16,126
Oh. Hi. Wow, what are the odds?

1043
01:06:16,295 --> 01:06:19,389
What's it going to be now?
Did you buy me the Statue of Liberty?

1044
01:06:20,099 --> 01:06:23,000
I'm just going to ask you out, okay?
Like a grownup.

1045
01:06:23,168 --> 01:06:24,658
Just two friends having dinner.

1046
01:06:24,837 --> 01:06:30,070
Then if it turns into anything eIse,
we'II cross that bridge when we come to it.

1047
01:06:30,876 --> 01:06:32,935
No. Good night.

1048
01:06:34,179 --> 01:06:35,737
I'II buy every student a Iaptop.

1049
01:06:38,350 --> 01:06:41,080
You wouId deny the chiIdren of Iaptops?

1050
01:06:41,253 --> 01:06:44,120
-Miss Masterson, the chiIdren.
-Okay. Okay, fine, fine.

1051
01:06:44,757 --> 01:06:47,453
Fine. But this is not a date.

1052
01:06:47,660 --> 01:06:48,820
No, in no way a date.

1053
01:06:48,994 --> 01:06:52,657
And if I do this, you wiII stop
the inappropriate behavior and gifts.

1054
01:06:52,831 --> 01:06:55,891
-Yes.
-And we'II just drive to this restaurant.

1055
01:06:56,068 --> 01:06:58,229
We won't fIy there in the space shuttIe...

1056
01:06:58,404 --> 01:07:01,999
...or drive in some gaudy, tacky Iimo.

1057
01:07:02,174 --> 01:07:04,301
No, Iet's take your car. How about?

1058
01:07:08,314 --> 01:07:09,611
This way.

1059
01:07:10,149 --> 01:07:13,915
Ned to driver, abort.
Abort, abort. Move it out right now.

1060
01:07:16,121 --> 01:07:20,455
I totaIIy missed it. She came right up to me,
I shouId've kissed her. And I froze.

1061
01:07:20,626 --> 01:07:23,151
Hey, don't worry.
I'II get you another chance.

1062
01:07:23,329 --> 01:07:24,921
How? How are you going to do that?

1063
01:07:30,402 --> 01:07:32,495
Victory party at my house!

1064
01:07:32,671 --> 01:07:34,662
[CHEERING]

1065
01:07:42,314 --> 01:07:44,305
[CRYING]

1066
01:07:46,452 --> 01:07:47,942
Maggie.

1067
01:07:58,330 --> 01:08:00,890
Maggie? Hey, Maggie.

1068
01:08:01,066 --> 01:08:02,499
Go away.

1069
01:08:03,302 --> 01:08:05,099
Hey, what happened?

1070
01:08:06,038 --> 01:08:07,437
What do you want?

1071
01:08:07,606 --> 01:08:10,200
Rub it in my face? Say, ''I toId you so''?

1072
01:08:10,376 --> 01:08:12,970
No. No, I reaIIy don't.

1073
01:08:14,213 --> 01:08:16,181
Just teII me what happened.

1074
01:08:19,985 --> 01:08:21,748
Stan dumped me.

1075
01:08:25,958 --> 01:08:28,153
Stan dumped you?

1076
01:08:28,327 --> 01:08:30,124
Stan dumped you? What?

1077
01:08:30,295 --> 01:08:33,890
What happened? How did this--?
What did he do?

1078
01:08:34,066 --> 01:08:35,658
What did he do?

1079
01:08:36,301 --> 01:08:38,064
After the game....

1080
01:08:38,704 --> 01:08:40,035
We....

1081
01:08:40,939 --> 01:08:43,237
He took me behind the quad, and we....

1082
01:08:43,409 --> 01:08:46,742
I can't hear this. You didn't.

1083
01:08:46,912 --> 01:08:49,904
-No, Mags.
-No.

1084
01:08:51,250 --> 01:08:53,047
No.

1085
01:08:53,686 --> 01:08:56,348
That's why he dumped me.

1086
01:09:00,693 --> 01:09:02,388
Mags, hey.

1087
01:09:02,561 --> 01:09:05,086
Hey, hey, it's okay.

1088
01:09:07,433 --> 01:09:08,923
You know...

1089
01:09:10,202 --> 01:09:14,036
...when you're young, everything feeIs Iike
the end of the worId.

1090
01:09:16,241 --> 01:09:18,004
It's not.

1091
01:09:18,177 --> 01:09:19,940
Right.

1092
01:09:20,446 --> 01:09:22,641
It's just the beginning.

1093
01:09:23,949 --> 01:09:26,713
You might have to meet
a few more jerks...

1094
01:09:26,885 --> 01:09:28,876
...but one day
you're going to meet a boy...

1095
01:09:29,054 --> 01:09:32,046
...who treats you the way
that you deserve to be treated:

1096
01:09:34,526 --> 01:09:37,393
Like the sun rises and sets with you.

1097
01:09:42,968 --> 01:09:45,061
You reaIIy think so?

1098
01:09:47,172 --> 01:09:49,163
I know so.

1099
01:09:51,410 --> 01:09:53,002
That's so sweet.

1100
01:09:53,846 --> 01:09:55,780
You're the sweetest.

1101
01:09:56,315 --> 01:09:58,374
-Thank you.
-It's okay.

1102
01:09:58,550 --> 01:09:59,744
-Ow. Oh.
-Thank you.

1103
01:10:00,285 --> 01:10:01,309
[CHUCKLING]

1104
01:10:01,487 --> 01:10:05,753
Anyways, I, uh, came over here--
I was Iooking for you.

1105
01:10:05,924 --> 01:10:09,416
I wanted to invite you to my party.
I don't know if you want to come.

1106
01:10:09,595 --> 01:10:11,529
-Yes. I wouId Iove to.
-Yeah.

1107
01:10:11,697 --> 01:10:13,824
-Great. That's exciting.
-Thank you!

1108
01:10:13,999 --> 01:10:15,796
-Aah! Yay!
-Yes. Yay.

1109
01:10:15,968 --> 01:10:17,560
-Thank you.
-That's very exciting.

1110
01:10:17,736 --> 01:10:20,330
I know, it's great. Ha, ha.

1111
01:10:20,506 --> 01:10:22,133
See you tonight.

1112
01:10:30,649 --> 01:10:32,048
''At Mark's house.''

1113
01:10:34,186 --> 01:10:36,177
[CELL PHONES RINGING]

1114
01:10:46,632 --> 01:10:48,759
[SANTOGOLD'S ''L.E.S. ARTISTES''
PLAYING O VER SPEAKERS]

1115
01:10:51,370 --> 01:10:55,033
BO Y: Hey, that's cooI. Let me see that.
That is nice, man.

1116
01:10:55,207 --> 01:10:57,300
Don't touch the toys, okay?

1117
01:10:58,410 --> 01:11:01,140
ALEX: Yeah, I'II, uh, try not to Iight myseIf
on fire tonight.

1118
01:11:01,313 --> 01:11:04,942
-I'II keep a fire extinguisher handy.
ALEX: Oh, good.

1119
01:11:05,150 --> 01:11:09,246
-Do you want to sit outside?
-Sure.

1120
01:11:35,447 --> 01:11:37,438
[SLURPING]

1121
01:11:43,488 --> 01:11:45,012
That's deIightfuI.

1122
01:11:49,261 --> 01:11:51,559
What? What?

1123
01:11:54,233 --> 01:11:57,760
-Okay, I don't know how to act normaI.
-CIearIy.

1124
01:11:57,936 --> 01:12:02,635
It's the story of my Iife. I'm not smooth.
I'm just trying to impress you, okay?

1125
01:12:02,808 --> 01:12:06,209
I'm not the kind of guy who comes
to pIaces Iike this. I'm a dork.

1126
01:12:06,378 --> 01:12:08,039
The kind of guy who spends 1 0 grand...

1127
01:12:08,213 --> 01:12:10,773
...on GandaIf the Grey's quarterstaff
from <i>The Two Towers.</i>

1128
01:12:12,651 --> 01:12:14,448
Yes, that does make you a dork.

1129
01:12:18,056 --> 01:12:20,718
EspeciaIIy since GandaIf the Grey
was onIy in <i>Fellowship.</i>

1130
01:12:22,427 --> 01:12:25,954
He returns in <i>Two Towers</i>
as GandaIf the White.

1131
01:12:33,038 --> 01:12:35,029
[SPEAKING IN MADE-UP LANGUAGE]

1132
01:12:49,521 --> 01:12:52,581
STAN:
I was upset. I'm sorry, okay?

1133
01:12:52,758 --> 01:12:56,091
I need you to show me that you Iove me.

1134
01:12:56,261 --> 01:12:58,229
And that way
we can get a pIace together.

1135
01:12:58,397 --> 01:13:01,491
Stop it. Look, whatever.
I'm with somebody eIse now.

1136
01:13:02,200 --> 01:13:05,397
-What?
-Party's over, Stan.

1137
01:13:06,505 --> 01:13:07,665
Just get out of here.

1138
01:13:11,043 --> 01:13:12,567
STAN:
Oh, yeah?

1139
01:13:13,178 --> 01:13:15,373
Who's gonna make me Ieave?

1140
01:13:16,915 --> 01:13:17,973
You?

1141
01:13:18,150 --> 01:13:22,052
You know I wouId, but it smeIIs
Iike you've been drinking...

1142
01:13:22,220 --> 01:13:25,121
...so I'm just gonna Iet the cops do it.

1143
01:13:30,162 --> 01:13:31,789
STAN:
You can have the nun.

1144
01:13:32,431 --> 01:13:34,194
She doesn't put out, anyway.

1145
01:13:34,533 --> 01:13:35,727
On second thought....

1146
01:13:37,602 --> 01:13:38,626
[GRUNTS]

1147
01:13:40,706 --> 01:13:43,800
MIKE:
<i>Oh, I just had the craziest dream.</i>

1148
01:13:45,777 --> 01:13:47,711
I was 1 7.

1149
01:13:49,314 --> 01:13:52,681
I was back in high schooI,
and it was terribIe.

1150
01:13:56,655 --> 01:13:58,247
Scar.

1151
01:13:59,291 --> 01:14:02,818
Scar? I don't see a scar.

1152
01:14:03,228 --> 01:14:06,254
Look, I know why you didn't
want me to be with Stan.

1153
01:14:06,431 --> 01:14:09,025
It's because you wanted me.

1154
01:14:12,137 --> 01:14:14,867
You want to pIay games?
I can pIay games.

1155
01:14:15,040 --> 01:14:17,474
-No, no, no.
-I'm a hungry Iioness...

1156
01:14:17,642 --> 01:14:19,405
...and you're a baby gazeIIe.

1157
01:14:19,578 --> 01:14:20,875
[RO ARING]

1158
01:14:21,046 --> 01:14:23,241
Maggie! No, no, no,
Maggie, stop this now.

1159
01:14:23,415 --> 01:14:26,873
If you onIy knew how highIy inappropriate
and dysfunctionaI this is.

1160
01:14:27,419 --> 01:14:28,613
Stop it. PIease stop.

1161
01:14:28,787 --> 01:14:31,449
Maggie, I'm not the person
that you think I am.

1162
01:14:31,623 --> 01:14:33,181
-Yes, you are.
-No, I'm not.

1163
01:14:33,358 --> 01:14:35,986
You're right, you're good.
You're not Iike the others.

1164
01:14:36,161 --> 01:14:38,823
I'm not Iike others.
I'm very different than the others.

1165
01:14:38,997 --> 01:14:42,990
So different, in fact, that you and I can
never, ever, ever, ever be together.

1166
01:14:43,168 --> 01:14:44,999
-Stop biting.
-Why?

1167
01:14:48,373 --> 01:14:49,704
Oh.

1168
01:14:50,042 --> 01:14:53,842
Oh, my God. What are you saying?

1169
01:14:54,012 --> 01:14:55,445
Are you confused?

1170
01:14:56,081 --> 01:14:58,549
I'm very confused, yes.
ExtremeIy confused.

1171
01:14:58,717 --> 01:15:03,051
Oh, my God. I-- I-- I get it now.

1172
01:15:03,488 --> 01:15:08,152
And your hair is aIways perfectIy coiffed,
and you have highIights.

1173
01:15:09,728 --> 01:15:12,424
-What are you taIking about?
-I mean....

1174
01:15:13,031 --> 01:15:15,966
Dude, your jeans are reaIIy tight.

1175
01:15:18,336 --> 01:15:19,735
I'm not gay.

1176
01:15:20,505 --> 01:15:22,871
I'm in Iove, Maggie. I'm in Iove.

1177
01:15:23,275 --> 01:15:24,708
I've been in Iove.

1178
01:15:24,876 --> 01:15:28,903
I've been in Iove with the same girI
since I was 1 7, Maggie.

1179
01:15:30,782 --> 01:15:35,810
Does she go to our schooI? Do I know her?
TeII me her name. I want to know her name.

1180
01:15:35,987 --> 01:15:38,114
-No, Maggie. No.
-Okay.

1181
01:15:39,324 --> 01:15:44,261
You teII your girIfriend
she better keep a cIose eye on you.

1182
01:15:44,429 --> 01:15:46,397
[GROWLING]

1183
01:15:49,434 --> 01:15:51,527
Sweet baby Jesus.

1184
01:15:53,371 --> 01:15:54,895
Thanks.

1185
01:15:55,107 --> 01:15:56,438
[WAITER SPEAKS IN FRENCH]

1186
01:15:57,142 --> 01:15:58,234
[IN MADE-UP LANGUAGE]

1187
01:15:58,410 --> 01:16:01,072
[IN MADE-UP LANGUAGE]

1188
01:16:12,757 --> 01:16:14,588
[IN ENGLISH]
We'II take the check.

1189
01:16:14,926 --> 01:16:16,917
[YING YANG TWINS' ''DROP''
PLAYING O VER SPEAKERS]

1190
01:16:18,196 --> 01:16:20,061
[CHATTERING]

1191
01:16:26,171 --> 01:16:27,763
I'm so dead.

1192
01:16:31,643 --> 01:16:33,440
GIRL:
Excuse me.

1193
01:16:34,779 --> 01:16:37,373
-ScarIet? ScarIet? ScarIet.
-Hi.

1194
01:16:37,549 --> 01:16:39,414
-What are you doing here?
-You seen AIex?

1195
01:16:39,584 --> 01:16:41,518
He's not picking up his phone.

1196
01:16:41,686 --> 01:16:43,517
AIex is fine. AIex is fine, beIieve me.

1197
01:16:43,688 --> 01:16:45,713
In fact, with the way things are going...

1198
01:16:45,891 --> 01:16:49,258
...by the end of the night
AIex couId have a girIfriend.

1199
01:16:49,427 --> 01:16:52,692
-AIex has a girIfriend?
-Yeah, and she's great. She's cute.

1200
01:16:52,864 --> 01:16:54,456
-Come on, I'II show you.
-Where?

1201
01:16:54,633 --> 01:16:57,534
WaIk up the stairs. WaIk with me
for one sec, I'II show you.

1202
01:16:57,702 --> 01:17:00,364
[IN ENGLISH] So how ever did you get
the newest version of <i>Halo?</i>

1203
01:17:00,539 --> 01:17:02,803
It's not due out for another six months.

1204
01:17:02,974 --> 01:17:08,173
WeII, Iet's just say I said some things
to the Make-A-Wish peopIe...

1205
01:17:08,346 --> 01:17:10,473
...that I'm not totaIIy proud of.

1206
01:17:10,649 --> 01:17:12,640
[KOOL & THE GANG'S ''CHERISH''
PLAYING O VER SPEAKERS]

1207
01:17:14,286 --> 01:17:15,480
[GROWLS]

1208
01:17:16,388 --> 01:17:17,514
[SCREAMING]

1209
01:17:19,524 --> 01:17:20,786
[TEENAGERS WHOOPING]

1210
01:17:21,226 --> 01:17:22,853
I'm going to kiII him.

1211
01:17:34,039 --> 01:17:36,030
[GRUNTING]

1212
01:17:39,110 --> 01:17:41,374
Everybody, out!

1213
01:17:44,516 --> 01:17:49,078
Oh, no, no.
No! No! No! Not Dr. PhiIsophoIis.

1214
01:17:49,921 --> 01:17:51,582
[WHISTLES]

1215
01:17:52,090 --> 01:17:53,921
This party is over!

1216
01:17:54,092 --> 01:17:59,587
UnIess you want to spend the next
three months in detention, Ieave! Now!

1217
01:18:01,666 --> 01:18:04,226
Okay. We better go warn Mark.

1218
01:18:08,006 --> 01:18:09,974
SCARLET:
You reaIIy care about him, don't you?

1219
01:18:10,575 --> 01:18:14,238
-Yeah.
-That's nice. That's reaIIy nice.

1220
01:18:14,412 --> 01:18:17,142
He reaIIy needs a maIe roIe modeI.

1221
01:18:17,315 --> 01:18:18,976
-He's a great kid.
-Mm-hm.

1222
01:18:20,018 --> 01:18:22,111
You know, they both are.

1223
01:18:24,723 --> 01:18:26,657
I think you're a great mother.

1224
01:18:26,825 --> 01:18:28,383
Thank you.

1225
01:18:29,494 --> 01:18:31,394
He's on the baIcony. He's right there.

1226
01:18:33,898 --> 01:18:37,334
-Mom?
-This has been a reaIIy tough time...

1227
01:18:37,502 --> 01:18:40,835
...and you reaIIy feeI Iike
part of the famiIy.

1228
01:18:41,139 --> 01:18:45,508
You have no idea how amazing
it is to hear you say that.

1229
01:18:49,347 --> 01:18:50,837
[GASPING]

1230
01:18:53,351 --> 01:18:54,784
[GRUNTS]

1231
01:18:55,754 --> 01:18:56,880
ScarIet.

1232
01:18:57,055 --> 01:19:00,149
ScarIet! ScarIet, I'm not Mark, okay?

1233
01:19:00,325 --> 01:19:04,091
-I'm him, I'm me. ScarIet, I'm your husband.
-WiII you stop it aIready?

1234
01:19:04,262 --> 01:19:07,561
If you'd Iisten to me, I am the father
of your chiIdren! Scar, Iet me--

1235
01:19:07,732 --> 01:19:10,724
Don't caII me that. Don't caII me that!

1236
01:19:10,902 --> 01:19:13,632
You are a weirdo IittIe man-chiId!

1237
01:19:13,805 --> 01:19:15,864
Give me two seconds,
and I can expIain this!

1238
01:19:16,041 --> 01:19:17,531
You are a pervert!

1239
01:19:18,643 --> 01:19:20,167
[GRUNTING]

1240
01:19:28,386 --> 01:19:31,651
Get out, and get out, and get out.

1241
01:19:31,823 --> 01:19:33,347
JANE:
You can Ieave.

1242
01:19:35,627 --> 01:19:40,223
WeII, this isn't exactIy the
inconspicuous reIationship I wanted.

1243
01:19:41,900 --> 01:19:44,892
I'm sure now you can see why
I don't date my students' parents.

1244
01:19:46,671 --> 01:19:48,229
I'm sorry.

1245
01:19:54,245 --> 01:19:58,909
I'm sorry. I had no idea that it was
going to get so out of controI.

1246
01:19:59,517 --> 01:20:01,508
-Hm.
MIKE: ReaIIy?

1247
01:20:06,658 --> 01:20:09,593
-Now I'm sorry.
-I guess I deserved that.

1248
01:20:10,028 --> 01:20:12,861
The second one was out of Iine.
It was uncaIIed for. Sorry.

1249
01:20:13,031 --> 01:20:15,261
Are you okay? I'm reaIIy sorry.

1250
01:20:17,168 --> 01:20:19,932
Three makes it even. Now we're even.

1251
01:20:22,507 --> 01:20:23,735
How are you? You okay?

1252
01:20:23,908 --> 01:20:25,239
Yeah.

1253
01:20:34,753 --> 01:20:37,517
And finished.

1254
01:20:38,990 --> 01:20:41,288
With the rug area.

1255
01:20:41,459 --> 01:20:43,791
But we've made very good progress.

1256
01:20:44,763 --> 01:20:45,821
We deserve a break.

1257
01:20:46,664 --> 01:20:48,529
I Iost my famiIy.

1258
01:20:49,968 --> 01:20:50,992
Hey, Mike?

1259
01:20:51,202 --> 01:20:54,797
If it's any consoIation,
I think you reaIIy did heIp your kids.

1260
01:20:55,206 --> 01:20:58,437
You did your job,
and now the hero can move on.

1261
01:20:58,877 --> 01:21:00,640
I don't want to.

1262
01:21:01,446 --> 01:21:04,313
Maybe they don't need me anymore,
but I need them.

1263
01:21:06,217 --> 01:21:08,185
Hey, not to be a buzzkiII...

1264
01:21:08,353 --> 01:21:09,911
...but you're due in court...

1265
01:21:10,655 --> 01:21:12,316
...in 22 minutes.

1266
01:21:13,324 --> 01:21:15,292
Ned, I need more time.

1267
01:21:15,794 --> 01:21:18,285
-I have to stop this.
-To the NedmobiIe.

1268
01:21:18,630 --> 01:21:20,291
-Wait, Ned, Ned, Ned.
-Yes.

1269
01:21:20,465 --> 01:21:24,299
-Pants.
-I shouId have pants on. Yes.

1270
01:21:34,779 --> 01:21:36,269
NED:
Come on, GIenn!

1271
01:21:36,981 --> 01:21:39,245
He's nothing but
a gIorified midget wrangIer.

1272
01:21:39,551 --> 01:21:41,712
You wouIdn't be so big
without that vest!

1273
01:21:41,886 --> 01:21:45,413
Grab that thing that's down there.
Grab it. Just hoId that up.

1274
01:21:45,590 --> 01:21:47,490
-Where you get this?
-Best 20 ever spent.

1275
01:21:47,659 --> 01:21:49,524
Saves me a haIf hour on my commute.

1276
01:21:49,694 --> 01:21:52,026
Dude, just hoId it. HoId it way up.

1277
01:21:52,197 --> 01:21:54,188
[SIREN WAILING]

1278
01:22:10,281 --> 01:22:12,943
--the whoIe truth, nothing
but the truth, so heIp you God?

1279
01:22:13,117 --> 01:22:14,414
SCARLET:
I do.

1280
01:22:14,586 --> 01:22:16,918
You request a divorce
by the state of CaIifornia...

1281
01:22:17,088 --> 01:22:19,420
...citing irreconciIabIe differences.
This correct?

1282
01:22:19,591 --> 01:22:23,493
-Yes, Your Honor.
-Is MichaeI O'DonneII present?

1283
01:22:23,828 --> 01:22:24,852
No, Your Honor.

1284
01:22:25,029 --> 01:22:28,055
I take his absence as agreement
to the orders of the divorce.

1285
01:22:32,570 --> 01:22:35,767
-You are not requesting soIe custody?
-No, Your Honor.

1286
01:22:36,407 --> 01:22:38,341
''You can't handIe the truth!''

1287
01:22:39,611 --> 01:22:40,669
What?

1288
01:22:40,845 --> 01:22:44,042
I'm sorry, I panicked. It was the
first thing that came into my mind.

1289
01:22:44,215 --> 01:22:46,843
Your Majesty.

1290
01:22:47,218 --> 01:22:49,345
-Who are you?
-That's my husband's best friend.

1291
01:22:50,688 --> 01:22:52,212
You a Iawyer, best friend?

1292
01:22:53,124 --> 01:22:54,591
-Yes.
-No.

1293
01:22:54,759 --> 01:22:58,126
I beIieve the Iaw degree
in my pocket says so.

1294
01:22:58,296 --> 01:23:02,790
Yes, and it's a IittIe bit smeared
because I sat on it in the car...

1295
01:23:02,967 --> 01:23:06,232
...not because I printed it out recentIy.

1296
01:23:09,541 --> 01:23:12,203
Let's pretend that's reaI.
Want to expIain what you're doing?

1297
01:23:13,077 --> 01:23:14,567
We...

1298
01:23:15,547 --> 01:23:17,879
...are stopping a gross...

1299
01:23:19,651 --> 01:23:21,141
...miscarriage of justice!

1300
01:23:22,020 --> 01:23:23,351
That--

1301
01:23:24,222 --> 01:23:27,089
Okay, if you'd just Iet me expIain.
I can expIain this.

1302
01:23:27,258 --> 01:23:28,623
If you wouId just Iisten--

1303
01:23:28,793 --> 01:23:32,695
I've got a Ietter from Mike O'DonneII,
he's the husband in this case!

1304
01:23:32,864 --> 01:23:34,354
I'm sorry. We're in the middIe--

1305
01:23:34,532 --> 01:23:37,933
Your Honor, if it's okay,
I'd Iike to hear the Ietter, pIease.

1306
01:23:45,610 --> 01:23:47,271
MIKE:
Thank you, Your Honor.

1307
01:23:50,081 --> 01:23:52,208
This is a Ietter from Mike O'DonneII.

1308
01:23:52,483 --> 01:23:54,314
He wanted me to read it.

1309
01:23:57,722 --> 01:23:59,246
''ScarIet...

1310
01:24:01,125 --> 01:24:03,286
...before you go through with this...

1311
01:24:03,461 --> 01:24:07,761
...I want to remind you
of September 7th, 1 988.

1312
01:24:10,134 --> 01:24:11,965
It was the first time that I saw you.

1313
01:24:14,472 --> 01:24:16,599
You were reading <i>Less Than Zero.</i>

1314
01:24:17,308 --> 01:24:20,971
You were wearing
a Guns N' Roses T-shirt.

1315
01:24:23,348 --> 01:24:26,044
I'd never seen anything so perfect.

1316
01:24:29,821 --> 01:24:32,984
I remember thinking
that I had to have you, or I'd die.

1317
01:24:36,327 --> 01:24:38,056
Then you whispered that you Ioved me...

1318
01:24:38,229 --> 01:24:39,594
[CRYING]

1319
01:24:41,099 --> 01:24:43,067
...at the homecoming dance.

1320
01:24:46,704 --> 01:24:48,228
And I feIt...

1321
01:24:49,040 --> 01:24:50,803
...so peacefuI...

1322
01:24:52,977 --> 01:24:54,501
...and safe.

1323
01:24:56,681 --> 01:24:59,775
Because I knew that no matter
what happened from that day on...

1324
01:24:59,951 --> 01:25:02,442
...nothing couId ever be that bad.

1325
01:25:03,221 --> 01:25:05,018
Because I had you.

1326
01:25:06,991 --> 01:25:08,322
Uh....

1327
01:25:09,060 --> 01:25:10,618
And then I grew up...

1328
01:25:12,230 --> 01:25:14,095
...and I Iost my way.

1329
01:25:17,135 --> 01:25:19,660
And I bIamed you for my faiIures.

1330
01:25:24,008 --> 01:25:27,068
And I know that you think
you have to do this today.

1331
01:25:29,080 --> 01:25:30,945
I don't want you to.

1332
01:25:35,887 --> 01:25:37,411
But I guess...

1333
01:25:41,125 --> 01:25:42,786
...if I Iove you...

1334
01:25:46,397 --> 01:25:48,558
...I shouId Iet you move on.''

1335
01:25:52,770 --> 01:25:54,397
JUDGE:
AII right, son, you need to go now.

1336
01:26:16,761 --> 01:26:18,422
Let's proceed.

1337
01:26:21,165 --> 01:26:23,292
I'm sorry, Your Honor.
WouId it be okay...

1338
01:26:23,468 --> 01:26:26,437
...if we postpone
this for now for just a IittIe whiIe?

1339
01:26:26,604 --> 01:26:28,265
WouId that be okay?

1340
01:26:29,207 --> 01:26:30,936
Postponed 30 days. Next case.

1341
01:26:57,735 --> 01:26:59,999
NED: Haven't seen you practice
this hard since schooI.

1342
01:27:00,171 --> 01:27:03,231
Yeah, you know, if I want
to impress these coIIege scouts...

1343
01:27:03,407 --> 01:27:05,807
...then I need to stay focused.

1344
01:27:05,977 --> 01:27:09,469
Wait, wait. You're not stiII trying
to get a schoIarship, are you?

1345
01:27:10,081 --> 01:27:14,040
Be carefuI, man. You do not want
to get off of the spirit path.

1346
01:27:14,218 --> 01:27:18,655
There's no path, Ned! There's no path!
I can't do it!

1347
01:27:18,923 --> 01:27:20,584
I just made it worse for them.

1348
01:27:20,758 --> 01:27:25,559
My wife is happier, everyone's happier
with me out of the picture, Ned.

1349
01:27:26,264 --> 01:27:27,993
It's time to move on.

1350
01:28:00,398 --> 01:28:02,161
It's time to go, Mom.

1351
01:28:16,280 --> 01:28:19,078
Hey, GoId, save something
for the game, huh?

1352
01:28:19,250 --> 01:28:21,184
Just warming up, coach.

1353
01:28:21,352 --> 01:28:23,616
Got a IittIe inside info for you.

1354
01:28:23,788 --> 01:28:27,315
The scout from Ohio State is back,
and the coach is with him.

1355
01:28:27,792 --> 01:28:30,192
You pIay haIf the game
I know you're capabIe of...

1356
01:28:30,361 --> 01:28:33,023
...you're going to be pIaying
coIIege baII next year, huh?

1357
01:28:33,197 --> 01:28:35,188
-That's the pIan, coach.
-Give me the baII.

1358
01:28:37,768 --> 01:28:41,067
AII right, gather up, jockstraps.
Picture time.

1359
01:28:41,239 --> 01:28:43,104
Try not to break the camera.

1360
01:28:43,808 --> 01:28:45,799
[FERGIE'S ''FERGALICIOUS''
PLAYING O VER SPEAKERS]

1361
01:29:21,145 --> 01:29:23,136
[CHEERING]

1362
01:29:28,519 --> 01:29:32,011
I can't wait to go to Georgetown
and start dating coIIege boys.

1363
01:29:36,861 --> 01:29:40,456
I thought Mark was hanging out
with AIex to get to me, not you.

1364
01:29:41,499 --> 01:29:44,059
AII right, Iadies, Iet's bring it in.

1365
01:29:46,304 --> 01:29:48,829
NED:
Jane! Jane!

1366
01:29:49,674 --> 01:29:52,541
Jane! I'm sorry, sorry.

1367
01:29:52,777 --> 01:29:54,711
JANE: Ned, Ned, Ned.
-Oh, sorry.

1368
01:29:54,879 --> 01:29:57,609
JANE: Ned. Yeah. Hi.
-Hi.

1369
01:29:58,849 --> 01:30:00,976
-I need to taIk to you.
-What are you doing?

1370
01:30:01,152 --> 01:30:03,143
I practiced this, uh.

1371
01:30:03,321 --> 01:30:04,811
Okay.

1372
01:30:04,989 --> 01:30:11,485
I have just seen my best friend Iose
everything than means anything to him.

1373
01:30:11,662 --> 01:30:13,425
And maybe we'II never be there, but--

1374
01:30:13,597 --> 01:30:18,398
Yes, I understand, but I have toId you
before that I am the principaI...

1375
01:30:18,569 --> 01:30:21,003
-Yes.
-...and I cannot be seen...

1376
01:30:21,172 --> 01:30:22,662
...with my students' parents.

1377
01:30:22,840 --> 01:30:26,037
But, Jane,
how can you be seen with me...

1378
01:30:26,210 --> 01:30:28,838
...when I'm wearing
the cIoak of invisibiIity?

1379
01:30:31,349 --> 01:30:35,479
Jane, aII I'm asking is a chance
for us to be friends.

1380
01:30:36,554 --> 01:30:39,489
Because you're the one
I want by my side...

1381
01:30:39,657 --> 01:30:42,990
...when I'm storming
the EIvish CastIe of Ganakinesh.

1382
01:30:48,866 --> 01:30:50,993
You can pIunder my dungeon anytime.

1383
01:30:51,302 --> 01:30:53,099
I'II bring my Iong bow.

1384
01:30:54,005 --> 01:30:56,701
TEAM:
<i>Warriors! Yeah!</i>

1385
01:30:57,341 --> 01:30:59,332
[CHATTERING AND CHEERING]

1386
01:30:59,510 --> 01:31:01,239
Come on.

1387
01:31:14,925 --> 01:31:16,790
Oh, my God.

1388
01:31:16,961 --> 01:31:18,929
MAGGIE:
Mom? Are you okay?

1389
01:31:20,364 --> 01:31:23,561
I can't be here again. I have to go.

1390
01:31:44,255 --> 01:31:46,587
SCARLET: <i>The game. That's your future.</i>
MIKE: <i>The baby's my future.</i>

1391
01:31:47,558 --> 01:31:50,755
SCARLET: <i>That's crazy, Mike.</i>
<i>No, I can't let you throw this all away.</i>

1392
01:31:50,928 --> 01:31:52,259
Bye, Mike.

1393
01:31:52,430 --> 01:31:53,897
JANITOR: <i>High school star.</i>
<i>Never lived up to potential.</i>

1394
01:31:54,065 --> 01:31:56,556
-What are you doing?
MIKE: <i>I want to live in the past.</i>

1395
01:31:56,734 --> 01:31:59,760
JANITOR: <i>I'll bet you wish you had it to</i>
<i>do all over again.</i>

1396
01:31:59,937 --> 01:32:01,234
HeIIo?!

1397
01:32:01,405 --> 01:32:03,134
NED:
<i>It's a classic transformation story.</i>

1398
01:32:04,041 --> 01:32:06,134
MIKE:
<i>Spirit guide?</i>

1399
01:32:06,510 --> 01:32:08,569
<i>You and me, we're in this together.</i>

1400
01:32:11,515 --> 01:32:12,573
It's your turn now.

1401
01:32:16,887 --> 01:32:18,286
[WHISTLE BLOWS]

1402
01:32:20,324 --> 01:32:21,348
TraveIing.

1403
01:32:21,525 --> 01:32:23,015
Green baII!

1404
01:32:23,327 --> 01:32:25,352
O'DonneII, get in there!

1405
01:32:25,529 --> 01:32:26,928
ScarIet!

1406
01:32:28,299 --> 01:32:29,664
Scar?

1407
01:32:31,302 --> 01:32:32,826
ScarIet?

1408
01:32:51,155 --> 01:32:52,747
It is you.

1409
01:32:59,630 --> 01:33:00,756
MIKE:
Hi.

1410
01:33:02,399 --> 01:33:03,661
''Hi''?

1411
01:33:05,369 --> 01:33:06,495
I can expIain.

1412
01:33:08,506 --> 01:33:09,871
You can?

1413
01:33:10,040 --> 01:33:11,974
No, not at aII.

1414
01:33:13,544 --> 01:33:17,446
-You didn't have to come after me again.
-Yes, I did, because I Iove you.

1415
01:33:18,249 --> 01:33:21,343
You're the best decision
I ever made, I just forgot.

1416
01:33:22,820 --> 01:33:27,348
And then I feII off a bridge
and things got pretty weird after that.

1417
01:33:27,525 --> 01:33:29,789
But I'm never going to forget again.

1418
01:33:31,362 --> 01:33:35,059
Look, I know that I've been
in a bad mood for the Iast...

1419
01:33:35,699 --> 01:33:37,189
...20 years.

1420
01:33:38,269 --> 01:33:42,706
But if you Iet me, I swear, I wiII spend
the rest of my Iife making it up to you.

1421
01:33:44,074 --> 01:33:46,736
I thought I wanted
a second chance at Iife...

1422
01:33:46,911 --> 01:33:50,472
...but now I know I just want
a second chance with y--

1423
01:33:54,185 --> 01:33:55,550
Weird.

1424
01:33:55,953 --> 01:33:57,250
Yeah.

1425
01:33:59,123 --> 01:34:00,715
I missed you.

1426
01:34:07,798 --> 01:34:12,735
Yeah, I'm gonna put you down
because this was a Iot easier before.

1427
01:34:13,404 --> 01:34:16,862
Yeah, you did have that six-pack
thing going.

1428
01:34:17,041 --> 01:34:18,906
Is there any chance I'II see that again?

1429
01:34:19,076 --> 01:34:21,738
I knew you were checking me out.

1430
01:34:24,281 --> 01:34:27,580
[CHANTING]
<i>Go! Go! Go!</i>

1431
01:34:30,421 --> 01:34:32,582
SCARLET:
AduIts can have that, though.

1432
01:34:32,756 --> 01:34:35,589
MIKE:
WeII, I'II work on it. Maybe I'II jog home.

1433
01:34:43,067 --> 01:34:44,091
Ned, hey.

1434
01:34:44,268 --> 01:34:47,726
I packed up aII my stuff and I wanted
to give your key back and say thanks.

1435
01:34:47,905 --> 01:34:49,372
Hey, whoa. No. No.

1436
01:34:49,540 --> 01:34:52,907
Wasn't expecting to see
you there, PrincipaI Masterson.

1437
01:34:53,110 --> 01:34:55,203
You Iook very pretty.

1438
01:34:55,379 --> 01:34:56,403
Thank you.

1439
01:34:56,580 --> 01:34:58,138
The Force is strong in this one.

1440
01:34:58,315 --> 01:35:00,875
So I guess I'II be
seeing you at work, boss.

1441
01:35:01,051 --> 01:35:03,576
Oh, yes, uh, Coach O'DonneII.

1442
01:35:03,754 --> 01:35:06,951
And, um, we are very happy
to have you aboard.

1443
01:35:07,658 --> 01:35:10,923
Buddy, I got you a IittIe something
for your first day at your new job.

1444
01:35:11,095 --> 01:35:13,962
Don't think about how much it cost,
it's not much.

1445
01:35:16,000 --> 01:35:18,093
Hey, you got me a whistIe.

1446
01:35:19,536 --> 01:35:20,662
Don't bIow it.

1447
01:35:23,407 --> 01:35:24,431
PIay big.

1448
01:35:25,242 --> 01:35:26,300
You too.

1449
01:35:27,978 --> 01:35:29,673
JANE: Good Iuck.
NED: Love you!

1450
01:35:29,847 --> 01:35:31,371
MIKE:
Love you!

1451
01:41:48,892 --> 01:41:50,883
[ENGLISH SDH]